Description comments

[Peachycupcake525]

1 hour ago, ThermoDanone said:

Um, unfortunately, I didn't save the comments for my case, but I want to share it anyways.

So I have a fictional island where the dragons of my scroll live, the Galtchick island. Because of this, I often use this name in my dragon descriptions, but the last one I made was rejected by mods with a message saying (not the exact quote but something very close to it) "I don't understand the thing about Galtchick. Has it ever been referenced in DC events? I don't think it has. Rejecting."

 

I have 8 more dragons with their description approved and they also mentioned Galtchick island. And I saw plenty of other fictional names in other approved descriptions. 

I'm scared to use it now, but since I'm in a phase of describing the kings&queens who share this island's land, this is really hard to do. Can I use it?

Yes, that's fine I believe. Lots of people do. If the others were approved, then it is probably okay. I can understand missing that in one or two if it wasn't allowed, but eight pretty much guarantees to me that it's fine.

[TheTrueMilkyBeast]

Thanks!

[Earth Gurl]

7 hours ago, ThermoDanone said:

Um, unfortunately, I didn't save the comments for my case, but I want to share it anyways.

So I have a fictional island where the dragons of my scroll live, the Galtchick island. Because of this, I often use this name in my dragon descriptions, but the last one I made was rejected by mods with a message saying (not the exact quote but something very close to it) "I don't understand the thing about Galtchick. Has it ever been referenced in DC events? I don't think it has. Rejecting."

 

I have 8 more dragons with their description approved and they also mentioned Galtchick island. And I saw plenty of other fictional names in other approved descriptions. 

I'm scared to use it now, but since I'm in a phase of describing the kings&queens who share this island's land, this is really hard to do. Can I use it?

 

I always accept fictional place names (I have several myself). You should be fine using them. Just don't reference Earth. 

[Fortune86]

I managed to summon a male and female Sinomorph dragon today (huzzah). I named them both, but became a bit stumped when it cane to writing a description for them. I wanted to keep it enigmatic and ended up giving them both the exact same write up. Is this allowed?

 

No one can remember about this dragon. That they existed is all that is known, in a time before even the clan's eldest dragon's memory. Some things are forgotten for a reason, and must remain so. 

[Earth Gurl]

22 minutes ago, Fortune86 said:

I managed to summon a male and female Sinomorph dragon today (huzzah). I named them both, but became a bit stumped when it cane to writing a description for them. I wanted to keep it enigmatic and ended up giving them both the exact same write up. Is this allowed?

 

No one can remember about this dragon. That they existed is all that is known, in a time before even the clan's eldest dragon's memory. Some things are forgotten for a reason, and must remain so. 

 

This doesn't really tell me much about the dragons individually and reads like a description of the entire breed. How do the two Sinos interact with each other? Delve into the horrible things that happened in the past? Maybe there was a cataclysmic war in the clan, wiping out most of the clan and the two Sinos were somehow involved? Maybe like a Groudon/Kyogre/Rayquayza deal? The Zyus summoned them to save the clan? Idk there's so many possibilities!  

[Fortune86]

2 minutes ago, Earth Gurl said:

 

This doesn't really tell me much about the dragons individually and reads like a description of the entire breed. How do the two Sinos interact with each other? Delve into the horrible things that happened in the past? Maybe there was a cataclysmic war in the clan, wiping out most of the clan and the two Sinos were somehow involved? Maybe like a Groudon/Kyogre/Rayquayza deal? The Zyus summoned them to save the clan? Idk there's so many possibilities!  

 

That's the thing. I don't want there to be a 'backstory' because no one knows what it is. It's all been lost and forgotten. 

[Dirtytabs]

Descriptions do have to be unique. They can be very similar but not interchangeable. From what you have, can you not even elaborate why "some things are forgotten"? If anyone's tried to find out more about one? If any attempt to record them just disappeared...? Or you can describe them as enigmatic/long-forgotten but phrased differently or in a different point of view.

