Description comments

[Ruins]

Thanks to the mysterious P who corrected my spelling- it's a real weak point of mine. (It was on my two Bronzes, Most Beloved Of The Emperor and Glorious Spirit Of Mankind.)

[xeyla]

Sheldon Cooper PhD ScD (chicken s1)

 

 

Accept: This is too cute

 

I found a typo and had to resubmit the description, but comments like that are always welcome.

I accepted that one! I giggled when I read it all the way. Just imagine a chick being like that.

[MissVampire13]

Submitted my first description in a while today (for a female pillow), and I've already got a comment, which made my day:

 

ROFLMHO can't take anyone seriously. Every comment, question, or situation becomes a joke to her, much to the frustration of all the other dragons in the cave. She even finds humor in the chaos the irritable pebble couple Richtera and Jord raise on mornings when mischievous hatchlings have interrupted their sleep. But nobody is more exasperated by ROFLMHO's inability to stop laughing than her mate, STOP LAUGHING AT ME.

 

User Comments

Accept: Cute.

 

Now I just need to write one for her mate.

Edit: Another description done. =)

Edited November 8, 2011 by MissVampire13

[Mathcat]

Once, he loved and was loved in return.  Once, he had a mate, a family, a home, until jealousy consumed him and all was lost.  He wandered, lost, forsaken, heartbroken, over many lands and for many years.  Then, at last, hope bloomed again, in the form of a pretty young pink dragon, and now Fallen Valentine's heart can soar again.

 

* Accept:

* Accept: Cute. :3

 

...Cute? This? Okay, if you say so.

[numb3rs]

I wrote a description for a zombie name Dusknoir

and

 

Accept: Dag, zombies are creepy

Accept: I'm pretty sure Dusknoir is a Pokemon

[MissVampire13]

I love reading description comments...

 

A very solemn pebble dragon with a rather fiery temper, STOP LAUGHING AT ME rarely finds humor in anything. Jokes, funny faces, even humans falling down--nothing seems to amuse him. In fact, his name is his favorite thing to say to his mate, a jolly pillow dragon by the name of ROFLMHO who can never seem to take anything seriously. The mingled sounds of her boisterous laughter and his exasperated refrain of "STOP LAUGHING AT ME" can be heard echoing throughout the cave whenever ROFLMHO finds something amusing, which is very often indeed.

 

User Comments

Reject:

Accept: Poor guy...

 

Though blank rejects kinda bother me. If you see something wrong with a description, why not point it out so it can be improved?

[Mathcat]

Daviten is a dragon about whom both very much and very little is known.  It's a rare dragon who hasn't heard of at least one of his adventures in time and space, but not one could tell you where and when he was born.  Depending on who one asks, Daviten is the last of his kind or one of many, eternal and unchanging or continually reborn, a bringer of chaos or a restorer of order.  He's been heralded as destroyer and savior, as clown and sage, as dearest friend and bitter enemy.  Daviten has traveled with many companions over the years, his joy and enthusiasm often leaving them with a lifelong love of travel, but even they tell widely differing accounts of the mysterious magi.  All that can be certain is that even though he's most often seen in times of danger, he always manages to bring some sort of resolution to a crisis, that while he is capable of great destruction, he always tries to preserve life, and that those who meet him rarely forget him.

 

Accept: I wondered why you hadn't named him by code, but now I see! Nice Dr. Who allusion, Mathcat. -

 

(Thank you, kind person whose name got cut off. I try to go for more subtle allusions when I get neat codes.)

[Snow Plow]

I wrote a description for a pygmy dragon named Sky--Light. So far, I think it's had the most comments yet of any description I've written.

 

Sky--Light...a very unusual dragon.  She is minuscule, even for a pygmy dragon, but her size has never stopped her from causing problems for the other dragons!  If it wasn't for her coloration, many of the other dragons of the cave would think that she was a misfit pygmy - she certainly acts like one.  Best friends and often seen plotting mischief with an Electric dragon who she calls Bel, Sky--Light - or as Bel calls her, Skyle - seems to make it her life's work to make the other dragons miserable.  They consider her to be a tiny menace, and she lives up to it quite well, always flying in their faces and tugging at their scales, as well as leading their hatchlings astray so the adults will have to come looking for them, led on by their piteous cries.  Even the largest of dragons cower in fear at the sight of Skyle, for none know who will be her next victim, or what she intends to do next.

