Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) Story A long, long time ago, there were no Clans. There were cats in the forest, but they formed countless tightly knit groups consisting of close friends and family. The many cliques squabbled over food and shelter, and many cats died at the paws of another. One day, a meeting was held in a clearing, which was watched by the heavy, full moon. It was meant to be a peaceful meeting; one in which the cats would come upon an agreement about food and territory. But, tension crackled like lightning. Claws flashed, jaws gaped in yowls, ears flattened and tails lashed. Finally, the cats could take no more. They leaped at each other, fueled by frustration. The battle waged long and hard. Cats dropped to the ground like raindrops in a summer storm. Blood ran to the creeks nearby and tainted them crimson. Finally, the battle was over. However, the cats who survived were so exhausted that they fell asleep on the battlefield. When they woke up, they were met by a powerful blast of light. After blinking to adjust their eyes, they saw their fallen kin and friends. They were no longer bloody and scarred, but were in such a valiant state that it made the injured cats stare in amazement. Their heads high and their tails straight up in the air, they said what things are to come if they continued being the way they are. Kits would die, and death would always be stalking them. And so the cats decided to gather together under the four chosen leaders: Thunder, Shadow, Wind, and River. The four original Clans were formed, the first leaders received their lives, and they lived happily ever after. Or did they? After the final battle between the Clans and the Dark Forest, the living cats lost faith in StarClan and feared the Dark Forest more than ever. The Clans, or what remained of them, fled the lake territories in a panic, hoping to leave both StarClan and the Dark Forest behind. In their haste, they found themselves circling the mountains for the longest time. In fact, they wandered for so long that they almost decided to stay in the mountains. However, the Clans made one last feeble attempt at finding prey filled land. It was at night that the ragged, skinny lumps of fur came upon the new territory. Like always, it had land for ThunderClan, ShadowClan, WindClan, and RiverClan. The Clans settled down and dubbed the land "the valley". The Clans thought that they wouldn't have to worry about the Dark Forest any longer. Even though the Dark Forest was not there for moons of the Clans' new life, they were soon to arrive and torture the Clans even more. Thus, the Clans began their new life... Plot The Clans have begun their new life in the valley. The Dark Forest, along with StarClan, have arrived, though the living cats are not aware of it. However, it will not be long until the Clans find out that the living are not the only ones inhabiting the forest... Meanwhile, the Dark Forest has their plans of starting their evil plot all over again by training the Clan cats once more, and StarClan has an important prophecy to give: "Four will come from four to come against the darkness once more..." Who will be the four? What kind of darkness will fall on the Clans once more? Will you be trained by the Dark Forest, or will you be one of the prophecy? Or maybe you will be a normal cat, just fulfilling Clan duties..? It is your choice... About the Valley The valley provides territories for all Clans: ThunderClan: These cats made a camp in a lush green forest. However, when leaf-bare comes, it leaves the ThunderClan cats vulnerable to birds of prey because of the loss of their canopy of leaves. There are also shallow creeks running in the territory. ThunderClan prey on mice, birds, voles, and the occasional pheasant. ShadowClan: Like always, ShadowClan takes cover under thick pine trees. There are many creeks in ShadowClan territory, even more than ThunderClan. These cats hunt mice and birds, and sometimes even lizards, snakes, and frogs. WindClan: WindClan lives on a grassland. Sadly, they could not find the beautiful moor they were used to, but they still run as fast as ever. WindClan hunts mice, rabbits, and birds. RiverClan: These cats live near a river. Ponds dot their territory, which vary in depth. Because of this, it is unwise to let very young cats go out by themselves. RiverClan eat several types of small fish, voles, birds, and the occasional rabbit. Neutral Territory: This territory is not owned by any of the Clans. This serves as both the Gathering place and a place to connect with StarClan. However, since every medicine cat has tried to get in contact with StarClan and failed, this mostly serves as a Gathering site. It is in a clearing with a wide, beautiful pond that reflects the full moon, and a fallen branch in the water where the leaders sit. The Warrior Code 1. Defend your Clan, even with your life. You may have friendships with cats from other Clans, but your loyalty must remain to your Clan, as one day you may meet them in battle. 