Description comments

[Dirtytabs]

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Straddle is a retired adventurer. Many tales have been told and songs sung about her exploits and eye-catching or heroic deeds. Now she is the director of events at Echo Network and enjoys sharing the wisdom she acquired during those adventurous years... and retelling tales her colleagues, boss, and other townsfolk have heard countless times. Maybe she can un-retire and go traveling again to acquire more experiences and fame and leave Echo alone for a bit.

 

Reject: "director" "network" Getting around the guidelines by making modern things "magic," seems a gray area at best. I like the direction, but I think it should be revised to be more in theme.

In theme with what? Director: "One who directs"; Network: "Any interconnected group or system", like, say, a network of caves. I didn't even mention magic.

Edited August 29, 2020 by Dirtytabs

[Kakaru_of_DOOM]

Don't worry, Tabs. I think your commenter is annoyed at my Blusang Broadcasting Coalition.

Legwyrm got a spellbook for her hatchday one year that included a spell to record a memory of sights and sounds onto a piece of light mana. She had a source of light mana a short flight from the family weyr, so she got some small mana crystals and gave the technique a try. Before long, she began tinkering with splitting and melding these mana records to make stories and got the idea to broadcast these so that anyone with a scrying pool or crystal ball could tune in. With help from her mother and a friend named Tsebio, she began the Blusang Broadcasting Coalition. Their service took off and soon they were hiring staff to help produce and distribute material. From the beginning Legwyrm was better at assessing quality material than producing it herself, so the transition to management was natural for her. She is always looking for new material and listening to what viewers want to see. She also schedules what is broadcast over the air mana when.

• Abstain: It's very good, but I'm not sure an attempt to replicate modern technology is quite in theme. I'll abstain.
• Accept:
• Reject: When what? Also THIS ISNT PERN! There are no weyrs

And my pun.

Cequs started out using her earth mana to shape clamps and other, similar grippers from start to finish, but nowadays she has enough demand that she has a small company working for her and only steps in for quality control, smoothing out the threads and making sure the grippers are smooth. Woodworkers and metalsmiths who use her products for their own production processes appreciate these final touches, which is why business is so good. She can't think of a good name for her group, so for the time being the company is nameless. Still, she is in charge, so while her employees may suggest names, she has the final say. It is hard to call her CEO of a company that doesn't have a name, so everyone refers to her as the vice president.

• Accept: I really like that they just call her the vice president.
• Reject: This seems like an obvious circumvention of the intended medieval theme, using "but it's magic" as an excuse. I abstained another one like this, but this one, despite good writing, I feel to reject.

(As an aside, does anyone know when clamps were invented? Is this actually anachronistic? I mean, I know gears were around, so theoretically it wouldn't be much of a stretch, but... *shrug*.)

But then, I also got a similarly-annoyed comment on a dragon who runs a coffee shop, because apparently coffee is dubious in its period-appropriateness.

 

"I saw the new building going up in downtown today," Porceus said to his neighbour.

Zehquig nodded. "I heard it's going to be a coffee shop."

"But coffee doesn't grow in Lloyprij. The new owner must be a magi to teleport it in."

Alas, the new owner was not a magi. Fortunately, she didn't need to be. xpRlP orders her beans from Star Doe's Coffee, and Star Doe's teleports them in along with all the Star Doe's baked goods and merchandise the shop needs. xpRlP has rejected the standard-issue wall decorations in favour of coffee-themed slogans, her favourite being "Coffee: you can sleep when you're dead." She illustrates this with a cartoony face with a cup of coffee sticking its tongue out at a gravestone, a design which reflects her name. Rumour has it that Star Doe does not approve of these decorations and xpRlP takes everything down in a caffeine-fuelled panic when she suspects that there will be an inspection of her shop, only to put everything back up afterwards in a new place.

Reject: I could see coffee being included, but it would take much more contextualizing than this, I think. It's a good idea, but I recommend revising (and naming the dragon).

 

(For context: Porceus - Zehquig - Star Doe's Coffee group)

I don't know if coffee was in Europe or not during the medieval era, but it was being consumed in other parts of the world by then. I tried to ask about magical advancement and supernatural conveniences on the AMA thread and so far no response. Going by my approved descriptions, though, none of these are outlandish.

[Paintra]

1 hour ago, Kakaru_of_DOOM said:

• Reject: When what? Also THIS ISNT PERN! There are no weyrs

This comment in particular frustrates me. Even if that's where the term originated, is it really that big of a deal for you to be calling your groups of dragons weyrs? Reminds me of the time someone was frustrated that I was calling my groups of dragons flocks... 

