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Dr. Paine

Description comments

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8 hours ago, Earth Gurl said:

 

I usually don't accept descriptions that are narratives like this one. Also, usually when a character in a book thinks, the text is placed in italics, or it is separated from the sentence. As there is no italics, I would suggest putting it in quotes. It is clever, though! Perhaps try something without as much dialogue. :) It's easier to follow without it.

 

I do prefer the way you worded the first sentence. If you look at my original post you can see the description originally had a lot more dialogue; I had to reword it to avoid using question marks. I think I'll stick with something closer to the way the last sentence was originally worded though. I'm not sure what the best way is to describe why but there needs to be a pause between the Magi suggesting the idea and mentioning it. It's like there no suspense if he mentions the whole thing at once.

 

Something more like this:

 

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Farlith thought gold was a nice colour on it's own, but she found it rather boring. She sought the help of a Magi dragon and inquired whether or not it was possible to use magic to give her wings red and green stripes like the other Snow Angels. "Unfortunately, that's not possible," said the Magi. When she protested, the Magi droned on about seemingly random stuff involving male sheep, scrolls, pebbles, and a coat hanger, causing her to doze off. She woke up when he mentioned cookies, but whatever he was talking about was most definitely not baked goods. The Magi did mention that he had another idea however. When she asked him what it was he told her it was paint and held out a brush. She spread her wings and turned away from the Magi so he could paint without her head getting the way. Or so the Magi thought. Instead, facing towards the mouth of the cave she ran away as fast as she could, working her wings so that by the time she cleared the exit she was already airborne.

 

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Also, I don't understand what "She woke up when he mentioned cookies, but whatever he was talking about was most definitely not baked goods" means. What else would it be other than cookies? 

 

It's a reference to how what Snow Angel colour goes with what scroll was figured out before it got changed. http://dragcave.wikia.com/wiki/Talk:Snow_Angel#How_Users_Worked_Out_What_SA_They_Were_To_Receive. Since I can't specifically mention the type of cookie stored on ones computer as that's too modern, I made it part of the Magi's nonsense lecture. From the Snow Angel's point of view she is expecting a plate of cookies and is disappointed when it turns out to be more gibberish.

 

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Is Cerith the dragon's name? The Cerith? What is a Cerith? In this case, I think the dialogue is okay, but this is a bit hard to follow. Maybe make the following changes:

 

Yes Cerith is the dragon's name. I thought it showed you the dragon's name along with it's breed name and sprite? Or at least it does when I review descriptions. I don't see why it would be different for mods.

 

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This is a cute description indeed. 

 

Thanks

 

And another thank you to whichever mod approved this dragon's description. https://dragcave.net/lineage/IVrmd. I wrote the original description years ago and forgot about it until now. When I went to look at it there was a moderator reject suggesting I should flesh it out some more. Thing is I really couldn't think of anything more to add so I figured I'd give it another go as is and if the consensus was the same then I wouldn't bother with it

Edited by Chaos Rider

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12 hours ago, Chaos Rider said:

It's a reference to how what Snow Angel colour goes with what scroll was figured out before it got changed. http://dragcave.wikia.com/wiki/Talk:Snow_Angel#How_Users_Worked_Out_What_SA_They_Were_To_Receive. Since I can't specifically mention the type of cookie stored on ones computer as that's too modern, I made it part of the Magi's nonsense lecture. From the Snow Angel's point of view she is expecting a plate of cookies and is disappointed when it turns out to be more gibberish.

 

Ah okay. That's clever.

12 hours ago, Chaos Rider said:

Yes Cerith is the dragon's name. I thought it showed you the dragon's name along with it's breed name and sprite? Or at least it does when I review descriptions. I don't see why it would be different for mods.

 

I didn't see it in the queue; I just read it here. 

