Age Gaps in Relationships

[MasterWeavile898]

My dad is 7 years older than my mom. And historically girls often married about 5 years younger than guys. (13 year old girl, 18 year old guy. Similar maturity levels.)

 

It seems to me that a gap of about five years with the guy being older is natural, especially since girls tend to, um, go through puberty sooner than guys.

 

And marrying someone of your own age is a fairly new idea (as I sorta said above), for a very long time girls would be as much as 30 years younger than their husbands. One reason the idea of marrying those of similar age to you is that people wanted to be allowed to choose who they married and they began picking people of similar ages that had similar interests to them.

 

Another reason is that kids are split into groups with others their own age (this is a very new idea) in schools, causing them to hang with those of similar ages. This adds to the idea that someone older or younger has a different maturity level than you.

 

Your parents most likely went through this, along with their parents, which has made them used to the idea that those an age age should be with others of that same age.

 

However, your parents know best (most of the time) so don't completely toss their opinions out the window. But if their only problem is the age gap, then they probably need to get over it.

 

Um, wow. I did not mean to say so much, it just kinda, came out. Sorry if you don't want to hear my opinion. And I am about to say something very egotistical. There are oddballs and differences, sometimes a girl may wish to date a younger guy, and there is no problem there, just no history to prove it. And there are guys (incoming ego alert) like me who are just as mature, if not more mature as others guys of their age, and girls who are less mature than girls of their age. (And vice versa for both.) Anyway, don't just follow your heart, remember to think too.

 

Oi, I meant to be done there but I should mention that I have never even made any attempt at dating (which is one of the reasons I consider myself more mature than the guys who are creepy all over girls at 14), so you have no reason to believe any of what I just said.

 

Um, I should probably say sincerely or something here, but I hate being normal,

Master

 

EDIT: Bloah that's long.

 

EDIT 2: I've been trying to figure out how to post that and make it shorter than five paragraphs since the thread first opened, it appears I have ~8 (some are not really whole) paragraphs. Um, oops?

Edited July 1, 2013 by MasterWeavile898

[Veratrum]

As long as both parties are legally able to be together, and neither one is being coerced or otherwise forced into the relationship, no one should even care about the age gap.

[AngelKitty]

It depends really. I generally cringe when adults who, age-wise, could be parent and child get together (like, 20 and 40+, etc.). With people below 18, I don't think the gap should be more than two or three years.

[Zovesta]

Eh. It bothers my parents because it can become a dominance thing - but some people are into that?? So I don't even really care. As long as it's consensual and legal let them do whatever they want.

 

There seems to be this odd urge among people to go "hold up, bub, I have a list of complaints about your personal life that need to be addressed and changed for my comfort!".

 

ps my real life dream is to marry rich, bitter old geezers in their nineties tru stry

Edited July 2, 2013 by Zovesta

[PumpkinPyromaniac]

I think that if it's anymore than two years, it's too much.

And I wouldn't mind dating a guy older than me. But younger than me? Unless it was only by a few months (like my parents, in which my mom's a few months older than my dad), then I just don't like it. For whatever reason.

[cutiesonic]

My parents are ELEVEN years apart. Mom's 39, Dad's 50. When their families found out about their relationship, Dad's was more upset for some reason. (I'd be surprised to find out someone I know is dating someone who is 11 older.)

Edited January 11, 2015 by cutiesonic

[VictorianVivian]

My grandparents are 9 years apart. They've been together over 50 years now. I married a man 9 years older than me. We were divorced within a year.

 

It completely depends on the person. I prefer a man that is slightly older than me, but not by too much. My fiance is 3 years older than me, which is fine.

 

However . . .

 

I don't think it matters. If it works, go for it. Forget the stupid public opinion.

[Zovesta]

I think that if it's anymore than two years, it's too much.

And I wouldn't mind dating a guy older than me. But younger than me? Unless it was only by a few months (like my parents, in which my mom's a few months older than my dad), then I just don't like it. For whatever reason.

Two years?? =P My sister's boyfriend is six years older than her and they have so much in common you'd think they were twins. It's almost terrifying. And my sister, who faced a LOT of suicidal depression, is now happy.

 

Sorry man, I think that's a pretty limited way of thinking. Why not just hope for their happiness and loving, equal relationship rather than placing arbitrary limits on their ages?

