Description comments

[Sunrise]

Doughnuts were made by the gods. They're timeless. Made in the beginning of time, and given to humans as one of the single greatest gifts to humanity ever, right above life and fire.

Nice one.

[Pink]

Doughnuts were made by the gods. They're timeless. Made in the beginning of time, and given to humans as one of the single greatest gifts to humanity ever, right above life and fire.

Nice one.

Thank you.

I always try to have valid reasons for objects included in my descriptions.

V_V

 

[dracoon]

As for stuff I've rated, I found a description for a gold dragon begging for metallics. Reject with the one-word comment "No."

Same. Because I called something ripped straight off the dragon description idiocry I had my rates revoked entirely. I've responded with a lot of 'no's regarding one word descriptions and one related to the usage of leet, if I recall.

[RheaZen]

I think I just came across that one. Was it a green stripe?

[Obscure_Trash]

* Abstain: Too long

 

995... or did I miscount?

Sometimes, you just can't win with reviewers. x3

 

I've seen some really great short ones rejected for being "too short" and some really great long ones rejected for being "too long" (and yet all of the cut off ones I've come across have positive ratings and comments raving about it). o_O

[RheaZen]

Oh, so it wasn't a matter of character count. I'll just stick with my one nice Accept comment

 

I've had a well-liked cut-off one before. It was you who told it it was cut off, actually. Hah.

[Sinsdaemn]

Kidol Kami Krevetka had an odd upbringing. Because of his family's penchant for interesting names and owing to his prestigious half pumpkin half pygmy lineage he grew up arrogant and much adored. Gifted with an extraordinary flair (though love would be just as apt an adjective) for language and Flyfruitzing (the local sport) he was the rumored pick to represent the pygmies for the next generation. One particular day a group of strange dragons entered the territory and asked for safe passage. The apparent spokesperson for them happened to be a pygmy who rather intrigued him for her restraint from pronouncing his full name (something he'd never recalled happening before considering how alliteratively tempting it is). Further, she demonstrated a talent for the game when challenged. Curious as to the reasons for the journeying, and drawn to the equally alliterative ridden pygmy Kidol decided such a troupe needed him and has thus been with them since, despite any objections to the contrary.

User Comments

• Accept:
• Accept:

Tentative foray into this aspect of DC. ;;>..>

 

As my talents lie, that was a rather lukewarm and tame attempt. Not very inspiring or particularly provoking though I am grateful for the accepts. Huh, comments really do help. Will do that right now. But eh, just barely managed to fit the description into the 1000 characters limit as well, so m'thinking may be a frequent abuser of that too long bit. Then again, I do love to text wall so this comes as no surprise.

 

Apologies in advance.

Edited April 20, 2011 by Sinsdaemn

[dracoon]

I think I just came across that one. Was it a green stripe?

No, it was a purple dorsal. I had my priviledges revoked for a while so you'll have to bear with me.

 

One did touch me though- it was short, but I really liked it. For a Whiptail, but one line.

 

I think she's beautiful.

 

For a Whippie lover/hoarder like me, you could've imagine my happiness seeing it. My response was:

 

I think she's beautiful too. Why not let's expand it together? ~dracoon

 

*sheepish grin*

[RheaZen]

Haephaestus Koruk is a silent dragon, never having made a sound or sent a telepathic message. A loner, he lurks in an subterranean cavern where streams of lava flow and pool. He is a mystery to most, although he has revealed to a few dragons what he does in his underground fortress. To them, he revealed small and intricately detailed sculptures made of volcanic glass and bugger the bell rang I'll finish this description later don't comment please really-

* Abstain: This is really good. Say "a subterreanean" instead of "an" though

* Accept:

 

O.o

 

lul

[Lolchen]

For my black dragon gal:

The night was almost over, dawn was steadily approaching. Imfee stared out of the cave's entrance. Her black scales gave her the perfect night camouflage, only her eyes could sometimes be seen glinting in the faint light. Every morning she sat there, awaiting the rising sun, hoping that maybe... As the valley was slowly tinted in reds, she sat there, contemplating the past. When she closed her eyes, she could smell him again. Flying with the wind, his muzzle pulled in a dazzling smile. His voice whispering sweet promises, carried away by the breeze. He said he loved her. That they would stay together forever. That they were meant to be. And she had believed him. A bitter smile crosses Imfee's face as she opens her eyes again. One day he said he had to leave. She begged him not to, but he wouldn't listen to her. He promised to come back to her one day. It had been many winters since. And still she sat waiting for him every day, hoping that he would finally return to her. He never did.

