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The "How was your Day" thread

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(I'm not going to harm myself, don't worry about that. I just needed to vent.)

 

I'm depressed. I have had depression and anxiety bubbling under the surface since this quarantine started and I guess it's just boiling over today. Related to quarantine, and to the general general state of the world, and to some things in my personal life that aren't supposed to be discussed here.

 

I feel like my life is meaningless. I wonder what's the point of any of this. Wash the dishes and the sink just fills up the next day. Pay the bills and more bills just come later. And for what? What are any of us working towards? Some people end up making a real difference, but they're few and far between, and for the most part it requires being born into lucky circumstances. Rich family to support a college education or help you start a business, charisma to get through job interviews, a brain and body that allow you to function properly. So what are the rest of us supposed to do? Pay our bills and wash our dishes and work minimum wage jobs until we die so that the people rich enough to own our jobs can get richer? Or, wash our dishes and have our bills and our groceries and our rent depend on whether some government official deems our disabilities "bad enough" to justify benefits?

 

I see posts sometimes that are like "it gets better!" and I never quite believe them because they always seem to be from like, rich abled healthy white people. And once I made the mistake of asking "does it get better for me too?" and got told I was just throwing myself a pity party. I went to therapy for anxiety and it focused on "how unlikely the things you're afraid of are to happen" but the things I'm afraid of are things that have already happened and are currently happening every day. Like sorry my life is harder than yours I guess. 

 

I've had depression for more than half my life and I'm so tired. A place near me does TMS, and I think when this quarantine is over I'm gonna look into that. I don't know if it will actually work. Sometimes I feel like the antidepressants and therapy and everything else is just trying to brainwash me into thinking things are okay when they're not. Sometimes I feel like it's almost immoral to do that, because someone needs to see things as they are. But why does it have to be me?

 

1000th post in this thread, woo.

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I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that thinks that way about the dishes and the bills, @w0rmg0d. I hope the TMS is able to give you some relief.

 

I had a ... weird non-productive-feeling but kind of productive day. I fell over the baby gate that separates my part of the shared office from the front part, throwing my freshly-made mug of hot tea on the floor and landing somewhat on one knee then flat on my stomach, and I just lay there, looking at the mess for a while, trying to figure out if I hurt. I seem to have come through relatively unscathed, though the mug is toast.

I also did my first trip to a food store in over a month, arranged with a friend to meet there, so we chatted from six feet apart while we waited in line. It's actually a lot more pleasant than I anticipated, shopping with hardly anyone around. I'm now well-stocked so should be good for at least two weeks.

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I had a pretty good day today. Got some laundry done and had the motivation to pick up a pencil and draw something for the first time in probably a year! Hopefully it's okay to share the image here, it is what I did today!

Spoiler

AlastorDrawing.jpg.1ca587e9f503be26c5a486e13e1596ed.jpg

 

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Today was good - my husband landed a new job, better pay than the one he recently lost, and in a less expensive area of the country as well. He'll start in just under a month.

 

Tomorrow, the stress begins. Packing, finding a new apartment in another state, finding movers still open despite the virus (since husband and I are getting a little too old and creaky to DIY moving anymore), praying we have enough in the bank to pay for it all... oh yeah, and somewhere in this, I need to find some darned toilet paper! Seriously. We'd just found out his former job was about to go away and had our minds on that, so we missed the memo when the panic-buying started. Even then, we didn't worry too much, as we had over half of a large multipack left at the time. Someone had randomly handed me an extra coupon they hadn't used the last time I'd made the trip to Walmart (mid-February, I think?) and so I'd bought a larger pack than normal. But now we're down to just two rolls and I haven't seen toilet paper in any store in a month!

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It was different and it was the same. I have been going to the beach occasionally between work and home and my service dog and I are the only ones there. We walk all along the shore and I let him walk in the surf a little bit. I can't surf because I am sure having my surfboard sticking out of truck when everyone is supposed to be locked down at home would send up a red flag. And who would  watch Frankie if I was out in the ocean. My county supervisors officially opened up the beaches and I should be very happy but it was strange having people on "my" beach again. I'll get over it, but I wish I had my own beach all the time.
 