 

Accept:

Accept: Very nice! And just after commenting to someone else about sentence flow and varied sentence length, here's a great example! :-D Beautiful work, thanks for sharing!

Accept: Great description! Very well written. -

Reject:

Accept: So cute. ^^ And it is really funny imagining a large, menacing dragon cowering in fear in front of a little pygmy.

Accept:

 

Thank you! Although I'd prefer to know why it was rejected so that I can fix whatever I messed up on...

[Pinkie]

Snow Plow don't worry about it. Some people reject when they get lazy and its too long for them to want to read. I've actually had a bunch of rejects on ones I really like that said just that and now they're approved.

 

Few new ones with good comments

 

Jivja's size belies her ego. She's always strutting around with her head held high and her chest puffed out. Like she's hot stuff despite being not much bigger than a house cat. She refuses to respond to anyone who does not address her properly as well and by properly she means tacking on a generous amount of honorifics (Your Excellency, Your Majesty, ETC). And you have to kiss her feet or at least bow before you address her.

Yes, Jivja believes she's the queen of all pumpkins. To her chagrin, no one else seems to believe so. No matter how much she screams at them to do as she commands (very unbecoming for a "queen") no one ever really listens. They might insincerely refer to her by honorifics, but they otherwise refuse her insistence of royalty.

Jivja takes her charade to an unprecedented level. She ALWAYS carves her pumpkins into thrones and even bejewels them with yellow diamonds and rubies.

 

    * Reject:

    * Accept: Tee hee, what a little diva!

    * Accept:

Why yes she is haha.

 

Within the confines of the Northern Territories, there exists a small glade near Scrupulositas Labyrinth. This is the resting place of souls: Sussurro Rada Cemetery. It was specifically created to cater to veterans of the Creorluna war. And also one of the most sacred, hallowed lands for miles.

Exploring the area, you find the air shimmer slightly and can't help but freeze, rooted in place. You've heard the stories of the graveyard being haunted but you didn't buy it until now as you see the vague silhouette of a dragon watching you from the shadows.

Don't be alarmed. The graveyard may well be haunted, but this is no ghost watching you. It's Pelseo, one of the two caretakers of the cemetery. Pelseo's job is to protect the dead. He's the one who ensures no evil forces disturb those buried here. This is his official job in any case. Unofficially, Pelseo is blessed with a tinge of psychic power. Occasionally he can see and speak with the dead occupying the yard and help them find peace.

    * Accept: Nice. I can really picture a shadow stalker as the guardian of a graveyard.

    * Accept:

 

Glad someone agrees haha. That comment made me grin ear to ear.

 

Entering the cemetery, you see a convincing Black Marrow statuette. Leaning in for a closer look, you fly backwards when the thing turns his head and glares at you, crimson eyes borrowing into you with an unspoken threat. It's no statute. He's Horrix and he is one of the two cemetery caretakers.

When he was little, Horrix was caught scavenging off the bones in the cemetery by the caretaker. Pelseo struck up a deal with him. Horrix would help guard the yard and in exchange, any dead, unclaimed Creorlunites brought there were his.

But he struggled to restrain himself. He secretly snuck pieces of the corpses. After one such incident, a vengeful spirit attacked him. He was petrified and hid until a young hen found him. She calmed him. He felt at ease around her and asked if he could see her again. She smiled sadly and said "Any time," then vanished in a cloud of silver smoke. He'd been unknowingly talking to a ghost.

Never again did he eat the bones of anyone but those Pelseo gave him.

    * Accept:

    * Accept:

    * Accept: Perfect

Assuming you're the same person that helped me make a couple changes. Thank you very much for the help

 

Reclusive by nature, few dragons know of Platacchi. Those who encounter her are often transfixed by her eyes. If there is any trace of light, ambient or otherwise, they gleam brightly. With her ghostly body, it's like a pair of silver eyes floating in midair...a sight met with a mix of awe and fear.