 

* Accept: Aw...sad ending...but I love it! Very dramatic.

* Accept: This is amazing!!!!!

 

*hugs* Thank yous!

 

 

My first Split desc.:

Originally, this dragon's name was Hermione. However, due to an accident in her hatchlinghood, the second head gained its own personality. Since this split personality demanded a name of its own, each head took half of their original name, creating 'Herm and Mione'. Their personalities are as split as their name. Herm is the intelligent, curious one, while Mione is more reckless and has a well-hidden temper. When Mione wants to go into the forest and discover knowledge for herself, Herm would rather stay at the cave and question the older dragons about their experiences. Still, they have some traits in common, for example their thirst for knowledge, their thrive for wisdom and their absolute stubbornness.

* Abstain: thrive for wisdom-> drive for wisdom, or thirst for wisdom.

* Accept:

* Reject:

* Accept:

* Accept:

 

Thanks for the accepts and the crit! I can't believe how many mistakes I worked into that one *grumbles* Must've been half-asleep or something.

Edited April 20, 2011 by Lolchen

[Obscure_Trash]

I've had a well-liked cut-off one before. It was you who told it it was cut off, actually. Hah.

Bahaha, true. Some of the best and most well-written descriptions are cut-off ones. I just have to wonder how closely reviewers are reading to see it wasn't finished. D:

[vegetariancannibal]

A shy dragon, Thalira was very young when she arrived on the island of Clementine. She had been shunned by the rest of her family and so had taken to wandering.

The first dragon to gain her friendship was Sanjam, whom she later fell in love with. Maybe because of his small size and bright colouring he didn't seem so threatening. She agreed to let him introduce her to other dragons, and she soon had a small group of friends to interact with. She would probably have lived very pleasantly, if not for the other Blacks.

Thalira is one of the few dragons on the island to know Noah's true nature. When she refused to join the other Black dragons' group, Noah began to threaten her. Telling Sanjam of this, she was surprised when he promised to stay with her despite the danger. The two of them surround themselves with friends for protection, and live on a mostly hebivorous diet. Although they are unsure if an attack will ever come, they encourage their children to leave the island, just in case.

 

Accept: Good story!

Accept:

 

Thank you (whoever you are)! I'm pretty pleased with it myself!

[Liadin]

My first description ever:

 

Being a direct descendant of Fihfco Doricu Thuwed and Cowodtuh0 Kxidtoh Thuwed, Ace Thuwed originates from a proud and pure lineage on the paternal side of his family. Compared to this his mother's family can be considered a messy lot, which especially is the reason for the scorn of his father's relatives.

Growing up with the hatred and dislike literally hovering over his head, the young Thuwed worked hard to be best at whatever he did to please his relatives and to gain their acceptance.

Due to this he was called 'Ace' by some of his closest friends at an early age and soon adapted this as his new first name, leaving behind the name his father had chosen for him, based on the naming scheme of his family.

However, until today Ace still carries the name 'Thuwed' with a mixture of solemn defiance and satisfaction, knowing that his relatives would prefer if he took over his mother's family name.

 

Accept: Very nice. Works quite well with the lineage and all around descriptive.

Accept:

Reject:

Accept:

 

(info: father's side pure thunderXnebula, mother: messy black)

 

Thanks for the comment !

Anyone that can explain me the reject ?

[RheaZen]

Some people are just asses, that's what. It's random and not to be worried about.

[vegetariancannibal]

Whenever I get a random reject like that (I think I have three floationg around) I just ignore it unless there is actually any feedback.

