A World in Oils

[Zeditha]

People paint many pictures, and of many different things. But many artists paint one thing: nature. Landscapes, plants, and animals capture our imagination.

 

A picture was finished two days ago. Painted over its two-metre-square surface in rich, lively, oil paints, it describes a lush forest alive with creatures. Even mythical creatures, such as dragons and firebirds, as well as extinct animals, such as dodo birds and carrier pigeons, are depicted. It is kept, well guarded, in an art display. But the painting is special.

 

The animals are rumored to be alive. There are no humans, only animals in the forest. These creatures move; few see them but they will often be in different places.

 

Because within this painting, unknown to humans, is another world. Outside the forest scene there are mountains, lakes, deserts, grasslands. ((Critique note. THIS IS DELIBERATE. I will not put an 'and' before 'grasslands'. I know it is grammatically incorrect, but it's a very deliberate effect.))

 

However, there are two sides to every story. There are creatures who lurk in the shadows, the ones you never see in the painting. They watch and wait, plotting the destruction of the 'dangerous' window and willing to stop at nothing in their fear. The animals who protect it do so out of curiosity; they wish to learn more.

 

The animals can see through the painting, to our world. There is a rumour, started by a 'mad' rabbit who claimed to have touched it, that the window is a portal, and anyone who touches it will be transported to the world portrayed. For the ones who seek its destruction, yet another argument for their cause.

 

The animals turned on each other, scared and confused. They argue for destruction or protection of the window in the forest, and there are those who wish to have nothing to do with it. Families and friends will split, driven apart by fear.

 

Some creatures seemed strangely younger than they should, after disappearing for days. They always reappear ranting about the window as a portal, claiming they have been to the other world. Some have not come back at all. These happenings are spreading extra madness. Can it be stopped?

 

 

Here's a map of the explorable world. The painting is in the middle of the forest. (This isn't my art, so it has some buildings. Pretend they don't exist )

 

You are a creature in this forest world. The window appeared five days ago. (Yes, there's a time difference!)

Which side will you choose? And which side will win?

 

 

 

Rules:

- No super-powers. (smallish powers in mythical creatures is allowed, e.g. dragons can breathe fire as long they can't burn the forest down, and maybe someone can minorly control shadows.)

- Try to keep the sides even.

- Put 'oil' in Other.

- General DC rules apply.

- No powerplaying, godmodding, etc.

 

 

Form: (Delete anything in parantheses. PM forms to me.)

 

[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Gender:[/b]
[b]Description:[/b]
[b]Species/type:[/b] (Can be anything you want, be as imaginative as you like!)
[b]Age:[/b] (optional)
[b]History:[/b] (optional)
[b]Side:[/b] (Scared or Curious)
[b]Other:[/b]

Edited May 11, 2014 by Zeditha

[HomeForFlowers]

What are people suppose to accomplish in this story? I understand the setting and that they're all in a painting, but what are they suppose to do? What exactly this "mirror" you talk about? You don't exactly explain it well. Are they suppose to find the mirror? Why would they want to be transported to our world?

 

They may just be me, but the rules seem to be a bit lacking. You really only have about three rules which really isn't much. You don't have to add more, I'm just pointing out that all the RPs I see in the DC and Other section usually have more rules than that.

 

I really like the idea and you gave a nice setting, but there are still a few major factors you're leaving out.

[Zeditha]

I knew this would need something... I realised there were too few rules, but I don't know what to add. Can I have suggestions? I put anything I could think of.

 

The 'mirror' is the painting. Trust the animals' rumour, it's a portal between the worlds, and in our world it looks like a painting. It has to stay where it is in the world 'inside' the painting because it contains the landscape. It's invisible from one side, like a piece of very clear glass. I used a different word because I was speaking from the animals' point of view, and they don't know exactly what it is.

 

If there are any more specific tips, I'd be happy to explain and add where convenient.

[HomeForFlowers]

Ah, okay, I didn't understand that after reading the IC several times. You may want to add what you told me to the IC in some way.

 

As for the rules section, you could look at this thread for some help.

[Zeditha]

I've edited the first post slightly. Is this any better?

[HomeForFlowers]

Slightly better. I still have no idea what the goal is and how the animals are suppose to achieve it.

[Zeditha]

The 'goal' is a struggle between the two sides. As it says briefly, the two sides are named 'oils' (the ones who want to keep and protect the painting, and find out more about it) and 'anti-oils' (the ones who want to destroy the painting). I might give a small starting problem, such as a raid by the anti-oils, to give the RP a kick-start, but other than that it's up to the RPers where it goes.

 

Hope that makes sense.

[Narath]

I have to say, this may just be the most original idea I've seen for a RP.

 

Count me in!

 

I'll send you a character form later.

[Zeditha]

I'm glad people are interested in this

It was started a while ago on another site, and it never really caught on. I was hoping it would work better here.