[Dirtytabs]

Quote

 

When an unwitting creature wades in one of the many the shallow areas of the lake, Stop Drowning and Stand Up gives it a scare by popping out and not eating it. If the victim is a certain size, there's a good chance it'll stumble and splash around in the water that is no higher than their knees. To the silly animal, the heads say in unison, "Stop drowning, and stand up". They then gargle mirthfully at their funny joke as the target sheepishly stands up. This is how the dragon introduces herself to strangers whom she isn't interested in hurting. In fact, Stop Drowning and Stand Up's targets are often perfectly safe: the water they're in is too shallow for her to swim through without risking getting stranded aground. Her "close" friends know this well and are brave enough to get a little "closer" to her while they chat, but even they pay attention to the water level and back out if they feel they're deep enough to be in snapping range.

 

Abstain: Baikala don't live in shallow places.

 

 

Heyoooo. Most of the description explains that she doesn't live in shallow water.

[Lagie]

Someone's comment on Nolti - https://dragcave.net/view/N0LTl - was that my last line was a long.  (Thank you to whichever mod approved it!)

Guess what showed up in my Facebook feed today?

An ad for a local shop selling... a pineapple!

"LARGE WELCOME PINEAPPLE. I have always liked the tropical symbol for hospitality ... the pineapple. Since they say that the pineapple originated in The Bahamas (something which I have never been able to confirm) that would also make it uniquely Bahamian. This is a very large, heavy, solid brass pineapple welcoming plaque that would look fabulous on any front door, or on the wall close by."

 

And on Let Them Eat Cake:

Cake. Chocolate cake. Vanilla cake. Amaretto cake. Even fancy stuff like tiramisu and assorted cookies. Cake loves to bake. She spends hours in the cave's kitchens trying to perfect each recipe. The mess of flour and eggs and other ingredients that Cake leaves behind takes Kit hours to clean up. Kit tolerates it only because the other dragons love Cake's cakes when they're done.

 

Accept: Caaaaaake

Accept:

Accept:

Accept: Seems a little odd for a dragon in medieval times, but I freaking love this description

Accept:

 

Edited September 24, 2017 by Lagie

[Dirtytabs]

Quote

 

This dragon loves playing with a yoyo that she received as a gift. Throw it, spin it, make shapes with the string - what fun! The other dragons in her pack don't understand what she sees in this strange, round object and think it's undignified for her to play with human-made toys.
Lately, some dragons have tried to teach their peer to write, to give her something else to do in her spare time beside waving that yoyo around. She has been a slow learner and seems to have the hardest time understanding what articles are for: she often places "a", "and", and "the" after the noun phrase, and it drives her teachers up a tree.

 

Moderator Reject: Yoyo is kind of a modern term. Apparently in ancient times, a similar toy was called a "bandalore". If you wanna change it, that would be great, otherwise it's not a HUGE deal, just resubmit it.

 

 

But, but, mod! (whom I assume is EG but possibly not) Her code! :c

If I were to be very super-dooper nitpicky about terminology, there's likely no word in any description that isn't a modern term. It's hard to find a non-scholarly-type who can read Beowulf without translation. So when it comes to terms that exist long after the analogous time period, as long as the concept exists (or is feasible on Valkemare), to me, descriptions are conveniently translated to modern English for us Earthlings and would look much different if an in-story individual wrote it.

I think after that spiel you know I will resubmit it without changes.  

[Chaos Rider]

I fixed some grammatical errors that were bugging me so thought I'd post my Lunar Herald's description here so I don't lose what the comments were:

 

"But it's not an illusion. I really do have four wings like you" said the Cerith to the visiting Nhiostrife. "Left wing" she said as she flapped her left wing, then "Right wing", as she flapped her right. "If that wing was the right wing then this wing must be the wrong wing" continued Cerith as she flapped the first wing again. "No, you already flapped that wing" said the Nhiostrife. "No I didn't, I flapped the opposite wing. Wrong is the opposite of right you see" said Cerith. "And this wing" she said as she flapped her right wing again. "This wing is the other one. That makes four: left, right, wrong and other."

