Posted June 7, 2011 Wow. Just submitted a description, and it's already got a review. 0_o Accept: That's so sad :,( Actually, I was trying to make him sound stubborn to the point of annoyance, but that works. :3 Edit: New comment on Zyroc's description. Accept: deep How? *curious* For the record, you may want to remove the ASPHD reference from the Turret's description, the mods generally don't approve of that sort of thing. Character references- yes, that's fine, but keep it grounded in dragons/medieval times. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 7, 2011 Good idea, Paine. *runs off to fix* Went on a reject spree this evening. So much horrid grammar...*shudder* Share this post Link to post
Posted June 7, 2011 Drako, that description about your poor Dark Myst is just depressing. If you hate him so badly why not set him free? I'm sure he'll find a place in the wilderness. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) Drako, that description about your poor Dark Myst is just depressing. If you hate him so badly why not set him free? I'm sure he'll find a place in the wilderness. Oh dear. That's not quite the point of description writing. I write descriptions making fun of my dragons and calling them stupid all the time, but that doesn't mean I hate them. Edited June 7, 2011 by Pink Share this post Link to post
Posted June 7, 2011 (edited) Drako, that description about your poor Dark Myst is just depressing. If you hate him so badly why not set him free? I'm sure he'll find a place in the wilderness. Eh, you seem to have misunderstood. You see, I don't hate him. The others do. And, as Pink said, that's not the point. He's stubborn. Simple as that. :/ Edit: A comment on my updated description! (Male Dark Myst Pygmy) Unlike normal Turrets, Defective cannot seem to guard something as simple as a pebble in the dirt, let alone an egg. He tries to help, but he winds up only making things worse. The best his performance ever gets is him showing up with pebbles, which are shot from his mouth like bullets. And even so, he normally ends up shooting his mentor in the face. As a result of this behavior, he has been cast away, labeled as useless. But no matter what, he still thinks that he'll impress the others someday. He knows they only put up with him for entertainment, but he doesn't really care. He just keeps on trying, even if his attempts are pathetic. Because he's wacky, blind, forgetful, and above all, Defective. Accept: How sad.... Again with the 'sad' comments. *has a warped sense of sadness* Edited June 7, 2011 by Drako_tamer Share this post Link to post
Posted June 9, 2011 I just described my first alt female Nebula, Wings of Gallifrey As a hatchling, Gallifrey would always talk about a strange planet she had seen while searching the skies. A planet that orbited twin suns, with skies of orange and amber, a planet that shone like a jewel among jewels. Every night, she would look for this shining world, until one night she could no longer find it, all she could see were asteroids and a brilliant orange nebula that had never been there before. Convinced that it was simply out of sight, the Nebula made her way across the world, always looking for the planet, but only finding clouds of orange and amber dust. Her wings eventually took on the pattern of that nebula, rather than the purples and blues of other known Nebula dragons. While her odd coloration has made her a bit of a novelty whenever she stops for rest, Gallifrey has few friends- at most, she will have one or two temporary traveling companions. (Ohai, new quote system!) Comments: *Accept: Gotta love the Doctor! (I also got a different accept with a rather nice comment, but I lost it since I had to correct a rather glaring error...) Share this post Link to post
Posted June 9, 2011 I just described my first alt female Nebula, Wings of Gallifrey (Ohai, new quote system!) Comments: *Accept: Gotta love the Doctor! (I also got a different accept with a rather nice comment, but I lost it since I had to correct a rather glaring error...) Oh man, that description is beautiful. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 10, 2011 a description that really annoyed me: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEED A GOLD! I DON'T CARE HOW MAY PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS DESCRIPTION! really? Share this post Link to post
Posted June 10, 2011 a description that really annoyed me: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEED A GOLD! I DON'T CARE HOW MAY PEOPLE COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS DESCRIPTION! really? While... extremely annoying (wow, really? ._.), this isn't the place to post descriptions like that... a 'bad descriptions' thread would just open up too much drama. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 12, 2011 Velak was brought to the Royal Menagerie to add more interest to the water walker exhibit and to provide company for Willow. He's attached himself to Ilsha, and entertains her by mimicking her every movement. Velak has become quite a visitor magnet, which makes Ilsha happy, as this gives her more people to watch. * Accept: A story that is obviously intended for the owner, so it is a little off-putting, however good word choice and succient. Nice. * Reject: * Reject: Willow was brought to the Royal Menagerie in an attempt to add some interest to the water walker exhibit. She's adopted Usgyan, feeling it her mission to make him take more enjoyment from life. Willow pokes fun at the visitors and tells Usgyan jokes, trying to get him to laugh, but has only succeeded in annoying him. For all his grumbling and growling, Willow thinks Usgyan is secretly quite fond of her, and she just might be right. * Accept: * Accept: Only makes sense to one person, but really deep and involved. Good grammar, word choice, punction, etc. Good job! ...I can take a hint. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 16, 2011 Accept: Wow! Nice description! *smiles like a moron* Thanks, random person. :3 (At the description of a daydream who brings nightmares. ) Accept: Oh my...I have to watch out for Innatu coming to my clan! Again, thanks for writing something to your accept. All my current comments, except for these and a few "great"s, are blank accepts or rejects. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 18, 2011 (edited) Liui is the Royal Menagerie's resident dragon artist. The dragonkeepers place splotches of paint in various colors on a canvas, he runs through them, and the resulting artwork is sold to raise funds for the zoo. Liui is careful to keep his creations abstract, as he doesn't want the keepers to know just how intelligent he is, but occasionally will slip in something almost recognizable, to see if anyone notices. * Accept: * Accept: Thanks for the giggle, Mathcat! () Cyreta is the long-suffering mate of a would-be dark lord. She's put up with years of ill-considered redecoration (perpetual darkness, skulls, and slime do little for a cave's ambiance), ill-behaved misfit pygmy minions, and the knowledge that her mate (and thus, by extension, her) is the laughingstock of the area. Even Cyreta herself isn't sure why she stays with Hahr, unless it's the - admittedly remote - chance for fame and glory should he achieve his goal. * Accept: Yours are always so funny, Mathcat. * Accept: (I wish they'd seen Hahr's description.) Thanks so much, anonymous reviewer. I'd been having a bad day and your comments made it considerably better. Edited June 18, 2011 by Mathcat Share this post Link to post
Posted June 18, 2011 Luigi Fazoli has one goal in life: to become the best Christmas cook dragon ever. Every spring, Luigi hides in the depths of the coolest caves and works on mixing spices and different varieties of meat to make the most delectable food ever... for humans. Luigi doesn't 'cook' for other dragons because the dragons of Kaoru's Cave prefer their meat raw. Because of this, Luigi is only interested in serving humans their food. He hires Red dragons to bring him their kills during spring and summer, and he works with the meat as much as possible before it gets rotten as he attempts to come up with food he thinks will please humans for the coming winter. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to realize that most humans don't like eating food that was caught and prepared by a dragon. The wizardess Kaoru, however, always makes sure to eat some of Luigi's food for Christmas. * Accept: * Accept: Okay Okay? o.O What kind of okay? "It's okay"? "Okay that's weird"? I was really tired when I wrote it, but I'm not gonna change it. Cornelia was found as an egg by a peasant boy named Match who had no idea how to check the gender of a dragon. Assuming the hatchling was female because the egg was pink, Match immediately established with the aggressive hatchling that its name was Cornelia. He kept the hatchling until it was too big and aggressive to be kept at his place anymore. He then sadly gave it over to its current owner, the wizardess Kaoru. To this day, Cornelia will respond to no other name than his given one. He is aggressive and dominant like most flamingos, though he's much like a big teddy-bear when the peasant boy comes to visit. Being the only Flamingo of Kaoru's Cave, Cornelia prefers to be solitary most of the time and has yet to choose a mate: he probably never will. One thing is for sure, though: Cornelia is loyal to the end to any who get on his good side. * Accept: Ohai Natasha Nice job with Cornelia (and seriously? It wasn't a taken name? Wow.) - I know who wrote that one... Share this post Link to post
Posted June 18, 2011 Ptep arrived one night on Dactyl, the island where Pteprocks' Clan lives, on a small piece of driftwood. The dragons of the clan took a liking to him, and they allowed him to stay until he could find a way off the island. He met Ptero-Rosa Synstylus, a hatchling in the clan that had been inflicted accidentally with a permanent anti-aging spell. He felt sorry for her, and went to Ptero-Lea, a Magi dragon and the leader of the clan. He asked Lea to cast the same anti-aging spell on him so Rosa would have somebody to play with. For this great sacrifice, he was honorarily named after the creator of the clan, Pteprocks, free of the clan's family name. Ptep is now good friends with Rosa Synstylus and with the other dorsal dragons of the clan and their mates. His friends affectionately refer to him as "Pteppy." Reject: 1st sentence doesn't make sense. I can't figure out how it doesn't make sense...? I was wondering if someone could help me out here... O.o Share this post Link to post
Posted June 18, 2011 Ptep arrived one night on Dactyl, the island where Pteprocks' Clan lives, on a small piece of driftwood. I can't figure out how it doesn't make sense...? I was wondering if someone could help me out here... O.o He is both arriving on Dactyl and on a piece of driftwood. Maybe it would read a little easier, "Ptep, floating on a piece of driftwood, arrived one night at Dactyl, the island where Pteprocks' Clan lives." Share this post Link to post
