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Warfare of the Salizdorian Races

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Welcome to the Roleplay!

 

This is owned by me, and co-owned by Brisingrrider. (Ubbydubby)

 

 

The Warfare on Salizdor

 

 

History of the Planet

-------------------------

 

The planet Salizdor has a history of breaking into magical warfare between the many races that live there. The more powerful of the races are the dragons and the elves, the dragons being elite with their kind patriarch Voarex. The dragons choose to be peaceful and not partake in such unnecessary bloodshed. The humans, with their industrial ways and their head engineer, Solaris, are creating efficient, deadly and detailed war machines to fight the nomads. However, to make these machines you need many materials, some of which are in the Iglari Forest. This is angering the ents and the elves, and they are up in arms and ready to fight. The elves are using perfected, detailed and ingenious plans made by their brilliant Queen Iora, to fight against the nomads and the humans. The ents are the foot soldiers of the elven army and the elven armorers help the ents by crafting magical weapons and armor for them to use. Sucrow, the devious leader of the nomads, takes advantage of the dark voodoo magic that is part of his race. This magic that he uses, lets him see various key points in the war which has allowed him to survive against the elven onslaught. He uses his powers of vision to play dirty and use sly tricks against his foes. Whether it is poisoning their meals with Siall weed, or launching underwater attacks made possible with Utore bushes, he finds some way to match his opponents.

 

Salizdor has almost destroyed itself several times over and has had to start over with technology again and again. That is why even though it is an old planet, it is still in the medieval times. It has many islands because of the destruction of the once large continents through the wars. Because of the magical radiation, each group of islands and each continent has very different climates and weather patterns. Lately, huge earthquakes threaten to split the planet near in two, and the only way to stop them is to either make peace between the races, or obliterate them. The planet only has five years left unless the fighting halts.

 

Few beings try to keep any real peace whatsoever. Huge poisonous spells caused by excessive magic use are killing the inhabitants of Salizdor, war machines are trampling all vegetation, and the world is turning to dust. Can anyone save the planet from annihilation?

 

 

Plot

------

On a planet far from Earth, dragons roam free in the open blue skies, and elves inhabit the lush green terrain. However, the planet is falling apart at the seams from excessive warfare, and it seems no one can stop its terrible destruction.

 

Currently the fighting is at a halt, but it won't be for long. Sucrow has been in his lair for weeks, and nothing good could come from that. Now, not only are the various races feuding, but now the humans, nomads, and elves, are fighting within themselves. The world is turning into a huge free for all. There are elves defending their homeland with their queen Iora, and others that are out for domination with the nomads and the dark sorcerer Sucrow. Humans have seen the dragons and are now fighting to discover where their residence is, or leave them be and fight the nomads with their fearless leader Solai. Nomads are starting to wonder whether they should follow Surcrow's vicious instructions, or fight to keep a balance between the races.

 

There aren't any races trying to make peace, and the earthquakes are becoming larger in magnitude and frequency, but only a few notice the situation's gravity. New fights will surely break out externally between the races as well as internally. Will you fight? Will you conquer? Will you defend? Will you make peace?

 

 

http://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http://f...pdf&chrome=true Here is the map of Salizdor by Bris. (ubbydubby)

 

Areas

---------------

Niraicha

Niraicha is where the humans live to the best of their ability in the mountainous lands. They hunt both small game and large game to make their living, but also craft various items to make money as well.

 

Cloryian

The elves reside in the vast forests that span then entire continent of Cloriyan. Within the forests are several cities and various water sources as well as proficient game, fruits and vegetables. Ents also live within this forest and have a symbiotic relationship with the elves.

 

Rhiohria

The dark nomads live on the continent of Rhiohria and wonder the fast plains and deserts of that island. They have everything they need on the single island and make due with what they have when they don't have what they want or need.

Skulblaka

Skulblaka isn't necessarily a continent. Instead it is a large floating island that is held there by the impressive magic that the dragons naturally possess. There are a few grassy plains that support animals that are large enough to satiate the dragons hunger and there are also lakes with large fish in them.

 

 

Character types

---------------------

Human - Beings with vast mechanical knowledge that can build almost anything

imaginable.

 

Elf - Humanoids with extra stamina, strength, speed, and magical ability. Taller then humans. Live roughly 1,000 years.

