Description comments

[MagnusMango]

AH, MY DESCRIPTIONS HAVE BEEN APPROVED <3

[HawktalonOfRiverClan]

To the first commenter, thank you, and whoever you are, you might be interested to know that Gazzycloud is a Brimstone.

That was me. The moment I saw that name I understood your reference, haha. Great descrip! You should do the rest of the Flock now.

 

I was looking through my descrips and found a comment that really made my day:

 

Branwyen was never accepted in her village; the leader loathed Magis and any other dragons with even a fraction of their talents, thinking magic to be evil, and Branwyen's healing abilities were far too uncanny to be a learned skill. However as the only White in the village, she was ignored. The leader's son, a sadistic brute of a dragon, had it in for her own son, a golden Tinsel she named Emryss. No one knew anything about the powers of Tinsels, not even Emryss himself, and they began to question him and his mother when magical things began to happen at his command. Emryss was arrested and Branwyen given a choice: either she could stay and her son would be put to death, or both could leave with their lives. She had found Emryss washed up on the shore as a hatchling, weak and starving. He would have died without her and she couldn't bare to leave him. They left their only home, but eventually found Hawktalon's cave where Branwyen, along with the Magi Krestomancii, is the healer.

 

Comments:

• Accept: This is really, really good.

(Aw, thank you, to whoever that was!) Edited December 12, 2012 by HawktalonOfRiverClan

[Lagie]

To the mod(s) who swept through and approved ALL THE DESCRIPTIONS between last night and this morning:

 

THANK YOU!!!

I believe that was Ruby, suffering from forum lag!

Thanks for approving Lissa as well!

[rubyshoes]

I believe that was Ruby, suffering from forum lag!

Thanks for approving Lissa as well!

I think Thuban also approved quite a bit yesterday as well.

[Lagie]

I think Thuban also approved quite a bit yesterday as well.

Thanks, Thuban, too!

 

I only ever saw the one 'accept' on Lissa due to her speedy acceptance!

Edited December 13, 2012 by Lagie

[626lavaheart]

T.T I was heart broken when I saw a typo in one of my dragon's descriptions... THANK YOU SO MUCH MODS FOR approving it that night!!!! I thought I'd be waiting a month like last time...

 

Although I didn't even have the time to see if anyone HAD commented or how many approvals it got... lol

[Momo]

There are few who will not question the integrity of this dragon's given name, Elsah. Before one can begin to question as well his orientational status, they would be harshly swung at as well as forced to face the Golden Wyvern's flamboyant wrath.  Reared with such pride within a legacy only acceptable for a fastidious individual as he, self-love and confidence was instilled within Elsah as second nature. Despite this however, he somehow retains a self righteous air many times heavier than his father, Ecebrus.  Elsah formally enjoys sunning and showcasing his scales off to the indigenous life about, but those with the heart to attempt touch would have vulgarities spewed irresponsibly in their general direction until they egress from his sight.  Although carrying a large weight of personality, this Golden Wyvern has practically no means of backing up his verbal hostilities in a physical asset. He would sooner retreat to his father than tarnish himself in an unsettling skirmish.

 

Accept: Nice job! :]

Accept: Love him

Abstain: Sorry, but the wording in this seems ... forced. It sounds like you were trying too hard to make it sound complex and fancy.   

Accept:   

Accept: Oi, what big words!   

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Ahaa, I'm sorry the abstainer feels that way. x3 In describing a character informally, I use a technique, a sort of 'empathy,' that has me write in the way the character would feel or a twinge of their personality in the words I choose so people can relate/understand them better. Elsah is a fastidious character, and thus his description contains flamboyant, "fancy" choice of helping words. n_n;

 

I haven't done many other dragon descriptions before this one (all still pending) but I realize that younger players might not understand all the words that I commonly use when writing. Does anyone think this is a hindrance to getting my future descriptions accepted? O:

[Ember_Silverly]

 

 

 

Ahaa, I'm sorry the abstainer feels that way. x3 In describing a character informally, I use a technique, a sort of 'empathy,' that has me write in the way the character would feel or a twinge of their personality in the words I choose so people can relate/understand them better. Elsah is a fastidious character, and thus his description contains flamboyant, "fancy" choice of helping words. n_n;

 

I haven't done many other dragon descriptions before this one (all still pending) but I realize that younger players might not understand all the words that I commonly use when writing. Does anyone think this is a hindrance to getting my future descriptions accepted? O:

No, go ahead and use all the big words you want. If people need to expand their vocabulary, they are on the internet as they read your description. No reason they can't look up the definition of the words they don't understand.

