Description comments

[Htt71]

Self-proclaimed patriarch of the Inclement house, but holds little power over the clan's decisions or direction given its matriarchal structure and his clear distaste in the idea of having offspring with his partner, Inclement Storms, nevertheless he is highly respected among members. There are a few dissenters among the clan that seek his title, but none have dared to challenge him, likely out of respect, or perhaps out of fear of what the Matriarch would do to them.

 

 

Reject: That first line is 1. not a sentence, and 2. way too long and confusing.

Accept:

 

Okay, so reading through this again I'll admit the first line is a bit much, but it isn't grammatically incorrect. The sentence starts without a clear noun, thus it does begin as a run on (or a sentence with an implied proper noun), and then goes on to describe the unnamed person. The part that likely confused the reader was the appositive that renamed the implied subject of the sentence to Inclement Front. Then I continue on to describe him further.

 

I'll reword it, because it's overbearing, but technically, it's not incorrect.

 

Edit: I removed the appositive and instead began the sentence with "Inclement Front is the...", and it's amazing how much it improves clarity. Maybe reject1 was into something.

Edited October 31, 2016 by Htt71

[Moonlight_Eevee]

Frozen, as everyone calls her, came high from the mountainous region where hardly anything grows. She likes to mark her path with ice to warn others that she is coming; until she ran straight into a gorgeous shimmerscale dragon trying to escape a magi dragon. Frozen summoned up all her powers, yelling, "Frozen is coming!" at the magi before pelting the orange dragon with a whole lot of ice. The shimmerscale was thankful and offered Frozen a position as a guard, telling her of how a war was going on between a couple of jealous vampires and shimmerscales. "If you hear me yell 'Frozen is coming' don't get involved," Frozen said, before turning and taking position on top of a cliff that now glitters in ice.

 

Accept: OK - H

Abstain: "shimmer-scale", but whatevs, "hear me, yell" -DT

Accept:

Accept:

Accept: Not sure if this is a reference to "Game of Thrones" or "Once Upon a Time"...

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

Accept: Very nice! ~D

 

Dirtytabs, this is what Frozen is saying: "If you hear me yelling 'Frozen is Coming', stay away."

 

And to the person who is wondering about the reference, it is Once Upon a Time since I'm a huge fan of it.

 

No one really knows where The Shape comes from, but rumor has it he came with another witchlight dragon called The Entity Blood Web to torment both people and dragons alike. Only one knows of his true identity and that would be his sister whom no one can find at all. It is rumored that The Shape has tormented his sister since her hatching.

 

Accept: Don't capitalize "the" when in a title.

 

Whoops!!! Thanks for that!

 

Now I got to wait for the rest to grow up so I can give them descriptions as well ^.^

[Kakaru_of_DOOM]

This witchlight likes to disguise himself as other witchlights, using their preferred illusions and mannerisms. He does not have a territory of his own, but is almost exclusively found encroaching on other wichlights' haunts, which has often led to the question, 'which witch is witch' - though being such a tongue-twister it usually devolves into "Which Witch Itch Which". He can sometimes be identified by the way his tailtip will twitch. It is said that when not imitating rivals, he likes to eat spinach sandwiches and snitch fish from the rich.

 

Accept: BLECH

Accept: RHYMES AND TONGUE TWISTERS MY MAN BRO BLESS YOU

 

...Ok, can anyone tell what about this dragon makes people want to respond in all-caps?

 

This moonstone is acquainted with a creature whom none of the other dragons have encountered, and whom many believe is wholly fictional - a kakaru amphiptere endowed with the power of "DOOM". Not only that, but she is constantly telling the aforementioned kakaru not to do things - for example, not to "try for an ND" or "waste too much time on DragCave". That is why the other dragons simply call her 'No KoD' (KoD being an abbreviation for Kakaru of DOOM). Given No KoD's constant exasperation, the kakaru obviously doesn't pay attention to her advice.