2. Do not hunt or trespass on another Clan's territory. 3. Elders, Queens, and kits must be fed before apprentices and warriors. Unless they have permission, apprentices may not eat until they have hunted to feed the elders. If any warrior or apprentice is sick or injured, they may eat while the elders, queens, and kits are eating. 4. Prey is killed only to be eaten. Give thanks to StarClan for its life. 5. A kit must be at least six moons old to become an apprentice. 6. Newly appointed warriors will keep a silent vigil for one night after receiving their warrior name. 7. A cat cannot be made deputy without having mentored at least one apprentice. 8. The deputy will become Clan leader when the leader dies or retires. 9. After the death or retirement of the deputy, the new deputy must be chosen before moonhigh. 10. A Gathering of all four Clans is held at the full moon during a truce that lasts for the night. There shall be no fighting among Clans at this time. 11. Boundaries must be checked and marked daily. Challenge all trespassing cats. 12. No warrior can neglect a kit in pain or danger, even if the kit is from a different Clan. 13. The word of the Clan leader is the warrior code. 14. An honorable warrior does not need to kill other cats to win his/her battles, unless they are outside the warrior code or if it is necessary for self-defense. 15. A warrior rejects the soft life of a kittypet. Medicine Cat Herbs http://warriors.wikia.com/wiki/Medicine Rules No spamming, flaming, god-modding, etc. Your characters cannot be perfect. Keep it PG-13. No chat-speak. Please use realistic names (Redfur, Wolfheart, Mudclaw, Rippleclaw), which means no Dragonheart, Vampireclaw, Soulkit, Spiritheart, etc. You can have three important positions at the same time. In the password section of your form, put in "I have read the rules". If you want to be part of the prophecy, or the "Four", please put that in the "Other" section of your form. There can only be one cat per Clan that is involved in the prophecy. It is preferred that you have the cats of the prophecy as apprentices so we can work out their personality. If you want to reserve a spot before the RP is accepted, please PM me. Do not post you want a position here less you want to be ignored. This will be a semi-lit to lit RP. This means you must post a paragraph of six sentences for each character. You must fill out ALL sections of the form (not counting "other"). Form Username: Name: Age: Gender: Clan: Position: Appearance: Personality: History: Other: Password: Clans ThunderClan Leader: Lionstar (TMD) Deputy: Hazelstreak (LRS) Medicine Cat: Medicine Cat Apprentice: Warriors: Ravenfrost (Vanile) Apprentices: Emberpaw (TMD) Quietpaw (Kokay) Silverpaw (LRS) Queens: Kits: Elders: ShadowClan: Leader: Deputy: Medicine Cat: Leafpath (TMD) Medicine Cat Apprentice: Boulderpaw (LRS) Warriors: Apprentices: Pepperpaw (Backup) Queens: Kits: Elders: WindClan: Leader: Deputy: Breezeflight (TMD) Medicine Cat: Medicine Cat Apprentice: (reserved by Hollyleaf) Warriors: Apprentices: Hazelpaw (Stun mentor-Breezeflight) Queens: Kits: Elders: RiverClan Leader: Lightningstar (Stun) Deputy: Jayflight (Holly) Medicine Cat: Medicine Cat Apprentice: Moonpaw (Vanile) Warriors: Streampelt (DP) Apprentices: Queens: Oakpaw (LRS, mentor Lightningstar) Bluepaw (Stun, mentor Streampelt) Kits: Elders: Rogues, Loners, and Kittypets Eagle (Kokay) Mint (Stun) Shadow (DP) Edited January 20, 2012 by TwilightMoonDragon Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2012 (edited) "The Four" Emberpaw (ThunderClan, played by TMD) Oakpaw (RiverClan, played by LRS) Pepperpaw (ShadowClan, played by Backup) Hazelpaw (WindClan, played by Stunning) Characters: ThunderClan Username: TMD Name: Lionstar Age: 25 moons Gender: Tom Clan: ThunderClan Position: Leader Appearance: http://earthclanwarriorsoftheforest.webs.com/Lion%20Cat.jpg Personality: Lionstar is a strong and humble tom cat. He is always fair when he gives out punishments, though