Unlike the rest of her body, her eyes are solid. She can't entirely phase through objects as a result.

It wasn't always that way. When she was young, she was an incorrigible prankster. She loved scaring the other Nebbia out of their wits, jumping from the shadows crying, "BOO!"

One day she scared the wrong dragon. Esoterico, a young magi with faltering control over his magic. He retaliated blindly, terrified. She was knocked unconscious by a blast of magic. She was mostly unscathed but her eyes had been alchemized into solid silver. Platacchi is blind because of this. This incident sobered her significantly. She believes her eyes are her punishment and bears no ill will toward Esoterico.

 

    * Accept: Wow. That's very descriptive...

    * Accept:

    * Accept: Love it

 

Hmm, isn't it supposed to be? Haha. And thanks very much .

 

Po's past is just as troubling of an enigma as his uncanny knack of knowing things he shouldn't. His dual colored eyes (one silver one gold) make difficult to discern his thoughts.

Ferox was leery of him at first and so despite her protests, Katsa was assigned to watch the bizarre youth. To Po's delight, she's stubborn hothead: the most fun type of personality to aggravate. What's more he finds likes her flustered. He finds it highly alluring when her blue-and-green eyes smolder angrily at him. Granted whenever she looks like that, pain is sure to follow, but its well worth it.

Despite his lax teasing of Katsa, Po is a very devoted warrior. His reflexes border on precognitive and he has quite the reputation for it. But it isn't premonitions that give him an upper edge against his opponents, but rather the same ability that allows him to so rile Katsa. Po was born with telepathy so strong he naturally slips past all but the thickest mind shields: in other words, he's a mind reader.

 

Accept: Very nice to read!

Yeah it is one of my favorites although I wonder if anyone will catch the blatant reference...

[Saloiq]

Yeah it is one of my favorites although I wonder if anyone will catch the blatant reference...

Caught it. As a book, I liked Graceling much better than Fire, but there were more interesting ideas in Fire.

 

she's stubborn hothead -> she's a stubborn hothead

he finds likes her flustered -> he finds he likes her flustered

its well worth -> it's well worth

(Ignore if you already noticed or don't care. ^^; Also noticed errors in the other descriptions, but I don't want to annoy you~)

[ShaydraSilversky]

I've had this one for a while and it's never been approved, though I made it during the Description Days, and just noticed it had new comments now.

 

Anachronism of the Dusk Divide Keep is a very confused dragon. He mentions strange things like "buses" and "telephones", and when he tries to explain these things, the other dragons scoff because they are so blatantly impossible. His worst offense had to be his ravings about the "internet", which had nothing to do with a fishing net and made no sense. Others shun and ignore him, although the hatchlings like listening to him. He has a mate in Encryption, the red nebula who is equally indecipherable.

* Accept:

* Accept: ~interesting and funny! Very cool concept!

* Accept:

* Accept: LOL nice one!

* Abstain: I don't really get it. confused

 

I'm sorry for your confusion, abstainee, but I guess you don't know the meaning of the word Anachronism? xP

[grishiu]

Upon reentering the garden of the abandoned mansion that once was home to a mighty dragon spirit, there seemed nothing left to explore. The only thing that appeared to be present was the running of chickens in the nearby forest; nevertheless, curious probing of the garden's landscape continued. It remained malnourished as ever, with the decaying scenery only shifting in the evening's breeze.

The realization that there indeed was nothing further left to examine, the only solution left was to turn back and leave. However, something buried in the shallow earth caused a slip of the foot. It was a worn, old box that had been carelessly tossed into a shallow grave. Once the lid opened, a deceased hatchling laid motionless inside. Faint text was written on the box: "Best before October 28th, 2011".

