Description comments

[Dirtytabs]

Maybe they reject the existence of zombies as abominations.

[Paintra]

1 hour ago, Dirtytabs said:

Maybe they reject the existence of zombies as abominations.

LMAO, they probably just don't understand zombies, but I got a good laugh out of the concept of someone just being morally opposed to zombie dragons and rejecting their existence.

[Lagie]

On https://dragcave.net/view/QTidy

QTidy is a compulsive tidier-upper. In her own cave, there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. When she visits the caves of other dragons, she has to literally sit upon her own paws or she will find herself compulsively straightening things up. This corner here, that corner there. She has learned the hard way that not everyone appreciates her obsession, but they have slowly learned to appreciate the way she now manages to keep her paws to herself.

 

• Abstain: Try to write the background alongside the personality of the dragon.
• Accept: Well written!
• Accept: Same here, QTidy! ❤️ - Paintra
• Accept:

Background? Seriously?

Thanks, Paintra! and anon.

[Paintra]

16 minutes ago, Lagie said:

On https://dragcave.net/view/QTidy

QTidy is a compulsive tidier-upper. In her own cave, there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. When she visits the caves of other dragons, she has to literally sit upon her own paws or she will find herself compulsively straightening things up. This corner here, that corner there. She has learned the hard way that not everyone appreciates her obsession, but they have slowly learned to appreciate the way she now manages to keep her paws to herself.

 

• Abstain: Try to write the background alongside the personality of the dragon.
• Accept: Well written!
• Accept: Same here, QTidy! ❤️ - Paintra
• Accept:

Background? Seriously?

Thanks, Paintra! and anon.

 

Since when was writing the background a requirement?  I love QTidy, hoping she gets approved soon!

[Dirtytabs]

Quote

An accountant for the Mayor, Daigneault is better known by townsfolk as the guy who does standup at the Half Loop Club on Tuesday nights. He's a quick wit with a lot of tales and saved jokes, and he can keep the most restless and critical audience engaged and wishing his shows were longer. Even a mundane story about collecting twigs is risible when Daigneault tells it, and he has a way of bringing up topics from the beginning of a routine to the end when audiences don't expect it. The owner of the Half Loop Club not too long ago arranged a larger venue to be built outside in the back of the clubhouse, due to the number and size of people who wished to see him, such as the interested pair of wealthy leodons who would be a fire hazard indoors. Daigneault couldn't totally predict how this move could change (or not change) his shows, but one thing was for sure: doing comedy outdoors means no inside jokes.

 

 

Abstain: If you could make it a little shorter that would be great .

 

I've had a lot of "write more" comments (and declined), but this "write less" is a first.

 

[Paintra]

1 hour ago, Dirtytabs said:

I've had a lot of "write more" comments (and declined), but this "write less" is a first.

 

I checked the characters cause I'm curious and you're nearly 100 away from the character limit... Huh? 🤔

[subwoofer]

Quote

Camiluya was once a respected warrior in her clan. But that all changed once she was sent up to Brinstar for a mission. She can no longer remember why as it has been many long years since then.
In Brinstar, she met a Lihnseyre who was running a farm. He was kind to her despite her distrustful attitude, bringing her food and crops and calming her soul. He even nicknamed her Not Having Fun for her uptight demeanor. They spent many days together, and Camiluya bore a Lihnseyre egg. She raised the hatchling with him for a long time, naming her Chicken Friend Rice for the way she would play with the chickens on his farm.
Disaster struck when another member of her clan found her, chasing her and her child away from Brinstar. In her rush, she lost sight of her hatchling, and was sent back to her clan alone. She fell many ranks for her unfaithful actions.
Now, whenever possible, she picks up a copy of the Hallowed Times. She's not sure why, but it calms her soul the same way her love once did.

 

Abstain: I get a good backstory, but I want to know more about the character herself. Also, the warrior cats being in this world and the fact that a cat bore an egg is rather confusing.

