Q&A: Questions and Answers

[Ruins]

Try downloading and running malwarebytes (free). If there's a nasty, it'll find it.

 

Then try disc cleanup, which will clear out LOADS of junk, in case you are plain FULL. And defrag, of course....

I have Zonealarm and Avira already; I think I downloaded one when I didn't want to pay £16 for Malwyrebytes... I think it was a free trail version, or maybe I'm remembering wrong.

 

I looked at the error page and I think it said something about the graphics card, but whenever I Google that it comes up with video drives instead...

[Fuzzbucket]

I have Zonealarm and Avira already; I think I downloaded one when I didn't want to pay £16 for Malwyrebytes... I think it was a free trail version, or maybe I'm remembering wrong.

 

I looked at the error page and I think it said something about the graphics card, but whenever I Google that it comes up with video drives instead...

malwarebytes is FREE.

 

If it weren't I wouldn't have it

 

http://download.cnet.com/Malwarebytes-Anti...4-10804572.html (my preferred download site for everything !)

 

Most AV programmes don't bother with a lot of the stuff malwarebytes ferrets out (mind you IT doesn't bother with cookies - but I've set my (free) AVG to do that bit !)

 

Try downloading the latest drives for your graphics card then ? Go into your control panel > system > hardware > device manager > the hardware tab - click on your card and go for update driver.... (found under the Action button)

 

 

 

[Ruins]

malwarebytes is FREE.

 

If it weren't I wouldn't have it

 

http://download.cnet.com/Malwarebytes-Anti...4-10804572.html (my preferred download site for everything !)

 

Most AV programmes don't bother with a lot of the stuff malwarebytes ferrets out (mind you IT doesn't bother with cookies - but I've set my (free) AVG to do that bit !)

 

Try downloading the latest drives for your graphics card then ? Go into your control panel > system > hardware > device manager > the hardware tab - click on your card and go for update driver.... (found under the Action button)

Does this work on a Toshiba with Windows 7? (Sorry, should have mentioned that before...)

 

EDIT: It says it's up to date... Odd. I must be reading something wrong. Argh. Sorry for wasting your time...

Edited September 30, 2012 by Ruins

[Fuzzbucket]

Does this work on a Toshiba with Windows 7? (Sorry, should have mentioned that before...)

 

EDIT: It says it's up to date... Odd. I must be reading something wrong. Argh. Sorry for wasting your time...

You aren't wasting my time. You are SUFFERING ! I've had lengthy help here; we are a nice friendly lot after all !

 

Have you tried disc cleanup (I have never tried it on Windows 7, as my machine is XP - but I can go look at SO's lappie soon if you need...) Or malwarebytes now that you KNOW it is free ? there's also Ashampoo for cleaning stuff up... I can try dig up a free link... (there is also CCleaner, but I did once have an issue with that and now it makes me nervous...)

 

Still - good that the driver is up to date.

[Ruins]

You aren't wasting my time. You are SUFFERING ! I've had lengthy help here; we are a nice friendly lot after all !

 

Have you tried disc cleanup (I have never tried it on Windows 7, as my machine is XP - but I can go look at SO's lappie soon if you need...) Or malwarebytes now that you KNOW it is free ? there's also Ashampoo for cleaning stuff up... I can try dig up a free link... (there is also CCleaner, but I did once have an issue with that and now it makes me nervous...)

 

Still - good that the driver is up to date.

Well, I managed to update SOMETHING and downloaded Malwyrebytes. That didn't detect anything, but here's hoping...

 

Thanks for your help.

[Fuzzbucket]

Good luck....

[Ruins]

I think Malwyrebytes is stopping my iPod Touch from synching and I can't seem to add it to my Ignore list...

[Princess Kiara]

Hello guys! And girls I have been homeschooled all my life, in the US. Then I moved to Mexico (had to, with my family). I speak perfect Spanish...so that's not a problem, but here I'm going to school for the first time in my life! And I'm 15 Thankfully, no one picks on me because of that. I'm at the head of every class and I feel that I have become the pet of at least four teachers.

I wonder, though: Since here in Mexico it is the custom to greet your friends with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, is it OK for me to occasionally hug my (female) teachers? I know it's allowed, since I've hugged the principal (with permission lol) and the psychologist, and I hug the geography teacher in greeting. She treats me more like a friend than like a student, is two inches shorter than me even though I'm not tall at all, and is so nice that I'm going to invite her over to my house so she can meet my mom and watch a movie. Is it OK for me to greet her with a hug?

