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Dr. Paine

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Here's a recent one I wrote.

 

It was wrong. It was horrible. It was the worst crime a dragon could commit. But he couldn't help it. Once he'd tasted it, he couldn't forget its incredible flavor. He tried to stop, but ordinary cheese wasn't good enough. He needed the cheese from a dragon made entirely of it. He needed a Cheese dragon. It was wrong. It was horrible. But he loved the taste, and something about the Cheese's dying squeal made him hungry for more. He tried to stop, but he could not. But they taste so incredible... Surely... No. He will stop. At night, the Sunstone chains himself to the wall so that no more Cheeses will die because of his horrible addiction, while he dreams of a bowl full of their eggs where he can gorge himself guilt-free.

 

User Comments

  • Accept: Making use of Socky's prompts, I see? Nice job.

    Yeah. I saw the Cheese dragon one and it seemed so out there that I had to use it.

  • Accept: xd.png Poor dragons!
  • Accept: Gory and disturbing in some weird way. But interesting.

    Wasn't meant to be gory...

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Amica used to be an adorable white hatchling who was fawned over by her caretakers. Sadly, she drowned while playing near a river, and the spell that was meant to bring her back went wrong. Although she retains her personality, her appearance is now that of a rotting corpse. Amica is now looked upon by her former friends with disgust, and all she wants is someone who can look past her horrifying appearance to see the sweet, friendly dragon that she is.

 

User comments:

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I really wish it was required for a comment to go along with a rejection. Because unless I'm missing something, that description was perfectly fine. It did get accepted eventually, too.

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Well the mod approvals slowed for a brief time yesterday, allowing a couple of mine to pick up a few comments:

 

The Archmage, or Blackwolf as he is known to those brave enough to call him friend, was one of the earliest dragons to arrive in Verdant, and was instrumental in organizing The Seven, the core group of wizarding dragons who create and oversee the magical protection for the community and surrounding weyrs.  Intimidatingly intelligent, with a cast in each of his eyes, he leaves the unaware nervous about what he might be seeing, and the oddly focused stare is threatening to many.  He does not suffer fools, and even fools understand that with a single look.  To those who do call him friend though, he is a rare treasure, with warmth, wisdom, a surprisingly sentimental heart and an absolutely wicked sense of humor.

User Comments

 

* Accept:

* Accept: wiked u say?

* Accept: Creative!!!!

 

Wiked? laugh.gif

 

The cattle herd that spends the summer grazing the wide Verdant Plateau had an odd little member. Moon Mad Dorkface was found living with the herd, grazing like her bovine companions, and reacting to the dragons that tried to communicate with her as though she was frightened prey.  Finally collected by a group of gentle and very patient Mints, she was tended by the healers who found a moon spell had been cast on the unfortunate hatchling, result in her belief that she is a cow.  Working with a counter spell, it has been mostly successful, with the exception of the night of the full moon, when little Maddie runs to the nearest field and spends the moonlit hours mooing at the moon.

User Comments

 

* Accept: At least she doesn't actually turn into a cow? Nice job.

* Accept: Very moo-ving (poor hatchie!).

* Accept:

 

Thank you to all who make your kind (and moo-ving) comments! I will keep trying to post them whenever the mods are resting from the incredible job they are doing with the approvals! wub.gif

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For a split, Jormungand and Ethelinda:

When Jormungand's head didn't hatch until nearly half a day after Ethelinda's, the clan dragons knew something had gone badly in the egg. The sisters could not have been more different, with Ethelinda the picture of beauty and grace, and Jormungand, well.... Ethelinda remained developmental miles ahead of her sister, learning to speak, read, breathe fire, and even navigate the extensive enchanted cave months before Jormungand even wanted to try. Some of the caretakers worry that without Ethelinda there literally every step of the way, Jormungand might never even have hatched. Etha is patient with her sister, never once losing her temper when Jorm fails a simple task. She always declares that Jorm's head is so full of love and caring, there is no room for much else, but the other dragons look at Jorm and shake their heads.

 

Accept: this description seems like a sad story but it kinda suits the dragon and breed

 

Yes, it's pretty sad, I didn't quite mean to write it that way but I guess that's how it turned out. Thank you for commenting!

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I was looking over my description for my dragon Kalyala:

 

 

What "YAWNNN" what? They must think my description is boring sad.gif

Waaaay late reply here, but... honestly, I'd have to agree with the commenter. She's pretty and kind and everyone loves her except the jealous ones- it reeks of Sueishness, and is just not all that entertaining to read.

