What Big Life Changes Have You Been Through?

[orrrangeee]

*Disclaimer: I tried my best to browse through the first ten forum pages, and used the search engine to find similar topics. It's also very late where I live, and quite possibly I missed something. If this is a dupe, mods please accept my apologies and feel free to close. Thanks!

 

I thought we could reflect/share our experiences with ending an "era" in our lives, and starting a new one. Whether it's moving cities, the end of your childhood, changing your career, or the start of parenthood: what was the experience like? Were you exhilarated? Scared? What kind of challenges did you face? Do you have a funny story about it?

 

I have two days left to accept a college offer and it's giving me major anxiety. I can either stay in my hometown with my boyfriend, or move *quite literally* across the country, completely alone. Since I was little, I'd always wanted to move out, but the older I get the more big changes terrify me. I can't even begin to comprehend how different life is going to be, and the idea of graduating into the less than decent job market in my (already struggling before coronavirus) province terrifies me. 

Edited April 26, 2020 by DOLPHIN232

[w0rmg0d]

Did you end up accepting it?   

 

Moved across the country to be with a guy when I was 17 and it didn't work out. Stayed there for a different guy till I was 23 and that didn't work out either. Idk. I missed my family a lot and I missed a lot of opportunities and now I'm like, for what? I missed the degree I actually wanted because of a boy? Ugh

 

I don't like or trust people, generally, so my advice is probably worthless, but ig like... don't stay for him if you're gonna resent him for it. Not that this advice matters since the deadline has passed.

 

My recent big life change is I got married! Sometimes I wonder if I'm really ready for this, mostly because it's really hard for me to do a lot of "responsible adult stuff," and I know that that's because of my disabilities and not because I'm lazy or irresponsible but my anxious irrational brain keeps being like "you're like a literal 5 year old and she deserves better" 

 

On the other hand, I adore her, and every single day I'm grateful that she's in my life. She's my best friend and my whole world and my reason for living. I'm so blessed that we were born when we were and not 50 years earlier, so that not only can we be together openly without fear in most places but we can be legally, officially married! I got to marry my best friend and I'm so grateful for that.

 

Here's a spoiler box for no reason because I'm on mobile and don't know how to erase it:

 

Spoiler

 

 

Edited May 5, 2020 by w0rmg0d
removed extraneous details

[thewisdomninja]

Recently, just about a week and a half ago, I finally moved out of my toxic household & got an apartment with my girlfriend. For years I’ve been wanting to move out, but have never had the money or means of doing so. My mother’s an addict, and a very, very mean one at that (sorry to get so personal!) and has been degrading me my entire life.. telling me I’d live with her until I’m 40, that I’ll never accomplish anything in life & that I’m just a waste of space. Yet here I am, chilling on the couch in my apartment, living off of my hard earned money, and doing more with myself than I ever expected. I believed her for so long, dealt with unimaginable trauma, and genuinely suffered for nearly my entire life. I didn’t think I’d live past the age of 16... I’m 20 now, and I now know that I have the potential to be who I want, to do what I want, and not live a life consumed in fear. This is a new chapter for me. I can’t wait to see where this new life takes me, because anywhere is better than where I was previously ❤️ 

[HeatherMarie]

My recent big life change is getting laid off because of the pandemic. Company is on 'essential employees only' for now, which appears to be about 20% of normal. For the past 4 years or so I've only been working 8 hours a week due to health issues, and I do sometimes take short medical leaves when things get too bad... So for the first couple weeks after being laid off it didn't really feel that bad, felt like just another small leave. I cried when they told me, but it didn't *really* hit me until a couple weeks later. I worked at that company for 12 years, it's the only real job I've ever had, and it's a *big* change for me now. Supposedly they plan on re-hiring many of the same employees, including me, but... Who knows.