I prefer the teachers' company to that of my fellow students because they talk about intelligent subjects (what do I care who's sleeping with who, to quote Sherlock Holmes) and don't laugh at my mistakes. My English teacher is a different story-I still have to take English, but she hates my guts and kicked me from her class. Nice teacher! But the geography teacher is really nice!

I hugged her for the first time three days ago when she had a really bad cold and headache but had to come into class anyway to explain what we would be doing on the field trip the next day. The class was being even more obnoxious than usual, so after class I went up to her and gave her a quick hug.

Any input here?

Thanks!

-PK.

Edited September 30, 2012 by Princess Kiara

[TikindiDragon]

My computer keeps randomly BSODing - three times within the last week and many more times within the last month. Whenever I Google for answers what I get is always so complex and reliant on things I've never heard of before I don't know what to do. I'm nearly computer illitirate and I'm worried I might have a virus or a Trojan or something horrible like that. They recommend uninstalling the last programme to be installed, but I don't want to go through Steam's 11 hour installation wait again or have to give up playing Team Fortress 2...

 

What can I do to stop it?

90% of blue-screens are hardware problems. Step one would be to download the newest drivers for your graphics card, and update the ones you are currently using.

[Fuzzbucket]

It certainly wouldn't be OK in the UK, where hugging BY teachers (and this would fit into that, sadly) is grounds for them to be disciplined for inappropriate behaviour. YES it is insane. But it is to minimise the risk of child abuse. SO - a teacher of little tiny kids (5 and 6 years old) I know had a child in her class who had just seen her mother killed by a truck. The family all agreed she'd be better off at school than at home, but this kind of nonsense (teachers MAY NOT touch a child, basically !) meant that technically they couldn't hug her or take her on their knee for a cuddle. (NO, of course they didn't stick to the law - but if they'd been seen.... possible dismissal and even a court case. Insane.)

 

Be careful.....

 

(I am a serial hugger and will hug anyone I like - but I am 67 years old and NOT a teacher !)

Edited September 30, 2012 by fuzzbucket

[Fuzzbucket]

90% of blue-screens are hardware problems. Step one would be to download the newest drivers for your graphics card, and update the ones you are currently using.

 

Ruins just did that...

 

(BTW this is not a double post - socky seems to have merged something and made it look that way ! I just had to edit as now my earlier post made no sense !!!)

Edited September 30, 2012 by fuzzbucket

[Princess Kiara]

I just really enjoy my teacher's company. So I hug her. And the principal, too...they are nice people...

[Obscure_Trash]

Same for the US. We can't stop kids from hugging us, but we're supposed to basically side hug at an appropriate height and try to discourage them from hugging us (don't initiate it, don't let them hug you for too long, etc.). No idea in Mexico, though. If you're worried about it, asking your teachers/principle would be a good way to get an answer. "I'm a hugger and I'm grateful for the hard work you do, but I don't want to get you in trouble. Is me hugging you okay or should I try to cut back on it?"

[Fuzzbucket]

I just really enjoy my teacher's company. So I hug her. And the principal, too...they are nice people...

Yes - so would I have - but these days it can get silly. You had permission to hug the principal though - so maybe Mexico is a bit more SENSIBLE.... If so - way to go Mexico !

[Princess Kiara]

Oh, I don't mean as in hugging being against the rules, since it's not. I mean as in its being...IDK, weird. My mom's afraid I'll run into a gay teacher (since I only hug the women). I don't hug the men, nor do I intend to, although I occasionally get pats on the back from them (or in the case of the history teacher, messy hair LOL). I don't ever hug with any intention other than the intentions you would have when embracing a friend, but my mom is afraid some teachers might get the wrong idea...

...Since the culture is different here though and hug-greetings are normal among friends...

[Kestra15]

Oh, I don't mean as in hugging being against the rules, since it's not. I mean as in its being...IDK, weird. My mom's afraid I'll run into a gay teacher (since I only hug the women). I don't hug the men, nor do I intend to, although I occasionally get pats on the back from them (or in the case of the history teacher, messy hair LOL). I don't ever hug with any intention other than the intentions you would have when embracing a friend, but my mom is afraid some teachers might get the wrong idea...

...Since the culture is different here though and hug-greetings are normal among friends...

Speaking as a teacher from the UK I have to say that it's not okay, simply because (as pointed out) we can get into a lot of trouble for it, even if the pupil initiates it and it is well-meaning. No doubt they'd appreciate the gesture, but the amount of trouble we can get in no matter how innocent the gesture means that it would give the teacher a heart attack half the time.

 

Some teachers are okay with it, some aren't, and certainly female pupil-female teacher hugs are the most acceptable of the lot, but it is safest not to.

