Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) History Wonderland: a world where only children can go. It all began a few months ago, back in January as children slipped into a dream state only to wake hours later, traumatized and speaking only of what they have seen. They speak of a world, ripe with animals and plants of many kinds. Some call it a paradise, others a living hell. Many people have taken to calling this new land "Wonderland", even if they could not go there themselves. Plot You are a normal child, living in whichever country you come from. Until you begin to feel sick. Your head begins to spin. This goes on for a day or two, until you collapse. You enter the dream state. Wonderland. Whether you find this world a living hell, or a peaceful heaven is up to you. However you find it, you must survive. To die there would be to die on Earth. Once you enter Wonderland the first time, there is no going back to Earth to live a normaly life. You must keep on coming here. However, whenever you come back to Earth, you're not the same. You seem to be less on Earth, more "Away with the fairies". The more time you spend in Wonderland, the less human you will become. Scientists will want to study you, to find a way to stop you from going to Wonderland, but to stop you going there would be like to stop you living at all. Over the last few days, the children who have been visiting there longer, the ones who are spending week-long visits there, have been noticing disturbances. Flocks of cokasparrows taking off when nothing is there to scare them. Predators have run away, scared, in the middle of hunts. Whatever is happening, it's not good. Animals don't act this way for no reason. During the night, colourful lights have been flashing in the sky. Animals have been found dead, their bodies hard to make out. The children must find out what this is, or they will be the next victim. Prowling the forests, by night and day, is the creature, Wonderland's biggest defense. This mass of teeth, claws, and weapons has a hunger to kill. This... thing has been sent out to destroy this place. Wonderland's last move is to destroy itself and anything else with it. Wonderland has decided, it would be better to have nothing live on it if humnans come. For the havoc they have brought upong their own world. The destruction they have caused. This monster will turn the vast forests into the wastelands where it will roam, killing everyone and everything it can find. Setting Earth and Wonderland. The year is 2015. On Earth, it is November. In Wonderland... Well, that is for you to find. Wonderland Wonderland is a big island, most of it covered in jungles and forests. Only children live here, but their normal bodies are different. Wonderland turns them into adults. The more a child comes here, the longer they will stay there. It is uncontrollable, until finally, after spending a few years there, you will go into a never-ending dream state on earth, and will only exist in Wonderland. The first children to have entered already spend weeks there without waking. The newer ones can only stay there for a few hours. The trees, plants and animals of the Wonderland are different from earth, with many different types. Each animal resembles something from Earth in some way, but is much more deadly. Each time you go to Wonderland, the total time you spend there during each "dream state" back on Earth increases by around an hour. For example, if you go there one day, let's say you're there for five hours one day, the next day you go there, you would be there for six hours and so on. Animals Sarna- Closely resembling a deer, the sarna is near the bottom of the food chain. They have long, spiked horns branching out of the back of their heads. Their tails are long and studded with spines that can be used as projectiles. The front teeth are sharp and mainly used in defense/offense. They are is about as big as a horse. Tolha- A small fox-like creature. They lurk around in the undergrowth, scavenging around for different small animals, like damon and icasta. They have tough hide, coming in different colours, which they uses as their main defense. They have spines running the length of their backs, with two longer ones near the shoulder blades that curve around. They are about as big as your average dog. Damon- The small cat of Wonderland. They have long canines which they uses during mating, and in fights. Small groups of damon are known as herds, walking with the young in the middle, with adults surrounding in a protective circle. They have ragged fur, becoming lighter near the belly. They are about as big as foxes. Icasta- A mouse like creature. These small rodents have black eyes. Their bodies are covered in big, overlapping plates. These are rock-hard and can be used very effectively. Their tails have a small, heavy mace that can be swung into the legs of different predators. They are about as big as a rat. Skez- Skezes are big, bulky creatures. Closely resembling big cats, they hunt alone. They are perfect predators and one of the worst enemies you could have. They are armed with razor sharp claws, with their thumbs having a claw at least three times as big as the others, and three rows of teeth. Kneema- Kneemas are family creatures. Their behaviour resembles a wolf's in more ways than one. They have thick fur which is waterproof. Their unique call sounds like the wind. They use this hidden comunication to contact each other during hunts, staying away from Skezes as much