 

Accept: KoD, nooooo! -DT

 

Dirtytabs, are you trying to agree with my dragon and get me to spend less time on DC? Or are you saying, 'no, don't get driven away by this moonstone'? In case you're wondering, by "wasting time", I mean staring at the AP while egg-locked (which ironically was what I was doing when I found this egg). I figured that saying that outright would be to meta for a description, though.

 

3D1OT is unfortunate in that she lives up to her name. She is best known for her tendency to forget that she can faze out into her aetherial form, yet also is prone to forget that she is corporeal at all and attempt to walk through solid objects. She has also managed to say things so profoundly moronic that it would make a drake look like a genius. It is not uncommon for her to accidentally destroy her own weyr, and she tends to get lost on her way to the coffee shop. She gets so lost, that she has been known to end up on the wrong continent when intending simply to cross the street.

 

Accept: Well... Reminds me of myself.

 

O.o

[Dirtytabs]

Dirtytabs, are you trying to agree with my dragon and get me to spend less time on DC? Or are you saying, 'no, don't get driven away by this moonstone'? In case you're wondering, by "wasting time", I mean staring at the AP while egg-locked (which ironically was what I was doing when I found this egg). I figured that saying that outright would be to meta for a description, though.

"KoD, nooooo!" - No KoD telling the wholly fictional kakaru "nOoOoO".

 

Loonar Herald is part of the security detail for an important amphiptere, the newest member, in fact. She isn't a hundred percent sure how important this sunsong guy is, but he's important enough to need security detail. The security detail, however, is not itself important enough to include a food taster, so Loona has taken it upon herself to fill that position. The important amphiptere is very lucky because Loona has been poisoned six times since taking that job. Maybe someone doesn't like her and is actually trying to kill her instead, or maybe she shouldn't be so fanatical about tasting every little thing her employer might eat. The important amphiptere sure likes having her around, though.

 

Accept: Okay, what reference am I not picking up?

None! I found the idea of a volunteer food taster funny.

 

One head is called Force, and one head is called Finesse, due to the dragon's guardians naming him with a cute "opposites in a single body" mindset, but in reality, the heads are both "force". The little dragon is blunt and brutal, and he expects to get the result he wants by simply muscling his way through every problem. He likes eating eggs of magical breeds like aeons and whites, but he's usually too slow and stupid to nab any unless they were deliberately left out or abandoned.

 

Accept: A cannibalistic hatchie o_O -H

Oh, of course. He's inherited the taste for magical meat from Daddy Nexus.

 

[...] Of course the coffee is supposed to taste like soil because it's fresh ground coffee. It's as if prospective customers read the sign outside the spring and expect something different.

 

Reject: THIS IS DRAGON AGE NOT COFFE AGE

I KNOW BUT SOMTIMES MODS LET A FEW ANACHRONISMS SLIDE. Also, this setting has glasses and germ theory(!!!), so there are anachronisms. Coffee wouldn't be the most outrageous thing.

 

Grandchild was some sort of prize as an egg, and the recipient belongs to a wacky clan of dragons who don't seem to take anything seriously but are not to be messed with nonetheless. He is easily flustered, and he is helplessly annoyed when someone lies across him, rubbing their face in his fluff. He also becomes confused when his pillow and solstice family members diss him because they're so clever that he doesn't understand what they're saying.

 

Accept: I think I'm missing the joke. Or maybe is there NO JOKE o_O -H

He's a raffle prize. (How's that for a blow to self confidence.) A nice somebody donated the egg here.

 

The only cave rule Salubrious has for visitors is "No vomiting on Salubrious or other guests". There was apparently an incident involving a dog, a coat hanger, and "people who take things too seriously" that caused her to enact this rule. Being reminded of the incident makes her eyes glaze and take on a 100-horn stare.

 

Accept: 100-horn stare?

Yup. I make up units of measurement since these dragons probably don't have yards, kilometers, etc.