[Princess Kiara]

I know they won't get into trouble, not here in Mexico at least, because I've gotten permission to hug even the principal and I saw a girl give the vice principal a hug to try to convince him to let her switch buses. I'm worried though because I really want the geography teacher to be my friend (she is very nice)...but I don't want her to think I'm weird or anything!

[St. Jimmy]

Does anyone know how to change the pressure sensitivity in PSE 8? I'm using a wacom bamboo tablet and the drivers are updated.

 

EDIT: Never mind, it fixed itself. My tablet likes being stubborn sometimes.

Edited October 2, 2012 by St. Jimmy

[Obscure_Trash]

Oh, I don't mean as in hugging being against the rules, since it's not. I mean as in its being...IDK, weird. My mom's afraid I'll run into a gay teacher (since I only hug the women). I don't hug the men, nor do I intend to, although I occasionally get pats on the back from them (or in the case of the history teacher, messy hair LOL). I don't ever hug with any intention other than the intentions you would have when embracing a friend, but my mom is afraid some teachers might get the wrong idea...

...Since the culture is different here though and hug-greetings are normal among friends...

Sounds like your mom has already given you an answer and you should probably listen to her rather than asking us.

[Princess Kiara]

My mom is...strange lol. She thinks I go around hugging everyone which is obviously not the case...

Besides she didn't say I couldn't hug them, she just said to be careful...whatever that means lol.

[TikindiDragon]

My mom is...strange lol. She thinks I go around hugging everyone which is obviously not the case...

Besides she didn't say I couldn't hug them, she just said to be careful...whatever that means lol.

She means watch out for yourself, and them, and think about what could happen if things went badly.

[Obscure_Trash]

Disclaimer: I'm not a parent, but I have been put in charge of children since I was fairly young and have been paid to be in charge of children (community center, worked at one for four summers now).

 

Because there's really no thread for this, I'd like to ask some of the many parents of DC what they think about discipline in Q&A. I was reading this article here :

 

http://imom.com/parenting/tweens/parenting...e-consequences/

 

...and many of the comments were surprising. I myself thought that the methods of punishment were fair and, indeed, creative. Were I still babysitting my brother and sister, I would use some of these methods myself.

 

But some people consider the punishments harsh, or even abusive. I don't see what about them could be abusive, or drive a child the rebellion or even drugs later in life, considering there's no "hands on" form of punishment taking place. Surely some of the people who think this is abusive are the people who think that spankings are horrible, or are the people whose children are horror stories for people without children. (Ex. - The kids in the store throwing a fit, the kids in the restaurant misbehaving badly, the kids who are bullies to other people's kids.)

 

What do some of you parents think about this? To discipline or not to discipline?

First just wanted to address this:

 

Surely some of the people who think this is abusive are the people who think that spankings are horrible

 

The problem is that spanking has been used to lead to much more abusive methods and every child is different. Shiny posted a few examples one time of kids having different reactions to spankings. One did wasn't affected or even liked them? One kid was bruised really easily and looked awful after a spanking. Another kid was just encouraged to live in fear and didn't learn anything from spankings.

 

I was spanked and my sister was spanked and my mom was spanked, so yes, I think that spankings are okay and work for some kids sometimes, but I'm not going to say that everyone should be spanked or that spanking can't be horrible or disagree with someone who refuses to use spanking as a method of discipline. I will also say that I think there is always a way to teach a kid without spanking them.

 

And this:

 

people whose children are horror stories for people without children. (Ex. - The kids in the store throwing a fit, the kids in the restaurant misbehaving badly, the kids who are bullies to other people's kids.)

 

Many of those kids are a result of:

-parents not disciplining at all

-absent parents (both work long hours or divorced and both have to work, for example)

-parents who don't know how to properly discipline

 

Tips like these aren't likely to help those parents, anyway. And the absent parent can often feel bad disciplining their children when they barely get to see them - who wants to be the parent who only spends an hour with their children and then disciplines them within that one hour?

 

So yeah, some of the people arguing against these probably are people who just don't believe in discipline at all, but I just wanted to point out there are other reasons for kids turning out like that. And, of course, I didn't list them all, either. Some kids are just more unruly than others, for example.

 

~

 

I think most of the comments agree with you. I only saw really one that went as extreme as your example. However, I think this comment hit the nail on the head:

 

It is not a matter of having them do chores, it is a matter of the language used in this post that is off putting. Assuming your child is lazy and haphazard is very damaging to a young psyche. To have consequences to actions is not the issue, it is the reaction applied to the behavior of your child that is concerning.

 

First, yes, children need disciplined, but I think three things should always be emphasized when giving tips for discipline and I did not see either of these things said.

