Reader for Hire (though I'm free) (CLOSED)

[Zovesta]

I see quite a few people complaining about people not reading their stories, and in this day and age, people getting others to read their work is a hard task. I'm an aspiring writer myself, and I can understand the frustration of writing a story you love so much, then not getting any sort of feedback or help with it.

 

That's why I'm here.

 

I'm not the best at reviewing, but at least I'm someone. *shrug* You fill out the form below and in a week at the very most (probably a day only) I'll have read your work and I'll type up a reply. It will always be critique. And it will be proportional to your work, at least. For every hundred words you type up, I'll type five. So if you have a thousand word story, my reply will be at least two hundred words.

 

I'm open to reading anything, but I am a huge fan of fantasy. But I need to broaden my horizons. *sips random cup of tea* So shoot.

 

Form:

 

Author: (your username)

Title: (title of your work)

Genre: (the genre is the type of book it is: fantasy, sci-fi, romance, comedy, etc)

Description: (a synopsis of your story)

Rating: (is it for kids, teenagers, adults, etc? Next to the rating [G, PG-13, and R] put the "harsh" parts next to it. For example: PG-13. Swearing and some gore.)

What you want me to look out for: (is there a particular thing you want me to look out for? Like signs of a Mary-Sue, etc?)

Length: (exactly how many words it is)

Link: (link to story)

Notes: (anything you want to add?)

 

Waiting List:

 

Sceptile100

 

 

I'll be waiting.

Edited January 4, 2011 by Zovesta

[Googleplaxin]

Author: Googleplaxin

Title: As of yet, untitled. Though, 'The Hunted' may work nicely.

Genre: Action/fantasy and a pinch of romance and humor.

Description: In the not too distant future, 9 Teens are kidnapped and taken to a unknown, frightening place. Strapped down and innoculated with strange vials of an unknown liquid (which has strange, damaging effects later on...ooo, suspense), the teens are then dumped into the wilderness, where they become the hunted.

Rating: I'd say 13-15 and over...theres a fair bit of gore further in, and a buttload of swearing.

What you want me to look out for: A mary-sue? I'd like just a general readthrough, with a few crits. My writing style is...unique. From what i've heard, its good, but people are lovely and will say nice things 95% of the time. x)

Length: 6,206, though this is only including the first three chapters. Its most definitely a work in progress. Updates will be posted in the thread linked below.

Notes: Ummm...i hope its not too terrible ^-^'

 

[- Link -]

 

 

[Zovesta]

So that'll be about a 311 reply. ^^ Thanks for adding the link, I knew I was forgetting something...

 

Today I have to go into town (I wasn't expecting anyone to reply so fast ) but I'll have the review up today.

[Googleplaxin]

Cool beans TDTC. I hope it doesn't burn your eyes too much.

[StormofNight]

I haven't created a thread yet, because I haven't quite finished the prologue. But i'll change the last couple of things when I can

 

Author: StormofNight

Title: Gift or Curse?

Genre: Fantasy! I love fantasy.

Description: You'll probably get it from the prologue, its about a normal girl, who is given a gift by ... not telling Plot secret. This gift takes the form of a changed body, and wings. She's different now, and she's has to learn to live with it, with not being human. But perhaps, she doesn't have to deal with it on this world, the world of humans and technology.

Rating: PG-13 I'd guess, a little swearing, censored out, obviously, a little blood, near the end. Some romance. I'd recommened for more the teenagers+.

What you want me to look out for: Everything! I'm not a very good writer

Length: 274 words so far (prologue only), not including the title + other stuff.

Link: Here

Notes: It's a first person chatty sort of dialogue. Ever read Maximum Ride? A bit like that. Talks to the reader, I like that style, but I can do third person and non chatty first person, but I want to practise this style.

Edited May 10, 2010 by StormofNight

[Dr. Paine]

Author: Dr. Paine

Title: No collective title, I just call it 'the Portal fic'

Genre: Sci-fi.

Description: Portal fanfic, really exploring the characters.

Rating: PG-13- some blood and the occasional f/s bomb. Absolutely no romance though.

