The Unofficial Advice Thread

[jesterboohoo]

I've just got back from America two weeks go after flying out there to meet up with a person that I met online ~Removed~ and who I started dating. I've been dating him for four and a half years, and I've just discovered that I'm pregnant with his baby. He knew, but after an argument, he has listened to his friends, (who like to stir the crap), and has dumped me. I have no idea what to do, knowing I'm carrying his baby and he will not speak to me at all.

 

I was told on Thursday that I might be having an ectopic pregnancy, but he is still ignoring me, I have since found out that all with the baby is okay, but I feel so lost and depression is hitting me really hard. I'm terrified of doing this without him but it seems he has no intention to step up to the responsibility.

I'm so sorry about your situation. Know though that help is always out there, even if he won't step up to the plate. I hope he'll come around eventually, but if not, find a pregnancy center/women's center/crisis center in your area. We have one in our area that offers counseling services, health services, and even donates baby clothes/furniture etc to people that come to them for help. I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope it works out for you!

[Obscure_Trash]

I'm so sorry about your situation. Know though that help is always out there, even if he won't step up to the plate. I hope he'll come around eventually, but if not, find a pregnancy center/women's center/crisis center in your area. We have one in our area that offers counseling services, health services, and even donates baby clothes/furniture etc to people that come to them for help. I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope it works out for you!

Sorry, I just want to tack on: do NOT go to a pregnancy/crisis center unless you have done your own reseach on the validity of the place. CPCs are typically pro-life centers that do not know what they are talking about and hand out blatantly fake information. They are there to convince people not to get abortions using deception, manipulation, and stalling techniques. They are not there to help pregnant people. Even people not considering abortion who have gone to them with pregnancy help have found themselves mistreated. Go to a legit clinic or center for any help.

 

Places that offer services like mentioned above are great, but just please be safe and make sure that the center you are thinking of visiting is legit before you go so you don't end up trapped.

[Omega Entity]

I've just got back from America two weeks go after flying out there to meet up with a person that I met online ~Removed~ and who I started dating. I've been dating him for four and a half years, and I've just discovered that I'm pregnant with his baby. He knew, but after an argument, he has listened to his friends, (who like to stir the crap), and has dumped me. I have no idea what to do, knowing I'm carrying his baby and he will not speak to me at all.

 

I was told on Thursday that I might be having an ectopic pregnancy, but he is still ignoring me, I have since found out that all with the baby is okay, but I feel so lost and depression is hitting me really hard. I'm terrified of doing this without him but it seems he has no intention to step up to the responsibility.

That's extremely rotten of him. As others have said, explore your options. There are a number of help centers out there, and a number of services available if you don't think you can handle the burden.

 

If you want to keep it, great! If not, then there are options for that too, be it via adoption or termination. For the latter, keep in mind that you have a limited timeframe for that option to remain viable. Seek out counseling from a place that doesn't have ulterior motives, but don't make your final decision until you've weighed all of your options, and the potential outcomes of them.

[PixelShark]

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this on your own!

 

Whoever this is you're talking about - he's not worth your time. It's so ugly and disrespectful to just cut you out of his life like that, no matter what his 'friends' are whispering in his ear.

 

What have you done to prepare for this? You may not have your ex-, but what about family or friends? Yes, ultimate responsibility will come down to you, but you don't have to be completely alone. Many people are single parents. It is completely doable. I think talking about your options and sitting down and planning out how to handle some stuff may help you come to terms with the reality of what you're dealing with and how to deal with it.

 

Yeah, what you're going through is so scary, but you aren't alone and you aren't the only one who's been through it. Maybe there's even some group just for single parents (to be) that you could go to. If not, I'm sure there's a forum where single parents can gather. You may get some good advice if you approach these places. Reach out for help because there are people who can help you!

This.

 

My heart goes out to you Angel of the Inferno. I'm deeply sorry that this has happened. I think that Sockpuppet covered pretty much everything there is to say...I can only throw in my own condolences. If it helps you at all, try to take things one at a time. Trying to shovel each piece of the source of stress onto your plate will do you no good. Remember that you can take control of your situation, even if it can't be changed, in the end.

 

Also take Sock's advice about looking into clinics before trying them. Research is very important.