 

Dragon - Large beasts typically winged, with either scales or leathery skin. All types can breathe some amount of fire. Live until killed in combat.

 

Ent - Creatures that look nearly identical to trees and roam the forests of Salizdor. They are 4x the size of a human and have abilities (healing, ability to grow small bulbous plants that have legs and help them fight, see other places on Salzidor through any surface of water as long as they have been there before.). Live for 20,000 years.

 

Plain Nomad - Legend has it that they are made from the nutrient deprived soil itself. They are the size of a human, have typically silver irises, grey cracked skin, and are nearly fully covered in fabrics all the time. Nobody knows how long they live. If they touch water they experience very extreme pain and if they are in contact for 1 minute their skin starts peeling off.

 

Possible mounts (unless your character can tame animals, or build machines):

Jeingo

Nanostrider

Oocala

 

Animals on the Planet

---------------------------

Pagire(s) - Look like pterodactyls, aggressive, always are in the sky. Live for 35 years or so. Can be any shade of green, red, yellow, orange, or turquoise. Most have battle scars.

 

Jeingo(s) - Striped panthers you can ride, they travel in clans. Live for roughly 75 years. Can be white, grey, black, or cloudy blue. Most have some kind of markings.

 

Oocala(s) - Colorful feathered land birds with legs like an ostrich, you can ride them, they travel in twos or threes. Have a hard armored outer bone mask. Live for about 50 years. Come in every shade of the rainbow.

 

Nagiri(s) - Armored creatures that are in the shape of giraffes, they roam alone and are not friendly. Live roughly 100 years. Come in grey, bronze, dark green, or maroon.

 

Oesse (plural and non-plural) - Large eels that are found in nearly all lakes on Salizdor. Their scale colors are a range of purples, greens, reds, and oranges. For some reason, they only eat humans and the plants found in their lakes. Most have ornate patterns on their sides.

 

Regular Earth animals - squirrels, bears, rabbits, etc)

Vegetation

-------------

Aloaji Blossoms - Small pink flowers that have a cherry-like flavor and have amazing amounts of nutrients. Found in the Ilgari and Newhaven forests, and also at the bank of Seawyrm lake.

 

Iurna Trees - Extremely tall trees that at the top have a fruit similar to a starfruit which has a tough skin. The skin can heal internal and external wounds. Can be found on the Kalelai plains and on the Alkambrian Islands.

 

Siall Weed - Found only at the bottom of the deepest lakes, when ingested it paralyzes the eater for days on end. Slimy, dark green, and very thin.

 

Utore Bushes - Small bushes that are covered in needle-sharp thorns. Their leaves when used in a certain potion allow plain nomads to touch water with no pain for one hour. The thorns are bright red, and the leaves are oily and dark orange. Found on the Alkambrian, Slytherian, and Endarian Islands.

 

Regular Earth plants - Roses, oaks, sycamores, peaches, apples, etc

 

Rules!

 

 

Do Not

-----------

Play other peoples characters for them.

Have a perfect character. Two or three flaws each.

Talk with symbols or text chat. Ex. St@r w@lked t0w@rd$ him $lowly.

Swear.

Have extensive romance scenes.

Have gore. Severed limbs, heads, eyeballs, etc.

 

 

Do

----

Be nice.

Have proper grammar. Please smile.gif

Spell correctly. There is spell check on here after all!

Have good imagery. Ex. Do: The sleek black leopard paced toward the wavering fire, his fur seeming to glow in the light of the flickering flames. Don't: The black leopard walked toward the fire.

 

Always!

-----------

Have fun!

 

 

Character Sheet

---------------------

Username:

Character name:

Age:

Gender:

Appearance:

History:

Personality:

Race:

 

 

Mount Sheet (if your charrie has one)

------------------

Name:

Rider:

Gender:

Age:

Appearance:

Race:

 

 

Current characters are below in Bris's post.

 

This is taking place in a time where castles, armor, and swords are in use, but also technological machines are used by humans.

Edited by athania

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Hai Atha. I'm not an approver, but would love to help.

 

"On a planet far from Earth,dragons roam free in the open blue skies, and elves inhabit the lush green terrain. All is not perfect here though. A great evil is rising again, and there is no one to stop it from coming. On this planet, deep in an ancient forest, there is an old elven prophet."