 

Try giving her some actual personality, or at least tone down the 'everyone who isn't a jealous jerk is drooling over her' vibe.

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The "The end." part was taken out of this before it was approved, but this was how I submitted one:

One day ExcLAMEation was playing with his friend Capital Lock and he accidentally got him stuck on ExcLAMEation's head. Then Capital Lock started complaining. He complained and complained and complained. ExcLAMEation was quite offended, because his head was a very fine head indeed and Capital Lock should be THANKING him for getting him stuck on top of such a wonderful place! But Capital Lock just wouldn't shut up. ExcLAMEation would have to go to the wise frozen hatchling: Googol.

As soon as ExcLAMEation thought of Googol, Googol appeared. That's how wise he was. You just had to THINK his name and he would come running.

ExcLAMEation quickly explained his problem, finishing off with the question: "HOW DO I TURN CAPITAL LOCK OFF!" To which Googol replied, "Tap your nose horn." So ExcLAMEation tapped his nose horn, and Capital Lock fell off of his head and ran away. The end.

 

Accept: also strange

Reject: It's a nice story... But I think you need to explain things about your dragon. Also, try not to put "The End" at the end of the description. Instead, try to think of a good closing sentence. :)

(Fair enough. At least they gave constructive critism. x3)

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Accept: Very funny, I like it.

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I still have to revise Googol's:

Meet Googol, the wise frozen hatchling. His name is a number, a number that, for many, is so large it is impossible to imagine. It is this number:

10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

Which may not look as big as it actually it. But it's a very large number.

And that's how high Googol's IQ is. Googol is smarter than all humans and most dragons. Perhaps somewhere out there there is something smarter than him. Perhaps.

Googol knows the secrets of the universe. If someone googol miles away needs him, they need only think his name, and Googol will come running. He arrives to the rescue like a king, riding a clan of Whiptails or pulled by a fleet of Horse dragon-drawn carriges. Because, aside from being unquestionably wise, Googol is also undeniably rich.

 

Moderator Reject: This is a bit overpowered.

Reject: Not necessary to put in the actual number, although it's cute. A good description, but you made the dragon too powerful by saying he's smarter than all humans and knows the secrets of the universe...

(Mm'k, now I have a better idea of what to take out.)

Abstain: overpowering?

Reject: how does being really smart let him read someone's mind from miles away?

(He's telekinetic. :D)

Accept: very odd

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Accept: I love it. Does he use the Google search engine? -

 

There was also a description for Capital Lock but it got approved before I could read the comments. D:

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This is the third incarnation of my Deep Sea's description. Notice the name.

 

In short, Nerf believes he is something called a "gun," swimming around merrily in his ocean trench and making "pew-pew-pew" sounds. The other dragons rightfully believe he is touched in the head, although the most curious of them might try to get close enough to figure out what a "gun" might be. None have learned anything, for if anydragon gets close enough, he swims toward them shouting "pew-pew-pew" and then instructs them in great detail that they have been "shot" and must pretend to be dead. Although he is mostly harmless, they soon learned to leave him well alone.

 

It's currently "Awaiting Moderation" and these are the comments:

    Accept:

    Reject:

    Accept:

    Accept: I love this. I just LOVE THIS DESCRIPTION.

    Accept:

    Accept: You made me chuckle.

    Accept: much better

    Reject: I don't think they had Nerf Guns in the Medevil times.

    Accept:

    Abstain: Nerf didn't exist in Medevil times, sorry. I approved your last one though.

    Reject: Guns do not exist in this time.

    Accept:

 

Dear commenters: You might be surprised to learn that I do know guns don't exist in the Middle Ages.

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Latest abstain actually took me aback a bit:

 

Irtando and his counterpart Desi are forevermore locked in an endless debate of who is more desirable. Who can make the most hens swoon. Both are equally elegant creatures, built with the fragility and elegance of porcine dragons, with a certain level of theatricality. Neither cares for the woes of the Creorluna war, not even when their targets are killed in battle.

Irtando keeps an itinerary of every female he's interested in, like a grocery list he's slowly checking off. But they don't mean anything to him. They're just tail to chase. Little more than a game. The only one who does mean something to him is...Desi. Yes, for all Irtando's posturing, his rival is really the only dragon he really feels real emotion for. Desi seems to reciprocate his affections, at least when they're alone and away from prying eyes. They both have a reputation to keep up after all. Wonder what all the girls would think if they were to learn that their prince charming is really gay...