 

12 hours ago, Chaos Rider said:

Thanks

 

And another thank you to whichever mod approved this dragon's description. https://dragcave.net/lineage/IVrmd. I wrote the original description years ago and forgot about it until now. When I went to look at it there was a moderator reject suggesting I should flesh it out some more. Thing is I really couldn't think of anything more to add so I figured I'd give it another go as is and if the consensus was the same then I wouldn't bother with it

 

Both were probably me. I probably ran across it when I approved the other 20,000 descriptions and was moving very quickly. After reading it a couple days ago, I found it sufficient. Gotta break a couple eggs to make an omelet; I probably made tons of mistakes when I was trying to kill the queue. Short descriptions aren't bad, but I usually listen to the comments, and if several people suggest that it is a bit too short, I go along with the consensus. 

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Someone rejected my description for one of my Undead/Zombie Dragons on the grounds that the dragon was dead. I thought that was amusing.

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Mithilesh would like to sell you a palace. In fact, he has "sold" landmarks and highly-visible buildings throughout Galsreim countless times. He's even managed to make a heap of gems by "selling" a parliament house, along with the people inside, to an unsuspecting mark who never saw him again, or at least never saw someone resembling him again. From his mother, Mithilesh inherited the ability to spell-cast with ease, and he occasionally uses his magical skill to create disguises and pose as different individuals. More often, though, he needs no magic at all to trick and cheat people and seems to enjoy the challenge of using just physical disguises and his own wit. He had been found and caught a few times, but he either escaped wherever he was confined or vanished while being transported. To some people, humans and dragons alike, Mithilesh is an immensely clever, strong, and resourceful dragon, a figure to look up to.

 

Abstain: Creative, but not cannon
Reject: Write in third person

 

I can tell a dragon and a cannon apart.

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When Garsath smelt the presence of another dragon on the edges of her territory, she immediately flew towards the intruder to scare them off. But when she was halfway there she suddenly lost the ability to fly, and was forced to stretch out her wings in a barely controlled glide to the ground. Guessing the cause of her loss of lift (for Desipis dragons are too heavy to fly without magic) she opened her mouth to breathe fire and was met with nothing as she had suspected. While walking back to her cave a brown dragon with black wing membranes flew overhead, and she was overcome with awful headaches and dizziness as the world spun around her - much worse than the time she was bitten by that giant spider. Months later, terrorized by the brown dragon and hardly able to feed herself due to being unable to fly, or hunt the way a Desipis normally would, she wants nothing more than to leave the large forested island that is her home, but she can't swim either.

 

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Reject: Doesn't exactly describe the dragon in any way.

 

On the contrary it tells you a lot about the dragon being described. For example said dragon is: female, territorial, a Despis, too big to fly without magic, can normally breathe fire and so on

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Commentless rejections bug me so much. I really wish people would take the time to explain their rejects. 

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On 12/23/2017 at 4:27 AM, Lurhstaap said:

Commentless rejections bug me so much. I really wish people would take the time to explain their rejects. 

 

It honestly should be impossible to reject a description without a comment lol

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I had that thought myself! There are times when I can figure it out by closely examining the desc, but most of the time I just can't work out why the person rejected it. Feedback is needed to improve, people! x.x

 

EDIT: So who else is eagerly writing descriptions for their new CB old holidays the instant they grow up and then hovering anxiously over them to see if they have comments yet? XD I bet very few people are even reviewing descs today, but I can't help iiiitttt.

 

EDIT II: On the desc for one of my shiny new CB Wrappingwings...

 

"

  • Accept: You missed the wrapping wings, too?!? :o

"

Yes, anonymous friend. I managed to miss EVERYTHING BEFORE MISTLETOES. Even though I've had a scroll since February of '09. I am stupeed. Very, very stupeed. And VERY grateful for the re-releases!

Edited by Lurhstaap

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@Earth Gurl

I assume that was you who approved my pending descriptions (if it was then thank you). Either way I checked, nothing got cut off the second Desipis's description so I've resubmitted it

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2 minutes ago, Chaos Rider said:

@Earth Gurl

I assume that was you who approved my pending descriptions (if it was then thank you). Either way I checked, nothing got cut off the second Desipis's description so I've resubmitted it

 

Approved. 

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Dang, those Winter Magis were pending, like, 24 hours, tops. You go, Gurl!