 

And if the feedback is confusing just use common sense. If your description fits the guidelines then other users' opinions don't really matter. Or, at least, the more mature people here don't try to impose their style preferences onto people.

 

If you're getting some accepts and no negative (vocal) feedback then your description's probably fine.

 

And even if it gets rejected, you'll always know why.

[klinneah]

For my paper dragon, The Book of Ecclesiastes:

When the book burnings began, Ecclesiastes didn't stick around. Because he was small enough to fit into a backpack, Ecclees managed to escape the most dangerous libraries before the search for him got too hot. House after house, library after library was torched in the frenzied search for his friends and family. Hiding escpecially from the shrewd Captain Beatty and his Hound was more work than he expected, but he finally found safety around the shoulders of an unlikely friend--the ex-fireman Guy Montag.

Accept: Are you sure you meant to write "Ecclees" with two "e"? Otherwise I can only say: Fahrenheit 451!!!

 

To you random commenter: Yes, yes I did.

(Ecclesiastes is pronounced eh-klee-see-a-stees, right?)

[Lolchen]

For my paper dragon, The Book of Ecclesiastes:

 

Accept: Are you sure you meant to write "Ecclees" with two "e"? Otherwise I can only say: Fahrenheit 451!!!

 

To you random commenter: Yes, yes I did.

(Ecclesiastes is pronounced eh-klee-see-a-stees, right?)

Haha, that was me ^^°

No clue how it's pronounced in English, since I'm German... we pronounce it differently, so I was going by how it's written.

[klinneah]

Huh. Yeah, I kinda figured that whomever-it-was was going by how it was spelled. How do you pronounce it?

[vegetariancannibal]

Haha, I got a funny one on Gravy's description:

There was an air of mystery surrounding the birth of Gravy and his twin brother Sanjam. Their eggs were found together, nestled at the bottom of a tree. Nobody knew where they had come from. As such, their progress was watched by nearly everyone on the island. Benjamin and Abraham secretly rejoiced when the hatchlings turned out male, because they knew the stigma surrounding the colour pink would now be dissolved.

Gravy was the second Sweetling to hatch. Upon hatching he let out a series of squeaks that sounded like "I kill white gravy!", so "Gravy" became his nickname from then on. Gravy is very playful, but also extremely serious. He works alongside the healers, using his agility and keen sense of smell to fetch necessary plants and herbs in an emergency.

He is mated to one of the White dragons, Thalia, who loves him for his vitality and level-headedness. Although she is almost twice his size, they love to play and wrestle together, rolling on the ground like a couple of hatchlings.

 

Accept:

Accept: Cute. x3

 

To tell you the truth I was just waiting for something like that.

[Stealthypugs]

I'm finally getting around to writing more descriptions, and editing some of my older ones. This next one is for my albino hatchie.

 

Marhuine is a very non-social little soul, that spends her time watching the pink hatchies play from afar (which earned her the name 'Dwelling Darkness'). Her skin is usually pink, nearing red, which is most likely from sitting out in the sun for such a long time. Being young, Marhuine's skin doesn't yet produce a potent enough oil to protect it from the rays of the burning sun. Although it is fairly obvious its color is due to a sunburn, many young dragons joke about it being a blush from when some pink hatchie pointed out that the young albino was cute.

Accept:

Accept: mmmm oil >w>

 

[Lolchen]

Huh. Yeah, I kinda figured that whomever-it-was was going by how it was spelled. How do you pronounce it?

It's quite similar to yours, now that I think about it. I'd say "eh-kleh-see-ah-stess" in my tongue.

[Switch]

From my s1 Nebula:

Space Core's hyperactive behavior has been painfully prominent since the moment the little Nebula hatched. As soon as he emerged from his eggshell, having been born in the middle of the night, Space Core twitched and began shrieking excitedly, almost manically, staring up at the night sky and babbling enthusiastically (and rather disjointedly) about space. By day, Space Core agitatedly stares at the sky, shrieking that space "is gone." At night, Space Core will hyperactively stare at the night sky, resuming his enthusiastic babbling about "space": "Space, space! So much space. Gotta see it all. Space!" He also tends to react strangely to other Nebula Dragons, often excitedly shrieking that they have "space" on their wings.