Edited November 17, 2015 by PixelShark

[georgexu94]

How do I prolong an essay when I've exhausted all the ideas and already used direct quoting sparingly?

[Obscure_Trash]

How do I prolong an essay when I've exhausted all the ideas and already used direct quoting sparingly?

When is it due/how much longer does it need to be? If you sent it to me, I could probably do some editing better than trying to give general advice here, such as pointing out things that could be expanded on or asking questions. Unless you just are asking in general? xP

 

Because in general, my advice is, have a friend or family member read it over for you and proof it. Fresh eyes can help fresh ideas come up.

[georgexu94]

I've already let my mom and my sister read and comment it. It's now good. Thank you!

 

The comment was only it's repetitious. I'm still tweaking it a little but all is good.

[Fawkesian]

So I'm agender and really conflicted right now. I'll be visiting some relatives with my mother for Thanksgiving. Which is all well and good; I generally enjoy spending time there and catching up with all of them… except the last time I saw them was before I was out as nonbinary.

 

I'm really stuck on what to do. If I go there and don't say anything, I will be constantly misgendered and called by my deadname. This would obviously be very stressful and upsetting. On the other hand, if I tell the whole group I'm agender, I have no idea how they'll react. Things are tricky enough with my parents - my dad refuses to use my new name and pronouns, while my mom only uses them occasionally.

 

Honestly, I want to be able to get this off my chest and stop keeping such a big secret from my relatives. But I am worried how they'll take it. The people I'd be visiting are mostly aunts and uncles on my mother's side, as well as cousins and extended family - it's a large family. I'm pretty sure one of my mom's siblings is trans but they went to live on their own and don't attend the gatherings. So hopefully the group is already okay with transgender folks? Maybe? I'm just concerned about their views on nonbinary identities.

 

I'm starting to talk myself in circles here, so: long story short, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Any thoughts would be super appreciated!

[Omen]

Hey Fawkesian,

 

I'm only out to immediate family and a few health professionals, so my advice might not be all that helpful.

 

As your dad refuses to use your pronouns and name, he's probably not going to be an ally in this situation. Your mother, however, might be able to help you explain your identity, name and pronouns to others or even back you up when someone attempts to invalidate your identity.

 

Depending on how you would prefer to approach this, could you either pull each person aside as you see them or come out via text/online message before the event? If you come out via text or online message, it could be helpful to drop a resource package along with what name and pronouns you go by.

 

If you have some cousins that are closer to your age, or that you're closer (emotionally/relationship wise) with, they could be a good litmus test for how your family as a whole would react. Perhaps come out to them first, and if you're able to, either after separating them from your aunts and uncles, or by coming out to them, with the aunts/uncles nearby.

 

I wish you all the best with coming out should you decide to, and with Thanksgiving.

[Fawkesian]

Yeah, I agree, my mom will most likely be of assistance if I talk to her beforehand. Unfortunately I don't have contact info for any of these relatives and I also don't use any social networks, so it's down to coming out in person or nothing. As I don't visit often, I'm not sure how much it'd help to talk with the younger cousins first, but we used to get along decently so it's worth a shot!

 

Thanks for the advice. With any luck, Thursday won't be a complete disaster.

[Gsea]

Is it possible to talk oneself out of romantic feelings?

I am experiencing them but for many many reasons I do not want to be experiencing them. Please advise =P

(no but in all seriousness how do i dispel that mentality of 'i am attracted to this person and therefore absolutely cannot see them in an unflattering light, they are perfect and i'm hopelessly lovestruck' because i really, really cannot like this person. it needs to stoppp)

[Moonlight_Eevee]

*sighs* this is going to be so awkward. So, anyway, I left this forum because I found a website called Twitch. I try to live stream me playing video games, but a few months ago, I was on TeamSpeak talking to another streamer and we just sat there talking about random stuff. One day, he told me to have the best of weekends and I couldn't stop thinking about him.

 

We are now in a relationship. The problem? He lives in England and I live in America. He wants me to fly over to live there and I am willing to move since my parents are annoying me to no end. I haven't told my parents about what is going on. I don't know what to say to them even though I'm getting a lot of advice from them :/ I get nervous and back out on saying anything before I can talk to them.