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This was one I got for a Desipis:

 

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"Kxxye spends a majority of her time in a small cave by herself. This is found at the edge of a forest next to a small village. Kxxye enjoys being alone. If a human happens to wander near her cave, she often uses her mind-controlling powers to drive that person to insanity. Inside of her cave, Kxxye has gathered up a small collection of trinkets. These include gold coins, feathers, and pebbles or small rocks. Most of these items come from around the forest where she lives, though some of the rocks come from inside of her cave. Kxxye's collecting habits are most likely the reason why she is so territorial."

 

Abstain: Inside her cave (take out of)

Edited by Orange Sunrise

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2 hours ago, Orange Sunrise said:

This was one I got for a Desipis:

 

Abstain: Inside her cave (take out of)

The reviewer is correct.

 

 

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Four days a week, Chilly Fall walks to the School to teach and tutor students from sunrise to sunset. The administrators have arranged his teaching schedule for him, allot a reasonable number of vacation days, and provide as many meals as he needs, so he is perfectly happy with working like this forever. [...]

 

Accept: the word "allot " is spelled "a lot"

But this reviewer is wrong. XD Too many cases of "alot"s, I presume?

 

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Due to her parentage, Zzt has the natural ability to give people electric shocks. As a child, she was slightly disappointed that her powers were not stronger, and for a few years, she went on little quests to learn more techniques, usually involving stealing something and later being forced by her mother to return the object to its owner. While Zzt has neglected to learn or practice some basic skills (such as etiquette), other dragons can't deny that her lightning magic is comparable to that of a somewhat-sleep-deprived thunder dragon. Her favorite way to dispatch living things (whether enemies or prey, or both) is to freeze them solid and then shatter the ice with a few bolts, though she will admit that this is a little bit messy.

 

Reject: It really doesn't make much sense that she'd be able to give electric shocks. Even though one of her parents is a Thunder Dragon.

I disagree. It's magic. You can be "naturally gifted" in something but decide to take another path. I said in the description that 1) the dragon's dad is a Lightning-affiliated breed, so she can believably inherit some of his traits, 2) she's comparatively weak in Lightning magic, 3) she has practiced that element of magic so much that she's neglected some important skills, and 4) she is still better in her element (Ice).

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31 minutes ago, Dirtytabs said:

The reviewer is correct.

I just realized that the reviewer meant to take the word "of" out of the sentence. I previously spent a few minutes looking at the comment and wondering what they had meant. :lol: In my defense, I was tired earlier. Anyways, I have now fixed the description. Thank you to whoever the reviewer was!

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Also in your defense, the comment is harder to parse without some quotation marks. :) 

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58 minutes ago, Dirtytabs said:

Also in your defense, the comment is harder to parse without some quotation marks. :) 

That might have been me. I was reviewing on my phone and I'm inclined to leave bits out when I do that.

Sorry for the confusion!

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On Nardoda Vinci:

Nardoda would love to be an artist. From the time she was a hatchling, she was always drawing stick dragons in the sands of the hatchery. Nardoda's main problem with this treasured goal of hers is that even as an adult she is still drawing stick dragons, and not very good ones at that. This hasn't stopped her from setting up a small stall outside her cave and 'peddling her wares,' as she puts it. She is sure someday somedragon with the right artistic vision will come past and discover her great works.

 

Accept:

Accept: Shouldn't it be “some dragon”?

Accept: I believe in her

 

Nope. It's somebody, one word, so somedragon! :P 

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The desc just got approved and I forget who it was, but I got this on one of my recent Christmas CB descs... "Maybe say who Lurhstaap is?" I had no idea how to react to that. First, I don't hide my scroll name, so when you're viewing the dragon's page and seeing the description in context when t's approved, my name is right there in front of the person's face as Owner: Lurhstaap. Y'know? So spending too much of the dragon's desc on my own self-insert character rather than the actual dragon seemed both redundant and vaguely off-topic (re: "Actually Describe Your Dragon" rule). Also, I write a lot of descs. My approved descriptions group currently contains 138 dragons, and every time my Pending clears I add more. So what do I do, describe myself each time? It just seemed impractical as a general suggestion, and I didn't see why that particular dragon specially needed it. Not annoyed so much as just puzzled?

