Description comments

[Ninetails]

This male hatchling's personality could be described as overbearing. For unknown reasons, this male hatchling likes to refer to himself as Dices. He is convinced that his need to gamble runs in his genetic makeup. Nonetheless, the adult dragons in the pack do not approve of his, "habit". The hatchlings, however, love him. Because of his imperiousness, he loves to explain and play board games with the hatchlings; of which he created himself. When Dices stole his owner's wood crafted board games, she decided that freezing Dices would be the best option to ensure his gambling habit would not get worse towards adulthood.

 

For reference, Here's the dragon :P.

 

I couldn't think of a good way to describe his personality, so I decided on overbearing. He does like to teach others who listen, however, and he is very crafty.

 

I know this could use some work, but I wrote this on one hour of sleep so you guys can crit away <3 I know my wording is awkward in many places, so fell free to change it up a little. ;)

Edited June 1, 2017 by Ninetails

[Dirtytabs]

Some dragons have traits that don't emerge for a long time (if at all) because of the kind of life they lead. Well-known in the community, especially in the Flecked Burrows of the northwest, is a dragon who spent nearly a century as a storyteller and general scribe before going on her first hunt and realizing she's naturally good at stealth and silently bringing down smaller dragons. Retrofit is a friend of hers. He had managed a pitiful but convincing plea moments before she could crush his throat, so she let him live, and they're now friends. He figures she wouldn't try to kill and eat him after they've become friends. Friends shouldn't do that. His hidden trait is that he's a habitual silo leaner, someone who finds silos and leans against them. Because there is not a farm (or any human settlement) nearby, and because Retrofit doesn't feel like ever moving more than a ten minutes' walk inland, they'll never know. He's pretty sure he has great potential for leaning on silos.

 

Moderator Reject: Who is the she in the first part?

 

A friend of Retrofit? I could point to any dragon on my scroll, but it's not relevant to this description.

Edited June 1, 2017 by dirtytabs

[blockEdragon]

"Nobody knows if he is truly magical, but there have been some very odd coincidences to which he was in close proximity, like the clouds loosely spelling out his name and a rainbow appearing on the same day, but when questioned, he denies having any form of magical ability and insists that it was just a coincidence."

 

Accept:

Moderator Reject: Shimmer-scales do use magic, so they do have magical abilities.

Accept:

Accept: I love it.

Accept:

Accept:

 

I disagree with this rejection,

There is no magical ability special to shimmers described anywhere on the site from what I have seen, not even the wiki has anything on their magical capabilities, and as far as I know there is no forum post by a meaningful source that talks about the magical abilities of Shimmer-scales.

 

 

Darn right! They're multi-use noisemaking devices!

 

 

Mm-hm. Species I refer to as people: humans, dragons, and other sufficiently intelligent creatures not yet introduced to DC canon. It's kind of like what the Ministry of Magic classifies as a Being.

Those two are amazing

Edited June 1, 2017 by blockEdragon

[Herk]

I disagree with this rejection,

There is no magical ability special to shimmers described anywhere on the site from what I have seen, not even the wiki has anything on their magical capabilities, and as far as I know there is no forum post by a meaningful source that talks about the magical abilities of Shimmer-scales.

eeehm Shimmerscales are Eastern dragons, those FLY with magic...

 

Anyway when in doubt it's pretty safe to assume that any breed which isn't mentioned NOT to have magic has some degree of magical ability.

 

But despite that I wouldn't agree with the reject. An individual memeber of a breed MIGHT not have magical abilities despite the breed's inert talent - like a disability.

 

People can see - Ray Charles is blind

 

And he can DENY anything he wants to as long as he likes, I could CLAIM I'm not an over 6ft tall German woman all the time if I wanted to

 

 

[SheridanCharon]

The Wicked One, The Last Guardian. All in the flock know well to stay away from this dragon.

Stories tell that he will crush any who stray too close to his cave, and that the area around is littered with the bones of those who were unlucky enough to earn his hatred. Stories tell that the flames he breathes can melt scales and blacken bone. Stories tell that on dark nights, he roams, looking for those who have broken the rules of the flock so that he might drag them away, never to be seen again.

Nobody has ever even considered that these stories were started by none other than Chaos himself, in an effort to gain himself some privacy.