Okay, I guess I can understand the first part of the comment. I did mostly just write about backstory here. But... Clans are not only a Warrior Cats thing. Camiluya is not a cat, she wasn't stated to be a cat anywhere, and it wouldn't make sense for a cat to breed with a dragon that ran a farm. If I wanted to write about Warriors, I'd probably just go make a fanfiction instead.

[Paintra]

1 minute ago, subwoofer said:

But... Clans are not only a Warrior Cats thing. Camiluya is not a cat, she wasn't stated to be a cat anywhere, and it wouldn't make sense for a cat to breed with a dragon that ran a farm. If I wanted to write about Warriors, I'd probably just go make a fanfiction instead.

 

Maybe they didn't realize "clan" is a word and not unique to Warriors? 

[Dirtytabs]

Quote

Accept: Dirtytabs, you really have a way with words. This must be my sixth description of yours I’ve reviewed and I can’t get enough

 

Wow. Thanks. 😊 Now I feel pressure to keep being interesting.

[Paintra]

12 hours ago, Dirtytabs said:

 

Wow. Thanks. 😊 Now I feel pressure to keep being interesting.

 

They're right! I always get a kick out of reviewing yours 😛 

[Oltura]

'Soul born in the cold fires of entropy. Writhing body cast in pale fungal rot. A lonely god inhabits the ruins of an ancient civilisation, once great and mighty. Withered form testament to an authored fate, its unseeing eyes echo visions of a paradise lost.'

 

Reject: Please write in complete sentences. I don't see how these sentence fragments Relate to Cadaver of a God.

 

Hm. I'm not usually this person but this is a completely personal issue not a critique xD I guess it doesn't help it's an Omen I'm describing and I decided to be dumb and go with a theme of ambiguity with them. I've done this with other dragons and it's always been fine so...

 

That said I do want to finagle with this more.  I thought I was happy with the original description but a few sentences are bugging me.

Edited July 9, 2020 by Lahabrea
I have too much to say

[Lagie]

9 hours ago, Lahabrea said:

'Soul born in the cold fires of entropy. Writhing body cast in pale fungal rot. A lonely god inhabits the ruins of an ancient civilisation, once great and mighty. Withered form testament to an authored fate, its unseeing eyes echo visions of a paradise lost.'

 

Reject: Please write in complete sentences. I don't see how these sentence fragments Relate to Cadaver of a God.

 

Hm. I'm not usually this person but this is a completely personal issue not a critique xD I guess it doesn't help it's an Omen I'm describing and I decided to be dumb and go with a theme of ambiguity with them. I've done this with other dragons and it's always been fine so...

 

That said I do want to finagle with this more.  I thought I was happy with the original description but a few sentences are bugging me.

I can totally see how the fragments relate to his name (I'm guessing that's his name), but I'm pretty sure had I seen it, I'd be asking for complete sentences too.

[Naruhina_94]

Hi guys is this topic also for sharing some doubts about your own descriptions that are still unpublished? If not,which topic shall I use?

 

Thanks

Edited July 14, 2020 by Naruhina_94

[Lagie]

6 hours ago, Naruhina_94 said:

Hi guys is this topic also for sharing some doubts about your own descriptions that are still unpublished? If not,which topic shall I use?

 

Thanks

Description Force is a better thread for that.

 

Edited July 15, 2020 by Lagie
To add link

[Naruhina_94]

thank you!

[Kakaru_of_DOOM]

Rib9z graduated from Open Medical University outside fo Nworset City as an orthopaedic specialist. By tugging with inverted or enhanced gravity, he can reset broken bones, and he often uses one of his antigravity crystals to help a patient keep weight off of a damaged limb while the bone is recovering. He has found that using his secondary element, electricity, he can stimulate regeneration in a way that improves recovery time for non-magical recovery and mana efficiency if life magic is used as a follow-up treatment. He is constantly frustrated by medical magazines and seminars, the majority of which assume the surgeon has fingers. Some of the more narrow-minded experts from other institutions ask him how he can perform operations without the aforementioned extremities. Rib9z explains to them with an offended sigh, "By winging it."