as they can. Kaisagi- Kaisagi are big carnivourous creatures. They have a rabbit-like appearance, but are armed with poisonous fangs. Their eyes are deep red. However, they can only see moving objects. They are ten feet tall. Serephine- Two-headed, small snakes that spit venom and blood at prey and predators. They live in swarms, but don't do well in the water. Tachers- Large wasp-like spiders that have large stingers on their hinds. They live in swarms and have a 'queen bee'. Smoke causes them drowsiness and they have lethal poison in them that can cause illusions. Sarine- Racoon-like animals with worm-like tails. They are completely grey and have large teeth and sharp claws. They are the fastest and smallest. Faggera- Mutant frogs that have an extra pair of legs. They like wet places and hate dry places. They have exotic patterns on them and are just as poisonous as the dart frog. They have invisible spikes that are like needles and will leave the other animals alone unless directly threatened. Uran and Uran eaters- Uran are annoying bugs much like flies and mosquitoes. They are scavengers and feed off rotting meat. Uran eaters are similar to the fly trap, but they eat uran. Swarrowlings- Parot like birds with long, curved, sharp beaks. They are immune to poison and eat anything smaller than them. Their feathers are heavy and hardened. It's a mystery how they fly like that. Harvaskar- Harvaskars are generally hostile creatures that live in small herds. They are said to guard a magical diamond like substance, called magicae adamas, that can grant one wish, however no one as ever seen or used the substance. When harvaskars are in battle they are fierce and merciless and don't often avoid fighting. They do become very curious and will often get into trouble investigating things. When a Harvaskar hunts, rather than working it shifts it's appearance so it looks sickly, no one knows how it does this, and lures it's prey in. Harvaskars are very protective and will die fighting. Water Animals Deltamor- They are small fishes that live in river deltas. They aren't much different from piranhas, except that they are much smaller and live in larger groups. They are grey in color. Nightcobra fish- a fish named after the nightcobra plant. They are huge, but elegant in the water. They look a bit like angel fish with wings. When it gets dark, these creatures become more active. They are a bit like vampires and grow fangs in the night. Though it may not look like it, these fish are always asleep in daytime. Decodas- Octopus like animals that live in shallow waters. They have ten legs and are usually peaceful. They can get aggressive without warning though and they are a very dangerous opponent when this occurs. Clampera- Clam-like animals that have fangs around the edges of their shells. If you try to take the gems inside and get bitten, it is likely that you may never see your hand again. They are very colorful. Osana- these animal are the guardians of water. You can find prides of them near lakes, pools, rivers and the sea. They are lion, fish hybrids and they prey on most animals. Their tails are fish like and their skin is as hard as metal. They won't attack other predatory animals unless agrivated. They are about the size of a wolf and live in prides of at least 10 of them. Birds Cokasparrows- These small birds are as big as sparrows. They make a good feast but are very violent. They live in groups and attack anything they see. Nimrods- Fast, small birds that live in groups. They aren't aggressive or very dangerous but are very fast and hard to catch. They go around stealing food from others, if you see them, you'd better keep your food out of sight. They look like humming birds. Huzards- Vulture like birds that make a buzzing sound when they fly. They are much larger than normal vultures and have spikes on their wings and down their back. They get curious easily, but due to their frightening appearance, they are attacked when they get close to others. At these times, they become killing machines. They are tamable. Plants Windle weed- Thick, reed-like plants that have poison on the outside. A small cut on one of these could cause death. They are very rare plants and, if you know the right way to use them, they can bring people back from near-death situations. Daycobra- These are flowers that look like roses, except that they are poisonous in the day and close up in the night. They are blood red and covered with thorns. While the venom isn't deadly, a scratch could cause some loss of oxygen. Thanrite- Thanrite plants look like rice plants. They are almost identical, but a close up inspection will let you see the silver glow these plants give off. They are one of the few edible plants and they cause some drowsiness. Nightcobra- Nightcobra are identical to the daycobra. They are edible during the day, but if moonlight reaches them, poison is made and excreted. Corsoul- Corsoul is like coral with a twist. They are like angry souls, pulling in any moving thing nearby. They are very huge and look like flowers of the sea. Covray- They look like HUGE, poisonous and deadly mushrooms with a serpent like texture on the top. These plants are actually edible. They glow like the sun and have a great taste. Although one is hard to find and usually guarded by an animal. Bellbeans- These wondrous plants have leather like webs around them. If you are able to break the web, they have beans on the inside. The web has a layer of fluid on the inside that can cure