he might seem harsh. His voice is always at a comforting rumble, and he seldom raises his voice to yell or argue. He prefers to stay by himself, which means that he will rarely pick on anyone to go on patrol with him. His favorite place to patrol is the RiverClan border. He thinks that the calm, collective water relives his nerves. History: Lionstar used to have two brothers. One was Scorchpath, a burnt brown tom cat, and Leafpath, a tortiseshell she cat. Scorchpath died of blackcough- a disease very deadly and newly discovered by medicine cats. Leafpath left the Clan to pursue her dreams of being a medicine cat in ShadowClan. Other: Password: Username: LRS Name: Hazelstreak Age: 19 Gender: female Clan: Thunder Position: Deputy Appearance: http://www.sobi.org/photos/Cat/Mottle/OciCatB_004.jpg Personality: Hazelstreak is a loyal she-cat. She wouldn't break the warrior code to save her life. Although loyal, she is quick to anger and annoy. Hazelstreak isn't the sweetest cat around, and most think of her has having a loud, strong personality. History: Normal... other than the parts i will make up later Other: She should be a mentor... Password: Username: VanileFF13 Name: Ravenfrost Age: 14 Moons Gender: She-Cat Clan: ThunderClan Position: Warrior Appearance: Ravenfrost is a sleek raven furred she-cat with a white tipped tail and white painted paws. Her eyes are a sparkling amber. Personality: Ravenfrost is a speedy she-cat; she loves to put her speed to good uses by hunting prey. She may be quick, but not the best fighter. History: Ravenfrost was born into ThunderClan with pure blood. Her father died before her birth, and her mother died from greencough shortly after her warrior ceremony. She mourned grievously over her mother's death, but came over it, as she knew her mother wished for her to be the best warrior she could be. Other: -- Password: Username: TMD Name: Emberpaw Age: 7 moons Gender: She Cat Clan: ThunderClan Position: Apprentice Appearance: http://sunclanwarriorsunite.webs.com/grasspelt.jpg Personality: Sassy, sharp tongued Emberpaw is no little cat to be reckoned with. Her temper is fiercer than her bite, though. Her blue eyes show that she is made for ThunderClan, and she voices constantly that she wouldn't let any cat mess with beautiful, perfect ThunderClan. History: Emberpaw's father is Lionstar, and she doesn't know who her mother was. Lionstar says she passed away in a fire. However, what Emberpaw doesn't know is that she was chosen to be one of the Four in ThunderClan. Emberpaw loves StarClan, but doesn't know about the Dark Forest. In fact, she is being trained by the Dark Forest at the moment so she could learn how to better serve her Clan. Other: Emberpaw is one of the Four; she can walk in other cats' dreams, but she thinks this is normal. Password: Username: LRS Name: Silverpaw (Silverpool) Age: 10 moons Gender: She-cat Clan: Thunder Position: Apprentice Appearance: http://www.bengalspot.com/thanks/silveronplate.jpg History: Silverpaw had always been the prankster. A born leader of evil her mother jokingly called her. She was always leading everyone into trouble, but she was smart, that was the problem. Just recently has Silverpaw decided to give up her trickster ways, but can she? Thats a question only StarClan knows the answer to. Other: Password: Username: Kokay Name: Quietpaw Age: 7 moons Gender: Male Clan: ThunderClan Position: Apprentice Appearance: Quietpaw Personality: Quietpaw truly lives up to his name. He doesn't talk much and he doesn't seem to mind that others look down on him. He would much rather think than talk and he expresses this often. Quietpaw isn't the stereotypical Warrior, in fact far from it. He is slow to anger, small in stature, and closed mouthed. History: Quietpaw's mother was an elderly rogue who joined the Clan in her old age. When she gave birth to him, she was weak. He was the only kit who survived, but it was thought that he hadn't due to his silence. As a kit, he obeyed everything he was told to do, and he is now considered the model apprentice. Other: Password: ShadowClan Username: TMD Name: Leafpath Age: 25 moons Gender: She Cat Clan: ShadowClan Position: Medicine Cat Appearance: http://s3.amazonaws.com/picable/2007/07/05...