What you want me to look out for: I want to know what you think about the characters, more than anything else. I also want to know how the perspective change in chapter 9 worked out, and if it gave you a better grasp on Chell's character.

Length: 14433, but don't pad it out. If you don't have much to say, it's fine, just say it

Link: The main story and a semi-chapter.

Notes: While it is a Portal fanfiction, it's been a project of mine for ages that I need to get back into I usually get motivated after hearing new opinions on it, so... yeah.

Edited May 10, 2010 by Dr. Paine

[Zovesta]

Googleplaxin: Well, ok, finished reading all that you posted so far and it's good. Very good. Though I have a horrible fear of branding, so it was very hard to get through.

 

The characters are alright so far, and the plot is great. Though I must point out that I'm a little confused at the white, white teeth Fly has. >_> I mean... I'm a country girl. You basically summed up me when you summed up her (except for height and hair). You need to pay to get your teeth so brilliantly white. Most people have slightly yellowed teeth. Why can't she have those?

I found a lot of grammar and spelling errors, sadly. I'll post the ones I found.

 

When talking, it is typed like this:

 

"Hello, Mary, " John said.

 

John said, "Hello, Mary."

 

That was a consistent error and I figured I'd tell you. For the rest, you are missing commas, or have them in the wrong place. Like

 

"well how the hell do they know"

Should be "well, how the hell do they know".

 

And "I gathered up the branding iron, and various syringes from the multitude of cabinets."

There should be no comma before the and. You only put a comma when listing things when there's three or more. If he had a hat that he picked up as well, it would go like this: I gathered up the branding iron, various syringes from the multitude of cabinets, and my faded hat.

 

You also seem to have the "your" vs. "you're" problem. Remember, you're is a contraction of YOU and ARE. It's is IT and IS. Your is possessive, its is possessive.

I also found a few spots where you forgot to capitalize your I.

 

"I gathered up the branding iron, and various syringes from the multitude of cabinets. My station ready, I looked around. The scruffy guy from the hall was in here too. And my work mates, Paul and Mark. I could feel the tension rise as we heard the frightened screams and yells of protest from this years stock. I licked my lips. More people filed into the room. Spectators."

This paragraph itself was a laundry list. It's nothing but action, and that makes for a boring read. Try spicing it up.

 

"cain't"

Typo.

 

"the nasty messy ***"

Lack of comma is a crime. D: "the nasty, messy *" In writing, you can put a comma inbetween two lists as long as there is no "and". It's like the replacement of "and".

 

"ran 9 terrified"

Try not to use numbers. The rule is that you can't use the number unless it's above ten, but I prefer to just type it all out because it flows better and looks smoother.

 

"loose, a breakaway"

This would flow better if it was "loose, as a breakaway"

 

"I squared up"

This one honestly had me confused. Don't you mean "sized up"?

 

"this ones yours"

Lack of apostrophe with "one's". It's ONE and IS, after all.

 

"This guy had obviously put up a good fight."

How does he/she know it was a good fight? He hasn't seen the guys that had to put up with him injured, has he? Given the lack of empathy, I'd doubt he'd say "good fight". Just remove the good.

 

"He had grey eyes, hard eyes"

I see you're trying to put emphasize on how the eyes are hard, but "grey, hard eyes" would work better.

 

"Mate, if you’re going to pick a fight does it when your hands aren't cuffed."

"Does" instead of "do".

 

"I turned to walk to the next kid, but then spun around quickly, the muscles in my shoulder tensing. I slammed a punch into his face."

A little bit forced. If you're going to emphasize how fast he did it, it would be in one sentence. Breaking it up like that just makes it stick out like a sore thumb, which gives you the impression that it's slower because it's a new sentence. At the end of each sentence you pause, so...

 

"'Shut up *,' "

When you are referring to someone, you put a comma before/after the name, depending on the context. Examples:

 

Hello, Sally.

Sally, good morning!

Good morning, Sally!

Sally, my assistant, grabbed me a cup of coffee.

Sally, a girl no older than fourteen, is a coffee addict.

Sally sips her coffee.

Sipping her coffee, Sally turns to me.