 

Snarlov prods everything he dislikes with his tail and doesn't get why nobody he touches is writhing in agony. Instead, most people think he's cute and compliment him for pretending to be grown up, and they even pet his head sometimes. They are not frightened by his frightening snarl, either, although his guardian cuffs him with her paw if he does it too much at strangers. How infuriating.

 

Reject: "nobody" should be "everyone". remove the unecessary comma after "grwon up". Find another adjective to describe his snarls, "frightening" is repetative and akward since you just used it as a verb.

"Nobody" is writhing in agony because he doesn't have barbs yet, and the following sentence wouldn't make sense otherwise. The comma is necessary. It separates two independent clauses. Using "frightening" twice is a style choice.

 

Only nine years old and already enamored with metallic shinies, Freedman will provide pest control service for a price, specifically finding nests of sand ants. One may note that the jungle is not home to sand ants, and Freedman will insist that that is because he does such a good job eliminating them. So far, he hasn't earned a single thing from being an exterminator, and he's very disappointed.

 

Accept: He'll get thing from someone some day... Possibly from /view/3D1OT. - KoD

They can both sit together and wonder about the mysteries of the universe, like how to make an honest dollar these days and how 3D1OT made it to the jungle when she was looking for the beach.

Edited November 12, 2016 by dirtytabs

[Moonlight_Eevee]

Evan Macmillan was once considered to be a mighty dragon, a good bit larger than other witchlight dragons until he was tricked by another witchlight dragon called the Entity Blood Web. He now works for the Entity, having to torment both dragons and humans who come across his territory unwillingly. Most of his victims that he has lured in have referred to him as the Trapper of Souls; however, he has noticed a couple of reoccurring dragons that always seem to reappear upon "escape".

 

Accept:

Accept: This is an AMAZING description it would be great in a book!

 

OK, to the person who would think this would be great in a book, this dragon is based off a video game character. So do note that i had to dim it down a bit to work with DC as I don't want to lose my witchlight dragons. Same thing with the other witchlight dragons based off the game.

[Obscure_Trash]

OK, to the person who would think this would be great in a book, this dragon is based off a video game character. So do note that i had to dim it down a bit to work with DC as I don't want to lose my witchlight dragons. Same thing with the other witchlight dragons based off the game.

Unless you kept purposefully re-submitting the same thing after multiple mod rejections, your dragon isn't going to be killed. We really only kill for inappropriate descriptions. Any plagiarized descriptions will be rejected, though (using a game as inspiration is fine, but you shouldn't take from the video game summary or the wikia or anything like that).

 

(The only comment I would really have towards your description is what you mean by escape and why is it in quotation marks? And what does it mean that they're reoccurring???)

[Moonlight_Eevee]

Unless you kept purposefully re-submitting the same thing after multiple mod rejections, your dragon isn't going to be killed. We really only kill for inappropriate descriptions. Any plagiarized descriptions will be rejected, though (using a game as inspiration is fine, but you shouldn't take from the video game summary or the wikia or anything like that).

 

(The only comment I would really have towards your description is what you mean by escape and why is it in quotation marks? And what does it mean that they're reoccurring???)

I did differenate the description for Evan Macmillan from the game he is originally from. See, the witchlight dragons reminded me of the game Dead by Daylight and seeing as how none of the names were actually taken I thought id put them to good use on the witchlights. The reason escape is quoted because the Survivors never truly escape the game. They find this bonfire in the game and keep on dodging one killer after the next should they fall asleep or whatever. I do have a bit of the personalities from the game mixed in with the dragons (if that's allowed >..>) but hopefully not enough to be copyrighting. If it is, I'll try to change it

[Obscure_Trash]

I did differenate the description for Evan Macmillan from the game he is originally from. See, the witchlight dragons reminded me of the game Dead by Daylight and seeing as how none of the names were actually taken I thought id put them to good use on the witchlights. The reason escape is quoted because the Survivors never truly escape the game. They find this bonfire in the game and keep on dodging one killer after the next should they fall asleep or whatever. I do have a bit of the personalities from the game mixed in with the dragons (if that's allowed >..>) but hopefully not enough to be copyrighting. If it is, I'll try to change it

I think you really need to explain that better within the context of DC so that there is logical flow.