Accept:

Accept: Great job! *applauds* I love her name. :3

 

 

Thank you very much for the comment, whoever it was <3 Made my day c:

This is my first description without mentioning my dragon's name at all ^-^ I'm glad people can piece together why she's called Expiration

[Mathcat]

Thin, withdrawn, and often melancholy, Sorrow usually seems the embodiment of her name.  She was one of the last born at ill-fated Highrock Weyr, and had she been a magi dragon, she might have been able to oppose Olinbar and stop the weyr's slow decline, but as a white dragon, there was little she could do to save the dying weyr.  Sorrow fled as soon as she could, vowing to return one day to aid her former home.  Her journey has taken her to a terrae paladin, to the reincarnated Unicorn Mage and her new court, and to the activist tinsel who would eventually become her mate, but there still seem to be no solutions to the problem of Highrock Weyr.  Hope remains elusive, but Sorrow endures.

 

* Accept:

* Accept:

* Accept: Omai very good

 

(I really wanted this one to turn out well - she's an important dragon in that particular storyline.)

[ShaydraSilversky]

I've had this one for a while and it's never been approved, though I made it during the Description Days, and just noticed it had new comments now.

 

"Anachronism of the Dusk Divide Keep is a very confused dragon. He mentions strange things like "buses" and "telephones", and when he tries to explain these things, the other dragons scoff because they are so blatantly impossible. His worst offense had to be his ravings about the "internet", which had nothing to do with a fishing net and made no sense. Others shun and ignore him, although the hatchlings like listening to him. He has a mate in Encryption, the red nebula who is equally indecipherable."

 

    * Accept:

    * Accept: ~interesting and funny! Very cool concept!

    * Accept:

    * Accept: LOL nice one!

    * Abstain: I don't really get it. confused

 

I'm sorry for your confusion, abstainee, but I guess you don't know the meaning of the word Anachronism? xP

Got more replies.

* Accept:

* Accept: Internet should be capital, I believe, but otherwise it's good c:

* Reject: in medieval times there is no technology such as we have today which is when the dragons period is based in

Sorry rejecter, that is kind of the point of this description. xP of course I didn't mention any technology, just some newfangled nonsense words. Just wanted to put these comments here before I go and capitalize Internet.

[Pinkie]

Recently started work on a new arch of descriptions, the Syv. Thought I'd clear something up here considering the comment I got on this description.

 

"He who is exalted, convinced of false glory and false divinity. Proudly holding his head high as he chains Maytra and patrons to Lako's voracious appetite. He who deprives Tipa of her vitality and sets Ljutina's unrest. Who stirs the bad blood between the brothers and sows discontent in the hearts of both. The root of all evil in this wretched place." -Excerpt: "Shadows of the Syv" Chapter One: Syv Broj Fastosus

The account of Demariks journey through the Vale of Arginare speaks of a single entity that rule the land with an iron fist. Although never directly responsible for lands discord, Fastosus manipulates all the others into doing his bidding.

Fasto is a vain, vile creature in a platinum disguise of purity. In his arrogance he even claims godhood and the others believe his lies.

His lair is high above the entire Vale, yet not a single drop of light hits the structure save the very peak. It is from here Fasto watches his desolate kingdom, determined to one day expand its reaches.

    * Accept: Interesting descrip

    * Abstain: Uh not sure about the excerpt, but fine I guess.

 

See, funny thing is? There is no book called "Shadows of the Syv." Entirely made up by me.

 

On my scroll, I have a dragon called Demarik and he went off to explore this new place Pakao. Upon returning home to the Northern lands he wrote several books on his journeys. The Shadows of the Syv is the first volume of these books, chronalizing his journey through the Vale of Arginare.

 

While I'm at it, I'll explain Fasto and the Syv a little more. The complete name of the Syv is Syv Fristen Synde, roughly translated it means "Seven Deadly Sins." Shouldn't be difficult to guess who Fasto is. He's Pride, the root of all sin. Also, Arginare is meant to be a reference to that.

 

 

[pingytalk]

Tralenin is a very territorial dragon. She cares about her owner very much. Although, she lives in a wasteland like desert, away from her owner most of the time. She is fascinated with glass, and lives in a massive mountain of it in the middle of the desert. Her home is so large now, many other residents try to "move in." This always ends in either rejection, or plain out rage on her part. When she was young, she attacked and killed a magi dragon hatchling who landed on a tree she liked. While this act was cruel and viscious, she justifies it easily, since in the desert, many dragons are much crueler than even herself. Self-protection first, and her owners protection second. To her everything else is just an enemy.