 

Accept:

Accept: This cracked me up laughing!

[Lurhstaap]

So... Someone doesn't think this is PG? I thought it was extremely tame. It doesn't say anything more than the site itself does, really (that dragons sometimes make babies.)

 

"Like her pack-sister Nepenthe, Rafflesia loves the steamy, dark tangle of a dense tropical forest. As a fellow Alpha Female of the Revenga tribe-pack, she could just as easily have her own jungle court, but she's much more solitary, preferring to explore the depths of the tangled wood. Rafflesia loves to stalk and pursue the most challenging prey available using one-hit-kill ambush tactics and doesn't attack until she's figured out the target's weaknesses. When she's stalking a male dragon and doesn't find a serious weakness quickly, she tends to become infatuated, and uses her guile to lure the male into dallying with her long enough to give her an egg. A really powerful male may become a favorite to whom she returns more than once. Her favorites find her both alluring and frightening, like a succubus tempting them into delicious yet very real danger. It's said that she has even seduced one of the most respected of the elder Silver dragons. This is a minor scandal."

 

Also, my other Caligene with a pending desc right now got one...

 

"One of the original Alpha Males of the tribe-pack of Revenga, Sandstorm's egg was found in the depths of a windswept, barren desert. Like the desert from which he came, Sandstorm is a gritty, hot-tempered individual, so most dragons dislike and avoid him, yet some see a kind of stark, primordial beauty in him, drawn to bask in the heat of his presence. He has no patience for politicking and complex schemes (though he is quite capable of understanding them and isn't easily victimized). A keen observer, Sandstorm chooses certain Revenga - mostly Caligenes, but also worthy tribe members of other species - to staff an elite corps of scouts, hunters, and assassins. The nameless corps hunts prey to feed the tribe, and patrols both Revenga territory and the greater Breedery territory's boundaries. If the Breedery is attacked by an organized force, the corps will try to assassinate the leaders of the enemy host before the Black dragons and other front line warrior species launch their assault."

 

Accept: At the end, try to include how Sandstorm fits into the ranking.

 

... That was the first thing I wrote. Alpha. Male. *headdesk*

 

And one of my Black Dragons...

"Spooky Mask is mischief personified. Loving nothing more than a good startle prank, Spook is one of those dragons that half the Breedery loves and the other half loathes. The more violent beasts have been expressly forbidden to kill her by Lurhstaap himself; she's made herself just that unpopular with her antics. Dragons with a similar sense of humor love her, though. Among her fellow black dragons her renown is mildly positive overall - though not highly respected, she does find ways to use her penchant for ambush and surprise in battle, which is worth a nod from her warrior peers. She's a champion dirty fighter, of course, so few want to spar with her, but when important patrols or battles are at hand, Spook is always invited (albeit a bit grudgingly). At home, most just try to avoid falling for one of her pranks. Slight paranoia has become common at the Breedery since Spook came to live there."

 

Reject: Spoopy

???? Seriously?

And:

Abstain: "expressively forbidden"

... Uh... No. It's actually correct as written, thanks.

 

"Summit-Shadow lurks incessantly on the rocky slopes of the Breedery, prowling from one stony spire to the next as she spies on the goings-on below. Her obsessive watching is annoying to some dragons, but she is considered useful by her kin. She is often the first Black dragon to notice a distant threat approaching, or to receive the first reports from members of those other dragon species that scout for the Breedery. She isn't among the higher ranked black dragons, but her place in their society is more secure than her solitary behavior would otherwise imply. Cold and quiet, Summit-Shadow speaks in whispers only. Her warnings are spells that carry her murmuring voice instantly to the minds of her kin. If necessary, she can alert all Breedery dragons at once with a howl, but she prefers not to vocalize, so her high, ululating cry has come to symbolize disaster to Breeder dragons. Even the Desipis clans take notice on the rare occasions that Summit-Shadow is forced to howl."