 

These were his last words, with his final breath.

 

First comma, needs a space before dragons.

 

You also need at least two paragraphs of plot before it can be approved.

With the speech marks I put in, I think this is want you meant, he said it?

 

What is this evil? Why is it coming? How did it find them? Why can no one stop it? Has it happened before, you said again? Prey, what about prey?

 

Questions such as this.

 

I know you have already mentioned the setting, but you'll have to include it. Either make a map, or describe it quite well.

What is the time period? Is it 100 years into the future? Is it back in medieval times? Will you find dinosaurs?

 

What animals are there on this planet as well?

 

--

 

Okay, you haven't got any charrie sheet. Every good roleplay needs one, so I suggest including:

Username

Character name

Age

Gender

Appearance

History

Personality

 

What creatures may users be? Only dragons? The great evil? Humans? What?

 

Also.

What do the users do in this roleplay?

Do they fight evil? Do they sit around and eat cookies? Fly around space?

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Characters:

 

brisingrrider

 

Character name: Kaeti

Age: 14

Gender: Female

Appearance: Short, light brown hair that falls around her shoulders. She has light green eyes and is of medium height.

History: She came to Salizdor many years ago when she was eight, and has made her own way since. She has found a cabin on the edge of the ___ woods (will fill in later) and a guide of animals and plants in the world. She loves animals, and has a sparrow and a dog as pets in her house who she loves a lot and will do anything to protect them.

Personality: Sweet and caring, loves animals and will always try to do the right thing. She listens to her heart and is selfless and trusting.

Race: Human

 

Mounts:

 

brisingrrider

 

Rider Name: Kaeti

Mount Name: Cornick

Gender: Male

Age: 9 (oldish in horse years)

Appearence: Light brown, short and stocky, but able to run fairly fast. Loving and loyal, he will always take care of Kaeti.

Race: Horse

 

 

 

Hey all! Atha and I agreed to have this RP together, so I will keep this post updated with the character sheets. biggrin.gif

 

Atha, you should fix the mount sheets to say who their rider its.

Also, I will post a map hopefully very soon.

Another also: Dragongirl, the evil is just earthquakes, and more wars and the nomads in the desert getting more powerful. Hmm... Atha, we should let people be nomads.

Edited by brisingrrider

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Characters:

 

athania

Character name: Akari

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Appearance: Long wavy brown hair that has golden streaks in it, fair skin, shorter than the average elf (size of a human), ears are only slightly pointed, bright emerald green eyes, and has a crescent shaped scar framing her face from her Nagiri mount Ejenra when she found him.

History: Ever since she was little, Akari always loved all of the animals of her planet, even the Nagiris outside her small hometown. One day when she was twelve, her mother sent her out to pick the berries from the bushes in the outskirts of town. When she got to the bushes she found a small Nagiri baby hiding in the bush. Her eyes moved to the large gash in its side. She remembered that if a baby Nagiri was hurt, the mother would abandon it. She reached out to touch the small creature, and it lashed out at her, giving her a very deep gash in the side of her face. She yelped, but didn't pull away. She picked up the small Nagiri and ran home to her mother. They tended to it's wounds and hers, and it never strayed from her side since.

Personality: Kind and caring, loving, sweet, intelligent. Because of her huge heart, she could never harm anything even if it was going to harm her. She also panics whenever she is put on the spot.

Race: Elf

 

Character Name: Talon

Gender: Male

Age: 16

Race: elf

History: A lonely peasant farmer boy, Talon has always had a huge crush on the chief's daughter, Akari. He has always adored her dainty grace ever since he met her when they both went berry-picking one day. He has noted that Akari has a certain way with animals, almost an unspoken language and understanding. Every time he sees her, he tries to impress her with various tactics that almost always end in failure, and her not even noticing him.

Appearance: Spiky short black hair, one electric blue eye and one a deep navy hue, tanned skin (for an elf), average elven height, toned muscles on his arms and legs, 6-pack

Personality: Has a manly caring strong aura about him, very polite and kind, would do anything in the world for Akari, isn't very brave, has an iron will for what he believes is right, and is a skilled blacksmith from practicing in his spare time.