 

I just don't know what to do

[ValidEmotions]

If you'll take my advice:

 

I personally feel it is not best for you to go. You've only just met him and then started a relationship with him. There are a lot of reasons you should be cautious about him. For one, the behavior he portrays online may not be the same as his behavior in person. Secondly, if he's insisting that you move to live with him but doesn't pay for at least half of the expenses to get you there, that's not quite fair. However, he may chip in. I'm not certain since you didn't explain that.

 

Now, because you're finding your parents annoying, I feel this is a really good reason not to go - your decision may very well be impulsive and driven on emotions rather than logical/rational reasoning.

 

I don't know how old you are, Raptor. However, age is going to be a factor in this as well.

 

You need to keep your safety as a primary concern, even over any emotions you may or may not have.

[TehUltimateMage]

@RoD: Sounds like it's not worth it. Not worth the cost, not worth the potential pain. He's asking you to travel halfway across the world, perhaps out of your own pocket, and it sounds like you've only known each other for less than a year.

 

I guess I can't be one to talk, since the closest I've gotten to love was a high school crush who (despite thinking about her all the time) I've gotten over after nothing happened over four years. But regardless, I don't think you should do it.

[Moonlight_Eevee]

He's willing to pay for all of it. The library cut me off of me downloading the OBS system and I told him about it. What did he do? Went and bought me an Alienware laptop. A used one, but it works well enough to stream. But, I am going to think this over very thoroughly. Some of my friends are saying sometimes it's a risk worth taking. Besides, one of my close streaming buddies lives like an hour away from him. She really wants to meet me

[ValidEmotions]

That, uh, throws up a few red flags for me Raptor. I'm sorry. It's an old, but quite successful, tactic that predators use. They buy stuff for you and give you gifts as a means to attract you. Plus, you're at a prime target age (I viewed your profile). Your friends say "sometimes it's a risk worth taking" but, often times, I don't believe it is.

 

This is going across the planet, to a place you are unfamiliar with and completely removed from your family. At this guy's insistence, you are considering it just because your parents are "annoying". It doesn't read like your own, original idea but as his. That's another tactic - meeting up is almost always their suggestion and not yours.

 

Your streaming buddy, if she wants to meet you, then you can always suggest the meet up with her during a short vacation. Just don't use her proximity to him as the reason for why you go to Europe. Because an hour away is still quite a distance.

 

If you do decide to go to Europe, at least wait several more months. Perhaps another year at minimum. On the internet, it's extremely easy for people to make lies and dress themselves up as some glamorous being. If I had wanted to, I could have played that I was a 16 year old boy wanting to enjoy the company of some cute girls the entire time here. And no one would be the wiser.

 

But, I guess you don't want to hear me preach. Just be absolutely cautious about this and do not make your decision in a short amount of time.

 

If you go to Europe:

You are leaving your only family to be half a world away from you and thus unable to immediately come to your aid.

You are going to be with a man you truly know nothing about with 100% certainty but will ultimately put your life in his hands.

You are going to an area completely unfamiliar to you. If something happens between you and him, you have no guarantees of making it back home. If you two break up, will he pay for your ticket back home or will you be left by yourself with nowhere else to go?

If he doesn't turn out to be the decent guy you saw, he could easily hold you under his thumb with the fact that you have no one else in Europe.

 

It's a very thin line that you're going to walk with potential for a devastating end.

[Obscure_Trash]

*sighs* this is going to be so awkward. So, anyway, I left this forum because I found a website called Twitch. I try to live stream me playing video games, but a few months ago, I was on TeamSpeak talking to another streamer and we just sat there talking about random stuff. One day, he told me to have the best of weekends and I couldn't stop thinking about him.

 

We are now in a relationship. The problem? He lives in England and I live in America. He wants me to fly over to live there and I am willing to move since my parents are annoying me to no end. I haven't told my parents about what is going on. I don't know what to say to them even though I'm getting a lot of advice from them :/ I get nervous and back out on saying anything before I can talk to them.

 

I just don't know what to do

NO, No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

 

I looked in your profile and saw your age and it turned my NO into an emphatic no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

 

Have you ever met this guy in real life? Have you ever got to hang out in meat space? But you want to completely uproot your life and move halfway across the country to move in with him because your parents annoy you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

 

I agree completely with what Narvix said.