The original version of this was phrased 'Even the Desipis take notice when...' I was using Desipis as plural because 'Desipises' sounds terrible to me and 'Desipi' is silly. But of course someone complained that it should be 'takes notice' because 'Desipis is singular'. I had hoped that people would understand that the use of 'take' would indicate that I meant Desipis in the plural... As usual I am proven wrong. I don't know why but this one particularly bugged me. I think it was the tone. The person sounded kind of condescending.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Lurhstaap

[DigitalGarden]

2 hours ago, Lurhstaap said:

So... Someone doesn't think this is PG? I thought it was extremely tame. It doesn't say anything more than the site itself does, really (that dragons sometimes make babies.)

 

(snip)

 

And one of my Black Dragons...

"Spooky Mask is mischief personified. Loving nothing more than a good startle prank, Spook is one of those dragons that half the Breedery loves and the other half loathes. The more violent beasts have been expressly forbidden to kill her by Lurhstaap himself; she's made herself just that unpopular with her antics. Dragons with a similar sense of humor love her, though. Among her fellow black dragons her renown is mildly positive overall - though not highly respected, she does find ways to use her penchant for ambush and surprise in battle, which is worth a nod from her warrior peers. She's a champion dirty fighter, of course, so few want to spar with her, but when important patrols or battles are at hand, Spook is always invited (albeit a bit grudgingly). At home, most just try to avoid falling for one of her pranks. Slight paranoia has become common at the Breedery since Spook came to live there."

 

Reject: Spoopy

???? Seriously?

And:

Abstain: "expressively forbidden"

... Uh... No. It's actually correct as written, thanks.

The spooky/spoopy part seems to be a little bit of... an overreaction from the person's side. While globally the word isn't malicious, I have heard that in some communities, "spooky/spook" for some weird reason is a vulgar word meaning a Black man (and guess what, they've BANNED the use of the word at all on Flight Rising only for that reason... regardless from the fact that most people don't use the word as a slur, but in a positive/neutral/halloweeny meaning!). I assume the person reviewing the description connected a totally wrong set of dots, maybe they live where the word is used inappropriately or something. I wouldn't worry that much though tbh, your intentions are clearly NOT to hurt anyone's feelings here.

[Lurhstaap]

Gahhhhh. Last night, I decided I wanted to write a few descs. I figured since two of my five undead dragons have approved descs, I should get the other two set up. I did my best to come up with relatively originally stuff, even. This afternoon I check to see if there are any comments yet. Two out of three of the zombies got this as one of only two reactions so far:

 

Reject: it ded (sic; 'it's dead')

 

No... No, they aren't. Can people maybe click through to check before doing this, please? Once wouldn't have bothered me much, but two out of three? And it's clearly the same person. It also wouldn't matter so much if there weren't a post in this thread about a mod reject of a zombie desc for this very reason. I put time into those, man. If they get rejected, I'd like it to be for cause.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Lurhstaap

[Dirtytabs]

11 hours ago, Lurhstaap said:

The original version of this was phrased 'Even the Desipis take notice when...' I was using Desipis as plural because 'Desipises' sounds terrible to me and 'Desipi' is silly. But of course someone complained that it should be 'takes notice' because 'Desipis is singular'. I had hoped that people would understand that the use of 'take' would indicate that I meant Desipis in the plural... As usual I am proven wrong. I don't know why but this one particularly bugged me. I think it was the tone. The person sounded kind of condescending.

Uehhh, that looks familiar. Was the person me? It was probably me. I usually don't go for 'condescending', though. Maybe just 'curt'. Anyway, it's hard to tell from context whether Desipis was meant as a plural or you forgot the 's'. Lots of descriptions in the queue contain minor typos, so who could'a known?

 

Okay, I looked this up. According to birdz, the plural is "Desipises".