 

I think the biggest life-change in my life was in 9th grade, multiple things that basically turned my life upside-down. Short version is that bad things had happened the past few years, including my parents getting divorced and my grandma and grandpa both dying (I was *very* close to them), and I hadn't really grieved and dealt with it all I guess? I was seeing a therapist but things kept getting harder and harder to deal with, I eventually had a breakdown at school and went into an in-patient mental hospital place. Which was a horrible place and made me even worse, so my mom pulled me out and I went to a totally different out-patient place for two months. When that was over we both decided we just needed a complete change, so my mom and I moved here. I'd lived in San Diego my whole life and had only been out of the state a few times so moving to a different state where we knew no one at all was pretty scary. It ended up being a great change though, and I've now lived here longer than I'd lived there.(Full disclosure, though we didn't actually know anyone here it wasn't a completely unknown place, we used to come here for short vacation trips, and strangely enough this is where my mom and dad eloped!)

[dragon_mando]

Hoo boy. There's been a couple.

 

Childhood ending, trying to make it on my own, starting my career, and moving across the country pretty much almost at the same time. I was kicked out of my parents' home not long after reaching legal adulthood (but because of mental illness and developmental issues I definitely wasn't mentally an adult yet) mid-fall in a very cold part of the country and fled south so I wouldn't freeze--I had nowhere else to go anyway. I had to figure everything out at once and it was terrifying. I got an estranged relative to take me in for a little while, but as soon as I had a job I was out. A few years paying my own rent and I started college and that whole process was terrifying too. And in the middle of my junior year I got a TBI that left me barely able to walk for half a year and still needing leg braces and a cane for another year after that. Learning to navigate a whole new physical and mental disability was scary, too. Still is. Then I graduated a year behind schedule, but I made it (at 28). Now later this week I'm interviewing for a post-grad program and I'm sweating bullets.

[Sesshomaru]

• Being ripped away from everything I knew at 9 years old, after which I was forced to live with someone mentally ill because he could afford a better lawyer than my mom. It was so long ago now that it's like ancient history.
• Accepting the fact that I'm not autistic or ADHD; just really ****ing weird. I was confirmed to be a fast processor in my last EEG, which might motivate me to retest my IQ after all. That the source of my weirdness could be so simple, after all...
• Receiving the news that I'm one of those lucky unicorns whose JME has probably gone away for good, but I do have a high-rising epiglottis and probably sleep apnea (hence I'm always tired). Yippee.
• Realizing that I may never fully trust humans, and that's perfectly all right. I just have to tolerate them. There are one or two that I trust.

[lexi_]

when i was 14 my dad died, which even though we knew he had cancer for a couple years it was still very sudden since it out of nowhere got really bad. that was a huge turning point in itself. 

 

and id been in denial about it for a long time because i hadnt realized how bad it was, but i talk about my mother a lot to online friends and i thought that it just wasnt a big deal, or that she "wasnt that bad", but the realization that my mom is.. literally abusive (she told me to kill myself when she knew id been very depressed for.. years, even before my dad died. sorry to get so personal/ranty ;;) has been an eye opener, and has definitely changed the way i look at things. like, my entire view on everything. i can't get out of my household yet, but i know that once i do thatll be the biggest change to ever happen to me, whether its for better or for worse. 

[Ribombee]

Just this year: Got my Ph.D., started a new job at a zoo, person who hired me left and now the person over me is horrid. So I am already covertly looking for other opportunities. I really want to go back to teaching, but I don't want to teach at an R1 uni. I would like to teach at a community college, to be honest. I may have an in for that if I stay at this job a while, though, so I will probably stick it out. It sucks because I commute so far every day and have to be here every Saturday, too. I really just want to be able to go back to dog shows and trials on weekends once they open again. Which at this rate, who knows when that will even be.

[Zicdragonguy118]

It was when the whole house got renovated. There were so many things to throw away, so many stocked up and useless things. There also so many filthy things, there were also some things that I got a bit attached to but had to throw away anyways. After it was done the whole house never felt so fresh, everything is a lot tidier and cleaner it almost felt like a new home. I even moved to a new room!

[w0rmg0d]

On 6/29/2020 at 10:07 PM, Sesshomaru said:

•  forced to live with someone mentally ill

 

hey, as someone with multiple mental illnesses, equating mental illness and bad behavior like this does no one any favors. the idea that mentally ill = toxic allows abusers who have mental illnesses an excuse for bad behavior, while also increasing the stigma against an already stigmatized and marginalized group.