Shut up, Sally.

 

Does that explain it well enough? Sorry. English never was my favorite subject. >_>

 

'"Oh god what now?' She asked, her voice filled with pain and fear. Tears ran down her face, but she still looked at me fiercely. "

Shouldn't she be in too much pain to speak? I've fallen down a flight of stairs about five times, and each time I couldn't say anything. Just sort of stagger over to a chair. I'd think she'd be in hysterics/too stunned to speak. Also, there should be a comma after "Oh god".

 

"It was quiet..Yes I’ll say it..too quiet. "

It made me laugh too much, sorry. >_> Maybe something more like "But it was eeriely silent and that sent a chill down my spine? Also, it was phrased oddly anyhow. It should have been "It was quiet... Yes, I'll say it, too quiet."

 

"Nature was going to mock my uncoordination."

Nothing actually wrong with this, I just wanted to point out that it made me laugh. Hehe

 

"Finally I stopped my crazy slide, and stood up."

Went a bit too quickly. I mean, it's like she just went through it with the "meh" face. She should feel something. >_>

 

"I looked at her, intently. I still hadn't actually seen her face. She had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They were brown, but light and rich like caramel. Deep and soft, her eyes drew me in. They were such gentle eyes. The caramel depths seemed to dance as she looked at me, seizing me up. "

Little too early to notice those details - your normally notice that stuff when you're calm and completely out of danger.

 

You probably get what I mean. Nice job, though, and it's a really interesting story. Don't take my work for it - look at your fanclub in the "Book" section.

 

 

StormofNight: Well, I enjoyed the story, and it makes me want to read more, but I did find some errors. Not so much with the story itself as the writing style. It's a fun writing style, and I can't help but get the feeling of some insane person curled up in a ball, high on drugs/caffiene and muttering this to themselves. With a few fixes.

 

The writing style, I noted, was a little awkward. It doesn't sound like a real person talking. What Paine said is basically what I mean, but you don't even need to change up that much. Just chop the run-on sentences and remove unessecary commas and you're good. I like the story, it's interesting so far.

 

I think invoking a little bit more emotion in your story might help, too. To do this, you simply change a few words that create a certain feel. For example:

 

She pointed at the cat.

 

vs.

 

She stabbed a finger in the cat's direction.

 

It gives you a change of mood, a little bit harsher of a feel. And that's good. Some of that into the story might work wonders. But, again, it's good and I look forward to the rest.

 

 

Paine: Alrighty, will read it tomorrow since I'm getting a little tired of analyzing. I've honestly never played Portal.

Edited May 11, 2010 by Zovesta

[Googleplaxin]

Thanks TDTC!

It is still in a draft stage, and was planning to run back through it with a finetoothed comb. Thanks for the heads up on the issues, i'll be going back and adding more substance this afternoon (;

[StormofNight]

Thanks, but I assure you, the first couple of chapters won't be as gripping as Google's. I'll try my best though

[Zovesta]

You have to keep trying.

 

Paine, getting on reading.

[StormofNight]

I've changed it a bit, or a lot I think it's better, if you thinks it's ok now, i'm going to try a chapter 1. I think i'm better at a less chatty style, but still first person. I like first person, I find it difficult to write in third.

 

Edit: I've started chapter 1. But it isn't finished.

Edited May 11, 2010 by StormofNight

[Verridith]

Will you do two?

 

Author: Verridith (Verridith here, Verridith there, Verridith everywhere!)

Title: Memories - Caele Agarwath

Genre: Fantasy

Description: The memories worth mentioning of a certain Dark Elf living in a world of sorrow. (I could do a better description but I dun feel like it. :'3)

Rating: PG-13 - some harshness as in lots of violence (Blazeh likes violence 8D) and some mild swearing.

What you want me to look out for: I've found I use 'like', 'was' and 'as' a lot, but I've been working on remedying that. Is there any other words I use too often? Run on sentences? Things that don't make sense?

Length: Um... ... 8'DDD? /checks in Word- Good question. (12,805; o____o; )

Link:

http://verridith.deviantart.com/art/Memori...2F10222022&qo=1 <-- part one.

http://verridith.deviantart.com/art/Memori...ath-2-156728390 <-- part two.