1) The punishment should fit the wrongdoing. If you spank your child for not eating their vegetables and spank them for stealing, what are you teaching them?

2) Anytime you discipline your child, you should always, always, always talk with them afterwards/during (whenever is best depending on the situation) about why what they did was wrong and about how they can do it better (prompting them to think of these answers).

3) Every child is different and will require different consequences. Different situations will require different consequences. If something doesn't work, don't assume your child is just "bad" - try a different method of dealing with it.

 

Here's what really set the tone of the article for me:

 

Make a homemade "Correction" can and fill it with tickets or slips of paper with various consequences written on them. Instead of giving your child a time-out, send her to the can for a slip. A few ideas might include no TV or computer for a night, early bedtime, or an extra chore. Toss in a blank piece of paper, a "mercy" ticket. This gives you an opportunity to talk about how God gives us mercy even when we deserve punishment.

 

I realize this is the type of site it's on, but this just kind of tainted all the punishments for me. I couldn't get the picture out of my head of the type of strict, uber religious parent who is simply trying to raise obedient worker ants to grow up, marry, and spread God's word. The type of person who shoot's their teenager's laptop, rants about how ungrateful their child is, and then uploads it to YouTube. And, as my friend said for this one: "all that teaches them is that discipline is arbitrary, unfair, and likely won't fit the 'crime'".

 

You're right - there are some genuinely good suggestions here (time ins and the codeword, for example), but for me, that suggestion kind of tainted the whole article for me. I saw the suggestions from the eyes of someone who just wanted to control their kids rather than teach them.

 

One I didn't agree with:

 

If your child likes to stomp off to his room or stomp around in anger, send him outside to the driveway and tell him to stomp his feet for one minute. He'll be ready to quit after about 15 seconds, but make him stomp even harder.

 

Kids could genuinely hurt themselves doing this and even as someone who agrees that there are some children who just need spanked sometimes and who is okay with making kids do exercises when they're too hyper, I am not a fan of this. I think it's harmful to the child. I understand the point it's trying to get across, but I'm sure there's a better way.

 

Also, this one, the language comes across bad:

 

The same goes for throwing fits. Tell your child to go to her room to continue her fit. She isn't allowed to come out and she has to keep crying for 10 minutes. Ten minutes is an awfully long time, and it's no fun if your parents tell you to cry.

 

How is a kid supposed to force themselves to cry for 10 minutes? What are you going to do, shout at your kid to cry?

 

It's these suggestions that come off as the parents being a bit...vengeful, I guess? which could turn off some people away from the suggestions as a whole.

 

Here's another example:

 

When one of my children is acting disrespectful, disobedient, or defiant, I will instruct him or her to choose a chore from the Job Jar. The jobs include scrubbing the toilet, organizing the pots and pans, moving and vacuuming underneath the furniture, weeding the garden, matching up odd socks, defrosting the refrigerator, and cleaning the closet, garage, or under the bed. And those are just a few possibilities. You could add ironing, vacuuming the refrigerator coils, scrubbing the inside of small wastebaskets, polishing the silver, cleaning the window wells, brushing the animals, cleaning the fireplace, shaking the kitchen rugs, vacuuming the couch, alphabetizing the spices, and using wood cleaner on the dining room chairs. Not only does the Job Jar help to get my house clean, but it also keeps my little ones from complaining that they're bored. They know that with the Job Jar, Mom will always have an antidote for boredom.

 

Going to address this in two parts.

 

First - I'm sorry, but when my sister was having one of her fits of disobedience or defiance just telling her to go choose a chore from the Job Jar wouldn't have achieved jack crap. I think this is like an after consequence. It does nothing to address how to deal with your children when they aren't listening - something a lot of these suggestions do. They assume obedience whenever you open your mouth without addressing how to get a child to calm down before you can even get to this point.

 

So assuming that you can just tell a child to hop off and do whatever when they're being disobedient comes across as...well, they're not really being disobedient at the moment, are they? Are you employing the right tactic with this suggestion? Is it time for this suggestion? Have they actually disobeyed?

 

Second - yes, when your child has complained incessantly about boredom even after actual suggestions of what to do, you get to a point where you do just want to assign them a chore. However assigning them a chore whenever they say they're bored?

 

What about family time!?!? Does this family do any activities together? Do the parents play with the children? A lot of times, a child is just looking for some time together with the person they're telling that they're bored. It's unfair to punish them because they love you.