Indeed, the only one with even a shred of truth is the last one, as Chaos is the Head Enforcer of The Queen's Shadow, the one who delivers punishment to those who have broken the laws of the flock.

Otherwise, only a select few learn that, in reality, he is quite a laidback, even jovial dragon. So long as you don't make him mad.

 

Accept: *As long as* Otherwise lovely -H

Accept:

Accept: He'd be a Slytherin for sure!

Accept:

Accept:

 

Oh, he DEFINITELY would be in Slytherin.

 

@Mathcat - That comment about the breadsticks was mine That one line about the snakeghetti made me giggle so much.

[Lagie]

Wif loves to do something she calls 'tweeting' - she stands in a place where her thoughts echo well and transmits short messages to any dragon that's willing to listen to her. She has a bad habit, though, of doing her 'tweeting' late at night and has, on several occasions, fallen asleep while trying to get her message at. One such incident result in her rather unusual last name. No one, not even Wif, knows what she meant when she said covfefe.

 

Accept: Topical! Nicely done.

Accept: OH MY GoN I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE A "COVFEFE" JOKE ON DC!! Well done!

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

 

From Tabs' one sentence prompt:

One Match has a peculiar habit of only speaking one sentence at a time and since it has to be a very long sentence in order to contain all the thoughts he's thinking, he speaks very, very quickly in the hopes that he can finish her very long sentence before the rather bored-looking dragons in front of him wander off.

 

Accept: Looks good.

Accept:

Reject:

Accept: breathe

Edited June 2, 2017 by Lagie

[Dirtytabs]

Erratum is a very smart dragon who always has the right words for everything. She graduated from a university so elite that only very smart people know of it - literarily no one else has heard of it because that's how smart Erratum is. Even the really old and acknowledged dragons who've lived hundreds of years don't know about the university because her vast intellect makes dwarfs out of their intellects. Asked what degrees or credentials she has from the university, Erratum responds that she has an MTD in Gnshkvlogy, a TLA in Hzbdptecular Fiwmjxqs, and a bunch of others in fields you don't know are real because they're so advanced. Alas, Erratum never gets a chance to affix her smarts to problems that arise in her community because if she solved a one (which she can do really easily, of course), the shear simplicity and brilliance of the solution would cause everyone to die of shock. Erratum spends most of her days in her personal secret study doing important things such as napping.

Abstain: a one -> even one, shear simplicity -> sheer simplicity

Oops, corrected. The "shear" is on purpose, though.

[Peachycupcake525]

Entering is a guide that works for the human named Peachy. When anyone at all arrives at his employer's house, he will run around them, loudly telling them what and where everything is. Even if they have already been there and been guided by Entering, he will still give them a tour when all they want to do is to talk to Peachy. He is often tripped over, but that does not deter him. When there is no one to guide around Peachy's house, he will stand entirely still, staring at the door in hopes that someone will come along. No one, not even Peachy, knows why Entering refers to Peachy's house as a scroll.

 

Accept: Looks good. He must get pretty thoroughly squished when the plated colossi come by... - KoD

Accept:

Accept: Aww! Very nice description!

Accept:

Accept: LOL -Albino Serval

Accept: A+ this is a pure, beautiful dragon. Protect and cherish him. -SP

 

Exceptions cannot stand exceptions to any rules, whether it be spelling rules (like how neighbor and weigh and lots of other words break the i before e rule), naming rules, or just plain rules about what not to do. He gets extremely angry when he sees rule-breakers not punished, even when they were seen doing it. He also insists on spelling words according to common 'rules', even if they're actually spelled a different way. He gets very annoyed when others come up to him to inform him of a 'typo' when he spells words the way he insists that they should be spelled.

Accept: Looks good. - KoD

Accept:

Accept: I

Accept: Hilarious -Albino Serval

Accept: Seriously, these descriptions are great. Hope they get mod approval ASAP! -SP

[Lagie]

On Egad Trotsky:

Egad is a ham. She considers herself the leading lady of the Crimson Players. William disagrees. He feels she can act well enough, but she overacts on a regular basis. Instead of a simple breathy sigh, Egad will raise her wings, draw in a deep, deep breath, then expel it in one long loud puff, usually blowing everyone's scripts away in the process. Don't ask her to do a death scene. The gurgling, the staggering, the long drawn-out wails, before the final death rattle are enough to bring the medic whites to the stage because they often don't realize Egad's acting. William generally tries to keep her in the smaller roles and sometimes the comic ones, but really he'd prefer to leave her out altogether. Somehow Egad hasn't yet realized this, and William hopes she never does.