Reject: Ummmm... they’re not humans. They wouldn’t be in a college. They don’t even know what a college is.

First I'm told there's no enchiladas in Galsreim, now this? What's the point of living for centuries if there are no enchiladas nor colleges? I suppose it's a good thing Rib9z attended a university rather than a college in order to get his degree in medicine. No offence intended to the commenter(s), but the generic description on all full-size one-headed dragons starts: "Dragons are highly intelligent reptilian creatures". I interpret that to mean Valkemarian dragons (excluding drakes) are on average at least as smart as humans.

[Kaini]

I don't see an issue with dragon colleges... they can have businesses and such. Why not learning institutions? *little shrug*

[Lagie]

Yeah. Herk has Delirium Academy, so why not a dragon college? We all anthropomorphise (sp?) our dragons to a certain extent.

[Mathcat]

If dragons can't have institutions of higher learning, then apparently I've been doing descriptions wrong for the past more-than-a-decade. I think I have at least five different universities/academies/etc., with one more languishing in my unsubmitted descriptions.

Edited August 3, 2020 by Mathcat
Small grammar error.

[Dirtytabs]

I think the reviewer simply glossed over the "highly-intelligent" part of the description and probably had the wrong idea about them. I have a lot of approved dragon-at-educational-institution descriptions on my dragons (granted, at least one of them's a sham), so I see nothing wrong with yours.

[Feathers]

Quote

Whitepress imagines her heart to be a black knot of hard stone, buried deep in an ashy, soft chest. This is dramatic. But still, it's her heart, and this is what she sees when she closes her eyes.

Whitepress has known few great loves in her long life, and of these, none remain with her. Before the War, she loved a Daydream, and now she can barely remember his face. She thought that she knew him in all ways, back then, when they were young and fat with the peace of the Old Featherwing Weyr. He was kind to her. He called her beautiful. She would have followed him anywhere he led her, blindly, adoringly.

 

She learned she was the latest of three families of his, the least favored of her mate's mates, even. Her child looked too much like her Daydream.

 

Her son left the Weyr when he grew, gone, never visiting. Her mate stopped living with her once she learned, chosing another mate who cried less. Her feathers began to grow in gray, touching her eyes, her wingtips, her breast. Her heart, too.

 

Accept: Beautifully written. Poor dragon. - KoD

 

KoD, your comments always brighten my day -- thank you for what you do. ❤️

[Ilune Willowlef]

I have this xeno Aquila with a pretty naughtly code (ksxXx), and I named it King Size Aquilo I. Here his description, but it was rejected. Can anyone help me tio understand why? 
PS: english isn't my mothertongue and I'm not very good at writing in english.

"King Size is pretty big for his breed, and he had got his name from this.
He's got a bit dirty mind, too, but he's a faithfull mate for his Queen Utra and a good father for their babies."

[Lagie]

1 hour ago, Ilune Willowlef said:

"King Size is pretty big for his breed, and he had got his name from this.
He's got a bit dirty mind, too, but he's a faithfull mate for his Queen Utra and a good father for their babies."

It's likely a question of the quirky English.

 

"King Size is very large for his breed and his name came from this fact. He has somewhat of a dirty mind, too, but he is a faithful mate for his Queen Utra and a good father to their babies."

[Ilune Willowlef]

10 hours ago, Lagie said:

It's likely a question of the quirky English.

 

"King Size is very large for his breed and his name came from this fact. He has somewhat of a dirty mind, too, but he is a faithful mate for his Queen Utra and a good father to their babies."

Thanks, I corrected the description!

I'm really terrible in writing!

[Lagie]

5 hours ago, Ilune Willowlef said:

Thanks, I corrected the description!

I'm really terrible in writing!

You're welcome! (The story's fine, it's just the English tripping you up. There's a thread called Description Force where you can go for help if needed.   It's here. )

Edited August 19, 2020 by Lagie
To add link