Gender Identity Safe Space Thread

[rabbithaver]

Oh gosh, I hope you weren't waiting for me, but if so I apologize! I stepped out to get some Taco Bell

 

Anxiety can take hold of anyone and is something I'm all too familiar with. It really is crippling physically and mentally and I empathize completely. I contradict myself all the time by saying "Let's just be cool and calm everyone and talk this through like cool cats daddy-o" and the next minute I'm flipping every object around me and crying and shaking and responding with emotion rather than trying to be collected and reasonable.

 

It just happens. I try to apologize to those around me when it does happen especially if I feel I've crossed a line or come off wrong.

 

It takes a big person to admit that, so it is much respected and appreciated Oddi :3. Thank you.

 

For that too, I also apologize if I instigated any unwarranted stress.

It's fine friend. The world can wait for Taco Bell. |D

 

You really didn't stress me out. I was in a state where like, a slight gust of wind could have scared me, lmao. At the time I misread one of your posts, thinking it was passive aggressive, but I know now that wasn't the case. You're fantastic <3

[gyiyg]

Pronouns masterlist thing is up, if I missed anything let me know c:

Respect everybody's pronouns and everything'll be all chill |D

[Obscure_Trash]

Why is trans with an asterisk considered triggering? There's a warning on the OP about it?

Thanks for asking! It's very erasive. It's transmisogynistic and racist. Basically, it overincludes identities which ends up erasing a lot of identities.

 

Here's a longer summary

More in-depth explanation if you're interested

 

Welcome to the thread!

 

Unfortunately, I can't answer or give advice on this:

 

Those resources are awesome, thanks for the links. Hm, the binding one has me worried. The binder I bought is one of the 'dangerous ones', if content of the post is of any accuracy. I saw people recommending it elsewhere but I guess I should've done a little bit more review hunting. Ugh. I wanted to buy an Underworks one but the cost was prohibitive. Is it okay if I only use it to see if it makes me feel more comfortable with myself? I told myself before buying it that I'll be moving onto an Underworks one if the 'cheap' one helped me feel a little less like a sore thumb. I guess it beats wearing two sports crops? :x

 

But I will post this: http://binders101.tumblr.com/wheretobuy (unfortunately the blog is no longer answering questions)

And your daily reminder to take some deep breaths etc: http://breathe-in-your-binder.tumblr.com/

 

<3

 

~Went ahead and merged all debate to the gender identity thread, as I'd like to keep this thread for discussion and support; for some of you that means parts of your posts that belonged here may have been moved; please feel free to repost relevant parts here as I did above~

[Omen]

Thanks for adding the pronoun master list, Troika.

 

Welcome to the thread everyone else~

 

Thanks for asking! It's very erasive. It's transmisogynistic and racist. Basically, it overincludes identities which ends up erasing a lot of identities.

 

Here's a longer summary

More in-depth explanation if you're interested

 

Welcome to the thread!

Wow, I had no idea trans with an asterisk was a term that was transmisogynistic and erased identities. I'm not sure if I've ever used it, but I won't in future. The second link was an enlightening read, thanks for directing me toward it. I feel like society has kinda let trans people down in a big way, yaknow? Sure my hometown was super behind the times but not once was I ever aware of trans identities, yet diverse genders have been around for a very long time.

 

Thank you for the welcome as well.

 

Unfortunately, I can't answer or give advice on this:

 

-quote-

 

But I will post this: http://binders101.tumblr.com/wheretobuy (unfortunately the blog is no longer answering questions)

And your daily reminder to take some deep breaths etc: http://breathe-in-your-binder.tumblr.com/

 

<3

Going through the posts there it seems the one I bought is okay, not great but better than some others. Which is a relief! I can't wait for it to arrive. Will bookmark them both. Thanks for the help. <3

[rabbithaver]

Thanks for asking! It's very erasive. It's transmisogynistic and racist. Basically, it overincludes identities which ends up erasing a lot of identities.

 

Here's a longer summary

More in-depth explanation if you're interested

 

 

<3

I thought it was because the asterisk was used by anti-nonbinary people to exclude anyone who wasn't binary? Huh. You learn stuff every day!

[Omega Entity]

I was always told (by many in the community, in fact) that using the asterisk denoted a broader scope of the community as a whole, and therefore was more inclusive, not less so. It would seem counterproductive to me, therefore, to accuse people making an attempt to include more variations of gender of somehow being -less- inclusive. To me, it seems like intent should count for something, rather than assuming something is intrinsically done out of an active desire to do harm.

 

But then, some of the logic exercised by some people seems counterintuitive to me. In the end, however, it matters little what I think.

Edited March 22, 2015 by Omega Entity

[rabbithaver]

I heard that at first too, but since I've found it easier to use trans without the asterisk, it conveys my point and I don't have to explain the asterisk, or worry about offending someone.