 

Accept: 'Viscious' should be 'vicious'

 

(Its ironic because right before this comment, I redid it because I spelled "viscious" "vicious" on accident and someone pointed THAT out...

Now someones telling me to do the exact opposite and revert it...)

 

[Earth Gurl]

Your Tombstone sits on a small hill- young, lonely, and already forgotten. He wastes away alone, just sitting still. The other stones pay him no mind and he watches the world spinning 'round. Maybe one day, Your Tombstone may have a visitor. This is less than likely.

 

I've had this baby described for months, and it's yet to be accepted. I've gotten lots of comments though~

 

* Accept:

* Accept: I'll visit him.

* Accept:

* Accept: Who forgets about a tombstone, alone alone alone.

* Accept: Poor little stone dragon.

* Accept:

* Accept:

* Accept:

* Accept: lol

* Accept:

* Accept: love it!

* Accept: How sad. I will visit him 'k?

 

I don't seem to understand how you guys can visit Your Tombstone. It's Your Tombstone. Thank you guys for the nice comments, though! I'm trying to figure out if that one comment is an excerpt from a poem or something~

[rubyshoes]

I've had this baby described for months, and it's yet to be accepted. I've gotten lots of comments though~

 

* Accept:

* Accept: I'll visit him.

* Accept:

* Accept: Who forgets about a tombstone, alone alone alone.

* Accept: Poor little stone dragon.

* Accept:

* Accept:

* Accept:

* Accept: lol

* Accept:

* Accept: love it!

* Accept: How sad. I will visit him 'k?

 

I don't seem to understand how you guys can visit Your Tombstone. It's Your Tombstone. Thank you guys for the nice comments, though! I'm trying to figure out if that one comment is an excerpt from a poem or something~

I just approved all of your pending descriptions.

 

Anyone that wishes is free to PM me to review their descriptions.

[MissVampire13]

Tralenin is a very territorial dragon. She cares about her owner very much. Although, she lives in a wasteland like desert, away from her owner most of the time. She is fascinated with glass, and lives in a massive mountain of it in the middle of the desert. Her home is so large now, many other residents try to "move in." This always ends in either rejection, or plain out rage on her part. When she was young, she attacked and killed a magi dragon hatchling who landed on a tree she liked. While this act was cruel and viscious, she justifies it easily, since in the desert, many dragons are much crueler than even herself. Self-protection first, and her owners protection second. To her everything else is just an enemy.

 

Accept: 'Viscious' should be 'vicious'

 

(Its ironic because right before this comment, I redid it because I spelled "viscious" "vicious" on accident and someone pointed THAT out...

Now someones telling me to do the exact opposite and revert it...)

Whoever told you "vicious" was wrong was wrong themselves; it's the correct spelling.

 

Dictionary.com is great for this kind of spelling questions.

[Featherpaw]

Upon reentering the garden of the abandoned mansion that once was home to a mighty dragon spirit, there seemed nothing left to explore. The only thing that appeared to be present was the running of chickens in the nearby forest; nevertheless, curious probing of the garden's landscape continued. It remained malnourished as ever, with the decaying scenery only shifting in the evening's breeze.

The realization that there indeed was nothing further left to examine, the only solution left was to turn back and leave. However, something buried in the shallow earth caused a slip of the foot. It was a worn, old box that had been carelessly tossed into a shallow grave. Once the lid opened, a deceased hatchling laid motionless inside. Faint text was written on the box: "Best before October 28th, 2011".

Accept:

Accept: Great job! *applauds* I love her name. :3

 

 

Thank you very much for the comment, whoever it was <3 Made my day c:

This is my first description without mentioning my dragon's name at all ^-^ I'm glad people can piece together why she's called Expiration

*raises hand* That was me! :3 I lovelovelove that description! x3 It's awesome how you made it seem like part of the Haunted House this year.