[LawfulMedusa]

The only child to come of any of the "First Four" dragons of the clan, Noch often felt a little out of place in her youth. The first treated her like their child of course, and tended to favor her over the newer, adopted members of the clan. Though she is not one of the first, most newcomers considered her as such and tended to shy away from her. She found herself between the two factions and largely friendless but for Slava. The Magelight took to the Greenwing in the shell, and the fiery little wyvern stuck to her ever since.

As Noch grew to adulthood, she learned more of her heritage and the truth about her absent father. She understood some of the stares and distance in light of his madness, and she decided to take charge of her life and make her own place in the clan. She spends her nights gathering treats and weaving grasses together to make baskets. She quickly made friends with almost everyone in the clan, and continues to welcome newcomers as friends with her gift baskets.

 

Accept:

Reject: i'm sorry it's personal ocd or personal aesthetics, whatev. i just NEED that line of space between paras

I swear I used a paragraph break in all my descriptions. Perhaps I should go check the pending description on her page ...

 

[Lagie]

Accept:

Reject: i'm sorry it's personal ocd or personal aesthetics, whatev. i just NEED that line of space between paras

I swear I used a paragraph break in all my descriptions. Perhaps I should go check the pending description on her page ...

The paragraph break DOES show up in the final description. It does NOT show up in the place that we review, never has.

[LawfulMedusa]

I swear I used a paragraph break in all my descriptions. Perhaps I should go check the pending description on her page ...

The paragraph break DOES show up in the final description. It does NOT show up in the place that we review, never has.

That's what I thought - and confirmed after I checked my others just in case. I'm guessing I got the lucky reviewer who did not know ... and who considered that grounds for rejection. Just ... really?

[Lagie]

On frozen hatchling I'm Being Eaten:

I'm Being Eaten has recurring nightmares about being eaten by a boa constrictor. The snake starts at her tail and works its way up higher and higher, and just as it's about to reach her head, Eaten wakes shrieking. Nothing she has tried has stopped the nightmares so poor Eaten spends most of her nights with Night Light the spirit ward trying desperately to not fall asleep.

 

Accept: I love this so much and THE NAMES ARE BEAUTIFUL.

 

Aww, thanks!

[Kakaru_of_DOOM]

@LawfulMedusa: It happens surprisingly often. I got one of those too recently:

There are a number of stories about what happened to Umadrix's right horn ranging from the mundane - a rock fell and broke it - to the virtually unbelievable - that he defeated a Guardian of Nature in single combat, and there is still a burning ember of raw magic that is eating the horn as fast as it grows. Umadrix tells whatever story he thinks will most impress whatever girl he seeks to woo at any given moment, making him an unreliable source.

Despite being a marrow Umadrix is a very picky eater. He excels at preparing foods solely because if his food isn't just the way he likes it, he won't eat it.

Umadrix's third big interest is fighting. He loves a fair fight against a worthy opponent, and makes a point of offering healing salves after a battle to those whom he respects. He loathes backstabbing and poisons, which he considers to defeat the whole point of battle. The only time he will kill is when threatened by such ignoble foes.

Abstain: Beautiful, but very long

Accept: Most impressive.

 

Granted, this individual only abstained, but still: it's only 945 characters! It's not like the thousand-character-exactly ones that I have to remove a few extra commas to write. >.>

 

When he was younger, W. B. Yeats was in love with a lady whom he thought was beautiful, but who had absolutely no interest in him. He has proven unable to get over this rejection and continues to write philosophical poems about how all young love is futile, and how wisdom comes with age. Of course, his generalizations are flawed, and at some level he knows it - he has also satirized himself decrying his own quest for understanding as equally futile.

W. B. Yeats has a thick accent which makes rhymes out of many normally non-rhyming words. The actual slants he uses are often waived as part of his accent, even though in reality he is an inexpert rhymer. This extra slack he has been given has made him popular despite his substandard work.