 

Accept: Looks good. So is everyone building up a troupe of performers now? - KoD

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Accept:

Accept: Oi lagie this is hilarious -Your fella serval

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

 

Well, KoD, I've had my Crimson Players going for a while, but they were inspired by Mathcat's troupes.

[Kakaru_of_DOOM]

Nice to know. My scroll's theatre group was inspired by seeing Mathcat's troupes back when they were in the cue, too.

 

Tea-awana loves golf, where she gets to "tea" off, and her favourite colour is teal. She lives in a teapi with teak furniture, but wishes she had an atteac. Rumour has it she is also a teatotaler. She's afraid some humourless dragon will find her tearorizing and take her to court because she doesn't know how she will testeafy.

One time, when Tea-awana was sailing she passed an island that looked teariffic, but she needed to get to the wedding of Earl Grey, so she had to Ceylon.

Accept: Toteally awesome.

Abstain: Saying she's teetotal seems a little off to me just because she's a hatchling and, by our standards, wouldn't be drinking anyway. But other than that, I love this!

Accept: This made me "tea"r up

Accept: This made me laugh! Amazing description!

Accept: This description is "tea"ming with puns

 

Tea-pun party! WOo!

 

Inverse Doom Banana believes he is a god and worships himself. He makes a massive show of praying at his own shrine, then he jumps over the shrine and dances in answer to his own prayers, throwing sparkly powder around haphazardly. The display culminates with him blessing a banana, after which he jumps back over the altar, thanks himself for the divine fruit, and eats the banana. These "blessed" (no magic involved) bananas are highly sought after in the Madder Jungle because of their rarity, and rare because Inverse Doom Banana is the only member of his own cult. A few other neotropicals have worshiped at the shrine in order to get their bananas blessed - stealing blessed bananas without permission isn't fair - have disappointedly announced that they are not as tasty as a stolen banana.

Accept: Very nice -H

Abstain: fair - have -> fair - and have

Abstain: This is definitely the most creative response I've seen to the "worshiped as a god" prompt! I think "neotropicals have" should be "neotropicals who have", but other than that this looks great

Accept: First day reviewing and I stumble upon a KoD one! What an honour! I'm sure these rituals would be immensly fun to watch...if only the blessed bananas tasted special too.

Accept: Kakaru, you are just a god of descriptions.

 

...Wow. I didn't even know there was a pantheon of description writers, and now apparently I'm a part of it. I should probably go fix my typos in that one, though.

[Lagie]

On Jizzy -

Jizzy loves to run! He's often to be found in large fields, running in enormous circles. He'll stop for a moment, give the air a sniff, then set off again. Dragons who see him running feel tired just looking at him. They're very sure they can hear a faint train of thought in their minds but none of them have taken the time to determine what they're hearing. If they did, they'd hear something like this, "Old Stewball was a racehorse..."

 

Accept: - KoD

Accept: Nice description. I bet he drinks wine. My inner 16-year-old is snickering at his name -DT

Accept:

Accept:

 

Of course, he does! I'm glad someone got the reference.

(And he's named for his code - WJZZY)

This was interesting, too...

"The horse was foaled in 1741 and originally owned by Francis, 2nd Earl of Godolphin,

and later sold. His name has been recorded as "Squball", "Sku-ball", or

"Stewball". He won many races in England and was sent to Ireland. The

Irish turf calendar states that he won six races worth £508 in 1752,

when he was eleven years old, and was the top-earning runner of that

year in Ireland.[1] His most famous race took place on the plains of Kildare,

Ireland, which is generally the subject of the song of the same name.