 

Don't feel bad. I had someone abstain on a description because they didn't know what "camaraderie" meant.

 

I think your description brings across the dragon's personality quite nicely.

[Herk]

Severus is a bitter dragon. As a hatchling he had to watch the way his rather arrogant father treated his devoted mother and this has left him with contempt for both of them. With his father for being so self-obsessed and his mother for being so weak and letting his father treat her that way. Although he has inherited both of their good traits - like his father's courage and his mother's work-ethics his bitterness has left him lonely among his fellow students.

While Severus intellect has gained him the respect of at least a few magis at the academy he has no real friends and the hatchlings and younger students all fear his impatience and foul mood.

Even his mating to Sethra leaves him unfulfilled - it's more a thing of convenience than love.

 

I got two accepts so far one with:

 

Accept: small fixes here and there, but nothing too overly noticeable. I love your description of your dragon and how you've crafted his personality through his nicely explained past.

 

First: Thank you dear commenter for those nice words

Second: Can anyone point out the fixes that are needed? I would love to correct them, but I can't see anything wrong

[Lagie]

Second: Can anyone point out the fixes that are needed? I would love to correct them, but I can't see anything wrong 

Severus is a bitter dragon. As a hatchling he had to watch the way his rather arrogant father treated his devoted mother and this has left him with contempt for both of them. With his father for being so self-obsessed and his mother for being so weak and letting his father treat her that way. Although he has inherited both of their good traits - like his father's courage and his mother's work-ethics, his bitterness has left him lonely among his fellow students.

While Severus' intellect has gained him the respect of at least a few magis at the academy, he has no real friends and the hatchlings and younger students all fear his impatience and foul mood.

Even his mating to Sethra leaves him unfulfilled - it's more a thing of convenience than love.

 

You have a sentence fragment, herk! (The bolded bit)

Also, a comma is needed after ethics and after academy, and an apostrophe after Severus (all bolded for you!).

In English, it's usually foul moods, rather than mood.

Nice description, though!

[Herk]

Thanks for pointing those out - my punctuation sucks even in my native tongue.

 

I changed the period to a '-' to avoid the sentence fragment and added the commas and the apostrophe - thanks again Lagie

Edited December 14, 2012 by herk

[Lagie]

You're welcome, herk! (Any time you'd like a description proofread, feel free to PM it to me!)

 

When Lagie's cave hosted a large gathering of foreign dragons, Pavia was Lagie's right-hand dragon, and with the help of Scribe, the three of them managed to make everything flow smoothly. Pavia became an expert at writing data into Scribe's fancy new spreadscrolls. She also made sure Lagie was kept plied with plenty of coffee. At the end of the gathering, everyone agreed that Pavia had done by far and away a job above and beyond the call of duty. Pavia wasn't too interested in their accolades, though; she was more interested in having a few nights' uninterrupted rest!

 

User Comments ~

 

Accept: SOME ONE SAID COFFEE?!?!

 

 

(If _Z_ weren't a mod, I would have guessed she'd made that comment! )

[HawktalonOfRiverClan]

 

 

 

Ahaa, I'm sorry the abstainer feels that way. x3 In describing a character informally, I use a technique, a sort of 'empathy,' that has me write in the way the character would feel or a twinge of their personality in the words I choose so people can relate/understand them better. Elsah is a fastidious character, and thus his description contains flamboyant, "fancy" choice of helping words. n_n;

 

I haven't done many other dragon descriptions before this one (all still pending) but I realize that younger players might not understand all the words that I commonly use when writing. Does anyone think this is a hindrance to getting my future descriptions accepted? O:

Just because you used big words does not make it bad. That's a good description and the choice of words fits well with the dragon's personality. I wouldn't worrry about it. Using long words is not going to hurt you as far as approval, believe me, or else half of mine would have been rejected. Word choice is a style and for every person who likes said style there will be one who doesn't.

[rubyshoes]

Thanks, Thuban, too!

 

I only ever saw the one 'accept' on Lissa due to her speedy acceptance!