[cutiesonic]

Two years?? =P My sister's boyfriend is six years older than her and they have so much in common you'd think they were twins. It's almost terrifying. And my sister, who faced a LOT of suicidal depression, is now happy.

 

Sorry man, I think that's a pretty limited way of thinking. Why not just hope for their happiness and loving, equal relationship rather than placing arbitrary limits on their ages?

Yeah, have to agree there.

[Switch]

I think that if it's anymore than two years, it's too much.

And I wouldn't mind dating a guy older than me. But younger than me? Unless it was only by a few months (like my parents, in which my mom's a few months older than my dad), then I just don't like it. For whatever reason.

My dad is actually one or two years younger than mum. x3; They're very happy and've been together for a loong time.

 

As long as everyone's of age and happy and consenting I don't think age gaps matter. ouo

[TikindiDragon]

I think that if it's anymore than two years, it's too much.

And I wouldn't mind dating a guy older than me. But younger than me? Unless it was only by a few months (like my parents, in which my mom's a few months older than my dad), then I just don't like it. For whatever reason.

A gap of around 5 years is actually more common than not in adult relationships, fyi...

[Kestra15]

I think that if it's anymore than two years, it's too much.

And I wouldn't mind dating a guy older than me. But younger than me? Unless it was only by a few months (like my parents, in which my mom's a few months older than my dad), then I just don't like it. For whatever reason.

I hope you don't mind me asking how old you are? Not because I want to be derogatory about your age, but perceptions on appropriate age gaps is partially influenced by your age and circumstances.

[LikeTwoPancakes]

The older you are the less the age gap matters.

My parents are eight years apart.

I'm only two years older than my significant other.

[Oriolous]

As long as it is legal, I don't think it matters too much... Though more than 15 years apart is rather unusual and I personally frown upon 10+ years.

[Gsea]

As long as it is legal, I don't care about age gaps. If both members of the relationship are happy, then why should it bother me? Even in cases where it might not be considered totally legal (like a 19 yr old and a 17 yr old) I don't think it should be a problem.

 

I think limits such as 'age gaps shouldn't be bigger than 5 years' are ridiculous. If a 30 yr old and a 20 yr old are happy together, then it shouldn't bother people that they are 10 years apart. I've witnessed a relationship between someone 19 and someone in his 40s. They were very in love and very happy together, and broke up because the 19 yr old girl was afraid of how her family would feel if they knew about her 40 yr old boyfriend. It was quite sad, but it did help me to realize that large age gaps like that shouldn't be a big deal.

[dark_kitsune]

Honestly....if both parties are happy, then I see nothing wrong with it. As long as one isn't a minor - who cares?

[Kitty_Hearts]

I have a friend who's 15. Her boyfriend is 22. Since we're still quite young, the age gap seems rather ridiculous. :/ Right now, at this age, I think that 7 years is a little too much. I think it really is true when people say age gaps matter less the older we are.

[Lila]

I think that before you've matured as a person and have a strong sense of self, age gaps should really be limited to a year or two. But if you know who you are and know what's best for you, then it doesn't really matter.

[Emmerz24]

I personally wouldn't have ever dated anyone who was more than 5 years older than me. My boyfriend is almost 3 years older than me, which works perfectly for the most part.

 

For people in general, it's really up to how mature they are. My great uncle's best relationship before his death was with a woman 20+ years younger than him.

[Dijabringabeeralong]

This really depends on the people. If I'm honest, I don't think the age gap should be any bigger than two years for anyone still in their teens. It might not matter to you, but it matters to other people, particularly in terms of a potential sexual relationship. When I was 15 I had an 18 year old boyfriend and my mam was very worried about the age gap because, as she put it, "a lot of older people have certain expectations when starting a relationship" and she was worried that a bit of snogging and holding hands wouldn't be enough for him and that he'd pressure me into doing more. She was right, and I got rid of him pretty quickly. I'm not saying that this wouldn't happen with a couple who are the same age, in fact a couple of years ago I overheard one of my sisters' male friends talking about his new girlfriend, who is only a few months younger than him, and he was saying that if they hadn't had sex within a year, he would dump her. He was 16 at the time. I'm not sure if this was immaturity or if he was just a not-very-nice person.

