Age Gaps in Relationships

[Blueocean]

Other thing is, you'll constantly be mistaken for his daughter just about anywhere you go. While this could be fun if you're the mischievous type, it will get old after a while.

[Reidragon]

I personally would not date anyone more then 8 years older then me or 6 years younger. My current boyfriend is 4 years younger then me. Me being 29 as of Febuary 13th and him being 25 in May. Despite him being younger he is super mature so we get along fantastic. Heck sometimes he is more mature then me

[annageckos]

I think most people would throw their 'age limits' out the window if they meet someone they really fall for.

[LupaWulf]

Two angles I'm seeing here, and thinking of myself:

1: Older man=more maturity. Good thing. If you're OK with the age gap, and so is he, this is fine. But be aware that he will likely have vastly different interests than you do. Especially as those interests change over time.

 

2: You will be turning 50 when he is retiring, and you'll still have a good 15 years on your working career while he's getting antsy to travel the world and enjoy retirement. When you hit 65 and are ready to retire, he'll be 80 and slowing WAY down, while you'll be ready to go see the world and get going on retirement. You'll spend your golden years taking care of him and watching him go downhill while you're still active and (somewhat) energetic.

 

Now, #2 isn't guaranteed to be the case. (neither is #1 for that matter) but being with a man of such a significant age difference should be strongly contemplated before you jump in. You're 19. Most people don't get married and settle down until they're closer to 25 or 30 anymore. Is he a great guy? It sounds like it. Is he "The One?" There's no way I, or anyone on here could know that. My advice is to take it slow and keep you mind open. There are a lot of long term potential 'down sides' to consider. And if this is going to be for life, then you cannot be too picky about the one with whom you will spend your whole life. Choose wisely, or there will certainly be heart-break in your near future.

These are some wonderful points.

 

A very good friend of mine married a man who is much older than she is. They work wonderfully together and are a great couple. Everything Blueocean said is true though.

Plus her big fear is loosing him. She knows she will have to be or have to organize his care taking when he gets to that point in life. (Big age gap, think far more than 10 years.).

 

I'm not saying their relationship is bad, actually it's one of the better ones I know of. The two of them just work together and you can see it when you spend time with them and their family. But the inevitable is there as well. Something to keep in mind that the younger person is most likely going to have to deal with.

 

 

Honestly, even with a 10 year gap, there are a lot of milestones that are going come up regarding health, doctors, testing. There will be a lot of times the younger person will have to be supportive and helpful.

 

 

 

 

That said, it could happen with anyone even without a gap too. I'm only a couple of years younger than my boyfriend and he needs a new pacemaker within the next year or so. (He was born with a heart defect.). He has supported me through a lot of procedures and treatments for a chronic illness too. But these aren't usual and had nothing to do with age.

[pony459]

Age is only a number and it really comes down to maturity level. However, too big of an age difference can be harmful. If a 30 year old is dating an 17 year old then the power levels in the relationship are not equal and obviously the 17 year old is in a totally different stage of life then the 30 year old. It's honestly not great in my opinion, even if they are "in love" you can probably find someone closer in age that you can also fall in love with.

[CaesarZeppeli]

I am with a guy that is two years younger than I am. Yes, I know that isn't a /big/ difference and we are both older than 18. With me, I have this typical woman thing about age sometimes, he may outlive me even though we are both active and try to stay healthy. I know I need to get over it but that 2 year difference sometimes bothers me.

Edited February 23, 2015 by ElementalMistressLuna

[Shienvien]

He may outlive me even though we are both active and try to stay healthy. I know I need to get over it but that 2 year difference sometimes bothers me.

The average lifespan of women is longer than that of men - by notably more than two years. Statistically, you're still much more likely to outlive him than he you...

[Obscure_Trash]

Or those people could just not have sex until they both are legal age. "Relationship" does not always immediately mean that the people in it are having sex.

Depending on the age difference/situation, this type of thing can be abusive/gross. See "grooming".

[Shienvien]

Depending on the age difference/situation, this type of thing can be abusive/gross. See "grooming".

If things get abusive/uncomfortable for one part of the couple, then the relationship should be off immediately, regardless of the ages of the participants. I was mostly referring to getting around the law in case of perfectly healthy relationships that are a bit off in terms of the occasionally slightly wonky age of consent laws (as in those tend to get in the way of people who, amongst other things, are of sufficiently similar physical and mental development).

[Laugh]

When you're falling in love I doubt the racing thoughts in your head will be about the age gap. Relationships are built off compatibility with one another's physical and emotional intimacy. It is not built off something as trivial as age, which is just a number representing how many Earth revolutions you've been through. It definitely does not represent your maturity level as you yourself represent that.

[amthystfire]

When you're falling in love I doubt the racing thoughts in your head will be about the age gap. Relationships are built off compatibility with one another's physical and emotional intimacy. It is not built off something as trivial as age, which is just a number representing how many Earth revolutions you've been through. It definitely does not represent your maturity level as you yourself represent that.

Actually, having recently done this whole mess, yes, this was quite predominant in my thought process (as the potential older party)

[sara4cows]

My husband and I are 17 years apart. It works because we make it work, does he drive me nuts sometimes with his old movies, you bet, but a man my age might drive me nuts with video games. We have plenty of common interest and plenty of stuff to talk about.

It is more important to me that a relationship be a healthy partnership than anything else. It doesn't matter what the age.

[KuroYukia]

And would it be illegal for a 19 year old to simply DATE a 16 year old? I mean, in a non-physical relationship? It is possible you know, you can be in a non-physical romantic relationship with someone.

To be fair a few things matter. In some states a 16 year old can date someone i think 4-6 years older as long as theres no sex, without being supervised to make sure they're not doing anything. Otherwise its statuary (sp) rape.

 

My state you can be married at 14 as long as theres parent signatures.

 

Then again, I started dating my boyfriend who's 15 years older then me when I turned 16, which is the legal age of consent. we've been together since then and yes we have our differences but it makes us unique.

 

He does point out, I will never be his equal in maturity level which is true he'll have 15 years on me but he never means it to be superior to me.

 

I don't think everyone should be in age gap relationships, some would never work out, but I do tell people if they're curious to try it and be honest with their partner about unsure about the age differences.

[Omega Entity]

He does point out, I will never be his equal in maturity level which is true he'll have 15 years on me but he never means it to be superior to me.

Bull****. There isn't a need to point out that you'll -never- be as mature unless it is to make themselves superior. The very fact he even mentions it is childish.

 

Also, maturity level isn't determined by age. I know plenty of younger people who are far more mature than those 20+ years older than they are.

Edited March 9, 2015 by Omega Entity

[KaelaBoo24]

I think the older the couple is the less it matters. My parents are 10 years apart but they met when my mom was 25 and my dad was 35. However when it comes to lets say a 15 year old dating a 25 year old that can be a bit iffy for me, but in some cases I do believe there are genuine feelings involved.

[Rachel72]

As long as the 2 people involved are happy, who cares!!!