 

Accept:

Accept: Adorable. It made me smile.

 

...And thank you, unknown commenter.

 

Also, it's official, everyone loves the Space Core now. :'3

[Pinkie]

Gots a new batch after being away for a while

This pair's kind of sad, but they end up okay.

 

Kehma's return to Elders met a hero's welcome.

The young dragon is a member of the Swift-Foot division, scouts and message carriers between the clans. She is one of the best; since she is not only quick but she can defend herself.

Which is why she was chosen to transport vital information that could change the tide in the war versus Creorluna. Unfortunately, spies are everywhere

Creorluna intercepted her. Despite her skills as a fighter, she cannot take on the entire clan alone.

She was tortured within an inch of her life. But she couldn't reveal the information to her captors, even if it meant the sweet release of death. She had to complete her mission.

Luckily, she wasn't alone. A Creorlunite, Shizane, took pity on her. He supplied her with extra rations and helped her whenever he could. She finally managed to convince him to aid her escape.

But she was not exactly happy afterwards. He'd promised he'd follow her. Shizane. What if he got caught...

 

•Accept: Excellent (but sad, poor Kehma)

•Accept:

•Reject:

Grrr stupid random rejector. Just had to reply to this a little though. You don't have to be worried about this couple...their story ends up happy, for the most part.

 

Shizane's meek, small voiced and easily blurring into the background. He's small and not strong in mind or body. He's scrawny. The scales on back of his wings have been sliced clean off.

No one cared why he sought refuge in Elders. There were others with more tragic tales they flaunted like battle scars.

He was of Creorluna, born into the evil cult. He wasn't anything special, so he was put on prison duty. His job was to keep the prisoners healthy enough so they wouldn't die.

Here he met the prisoner Kehma. He really liked her, secretly giving her extra rations. She convinced him to aid her escape. He stockpiled magic then healed her and broke her out.

But his betrayal was discovered.

They ripped him apart till he was near death. In desperation, his father secretly switched places with him. Both his parents died within the month, Dad from pain and Mom from a broken heart.

This young stud has lost everything and has little to show for it. Yet he remains forgotten. Or is he...

 

Not hard to fill in the blanks from here. Kehma finds Shizane and while Shizane still has a lot he's lost, he has her. They already have one baby together, part of my Neotropical, purebred lineage.

 

Yip is delusional though well-intended. She's convinced that she's the most stealthy, aerodynamic dragon in the clans. Frequently she's seen stalking around, her fur scraping the ground noisily as she attempts to scare other dragons. It never works out. A deaf dragon could hear her coming miles away.

She likes to hide in closets in the nearby town. For a while, she actually did get a few screams. But eventually the nearby towns people became desensitized to her harmless antics and now just kind of roll their eyes.

Yip has an extreme fear of fire. Any dragon that wants her to leave them alone need only threaten her a bit with flame. Those who can't breathe fire are out of luck.

If she catches on that you are irritated with her, she'll only bug you more. Shockingly, this is how she found her mate. After almost killing her in a blind fury, he felt so bad he ended up falling for her. She fauns all over him and he just takes it. Anyone else who tries it won't live to see tomorrow.

 

•Accept: Saw the mate's descript. Cute. "Blind furry" on purpose, or no?

•Accept: Fury* Or were you intending on furry? Good description, BTW.

•Accept:

 

Thanks. I fixed it and resubmitted.

And wowza Appah's is approved? Getting speedy

 

For all her ferocity, Emowlye is not what you'd ever expect from a hellfire. Raised by Aeyla, one of the smartest dragons in the Elder clan, Emowlye gained the nickname "Owl" when she was very young. This was due to her nocturnal nature and profound intelligence.

She's not very strong and she definitely prefers to run than fight. She's also bit shy and awkward around others. Fortunately, her calm nature and loyal tendencies have earned her many friends among the latest generation of Elders.