 

I do believe that once both people in a relationship are over the age of 20, age doesn't matter. It's when someone's age still has the word teen at the end of it that some people can get a bit weird, unless one is either 18 or 19 and the other is 20 or 21. I'm 22, and while I was in college this year I went out with an 18 year old, and while everyone in college was very supportive, my family and friends back home were not. My friends called me cradle snatcher and implied that he was probably only going out with me because I'm an "older woman" and he wanted to be able to brag to his friends about it, while my mam reckoned that he was too young and immature for me. It didn't work out anyway, since yet again, my mam was right.

 

I went a bit off topic there. The point I was trying to make was, once you're in your 20s, people stop caring about the age difference unless one person is in their 20s and the other looks like they're going to die of old age soon. Granted, I personally haven't yet met anyone in their 30s or older that I would be attracted to in any way at all, but that's not saying that I never will. Right now the oldest person I've been attracted to is 30, but most of the time my taste runs towards people who look like they could be in their early to mid 20s. I tend to avoid anyone who looks young (the 18 year old was an exception and I've learned my lesson about 18 year olds >.>), but am wary of anyone who looks around 20/21, in case they're younger than they look

 

Ultimately, age doesn't matter as long as both parties are consenting adults and they're happy together. I have a friend who is 22 and her boyfriend is 31, and my aunt is in her early 40s but her partner is in his fifties. We can't go around assuming that it's bad just because we wouldn't do it ourselves, or because we've had bad experiences that we don't want to see anyone else go through.

 

It all depends on the situation, since there are other things to consider. For example, I had another friend who had a thing with a man 15 years older than her, and my problem wasn't with the fact that she was 26 and he was 41, my problem was that he was one of her college lecturers, he was married with a couple of kids, and he had her convinced that he was going to leave his wife for her, though he never did. The age gap wasn't a problem, the situation was, and I would have been happy for her only he was a total **.

 

I didn't expect this to turn into a rant, sorry about that

Edited July 24, 2013 by Dijabringabeeralong

[MichealTozier]

As long as everyone is consenting and old enough or consenting and have parental ok, I don't mind. usually I would say underage is a no, but I have met a few younger people who have a startling grip on mature subjects and literally dont think or feel like young kids. A teenage friend of mine is dating a younger girl and I was freaked out until I met her and shes VERY VERY mentally and emotionally mature. To be honest shes more mentally and physically grown than he is and her family knows all about it and they aren't sexual. He has actually proposed to her (they have been together about 4-5 months) and she is focusing on school and he on getting a stable job. In those situations where they are both young and have talked things out with parental figures, I am ok with it. If he was a bit older I would probably have issues but, everything is ok and they aren't having sex so I am all for it as long as they are responsible.

EDIT the age diffrence is only 6 years, not a huge gap. Sorry for the rant

Edited August 5, 2013 by LokisLady

[Obscure_Trash]

This may be relevant again.

[Kestra15]

Due to Mr Fry's engagement?

[Omega Entity]

Princess Kiara's Crush thread, would be my guess.

 

My outlook is the same here as elsewhere - save the age gaps for when you're older, hopefully wiser, and until a time you have enough experience and are comfortable enough in your own skin.

Edited January 7, 2015 by Omega Entity

[Shienvien]

Depends very heavily on the people involved and their physical and mental development. 15 and 20 is questionable, 25 and 30 is perfectly ok no questions asked (provided no one is abusive and so forth). I personally think that age gaps spanning 15, 20 or more years aren't necessarily the best idea (since do what you might, age will catch up with one much sooner than the other), but I wouldn't condemn people for it if they are happy, either.

 

As for when one person is minor and the age gap is more than two years... The "more than two years" is added there since, say, 17 and 19 or 16 and 17-18 might apply as adult dating an underage person depending on regional laws, and generally does not stand for all that significant mental and physical gap. (Therefore being OK both parties being consenting given.)

As for the 15-year-old and 20-year-old type of situations mentioned above... I wouldn't outright bar those people from being together, but I would say this relationship should be monitored. If people are just spending time together and being happy, especially if they refrain from having actual sex, why not? But if it does occur that one starts to pressurize the other into something, cut it out. So ... yeah. That big an age gap that early on is certainly basis for heavier scrutiny, but may under certain circumstances be acceptable and, more importantly, harmless.

 

(Relatedly, if people are really only being friends, then age indeed does not matter.)