Dove empty art thread.

[G-Dove]

EMPTY!

 

I might start working on a story but probably not.

Edited September 3, 2011 by G-Dove

[Stunningfire]

Short, but it's a good start. Hooks me in. :>

[G-Dove]

not finished, my story's in the past have had really short chapters, but this one doesn't, I'm typing it right now....

Edited October 26, 2010 by G-Dove

[Stunningfire]

No finishes?

[G-Dove]

No finishes?

typo, ment not finished

[Stunningfire]

Well, of course. I don't think anyone types up a story that's three sentences long. X3

[Dr. Paine]

Well, of course. I don't think anyone types up a story that's three sentences long. X3

Actually, you'd be amazed by some flash fiction.

 

Ever hear of 'For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn'?

[Stunningfire]

Nope.

 

But really, it would be a one-chapter story just containing:

The dachshund with the black fur had brown eye-brows, brown paws and brown on the tip of her muzzle. Her eyes were also brown, but a deeper, darker brown. Her name was Lucy.

Lucy lived with the Garret family.

 

Also, Dove, you're kind of repetetive with 'Lucy' and 'Daisy.' ^^"

[RheaZen]

Actually, you'd be amazed by some flash fiction.

 

Ever hear of 'For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn'?

http://readerswords.wordpress.com/2007/09/...shortest-story/

[Stunningfire]

/applause

 

No chapter one though. X3

[Dr. Paine]

http://readerswords.wordpress.com/2007/09/...shortest-story/

That's ten. Baby Shoes is six.

 

Anyway, I'll post some crit/opinion/whatever once there's more to this x3

 

One thing I'll say now- just lose the chapters. This can actually go for almost everyone who writes on this forum, as the stories are best read as one piece. If you go through a MAJOR transition (like several weeks, character death), then another section/chapter is appropriate, but that's about it. Otherwise, it's an unnecessary addition that gets to be annoying in the same vein as run on sentences or purple prose.

Edited October 26, 2010 by Dr. Paine

[Stunningfire]

I use chapters merely because it's easier for the reader to leave off. Good stopping point, etc. And partly because I have a lot of places where it's weird if there isn't a stopping point there, some kind of break.

[RheaZen]

That's ten. Baby Shoes is six.

 

Anyway, I'll post some crit/opinion/whatever once there's more to this x3

 

One thing I'll say now- just lose the chapters. This can actually go for almost everyone who writes on this forum, as the stories are best read as one piece. If you go through a MAJOR transition (like several weeks, character death), then another section/chapter is appropriate, but that's about it. Otherwise, it's an unnecessary addition that gets to be annoying in the same vein as run on sentences or purple prose.

Ah, true. I do prefer the dinosaur one, though.

 

Agreed on the chapters part, though. It can be really irritating to try reading something with a lot of breaks in it.

[G-Dove]

Lucy is the main character, and it was still in the introducing Daisy part....

[Stunningfire]

I mean like:

Her name was Lucy.

Lucy lived with the Garret family.

and

Her name was Daisy. Daisy was a wise old dog.

See what I mean?

[RheaZen]

The spaces are unnecessary. The whole of what you have right now would be better off condensed into one block. By doing so, you remove the need to keep using the characters' names.

 

Do note, pronouns keep the human brain from overheating. Seriously. Do use them.

 

*Waits for more*

[Dr. Paine]

The spaces are unnecessary. The whole of what you have right now would be better off condensed into one block. By doing so, you remove the need to keep using the characters' names.

 

Do note, pronouns keep the human brain from overheating. Seriously. Do use them.

 

*Waits for more*

They also avoid the list/See Jane Run issue that makes people head/desk and find something else.

[RheaZen]

Kay, now...

 

Your sentences are rather truncated. Longer and more complex sentences would make the story less of something for little kids just learning to read. Example:

 

The other dog was a light brown she-dog. The she-dog had a white muzzle and a white chest.

 

The other dog was a light brown she-dog with a white muzzle and chest.

 

etc. to other various short sentence groups.

 

Also, various grammatical errors. Ex:

 

She had been living with the Garrets many long years,

 

Should be

 

She had been living with the Garrets for many years,

 

(The "long" just made it sound awkward).

[G-Dove]

Back!! Yay!!

Edited October 27, 2010 by G-Dove

[Stunningfire]

Yes, I agree with Rhea; many of your sentences are pretty short and choppy. I suggest you connect some.

[G-Dove]

Bump Bump Bump

[Stunningfire]

I want a fursona!

My fav color: Blue

2nd fav color: Green

3d fav color(may not be used): Purple

Accessorys I wear often IRL: A cross necklace, maybe a emerald or diamond necklace/choker, watch

Likes(things or things to do): Uh, role-playing, animals [especially cats and wolves], dragons...

Other: I dunno?

Thankies!

[RheaZen]

Why'd you remove the story?

[Stunningfire]

Probably because she didn't want to continue it?

[G-Dove]

yes Sf's right. I'll work on yours later, i comp grounded right now, i'll do it when i get back.