some minor poisonings. The web is also good for stopping bleeding. These plants, though common, are hard to cut. Wedbrain- Magical plants that seem to dance, wedbrain are tulips with poisonous roots. The flower isn't poisonous and can be eaten but you have to be very careful when separating the poisonous part and non-poisonous part. The poison isn't deadly, but can cause temporary effects that are similar to the ones diabetes causes. Chain root- a plant that has roots like chains. If you go near, it will use the chains to attack you. At the top of the plant there is an egg like shell that holds the precious and edible seeds of the plant. These seeds can dull pain and the smell makes animals drowsy. Cactous- They are very similer to normal cacti except they're much, MUCH larger and the pricks on them look like long spikes, they are also extreamly poisonous, if you get spicked by one the poison will most likely kill you. Found anywhere, but mainly deserts. (Many of these are thanks to SoiledLove!) Rules No Powerplaying, Godmoding, Chat Speak, Leet, etc. Keep flaws in your characters, and make them realistic. No swearing. Keep everything PG 13. Minimum of 4 sentences per post. No less, please. Respect each other. Negative behavior (OoC) is not acceptable. Please try to use proper spelling and decent grammar. Character sheets should be posted in the thread to be approved. A limit of 3 characters per player. Characters must be younger then 18, older then 10. (In Wonderland you can be older) Character Sheet [B]Username:[/B] [B]Name:[/B] [B]Gender:[/B] [B]Age:[/B] [B]Age they appear in Wonderland:[/B] [B]What country they come from:[/B] [B]Appearance:[/B] [B]Personality:[/B] (Can be RPed) [B]History:[/B] [B]Other:[/B] Accepted characters Shadowwolf6 Name: Shey Gender: Female Age: 13 Age they appear in Wonderland: 21 What country they come from: England Appearance: http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/169...Paramore345.png (I do not take credit for this image) Slim figure, tall for her age. Personality: Rp'ed History: Rp'ed Other: One of the first into Wonderland FlowerOwl Name: Lauren Gender: Fenale Age: 11 Age they appear in Wonderland: 18 What country they come from: America Appearance: Tangled Light Brown hair with some natural highlights, with blue eyes that have a gray shine to them in the dark and a bit lighter in the sunlight. Usually wears a purple and yellow scarf and a blue hat. Has fair skin and no freckles. Tall for her age, and has pretty small feet for her age too. Personality: (Can be RPed) A bit shy but confiedent. Once her mind is set there is only one thing that can stop her, herself. The rest is to be RPed! History: She has two siblings, her baby brother and her younger sister, who are quiet the handful. She finds WonderLand to be a paradise since of the trouble they cause her at home. Lauren has a pretty normal childhood, but has almost always loves owls (Couldn't resist) and is pretty good with writing for her age. Between skiing, biking, hiking, tennis, and other out door activities she is a bit more active then other kids at her school. Other: Is a little bit British and Irish, so she has a little bit of a Irish and British accent. Freezerpup Name: Alex Gender: Female Age: 13 Age they appear in Wonderland: 18 What country they come from: England Appearance: in wonderland= https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=..._Hu17QduIUpn-iQ When 13= https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=...LbHCZkMEdJu49FV Personality: Is an emo Girl. (Can be RPed) History: Had met Shey in school. Started cutting herself when 8 years old and is kind of a loner. Other: Loves Black veil brides and Blood on the dance floor. Pinkieseb Name: Jay Gender: Male Age: 13 Age they appear in Wonderland: 18 What country they come from: Australia Appearance: Here Personality: To be RPed History: Was an orphan, no family. He found WonderLand on his 13th b-day, but can only stay there for 3hrs at a time. Other: SoiledLove Name:Isa Gender:Female Age:14 Age they appear in Wonderland:18 What country they come from:Japan Appearance:Click here Personality:RP'd out History:She has been learning archery ever since she was five. Other:she can't speak and is really good with a bow Name:Lea Gender:Male, yes, he is a boy Age:15 Age they appear in Wonderland:25 What country they come from:England Appearance:Click here for both Personality: RP'd out History:he can from a family of knights and was taught how to survive in the wild. He was also taught a lot of fighting techniques. Other:one of the first in wonderland, is good in physical combat Name:Skarr Gender:male Age:17 Age they appear in Wonderland:23 What country they come from:Canada Appearance:Click here Personality: RP'd out History:he has always loved animals and been really good with them. He has more animal friends than human friends. Sad. Other:one of the first in wonderland and he has a way with animals. He is a vegetarian. Has a pet huzzard. Shur'turgal (Call her Shur) Name: Farrin Alabaster Gender: Female Age: 16 Age they appear in Wonderland: 20 What country they come from: Canada Appearance: Face Except her hair is so long that it flows easily to the base of her back, and lightens all the way down until it is a light blonde. She is about 5'10 and has long legs. Personality: Wary of strangers, and always thinking before acting. Farrin doesn't trust anybody easily, but will easily find trust and comfort in animals. She will also take pity on an animal