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Today was a so-so day. I didn't really do anything today, and I'm kind of kicking myself over it, since I've been trying to keep my productivity up.

Yesterday night we drove past the woods, and it was so beautiful. The trees were black, but the sky was cloudy and pale grey. All the plants were still dead. It just felt so surreal and beautiful. I keep holding onto that memory, I don't know why but it was the prettiest thing I've seen in real life for ages. I can't stop thinking about that.

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My day has bin okay, boyfriend has started a new night shift job so my schedule is a bit out of wack

but i made a cake ive bin craving for a while today, did some farming on monster hunter world today so its bin pretry mediocre for me 

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On 4/21/2020 at 8:56 PM, Aqub said:

I had a pretty good day today. Got some laundry done and had the motivation to pick up a pencil and draw something for the first time in probably a year! Hopefully it's okay to share the image here, it is what I did today!

  Reveal hidden contents

AlastorDrawing.jpg.1ca587e9f503be26c5a486e13e1596ed.jpg

 

 

This is fantastic, good job!! I love Alistair 😍 I want to draw more than I do. I get the opportunity when I pack sandwiches for my wife, I put doodles in them and they like them a lot.

 

(I was gonna share a drawing I did, but idk how to do the "hidden" thing on mobile, so I tried copy-pasting it from your post, but it didn't work, and now it won't let me erase it, so here's a gray box for no reason. 🙄

Reveal hidden contents

AlastorDrawing.jpg.1ca587e9f503be26c5a486e13e1596ed.jpg

 

On 4/23/2020 at 4:47 AM, StormBirdRising said:

It was different and it was the same. I have been going to the beach occasionally between work and home and my service dog and I are the only ones there. We walk all along the shore and I let him walk in the surf a little bit. I can't surf because I am sure having my surfboard sticking out of truck when everyone is supposed to be locked down at home would send up a red flag. And who would  watch Frankie if I was out in the ocean. My county supervisors officially opened up the beaches and I should be very happy but it was strange having people on "my" beach again. I'll get over it, but I wish I had my own beach all the time.
 

 

I love the ocean so much and I wish I lived close to it. When I was a Christian I used to say that the ocean is where I feel closest to God. I'm not a Christian anymore but it still has that feeling for me. Sort of numinous. It feels like coming home. I know that's corny but there it is.

 

I've always wanted to learn how to surf but I don't know anyone who surfs and can teach me. How do?

 

On 4/21/2020 at 8:42 PM, Lagie said:

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that thinks that way about the dishes and the bills, @w0rmg0d. I hope the TMS is able to give you some relief.

 

Thank you. I'm still trying to arrange transportation -- it's an hour away, and several times a week for several weeks. My mom and my wife said they would take turns driving me but I don't think they've actually officially agreed to that yet. 

 

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Today just started, but yesterday was pretty good. Long but good. We got the car fixed, got some laundry done, and spent some time with my parents.

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Posted (edited)

That's a great drawing Aqub.

 

Well, I went to the store today and that was good.  More people were wearing masks and one guy was wearing a full blown respirator - the kind that keeps out nerve gas.  But for the people not wearing masks or wearing them on their chin or with their nose uncovered, I just wanted to scream, "You are telling me that you don't care about others."  I wear a mask and I expect others to do the same.

 

Getting out today did help the awful depression I've been feeling.  I think getting out in the sunshine is what helped.  I need to start taking a walk every day.    

Edited by Classycal

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11 hours ago, w0rmg0d said:

 

Thank you. I'm still trying to arrange transportation -- it's an hour away, and several times a week for several weeks. My mom and my wife said they would take turns driving me but I don't think they've actually officially agreed to that yet. 

 

I hadn't heard about TMS until I read your previous post.  I read a little about it and am going to check into doing that myself.  Thanks.  

 

Sorry for the double post.  Edit was giving  me fits.  