Accept: "[...]the pale unsatisfied ones / Appear and disappear in the blue depths of the sky / With all their ancient faces like rain-beaten stones"... Rhyming "ones" and "stones"...? -DT

 

...Yeah, he also has a problem with rhyming 'wind' and 'mind' - he did that in a number of his poems.

 

Dialga McMuffins talks exclusively in third person and insists that he wants to be an aeon wyvern when he grows up. Given that he is unusually large for a diamondwing, and significantly larger than an aeon, this makes no sense to anyone around him. He is deathly afraid of little green faeries that may or may not actually be pink, and has a rivalry with "those weather dragons in the Madder Jungle" - which is interesting, since he has never been more than a few hundred kilometers away from Nworset City. Some prankster advised that he go hunt for treasure in the wastes to the northeast - where there is nothing but ice and trees all the way to the corner of the world - and none have seen him since.

Abstain: That's unusial story, but if no one have seen Dialga after he went hunt for treasure, how all his description makes sense? What if he's different now? What if he's dead? This is pretty much unclear.

 

None have seen him to prove he is the same; neither do they have any proof that he's changed. I consider this perfectly within the discription guidelines: the 'writer', whilst indeterminate, is not necessarily omnipresent, therefore it makes sense that there is incomplete knowledge. ...I wonder how many anonymous reviewers might actually read this thread and see my responses, though...

 

MicroKyogre is a hyper dragon with a vicious streak. He likes to pick on the aeon SynthaGroudon, taking any opportunity he can get to pull scales from his rival. It doesn't bother him that she is trying to kill him, nor that DireRayquaza is attempting in vain to enforce peace between them. She confidently boasts that she does better at suppressing DG than the blue gemshard Kyrogette does keeping red-scaled Groudion in check in their rivalry over green Rayquazit; though in reality this is not true, they're equally repressing their rivals. She and

Rayquazit aware that the rest of the Madder Jungle dragons think the two trios are the same three dragons twice, and occasionally the two have a friendly debate over whether it is funny or insulting.

Accept: Very good description 9/10

 

Oh, now we're rating them? Of course, now that I look at it here I realize that I switched to the wrong pronouns halfway through the description, and used 'DG' instead of 'SG'. I'm gonna go fix that now. How doea a fairly major error like that still earn a 9/10? o.0

[Dirtytabs]

Apparently scandalized by his parents' behavior, Kid left his old cave earlier than the average dragon, relying on his developing magical skills and youthful high energy to stay out of trouble, although if pressed for details about his adventures, he'll grumblingly admit that he had help from some friendly sentients over the years.

 

Reject: "grumblingly" and "sentients" are not words, and please consider using more than 1 sentence.

Wiktionary tells me that "grumblingly" is an adverb that means "While or as if grumbling", and "sentients" is a chiefly science fiction term for intelligent, self-aware beings. And while short descriptions may irk you, they're fine as long as they describe the dragon in a way that can't already be seen in its picture/breed description.

 

Snow Flinx is curious, fluffy, and very bouncy. Boing, boing, boing. While her home is a snowy landscape, she never seems to live there, at least according to other people. She seems to always appear from out of the view: if there's a crowd waiting for her, she knows the exact moment nobody is looking in a certain direction and comes from there to greet everyone. Once Snow Flinx is out in the open, she sticks her soft nose into everything, often getting swatted and bouncing dramatically away when shooed - boing, boing, boing. Others can easily elude her by standing behind a closed door, since she has no idea how to get past a door. It could have a simple latch, be made of flowers and cotton, and have a sign with opening instructions in pictures pinned to it, and she still wouldn't know how to open it. People who find Snow Flinx annoying know that she is immune to many poisons. They know because they tried.

 

Accept: Who would anyone try to poison her? If they realy wanted to stop her, they should strap a door to her! - KoD

Thank you. She would be forever stuck in place.