Just found out that Sock did a bunch of descriptions recently as well.

[Lagie]

Just found out that Sock did a bunch of descriptions recently as well.

And thanks, too, to Sockmeister.

 

I had another approved overnight recently! (Pavia the Gentle) Very cool to have them done so quickly. Thank you to all our description reviewing mods! *leaves pineapple slices and brownies*

[RWyvern]

'Just keep running, don't look back.'

These were the words racing through Equinus' head as she fled the scene where her herd was under attack. With multiple large dragons, each over three times the size of a Horse, she could not take the risk of staying with her mother. Instead she ran as far as she could, before eventually collapsing in the desert some hours later.

Shaken and still terrified, Equinus came around sometime in the night under the careful eye of Opulentus. Suffering only from dehydration, exhaustion and shock, Equinus made a full recovery, but didn't dare to head back home for fear of more attacks. Yet at the same time she longed to, to try and find her mother. If her mother was even still alive, she probably wouldn't know that Equinus had escaped, alive and safe many miles away. All forms of contact have so far failed to gain any response and Equinus fears for her herd's wellbeing. Despite the constant worrying, she is otherwise happy living with the Herachus.

 

Accept: Another mention of herachus.. I wonder what Herachus is? Anyway, perhaps describe the attack more? Very abrupt start..

 

To find out who the Herachus is, you'll have to have a snoop at my scroll. All will be explained there :3

 

I'd love to describe the attack more, but I have only nine characters left. The description is still undergoing some adjustments though.

[Lilac Inkdream]

Disgraced Abiline (Snow Angel)

Abiline entered the Weyr under much joy and happiness. She and Sukina, the other Snow Angel in the Weyr, were like sisters, and the two became well-liked in the Weyr. Until Valentine's Day came along with a shy, quiet Sweetling. Abiline fell for him when Ohki came of age, but he already loved Sukina. The Enchantress approved of the match, and every dragon wished their happiness, except for Abiline, who was jealous of Sukina for "stealing her beloved".

 

When Midwinter returned and the Holiday Dragons were in full glory, Ohki mistakenly called Abiline by Sukina's name, and Abiline realized her chance to get back at Sukina. She mimicked Sukina's voice, and Ohki responded and followed her. She bore his eggs, and their scent tipped Ohki off to who she really was. Shocked, he fled from her and confessed all to the Enchantress. Furious at Abiline for destroying the chances for eggs from one of the most precious lineages in the Weyr, the Enchantress banished Abiline to the Wastelands.

 

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    Accept: This. is. amazing. I really love this, I was gripped into the story (which should be a book, cough)

 

Whoever wrote this, thank you for such a kind comment! I'm sorry to say I won't be writing this into a book, though. I might write a shortstory, but there isn't enough for an entire book.

[Momo]

Disgraced Abiline (Snow Angel)

 

 

 

 

Whoever wrote this, thank you for such a kind comment! I'm sorry to say I won't be writing this into a book, though. I might write a shortstory, but there isn't enough for an entire book.

Ahaa, that was me! :3 That was one of my favorites that I read that night, sad that there's just not enough for a book of any sort. >: It just sounds like a classic story with all the works; romance, envy, shrewd plotting, heartbreak and etc. ;

[HawktalonOfRiverClan]

Disgraced Abiline (Snow Angel)

 

 

 

 

Whoever wrote this, thank you for such a kind comment! I'm sorry to say I won't be writing this into a book, though. I might write a shortstory, but there isn't enough for an entire book.

Oh, I love this one! Great job.

 

---

 

Often seen slinking through the shadows, green eyes glowing like a cat's, Bel'lona is cold-hearted and mean-spirited. Incredibly sadistic, she often laughs at others' pain, as though it's some innocent joke. As silent as death she waits there, hidden in the cover of darkness, for an unsuspecting dragon to walk right into her trap. Her morals may be few but as sadistic as she is, she wouldn't dream of killing or even physically harming another dragon. The very thought horrifies her. She can't even stand the sight of dragon's blood, for fear that it might one day end up on her claws.

 

Comments:

• Accept:
• Accept: Beautifully Written!
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(Thank you to the second person! Seeing that really made my day.)