[Lurhstaap]

TBH I have no idea if it was you or not. It wasn't signed. Tone is tricky sometimes in text, too. I did change for those reasons. It just irked me that I had to. I still prefer the original phrasing. (And I know that's the official call, but I still don't like how it sounds. I don't know why. Just don't. It's like fish and fishes to me. I know fishes is technically a word, but fish just feels more natural.)

[Dirtytabs]

Oh, huh. I guess that wasn't me, then. Anything signed DT is from me. When it comes to fish/fishes, I always have a tab open on Wiktionary - "is that how that word is used? Oh, it is!" BTW, I saw Summit-Shadow in the queue, so now she has an "Officially Pending User Description" on her.

[Earth Gurl]

2 hours ago, Lurhstaap said:

Gahhhhh. Last night, I decided I wanted to write a few descs. I figured since two of my five undead dragons have approved descs, I should get the other two set up. I did my best to come up with relatively originally stuff, even. This afternoon I check to see if there are any comments yet. Two out of three of the zombies got this as one of only two reactions so far:

 

Reject: it ded (sic; 'it's dead')

 

No... No, they aren't. Can people maybe click through to check before doing this, please? Once wouldn't have bothered me much, but two out of three? And it's clearly the same person. It also wouldn't matter so much if there weren't a post in this thread about a mod reject of a zombie desc for this very reason. I put time into those, man. If they get rejected, I'd like it to be for cause.

 

I quit rejecting descriptions for dead dragons because they're dead, since I know that sometimes it doesn't show as an undead. Don't worry!  

 

Also, everyone bear with me. Queue is at about 450, but I just got on holiday break so I can tackle this after work in my free time.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Earth Gurl

[LibbyLishly]

3 hours ago, Earth Gurl said:

 

Also, everyone bear with me. Queue is at about 450, but I just got on holiday break so I can tackle this after work in my free time.

 

Gotta say, when I was last active on the forums two or more years ago, the queue was impossibly long and it would take so long for a description to get approved that it almost wasn't worth it (and the fact that I would occasionally get user rejects for grammatical inaccuracies that were not actually inaccurate turned me off, as well). I am sooooo impressed with the work you've put into this since then and how different the atmosphere around descriptions is now thanks to the effort you've poured into it!

[Chaos Rider]

So I wrote this description for one of my Snow Angels:

Quote

Gold is a nice colour although on its own it's pretty boring thought Farlith as she entered the Magi dragon's lair. "Could you use your magic to make my wings have red and green stripes like some of the other Snow Angels" she asked him "Unfortunately that's not possible" said the Magi. "Oh, why not" she replied "Well - " the Magi droned on about seemingly random stuff involving male sheep, scrolls, pebbles and a coat hanger. She woke up when he mentioned cookies but whatever he was talking about it was most certainly not baked goods. " - In conclusion the ninth blue diamond." finished the Magi. "I do have another idea though" he added "What's that" "Paint, now if you'll just stretch out your wings."

 

And got this comment:

Reject: Please use correct punctuation!

Problem is I remembered after I wrote it that you can't use question marks in descriptions

[Lurhstaap]

9 hours ago, Earth Gurl said:

 

I quit rejecting descriptions for dead dragons because they're dead, since I know that sometimes it doesn't show as an undead. Don't worry!  

 

Also, everyone bear with me. Queue is at about 450, but I just got on holiday break so I can tackle this after work in my free time.

 Whew! Good to know. I don't mind getting a reject if I deserved it lol but that would be a little maddening. 

 

Though not nearly as much as it would have been in the old days. I'm frankly shocked to hear the queue is that short. I assumed Ye Olde Pile still was a thing and y'all were just more active at working through it than staff in the past. That's incredible. As someone who's been using the description system since it came into being - please, take your time! We've waited years in the past. We can handle a few weeks. 

