The Wings of the Changeling OOC

[octopi]

Dude.

Please read all of the first post before doing anything.

[Shapeshifting dragon Cyrus]

If you have read the first post then you need to edit your character sheet accordingly... Including your bio. I'm sorry but this thread has a unique story, and your bio is going to need to conform to it if you want to RP here. I think a second black alt would be fine, as long as your sheet meets the RP guidelines, which it currently does not.

 

Also, only Kronosdragon can accept you, and he hasn't been on lately, so you might end up waiting a while to get accepted.

[Lycanblood]

Alright.....How does the bio look now? does it seem acceptable?

[Shapeshifting dragon Cyrus]

It definitely seems better now. At this point I think it's pretty much just up to Kronos if you get accepted or not. Good luck.

[octopi]

You should probably take out the stuff originally in the form in brackets. It did say that you were supposed to do that.

 

(my character doesn't really remember though)

Why doesn't he remember where he was born? He hatched there, and judging by Dharsii's bio at least, dragons can remember events near their hatching. Even if he doesn't know his history, you should probably include some information about it. Also, where does he live now?

 

Most of the dragons in any cave shun him, because of his monstrous appearance and how different he looks from the normal black dragon.

Dragons don't live in caves, and alt blacks are a perfectly normal occurrence. We already have an alt black character, and no one's shunning him.

 

During such frenzies, he looses control over his actions. This often happens when he attempts to speak to others, thus making most afraid of the damage his insanity might do.

It's "loses". Loose means a different thing. Also, I don't really understand that last bit there. What do you mean by "thus making most afraid"?

 

He overheard the group's goals, and decided that he was going to attempt to conquer his own insanity,no matter how hard.

You need a space after the second comma. Why does he think that restoring the world will cure his insanity? His depression and madness was a result of the others shunning him, isn't it?

 

To him, the changeling is something which cannot be gotten rid of

You need to capitalize Changeling. You got it right the second time :\

[Lycanblood]

Alrighttttt!

 

I've changed whatever spell check could not help me find, and I thank you for helping me correct my mistakes. Your criticism is very useful (not to mention the fact that you helped me learn a new word lol! ) . However, I may not have time later on to edit all the spacings between every punctuation, due to the time constraints of school. I hope you can understand that, and know that though I might not able to spot every error, I will definitely do my best to edit out any major flaw. I hope the character seems more suitable now. I'm afraid I shall have to wait until morning to find out, I am getting rather dozy

[kronosdragon]

Okay guys, I'm putting the RP on hold for a bit. Please do not post any more entries or roleplay posts until further notice.

[octopi]

But whyyyyyyyyy

 

(At least inform the new applicants if they're accepted or not? Seems awfully unfair to just leave them hanging.)

[kronosdragon]

Because Guinia has made no attempts to correct her post, she is denied.

 

If I could get an example post from Lycan, I will look over it.

 

Starheart, I'm going to have to deny you as well. Your style of writing is...immature. Unpracticed. Familiarize yourself better with roleplays and character creation before attempting to join a roleplay made more for experienced players.

[Lycanblood]

I will write a post soon, when I get back from class. Thank you for accepting me into this Rp. Where shall I write my example post?

[Lycanblood]

The world, barren and dark, stretched before him. It was nothing but an empty wasteland, the leftover of many a years of neglect. Shi0cko sighed. He had hoped the dragons would be here. His last hope, his last chance to save himself. The pelt of gray fur that was the dusty ground lay as far as he could see, the feeble wind stirring up slight particles of ashes every so often. A wheezing sigh escaped him, urging his exhausted legs ever forward.

 

Water. How long has it been since he last had water? Already, his scales were dry and gritty, sores appearing upon the inside of his mouth. He had persevered on this far, but how much longer could he take? He could survive a few more days without food, even though his ribs already showed beneath his skin. But water was something he needed, quickly. Panic spread through him, and from it the beast within him stirred. It opened it's eyes and spread a frenzy through him, letting him hear clearly the thing he had dreaded:

 

You are going to die.

 

Struggling to control that secondary nature of his, he blundered through the land. His eyes seemed to pop out of his sockets, his brow creased. He growled, a warning to his inner personality : Get Lost. He had never figured out where this side of him had come from, but over the years, it had slowly developed, creeping over his being. It showed him what he refused to believe in out of fear, it planted the seeds of doubt over logic. It riled him up and made him rage and rant. He had hoped this would be gone when he achieved his goals. It must.