 

Character name: Arie

Age: 20

Gender: Female

Appearance: Arie has long silvery, wavy hair. Her eyes are quite unusual as she actually has dark grey irises instead of completely black eyes. Her skin is pasty white and has shallow cracks in it like a dried up lake bed. She typically wears a dark red braided hairband, a maroon leather armor chest-piece, black gloves, pitch black leather armor plates on her legs, and wears dusty grey combat boots. She has a strap of weapons across her chest which includes assorted knives, poisons, and some mysterious bubbling solutions.

History: Arie grew up in a large family with 5 other siblings in a poor area of Selier, a large town in the northwest peninsula of Rhiohria. Her family only lived by stealing what they needed to feed and clothe their 8 family members. As soon as she was 18, she joined the nomadic army, which paid her family enough to keep them from needing to steal ever again.

Personality: Because she was a trained warrior at 18 years old, she never had much emotion, otherwise she would break down and cry from all the gore and killing she had seen before. However, if someone showed her the love and happiness in the world again, she would open up and show them her beautiful, loyal heart.

Race: Plain Nomad

 

ubbydubby

Character name: Kaeti

Age: 14

Gender: Female

Appearance: Short, light brown hair that falls around her shoulders. She has light green eyes and is of medium height.

History: She came to Salizdor many years ago when she was eight, and has made her own way since. She has found a cabin on the edge of the Ilgari forest along with a guide of animals and plants in the world. She loves animals, and has a sparrow and a dog as pets in her house who she loves a lot and will do anything to protect them.

Personality: Sweet and caring, loves animals and will always try to do the right thing. She listens to her heart and is selfless and trusting, but doesn't like making snap decisions. She will stop and think about what she's doing even if she is in the middle of a race or something. She loves animals so much that she will protect them against anything, even really powerful enemies.

Race: Human

 

Character Name: Lief

Age: 15

Gender: Male

Appearance: He is tall with medium shoulder-length black hair swept back to the side. He has piercing green eyes that make him seem like he knows exactly what you're thinking. He also has a small scar on his right cheekbone from some unknown encounter with humans.

History: He came from a family of harsh, unforgiving elves and lived in Ilgari forest for most of his life, and since then has been wandering around the world of Salizdor, learning the harsh realities of the world he lives in.

Personality: On the outside he is harsh and unforgiving, but inside he hates everyone around him, wanting to destroy them, caused by all the hatred and war he has witnessed. However, he will start to harbor certain feelings for Kaeti when they meet. He is merciless, and will double-cross and cheat off of his 'allies', but if/when he meets a truly honest person, he will not harm them and will protect them, in an effort to save the good in the world of Salizdor.

Race: Elf

 

Character name: Sphy

Age: 2,000 years

Gender: Male

Appearance: A ice-blue dragon, with piercing eyes the same color as his skin. He has a white scale right underneath his left jawbone, with darker blue wingtips and muzzle.

History: An old dragon, he sometimes visits Skulblaka but is usually off hunting around for adventures. He has gotten himself into many scrapes over the years, but has always managed to get through somehow, usually by means of trickery.

Personality: He is wise and brave, but will back down from a fight if he knows he cannot win without a miracle. He can be shy meeting other dragons, and is kind to the little ones. However, he is also slightly bloodthirsty and enjoys a good battle where the sides are evenly matched or tilted in his favor.

Race: Dragon

 

9pmg5665

Character name: Connor

Age: 23

Gender: Male

Appearance: Blonde with red shorts made for running with deep blue eyes for nice, red for anger, and green for shy.

History: His first time actually experiencing war was when he wanted to. He pretty much just walked up to the battle field, pulled up a lawn chair and ate some popcorn. He always wanted to help the side of his own race and has his own robot mount.

Personality: Nice, anger, and shy are his three different personalities. Though he does always craft things, mainly clockwork and steam punk.

Race: Human

 

Colourcodedchaos

Character name: Violet Clayton

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Appearance: She's of an average height, with razor cheekbones and a pale complexion to her face when it's visible through the accumulated soot and grime. Her hair, originally dead-mouse brown, has been dyed jet black in colour by the choking smoke of human furnaces. It's cut in a slightly ragged bob and usually jammed under some sort of protective headgear. She's possessed of a decidedly androgynous form, though this may just be the cut of the engineering jumpsuit she wears - and considering it's surmounted by a hardened leather apron, this looks pretty likely. Large combat boots complete the outfit.