-Bushes_620.jpg Personality: Though being born a ThunderClan cat and facing harsh discrimination from the ShadowClan warriors, most of the Clan have to say they love Leafpath. She is gentle and kind, and like her brother would hardly raise her voice. Though it seemed that the ShadowClan thing about constantly getting into fights- she loves unsheathing her claws to rake then down a WindClan warriors' flank sometimes. History: Leafpath was a happy apprentice. She loved her two brothers Lionpaw and Scorchpaw, but there was one problem. She wanted to be a medicine cat. The medicine cat positions were filled in ThunderClan. However, she truly knew that being a medicine cat was her destiny. So the young she cat left ThunderClan, and started to train as a medicine cat under the elderly Creekheart. Soon the old tom passed away, and she took her place as full medicine cat. Other: Password: Username: LRS Name: Boulderpaw (Boulderfur) Age: 8 moons Gender: Tom Clan: Shadow Position: Med. Apprentice Appearance: http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3337/3328000...24b20a507_z.jpg History: Boulderpaw had been a normal upbeat kit until he and his young sister, Lilykit, decided they could climb a tree, just like the grown warriors. After theh snuck out he and Lilykit picked a fairly high tree and started to climb. It all went perfectly- at first. Until they got to high and under their weight, the branch broke. He had been injured in his right leg, but his sister died from the fall. He never forgave himself for her death, making him the serious, grumpy cat he is today. He soon found he could never be a warrior and became a medicine cat soon after. Other: Can i reincarnate his sister later? If not she sometimes visits him in dreams. Password: Username: Backup77 Name: Pepperpaw Age: 7 Moons Gender: Female Clan: ShadowClan Position: Apprentice Appearance: Pepperpaw is a brown and black mackerel tabby, meaning she is brown and covered in thin black stripes. Her chest, chin, paws, and the tip of her tail are white, and her underbelly brown with a small bit of white at the very front. There is a small spot of light brown on her muzzle, and her eyes are a bright green. Her tail has slightly thicker fur at the end of it, like a lion's tail, though much smaller. She is rather large, but not bulky. On the contrary, she is rather slim and fast, although not nearly as slim and fast as a WindClan cat. She has average fighting skills, and adapts her style depending on the cat she is facing, although she prefers the 'leap around your opponent, try to wear them done or pull their feet out from under them' strategy. Personality: Pepperpaw is cunning. She will always find a way to get what she wants, as long as it is physically possible. She is more patient then the average apprentice, and will wait for hours or even days for the right moment to unleash a plan, although she hates sitting still do nothing. She would rather be moving and observing, always learning stuff, or hunting. That's not to say she doesn't like sitting around and watching other cats. She loves spying. She just hates watching the sun go down, waiting for something to happen. She is noramlly loyal to ShadowClan, and would join StarClan to save them, but if ShadowClan got corrupted, she would leave without a second thought. She is against doing stuff she considers 'wrong', like trying to steal territory, killing in cold blood, etc., although there are somethings that she doesn't consider 'wrong' that other cats might, like spying. She'll do whatever is best for herself, her Clan, and the forest in general. When speaking to other cats, she is bold when asking questions. She loves asking questions, especially asking important cats or cats from other Clans questions, because if they lie, she knows and can continue to press for an answer, and sometimes she can figure out what they're thinking even if they try to dance around a question. She never knows when to quit, and someday she could easily get in trouble for sticking her nose in other cats' business (like murder trouble...), but she can't help it. She likes to know things, and just can't help sticking her noise where she knows she isn't supposed to. History: For the most part, she's had a fairly normal history. The only points of interest are that her mother died of greencough, and when she first became an apprentice the Dark Forest tried to recruit her. She said no, because she could sense that they didn't just want to train her to better serve her Clan. First of all, she is unnaturally good with other cats. It is easy for her to see their motives, and she knows how to use these motives to her advantage. For this reason, she can be very persuasive. It is also easy for her to plan and identify strategies, because