The early ballad about the event has Skewball belonging to an Arthur

Marvell or Mervin. Based on the horse's name, Skewball was likely a skewbald horse. " ref: Wikipedia

Edited June 18, 2017 by Lagie

[Alectrona]

Central Determiner, or Cen-Det as she's often called, has an obsession with being in the middle. To the bemusement of all the dragons in her cave, if she ever finds herself in a line she will always make sure she's precisely in the middle of it, or if she's among a group of friends, she has to carefully order them to her liking. Unsurprisingly, she is not very good at queuing. Cen-Det has a strong dislike of anything with a beginning and end but no middle, believing such a situation to be unnatural, and will often attempt to insert something in between so that it can be complete. She considers the middle to be the essential part, and anything before or after it is optional. She has learnt a few words that she thinks sound pleasingly central and can often be heard muttering to herself, "his, the, those, a, that" and so on. Many of the dragons think she's barmy, but the Grammar Sect has welcomed Central Determiner with open arms.

Accept: I guess I'm not the only grammar buff here, am I now? I completely approve. ~

Accept: Looks good. ...Wait, I need to put a middle into my comment so she'll be happy, don't I? - KoD

Abstain: that? How is that a 'middle' word? - Otherwise, it's cute!

Accept: !!

(Also, thank you to the mod and the reviewer who pointed out that drakes don't language good; I've edited it a little, so hopefully it's better now .)

 

The reason "that" is a 'middle word' is because it's a central determiner, but I didn't realise until that comment that it's the only one I listed with an even number of letters .

 

And there can never be enough grammar buffs!

[Sundew]

For a honey drake:

 

Madam Rosemary West spends her time in a small cone-shaped tent, where she sits curled around a swirling glass orb and waits for potential customers to wander in. She greets travelers with a soft purr, unwinding herself and asking for their hands. "Would you like to know your future," she'll ask, tilting her head gently and running a smooth paw across their wrist. Those who say yes are rewarded with a delighted, "Excellent! We will try swarm reading first."

"Swarm reading."

She'll sigh and glance, disappointed, at the floor. No one ever knows what it means.

"Yes, you see--we will provoke a pattern across your hand and read the constellations between each puncture. The color of your skin, the size of the swell, the distance from--"

"Wait, what!"

"It is easier for me to just show you. I'll get the bees."

 

Reject: Drakes aren't intelligent -H

Reject: Drakes are not smart enough to do all this, especially use language. They have the intellect of dogs -DT

Accept: Oh my! Hopefully none of her clients are allergic! D:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept: Haha I like this one

Accept: Love the description of you Honey Drake, the ending was very cute and kinda funny in my opinion :3. I wouldn't want to get stung by bees either

Accept: Haha I find this enjoyable! Quite a grand idea for this dragon! Novels done!

Accept:

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to dull this down so that it fits the breed's intelligence, or suggestions of another honey-/bee-related breed that it could fit? I had hoped that the misunderstanding and poor fortune-telling techniques would be enough of an indicator of stupidity, but if drakes can't speak I am not sure how to get around it.

[Chaos Rider]

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to dull this down so that it fits the breed's intelligence, or suggestions of another honey-/bee-related breed that it could fit? I had hoped that the misunderstanding and poor fortune-telling techniques would be enough of an indicator of stupidity, but if drakes can't speak I am not sure how to get around it.

Black Teas and Stripes both eat insects, maybe one of those could keep beehives for the purpose of fortune telling ... and lunch

[Dirtytabs]

Bee Vomit is named after honey, which he loves. ...

 

Accept: Sure... I guess... I feel the need to point out that Honey isn't Bee Vomit. I looked up "Do bees vomit honey", and they were very firm about that. But, fair enough description.

Oh, I'm aware! This description was twice as long at first, about others' lack of knowledge and disdain towards Bee Vomit's obsession but I thought that was too long and boring.

[Rondell]

My description is thus:

 

Quote

"The mottled grayish-green skin which covers this hatchling - more or less - is not especially attractive, although it does help him blend into the woody areas he prefers to haunt when he's not sitting in the middle of a clearing and gaping up at the moon with his eye. For hours on end. Without so much as twitching. No, what catches the attention of passerby are the horns which sprout from the sides of his slightly caved-in skull, for they shine with all the perfect luster of freshly polished gold. Although it would be unwise to become TOO interested in them - while he mostly shambles about peaceably, bumping into trees and mindlessly mimicking the calls and voices of whatever and whomever he happens to overhear, he remembers the way he died (in his own mushy way) so is perfectly capable of violence if someone gets too close to him. And zombies are STRONG. In case anyone was wondering why the number of Anagallis poachers in this area had declined as of late..."