[AroaraAngelwolf]

on this lovely

 

Nico is energetic and always happy. He strives to please his mate Night's Dreamer, often giving her shiny objects and would sit outside their cave with her to gaze at the stars when they have some time alone. He currently has two lovely girls, and five sons, all who he is proud of and attempting to "help" them find love and mates of their own by leading other dragons to their dens in hopes that they comply with each other. Nico is eagerly trying to have more eggs, Night's Dreamer on the other claw... is not to fond of the thought of more hatchlings running around the cave and simply wants some peace and quiet around the cave.

 

 

Accept: Hey... is this the guy I was asked to draw with his royal blue mate being inattentive? I say I got his characterization right... -DT

Accept:

Reject:

 

Indeed! He's my pretty baby!

 

 

 

I had some spelling mistakes that I corrected in it, and submitted it again. So on the original there was another reject that said "this is nothing like Nico and shouldn't have his name. It's an insult to fans."

 

I say to you first rejector, you will not find a bigger fan then me, I can quote the books and have all of them! I didn't intend to name him that. DiAngelo means "the Angel" in Italian (the Angel, radiant Angel.. thought I was being clever. ) that didn't work so I messed around and put Nico in front of it. Totally didn't expect it to take.

 

So far he's the only one who is going to get a description, however it's still pending

[Kakaru_of_DOOM]

I know this is a little old by now, but I didn't want to double-post, so...

Odty1 is the uniquely odd mate Od3TY, and since both have sworn off of evenness, they make an odd couple. She is much jumpier than he is, bouncing around to counteract his lazy strolling. Of course, she is less manually dexterous - indeed, she is challenged with any form of manual, from monster manuals and instruction manuals to non-automagic "manual" doors. She likes to talk about extradimentional subterranean geology, off-brand brand-name products, and political comedy - all topics that she has become an expert on from listening to some sounds he has extracted from the invisible rays sent out by KQED, a striped-river dragon that lives in a delta thousands of kilometers away. He dislikes the laws of psionics, quasars, and alphabet soup that is in a language he cannot read. On saturdays around noon, he is a devout worshiper of "spell ling Czech errs" although at no other time does he show any religious interest in anything.

 

Accept: Ides ay awl rite ers halve two sen desk rip shuns threw won of though "spell ling Czech errs" ore isle ridge ect them four to men e miss takes - DT

 

^^ THIS. ALL MY YES to this comment. I'm not going to capitalize my days of the week, though. I mean, half the time I don't even capitalize holidays... >.>

 

On a similar note, I believe cUPA9 received a comment asking about "drinking vessels" and how that would work (not that she does that). She got approved (yay) so I don't have the comment to quote, but I do have a theory for how to do that: start with a boat in a bottle. *glug glug glug*

[Mathcat]

Another month, another batch of reviews.

 

Future Era Productions is known for plays that are full of action, elaborate effects, and enough explosions to give the actors hearing damage, but somewhat lacking in such details as characterization and plot. Most dragons find the plays entertaining enough in small doses, but less so when they're the only thing being offered. Still, there are always enough interested in the latest spectacle to keep attendance high.

Isba is invariably cast as Macsin's love interest, which means that she either gets killed off at some suitably dramatic moment or spends most of the play in need of rescue. She knows she's capable of more, as does the audience and even her co-star, normally unobservant of such things. The only one who can't be convinced is Mavef, who is old-fashioned enough to believe that nobody would attend a Future Era Productions play that starred a female dragon.

 

Accept: Future Era Productions? More like "Backwards Era Productions", amiright? Still, I'd love to see a play with a cast of dragons...

Accept:

Accept:

Reject:

 

Wricao plays Macsin's loyal sidekick. His character rarely survives until the end of the play, as the writers like to kill him off to provide Macsin with an extra dose of angst, but by the time Wricao has his death scene, he has plenty of company backstage. Wricao doesn't mind never being around until the final curtain. His character mainly exists to be a foil for Macsin, so he finds exchanging snarky remarks with Eneaz (ill-fated mentor) and Isba (equally ill-fated love interest).