she usually has a good idea of what cats would do in whatever situation they're in, as long as it is a large group of cats, or she has talked to them and knows their personality. She can also read expressions and tone of voice accurately, accurately enough to almost tell what they're thinking. Of course, she can't really tell what they're thinking, just a vague idea. For example, if the cat that she is talking to was thinking, Ha! ShadowClan will never know when WindClan is attacking she might think that the cat was thinking 'Ha!...enemy Clan... never know... fighting! Yay!', so what she thinks the cat is thinking could be different from what he is really thinking, although it is possible for her to read an expression with dead-on accuracy. It is also much easier for her to tell what younger cats are thinking, because they tend to hide their expressions better than older cats. She can accurately read the expression of a cat of any age, it just depends on how much they are trying to hide their expression. She can always tell when someone is lying, because there are many different ways to show that you're lying, and it is impossible to hid all of them. It might be the tone of a cats voice, a flick of their tail, a twitch of an eye, etc. that tells Pepperpaw that the cat is lying. Of course, she knows nothing about this being a power, and thinks it is normal. Password: WindClan Username: TMD Name: Breezeflight Age: 13 moons Gender: Tom Clan: WindClan Position: Deputy Appearance: http://www.freewebs.com/moonriverspeckleheart/yarrowpaw.jpg Personality: Ambitious, sly, cunning... Young Breezeflight should of been in ShadowClan instead of WindClan. He has all of the traits of the legendary Tigerstar... Including bloodlust. Though between him and the Clan, he gets along just fine, though some might be thinking what in StarClan was wrong with WindClan to choose such a young deputy. That is another story... History: Breezeflight was born to Flightstar, a slender gray tom, and Silverheart, a beautiful silver she cat. Flightstar told his deputy before he died that to chose his son as deputy no matter what. So Flightstar died, and the deputy went up to being leader, just in time when Breezeflight became a warrior. The leader forced an apprentice on him immediately, and took the confused Breezeflight as a deputy. Other: Is training in the Dark Forest. Password: Username: Stunningfire Name: Hazelpaw (Hazelcloud) Age: 7 moons Gender: Female Clan: WindClan Position: Apprentice Appearance: Cream-colored tabby with pale green eyes Personality: Hazelpaw is shy and thoughtful. She will never jump into something without thinking it over first, and would rather solve a conflict by discussing it rather than fighting. She is very loyal to the warrior code and is horrified by the idea of the Dark Forest, putting all hope in StarClan. History: normal history~ Other: one of the Four. Password: I have read the rules RiverClan Username: Stun Name: Lightningstar (warrior name Lightningstreak) Age: 35 moons (on her second life) Gender: F Clan: RiverClan Position: Leader Appearance: Lightningstar is a slim, jet-black she-cat. She has small, rounded ears and a jagged streak of white fur across her left flank, thus the name 'Lightningstar'. Her ears are a piercing green and her paws and the tip of her tail are white. Personality+History (I just kinda combined the two xP): Lightningstar is an independent cat. She was the only kit of her litter and was also the only apprentice of her time. Being neglected by her parents and pretty much every cat in general, she decided to dedicate her life to StarClan, the Code, and her Clan. Therefore, all her decisions are made practically and according to the code. She refuses to have a mate because she fears that it will distract her from her duty to serve the Clan. Lightningstar was asked to join the Dark Forest when she was an apprentice, but she refused, horrified at the idea. Deciding not to tell her Clan in case she alarmed them, Lightningstar did her best to become deputy, then leader, thinking she could lead her Clan to safety. Even after she lost faith in StarClan, the leader still does her best for her Clan and upholds the Code. Other: Password: Username: Hollyleaf Name: Jayflight Age: 23 moons Gender: Male Clan: RiverClan Position: Deputy Appearance: Very dark blue-gray pelt with eyes the colour of jay's feathers, hence his name. Has a series of clawmarks on his flank, scars of battles from his early apprentice days. Broad-shouldered and