[MagnusMango]

Skaal Shaman was named with one of Magnus' favourite words, since this dragon was one of his favourites. Skaal takes great pride in his lineage, finding it refined and very aesthetically pleasing. He's a very calm dragon, quiet and firm with his opinions, rarely ever will he bicker with the other dragons.

Skaal has no interesting past, he was born to the cave, safe and sound. He doesn't adventure, instead spending his time keeping the hatchlings happy, or playing with the other young dragons. As far as he is concerned, he wants nothing to do with the Halloween dragons, and steers clear of trouble.

 

Accept: Very nice description, Magnus. He really does have a pretty lineage. -Flerida

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Abstain: Try: Rarely will he ever bicker

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Sorry abstainer! I don't think I'm going to change it.

[DragonNighthowler]

I got an abstain for Shaimoon.

 

A violent snow storm was hitting the large mountain range at DNH's Dragon Reserve but Shai didn't seem to mind it. Like a river, he rippled through the winds and snowflakes, cutting through them like an eel. As he was flying dangerously across the spiky stones and treacherous ice along the cannon, he saw something. A human and two dragons, lost and about to freeze to death. The girl was trying to move one of the bright breasted wyverns, but he seemed to have given up. Shai doubted for a moment, he was elusive and mysterious, since most of his specie had been hunted nearly to extinction in past ages, but he couldn't just let those three die. After making up his mind, the silver dragon descended and surrounded the trio with his body, conjuring a magic shield to keep them warm. The girl looked up, and her eyes shone with wonder.

"I thought you were a legend" she whispered weakly.

"We are." he responded gently into her mind, a silent plead to never reveal their existence to anyone.

 

Accept:

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Abstain: Silver dragons can't fly

 

Really?

I thought they slithered like chinese dragons. In the sprite both, male and female, sure look to be flying or something.

[rubyshoes]

I got an abstain for Shaimoon.

 

 

 

Accept:

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Abstain: Silver dragons can't fly

 

Really?

I thought they slithered like chinese dragons. In the sprite both, male and female, sure look to be flying or something.

You are right. Silver dragons do fly.

[DragonNighthowler]

You are right. Silver dragons do fly.

Thanks for clarifying that.

[Emeraldmay]

Well I have a beautiful bunch of comments today...

 

A talented thief hides in the shadows to stalk their prey, but Byth is the shadows. One of the most elusive thieves in the area, Byth loves gold like cats love cream; hunting down each precious nugget like a mole hunts a worm. Dragons jealously guard their hoard when she is in the neighborhood, spending hours, days watching the shining pile only to find that the second their eyelids sink over their darkened irises, that is the second that a chunk of the precious metal disappears. Onep can sound the alarms, and one can scour the surroundings, but no trace of the gold or the culprit will ever be found. Byth become the shadows, and follows those hunting her, laughing in almost childish glee as they are left wandering in circles of confusion and mayhem. Yet while she takes pleasure from other's misfortune, she cares deeply about those closer to her, and will go to the ends of the earth to help those who she loves.

 

Accept:

Abstain: this is more of a story.. THAN A DESCRIPTION

Abstain: Great description! One typo though - "One can sound the alarms" "one" has extra letter

Accept:

 

Sorry? Why the caps? It's been approved by a mod before, so I think I'll take my chances

 

From a young age the yearnings of experimentation called to Artemis, with the controlling power he held over his subjects, giving the shy and nervous hatchling the confidence he needed to continue. Born to important, yet incredibly busy parents, Artemis was free to experiment with whatever he wanted moving from ants, to mice, to deer and eventually to other hatchlings. Holding them down, he would test how long they could stay out in the winter air before they got a cold, how long they could survive in heat before they fainted and how far he could make them hurt one of their hatchmates before they refused to continue. His confidence bounded, and he soon began to experiment on adult dragons but his hastiness overtook him and the Clans discovered his true side. Shamed, he fled the clans, retreating to a lair deep down in the caverns, now experimenting on eggs in the hope he could one day create the sickly green dragon of nursery tales. His last dream.

 

Accept: O.o This is kind of a strange dragon, I can tell already by the description. Good job retelling his history.

 

This comment really doesn't make sense to me...