Notes: It was too long to submit to dA in one piece. o3o;;; Dooood. I write a lot. *D

Anyways, just wanted to add that I started this about a year and a half ago and finished it early this year. I tried editing the beginning so that it fit my current style, but I'm not sure if I did overly good. I'd like comments on that, if you please. c:

 

and~

 

Author: Verridith (duh )

Title: Memories - Jekt Shatteredsoul

Genre: Fantasy... again? Sorta romantic in the beginning 'cause I had to tell the story of lufferly Jekt and Zanna. But the latter isn't so much. C|

Description: First Memory is about his first love, Zanna, and what happened to her; second is tutorship under Zacyn, God of the Sun and Moon, and dealing with the beryl pendant that holds part of the God's soul, the thing that slowly tears his spirit apart.

Rating: PG-13 again. Violeeence. :3 And Martyr has quite the vocabulary.

What you want me to look out for: Same as above.

Length: 10,920. o:

Link:

http://verridith.deviantart.com/art/Memori...2F10222022&qo=2

Notes: I dun like the beginning at all. Dx

[Zovesta]

Sure.

 

I've been sort of busy, so I haven't gotten around to Paine's quite yet. </3

 

Storm: You want me to read the newest as well?

[EternalSpring]

Oooh. :3

 

I'm not sure how to do this; I haven't finished.

 

>>;

 

[Zovesta]

I don't only read finished works. I read any and all.

 

Paine: Could you please number your stories? I'm having a hard time. o3o So, until then, I'm gonna hafta read Ver's.

Edited May 13, 2010 by Zovesta

[EternalSpring]

I don't only read finished works. I read any and all.

 

Paine: Could you please number your stories? I'm having a hard time. o3o So, until then, I'm gonna hafta read Ver's.

Well, half of the info you want I cant fill out.

 

>>;

 

You can read what I have of it, so far, though?

 

here and here.

 

One's on forums, the other is the main place I update...

 

[Zovesta]

EternalSpring: Your story is 1,109 words long.

 

Well, I just finished reading it, and I enjoyed it. But I do have some problems with it. The emotions were a little bit unrealistic, but that might just tie in with the fact that it went way too quickly. Now, short chapters are a good thing to have in this modern age, but they were just plain TOO short. I couldn't get involved with the characters. I feel it would help a lot if you padded it out and worked on emotions, sights, smells, and hearing.

 

Please tell me when you write more, though!

 

Paine: Thanks for clearing that up. I'll start on yours.

 

Ver: My god. It's long. D|; Not that that's a bad thing it... just might take me a while to finish. It's about half the length of an actual novel when I combine your stories.

[StormofNight]

Can you please read it when i've finished it. I can see your busy, and if you read it now, i'll only get you to read it again later. That ok? Thankies

 

EDIT: Chapter 1 is now completed. It's quite short, but I like short, sharp chapters. I find it easier to pack more action in.

Edited May 13, 2010 by StormofNight

[Zovesta]

Sure.

 

I'll be in town today, so not much reading for me. o3o

[StormofNight]

Ok, cool. There's not much there anyway Have fun!

[Silverwatermist]

Hey Zovesta, I just want to say thanks so much for volunteering to read our stories and writings. You said you;re a writer, so you get how hard it can be to see how your story is coming along when you don't have friends who like to read or have the time to read

 

I recently finished writing a fantasy book that's about 500 pages in the word processor, and I've been looking into publishing it. However, I think the first few chapters needed re-working because they are VERY important when sending your book into a publisher. Many times publishers ask for the first three chapters, and if they like what they see, then they'll ask for more.

 

So I finished rewriting the first chapter the other day. I was curious if you would be interested in reading it? I don't have a link to post, so I would have to email it to you as an attachment, and I'm not sure if that was alright with you or not. Here's the form, I'll fill it out so you have an idea of what you're getting into

 

Author: Silverwatermist

Title: Forest

Genre: fantasy

Description: It seems a typical late summer day when four friends decide to take a walk in the woods. Until, that is, they randomly meet up with a few more of their friends. Then a few more. Not to mention, some of the group have vanished without a trace. They eventually realize that the place they are in is no ordinary woods when they meet a mysterious figure who looks awfully familiar, yet tells them they are in danger. What in the world is going on?