Posted June 18, 2011 I can't figure out how it doesn't make sense...? I was wondering if someone could help me out here... O.o He is both arriving on Dactyl and on a piece of driftwood. Maybe it would read a little easier, "Ptep, floating on a piece of driftwood, arrived one night at Dactyl, the island where Pteprocks' Clan lives." Ah, yes, thank you, I will change it to that. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 21, 2011 For every elegant female dragon there has to be another female attempting to one-up her. Cirrumulus does just that. Whenever a sweet female dragon has a male dragons attention, Cirrumulus will infect his mind with daydreams that usually consist of the dragon experiencing great covet for a beautiful blue dragon atop a cloud. She uses her daydream powers in dangerous ways like this nearly every day, sometimes attracting up to 10 males in a single hour. Obviously this kind of behavior is frowned upon by her owner who constantly has to deal with other owners complaining about their dragons following Cirrumulus home. At one point in time Cirrumulus failed to attract a males attention away from another female dragon. This left her harboring malevolence for the female. Cirrumuluss owner sometimes worries that his flirtatious dragon will one day engage in a fight with that female. Clearly this is a frightening thought as Cirrumulus never practices combat. •Accept: Chg to: male dragon's. covet-->covetousness. Nice. Huuuuuuhhh??? Someone help me understand this comment. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) They mean you need to change male dragons attention to male dragon's attention and great covet to great covetousness. Edit: Oh, and while you're making corrections, a males attention should be a male's attention and Cirrumuluss owner should be Cirrumulus' owner (or possibly Cirrumulus's owner). Kitten is Storm Sparrow's frequent partner-in-crime. If Dragontown's residents thought one rambunctious frozen hatchling was bad, they've quickly discovered that two are more than twice the trouble. Possessing her namesake's curiosity, Kitten is always present when there's something interesting going on, even if several witnesses will swear that they saw her napping peacefully at the other end of town just moments before, and has caused untold damage by way of overturned carts, spooked horses, and spoiled merchandise. After a day of mischief, Kitten's coat is so hopelessly tangled and matted that it takes the combined efforts of Xywin and Elciar to restore it to some semblance of order. Despite all the trouble she causes, many villagers still have a soft spot for their resident pillow dragon, for even at her worst she still manages to be cute. Accept: It's adorable that hatchling is the cutest thing EVER! Very good description! Mister Pi began as just another of the Math Magi's many pupils, but so astounded Gozinth with his mathematical talents that she invited him to stay on as a sort of unofficial mascot. When not encouraging new arrivals to keep up with their studies (why, if he could do it, so could they), he's often performing some of his vast repertoire of mathematical tricks and games. Unlike most magicians (magical or otherwise), Mister Pi is delighted when someone figures out one of his tricks, as this means that they've learned something about math. * Accept: HA! MrPi, I see what you did there!! Ahhhh... * Accept: I loved it, funny, cute, short, and sweet. Very nice. * Accept: Edited June 21, 2011 by Mathcat Share this post Link to post
Posted June 21, 2011 Pex never had much in the way of brains, but he does have a pair of fierce looking pectorals that would make a lot of gorillas incredibly jealous. He also like really likes cookies. # Accept: "RAWR! I HAS MUSCLES! ....Oh hey cookies! Can I has some?" X-D nice job. Amusing description and good name! # Accept: # Reject: This made me laugh, it's funny. There are too many likes in the last sentence though. I love it when the comments make me laugh as much as the description. Kudos person, kudos, and thanks. The likes are intentional. It's a cheerleader/musclehead thing. That's totally like awesome bro. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 21, 2011 Decided to rewrite an old, awful description that somehow got approved. Her real name was Fare, but nobody remembered it anymore. Known merely by the title that condemns her race to near extinction, the very last Kokiri lived a lonely life in the forests she had never once left. Too frightened of the outside world to leave and seek company, but isolated to the point of desperate madness, she spent her days roaming the forest and waiting for the return of her old friends, the rest of her kind. It was here she met a young dragon, who bore the very same appearance as her, weak and alone in the woods. The Last Kokiri, in a twist of fate, had met with The Fallen Hero, and the two were bound for adventure. Finding bravery in their friendship, they left the forest and explored the lands that lay beyond, eventually finding Ra'eo's weyr. The rest, they say, is history. I got an accept (before I noticed I spelt remembered wrong, as always) and then this: Accept: Great story! It made my day that someone would find a draconic re-hash of a terrible old Zelda fanfic of mine decent x3 Share this post Link to post
Posted June 21, 2011 They mean you need to change male dragons attention to male dragon's attention and great covet to great covetousness. Edit: Oh, and while you're making corrections, a males attention should be a male's attention and Cirrumuluss owner should be Cirrumulus' owner (or possibly Cirrumulus's owner). ..... I just realized none of my ' marks showed up on the thing. well that's just annoying. I originally typed it on a word document and copied and pasted it on the thing. Guess I'll be retyping some of it from now on. I don't really like the word covetousness. It sounds odd. "Cirrumulus will infect his mind with daydreams that usually consist of the dragon experiencing a feeling of covet for a beautiful blue dragon atop a cloud." better? Share this post Link to post