 

Fritz's shy and quiet nature left him relying on his adopted sister, Clara, far too much at such a young age. Barely able to talk to other dragons, Fritz would follow the enigmatic young ribbon dancer around, hiding in her shadow when anyone came near, and stuttering out a few mumbled words for politeness before fleeing their company. It was only when he was alone with Clara when Fritz came alive, his behaviour becoming rash and hasty, but Clara continued to protect him from the judging eyes that surrounded him in when they were in company. Fritz has never wished for more friends, as he finds his social life fulfilled within Clara, yet he fears love as it may tear him away from his beloved sister. Fritz prefers to scare off Clara's suitors, telling them stories of how she isn't interested in marriage, not out of malice or spite, but because he is scared, far too scared, that she will leave him.

 

Accept: You had some spelling problems

 

Google spellcheck, microsoft word and I all disagree with that -.- The only possible error I can see is the english spelling of behaviour...

 

On two seperate descriptions which I'm not going to post here:

 

Accept: Poor Jutu

Accept: aww, poor Minik too!

[sarrepta1]

Oh YEAAAHHH is a very strange dragon. At least a hundred years ago, or maybe last Thursday, he invented a beverage made of ice and the juices from fruits. He named it "Koldhelp". He tried to sell his Koldhelp once, but he suddenly realized that dragons do not have their own economy. He is hated by Ice Dragons the most, particularly because of the ice ingredient in his drinks.

 

•Accept: This is perfect. I love the reference.

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•Accept: Incredibly strange to make a koolaid dragon, but well-written nonetheless ahahah

 

 

I didn't really intend to make a Koolaid dragon, I just named the thing after its code. After a while, I noticed reference in its name, so I decided to write a description about it.

 

Jadiuka "Gemini" is indeed a unique dragon of her clan. She possesses a peculiar behavior never seen yet within her clan: she seems to have "two personalities". Each personality is activated depending on what time of day it is. If it is any time between the morning and the evening, Jadiuka is very quiet and calm, barely speaking to anyone or doing anything. Since she is a Sunset Dragon, she is also very lazy, and spends most of her time sleeping or hiding in one of the caves near the clan's territory. If it is anytime between evening and midnight, Jadiuka turns into a very vulgar and egotistical creature, and she is often seen snarling at hatchlings and random dragons that wander near her. Sometimes, she is unlucky enough to be bitten by the more violent dragons. Jadiuka is also more active and hyper in her nighttime personality. She has been nicknamed "Gemini" because of these personalities. It is believed that she received these personalities through the disorder called DID.

 

•Accept: I like when people write disorders in a more accurate way. So many people get Schizophrenia and MPD (DID) mixed up, so it's nice to see the term being used correctly.

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•Accept: Whoa! That's a pretty drastic change! But they can't blame her for it!

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•Accept: Nice Description

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Alfalfaruu is known amongst his clan for his great interest in telling time. He first became curious about it as a mature hatchling. One day, his clan was preparing to launch a hit and run attack on a large group of wild dragons, but it was never specified what time the clan would meet up. Since the time had been mixed up, they were unable to attack the wild dragons at all. Alfalfaruu heard of this incident and claimed that he wish he could've helped. He then came up with an idea, and that idea was that he should learn how to tell time. He was taught by his owner how humans told time and he eventually was able to master time telling by looking at the sun. He passes his knowledge down to his children, whom he hopes will also become excellent time tellers.

 

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•Accept: A. Maz. Ing.

 

I love the last comment. I don't really understand it very well, but it's awesome nonetheless.

 

AND FINALLY...

 

A dragon who lives in a dark room...red eyes which bear the same color as two bloody fingerprints and a beckoning hand...a jaw with very white and human-looking teeth...with its lips stretched into a smile. It is often said that this creature, if one stares at it for too long, will make one go insane. It will say..."Spread the word"

                                                                                                         

                                                                                                        666

  User Comments•

Moderator Reject: Way too many elllipses. Doesn't describe the dragon much, either. Missing ending punctuation at the very end of the story.

•Accept: Very ... interesting? Kinda spooky.

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•Accept: Kinda creepy, but I like it!

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•Accept: I stared at it and lost five minutes. When I woke up, There was bacon taped to my calculator and there was a pair of scissors embedded in the ceiling. Thanks a lot, Smile Dragon.

•Accept: Haha, this made me smile, and reminded me of a /certain/ story I've read...

•Accept: Running away in fear...

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Didn't get the reference did you? Hmm...maybe, maybe.

 

You'll Learn, Then