 

And how on earth is a coffee shop ridiculous?! People were consuming chocolate and coffee in South America before Europeans knew it existed...

[Lagie]

Exactly. A weyr is where a dragon is whether it's Pern or not. And lots of my dragons drink coffee, too. This is a reviewer who clearly cannot create outside the box.

[Feathers]

I agree with y'all about the Pern/Weyrs thing -- I've been calling my dragon groups weyrs for years (hehe rhyme) and I don't mean any harm. What's the problem? Would it really be that much better if I made up my own entirely new word for a group of dragons that no one would connect the same meaning to?

[Paintra]

1 hour ago, Feathers said:

I agree with y'all about the Pern/Weyrs thing -- I've been calling my dragon groups weyrs for years (hehe rhyme) and I don't mean any harm. What's the problem? Would it really be that much better if I made up my own entirely new word for a group of dragons that no one would connect the same meaning to?

 

Reminds me of the time someone called their groups of dragons "clans" and someone got on their case because "this isn't warrior cats", like... it's just a word

[Ruby Eyes]

I just noticed this.

https://dragcave.net/view/8vXHW

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Rukmud is the self-proclaimed Dark-Grey Knight. In the evenings, he would perch somewhere with his wings draped around his shoulders, and watch his surroundings. Whenever one of the moons is fully lit up and any kind of flying creature happens to pass between him and said moon, Rukmud would jump up and magically charge his cloud to go and fight crime. His favourite arch nemesis is the fabled Sentient Dust Bunny.

He knows fully well that his growling comments don't make much sense to his peers, but he doesn't really care as long as they let him 'do his job,' and his mate Nicky loves him either way. At least, he keeps their nest dustfree.

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Abstain: This isn't wildly out of theme, but the clear modern-leaning activities make me think twice. I don't want to reject it outright, though; it's certainly entertaining. I'll abstain.

Modern? Someone without a certain tv-shaped (or comic-shaped) frame of reference wouldn't even know ... Or is it the dust bunny?

Thanks for not rejecting though

[Paintra]

4 hours ago, Ruby Eyes said:

Modern? Someone without a certain tv-shaped (or comic-shaped) frame of reference wouldn't even know ... Or is it the dust bunny?

Thanks for not rejecting though

You'd think people don't know what parody is!  

[Feathers]

On 8/31/2020 at 2:42 PM, Paintra said:

You'd think people don't know what parody is!  

 

I swear, a very small minority of commenters reads like this:

 

 

Ruby Eyes, I love that description!

 

 

Edited September 2, 2020 by Feathers

[Kakaru_of_DOOM]

A passing human told WET that "cleanliness is next to godliness". Well, WET is the cleanest individual he knows of, so that would mean one of his neighbours is secretly a god. He is simply not sure who. He thinks it may be one of the dragons who works at the Blusang Broadcasting Coalition, which is headquartered just up the cliff from his weyr. He wants to worship the god, but he is afraid that he might accidentally approach the wrong individual and embarrass himself. He gets nervous thinking about it, and when he's nervous, he whips up bubbles and cleans.

Accept: Maybe WET's the god and didn't realize it. Surely he's been beside himself, you know, with excitement, with joy...

That comment is just so funny, I have to share it.

In other news, from the Madder Jungle:

SZpoC is the most logical neotropical banana in the Madder Jungle - which, given that all neotropicals in the area believe a banana's flavour improves if it is stolen, is not saying much. Still, she is respected for having the ability and patience to get from the sort of facts she and her flockmates hold as truths to their logical conclusion. Once she has deduced the optimal plan of action, she will follow through with whatever she has come up with. Some of her exploits are famous, such as the time when she cut a banana in half, let the two halves get stolen by different flockmates, stole both halves back, glued them back together with peanut butter, and ate the resulting multi-stolen hybrid Franken-banana. Legend has it that fruit was one of the tastiest the jungle has ever produced.

Accept: I don't know why she's a banana and also eats bananas (cannibananalism?) but good!
Accept: I love it

I took the first comment and ran with it:

Bananentine wants to develop a spell to turn bananas into bananas, but the other bananas think that is a really bad idea because someone might accidentally eat a banana that was actually a banana that had been turned into a banana. He thinks that's bananas, and nobody would mistake a banana for a banana even if he or she were transformed into a banana temporarily. A traveller who was rather confused about what was being discussed because banana and banana are homophones heard about the whole situation and cried, "That's cannibananalism!"