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2 minutes ago, Lurhstaap said:

The desc just got approved and I forget who it was, but I got this on one of my recent Christmas CB descs... "Maybe say who Lurhstaap is?" I had no idea how to react to that. First, I don't hide my scroll name, so when you're viewing the dragon's page and seeing the description in context when t's approved, my name is right there in front of the person's face as Owner: Lurhstaap. Y'know? So spending too much of the dragon's desc on my own self-insert character rather than the actual dragon seemed both redundant and vaguely off-topic (re: "Actually Describe Your Dragon" rule). Also, I write a lot of descs. My approved descriptions group currently contains 138 dragons, and every time my Pending clears I add more. So what do I do, describe myself each time? It just seemed impractical as a general suggestion, and I didn't see why that particular dragon specially needed it. Not annoyed so much as just puzzled?

 

I saw that, don't worry about it. I ignore dumb comments.

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Descriptions frequently mention "So-and-so's dragons", "So-and-so's scroll", etc. Those are always automatically OK unless they break some other rule in the guidelines. I would assume the reviewer is new to reviewing.

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Pending Desc: 

Briny Embrace is a dragon with a problem, and she doesn't know what to do about it. Called Brine by her friends, this sweet, loyal creature is an unusual example of her kind. She rarely steals, and always makes sure that the recipient of her gifts knows who they came from. She is in love, and invests her energies exclusively into wooing her chosen mate. The unfortunate part is that her chosen mate is a Blusang Lindwurm named Iridescent Art. The first time they were together, it was during the Festival of Love, and the two shared dragonwine, which lead the otherwise solitary lindwyrm to behave more affectionately than normal. When the festival ended and his mind cleared, he was embarrassed by his own behavior and fled from Brine, rejecting her. She was heartbroken. Sometimes Brine considers moving on. But each year, at the Festival of Love, Iri visits her - with wine. So she retains hope that maybe he will accept her fully... someday. In the meantime, she continues to bring him gifts.

 

  • Reject: Heartstealing dragons steal in their encyclopedia descriptions. Nice backstory though!

...

 

"... Brine ...is an unusual example of her kind. She rarely steals,"

 

I think... that was the entire purpose of that line. The one -directly- before the line where it mentions she rarely steals. Also, note it doesn't say she NEVER steals. Only that she does so rarely compared to others of the same species. 

 

Stuff like this shouldn't get under my skin, but it really does annoy me a little. I put a lot of work into my descs and I'm pretty meticulous about knowing my DC lore, where it exists. I've been playing since red dragons were commonly nicknamed Fires. It's just like... thanks, I KNOW Heartstealings steal. It's kind of right in their name. That's why I made a point of noting that she's "unusual". 

 

Blah.

 

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An accident with a peach when Peach and Mint was young left her traumatized and terrified of peaches. Whenever she sees one, she attempts to hide, but if that is not an option, she freezes in place and cries out for help. This exasperates many of the Mints, but she makes up for it by being remarkably helpful and level-headed when there are no peaches in sight.

I made this in about five minutes, but I've gotten 2 accepts, so I'm hoping that it's good enough.

 

Accept:

Accept: look at the peaches. they're round....the shape of eviilll

 

Not sure if that second one is a reference or something, but it was funny.

 

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Favorites refuses to speak to, or even acknowledge, any dragons that are not Mints. She will stare past them like they are not there, and will not respond to them if they try to talk to her. She has an unfortunate tendency to get herself into sticky situations, but will not accept help unless it is from Mints. The Mints often have to come up with some lengthy and strenuous way of helping her, because they can't do much for her on their own.

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept: Mine, too!

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

 

This has taken a while. Look at all of those accepts!

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9 hours ago, Peachycupcake525 said:

This has taken a while. Look at all of those accepts!

 

Sorry, friends. :) IRL has been quite hectic, but I did knock out like 300 the other day. We're at like 200 rn.

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