 

Accept:

Accept: I think it should be "finds himself exchanging", otherwise another excellent description. I've been enjoying reading these ones

 

(That last sentence should have ended with "more interesting than anything he does onstage". Fixed.)

 

To keep audiences entertained while full-length plays are being set up, Roaring Lion Productions offers a variety of short-form serials. One of the most popular involves the adventures of the heroic Nightshade, his two sidekicks, and a whole rogue's gallery of villains. With over-the-top plots, improbable cliffhangers, and the most incompetent peacekeepers to ever walk Galsreim, the serials are incredibly ridiculous, but that's part of their charm.

Dulom plays Nightshade's first sidekick - the young, painfully earnest Warbler. He wishes his character were less popular, as he hates every part of his role. He hates his costume - garish full-body makeup that makes him resemble a mutant bright-breasted wyvern. He hates the plots, which make him look ridiculous without giving him much to do. Most of all, he hates uttering lines like "Gosh, Nightshade, there's snow way we're getting out of this!" when faced with a frost dragon villain.

 

Accept: Holy error-free descriptions, Batman! ~Storm

Accept:

Reject:

 

(Many of the RLP and FEP dragons in this batch are based on superheroes. Nobody else picked up on that.)

 

Mavef has always believed that whatever Roaring Lion Productions can do, Future Era Productions can do ten times as well. Roaring Lion Productions made short serials about heroic dragons, but his theatrical group would make whole series of plays about them. The first few were disasters, disowned even by the actors who performed in them, but recently he's found success with the Spectaculars.

Tetsig, with the help of more extensive makeup than he's truly comfortable with, plays Merdragon, an undine with strong water-based powers and the ability to talk to fish. His powers just can't compare to being able to walk up walls or toss (fake) boulders around, so between that and the extremely unconvincing makeup, audiences find it hard to take Merdragon seriously. What nobody seems to remember, even the writers, is that sharks are fish as well.

 

Accept:

Accept: I'm just refreshing the description page looking for these. -CM

Reject:

 

(Thanks to CM (whoever you are) for all of the comments.)

 

Foremour considers himself to be something of a romantic, helping young couples find love and helping to resolve conflicts. He knows special gifts for all occasions, but never suggests flowers. When asked about this, Foremour mutters something about how his father wouldn't have approved, and then hurriedly changes the subject.

 

Accept:

Accept: Oooh, mysterious!

Accept:

Accept:

Accept:

 

(Not really. His father is a dark green dragon.)

 

As Lydia Pinke's mate, Quasoom has been the test subject for more variants of her marvelous compound than he can count. He's grown feathers, become temporarily invisible, and turned enough colors to put a chameleon to shame, to name just a few of the side effects. If pressed, Quasoom will admit that he's healthier as a result, at least from the standpoint that what doesn't kill one makes one stronger.

 

Accept: Looks good. I hope he's not too testy as a result of being a test subject. - KoD

Reject:

Accept:

 

Edit:

At its height, Magehaven Island was home to dozens of magi dragons, but by the end, there were only a handful. Trylnik was the last leader, chosen more by virtue of being the eldest remaining than for any particular ability on his part. Convinced that he would be the one to lead the research community back to its glory days, despite all evidence to the contrary, he allowed his mate to drive away any dissenting voices. Trylnik's final mistake was to let himself be led into the forest, where generations of magis had practiced experimental magic with no thought for the consequences. By the time he reemerged, even he had to admit that the Magehaven Island he had known was no more.

 

Abstain: Don't need to repeat first part, just the custom paragraph you want- it appears underneath

 

Huh? Am I missing something? I even checked to make sure I didn't have a duplication error in there somewhere.

Edited February 5, 2017 by Mathcat

[Lagie]

Have you submitted several with the same starting line, Mathcat? Maybe that's why they're saying that?