Accept: "He thinks that's bananas" made me almost choke! >w< good stuff!
Accept:
Accept: well i would eat the banana-turned-banana, i have no care for consequences

I got a few other assorted amusing comments, too:

All pygmy dragons are small, but BabY3 is abnormally so. He has large wings that make him look like he has the hereditary Peter Pan Syndrome, but he is an adult and loves to show off his endurance. He often flies out to sea to show that he doesn't need to land, which means he is always running into mariners. One in particular, xlil1, keeps catching his eye. He wants to court her, though other mariners tell him that she can be incredibly aggressive during the breeding season. He suspects she is simply trying to show off her virility - overcompensating for her small size - and BabY believes that since he is small, too, he won't trigger her. His flockmates think he is simply asking to get his head clawed off.

Accept: hes baby! i love him. very interesting and well written
Abstain: smol and cute

Ah, yes. BabY is baby. Points for tautology. (I just noticed the other comment is an abstain. I think that might be a misclick?)

A fondness for maths runs in Multiplicitea's family, and she is no exception. She makes her living as a tax preparer, helping dragons who struggle with numbers to figure out how much to pay on their bills. IMproper Capitalisation, the tax collector, always pays extra attention with taxes she has helped prepare because he expects her to be perfect. The two have a friendly rivalry, with both trying to make sure Nworset's government gets the money it needs to fund education, medical care, law enforcement, fire and flood protection, and the other services needed to keep the population healthy and happy while at the same time not overburdening any individual taxpayer. Multiplicitea wishes she had the time to help more than her current clientele because she knows there are individuals who pay too much or too little. She wants everything to be fair so that as many dragons can be happy as possible.

Accept: How can someone like math :0

A good thesis topic for Seven Questions University's Unanswerable department!

I've gotten a number of other comments, and I want to say in general I really appreciate description comments, but I also don't want to flood this thread too much (especially since it hasn't seen much use lately).

[Aniia]

Is it okay to post a description here that I'm working on? If not, just let me know and I'll delete the post. I'm just curious about feedback, since I'd really like the description to be approved.

 

It's for a Holiday-themed lineage I am planning. The lineage itself will be shaped like an Xmas tree (an arrow shape) with Dark Greens in the center and Holiday event breeds on the outsides, and there will be a poem I wrote as sort of a lyrical (?) naming theme. This description would be for the end descendant of the lineage, which I'm thinking at this point will be a Bronze Lunar Herald (for a tree trunk look in the lineage map). Here goes:

 

Crispin journeyed north to a moonlit field of snow, wanting to catch the moon. A single mountain-sized tree rose toward the sky. A bristly golden garland unrolled, inviting Crispin to climb. The hatchling clung to the sparkling bristles with his claws as he wound his way up the great fir, past icicles, baubles, poinsettia blossoms, cookies, candy canes, and colored lights. Crispin felt a thrill of excitement as he saw a great star above. But when he reached the star at the top, the moon was still out of reach! He let out a wail of dismay, but a Snow Angel heard his sorrow. She showed him a little round disk, explaining the moon can't be caught. Instead, she gave him the little reflector, which collected the moon's light and sent it back through a crystal matrix. Crispin looked up. The moon was still in the sky, but the disk in his claws gleamed with moonlight. The joyful hatchling hugged it close to his chest in awe, certain the magic of Yule had brought him a piece of the moon. 

 

NOTES: I know Lunars don't live in forests, that's why its one gigantic tree in an empty field. It's only climbable because its soooo huge and because Crispin is a hatchling still. Crispin is a placeholder name, probably not the final one. I haven't decided yet. Also, I didn't make it explicit in the story since Valkemare is not a modern society, but in my head I picture the moon disk as a simple bicycle reflector. 

[Lagie]

2 hours ago, Aniia said:

Is it okay to post a description here that I'm working on? If not, just let me know and I'll delete the post. I'm just curious about feedback, since I'd really like the description to be approved.

 

It's for a Holiday-themed lineage I am planning. The lineage itself will be shaped like an Xmas tree (an arrow shape) with Dark Greens in the center and Holiday event breeds on the outsides, and there will be a poem I wrote as sort of a lyrical (?) naming theme. This description would be for the end descendant of the lineage, which I'm thinking at this point will be a Bronze Lunar Herald (for a tree trunk look in the lineage map). Here goes:

 

Crispin journeyed north to a moonlit field of snow, wanting to catch the moon. A single mountain-sized tree rose toward the sky. A bristly golden garland unrolled, inviting Crispin to climb. The hatchling clung to the sparkling bristles with his claws as he wound his way up the great fir, past icicles, baubles, poinsettia blossoms, cookies, candy canes, and colored lights. Crispin felt a thrill of excitement as he saw a great star above. But when he reached the star at the top, the moon was still out of reach! He let out a wail of dismay, but a Snow Angel heard his sorrow. She showed him a little round disk, explaining the moon can't be caught. Instead, she gave him the little reflector, which collected the moon's light and sent it back through a crystal matrix. Crispin looked up. The moon was still in the sky, but the disk in his claws gleamed with moonlight. The joyful hatchling hugged it close to his chest in awe, certain the magic of Yule had brought him a piece of the moon. 