 

-You haven't told your parents about this guy at all.

-You haven't even gotten to meet him yet.

-He lives in a different continent where you know absolutely no one and would be isolated and alone.

-You're pretty dang young. All of this would be a huge commitment even if you guys had lived next to each other for years.

 

His offer could very well be genuine and sincere and out of love. There may be no malicious intent.

 

But this is still not a good move to make at all. You need to try living a little independently on your own. If/when you meet this guy, it needs to be in a public place where you aren't isolated from everyone and everything you know. Moving to a different country is a big adjustment, particularly if you're going to be completely dependent on someone you only know online.

 

Please take things a little more slowly. Branch out for yourself first. Organize responsible meetups with this guy before moving and moving in with him.

 

But the fact that you can't even be honest with your parents tells me that you're not ready or responsible enough to make a commitment like the one you're proposing, even if you were more prepared (had met him in meat space, had been around England a bit and met some people, had held a job and saved up your own money, etc).

 

Sorry. I know it's not the answer you came here looking for but please stay safe.

[Obscure_Trash]

Is it possible to talk oneself out of romantic feelings?

I am experiencing them but for many many reasons I do not want to be experiencing them. Please advise =P

(no but in all seriousness how do i dispel that mentality of 'i am attracted to this person and therefore absolutely cannot see them in an unflattering light, they are perfect and i'm hopelessly lovestruck' because i really, really cannot like this person. it needs to stoppp)

Sorry, but AFAIK, you're just going to have to give it time.

 

Like any thought you try to 'correct', though, you can address it. Anytime a crush-y/squish-y thought comes up about that person, just tell yourself "no, this is just infatuation. I need to get over it and will" or something. Not sure it will make it go faster, but it might make it more bearable for you.

[georgexu94]

Is it possible to talk oneself out of romantic feelings?

I am experiencing them but for many many reasons I do not want to be experiencing them. Please advise =P

(no but in all seriousness how do i dispel that mentality of 'i am attracted to this person and therefore absolutely cannot see them in an unflattering light, they are perfect and i'm hopelessly lovestruck' because i really, really cannot like this person. it needs to stoppp)

Sadly, the way I can think of would be hypnotherapy. You can be hypnotised to stop the feeling. However, you must have the want to stop the feeling. Hynosis is only there as a guide and makes you open to suggestion. It is not mind control or similar to the "Imperio Curse" in the Harry Potter series.

[Ace1362]

I just had a brilliant idea I believe to up my number of reds. So here's what I did I decided since Christmas is soon I need bsas but I have few reds so I figure hey look at all these Halloween dragons I never intend to breed cause of ugly lines. Well I guess I decided the reds are like a group of nest maids and make great one night stands so I'm letting all my lonely reds and Halloween dragons get together. Is this bad? Its the best way I could excuse not finding them permanent mates. I made them concubines...

[Isuzu]

Why would it be bad? Permanent mates aren't really a feature in this game, but rather a matter of preference for some users. They're your dragons on your scroll so you can breed them with whoever you wish.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Isuzu

[georgexu94]

Yes to Isuzu. In addition, as long as your conscience allows it.

[Obscure_Trash]

You do not need permission to breed your dragons, as they are yours to do with what you want. However, please keep cave discussion in Site Discussion. Cave questions go in Help.

[Kestra15]

The problem? He lives in England and I live in America. He wants me to fly over to live there and I am willing to move since my parents are annoying me to no end. I haven't told my parents about what is going on.

Hate to sound rude, but that's the worst thing you could do. Have you ever met the guy? In person?

[Crockturtle566]

Looking for a little bit of advice that may help with loneliness and some good ways to cope with it. I've tried a lot of the common advice along the lines of trying to reach to other people and talk to people with hobbies such as mine but it seems hard to talk to them sometimes. Sometimes I feel a little scared to say something because I may not be 100% sure about it and I don't want to say something stupid, no one does. Currently I'm in high school and there's the problem of everyone is hanging out with people that they have known for years and aren't very accepting to new people. Hopefully this post makes enough sense as I seem to ramble a lot which is a another issue within it self.