 

On a frozen zombie. And I got a comment:

 

Quote

Moderator Reject: Please proofread. If you need help, refer to the Description Force or Description Comments threads on the forums.

 

So I'm here. What's up? I've read my description a million times over and I simply do not see an issue. Is the rejector objecting to my writing style? Or am I missing something extremely obvious that I'm blind to precisely because I've read it a million times? :/

 

[Sundew]

There are a few run-on phrases and some of the phrases seem out of order.

The mottled grayish-green skin which covers this hatchling - more or less - is not especially attractive

Would read better as "The mottled grayish-green skin which more or less covers this hatchlingis not especially attractive".

he remembers the way he died (in his own mushy way)

Should be "he remembers (in his own mushy way) the way he died".

Some run-ons:

• "it does help him blend into the woody areas he prefers to haunt when he's not sitting in the middle of a clearing and gaping up at the moon with his eye."
  • -- "gaping ... with his eye" is kind of a confusing phrase, I'd consider getting rid of "with his eye" or use a substitute word for "gaping" that's closer to "staring".
• "Although it would be unwise to become TOO interested in them - while he mostly shambles about peaceably, bumping into trees and mindlessly mimicking the calls and voices of whatever and whomever he happens to overhear, he remembers the way he died (in his own mushy way) so is perfectly capable of violence if someone gets too close to him. " 
  • -- this is far too long for just one sentence! "Although" does not make sense in context of what comes after. Your point is that he is mostly peaceful, but capable of violence, so cut down the sentence to make that more clear. Remembering how he died is a new thought and comes across as a tangent that makes the sentence more confusing overall.

That's all that stood out after a quick read... hope it helps.

[Obscure_Trash]

"The mottled grayish-green skin which - more or less - covers this hatchling - more or less - is not especially attractive, although it does help him blend into the woody areas he prefers to haunt when he's not sitting in the middle of a clearing and gaping up at the moon with his eye. He can do this Ffor hours on end. Wwithout so much as twitching. No, wWhat catches the attention of passersby are the horns which sprout from the sides of his slightly caved-in skull, for they shine with all the perfect luster of freshly polished gold. Although it would be unwise to become TOO interested in them - while he mostly shambles about peaceably, bumping into trees and mindlessly mimicking the calls and voices of whatever and whomever he happens to overhear, he remembers the way he died (in his own mushy way), so is perfectly capable of violence if someone gets too close to him. And zombies are STRONG. In case anyone was wondering why As is implied by the number of Anagallis poachers in this the area had having declined as of late..."

Suggested changes. =)

Very nicely written! Interesting lil story.

Edited July 3, 2017 by SockPuppet Strangler

[Dirtytabs]

Quote

Distinguishable can be distinguished from other sinii krai hatchlings by her partially-missing tail. While out of the cave alone, she encountered a striped critter not much larger than she was. It caught her by the tail and ripped it away as she escaped, and from a safe distance, she watched it gulp down her precious tail. More miffed about the transgression than her own health, Distinguishable demanded her sitter help track down this animal and "TEACH IT A LESSON!" The sitter agreed, but only after tending to the child's wound first. Hours later, the two found the critter without much effort - it had died, perhaps from poisoning, perhaps from something else. Satisfied with this outcome and weak and hungry from the blood loss, Distinguishable dined on the corpse and dragged the leftovers home. Not one to waste meat, she ate every soft bit of the corpse. To this day, she wonders if that can be considered self-cannibalism, since her tail must've been in there somewhere.

Accept: Very humerous and well written! A few grammar errors, but none the less, great!

Thanks! Can I get help with the errors, preferably without adding too many characters? It's pretty close to 1000.

Edit: thanks, Sock!

Edited July 5, 2017 by Dirtytabs

[Obscure_Trash]

Hey, Tabs, this is all I caught:

"While out of the cave alone" -> "While out wandering alone" (or something, "out of the cave alone" is just a little hard to follow)
"ripped it away" -> "ripped it off"
"sitter agreed, but only" -> "sitter agreed but only"

What a delightfully disturbing story.