Among these is the young dragon Alamtte. She prefers Alamtte's company to just about everyone else's and this proved to be a problem. After seeing Almatte together with Bane, Owl was desperate for answers. Whatever interest the vampire had in her friend it couldn't be good.

Owl was too smart for her own good and discovered Bane's true identity, the one he had before he was a vampire. The discovery made her all the more eager to put an end to their friendship. But for now, she can't prove anything

 

•Accept:

•Accept:

•Accept: Amazing! ~Power_Of_Tri_Wisdom~

 

Thanks...her personality and name were inspired by the fact that her code has the word owl in it.

[Pink]

I FINALLY got some comments.

I went through about 10 descriptions without getting any.

</3

 

MY MOTHER HATES ME escaped his mother as a hatchling. Being something of an overdramatic mother, she had tried to sacrifice him to the "god of fabercrombie and itch" or some strange thing shortly after she found out he was a boy.

He ran away, and now whenever he hears the word "fashion" he immediately panics and faints.

 

  * Accept:

    * Accept:

    * Accept:

    * Accept:

    * Accept: ...funnay

 

Not much, admittedly, but at this point I'll take anything. :\

 

This is the Cookie Monster. She has an obsession with cookies.

She enjoys hanging out in trash cans and stealing any cookies she can find.

She will shout, "MY COOKIE!" at anyone who passes her trash can in an effort to ward off possible competitors.

    * Accept:

    * Accept: Heh..."MY COOKIE FOOL! NOT YOURS!!!!" *hides in cornor*

 

CHUU NU STEAL MAH COOKIE!

>:\

Is that it? Are all the description reviewers just hiding in corners or something?

This is a paradox.

[vegetariancannibal]

I've already posted Lady Wampyr on here before, but I got another comment! (The new one is in italics.)

 

On a stormy night, an egg was thrown from Clementine's highest cliff in a burst of rage. Perhaps it was fate that made it hit the only piece of sand on that rocky shore. Despite this luck, the egg was still doomed to die. Alone and cold, it would soon be drowned by the sea if not frozen by the time the tide came in.

Except that by chance, Lord Wampyr was walking along the beach that night. He saw the egg, the unborn hatchling close to death, and in an act of mercy injected it with his venom.

Lady Wampyr was raised alone, with only Lord Wampyr for company. She knows she can never go outside, as the daylight would make her ill and she is unable to conceal herself at night. Lord Wampyr is completely honest with her, even going out of his way to find answers for her questions, and is never unkind to her. She is troubled by the plight of her parents, Shani and Diggory, and by the Clementine-Deirwater conflict, but accepts the fact that neither she nor Lord Wampyr can intervene.

 

Accept:

Accept: Love it!

Accept: This is a beautifully written description, very well done.

Accept:

 

I'm really glad people are liking this one, it kind of makes up for the frankly awful writing on my first few descriptions.

 

ETA: Found another one!

 

Before Jast reached the island of Clementine one would have assumed he had the spirit of a restless adventurer. In fact, he was just looking for the right kind of company.

Jast had always been considered a little... strange by the dragons he met. He was perfectly polite and composed when he talked to them, and in fact was very entertaining with his conversation, but they could sense a kind of repressed energy within him. He never stayed long though.

What Jast needed was someone he could romp around and be silly with, whilst still having intellectual conversations. This is what he found in the two "brothers" Gerard and Graeme. When he arrived on the island they bonded instantly. The three of them muck about during the day, and before bed time they perform shadow puppet shows for the hatchlings. Collectively, Graeme, Gerard and Jast are known as the three puppeteers.

Recently they have taken to playing news from the Clementine-Deirwater conflict(for the adults)before the main show.

 

Accept: This made me chuckle!

Accept:

 

Again, I'm glad people are liking these ones. And I'd like to say a quick thanks to the two users who picked up on the spelling mistake in Jast's Gerard's description. I was very tired that night.

 

Edit: I was very tired last night as well, evidently.

Edited April 27, 2011 by vegetariancannibal