of strong stance. Personality: Fair and just, he helps Lightningstar keep their Clan in order. Jayflight is a very organized when on task and smart. He is also kind and treats his Clanmates equally. A good fighter, but despite his training, he gets distracted easily. Slow to anger, he always thinks before he opens his mouth. The shriek of a moorhen while he fishes tends to make him lose his focus. History: Born in a litter of three, Jayflight's siblings, Reedkit and Mudkit, did not survive to become apprentices. Reedkit drowned in a horrible accident that left Mudkit with a broken leg when they were exploring ponds near the camp. Mudkit fell off a small cliff and landed awkwardly on the pebbly beach, but Reedkit tripped on landing and thus landed in the water. Otherwise, Jayflight grew up like any other kit, as he had stayed in camp while his brothers ventured out. When he became an apprentice, he temporarily trained in the Dark Forest before he found out the cats therein were evil. From then on, Jayflight swore to follow StarClan. He became a warrior in good time and then deputy, the position in which he has now. Other: Username: VanilleFF13 Name: Moonpaw Age: 10 Moons Gender: She-Cat Clan: RiverClan Position: Medicine Cat Apprentice Appearance: Moonpaw is a silver furred she-cat with a white speckled muzzle. She has snowy white paws and an ice white tipped tail, and crystal blue eyes. Personality: Moonpaw loves to swim in the rivers of RiverClan territory, but isn't the best hunter. She prefers to hunt for herbs instead of fish. History: Moonpaw was born into RiverClan, although kin before her have a past of taking a mate from another clan. When she was born, she was taunted by this, and some cats refused to trust her. Taking an interest in the ways of a medicine cat, she went to prove her loyalty by becoming medicine cat apprentice. Other: -- Password: Username: DP Name: Streampelt Gender: female Age: 15 moons Clan: RiverClan Position: warrior Appearance: She has black fur that has blue streaks in it; when she walks, the blue part of her fur looks like a rushing stream. Personality: shy, kind, short-tempered, sweet, likes to keep to herself sometimes, and caring. History: n/a Other: would like to have a mate Username: LRS Name: Oakpaw (Oakheart ((have I heard this name before?))) Age: 8 moons Gender: Tom Clan: River Position: Apprentice Appearance: http://www.bengalcat.net/images/Leo%20Bengal.jpg History: Oakpaw is a born warrior, from the start he showed great intrest and responsibility. He's a strong, rather funloving cat. He loves making the she-cats laugh (Playa! ). But, he prefers to follow his gut, not the code. Other: One of the Four, having heightened senses. Password: Username: Stun Name: Bluepaw (Bluefrost) Age: 7 moons Gender: Female Clan: RiverClan Position: Apprentice Appearance: Dark grey-blue with pale blue eyes. The tip of her tail is white and her left forepaw is white as well. Personality: Bluepaw is shy and very gullible. She is quick to believe anything any cat says and often doesn't think for herself very much. She tries to do her best and is very good at catching fish but isn't able to be relied upon during battle. Bluepaw is extremely friendly to any cat she meets and is known in her Clan for being very kind. History: Regular ;-; Other: Being trained in the Dark Forest; she doesn't know what the Forest cats are planning, as they only told her they were there to help her improve her battle skills. She also has a crush on Oakpaw <3 Password: Rogues, Kittypets, and Loners Username: Kokay Name: Eagle Age: Unknown Gender: Male Clan: The Clan Position: Leader Appearance: Eagle Personality: Unknown History: Unknown Other: Password: I read them rules Username: DP Name: Shadow Gender: female Age: 20 moons Clan: rogue/loner Position: rogue/loner Appearance: Her fur is completely pitch black in color like the night sky and her eyes are an emerald green color. Personality: a bit cruel, mysterious, and short-tempered but can be kinder when she wants to be. History: Shadow's mom had been a clan cat before she became a rogue and had been a warrior that had learned about herbs from the medicine cat when she was an apprentice. She met another rogue and lived with him for a time, getting pregnant with Shadow and then giving birth to her a few moons later. When she was a bit older, her mom taught her what she needed to know about herbs and fighting moves before she had died of greencough. Sometime after that, she had met Mint and became fast