Posted June 21, 2011 "Covet" is a verb, but you're using it as a noun. "Covetousness" is a noun, which is why Mathcat suggested it as a replacement. If you don't like Mathcat's suggestion, you could try "great desire" in place of "covet", as "desire" is also a noun. It's just that the phrase "filled with great covet" is bad grammar. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 21, 2011 "Covet" is a verb, but you're using it as a noun. "Covetousness" is a noun, which is why Mathcat suggested it as a replacement. If you don't like Mathcat's suggestion, you could try "great desire" in place of "covet", as "desire" is also a noun. It's just that the phrase "filled with great covet" is bad grammar. Yes "filled with great covet" is bad grammar. consist of the dragon experiencing great covet If you're gonna correct me at least correct me right. And it was changed to this For every elegant female dragon there has to be another female attempting to one-up her. Cirrumulus does just that. Whenever a sweet female dragon has a male dragon's attention, Cirrumulus will infect his mind with daydreams that usually consist of the dragon experiencing a feeling of covet for a beautiful blue dragon atop a cloud. She uses her daydream powers in dangerous ways like this nearly every day, sometimes attracting up to 10 males in a single hour. Obviously this kind of behavior is frowned upon by her owner who constantly has to deal with other owners complaining about their dragons following Cirrumulus home. At one point in time Cirrumulus failed to attract a male's attention away from another female dragon. This left her harboring malevolence for the female. Cirrumulus' owner sometimes worries that his flirtatious dragon will one day engage in a fight with that female. Clearly this is a frightening thought as Cirrumulus never practices combat. because as I said. I don't like the word covetousness, it ruins the flow. And since I'm here. You guys might as well pick apart future descriptions for my other dragons. :3 Like most dark green dragons Florain stays burrowed in the ground. His favorite food is small cats because of their curious nature and habits of sticking their noses into things (like plants). A prey that comes right to him is ideal because of his shyness. Being underground so much he's gotten use to small company. Some might call him anti-social but this would be untrue as he loves a good chat with his owner's other dragons. If it wasn't for him constantly being underground he could probably be an excellent warrior. Day after day his owner will see him use stunning attack moves on prey. Though the prey is small, the talent is there. With every attack you can see Florain's muscles move in delicate but precise ways. One day another owner remarked at Florain’s talents saying, "He'd be amazing if he would come out of the ground for something other than prey and rain!" Solarity may be the most perseverant dragon you'll ever meet. His arrogance drives him to complete and succeed at whatever he puts his mind to. There's always complicated characters that are hard to understand like this. A dragon that is always finding new things to be good at is one that you admire, but a dragon always boasting about their accomplishments is one that easily annoys you. Whilst his personality is lacking, Solarity is a dragon always looking statuesque. Every morning he finds the highest cliff to perch on, and then he'll spread his magnificent wings before the rising sun. When the sun reaches a higher point in the sky he'll take off and cast elegant shadows over the world below as he dances through the air. One might call it beautiful if they didn't know he was probably thinking, "Let's see any other dragon look this good." Share this post Link to post
Posted June 24, 2011 On the second description, the third sentence in the first paragraph seems to be nonsecular. You might want to try saying "He is a complicated character that is hard to understand" or "He is a complicated character that nobody really understands." On another note, I have gotten some oddball comments myself. Flirianaik's parents where both mercenaries, so he usually lived with Niharia when he was young. Once, for being good during a meeting Niharia needed to go to, he was rewarded with a trip to an art gallery. He immediately fell in love with the artwork, especially sculptures, that he saw, and did not understand why dragons did not display their hordes in a likewise manner. Over time, he was allowed to visit others, and his love for art only grew. When he matured, Flirianaik became a sculptor, but nobody would buy his art because they feared he would try to steal it back later. After people where enraged by his attempts, and sent knights to slay him, he fled into the desert. This did not discourage him out of artwork, though, and he continues to blow glass into sculptures, which litter his territory. In the nearby areas, it is rumored that there is a demon that turns living creatures into glass, inspired by the quality of Flirianaik's work. Accept: we're instead of where. otherwise, awesome Abstain: normal Accept: Where is the we're/where mess-up? Also, why is boring bad? Share this post Link to post
Posted June 24, 2011 Where is the we're/where mess-up? Also, why is boring bad? I think he or she meant "were" instead of "we are". First line: Flirianaik's parents where both mercenaries should be: ...parents were both Sixt line: After people where enraged by his attempts, should be: ...people were enraged I hope this helps :3 Share this post Link to post
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