Just submitted my first description on this scroll! *excited* Misted Dream was the dragon I described. *hugs* I love Shadow Walkers! <3

[Keriel]

reject: please avoid 2nd person writing

 

WTF everyone uses 2nd person! it's first person we avoid -rage-

 

Knight Arrow, One very loyal dragon indeed. He fights with a passion to keep those he loves safe. Should you dare to so much as think of crossing him or his mate Twiligh, expect your home in flames in the middle of the night with you trapped inside.

He's one of Keriel's best fighters, not only due to skill, but his commitment, passion and intelligence. During one battle he called the troops out "we aren't running scared, we're running to stay alive. If this makes us chicken, I'd rather be chicken than dead" Some do believe him to be chicken after that event, but many praise him. It's not like he gave up, those enemies no longer exist. They didn't expect a night attack from a lone angry Arrow...

 

that was the description :x

 

edit: spots a mistake and fixes

Edited November 21, 2011 by Keriel

[Earth Gurl]

Coursing with nearly feminine beauty, McCartney's Wish is a dragon to behold. His wide pale blue eyes glitter like gems and his scales shimmer with such luster that they are unmatched by any other dragon in the cave. However, he is seen so very rarely that if any dragon happens to catch glimpse of him, he will cry, "It's the lustrous one! Make a wish!" He tucks away amidst the clouds or hides upon a hill out of sight and out of mind. The only other dragons who see much of him are his close companions Linda's Legacy and Lennon's Luck.

 

Accept: Lol Beatles reference? Anyways, nice description!

 

Ahhhh~! I love it when people pick up on my obvious Beatles references!

[Gsea]

Earlier I described one of my Pillows, and have been anxiously checking for comments.

 

Many are often deceived by the gruff voice that greets them in the cozy, candlelit corner of the cave in which the Pillow dragons relax and rest, but it is only Fuzzums beckoning the newcomers. He is slightly larger than most Pillows, and his thick, luxurious fur only adds bulk, and for this reason he seems slightly intimidating. However, Fuzzums is an easygoing dragon, not to mention lazy. His favorite things to do include stretching out in the sun to warm the fur on his belly and curling up in the shady area of his cave designated for his fellow Pillows. He is always present for the hatching of new Pillows, for he knows that when they grow up they will join him and the other Pillow dragons in their steadily growing army. Fuzzums is a sort of fatherly figure to all the dragons, and of course, he is nice to sleep next to on a chilly night!

 

User Comments

Accept: awwww....

Accept:

 

D'aww, I love seeing comments like this. I think the fact that he's a Pillow may have something to do with the "aww" factor, but all the same, they encourage me to write more descriptions <3

 

---

 

Shortly after, I described another Pillow.

 

Bear Hug is, so to speak, the second in command of the Pillow army. She is the faithful mate of Fuzzums- not only that, but also a very motherly dragon. Her maternal nature makes the hatchlings look up to her as their role model and their caretaker. She is known for being nurturing and kind. However, she's not quite as easygoing as her mate. Bear Hug knows that hatchlings need discipline even at an early age, so when she catches a youngster doing something naughty, she will reinforce the unspoken rules of her cave and scold them appropriately. A scolding from Bear Hug is enough to make any hatchling behave, not because she is harsh, but because she is reasonable. In addition, every hatchling listens to her because none of them would want to disappoint her, for she loves them all dearly.

 

User Comments

Accept:

Abstain: cute dragon, work on the discription a little.

 

Well, thank you for the comment as to why you chose to abstain it, but...how can I work on the description? I know I'm not the best writer, but this description follows all the rules, has proper spelling and grammar, and sums up my dragon. I don't see how I can work on it any further...? Eh. Maybe I'm just being grouchy but I wish people would give me more constructive criticism than "work on it." Also, if you're going to critique me, I'd like it if you could at least spell things correctly. Discription? -___- /grammar freak

Edited November 25, 2011 by glamoursea2

[ADN6]

These descriptions go with this one, which I wrote earlier today (It got approved by a moderator within 5 minutes) for I am Tiny but Mighty.

