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athania

Warfare of the Salizdorian Races

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We kinda want people to help make the story unfold, but atha, adding that there will be a war soon would be nice, so we have some direction of where to go with this biggrin.gif

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I think I already did in the plot. Yea, I already said "New fights will surely break out externally between the clans as well as internally. Will you fight? Will you conquer? Will you defend? Will you make peace?" smile.gif

Edited by athania

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So so so so so so so so so soorrry!!! I fell asleep before I could edit! Oh dear, I feel so badly! Okay, I am going to monster edit this to make up for the time that I lost....

 

With their industrial ways and their head engineer Solaris, the humans are creating efficient, deadly, and detailed machines to fight the nomads.

 

The humans, with their industrial ways and their head engineer, Solaris, are creating efficient, deadly and detailed war machines to fight the nomads.

 

The elves using perfected, detailed, ingenious plans made by their breathtaking and brilliant Queen Iora against the nomads and the humans.

 

The elves are using perfected, detailed and ingenious plans made by their brilliant Queen Iora, to fight against the nomads and the humans.

 

The ents are the foot soldiers of her army and her elven followers create magical weapons and armor for them to use

 

The ents are the foot soldiers of the elven army and the elven armorers help the ents by crafting magical weapons and armor for them to use.

 

Sucrow takes advantage of his dark magic to foresee various key points in the war, and this is the only way he survives against the elven onslaught.

 

Sucrow, the devious leader of the nomads, takes advantage of the dark voodoo magic that is part of his race. This magic that he uses, lets him see various key points in the war which has allowed him to survive against the elven onslaught.

 

Caused by the magical radiation, each group of islands and each continent has very different climates and weather patterns

 

Because of the magical radiation

 

The planet only has 5 years left unless the fighting halts.

5 -> five

 

 

Before all of the descriptions and characters and the map, you need to have a header titled "Setting" that way people know that the following things are part of the actual planet

 

The humans live mainly on the continent Niraicha. Elves reside in the forests on the Cloriyan continent. The nomads travel around in the vast plains of Rhiohria. Dragons fly around in the sky and live on the floating hunk of rock Skulblaka.

 

First off, this needs to be moved to the setting. It is really out of place in the History. A way to place it in the setting is like this:

 

Areas

Niraicha

Niraicha is where the humans live to the best of their ability in the mountainous lands. They hunt both small game and large game to make their living, but also craft various items to make money as well.

 

Cloryian

The elves reside in the vast forests that span then entire continent of Cloriyan. Within the forests are several cities and various water sources as well as proficient game, fruits and vegetables. Ents also live within this forest and have a symbiotic relationship with the elves.

 

Rhiohria

The dark nomads live on the continent of Rhiohria and wonder the fast plains and deserts of that island. They have everything they need on the single island and make due with what they have when they don't have what they want or need.

 

Skulblaka

Skulblaka isn't necessarily a continent. Instead it is a large floating island that is held there by the impressive magic that the dragons naturally possess. There are a few grassy plains that support animals that are large enough to satiate the dragons hunger and there are also lakes with large fish in them.

 

 

Nomads are starting to wonder whether they should follow Surcrow's vicious instructions, or fight to keep balance.

 

keep balance -> keep a balance between the races

 

No clan is trying to make any peace, and the earthquakes are becoming a larger magnitude and are coming more frequently, but only a few notice the situation's gravity. New fights will surely break out externally between the clans as well as internally. Will you fight? Will you conquer? Will you defend? Will you make peace?

 

No clan is -> There aren't any races

any -> (you don't need the word any there.)

a larger -> larger in

and are coming more frequently -> and frequency

clans -> races

 

 

That's all I can find smile.gif

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Wow! Its totally fine that you fell asleep, I understand. No need to feel bad. smile.gif Thank you for that HUGE heap of feedback! Took like ten minutes to find all the problems haha. xd.png

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Yay! Is it ready to start do you think? Like to be approved?

Edited by athania

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Username:9pmg5665 call me 9.

Character name: Connor

Age: 23

Gender:Male

Appearance: Blonde with red shorts made for running with deep blue eyes for Nice, red for Anger, and green for Shy.

History: His first time actually experiencing war was when he wanted to. He pretty much just walked up to the battle field, pulled up a lawn chair and ate some popcorn. He always wanted to help the side of his own race and has his own "robot" mount.

Personality: Nice, Anger, and Shy are his three different personalities. Though he does always craft things, mainly clockwork and steam punk.

Race: Human.

 

Name: "Punter"

Rider:Connor

Gender: It

Age: 4

Appearance: About 7 feet tall, 5 feet in length, 3 feet in width. It is very shiny metallic and has four seats. It has two rotatable cannons. It has four legs so its mainly a quad walked. Inside of it are three rows. The back one has two tanks. One is for water tanks and the other one is used for holding steam. Other then that, the seats are leather.

 

Sorry for the offyness from the story but I want this. smile.gif

Race: Clock punk.

Edited by 9pmg5665

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Hmm. I will have to ask Bris if we should let people make their own mounts different from what we listed. I suppose we could add 'machine' to the list. I'll get back to you on that.

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Okay. Thanks. I also read the first page so how about my character is the antagonist? I did say that he liked the battles so?

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There are actually a few mistakes that I see now...