 

Heart pumping, he leaped for the skies. But his wings no longer held his weight, too frail and thin. He felt his two leathery wings give way, and with no draft of air to catch him, he fell. He plummeted back down, crashing into the fine dunes. roaring in rage and frustration, Shiocko limped back up again, determination showing in his half insane gaze. His ankle may have been sprained, but his cells had long since become numb, and the pain he felt seemed no more than a tingling sensation. with a snort, he began his shuffling gait towards edge of his vision.

 

It seemed to carry on for hours. The falling, frenzied clawing and getting up again. These routines were once in a while broken by his half a minute sprint, or a small dried shrub, roots clinging hopelessly with nothing to cling on. But then, he saw small tumbleweeds drifting, once in a while a yellowed sprout. In a desperate frenzy, he raced unsteadily forward.

 

The husks of grass gave way to certain sprouts of green, lush and soothing to his mind. Yet despite his knowledge that better was still to come, that voice inside him told him this : It's all an illusion. Think of it as a dying dragon's final vision.

 

And a vision it seemed to be when he saw other forms of life. A creek gurgled in the distance, and he saw movement near it. Walking closer, he was shocked to see it not to be the occasional rabid wolf or fox, but dragons! It wasnt just one dragon, but two, and good healthy ones at that.Shiocko was immediately afraid. These might be part of the group he was looking for, but could he approach them? The voice inside whispered : no... how could you trust such bad instinct? You know what happens when you reach other dragons....

 

But he came close. The voice inside him assailed him with insults, warnings. But he wobbled on. His skeletal appearance seemed to move jerkily up towards them, not stopping. Not now. He was close, much closer to any dragon than he had ever been before. Scared and feverish, he opened his mouth, attempting to speak....

 

Then he was assaulted by the nature inside him with a barrage of blows.

 

He would never be sure if it was truly the second person residing in him which caused it, or the lack of water and malnutrition. Maybe it was the endless wandering, searching. Maybe it was all of them. But whatever the case, it caused the exact same thing to happen. Nausea made his mind swirl, riddled by the searing pain which seemed to have been suddenly awakened by his ankle. He roared in agony, which shuddered through every nerve. Pain, bright and acute, drove his consciousness to decide to stop his misery. Darkness greeted him, open arms beckoning. A smile upon it's grim face, a gesture of welcome as it stood upon the eerie doorstep.

Edited April 5, 2012 by Lycanblood

[Lycanblood]

How was that?

[octopi]

Man. I kind of wonder how I ever got accepted into this RP.

 

Which group are you talking about? Lacrymossin and Ther'ull are near a river, fishing, but there are only two of them. The rest of us are beside the Stone Thicket in the Petrified Forest and nowhere near a river.

[Lycanblood]

Ahhhh I was reading the last post, and I saw it was near a creek. Shall I edit?

[Shapeshifting dragon Cyrus]

...I feel very ashamed now...

 

You definitely have writing skill, I'll give you that! I'd say just edit it a little to fit only lacrymossin and ther'ull being at the creek, you can join with us until we get to the group.

[Lycanblood]

Thank you.

I have edited the post.

I noticed that the Rp has sort of stopped, and I am not even sure the other members are active anymore. WHen will kronos open it again?

[octopi]

Meh, Kronos has done this once before. There's a rule that he(she?)'s the only one who's allowed to advance the plot, so we can't really do anything right now.

[Shapeshifting dragon Cyrus]

Yeah, it stinks, sort of. I wish he would at least say: "I'm leaving guys, I'll be back in a week!" before he left, instead of his: "sorry I've been gone for a week!" after the fact. Oh well, we don't know why he left, so we can't judge him for it.

 

P.S. I just say "he". Some people request that you use "they" but I'm not gonna adress one person with a plural.

Edited April 5, 2012 by Shapeshifting dragon Cyrus

[Lycanblood]

The wait is killing me!!!!!! D:

[Lycanblood]

How irritating.

Writing a whole post for the RP...then finding it dead.Great job.

[Shapeshifting dragon Cyrus]

-awaits the day that the great Kronosdragon returns to liberate his fallen RP-