 

 

 

On The Biggest Cheesiest:

Ahh! The Big Cheese! Who wouldn't want to get to know him... Sadly, for the residents of Lagie's caves, this is impossible as the Big Cheese lives in some far-off region in someone else's caves. Lagie's dragons have to contend daily with The Biggest Cheesiest. The Biggest Cheesiest swaggers around the caves, sure that he's the ultimate fount of knowledge, the source of all great wisdom, the biggest, the cheesiest, the best!

In actuality, The Biggest Cheesiest is the smallest of Lagie's cheese dragons, and, sadly, his cheese is one of the smelliest so dragons try to avoid him at all costs. Some days, after pontificating to the backs of retreating dragons, The Biggest Cheesiest goes home to his small cave off to the side and, in the dark, late at night, thinks to himself, "I'm lonely."

 

Accept: Awww, poor guy

 

[The Big Cheese, as a name, truly does live on another scroll!]

[Mathcat]

Not yet, no - hence the confusion. I'm guessing the reviewer copied the wrong comment, as there's nothing in Trylnik's description that looks especially similar to the breed description.

 

Gimauz claims that the flame on the end of her tail burns brighter when someone tells a lie. There's no truth to this, but she can often spot a liar by keeping an eye out for someone casting quick, nervous glances at her tailtip after they say something.

 

Abstain: What a cunning ploy!

[Lagie]

On Z'Attitude of Gratitude:

Grat loves to write thank you notes. She writes them for birthday gifts, for Christmas presents, for kind deeds done, for any and every little thing. The problem is, she's a bit scatterbrained and absentminded, so after she's written her note, she usually forgets to deliver it to its intended recipient. The piles of notes in her cave are in danger of smothering her.

 

Abstain: Looks good, except that Grat is a male. ...I make that sort of typo all the time too... - KoD

 

*headdesks* Oops. Fixed. Thanks, KoD!

[Dirtytabs]

Makodah Wyka Ants-Marching-Trunk, better known as Scrubber, works at a cereal factory among a workforce of 70. Most of the laborers are young-to-30-year-old humans, though there are a number of semi-permanent dragons like Scrubber; they're called semi-permanent simply because they live longer lives and can work for more years than the humans. [and so on]

 

Moderator Reject: Factories didn't exist in a medieval time period.

 

They totally did, and long before that. You're thinking robots and automotive plants while a "factory" just involved using tools and cooperation from multiple people to produce goods.

 

Edit: Ok, I'll call it a "mill".

Edited February 7, 2017 by dirtytabs

[Earth Gurl]

They totally did, and long before that. You're thinking robots and automotive plants  while a "factory" just involved using tools and cooperation from multiple people to produce goods.

I would refer to it as something different than a factory.

 

^^That works.

Edited February 7, 2017 by Earth Gurl

[Lagie]

On Cute - and Fluffy

Cute - and Fluffy is definitely cute, but not so fluffy. Spikes are not fluffy, but Cute's spikes are softer than those of the average black dragon hatchling. She considers herself to be soft and fluffy and is always trying to cozy up to smaller fluffy mammals, like chipmunks or squirrels. They, however, don't take to this well and depart at the earliest opportunity, leaving Cute to munch on the acorns they leave behind.

 

Accept: Lovely description! -BM

 

Why, thank you!

[RainbowTheAlbinoServal]

This is my first hatched dragon, Bolz

His description( I just updated it): Bolz is a large male with strange white lightning sparks instead of the normal yellow and white eyes. He is very curious, and likes putting his nose into other's business. Can be protective and is also short tempered. Likes collecting stray eggs and hates water. He is slow in combat, but due to his large wings he can also fly fast too. He has a nest on a tree at the entrance of a small town which he place his collected eggs and lives in it, and he trade eggs for prey, money and other eggs for humans to raise too. He often trade pretty fair.

Let me know what you think!

Edited February 18, 2017 by Rainbowlight

[Fuzzbucket]

I'm not sure Galsreim has humans.... Check with someone who knows !

 

There are a few grammatical errors but it's a nice description - well done. I've seen far less literate ones from much older players - and yes, with English as their first language.