[Omega Entity]

Oops, got this thread confused with the other thread. I'll be vamoosing now

Edited March 22, 2015 by Omega Entity

[Omen]

Hey everyone~

 

I came out to my mother and her partner rather unexpectedly tonight. I was doing my darndest to avoid the topic whilst trying to say that something was wrong. I blurted everything down to how far I'm thinking of going to transition (in my defense I was a nervous, trying my hardest not to cry mess). You know what she said to me?

 

I've known you were different since you were little. Not I don't believe you or anything crazy that I was thinking, but full acceptance. Name change, pronoun change, transition. Full acceptance for everything provided I go do it with an informed decision and see a doctor and therapist about it. I've been wanting to see a gender therapist as well as a GP for a while now, but didn't know how to broach the topic without coming out. I don't have a license and skipping town for a day would've been highly suspicious.

 

Gave her some resources which are darn hard to find without having made a list, but now she knows what I want to do so nothing is a surprise. Well, apparently it wasn't a surprise to her. Was to me, since I can't remember much of my childhood. Enough to know that I didn't feel like a girl, but not enough to be able to say that without having seen signs where they might not have been. Apparently I've been like this since I was four. I didn't know it started that far back, but it's relieving it hear.

 

Gah, just wanted to share some news of how it went while it was still fresh in my mind. Best day of the year. <3

[MedievalMystic]

Congrats, VO. That's how things should be between parents and their children. I'm so glad all went well. I'm sure the relief is huge.

Edited March 25, 2015 by MedievalMystic

[Obscure_Trash]

I'm so happy coming out went so well for you, VampiricOmen. That's great! <3

[Lady_Lunevis]

ohh congratulations, VO!!! that makes me so happy to hear omg <3333 best wishes for the future!!

[Omen]

Thank you MedievalMystic, Sockpuppet Strangler and Lady for your words! The future's looking brighter for me, I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to speaking to a health professional. <3

 

It is such a huge relief to be accepted for who I am and for my wishes to be respected in such a manner. I'm glad on some aspect that they want me to see a therapist first, they're putting confidence in me to make the right choices, but it shows to me that they care enough to err on the side of caution. I actually went the day without stressing about what they think about me.

 

I'm not sure how my youngest sibling will take it, but she's the only other person in this house for me to worry about. As far as my siblings go, we're the closest (share heaps of interests) so I should be okay. I feel a bit guilty for thinking my mother and her partner would react badly, I was just terrified of not being able to feel safe and comfortable in the only place I have to live. I'm so glad I don't need to worry about that anymore!

[rabbithaver]

I missed TDOV because I was sick. :<

[Moeru]

I missed it too, I somehow screwed up my back and today had my 2nd ambulance ride and my first ever MRI! Oh spine, you're so funny! Happy April Fool's day to me.

Anyway, wanted to give some support to the thread as a late-transitioning transitioned adult. I knew I was gender-something, but never had the chance to transition until way after college. It's still perfectly good if you can't transition at 14, guys, despite the prevalence of very active trans kids on tumblr, not everybody has a safe family where you can come out. If you have to wait, it's OKAY TO WAIT UNTIL ITS SAFE. And it's just as good.

[Fizzix]

I updated my gender and pronouns on Facebook, but haven't told mom (or dad, or brother, or whatever) yet, just some people on Tumbls and Skype. I have a ridiculous plan involving the genderqueer flag and a fake magazine cover [cough GQ cough] with a terrible selfie (will probably take better selfie).

 

... this is what happens when an avoidant personality has graphic design nerdery.

 

(also I need to get a GC2B binder so that the Underworks I have stops messing with my appetite/stops giving me bad monoboob)

Edited April 1, 2015 by Fizzix

[rabbithaver]

I did the same thing, Fizzix. Nobody has noticed and it's been over a year lmao.

[Moeru]

I STILL have old friends finding me on FB and referring to me by my old pronouns, to my face. I'm not only out on FB but IRL, i've also transitioned medically. But it's absolutely amazing what lengths people will go to to avoid realizing that someone has changed their gender in some way. They will do LITERALLY ANY kind of stupid mental gymnastics to rationalize that you have changed your pronouns, FB gender, photos, dress, hair, name, etc, and still BELIEVE that you haven't really. There's one guy I've come out to literally four times on FB and I KEEP correcting him-- No, my name is my ACTUAL CHANGED NAME IN REAL LIFE, the pronouns you see here ARE REAL--and he keeps going ooh sorry! I'm happy for you! And a year later he's like HAAAYYY GURLLL YOU LOOK SO GOOD

 

>< come on man

[rabbithaver]

God, people like that are so toxic. I'm amazed you have the patience to deal with that kind of transphobia. It sounds blatantly disrespectful...