History: Born into grinding poverty in the sunless depths of a human tech citadel, Violet Clayton had three options: get smart, get a slaggy outfit, or stay in squalor for the rest of her days. She threw herself into private study, saving up the pay from her menial, back-breaking job in one of the city's innumerable factories to buy textbooks. Eventually, she knew enough - or thought she did - to write a paper on a new design for carbon-sequestering bypass filters and send it off for publication, complete with some working models. She was 14. After that, she was given a new position in the factory close to the manager and found she enjoyed the R'n'D department - working with her team on building all sorts of fantastical items. Her mother still resents her for it.

Personality: Clayton is a certified genius with technology and an incredible work ethic, but she suffers from manic depression and a huge inferiority complex. Reserved to the point of outright terror at social interaction and terrified of being hurt by people, she tends to follow orders without question; any "bad" behaviour as a child and young adult resulted in savage beatings from her mother (her father gone long before her birth, lost to one of the innumerable grumbling skirmishes that have ground on since time immemorial), who didn't so much believe in 'Spare the rod and spoil the child' as 'Spare the rod and use an old sock with a brick in it instead.' As such, she's physically tremendously weak and pretty much useless in a fight, having a tendency to flashback whenever someone bigger than her shows up with an eye for a fight. Given her petite stature, this tends to be basically everyone.

Race: Human

 

Character name: Drasil

Age: 17,000, roughly; what does a tree care for exactly how old it is?

Gender: Tree

Appearance: An ambulatory hawthorn tree with archer gantries built into its head. No face; it sees and hears and speaks through the arrangement of leaves and branches.

History: Drasil is old, very old. It's seen more wars than any other ent, and that little fact has led it to near-madness (so everyone thinks). It remembers the times when the world rained fire and acid and the "Fall Out" of the humans' evil poison bombs, times of victory and defeat. No living creature could survive it and not go mad; even the half-life of an ent, raised out of the ground by elvish magic and the waters of Cloryian's underground river network, is subject to age. Age has brought it strength, thick, gnarled bark and big, green leaves kept forever by the witchcraft of its masters. Yet the word one immediately thinks when looking at the tree-creature is... tired. An aura of hangdog age wraps it and its drivers, especially when a war is in the offing. Perhaps this ent is more intelligent than usual. Perhaps not. What is known is that it remembers the Rising... and the Axe Harrying that followed.

Personality: Insofar as a tree can be said to have a personality, Drasil's is changeable. It stands guard at the elvish Household Cavalry barracks with grim fortitude and something approaching contemplation, but in a pitched battle it howls with rage, roaring its challenge (at least, so we assume, since the language of the ents has long been lost to the elves) to the enemies of the Crown. However, there's always a slight air about the tree that makes one think it's... up to something.

Race: Ent

 

Tiffashy

Character name: Rasi

Age: 117

Gender: Female

Appearance: She is an Seasonal dragon. Rasi can only change her looks when she feels threaten, embassed, happy, sad, angered (she rarely gets angry). She cannot choose what she looks like and can breath fire.

History: She has a rare abilty to change her looks. But only when her emotions change, her looks change which sometimes make it hard for her to blend in when hiding. Rasi has always ingored the rules and went off exploring away from her parents, and she got lost. How she survived is a mystery.

Personality: Cheerful, happy, and cheeky. She likes to play games with anyone, even strangers when she is bored. Rasi is also a very trusting character, she can be easily fooled as long as there is a 'game'. Rasi doesn't know much about dangers and could easily get into trouble.

Race: Dragon

 

Character name: Artaxes

Age: 340

Gender: Male

Appearance: Black, sleek looking, has lots of spines running down his back and as a spine on his tail, used as a weapon of defense. Many small but long horns sit on his head and his underbelly is red. His teeth can inject vemon into other creatures which can take a while to knock out other creatures but does take time to do its work.

History: Not much is known about him, where he came from and where he lives is a mystery. What is known about him is that he works alone and will do any dirty work for others just for gems. His father taught him all he knows about tricks. Artaxes has a weakness for gems and other shiny stuff like gold and would do anything for them, incuding capturing, killing, stealing, and destroying. He lives by his own rules.