[Zeditha]

Bumping. Not many new RPs are being started ATM, I notice. Are the approvers asleep?

[Narath]

I think so.

 

After a week or so of no approver making any comments on an RP I think you are allowed to start.

[HomeForFlowers]

All the RP approvers have been busy lately as are the mods. If you think this is ready to be accepted, then you could PM a mod. (I will only suggest doing this if the RP has been ignored for a week or so considering there are RPs much older than this one that need to be accepted also.) However, I did so a while back and the person I PM'ed has yet to come online. As for RPing in the unapproved section, look at the article below.

 

RPing in Unapproved

Khay and I have been talking these past few months to try and come up with a solution to the long wait in unapproved section. As you all know, we've hinted at plenty of things that might be happening, but most didn't make the final cut. This is how the new system will work:

If your RP has been in this section for more than two weeks, you can begin RPing in it. That's right folks. We are going to let you RP in the unapproved section~ (aaksjdfksjhdfbgj) Please refrain from RPing in your RP if it is less than two weeks old.

Any rules that apply to RPing in the DC RP section or Other section now apply here.

Please make sure to put in your OP if you will be willing to let people RP in your unapproved RP if it gets past two weeks. The OP is allowed to decide whether they want to allow people to RP in it or whether they want to wait until it is moved. If the OP says no, don't push it.

If you are RPing in an RP and then a mod/approver comes in and gives a critique, you must wait until after the OP replies to the critique before you can resume RPing.

If you want your RP cleaned of RP posts before it is moved, PM one of the RP mods or press the report button and request it be cleared out. This allows you to start from scratch when you are moved (if you want to). Also, if a critique prompts a big change in your plot, you can also PM or report so that we can clean it and you can start from scratch with the new plot, even if it is still in unapproved.

Please don't abuse this. The main goal of the unapproved section is still to get your RP approved. Us allowing you to RP now is meant to help allievate the boredom of the wait; it isn't meant to change the unapproved section into a RPing section. Keep the main goal of the unapproved section in mind.

This means you can also list character sheets in your unapproved RPs, but only after the two week period has passed.

 

If the RP has been in the unapproved for two weeks, you may RP in it.

[Zeditha]

Okay. This RP isn't two weeks old I don't think, but Lost Dragon Village is. I'll PM a mod, and if there's no reply by the weekend I'll give the all-clear for RPing. I'll PM mods about this, too. Think it's ready, Doctor?

[littlelizzie]

Could you PM me when this is all ready to be roleplayed in? It sounds super interesting and I would love to join!

[Zeditha]

You can PM me with a form as soon as you like. When it's moved to the approved section, or I decide to start RPing in it, then I'll PM back. (Or you'll notice!!! )

 

Appreciating any more critique.

[Tiga]

People have painted many pictures, of many different things. But most artists paint something of one thing: nature.

 

The comma is not needed. The second sentence sounds awkward, perhaps something like this:

 

But many artists paint only one thing; nature.

 

Painted in rich, realistic oil paints, it depicts a lush forest alive with creatures. Even mythical creatures, such as dragons and firebirds, and extinct animals, like dodo birds and carrier pigeons, are depicted. But the painting is special.

 

How can oil paint be unrealistic? The word depicts are used too many times.

 

The painting has moved -> The painting has been rumored to be alive.

 

The few people in the picture aged and disappeared, leaving only the animals.

 

The few people in the painting have aged and disappeared, leaving only the animals in the creation.

 

They, too, move: nobody ever sees them moving but they will often be in different positions

 

Too many commas, try this.

 

They too move. No one has ever seen them in movement before their eyes, but once they have left and returned to the painting, many of the animals would be in different places than before.

 

Because within the painting is another world.

 

This is too short and too sudden and doesn't really fit.

 

Thats all I can pick up for now, I'll check it through later.

[Zeditha]

Almost all of those corrections don't seem to fit... I like my version better. But I will change one of those.

 

Thanks for the critique, but I'm leaving most of it XP

[Tiga]

Alright then.

 

The painting is rumoured to have moved. The few people in the picture aged and disappeared, leaving only the animals in the forest. They, too, move: nobody ever sees them moving but they will often be in different places. Sometimes they disappear altogether, only to reappear later.

 

The first sentence sounds like the painting itself has moved. You have to say the drawing.

 

They, too, move: --> As I said before, there are way too many commas in that little part.

 

You don't have to live within the forest, there are many places in this world, but all creatures are drawn from all places to see the mirror.

 

What is the mirror? You just suddenly added that into the story without any real explanation. I know you have answered this before, but you should include that in the OP, roleplayers don't read through all the critique.

 

The one correction that you fixed isn't enough, I'm trying to help you. I am suggesting these so then you can get this approved more easier. I'm not critiquing your roleplay only to have most of it ignored. I don't men this to be rude or offensive, but it feels like you have just thrown away my crits.