[Fizzix]

Oh my god I am too short to shop for man jeans WHY THIS. I'm like 5'6-7" and lots of me is leg but WHY THIS.

also boxer briefs are comfy but the ones I just bought are hella long.

[mellinatre]

Hello everyone, what a good place I have found today...and I think it was a little serendipitous because yesterday I have sent a PM to talk about an idea that have to do with Homosexual dragons without really know if there were a LGBTQ community here.

 

And today searching the forum for something to entertain myself (during the painfully waiting of my dragons to grow up) I have discovered the coolest tread ever!

 

I am mel (don't bother to wrote my all nickname it's long and the "tre" mean actually my fav number 3) and I am a lesbian.

 

I don't have identity issues but I feel very strongly for all of you because also if my coming out to the family was the most horrible experience of my life (that have also now not come to an happily ever after ending), I know deep down in my heart that the fact that at the time I felt so sure of myself, and so good in my own skin have helped me to cope with my parents rejection...I am not a so strong person and if I was feeling less connected with myself I think that that period could have been a lot worse for me.

 

You are brave and I'd love to start to know you all better!

 

 

[rabbithaver]

Welcome mel! I think you'll like our little group here. I'm sorry your coming out didn't go very well, and I hope you're in a better place now <3

Edited April 2, 2015 by oddinomaly

[Fizzix]

Mrfngh. Maybe not fluid. Maybe just non-binary and not sure what am.

[Omen]

Welcome new people!

 

Hey Troika, can I please have my pronouns list changed to "he/him, they/them". I'd appreciate it.

 

Further exploration has led me to be leaning toward the transmasculine gender identity, I still don't get what it is to be a man, but expressing myself in a completely masculine manner is a whole lot more comfortable. I want to change my name and have decided on a masculine version of my birth first and middle name, which sounds familiar enough to me that I'll respond to it and also the middle name is one of my favourite "dude" names. Just waiting til my therapy appointment to start looking at changing it. It's easy enough to do in my birth state, but I need to give a reason which is lame. Otherwise, it's awesome because it'll include an updated birth certificate which I can then use to update all my other credentials.

 

I booked my therapy appointment, earliest I could get in was June. Honestly didn't know the service I'm using was that popular, but again, it's a relief that it is popular at the same time. It's validating. It's in Sydney so a bit of a drive for me, but the service itself is provided free (which helps because travel costs aren't cheap) and I get a therapist that is experienced with transgender, gender nonconforming and gender questioning individuals! I'm looking forward to my appointment. The person I spoke to on the phone when I made the appointment last week was so helpful and nice. My phone anxiety is usually a 11/10 but with this call it dropped to a 5/10.

 

I'll have to agree with the menswear jeans being too long. I have a 26 inch inseam and all the jeans in my local store are 32 inch (there's no such thing as waist x length there, just waist size). Going to have to learn how to sew and hem, methinks. D:<

 

Also, I agree that boxer briefs are super comfortable. I regret not switching to them earlier.

[rabbithaver]

Augh I had a rough day. Details here, warning for strong language and homophobia/transphobia.

 

Highlight the following text if you want to hear me ramble about kintype stuff, it's probably going to sound weird for you. Fiction kintypes are a really controversial subject and I don't want anyone who doesn't believe in them to have to read this, so. Yep. I'd like if only otherkin/fictionkin replied to this, but if you're supportive it's cool too. Note that all of this is pretty spiritual for me, and I'm trying to work through it as best I can with what I have.

 

In other news, I've been having really strong kinfeels lately. I'm fictionkin to Yang Xiao Long from RWBY, and I'm thinking it was a past life because I've had some hella vivid dreams of being her. Things that happened in canon, or that would make a lot of sense in canon, so I don't think they're just dreams. They feel more vivid and real, so I think they might be memories. A lot of people shrug off fiction kintypes, but because I believe in multiverse theory, I believe that in another universe (one we deem fictional in this universe), I could have been her. I'm not sure. I have had similar feelings/dreams/memories from my other kintypes (Cloudtail from Warrior cats, and a past life as a snow leopard).

 

With Yang, it's like my entire personality shifts. I respond to the name, I get agitated easily, I get confident as hell, and I become incredibly optimistic and loving. Normally I'm very pessimistic, laid back, and self-conscious, so it can be pretty easy to tell if you know me well enough. My music tastes even change, and sometimes my handwriting and speech patterns do too. I've seen talk about being a median (a personality type that is divided by facets; a facet is a piece of your personality that almost has an identity of its own) and sometimes I wonder if that could be me. I know tumblr is very anti-special snowflake, so I'm hesitant to even consider it. I don't know, thoughts?