Personality: He is one of those characters who appear from behind and creep you out when you hear his cold voice hissing in your ear. He doesn't like diverting much attention to himself and blends in with other dragons easily or just hides in the shadows. Artaxes's family has a bad habit for loving gems which lead them to their deaths and they carried their love for gems to their son. He would risk his life and would do anything for something that is shiny or rare even if it endangeres his life. He is calm, quick and dangerous. Artaxes is someone that you do not want to mess with.

Race: Dragon

 

Mounts:

 

athania

Name: Ejenra

Rider: Akari

Gender: Male

Age: 7

Appearance: Small (for a Nagiri), has dark blue eyes, silver scales, grey hooves, and a crecent scar matching Akari's on his left side.

Race: Nagiri

 

ubbydubby

Rider Name: Kaeti

Mount Name: Fayolin

Gender: Female

Age: 9 (oldish in horse years)

Appearence: Light brown, short and stocky, but able to run fairly fast. Loving and loyal, she will always take care of Kaeti if she can.

Race: Horse

 

Rider Name: Lief

Mount Name: Ionocrest

Gender: Male

Age: 48

Appearance: Tall, with a long neck and has scales like iron plating. Lief sits high up on his neck, and he has a tail that is very flexible. He is vulnerable right above his foot, and if struck there he will falter and probably trip.

Race: Nagiris

 

9pmg5665

Name: Punter

Rider: Connor

Gender: None

Age: 4

Appearance: About 7 feet tall, 5 feet in length, 3 feet in width. It is very shiny, metallic, and has four seats. It also has two rotatable cannons. It has four legs so its mainly a quad walked. Inside of it are three rows. The back one has two tanks. One is for water tanks and the other one is used for holding steam. Other then that, the seats are leather. It does have a more or less steering wheel.

 

 

The Map

Edited by ubbydubby

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Hey there, noticed that ya'll two have hardly any critique going on at the moment.

 

Really right now all I can focus on is the way that things are laid out in the RP because they are kinda backwards to your traditionall lay out.

 

Normally, you would put down the History, then the Setting, Plot, Rules and Characters.

 

Your history and plot are contradicting each other too. In your plot, you state that a dark evil is arising and that someone has to figure out how to stop this evil, yet in your history you state that the main conflict is natural disasters so I am kinda confused here.

 

With your rules, remove the caps because they are generally not allowed. I like the format of them however. You still may want to change the sizing of everything that way it makes more sense.

 

Kinda like this:

 

Rules

 

Do Not:

1. Play other peoples characters for them.

2. Have a perfect character. (two or three flaws each)

3. Talk with symbols.

4. Swear.

5. Have extensive romance scenes.

6. Have gore. (severed limbs, heads, eyeballs, etc)

 

What do you mean by talk with symbols?

Are you going to want your players to list their flaws?

 

 

With the Do's, and you say Do have good imagery, what do you mean?

 

You also may want to explain what each species is in regards to character types. Not just simple sentences, but a real get down and describe time description. Doing the same with the animals would also help out as well.

 

Start with this, so that you can do it piece by piece, and then I'll post some more about format.

I like the plot and how you made this your own, just needs some refinement...but then again don't we all?

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All right, I will tell athania if she doesn't see this.

I get what you're saying about the caps for the rules, too!

She means chat speak and stuff like that.

Probably not to list them, just mention in their description.

For the imagery, she means not to say things like "The black leopard walked toward the fire." Instead you should say "The sleek black leopard paced toward the wavering fire, his fur seeming to glow in the light of the flickering flames."

For the animals, yes, we should, but this is still in progress.

Yep, this is actually based on a book I'm thinking of writing, so I'm hoping for some ideas for the story to come out of this.

Thanks for the critique, nobody had posted in a while :D

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There, fixed most of those issues. =)

 

My character =D

 

Username: Athania

Character name: Akari

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Appearance: Long wavy brown hair that has golden streaks in it, fair skin, shorter than the average elf (size of a human), ears are only slightly pointed, bright emerald green eyes, and has a crescent shaped scar framing her face from her Nagiri mount Ejenra when she found him.

