Posted November 1, 2018 - PROLOGUE - You have been wandering the far reaches of the desert in search for more dragon eggs. The regular egg pile that you frequented before was barren, which led you to continue wandering in your search. Your water reserves was finally depleted as you held your jug upside down with only a small droplet of water falling and evaporating immediately in contact with the scorching desert sand. Your sense of direction begins to wane as dehydration begins to take a deadly toll on you and soon forces you onto your knees. The edges of your vision begins to blur as a creeping black signals that you’re on the brink of unconsciousness. You fear that these are your last moments before Death ultimately puts you down for good but in the distance a ghostly roar manages to pierce through the buzzing in your ear. Even with your sight beginning to dysfunction, a yellowish dragon with traces of midnight blue could be seen rushing to your way. Its’ roars are the last thing you hear as your body finally gives away and you are washed off to the dizzying abyss. ✿ You are slowly waking up now with your beating heart to remind you that you’re not yet dead. You vaguely get the sense that you were in a different place since now you’re laying in a grassy meadow. You clumsily try to get on your feet, almost stumbling a bit here as you peer around at your surroundings. In the corner of your eye, you swore you saw a blue creature’s tail disappearing into the nearby dense vegetation accompanied by a small ghostly roar. However, there was no point in investigating something so quick to disappear. You decide to investigate your new surroundings, which seemed so starkly different from Galsreim. You guessed you have been wandering for an hour before the next encounter shows itself to you. A raging dragon that is seemingly displeased with its surroundings. Its’ growls and roars appear to be in pure frustration and it soon catches a whiff of your scent. You are caught off-guard and you trip to the ground. You covered your face with your arm and held out a hand to seemingly stop the raging beast. Before you were transported to the strange land, you recall raising a species similar to the dragon that was raging towards you. As a sort of last resort, you called out the very name you had given to that dragon you raised up from when it was just a egg. You waited to be engulfed and imprisoned within teeth but it never came. You uncovered your face and saw the gigantic dragon sitting and staring right at you with eyes lit with recognition. So it was a dragon that you owned, but how did it get here? Your dragon eventually leads you to a large, wide-mouthed cave where you’re surprised by the sheer amount of different dragons, drakes, and pygmies taking shelter within. With each creature you pass, you tap their snout and whisper their name to which they now recognize you. After settling down, a couple of your braver dragons recall their side of the events; you had been gone for days until they began to scout out in an attempt to find you. In the far reaches of the desert, they encountered a yellowish dragon with traces of midnight blue holding you carefully in between its teeth and it led your dragons to hunt it down. Soon, your dragons succumbed to the unnatural desert heat and blacked out, only to reawaken in the cave and strange land. As nightfall takes over, you think quizzically about the yellowish dragon and the tail of the blue creature you saw earlier. Were they connected? One of your older and wiser dragons gives you a theory on who they could have been: the Avatar of Creation and the Avatar of Change. They were mythical dragons indeed… But what did they want to achieve by dumping you here? Your attention is soon drawn to the sudden appearance of a large stone. On the stone it reads "Come to the big tree with dragon eggs tonight". - PLOT - Unbeknownst to you or your dragons, there is an evil lurking around the corners of this land. Your immediate task is to travel to the big tree -- The "Egg Tree" -- where you'll meet up with anybody else stuck here and perhaps get more information and your next steps. You may bring a few of your dragons for protection. - MAPS - It's a large land out there and you are given the luxury of marking out your territory once you reach the Egg Tree. It will allow others to easily locate your dragon tribe and serve as a secure place to raise your hatchlings and eggs. Having a firm grip on one place will drastically reduce the chances of potentially bumping into something unwanted. Please refer to map link to view the map. Anything in light grey is non-claimable. You may save it to color in your claim and reupload it to Imgur to link in your form, or you can simply circle around the area you want and I can color it off for you. - BANNED DRAGONS LIST - You may use all the dragons in your scroll EXCEPT for the following dragons listed here. Please do not make any reference of having and/or had these dragons as it would conflict with the general lore behind this thread. Avatar of Creation Avatar of Change Avatar of Destruction Ice Dragon Magma Dragon Thunder Dragon Guardian of Nature *Other non-dragons (ex: chickens, dinos, leetle trees) are also not allowed in the RP. OOC: That's all I have at the moment! I'm not sure when I can continue this as I have school weighing me down! Any input here would be nice! Share this post Link to post
Posted November 17, 2018 Hi there! My name is Valid and I am an RP Approver. I apologize for the bit of a wait before popping by. I didn't see a lot of issues with grammar or spelling, but I'll list down what I did catch. I also noticed a bit of repetition or overuse of one or two words (e.g. "raging"). Quote Your water reserves was finally depleted Make sure that your nouns and verbs agree; both should be singular or plural. In this case: "reserve was" or "reserves were". Quote be seen rushing to your way. Unnecessary word here. Quote Its’ roars are the last / Its’ growls and roars / No apostrophe. You switch back and forth, quite a bit, between past and present tense. Reread things and try to find a consistency with one or the other. Quote it was just an egg. "a" vs. "an" You have a great start to this thread. The only thing you're really missing is the setting. Within your writing (especially when you mention the "you" taking a look at the surroundings), there are a lot of good places to slide in descriptions. Help members get a sense of where this is at and what's around the character(s) involved. Share this post Link to post
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