[Chaos Rider]

So I updated the description of the Snow Angel I posted about earlier so that question marks weren't necessary:

 

Gold is a nice colour although on its own it's pretty boring thought Farlith as she entered the Magi dragon's lair. She asked him if it was possible to use magic to give her wings red and green stripes like other Snow Angels. "Unfortunately that's not possible" said the Magi. When asked why not the Magi droned on about seemingly random stuff involving male sheep, scrolls, pebbles and a coat hanger. She woke up when he mentioned cookies but whatever he was talking about it was most definitely not baked goods. "In conclusion the ninth blue diamond." finished the Magi. "I do have another idea however - we'll use paint; now if you'll just stretch out your wings."

 

And got this comment:

 

Reject: I would suggest placing thoughts in '[thought]'

 

1. I already made it plain that it's a thought in the description

2. Why reject a description if your only complaint is a matter of style? At worst that's an abstain imo

[Lurhstaap]

I think that's terrible advice. In a book, does it have a freakin' text sign like that when a character is thinking? Of course not. What you wrote is fine for that. I frankly would reject a desc that DID do that. So feel free to ignore that part, IMO.

 

But... Well, fwiw, you still have a lot of grammar/punctuation errors. Mostly in the lack of commas. Here's one possibility for an edited version. Some of the added punctuation marks are arguably optional (such as 'Unfortunately, that's') but most are required for correct SPAG (such as 'that's not possible," said'). Feel free to remove the optional commas if needed for character count, but do not remove any critical ones, such as those right before a double quote: ," like that. 

 

Gold is a nice colour - although on its own, it's pretty boring, thought Farlith as she entered the Magi dragon's lair. She asked him if it was possible to use magic to give her wings red and green stripes like other Snow Angels. "Unfortunately, that's not possible," said the Magi. When asked why not, the Magi droned on about seemingly random stuff involving male sheep, scrolls, pebbles, and a coat hanger. She woke up when he mentioned cookies - but whatever he was talking about, it was most definitely not baked goods. "In conclusion, the ninth blue diamond," finished the Magi. "I do have another idea, however - we'll use paint. Now, if you'll just stretch out your wings..."

 

 

 

Also, huge thanks to Earthy for her queue Ninja skillz! You, and whomever else might be working on the desc mod team, have emptied my pending descriptions group! So awesome! Of course, I noticed some annoying typos on one of them and had to resubmit, but still. Very impressed by how much more... Well... I hate to say it this way, but... Honestly, back in the day, most people didn't even bother to use the description system. Having a described dragon was super special. I'm so, so glad it's not like that anymore. It feels a lot more worth it to invest time coming up with the traditions, politics, racial/class dynamics, social structure (s) and networks (families/clans/tribes/packs/societies/cliques and so on), both magical and normal ecology and topography and the like, et cetera ad infinitum... Anyway, all that secondary worldbuilding within TJ's world feels a lot more worth the time and effort now that the approval turn around is, at worst, a few months. My three recently written zombies only had to wait a couple of days! Plus we now have enough official lore to fit my own head canon in comfortably rather than worrying that I'm possibly writing something that won't fly with some future lore. You'd think that would be more of an issue now, but I found the total lack of information in the early days very disconcerting. 

 

Nowadays I know enough to know, for example, that the master of the Breedery is almost certainly not human due to being able to meaningfully keep a whole bunch of dragons under what amounts to a benevolent dictatorship for much, much longer than humans can live, and that the Breedery is on one of the other continents rather than Galsreim, maybe a huge magical island (at least as big as two Madagascars, but not big enough to call it a true continent), because of the information that humans and dragons generally get along on Galsreim, whereas my descs over the years imply a much more mixed relationship with local humans. While it's always possible for new information to mess up something I did in the past, I can feel pretty secure that existing lore is very unlikely to change in any meaningful way. That helps me come up with plausible but still interesting head canon for developing the Breedery.

 

and that got me on a huge tangent. I'm not sure it's really on topic for this thread anymore so I'm cutting it. But... Is there another thread for just talking about one's descs and their head canon/scroll-world building? I'd really like feedback on this problem now that I'm thinking about it.