History: Ever since she was little, Akari always loved all of the animals of her planet, even the Nagiris outside her small hometown. One day when she was 12, her mother sent her out to pick the berries from the bushes in the outskirts of town. When she got to the bushes she found a small Nagiri baby hiding in the bush. Her eyes moved to the large gash in its side. She remembered that if a baby Nagiri was hurt, the mother would abandon it. She reached out to touch the small creature, and it lashed out at her, giving her a very deep gash in the side of her face. She yelped, but didn't pull away. She picked up the small Nagiri and ran home to her mother. They tended to it's wounds and hers, and it never strayed from her side since.

Personality: Kind and caring, loving, sweet, intelligent. Because of her huge heart, she could never harm anything even if it was going to harm her. She also panics whenever she is put on the spot.

Race: Elf

 

 

 

Akari's Mount!

 

Name: Ejenra

Rider: Akari

Gender: Male

Age: 7

Appearance: Small (for a Nagiri), has dark blue eyes, silver scales, grey hooves, and a crecent scar matching Akari's on his left side.

Race: Nagiri

 

 

Note:

 

Brisingrrider (ubbydubby), you need to add flaws to Kaeti. Two or three please =)

Edited by athania

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athania,

 

You need to really change the format of your RP if you want to get people's attention. Here is your typical layout.

 

History

Plot

Setting

Extras (definitions of creatures, plants, beings, deities)

Rules

Character Sheets

Place to store Character Sheets

 

Also, I would try and develop the History a bit more as well as the plot. Maybe adding some main protagonists and antagonists that people can side with.

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Setting ties in with history, and there is a map biggrin.gif

Protagonists would be probably mine and atha's charries, and we need to think of an antagonist. Atha, would you be okay with my other charrie I told you about in RL being the antagonist?

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hmmm... How about I make a Desert Nomad? And you could make a human or elf gone bad maybe? >:D

 

 

Edited by athania

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@ Bris - History and Setting can tie into each other, but your setting is outweighing your history. And from what I can see, your history and setting don't tie in together. The setting is the way things look, beings, flora, and fauna. So the map is pretty good for that. However your History which (look at quote below) is to give the characters of the RP something to stand on.

 

@ Athania - That looks much much better! However I am still confused about the history.

 

You really aren't giving a whole lot of background for the RPers.

 

This is a quote from the Extra Rules and Guidelines thread:

 

The history of your roleplay is just that: the history. What are the major events that people should know about? What events brought the current events about? How did today's situation come to be? History is important. It allows the characters to know what is going on. Otherwise, they have no knowledge of their own world.

 

I can see where you added the antagonists and protagonists, however it isn't part of the history. You added it like it was just a chunk of information which it is, but it doesn't fit into the history at all.

 

Salizdor has almost destroyed itself several times over and has had to start over with technology again and again. That is why even though it is an old planet, it is still in the medieval times. It has many islands because of the destruction of the once large continents through the wars. Caused by the magical radiation, each group of islands and each continent has very different climates and weather patterns. Lately, huge earthquakes threaten to split the planet near in two, and the only way to stop them is to either make peace between the races, or obliterate them. The planet only have 5 years left unless the fighting halts. Who can save Salizdor from this fate?

 

You're giving the basics and more so the setting than even a History. All you really state that is a history is that there were a lot of wars and the present earth quakes. How do Solai, Sucrow, and Voarex come into play? Did they try and stop the wars?

 

 

You also have a lot of what I means and a lot of parenthesis.

 

There is a definition already for NPC which is "No Player Character". So anything extra that you have to add on to that needs to be placed in rules.

 

I'm trying not to take over the whole style of the RP, but there are some things that are really missing. You have a plot, which is nice, but again, how does the main antagonist fit in? What is his/her purpose?

 

 

The rules are in the right place now, however it is still really difficult to discern between them. Again, there are a lot of parenthesis which are hard to read. When you are giving an example you would do this.

 

Rule blah blah blah. Example: blah blah blah

 

See what I mean?

 

 

With the creatures, you need to define all of them including the dragons wink.gif

 

 

 

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Hi! Can I suggest something?

 

In the Character section:

 

First, bolding or making the title stand out makes it easier for players to find the section, and also indicates the start of a new area in the OP.