 

So yes, parents need to discipline their children. Some of these are even either tactics I've used at the community center or are similar to something I've done. (A child who has just started a fight will sit in time out until they can control themselves enough to stop crying, because we will not listen to someone who just hit another kid cry because they don't want to be in trouble. If my group is more hyper, I'll switch to a more active game and vise versa - but this is not a punishment, it's a kindness to what the kids want to do. Often with the older kids, if they keep speaking up over staff or they won't listen to the staff, they have to write something along the lines of "I will listen to my staff" x number of times. A child who is having a temper tantrum will be told to get themselves under control and then will be ignored until they stop or will be put in time out until they have calmed down.) But, I think the comment I quoted way up way said it - the language of the article is kind of off-putting, so even the good suggestions can seem kind of cruel, although I wouldn't go so far as to predict that it would drive a child to drugs or anything.

 

All that being said, I do want to add a fourth thing to my list of what should be talked about when giving tips on discipline.

4) Encourage and reward good behavior. If you're only really reacting when a child does bad, why would you expect them to stop acting bad? They want your attention, so make sure they get it when they've done something good!

 

EDIT: Didn't like the way I worded something. Feexed.

 

Also, this turned out really long and I'm impressed anybody got through it. x3

 

Thanks, fuzzikins. <3

Edited October 2, 2012 by SockPuppet Strangler

[Fuzzbucket]

I am a parent and a grandparent, and while spanking is and always was a no-no with us, with the rest of what Socky has said, I agree. What counts MOST is thinking about what you are doing as a parent.

 

Sock - you will be a fab mother one day Don't fight it !!

[Kestra15]

But some people consider the punishments harsh, or even abusive.

A 25yr old man batters his 6yr old son black and blue just because he didn't want to go to bed is abusive.

 

The problem with physical punishment is boundaries. How much is too much? My father certainly did too much; I remember one night he told me to put my book down and go to sleep. I was enjoying my book, didn't want to go to bed, but gave him a look and started putting the book down. Next thing I knew, I had been flung from the top bunk into the cupboard the other side of the room and having my dad really tear into me about 'giving him crap-stares.' It went from a quick slap across the backside, to being tanned until my ass was bruised to hell where he'd canned me with a wooden spoon. He'd cracked my brother across the back of the legs with a pole once. He chucked me down a hill at 16yrs old and broke my wrist, and the worst thing was that it was for no reason.

 

I do not believe physical forms of punishment are effective. You just come away feeling like you have learnt nothing but anger and violence, and the effects can take a long time to be felt. It's only the last two years that those issues have really kicked off, that I am now the physically-violent one when I am angry. I am terrified of being around children because I don't know how to communicate with them, because the man I looked to as a child taught me that adult males are angry, scary things that are to be feared and will hit you if you so much as breath at the wrong moment.

 

Children should be punished for bad behaviour. I do not doubt that; I'm a teacher, I'd have loved to have been able to actually punish my students rather than just have to let them continue being little buggers. But I do not think spanking is the answer.

 

Now yes, you can argue that there's a difference between spanking and what I ended up with. But it started with slaps on the wrist or the backside. Then my dad started using a wooden spoon to spank us with. Then it went to being hit rather hard with the spoon. Several times in a row. And it went from being getting a spank for nearly running out in front of a car, or trying to push my brother around, to being little things. Looking at him 'the wrong way.' Not wanting to read the book he wants, because I'm more interested in the novels I chose. Cycling on the pavement to avoid a car speeding at me.

 

Once you get used to being physical, it's so easy to slip. I used to hit the desk in frustration. The last time I lost my temper, I nearly hit my girlfriend with the office chair as I launched it across the apartment. I have a scar on my right hand where I punched a mirror and it shattered all over my hand. You don't realise it until someone points it out to you, or it gets to the point where you get hurt - emotionally more than physically.

 

So yes, it is abusive to hit a child. There should be no reason to do so.

[demonicvampiregirl]

So yes, it is abusive to hit a child. There should be no reason to do so.

But sometimes it is a necessary form of punishment. One of my friends has a kid that doesn't listen very well and she will crack him a crossed his butt when he acts up. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. The kid nearly took out my dads TV with a pair of scissors he flung up in the air and behind him. Came within about a foot or so from hitting it.

 

Just yelling at them or talking to them doesn't work all the time. They need to be punished somehow and sometimes smacking there little butts is the only way to do it.

 

Child not eating their dinner/veggies? Make them sit there until they do. I was once made to do that... It didn't work on me, and didn't work on my brother or sister because my mother relented after about 5 minutes of complaining.

 

I think if the kid has actually tried it and doesn't like it, they shouldn't be forced into it. I don't eat things I don't like so why should I force them into it?

Edited October 2, 2012 by demonicvampiregirl