 

His first time actually experiencing war was when he wanted to too.

to too?

 

He always wanted to help them

Help who?

 

It does have a more or less steering wheel.

 

More or less? Please explain for me, I don't get it...

 

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Note: I think we should make a kind of machine humans use as transportation. How about mechanical Oocalas named......Nanostriders?

Edited by athania

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Um ya was gonna post that but there was flood control and I forgot...

I think that Lief (my character) and your character can be antagonists together biggrin.gif

Thanks for the fix, I approve you.

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Hey 9, your character can use your mount you made but only if hes a genius with mechanics....otherwise he needs a Nanostrider.

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All right then, maybe a few more people and then we start! I'm excited biggrin.gif

 

Actually, do you two want to start now, because nobody is interested sad.gif

Edited by ubbydubby

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((Well, I was kinda hoping to have at least 5 players first :/ and preferably a character in each type so we could see whats going on in each race... You know, we should just start. Okay, here goes nothing.))

 

 

Sweat started pouring down Akari's face. She was sprinting down a hallway that seemed to go on forever, and it had a green light flashing at the end. She didn't know what was there, but she just had to know. The light grew larger and larger and the got to a large door. She grabbed the old handle that was in the shape of a dragon and twisted it. The door started to creak open...

 

Akari woke up, startled. That same dream had been haunting her for ages, and it always ended at the same spot. She threw off the covers of her bed and tore open her royal purple curtains. She looked out and saw a stunning navy blue sky along with a full moon. It was still around one o'clock in the morning.

 

She looked down at her family's small pasture down at a small hut. She opened her window and heard absolute silence. Her trusty Nagiri steed Ejenra was still sound asleep. A bone-chilling breeze swept into her room, and Akari shut her window, shivering. Then a black flash swept past her room. A pagire. Pagire often hunt at night and sweep around the houses of her village looking for cattle and other livestock.

 

Akari laid back on her bed and gazed at the ceiling. It had a painting on it that was a Nagiri surrounded by thorn covered brambles inside a circle. It was the symbol of her family, and her village as her father was chieftain. She covered herself with the covers once again, curled in a ball, and went back to sleep.

Edited by athania

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Connor had a long time on his mount. His personalities were arguing with each other mainly because of the mission they were on. " Why did you accept the mission? It was the right thing to do. The village does need supplies and we can;t really on other races right now. Guys stop. We can't keep arguing or Punter might stomp on villages." The voices stopped and continued. The anger started again in thoughts. " We've been awake for day, can't we stop? No. Without us, there would be no driver." Then the body saw another village with a single Pagire. The body left the tank and neared the village. They got to some gates and looked for an inn or a welcoming family. They saw a rather rich looking village hut and knocked on the door. They hoped some one would help him even though it was 1 AM.

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Akari woke up again from the same dream. Someone was knocking on the door. "Thats odd...When I looked out the window all the houses were dark." She slid out of bed and grabbed her sword. She hated using it, but if whatever was outside was hostile, she would need to defend herself. She crept silently down the hall and out back. She set Ejenra loose and crept around the side yard to see who was at the door. It was a human. A human! Akari had never seen one before and had no idea if they were hostile like her father said.

 

She studied him and saw his eyes kept changing colors from green, to blue, to red. "How strange!" she exclaimed under her breath. She thought he didn't look so bad, you know, except for that huge weapon he seemed to have left outside the village, which she could only see due to her exceptional eyesight. Akari wondered if he had any weapons on him. She crept further into the front yard and stayed low to the ground, like a shadow, barely able to be seen.

 

Akari drew her sword and mustered as much courage as she could. She leaped at the human male and drew her sword to his neck. She pretended to be brave and growled, "What are you doing here and why are you disturbing our village?"

Edited by athania

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((Finally we can start.))

 

Kaeti yawned, stretching in her bed. Next to her bed, her sparrow, Lasheik's, cage was covered with a cloth, and small rustling noises were emitting from it. Suddenly a loud chirrup came from the cage and Kaeti started. "All right, just a sec," she yawned as she threw back the covers. She lifted the cover off the cage and watched her little brown and white sparrow chirrup away. Cornick neighed in the barn next to her house, and Kaeti's dog, General, stretched and came up to lick her into feeding him. "All right, all right," she laughed as General nudged her with his wet nose, "Breakfast coming up in a minute!" She unlocked Lasheik's cage and trundled off toward the kitchen, weighed down by the weight of a large dog and a small sparrow. Kaeti was walking down the hall when a loud knocking on her door interrupted her. "Coming," she called. "Wait just a minute." She raced General toward the door, the little sparrow flitting behind her. She grabbed the handle of the big oak door, and opened the door. "Hi," she said, as she surveyed the man standing before her. He pushed his hair back, revealing pointed ears and cat-like grace. "Um... Can I help you with anything?"

The elf inclined his head formally, "Actually, yes. Can you tell me where the nearest village is where I could stable my horse?" He gestured vaguely behind him, and Kaeti craned her neck to see a tall, proud black horse."Yes, she said, if you want you can board him here for a day, I have an extra stall."

The tall stranger nodded, and responded, "Thank you for your hospitality. My name if Lief, and the horse is Ionocrest. We will leave the next day, so as not to intrude on your privacy."

"No, its okay, stay as long as you need," she responded, "Make yourself at home."

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