friends with him. All she can think about at times is him when she's not near him and hunting for the two of them. She trusts Mint and has never even thought about joining the clans since she likes to be on her own with just one other cat instead of in a whole group of them. Other: has a small crush on Mint. Username: Stun Name: Mint Age: 20 moons Gender: Male Clan: Rogue/loner Position: Rogue/loner Appearance: Mint Personality: Mint is a thinker. He hardly jumps into action without thinking it over first. Mint is currently at peace with the Clans, knowing that he can't outfight so many cats. He stays off their land, they don't bother him. Mint scoffs as their beliefs in this "StarClan" and "Dark Forest" - frankly, it kind of scares him to think of so many dead cats watching over him. History: Mint's parents abandoned him when he was just a kit. He's had to learn how to hunt by himself, hiding in the little patch of woods where he was kitted. A few moons later he met Shadow, another rogue (played by DP). The two grew up together and became dependent on each other, becoming best friends. He decided not to join the Clans because he feared he wouldn't be accepted without his belief in StarClan/the Dark Forest and his refusal to trust anyone besides Shadow. Other: Password: Edited January 20, 2012 by TwilightMoonDragon Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2012 (edited) Just wanted to let you know there is already a Warrior cat RP with the same exact same name. :3 Edited January 11, 2012 by Moonbeam22 Share this post Link to post
Posted January 11, 2012 Could you put a little more in the setting? Like... where is the new Gathering Place? Where is the new place where medicine cats and leaders go to share tongues with StarClan? Which Clans are adjacent to each other? What features does the land have in each territory(tree types, water bodies, rock formations, hills, etc.)? Share this post Link to post
Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) Hey there darlin'! My name is LoveLost but most call me either LL, Lovey or Lost. I'm an approver and I'll be looking over your RP First off, I want to say congrats! I ran this through Word and couldn't find a single misspelling upon a cursory glance. You seem to have everything that is required except for some grammatical and tense errors. Besides that, are you wanting to have the RP be for people that have read the Warrior's series or played in an RP like that before? If not, you may want to include a bit more such as the Warrior's Code, a list of Medicine Cat herbs, as well as the construction of names (some may not know how to do that). So that you know how I work, I will take a section at a time and go through it to look for mistakes. Once they are found, I quote them and bold the mistakes and either type out a correction, or suggest a re-wording. EDIT: Before I post anything, I have a distinct feeling that I approved an RP really like this one. Did you look through the RP's to see if there was one that had the same plot? Duplicate RP's whether or not you intended to are not allowed. EDIT 2: Found it. http://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?showtopic=125018 This is the RP that yours is like. It's pretty much the same plot...however...hmmm, lets go ahead and start working on it and see if there are more changes that can be made.... Story Make this bold or larger so that it is separated from the rest of the text. A long, long time ago, there were no Clans. There were cats in the forest, but they formed countless tightly knitted groups consisting of close friends and family. The many clichés squabbled over food and shelter, and many cats died at the paws of another. In the books, is the word Clans capitalized? If not, then you don't need to capitalize it. Knitted is a word, and it is past tense, but that is the action of knitting not the word that you are looking for, which is knit. (tightly knit groups) Clichés are phrases, plot lines ect. that are used over and over again. I think that you are looking for the word cliques. Though, tension crackled like lightning. Instead of 'though' try using the word 'but'. They leapt at each other, fueled by frustration. leapt -> leaped And so the cats decided to gather together under the four chosen leaders, Thunder, Shadow, Wind, and River. Instead of a comma, use a semi-colon. Edited January 13, 2012 by LoveLost Share this post Link to post
Posted January 13, 2012 No... This actually was based of a fanfic I was writing... I'll post the warrior code and medicine cat herbs. ^^ Share this post Link to post