[Melomancer]

Zed, Tiga is experienced with this, you should take her advice. People don't ask for crits and receive perfectly good ones, and then reject them. The crits she gave make the story sound a lot better when read out loud, and are clearer. You should really take her advice on them.

[AshCola]

Just wanted to point some things out

 

The painting is rumoured to have moved

 

Rumoured -> rumored

 

Also how does it move, do you mean the animals inside or does the actual painting itself move, I think you need to explain that a bit more. (like tiga said)

 

These are the anti-oils, and they strive against the painting-loving oils.

 

Why? Did something happen?

 

It is rumoured among the animals that the painting is a portal, and anyone who touches it will be transported to our world. For the anti-oils, yet another reason to destroy it.

 

What is wrong if anyone goes through the portal? Why do the anti-oils think if someone comes through it is a threat? Has something/someone come through the portal before and something bad happen?

 

Also, I am having trouble seeing how far this roleplay would go? Since they are in the real world what could happen? People look at the painting, then what?

 

 

[Tiga]

These are the anti-oils, and they strive against the painting-loving oils.

 

Wait, you just threw in that the 'good' creatures like oil? How is that possible? So they need the oil paint to survive or something?

Edited April 8, 2014 by Tiga

[Zeditha]

I've edited most of the grammar mistakes. I'm leaving the commas, because that's actually intentional. I can't remove the commas without removing the effect, and anyway two commas in a sentence isn't all that many. But I've changed everything else.

 

As for why the creatures like or dislike the painting, it differs between the animals but why do people join this or that religion, or political party, or side in a war?

No, they don't need it to survive, and I think the names of the two sides aren't great as it implies they can see the painting, which they can't. All the creatures in the forest can see is our world through a 'window'. But I couldn't come up with a better name, taking suggestions on that.

 

No creature has yet touched the painting to check if the rumour of it being a portal is true. The aim in this RP is, very simply, a struggle between two sides. I'm not trying to portray either side as evil, although as one side is focused on destroying a possible danger and the other on learning more about an interesting occurrence, obviously the destroying sounds more brutal.

 

I've changed it a bit to try making this more clear. Is it better now?

[Zeditha]

Bump ~

[Zeditha]

Once again, Bump. All critique welcome!

 

I think this has had more than two weeks. I'm open to forms...

[Konayuki of the Spirits]

Hi. ^^' Noticed a few things, so I'll try to smooth 'em out for you. Some things may have already been pointed out, and if so, I'm sorry.

 

People have painted many pictures, of many different things.

The comma isn't needed and actually makes it awkward to read. I get that you're trying to go for style, though, so maybe you could squeeze an "and" after the comma so it'd be smoother? Ex: "People have painted many picture, and of many different things."

 

A picture has been created. Painted in rich, lively oil paints, it describes a lush forest alive with creatures. Even mythical creatures, such as dragons and firebirds, and extinct animals such as dodo birds and carrier pigeons, are depicted. But the painting is special.

This whole bit is very vague. For example, when was this picture created? I also think that there should be a comma after "lively". Also, where is this picture? How big is it (since it's described to have many creatures, mythical or not, extinct or living)? Who was the creator, or is he some nobody who died penniless?

I think it's especially important to know the when and where the painting is, because the next paragraph observes that it has moved. So who saw it move? Or is it some urban legend or something?

 

They, too, move: nobody ever sees them moving but they will often be in different places.

Colon doesn't really fit here. When joining two related ideas, it's best to use a semicolon if a comma doesn't serve. ;3

 

Outside the forest scene there are mountains, lakes, deserts, grasslands.

It'd sound better with a comma after "outside the forest scene", but eh... I'll leave that to the approvers. You should have an "and" before "grasslands".

 

However, there are two sides to any story.

Not "any", but perhaps "every"?

 

There are creatures who lurk in the shadows, the ones you never see in the painting.

What kind of creatures? Are they the ones who have disappeared and move from time to time? Are they different, are they regular woodland creatures? Or are they dragons and shadowbeasts and things like the Bogey Man?

 

They watch and wait, plotting the destruction of the 'dangerous' window and willing to stop at nothing in their fear. The animals who protect it do so out of curiosity; they wish to learn more.

You'll need to elaborate on this. How do they know they're in a painting, first off? If this is a window, then what do they see? How does that influence their decision to protect or destroy it? Furthermore, why do the evil ones want to destroy it in the first place, without knowing the consequences?

 

Also, you can't just leave the reason to destroy the window as some sort of cliffhanger. Roleplayers would rather know the full backstory than jump in blind. You can always put something in like "oh but they don't really like to tell anyone", or if it's supposed to be mysterious, you could give some examples.

 

You might want to describe the lands in more detail. Not just in the painting, but also in the real world, too. As much as you want the story focused on the painting, you did say we could play outside beings as well, so you'll have to explain what our views and whatnot are like.

 

That's all :3