 

User Comments

 

    Accept:

    Accept:

    Abstain: Uh,I think gay is considered a bad word?

    Accept:

 

Maybe if I was using it as an insult. It's not always a bad word.

 

And here's Desi's:

Despite his elegance and reputation as the biggest heartthrob in the Northern Clans, Desiderare is as frigid as they come. He feels nothing, does not know that which others call emotion. He doesn't know what it's like to feel happy or sad or even lonely. He simply is.

That is the real reason he plays with other's hearts. Desi is forever trying to feel something. Even regret when he kicks another heartbroken hen to the curb. He tries to throw himself into emotionally charged atmospheres hoping some emotion will somehow rub off on him. There's nothing he won't do just to feel alive.

Which is why when his rival, Irtando, started making subtle advances on him, Desi reciprocated interest. He's toying with Irtando, the closest being he's ever had to a brother, with every intention of breaking his fragile heart. Maybe then he'll feel something.

User Comments

 

    Accept:

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Oh and klinneah? Hope that one gets accepted. It's great.

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TVTV, if you include your description in your post, you might also get comments on how the description could be improved/changed so that it would be acceptable.

Edited by rubyshoes

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I already changed it and it got accepted. I just found the comment kind of funny out of context.

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I already changed it and it got accepted. I just found the comment kind of funny out of context.

True. smile.gif I did see the revised description and accepted it.

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Pending acceptance:

 

Vampire Chihuahua @ S1 vampire hatchie

So named for biting other dragons' ankles. An annoying little hatchling that often gets kicked for pestering others that are bigger than it. It tries to trip other dragons by running under their feet, and circling them.

 

User Comments

 

    Accept:

    Accept:

    Accept:LOL

    Accept:

    Accept:

 

I wish the others left a comment.

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Four actual comments is a rarity for me so I was very happy to see these ones on Escort's description page. ^-^ Very glad for the slight lull in approvals that day - meant I was able to see these before they vanished. <3

 

Escort's crackling tendrils of electricity are as vigorous as his youthful vitality. Showing preference towards exploration of new landscapes, he has little regard for the politics and hierarchy of clan life. It was this passion for adventure that caused him problems. He was a charmer; but as a reckless and wild spirit, these qualities only served to demerit his capacity as a mate. His disposition was never solitary - he yearned to find a mate who enjoyed the same freedom as the one he so loved. He met English Rose during Valentine's Day, a time of year that encourages all sorts of spontaneous, deliciously wild behaviour. Having heard nothing of him before, Rose was unprejudiced towards him and found his carefree abandon intoxicating. He showed her the world and soon after, she became his.

Comments:

Accept: Lovely!

Accept: Awww such a cute story! <3!

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Accept: Good job. (:

Accept:

Accept: This description is amazing! The first sentence just pulled me into the story of this dragon and I don't know what to say! This is awesome! :D

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Fressran's clan lived in fear of fire. Despite being creatures of flame, they believed it to be a destructive force that would kill without a second thought. Wildfire raged through the forest in which her clan dwelled, and they fled, but Fressran was separated in the process. Still a young hatchling, she hardly knew how to defend herself from predators. But she knew one thing: they were as afraid of fire as she was. She found a small flame that was still alive, and coaxed it to a good-sized blaze. She used this new creature to fend off those who wanted to make a meal of her and find her way back to her clan. She taught her clanmates of the the flames' warmth, and that as long as they didn't get out of hand, they were nothing to be afraid of. She became known as the Firetamer, the one who made a pet out of a monster, and is the one reason her clan now resides in the infamous volcanic plains known as Sinskaald Rift.

 

Comments:

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Accept: This story has moved me. Continue to create such in excellence!

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Accept: Nice description!

 

I just wanted to say thank you to whoever wrote that second one. It made my day. smile.gif

 

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Murder Most Fowl (a chicken):

 

Murder Most Fowl is one bad egg. Some say she pecked A Chick Named Reno just to watch her cry, right before she flew the coop. Some say she's still winging it and running afowl of the law; however, since no one's heard a peep about her, others say she must have been caught before she could do anything worse. ("The best laid plans," they sigh, shaking their heads and clucking their tongues.)

 

Abstain: Nice and humorous description XD, however, do chickens really act like this?

 

That's... kind of a weird question to ask, especially when the description is full of puns and meant to be joking. Especially when the last line of my description involves other chickens talking.

At least everyone who's reviewed it so far seems to like it.