Posted January 13, 2012 Sorry about the mixup, I edited my post to include the editing of a section of the text. Please either post here or PM me when you finish corrections Share this post Link to post
Posted January 13, 2012 I know I have no right, but I am intense about grammar, and I cannot leave this unsaid. LoveLost, in your correction of Twilight "Instead of a comma, use a semi-colon," a semi-colon would make no sense there. You either need a colon or leave it as is. Regards (don't hurt me) ~Billobob Share this post Link to post
Posted January 13, 2012 ASH (TREE) New shoots are to be eaten, and chewed and applied to the bit of an Adder or Viper to stave off the effects of its poisoned bite. Keys (seeds) of the Ash tree may also be consumed to fight the pain caused by a stitch in the side. I don't think adder or viper should be capitalized. CATNIP Leaves and Flowers can be used to relive congestion and coughs. Flowers shouldn't be capitalized. The cats also call it Catmint instead of Catnip. It also looks like you're missing of the herbs. It might be better if you just post a link to the wiki page. It'll make the RP look cleaner and it'll be less work. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 13, 2012 Okay, I'll clean it up and post a link~ Is that all? Share this post Link to post
Posted January 15, 2012 The Dark Forest, along with StarClan, have arrived, though the living cats are not aware of it. However, it will not be long until the Clans find out that the living are not the only ones inhabiting the forest... The comma isn't needed between arrived and though. And what do you mean by the Clans finding out that the living are not the only ones in the forest? Meanwhile, the Dark Forest has their plans of starting their evil plot all over again by training the Clan cats once more, and StarClan have an important prophecy to give: Training the cats? Does this involve capturing them or do you mean torturing? Also, 'have' needs to be 'has'. ThunderClan: These cats made a camp in a lush green forest. However, when leaf-bare comes, it leaves the ThunderClan cats vulnerable to birds of prey because of the lost canopy of leaves. ThunderClan prey on mice, birds, voles, and the occasional pheasant. lost -> loss of their ShadowClan: Like always, ShadowClan takes cover under thick pine trees. There are many creeks in ShadowClan territory, even more than ThunderClan. These cats hunt mice and birds, and sometimes even lizards, snakes, and frogs. You don't mention any creeks in the ThunderClan description. That's going to be important. You can have three important postitions at the same time. positions Share this post Link to post
Posted January 15, 2012 Done~ And what do you mean by the Clans finding out that the living are not the only ones in the forest? This means that they have to find out that the Dark Forest and StarClan have arrived in the territory. Training the cats? Does this involve capturing them or do you mean torturing? The Dark Forest just trains the cats to fight. ^^ Share this post Link to post
Posted January 16, 2012 Though, even though the Dark Forest was not there for moons of the Clans' new life, they were soon to arrive and torture the Clans even more. That sentence is just awkward. Take out the though at the beginning~ Share this post Link to post
Posted January 16, 2012 Meanwhile, the Dark Forest has their plans of starting their evil plot all over again by training the Clan cats once more, and StarClan have an important prophecy to give: This one wasn't corrected. Have needs to be 'has'. It looks as though the last two positions for the Four have been taken. You may want to remove the rules about the four for now, but you don't have to. However, one thing that you do need to edit is this part of the rule: There are currently two slots left. It needs to be removed. That looks to be it actually once you get those corrected. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 17, 2012 Alrighty then, I looked through it once more and it seems that things are in order. I declare this RP, Please make sure and ask a mod to clear the thread so that you can start afresh Share this post Link to post
Posted January 17, 2012 [Yay! TMD you /did/ receive the character form I sent you right ] Share this post Link to post
Posted January 17, 2012 ((Yeah, Stun. ^^ I'll put that up when I'm on a proper comp. ^^)) Share this post Link to post
.gif)
Recommended Posts