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Really great! Got my new gaming headset in and played Apex for the first time with some friends :)

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Productive so far. Installed our new cable/phone/internet this morning (just moved, but the cable company is doing no-contact - the tech does what's needed on the outside, then drops off the inside equipment and an instruction manual at the door) so I'm back online, woohoo! Trying to organize the closets and the bookshelves next, as we need to get the boxes out of the way before we can set up the dining room table.

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Sleep-deprived, stressing out over procrastinating on homework (pretty sure it's due to ADHD, which I'm fighting for a diagnosis on), and dealing with what I'm 99% sure is costochondritis due to my hypothyroidism. (For those who don't know, costochondritis is the inflammation of the cartilage in the rib cage. It's not dangerous, but if you've also got an anxiety disorder, like me, it can send you into attacks where you're convinced you're dying of heart disease/Covid/what have you, even though you're fine.)

 

But other than that, pretty great. Picked up some sushi, was chosen for a music scholarship that only two people receive every year, and met my crush on a bench at the local beach and talked with him for a few minutes before he left. I thought maybe he was sick of me, until he texted later and apologized for not being social today. If only he knew what I was like everyday lmfao. May Covid end soon so we can all get on happily with our lives again.

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^ If it continues much longer, I will look into that. Thanks.

 

So far, today is going... interestingly. I'm rushing like the White Rabbit to finish some of my homework so my partner doesn't give me the stink eye.

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Books and games are now shelved, all clothing is sorted and put away properly, and the empty boxes are broken down. However, I managed to tweak my knee a bit while arranging the bookshelves, so I decided not to take the trash out tonight because I flat out don't want go up and down stairs right now. Aspirin and rest tonight, trash out tomorrow. It's 95% cardboard anyway, so not like it's going to stink the place up by waiting overnight.

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I could have sworn this egg I got from the AP was marked as a Sunrise dragon. but what hatched out of it definitely seems to be a Sunset. Did I suddenly become dyslexic :wacko:

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On 5/1/2020 at 7:51 AM, w0rmg0d said:

I love the ocean so much and I wish I lived close to it. When I was a Christian I used to say that the ocean is where I feel closest to God. I'm not a Christian anymore but it still has that feeling for me. Sort of numinous. It feels like coming home. I know that's corny but there it is.

 

I've always wanted to learn how to surf but I don't know anyone who surfs and can teach me. How do?

 

 

 

I know what you mean. For me going to the beach is like breathing. I will die without. Here is a How to Surf Manual so you can get tips on how to surf. Surfing is fabulous, it is great exercise and the wind and the surf will make you feel wonderful.  There is nothing like it.  https://www.wikihow.com/Surf

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On 5/4/2020 at 11:02 PM, AngelsSin said:

My chronic fatigue hit me really really hard today. It doesn't help that I've also perversely been having insomnia. I slept longer than I intended and am still tired. I feel physically weighed down, like I'm wearing a fat suit made of lead. Plus the more I try to push past it the more intense it gets and the more that happens the harder it is to think clearly, like my head is full of wool. I have yet to find anything that helps with it.

I know the feeling.  Unless you have chronic fatigue syndrome, you just don't understand.  But the fat suit made out of lead is a pretty description for some it.  

 

On 5/4/2020 at 11:35 PM, Sesshomaru said:

Sleep-deprived, stressing out over procrastinating on homework (pretty sure it's due to ADHD, which I'm fighting for a diagnosis on), and dealing with what I'm 99% sure is costochondritis due to my hypothyroidism. (For those who don't know, costochondritis is the inflammation of the cartilage in the rib cage. It's not dangerous, but if you've also got an anxiety disorder, like me, it can send you into attacks where you're convinced you're dying of heart disease/Covid/what have you, even though you're fine.)

 

I've been battling insomnia.

 

Costchondritis is miserable.

 

On 5/5/2020 at 12:25 AM, AngelsSin said:

 

I deal with costochondritis on a regular basis. It really really sucks.

After being injuried I found that my skeletal system constantly shifts now.I call it rice krispies  it' near constant snap crackle pops. I had trouble with doctors taking me seriously on this issue. I have found often that it causes my ribs to be out of place(not dislocated) which doctors scoffed at at least till they examined me and found every rib but 2 out of place as well as my clavicle and other areas. Also on and off I have hypothyroidism as well. You might want to look a drug called Prednisone which I have found to help with the costochondritis. Also at least with me, seeing a chiropractor helps too. Hopefully this isn't  a common occurrence with you.