Edited November 19, 2017 by Lurhstaap

[Chaos Rider]

Thanks for that, I didn't realise those commas before the double quotes were necessary. I went back and fixed the pending description of one of my Lunar Heralds to include them too.

 

"But it's not an illusion. I really do have four wings like you," said the Cerith to the visiting Nhiostrife. "Left wing," she said as she flapped her left wing, then "Right wing," as she flapped her right. "If that wing was the right wing then this wing must be the wrong wing," continued Cerith as she flapped the first wing again. "No, you already flapped that wing," said the Nhiostrife. "No I didn't, I flapped the opposite wing. Wrong is the opposite of right you see," said Cerith. "And this wing," she said as she flapped her right wing again. "This wing is the other one. That makes four: left, right, wrong and other."

[Earth Gurl]

16 hours ago, Chaos Rider said:

So I updated the description of the Snow Angel I posted about earlier so that question marks weren't necessary:

 

Gold is a nice colour although on its own it's pretty boring thought Farlith as she entered the Magi dragon's lair. She asked him if it was possible to use magic to give her wings red and green stripes like other Snow Angels. "Unfortunately that's not possible" said the Magi. When asked why not the Magi droned on about seemingly random stuff involving male sheep, scrolls, pebbles and a coat hanger. She woke up when he mentioned cookies but whatever he was talking about it was most definitely not baked goods. "In conclusion the ninth blue diamond." finished the Magi. "I do have another idea however - we'll use paint; now if you'll just stretch out your wings."

 

And got this comment:

 

Reject: I would suggest placing thoughts in '[thought]'

 

1. I already made it plain that it's a thought in the description

2. Why reject a description if your only complaint is a matter of style? At worst that's an abstain imo

 

I usually don't accept descriptions that are narratives like this one. Also, usually when a character in a book thinks, the text is placed in italics, or it is separated from the sentence. As there is no italics, I would suggest putting it in quotes. It is clever, though! Perhaps try something without as much dialogue.  It's easier to follow without it.

Quote

Farlith thought gold was a nice colour on it's own, but she found it rather boring. She sought the help of a Magi dragon and inquired whether or not it was possible to use magic to give her wings red and green stripes like the other Snow Angels. "Unfortunately, that's not possible," said the Magi. When she protested, the Magi droned on about seemingly random stuff involving male sheep, scrolls, pebbles, and a coat hanger, causing her to doze off. She woke up when he mentioned cookies, but whatever he was talking about was most definitely not baked goods. The Magi did suggest using paint, however, and commanded that the Snow Angel spread her wings.

 

Also, I don't understand what "She woke up when he mentioned cookies, but whatever he was talking about was most definitely not baked goods" means. What else would it be other than cookies? 

 

Quote

"But it's not an illusion. I really do have four wings like you," said the Cerith to the visiting Nhiostrife. "Left wing," she said as she flapped her left wing, then "Right wing," as she flapped her right. "If that wing was the right wing then this wing must be the wrong wing," continued Cerith as she flapped the first wing again. "No, you already flapped that wing," said the Nhiostrife. "No I didn't, I flapped the opposite wing. Wrong is the opposite of right you see," said Cerith. "And this wing," she said as she flapped her right wing again. "This wing is the other one. That makes four: left, right, wrong and other."

 

Is Cerith the dragon's name? The Cerith? What is a Cerith? In this case, I think the dialogue is okay, but this is a bit hard to follow. Maybe make the following changes:

Quote

"It's not an illusion; I really do have four wings like you!" said the Cerith to the visiting Nhiostrife. "Left wing," she said as she flapped her left wing and then "Right wing," as she flapped her right. "If that wing was the right wing, then this wing must be the wrong wing!" continued Cerith as she flapped the first wing again.  The Nhiostrife pointed out abruptly that she had already counted that wing. "No I didn't; I flapped the opposite wing. Wrong is the opposite of right, you see," said Cerith. "and this wing," she said as she flapped her right wing again. "This wing is the other one. That makes four: left, right, wrong and other."

 

This is a cute description indeed.