Rating: PG, some swearing

What you want me to look out for: There may be some spelling or grammar errors as I didn't go back and re-read yet, but I mostly want to know what you personally think of the characters, plot, setting, etc. Does it interest you? Would you keep reading after chapter 1? why or why not? What appeals to you, and what makes you uninterested?

Length: it's 22 pages, and 10,788 words. If this length is too much, that is perfectly fine and I understand. Not everyone has time!

Link: like I said above, I don't have a link because it's not online... If this is a problem just let me know, it is understandable.

Notes: Don't be afraid to tell me any problems you notice. The more objective your opinion is, the more helpful it will be to me. Also, the main characters in the story, the kids that get lost, are actually me and my friends. But don't let this stop you from saying what you think about the characters.

 

Either way, thanks for taking the time to read this long message! Sorry about that ;

[Zovesta]

No, no, sweetie. Your post was the most enjoyable to read so far. <3 Ver's is longer and she has two, so I don't mind.

 

Email is just fine. I'd like to read it, mainly because you represented yourself so well. Try using that in a query letter, k?

 

Yeah, first three chapters... I've heard in some cases it's the first thirty pages. It just varies on the publishing company and editor, I suppose.

 

You should be able to send the message on my profile, since my email is there. If not, I'll just send it to you.

 

I don't mind reading. :] Makes me happy to help out the fellow writers, right?

 

Paine's... is coming along. ; I've mainly been distracted by dA and their groups, sadly.

[TitiMiny]

Author: TitiMiny

Title: It doesn't has a name :C

Genre: Fantasy/Supernatural?

Description: It's the story of a demon cat who does not remember his past from before 9 year old. It tells his story, his misadventure in this world,but also how the war between humans,demons and angels in that world will make it go boom. That same demon cat, in the present, is 8880 year old(No i will not tell EVERYDETAIL of his story,like each year,but i will do the important stuff). This just a part of the story, for now.

Rating: Teenagers, i'd say.

What you want me to look out for: I can't think of anything

Length: Well well well. Im not totally sure. Around 500 for chapter 1, unless that word counter is lying

Link: I am a link button(link to story)

Notes: Yeah im sorry if some things are still unclear D: it is not a finished story but i am writing and updating everyday! I wanted a clear review of how does it looks right now :| and cry. My english isn't so good ;_; .

----------------------------

It's awesome you do something like this! May i give you cookies and hugs?

[Silverwatermist]

No, no, sweetie. Your post was the most enjoyable to read so far. <3 Ver's is longer and she has two, so I don't mind.

 

Email is just fine. I'd like to read it, mainly because you represented yourself so well. Try using that in a query letter, k?

 

Yeah, first three chapters... I've heard in some cases it's the first thirty pages. It just varies on the publishing company and editor, I suppose.

 

You should be able to send the message on my profile, since my email is there. If not, I'll just send it to you.

 

I don't mind reading. :] Makes me happy to help out the fellow writers, right?

 

Paine's... is coming along. ; I've mainly been distracted by dA and their groups, sadly.

Thanks so much! I can't wait for your opinion. I'll go to your profile and snag your email and send the first chapter along. You can respond through email once you've read it if you like. Thanks again!

[EternalSpring]

EternalSpring:  Your story is 1,109 words long.

 

Well, I just finished reading it, and I enjoyed it. But I do have some problems with it. The emotions were a little bit unrealistic, but that might just tie in with the fact that it went way too quickly. Now, short chapters are a good thing to have in this modern age, but they were just plain TOO short. I couldn't get involved with the characters. I feel it would help a lot if you padded it out and worked on emotions, sights, smells, and hearing.

 

Please tell me when you write more, though!

 

Thanks.

 

Edit: I'll go back and fix it a bit! :]

Edited May 14, 2010 by EternalSpring