Be careful with Prednisone.  It has long term consequences.  

 

I overslept for my Zoom church meeting and got to listen in on the last 10 minutes only.  It was good sleep though which is good for me.  

 

Happy Mother's Day!

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It was okay. Managed to make some revision notes and writings and call my friends. I'm having weird brain fogs and lapses in life-satisfaction throughout the day, however, and my enthusiasm for indoor exercise has faltered, additionally so for jogging. I fear my depression may be coming back. I haven't been out for a couple days and have been relatively sedentary so a combination of inactivity and lack of sun exposure might be driving this. Makes me wonder how many people will be having vitamin D deficiencies towards the end of the pandemic - being confined alone to a small flat seems almost intolerable at times.

 

I have otherwise developed an unhealthy relationship with coursework, falling into procrastination cycles and damaging my mental health over further stress and anxiety just to get it done; a contributing factor to the brain fogs. This is the most socially isolated I have been for a very long time and the additional factor of coursework puts my mental health at an unsustainable level; my emotional resilience and ability to generate feelings of self-worth degrades quickly. I have two courseworks in for this month and two exams right at the beginning of next and I am not going to get one of the courseworks done in time so I am thankful they've made an absolute deadline for it in August.

 

Since most students went home ages ago, my friends have suggested I go for a quiet walk on campus to stay healthy so I think I will do so tomorrow, out of necessity for my mental health. This pandemic has really emphasised just how important it is to maintain the balance between physical and mental health.

 

Stay safe out there, guys, and take care of yourselves.

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Finals are taking up all my time right now... the last week so much school-related has been going wrong and it's really stressful. I'm super happy that summer is almost here, just one more week to get through! 

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Still depressed but trying to fight it by staying busy.  

 

My kitchen sink is clogged up and I can't get it unclogged.  Argghh...

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Posted (edited)

Today was good. The weather was lovely and I managed to do my weekly food shop quick and easily whilst enjoying the sun. I then did a little food prep and managed to sort out all the emails in both my email addresses, unsubscribing from a bunch of mailing lists I wasn't interested in. That took ages, but at least today was a nice distraction and chore day. Though I am a bit worried that I am running out of things to do. :blush: I've already tidied my room and cleaned the house.

 

Actually, at least DC's birthday is tomorrow. That'll give me something to do!

Edited by lovecats99

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Today I moved and left So. Flo for good. I've been wanting to leave for awhile not just So. Flo but Florida entirely and while I'm still in Florida it's at least upstate. So this is just a stepping stone to me. 

Got a lot done but so tired and sore. Place is nicer than I expected. since my mom knew the area better than me she found me this place. I'm mean it's not ideal but it's still good. It's not easy finding a place here since a lot weren't even accepting new applications and those that were wanted people with income which with the pandemic and the fact I just moved and don't have a job here yet I can't provide, so my options were limited.  The major bad thing is while I have a shower there is no bathtub which to me is a huge sacrifice!!! Although I will be getting a hot tub.😻

Still it's all mine been awhile since I lived alone so I'm gonna soak it up and enjoy it.  First night here. I'll have a car soon too.

Bit worried that while moving I misplaced my mask and was around people and no one is wearing masks. Hoping nothing bad comes of it. 

Still have a lot to do tomorrow but most of it is done thankfully. It'll be an early night for me.  But I'm pretty happy right now.

My brother is getting the treatment and therapy he desperately needed. I'm hoping it will do him some good but once he's out I have my doubts he will stick with it.  So we'll see.

 

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On 5/6/2020 at 5:47 AM, StormBirdRising said:

 

I know what you mean. For me going to the beach is like breathing. I will die without. Here is a How to Surf Manual so you can get tips on how to surf. Surfing is fabulous, it is great exercise and the wind and the surf will make you feel wonderful.  There is nothing like it.  https://www.wikihow.com/Surf

 

Thank you

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