Bugzee is a member of the band Mighty's Tinys. His main job is to back up Pumpkin Pie Fetish and Mighty, the two main singers, by saying, "Uh huh, uh huh."

Other than that, he doesn't really contribute much to the band, other than nodding his head to the beat and occasionally bringing in snacks.

Reject: adorable, but it needs to be more realistic to the ara and dragon based.

Abstain: I don't know if dragons can sing since they just use telepathy and don't really talk verbally.

Ruby Shadow is the drummer in the band Mighty's Tinys. She doesn't talk much, but her skills at setting beats of all kinds are completely unmatched.

Because of her quiet and (sometimes) brooding demeanor, Ruby Shadow is often the subject of much gossip, even among her band mates, for no one can really say that they know her.

Reject: this is the second migty's tinys band player i have seen, NO, this is inapropriet and does not suit this game!

Frankly, this one comes off extremely rude... I'm guessing this is the same rejecter as before, as I have had no other rejects... Unless some one rejected Mighty's description right before it got approved?

 

I'd really like some input...

I don't think having a band goes against the description guidelines. It's not like I'm mentioning electric guitars or anything modern-day.

As you can see, I am Tiny but Mighty's description got approved, and it mentioned singing, so I am pretty sure that the singing thing is ok. And by drumming, I mean using hollow logs, rocks, etc. Should I add the hollow log thing to Ruby Shadow's description?

Also, I've described a few other dragons in the "Mighty's Tinys" band, and they've all got accepts, not rejects. So I guess I can assume that the rejecter hasn't seen them.

Thanks for any comments!

 

EDIT: Wow, those both just got approved (In fact, all my pending descriptions got approved!!!!!!!!!)! Thank you whoever approved them!!!!

I guess they did suit the game and were not inappropriate! ...Sorry, I'm a still a little bit sore about that one reject.

Edited November 26, 2011 by ADN6

[StarSea]

I need a little help... Here is my description

Southern Queen of Night is one of the two queens of night. She guards the southern hemisphere during the night with her forever mate, Southern King of Night. As the sun sets, the two take the places of Southern King of Day and Southern Queen of Day. They begin with a slow dance and as they twine around each other, a song is started as a low hum from GhostHaze as he seeps from the shadows. He is soon joined by FadingHeart and they slowly come into tune. The two continue to twine and spiral around each other as they lift high into the sky. As they twirl, rays of moonlight fly off of their scales and light up the forest with a thousand eyes of gold. The owls hidden in their burrows shuffle out and join in the song with soft hoots. As coyotes prowl through the forest and come across the beautiful sound and display, they howl to the moon joining their voice into the chorus. As the night wades and the sun rises, small birds chirp for the final notes leaving the forest silent in awe. Few have heard the song of the midnight dance and fewer have seen the dance of the night warders. Their duty done, the two gradually descend to their cave to take their place in the land of forever peace; sleep. This is the tale of the night warder's dance and peaceful night song done every night by Southern Queen of Night and her forever mate. The few that have unintentionally heard the song of peaceful night have never been full again. Their soul was slowly seeped from them and they walk in shadows now with FadingHeart and GhostHaze. Luckily, you are intended to hear it tonight.

 

It was rejected for being to long and a few errors that I caught as soon as I submited it. The space that was crossed out is what was cut off. Can someone help me shrink it and make it still about the same thing? It was also commented as overpowered. (Thanks SPS by the way. I caught the errors after I submited it and I resubmited it with the errors fixed, but it looks like you didn't see it.) The crosed out area says 'heard the song of the midnight dance and fewer have seen the dance of the night warders. Their duty done, the two gradually descend to their cave to take their place in the land of forever peace; sleep. This is the tale of the night warder's dance and peaceful night song done every night by Southern Queen of Night and her forever mate. The few that have unintentionally heard the song of peaceful night have never been full again. Their soul was slowly seeped from them and they walk in shadows now with FadingHeart and GhostHaze. Luckily, you are intended to hear it tonight.' if you can't read throught the line. If this is not how I am supposed to have it up here, then tell me and I will get rid of it. Thank you!

Edited November 28, 2011 by StarSea