if it looks injured or sick. She is hardly scared of anything and will rarely back down from a challenge. She is fierce and tries to be kind to everyone but is most often bitter. Farrin is a master of her own emotions and will hardly let them show. She is quite and her actions speak for her more than anything. History: Her parents are rich and neglect her a lot. However, they feel bad about never being with her so she gets most everything she wants. Her uncle has shown her how to bend metal when she spends time on his farm. Even with the freedom she never asks for much but does take fencing, and archery as well as owning her own horse. She is well liked at school but doesn't keep many friends because she thinks people only like her for her money. Farrin cares little about what other people think and prefers wonderland over earth. She really rolls to her own beat, but is loved for that aspect. Other: Wields a hand crafted bow, woven of a few different woods (Like a wicker basket), and a wooden sword which she grinds on rocks to sharpen. She has tamed a dark, shimmering blue, larger than normal Harvaskar, whse name is Malum, and uses it as transportation when in wonderland. greenglassesgal Name: Diana Gender: female Age: 11 Age they appear in Wonderland: 18 What country they come from: America Appearance: Diana (normal) Diana (wonderland) Personality: A little bit sad at all times. Kind of cold. Does show a soft side to people who she likes and is always happy with animals. She is clever for her age. Her personality may change, though... History: she was always happy like an average child, until her parents were caught up in a bank robbery and got murdered. From then on, her life just got worse. Her friends and the rest of her classmates all got killed on a field trip that she was absent from, when the school bus crashed. Her two remaining grandparents died after battling cancer. She is now stuck with her constantly busy uncle and two abusive cousins. To occupy herself, she spent time reading in the library and spending time helping out at the local animal shelter. She prefers Wonderland to the real world. Other: owns a slingshot that she is very good with. Also knows a bit of self defense. Has been in Wonderland since her 11th birthday. Is technically american born Chinese. Has tamed a Damon (named Mischief) and a Nimrod (named Fizz), but only because they were runts in the first place and their own kind abandoned them. So, I could do with animals, for a while, I'm going to let people create animals and/or plants! Form: [B]Plant/animal name:[/B] [B]Based on:[/B] [B]Description:[/B] [B]What it does:[/B] [B]Other:[/B] Edited August 5, 2013 by Shadowwolf6 Share this post Link to post
Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) A lot of your sentences are really just fragments, which isn't really correct, but it adds a dramatic effect, so I'll let you decide if you want to fix those or not. For now, I'll ignore them. It all begun a few months ago, back in January. Begun should be began. Children have slipped into a dream state. "have" should be "had". You're speaking in the past tense, so be careful to continue everything in the past tense. Easy to mess up. I would also combine this sentence with the next. Waking hours later, traumatised and speaking only of what they have seen. So something like "... only to wake hours later ...." Some call it a paradise, others a living hell. They speak of a world, ripe with animals and plants of many kinds. I'd suggest switching these sentences around. It flows a bit better. If you find this place a living hell, or a peaceful heaven. That is up to you. "Whether you find this place a living hell or a peaceful heaven is up to you," fits a bit better. The more a child lives here, the longer they will stay there. This doesn't make much sense. It seems like her just stating the obvious. x3 The first children to have entered already spend weeks there without waking. Spend should be spent. That's all I see at the moment. I'm a bit curious, though. Why must all the members be younger than 18? Or did you mean characters? As for plot: What is the purpose? After you arrive in Wonderland, what are you supposed to do? What happens to your character after it wakes up? Do you simply stop RPing or just make a new character? How many children are in Wonderland at a time? Do you have a basic story in mind, such as what the children in the world are doing to help fix this? If the RP takes place in Earth as well, what happens there? Scientists studying the children to find out what's wrong? A war? Tell me more about the setting. What year is it? It began in January, but what time is it now? (Still January, or has it been going on for a few months?) All in all, I love the basic idea of it. I'll probably be coming up with a character for this soon. :> Edited June 26, 2012 by Mikki Share this post Link to post
Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) Ok, let me fix some of that stuff... Didn't spend too much time on it, I was planning to fill it out more today, wrote that when I was tired... Edit: Spend wouldn't be spent, this is what's happening now. Edited June 27, 2012 by Shadowwolf6 Share this post Link to post
Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) Alrighty! Sorry about that, I was tired when I wrote that as well. ' But, however you find it, you must survive. To die there, would be to die on Earth. Once you enter Wonderland the first time, there is no going back. Never start a sentence with "but" or "and", just don't. The comma after there isn't necessary. But, as you come back to Earth, your not the same. "your" should be "you're" You seem less on Earth. You seem "Away with the faries". These sentences are a bit choppy, and they don't flow well. Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "Away with the faries," but if you mean those tiny little humanoids with wings (in most cases), it's fairies or faeries. Scientists want to sudy you, to find a way to stop you going to Wonderland. But to stop you going there, would be like to stop you living at all. You left the t in study out. Putting a "from" in front of "going" may sound a bit better. Don't start a sentence with but; find a better starting word or just remove the period, add a comma, and make the capital B lowercase. ---- Okay, you've added a bit of plot, awesome, but could you provide a sort of purpose or goal? Could you provide more information on how long you stay in Wonderland/how much time it takes to go back? Edited June 27, 2012 by Mikki Share this post Link to post
Posted June 28, 2012 (edited) Over the last few days the children who have been there longer have been noticing disturbences. disturbences should be disturbances Flocks of birds taking off when nothing is there to scare them. Predetors have run away, scared, in the middle of hunts. Predetors should be Predators During the night, colourfull lights have been flashing in the sky. colourfull should be colourful (or colorful) Animals have been found dead. Their bodies hard to make out. Remove the period after dead and add a comma, "Their" shouldn't be capitalized. Each time you go to Wonderland, the total time you spend there during each "dream state" back on earch, increases by around an hour. earch should be Earth. I don't think the comma is needed after Earth. Maybe give an example of what you mean, in case someone is confused. (Ex. - If you spend 5 days and 6 hours in Wonderland, that means you spend 5 days and 7 hours asleep on Earth.) I haven't really looked much at the information on the animals in Wonderland, since I know you're still working on them, but I'm going to go ahead and work on what you have now, since I'm a bit OCD about it. (Under "Skez") They are perfect predetors and one of the worst enemys you could have. Predetors should be predators, and enemys should be enemies. (Under Tolha) They have spines running the length of they're backs, with two longer ones near the shoulder blades that curve around. The "they're" in front of backs should be "their". (Under Sarna, and a couple others) Defence should be defense. (Under "Icasta") Predetors should be predators. Kneema- Kneemas are family creratures. Their behaviour resembling a wolf's in more ways then one. They have thick fur which is waterproof. Their unique call sounds like the wind. They use this hidden comunication to contact each other during hunts. They stay away from Skezes as much as they can. First sentence: creratures should be creatures Second sentence: Instead of resembling, used resembles Combine the fourth and fifth sentences, and make edits to punctuation and such as needed. That's about all I see for now. I can see definite improvement in the plot since you first posted this, but there needs to be a bit more of a goal to work towards in Wonderland, or else there isn't much to do. Also, for my own curiosity: Is it possible to leave Wonderland and then return at a later date? Edit: Remember, if you get tired of the Approval process, your RP can be moved to freeform at anytime, and you can begin roleplaying immediately. Edited June 28, 2012 by Mikki Share this post Link to post
Posted June 28, 2012 Just curious, will you be retaining any of the original characters? I.e. Mad Hatter, White Queen, etc. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 29, 2012 (edited) This isn't based on Alice in Wonderland at all It's just called Wonderland... Editing now, Mikki! And why would I skip the approval process? I've already had two topics approved before! Edit: Mikki, you go to Wonderland for a while, then you wake up back on Earth Edited June 29, 2012 by Shadowwolf6 Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 Just throwing it in! I got that, Shadow, but I'm asking if it's possible to return to Wonderland, after having been there once. I'll look over this again in a bit. Currently a bit busy. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 Ah, sorry for assuming. I read the bit about it possibly being a dream and jumped to conclusions. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 Over the last few days the children who have been there longer have been noticing disturbances. Comma after days The children must find out what this is. Or they will be the next victim. Combine these sentences. (Add a comma instead of a period and don't capitalize "or".) The plot is definitely forming. I like it, but can you include more about what they're working against? (They won't know this in the RP, of course, but no one will be able to figure it out at all unless they have some idea of what their characters may find OOC...) Kind of like in GEGB, you know you're working against Sylan. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 Comma after days Combine these sentences. (Add a comma instead of a period and don't capitalize "or".) The plot is definitely forming. I like it, but can you include more about what they're working against? (They won't know this in the RP, of course, but no one will be able to figure it out at all unless they have some idea of what their characters may find OOC...) Kind of like in GEGB, you know you're working against Sylan. ... I'm not really sure myself O.o I'll have a think, and see if I can form someone (Or something) To work against. Yes, you can return there more then once, I though I had made that clear Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 It's 8 AM and I haven't slept, but I'm pretty sure every "then" in the OP should be "than". They're easy to confuse. Any ideas for someone/something to work against? Sorry, must've just been confused. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 Prowling the forests, by night and day, is the creature. Wonderland's biggest defence. Remove the period after creature and add a comma. "defence" should be "defense". This mass of teeth, claws and weapons, has a hunger to kill. Comma after claws, no comma after weapons. This... thing, has been sent out to destroy this place. No comma after thing. Wonderland's last defence, is to destroy itself and anything else with it. This is repetition. You just used something almost exactly the same as "Wonderland's last defense," and it doesn't read well. Try rewording the sentence. This monster will turn the vast forests into wastelands. Where it will roam, killing everyone and everything it can find. Add "the" before wastelands and remove the period, and be sure not to capitalize "where". Hopefully it will sound a bit better this way. (Should read like "..will turn the vast forests into the wastelands where it will roam, killing...") In the first paragraph: Wonderland. A world where only children can go. Remove the period and add a comma. At the very beginning of all this writing, you have a long of sentence fragments that aren't complete. It ruins the flow of the paragraph. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 (edited) Remove the period after creature and add a comma. "defence" should be "defense". Comma after claws, no comma after weapons. No comma after thing. This is repetition. You just used something almost exactly the same as "Wonderland's last defense," and it doesn't read well. Try rewording the sentence. Add "the" before wastelands and remove the period, and be sure not to capitalize "where". Hopefully it will sound a bit better this way. (Should read like "..will turn the vast forests into the wastelands where it will roam, killing...") In the first paragraph: Remove the period and add a comma. At the very beginning of all this writing, you have a long of sentence fragments that aren't complete. It ruins the flow of the paragraph. Why add a "The" Before wastelands? It's not a place already existing, it will become wasted lands... Got what you meant Edited June 30, 2012 by Shadowwolf6 Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 ((Ill probably join this eventually Goodluck getting this approved, this is all ill post so i dont get warned or anything )) Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 It all began a few months ago, back in January as children slipped into a dream state only to wake hours later, traumatised and speaking only of what they have seen. "traumatised" should be "traumatized". The front teeth are sharp and mainly used in defense/offence. They are is about as big as a horse. "offence" should be "offense" They have spines running the length of they're backs "they're" should be "their" I like the idea of the creature in Wonderland, this will make for interesting RP. The trees, plants and animals of the Wonderland are different from earth, with many different types. Each animal resembles something from Earth in some way, but is much more deadly. I'm not sure if you're planning on including more about animals, but a few more species would be nice. Also, you mentioned the plants being the same but deadlier, as well. Give us some information about some of those? Share this post Link to post
Posted June 30, 2012 I'm not sure if you're planning on including more about animals, but a few more species would be nice. Also, you mentioned the plants being the same but deadlier, as well. Give us some information about some of those? Yep, to both of those But... I'm having trouble creating them, as always I'm going to ask people to make some Fixing those things now, and adding something else... Share this post Link to post
Posted July 4, 2012 *Bump* Thank you for the wonderful creatures you have made, SoiledLove! Share this post Link to post
Posted July 5, 2012 after spending a few years there, you will go into a never-ending dream state on earth Earth needs a capital! Share this post Link to post
Posted July 5, 2012 Kaisagi- Kaisagi are big carnivourous creatures. They have a rabbit-like appearance, but are armed with poisonous fanges. fangs* they feathers are heavy and hardened and it's a mystery how they fly like that. Their* Make this two sentences instead of one. It's sloppy the way it is. They aren't much different from piranhas except that they are much smaller and live in larger groups. They are grey in color. Comma after piranhas Though it may not look like it, but these fish are always asleep in daytime. Remove the "but" before these. They glow like the sun, if you pay close attention, and have a great taste, though one is hard to find and usually guarded by an animal. Break this sentence up a bit, and rewrite it. It doesn't make much sense at all like this. It's looking good, I like the new species. Share this post Link to post
Recommended Posts