[Rondell]

Thank you Sock and Dew for your help - I'm currently editing my description and will be resubmitting it soon! ^o^

 

In the meantime though, I have one that's even more baffling to me. Another zombie, this time a hellfire. HER description seems to be fine - it got three 'accepts' without comment - but then...

 

Quote

 

• Moderator Reject: This dragon is not a zombie; it's just dead.
• Accept:
• Accept:
• Accept:
• Reject: This is not a zombie.

 

 

What? She is a zombie. Turned her myself on Halloween, and she has the special tombstone that all zombies from the volcanic biome get after their initial two-week being-dead period. Plus she shows up as such every night after 12:00, alongside my other zombies. You can't describe plain 'ol dead dragons, right? And if she were just dead, she wouldn't be on my scroll anymore. Just look at her death date!

 

I'm extremely confused.

[Earth Gurl]

On 7/11/2017 at 4:30 PM, Rondell said:

Thank you Sock and Dew for your help - I'm currently editing my description and will be resubmitting it soon! ^o^

 

In the meantime though, I have one that's even more baffling to me. Another zombie, this time a hellfire. HER description seems to be fine - it got three 'accepts' without comment - but then...

 

 

What? She is a zombie. Turned her myself on Halloween, and she has the special tombstone that all zombies from the volcanic biome get after their initial two-week being-dead period. Plus she shows up as such every night after 12:00, alongside my other zombies. You can't describe plain 'ol dead dragons, right? And if she were just dead, she wouldn't be on my scroll anymore. Just look at her death date!

 

I'm extremely confused.

Dead dragons, as far as I know, are able to be described but once the descriptions are accepted, it (obviously) doesn't appear. Usually to check, I just go to the dragons' page and it'll have the encyclopedia link saying (Undead dragon). It must have been a glitch, but it did just say that your dragon was dead rather than an undead. If you'd like to resubmit, I'll review it again.

[Obscure_Trash]

23 minutes ago, Earth Gurl said:

Dead dragons, as far as I know, are able to be described but once the descriptions are accepted, it (obviously) doesn't appear. Usually to check, I just go to the dragons' page and it'll have the encyclopedia link saying (Undead dragon). It must have been a glitch, but it did just say that your dragon was dead rather than an undead. If you'd like to resubmit, I'll review it again.

 

I think it was that if a user had described a dragon and didn't erase that before killing the dragon, the description stayed in the queue. (But I currently have no dead dragons to experiment with.) However, it is something that I reported to TJ for its redundancy/extra work for mods. I didn't receive a clear answer on if he'd updated that or not, but with no backlog in the queue, it shouldn't be an issue we have to watch out for as much. ^^

[Dirtytabs]

19 hours ago, SockPuppet Strangler said:

 

I think it was that if a user had described a dragon and didn't erase that before killing the dragon, the description stayed in the queue. (But I currently have no dead dragons to experiment with.) However, it is something that I reported to TJ for its redundancy/extra work for mods. I didn't receive a clear answer on if he'd updated that or not, but with no backlog in the queue, it shouldn't be an issue we have to watch out for as much. ^^

I can't experiment now, either, but since dragons can't be described once killed (there's no describe option), the user must have submitted a description before then.

I've noticed that if you have a dragon with an approved description and kill the dragon, the description goes away, and it returns if the dragon is successfully revived or turned. So (whether it's oversight or a purposely implemented feature) maybe dead dragons keep their queue descriptions for the same reason. The data is just retained somewhere.

[TheTrueMilkyBeast]

Um, unfortunately, I didn't save the comments for my case, but I want to share it anyways.

So I have a fictional island where the dragons of my scroll live, the Galtchick island. Because of this, I often use this name in my dragon descriptions, but the last one I made was rejected by mods with a message saying (not the exact quote but something very close to it) "I don't understand the thing about Galtchick. Has it ever been referenced in DC events? I don't think it has. Rejecting."

 

I have 8 more dragons with their description approved and they also mentioned Galtchick island. And I saw plenty of other fictional names in other approved descriptions. 

I'm scared to use it now, but since I'm in a phase of describing the kings&queens who share this island's land, this is really hard to do. Can I use it?

Edited August 14, 2017 by ThermoDanone
Terrible spelling