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They say that Edamed For All Eternity could have been anything that it wanted to be, will all the talent that it had. But it decided- a fact that it takes pride in- that it would be, as it says, "the very best at being bad". Edamed is rotten to the core; nobody likes it any more. In fact, it's criticized and cursed. Even though it made the big time, other dragons see it as malicious and mad. Edamed doesn't think that manners are necessary, this dragon's so rude it's almost scary. So, it could be said Edamed really is the best at being bad.

 

I got about five Approvals for this until I changed it at the prompting of one commenter- I got so wrapped up writing that most of the 'it's came out as 'he's... I wonder if somebody'll get the massive pun this time around?

 

Does anyone see the massive pun? biggrin.gif

 

EDIT: I remember that chicken description! It gave me a good chuckle- I Approved it at once. biggrin.gif

Edited by Ruins

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Oh, I just did another one for that scroll owner! Definitely good descriptions!

If you meant me, then thank you! smile.gif

 

Because of her Mint heritage, Abrassa has always loved nature. Even as a hatchling she would stare endlessly at the forest, enticed by its beauty while others of her breed hid in the long grass awaiting their next meal. She thought they were monsters for even daring to eat another animal, and started trying to rescue the animals from becoming a Vine's supper. The other Vines did not take kindly to this and Abrassa was exiled from her clan. She couldn't bear to leave, however, and remained to secretly do good in the shadows when no one is looking. Of course, they know she hasn't gone. Whether they feel guilty over what they did long ago or simply enjoy the little things she does, they always turn the other way when Abrassa sneaks out to coax the flowers to grow or save a deer from an untimely fate. She usually tries to use diplomacy, but every once and awhile, her violent nature comes out and she stains the ground with the blood of the Vine. As much as she hates it, old habits die hard.

 

Comments:

 

Accept:

Accept:

Abstain: This description goes completely against the vine dragon's normal description, since they are supposed to be violent and kill things and plants. Otherwise, great description smile.gif

Accept: Nice description!

 

Dear, abstain person, that's why I added the part about her Mint father and the last line about her violent habits... Sometimes it feels like people don't even bother to finish reading the descriptions before they click something. Sorry if that came out a little rude...

Edited by HawktalonOfRiverClan

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Hey Hawktalon,

 

I just got that description in the queue.

 

I'm kind of on the fence on this one, it's well written but I think she's a bit too nice even considering her heritage.

 

I think I would tone it down a bit, maybe have her kill prey because of hunger but feeling uncomfortable about it?

 

And the other vines kind of accept her? - That would go against their violent nature so you're not only making her 'too nice' but other vines, too.

 

I hope that helped. I'm going to abstain since I can't decide...

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Dear, abstain person, that's why I added the part about her Mint father and the last line about her violent habits... Sometimes it feels like people don't even bother to finish reading the descriptions before they click something. Sorry if that came out a little rude...

I would approve it, if it were up to me. I have also written about a few dragons that go against the general nature of their breed, and had them approved, just because, like you did, I explained the reason for their aberrant actions. I have one Vamp who will NOT bite, with nurture taking precedence over nature, and another Vamp who hates herself for biting, showing her internal struggle over behavior which she cannot reconcile. Of course, I have many who gleefully or ruthlessly follow their Vamp natures as well. I have a little Mint who is unusually outgoing, and another who is a little larger because of his White mother.

 

Personally, I like your subversive Vine.

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Hawktalon I'd ignore it if I were you. I remember seeing your first discription and wondering if your dragon had a peaceful breed that you could use to describe it and went and looking into the lineage...smile.gif personally I like those that go agains the standard as long as there is a reason like a Nilla pygmy who hangs out with other pygmys(there are no other Nilla's on my scroll but still...) or I have She's a Little Spitfire who journey's everywhere while being territorial...etc. I personally love your description! <3 wub.gif

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This description:

Guardian In The Warp shines the brightest and clearest gold, often compared to the Astronomicon that shines through the psychic realms like a lighthouse does across the physical oceans; both are genuine life-savers, guiding the lost through the storms and safely home. Guardian has taken this comparison to heart, using the power of her strong will and faith in the Emperor to guard the his children, wherever they may be and whatever danger comes her way. Though she may sometimes falter, she'll never give up- not even if it kills her.

 

Got these comments:

User Comments

Accept:

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Accept: Beautiful description. Just... Fantastic.

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

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Abstain: Nice description, but a bit...dramatic...maybe you could cut it down a bit smile.gif

Accept: Nice description!

 

The second to last one kind of... puzzles me. Is it too long?

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