 

NOTES: I know Lunars don't live in forests, that's why its one gigantic tree in an empty field. It's only climbable because its soooo huge and because Crispin is a hatchling still. Crispin is a placeholder name, probably not the final one. I haven't decided yet. Also, I didn't make it explicit in the story since Valkemare is not a modern society, but in my head I picture the moon disk as a simple bicycle reflector. 

Aww. That's really cute! And perfect as is.

(The Description Force thread is the bettter one for feedback, but this works, too.)

[Feathers]

Kakaru, I agree that thanking the commenters is important -- I have gotten so many lovely comments from you, and from others in this thread. (There's someone who's run across a few of my descriptions and adds "+1 comment of appreciation" notes!) They truly brighten my day every time -- I love writing these little descriptions and it's so awesome to find comments on them. It means the world to me.

 

Aniia, I think that's a great description! 

[Dirtytabs]

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Really like the worldbuilding for this one! However, I don't think Min's status of helping everyone out fits too well with his species' isolationist nature. Is there perhaps a reason for this?

He can be shy and docile without refusing to help others.  Imagine one of those many stories about The Chosen One (picked by gods or prophecy or whatever), except "they" Chose a One who just wants to live in peace but ends up going on adventures out of a sense of goodness.

[Feathers]

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High atop the peak of the great Aurax's Eye lies a settlement of dragons hidden among the clouds. The dragons who live together at the mountaintop come from several different clans, from the Lunar Heralds, eternally curious, to the Elux Lucis, languidly focused on the present, and more.

 

The Celestial Clan is all about traditions. Starstruck might understand the weight of those traditions better than most. Most Celestials, after all, have names that begin with either 'Heaven' or 'Celestial.' It's the way things have been done for generations. But Starstruck...

 

Well (as he's been told in more or less polite terms by most of his clan), his name would really better suit a Nebula, or a Carina, perhaps. A name that reflects his devotion to his Clan, or perhaps his internal focus on the Celestial Plane, would surely suit him better. He'd fit in better with his Clanmates, too!

 

Wouldn't that be nice.

 

Starstruck prefers his name, and the relative privacy from Celestial matters that it grants.

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• Reject: did he choose his name? if not who named him that and why? i would add more context

I ended up changing this the slightest -- "Most Celestials, after all, choose names..." Does that make sense to folks? Is there more context I should add? 

 

I'll confess I haven't put much thought into how CB dragons receive their names -- I know those dragons technically have parents, but I feel like it's a murky area in the lore, haha.

[Lagie]

6 hours ago, Feathers said:

I ended up changing this the slightest -- "Most Celestials, after all, choose names..." Does that make sense to folks? Is there more context I should add? 

That should suffice!

[Dirtytabs]

Marmalade. That means "great work." ~Storm

 

[Chaos Rider]

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Flower SCHoP has cultivated a greater variety of flowers and creepers than most Vine dragons and prefers to live under a building instead of in a clearing. There, he lays out his flowers on tables, his vines on trellises and places price tags next to everything. Many a gardener has wandered into his shop and while distracted looking at the pretty flowers they fail to notice the vines being wrapped around them until it is too late and they are dragged underground as food for a hungry vine dragon.

• Accept: Looks good! ~Feathers

thanks

[Feathers]

You're welcome, Chaos Rider!

 

And thank you to whomever left this comment!

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The Dark Moon's Desire hatched knowing that her mother suffered. She knew the rules of the Weyr of the Moon, once her home: the Moon's visions decreed which dragons could mate with which, and each pair could bear only a single offspring. Her mother seemed especially hurt by this law: from her hatchlinghood, the Dark Moon's Desire saw her mother's pain, how she recoiled from her mate when he said her name.
They have no real names now, the Dark Moon's Desire or her mother, the Dark Moon herself. One night, from nowhere, all dragons connected by blood to the Dark Moon were cast out from the Weyr they'd been raised in. They lost everything, a small band of only eight dragons turned away from their homes, their mates, their world.
The Dark Moon's Desire, somehow, has handled the exile fairly well. Better than her son, or her mother. In some part of her heart, she always knew that her mother's mating to her father was a terrible tragedy. The sorrow of her hatchlinghood, finally in context.