 

My suggested format will be something like this:

Characters:

 

athania

 

Character name: Akari

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Appearance: Long wavy brown hair that has golden streaks in it, fair skin, shorter than the average elf (size of a human), ears are only slightly pointed, bright emerald green eyes, and has a crescent shaped scar framing her face from her Nagiri mount Ejenra when she found him.

History: Ever since she was little, Akari always loved all of the animals of her planet, even the Nagiris outside her small hometown. One day when she was twelve, her mother sent her out to pick the berries from the bushes in the outskirts of town. When she got to the bushes she found a small Nagiri baby hiding in the bush. Her eyes moved to the large gash in its side. She remembered that if a baby Nagiri was hurt, the mother would abandon it. She reached out to touch the small creature, and it lashed out at her, giving her a very deep gash in the side of her face. She yelped, but didn't pull away. She picked up the small Nagiri and ran home to her mother. They tended to it's wounds and hers, and it never strayed from her side since.

Personality: Kind and caring, loving, sweet, intelligent. Because of her huge heart, she could never harm anything even if it was going to harm her. She also panics whenever she is put on the spot.

Race: Elf

Mount:

Name: Ejenra

Gender: Male

Age: 7

Appearance: Small (for a Nagiri), has dark blue eyes, silver scales, grey hooves, and a crecent scar matching Akari's on his left side.

Race: Nagiri

 

 

ubbydubby

 

Character name: Kaeti

Age: 14

Gender: Female

Appearance: Short, light brown hair that falls around her shoulders. She has light green eyes and is of medium height.

History: She came to Salizdor many years ago when she was eight, and has made her own way since. She has found a cabin on the edge of the Ilgari forest along with a guide of animals and plants in the world. She loves animals, and has a sparrow and a dog as pets in her house who she loves a lot and will do anything to protect them.

Personality: Sweet and caring, loves animals and will always try to do the right thing. She listens to her heart and is selfless and trusting, but doesn't like making snap decisions. She will stop and think about what she's doing even if she is in the middle of a race or something. She loves animals so much that she will protect them against anything, even really powerful enemies.

Race: Human

Mount

Name: Cornick

Gender: Male

Age: 9 (oldish in horse years)

Appearence: Light brown, short and stocky, but able to run fairly fast. Loving and loyal, he will always take care of Kaeti.

Race: Horse

I added the mounts to the character sheets to make it easier to understand, so the players don't have to match the names and mounts up all the time. :3

 

Oh, and to add on to what Lovey said, you might want to put the fantasy setting indicator up with the setting. Um... wherever it will be. :3

Edited by lachrymation

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okay, I'm editing the characters right now but atha needs to edit her part.

Atha, you need to add that magic exists, otherwise the whole saving the planet from destruction thing won't really be understood.

-what abilities do Ents have?

I'll add more later.

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Oh! This is looking so much better! Better and better each time.

 

However, your history is still only a single paragraph and I don't think that I am explaining myself correctly.

 

Uhm, hold on a sec and let me edit in a history that shows what i mean by integrating (including) main characters into a History that way this makes sense....so just a sec smile.gif

 

EDIT:

 

http://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?act=ST&f=10&t=93524

 

http://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?act=ST&f=10&t=121671

 

 

Okay, with these focus on how the main characters are presented.

 

With the X-Men one, Nicandro and Riley are mentioned directly without any real background, however it is made apparent that they are to be the new leaders of the X-Men.

 

With the Trials and Travels one, the History tells about the past wars and elaborates on all of it along with giving a present situation. This one you can also look at the plot and see how there is a variation to the Plot. The RPer has choices to make.

 

Your plot needs to go more so into the history because you are telling what is going on right now. You're not telling the RPer what their choices are or what is going to be going on in the RP. Is a new battle going to break out? Where do you want people to start? Are they supposed to be in a specific land? Does everyone know what is going on? That kind of stuff.

Edited by LoveLost

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You're getting warmer dear! You see how your main characters are still in NPC form? You still haven't integrated them into the History. And you need to remove the NPC thing too.

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You're getting closer. Please be patient because there are things that are required and needed to have an RP approved. I'm gonna type up the history and send it to you via PM so you can see what I mean that way you aren't guessing.

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