[PrincessLucy]

My mother passed away at the end of April, and I had to move so we could sell the house. It was a lot of change, as my son had quit his job to take care of her so we wouldn't have to bring anyone in during Covid.

 

Bought a condo in August.

 

Retired yesterday.

 

My mother's house sale closes on Feb 3. 

[Impulsive_Egg]

2022 was the worst year for me yet.

Around this time last year, while I was in art college, I overheard some classmates discussing another local college that offered a major in creative writing (which was something I'd always wanted to do as a career since I was a kid). I spiraled into an identity crisis thinking "What the hell am I doing here in art school when I could be doing that instead?" I withdrew from my illustration class and started the transition to the other college.

I was also dealing with losing my partner/best friend after we a) had a weird, non-communicative break-up and b) he found a new group of friends to hang out with and pretty much left me behind. That part still is not resolved, I've just removed him from every part of social media I could because I couldn't stand to be reminded that he was existing without me and that I was no longer needed.

My aunt died in April, and even though it was a long time coming, it hit like a freight train, and her funeral was the worst. There wasn't an urn, there wasn't a eulogy, there wasn't even a picture of her. And the worst part about it is that after the service, Pastor Mighty Bean had the gall to make fun of me for sulking in the corner looking upset? It was messed up.

Sometime before I took the week off of work for my aunt's funeral, I had a mental breakdown at work, and my boss made it worse by goading me - she was literally being verbally abusive to me like I was her grandkid - and I had the first genuine panic attack I've had since high school. I quit the week I came back to work, and I felt like a complete failure.

It was honestly the lowest point I've been since I was hospitalized in 2015. But now I'm doing so much better: I've transferred colleges and now I'm pursuing my real passion of being an author, I've gotten another job and I'm making more than I was before, we got another kitten, my mom has finally retired so she's not perpetually stressed out anymore. Things are finally looking up for me.

[Kitsuma]

I've had quite a few. As someone who also suffers from anxiety I feel ya on that front. Probably the biggest one I had was when I had to resign from teaching. It was very sudden, but due to my mental and physical health rapidly declining due to the major stress of it all. (My blood pressure was going through the roof that the school nurse said if I don't find a way to lower it via medication or something else, I could very well end up in the hospital.)

 

But the day I resigned, I had a major panic attack. Fortunately, it was not in front of students. I had managed to get to a colleague I trusted when I felt the signs coming. Unfortunately she had another colleague in with her that...is a bit of a gossip. I had become non-verbal and our poor principal (this was her first year as a principal) was at a loss for what to do. The school counselor was called in and I was taken to the local guidance center for basically emergency therapy.

 

This majorly changed my life, because I needed to find a new job and at the time, I had moved away from my hometown. So there were not actually a lot of jobs available. Eventually I worked in a nursing home, but small gas towns are not cheap and I could not afford to live there anymore. Especially since my health was not improving. (There was a colleague who practically bullied me every start of my shift. She was day and I was night. She would call out every single one of my mistakes or blame me for everything happening. In front of the residents!) Well, you can imagine 1. not making enough money, and 2. the stress from this new coworker were in no ways good for me. So I moved back home. I'm fortunate enough that I have quite the loving family and it has worked out well for all of us. I actually have the chance to save money since we all pitch in.

 

But yes, moving away can be scary. When I moved to the dorms for college, I had a roommate I got along with really well. Though I was not far away from home. I could visit easily enough. I don't know how far away you are from your family, but I can tell you that my time at college was one of the best times of my life! You'll find your people. You'll get to experience being independent which is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. But during this time, you'll get to find out who you are, what you really like, and friends that can last lifetimes. My former roommate and I don't get along anymore unfortunately, but I cherish the time we had together.

 

But I made a friend I'm super close with and we still communicate and talk regularly. I was even a bridesmaid for her wedding! And last and certainly not least, I met my girlfriend in college. She lives in the same town as me, and so during college and after we've been close. Though we've only been dating for about a year. So you'll make wonderful memories! Just got to take that first leap. Like jumping into the pool