Posted September 14, 2013 Oh well. Also, more characters are allowed now. I'll fix that when I have time. Share this post Link to post
Posted September 14, 2013 Eventually... I'm really busy. I'm working on the post, though. For now, just think of plans and ideas, for the RP. Share this post Link to post
Posted September 14, 2013 Declan did this: Vana must be smart and agile to talk to someone and yet fight another dragon. He walked off towards the forest and started navigating himself around. He fell in a river two times and got lost four times. When he finally came out of the forest he had survived three animal attacks, two drowning's and four miss directions. He returned very warily to Vana and said. "Can I do some fighting now? Like Tenri." And then Vana said this: "You did not retrieve a flag. Punishment is running through the fire." Vana darted at Tenri, and swiped her stomach. Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) Um...let's make one of Slver's posts better! Like this one! Declan gave a slight glare and walked to the fire. He gathered strength and leaped through it. Even though it had been quick, the fire leap made him uncomfortably warm. He looked at the water, and while Vana wasn't looking, took a dip. He relaxed in the perfect temperature water and all too soon forced himself to get out. Let's just go about the wording first. We can talk about keeping the characters in character later, because that might be harder. Edited September 15, 2013 by KoalaNoob Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 Please don't say my last post was bad. It was a lot for kindle Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 I'm not. I just plucked it randomly, because it was the first I saw. Let's start! I seems too rushed, to me. Too straight to the point. Not smooth enough. Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) Declan gave a slight glare and walked to the fire. He felt so tired yet he knew he had to do this. Gathering the strength, he leapt through the fire. Even though it had been quick, the fire had made him uncomfortably warm. He looked at the water, and then at Vana. When she wasn't looking, he entered the water quickly. It felt so good and relaxing, but yet he knew he had to get out before Vana noticed. He forced himself to get out, and looked over at Vana to see if she noticed. How 'bout that? I might have a few misspellings since I'm not using my laptop. Edited September 15, 2013 by KrazyKay12 Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 Well if I made say a nine ish sentence post, it would take twice the amount of time it would have taken on a keyboad enabled or touch screen device Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 I'm on an iPad right now. I have a question: Will most of the RP be based around the dragons in their hatchling stage? Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 I'm on an iPad as well. I type fast, mobile, or computer. No, it will be them working out the kinks in the plan. Declan gave a slight glare, but walked towards the fire. Gathering his strength, he leapt through, feeling the fire's heat close around him. Though he had gotten through quickly, there was a light burning sensation that Declan didn't like at all. Staring at the water, he contemplated going for a quick dip. A swift glance at Vana was enough to tell him that she wasn't looking, and he slipped into the water. The temperature was perfect: Cool, but not too cold. He allowed himself to relax for a short while, but upon the realization that Vana would be wondering where he was, Declan forced himself to leave the small lake. How's that? Here might be a few typos. Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 No, it will be them working out the kinks in the plan. Plan? What plan? *is confused* Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 How was that las post? I don't feel like editing now, that post used up my energy Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 It was definitely an improvement, butid still like to offer some suggestions. Make your sentences more concise. That's the reason I didn't put a sentence rule. People like doing thing in X number of sentences, while it's so much better to do it in 1 or 2. "But it was so hard not to be amused". Take away the "so". It's an unnecessary word. Also, the "amused" at the end is unnecessary as well, because we already know she's amused. It'd be nice if you connected this sentence with the last one as well, with a comma. I COULD do the rest if the post as well, but 1) I don't want to insult you, and 2) I'm lazy. Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 Nah it's okay. I was afraid that if I didn't put the amused again it would be too vague Share this post Link to post
Posted September 15, 2013 Nope. You'll get used to it, after a while...or after your teacher spends two hours drilling this stuff into you brain... Share this post Link to post
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