I'm glad you're enjoying the lore!! I have a whole Internal Throughline of Plot that *should* be consistent across different groups, with hints and connections to some stories in strange places... I love this sort of choose-your-own-reading-order storytelling thing the description system lets me play with.

 

Anyway, thank you for brightening my day with the comment!

[Dirtytabs]

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For a long time, Engh has performed at Mail'e Music Hall and Thelocactus Theater as an elf from a land across the sea. He goes on stage wearing leaves, antlers, long hair, and other accessories and plays "elvish music". Denizens here have never seen an elf, though they've heard of them. Because they have no point of reference, they believe Engh when he says he's part elf. Certainly, his style is unique, with his energy, warm voice, and provocative dance; many people love it. One day, a small committee of menacing yet refined drag-... mons-... individuals visited the Thelocactus Theater, stating that Engh is not elvish and opposing his unseemly species appropriation. His elf shtick and songs were too popular to just completely drop, though, and the parties eventually came to an agreement: Engh can continue to perform as his "elf" persona, as long as 1. the committee gets a small cut of the proceeds, and 2. promos and signage clarify that he isn't a real elf but an elvish impersonator.

 

Accept: I like how the form of elves is kept vague. Are they dragon-like? Humanoid? Something else...?! I don't have a problem with this one.

 

Thanks! I assume that unless TJ explicitly says, "[X mythical thing] definitely doesn't exist on Valkemare", we're allowed to write anything but I like to keep descriptions vague, still.  

[Lagie]

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Never mind the Z in his name, this fellow's name is The Silver Menace, always with the The. In a cave full of monogamous dragons, The Silver Menace stands out for having a different partner every time he's been seen. He swaggers about the cave - "Oh, that manly swagger," gushed one female - swinging his locks about - "Oh, and those blue locks of his," gushed another - and flashing his eyes at any female about - "Oh, the eyes," sighed a third. Females just seem to fall about his feet without his even trying. In between partners, The Silver Menace spends much of his time chatting over a white picket fence with Annie and Liza, all the while wondering why his devastatingly good looks have no effect on them whatsoever.

User Comments

• Accept
• Accept
• Accept
• Accept
• Accept
• Reject (Does Not Describe Dragon)
• Accept

 

Hmm. Guess they want a literal description? Of what we can already see?

 

[Shizuku-chan]

@Lagie That reject on the basis of your description not describing the dragon is unwarranted IMO. Not sure if it's a troll or if their expectations for dragon descriptions are wildly off.

 

 

I got a random reject on the basis of not describing the dragon with no comment too which I'm not sure if it's a troll just doing for the sake of it because I have no idea how my description supposedly 'does not describe dragon' when it has everything to do with the specific dragon in question.

[Lagie]

Yeah. A lot of our descriptions seem to end up with one random user reject. I usually don't worry about them as the accepts nearly always outweigh them.

[StarKaabii]

An impossibly ancient warrior who was once sealed away for fear his power was too great. Renowned as a hero, until his limitless power inevitably began to corrupt him. Imprisoned, placed into an eternal sleep, and left to be forgotten in the farthest reaches of the land for aeons. But one dark, moonless night, he mysteriously awakened. He broke free of his imprisonment, and escaped to reign terror on the world once again with his immense magical prowess, seeking vengeance on the ones who had betrayed him. But for now, he lies in wait, assuming the role of a passive knight, until the day comes where Valkemare is shown the wrath of the Greatest Warrior once more...

 

Reject (Lore/Setting Conflict):

 

This is an older one, but I am finally going to ask what I have wanted to for ages:

... How exactly? Because he, as a Galvanic Wyvern, is described as immensely powerful like Galvanic Wyverns are in canon? Or is it just because I named him after Galacta Knight from the Kirby series and you got the reference but don’t like it? Lol. Funnily enough though, it went on to be my only dragon description that was approved within a week of being written:

https://dragcave.net/view/La2eA

 

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A gentle, quiet dragon, he prefers peace above conflict - yet when needed, he is a very fierce and swift warrior, proving himself a formidable foe indeed. A defender of virtue and the weak, nothing infuriates him more than injustice, but he will still try to persuade the evil over to the side of light ahead of starting battles. He firmly believes that there is good in everyone when given the chance.

 

 

Accept: Sheesh your dragon seems Hella strong I won't lie

 

 

This one made me smile. 

Edited January 12, 2023 by Moonstruck_Starlight

[Lagie]

3 hours ago, Moonstruck_Starlight said:

How exactly?

It may just be the 'Random Rejector'. But now whoever it is has to select a reason. I don't see any issue with the description.