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Syiren

How are you feeling?

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Jittery and partially breathless. I'm typing this while using a nebulizer.

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A bit bummed for not passing my exam, but then again, I didn't really study for it, so not too sad.

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I feel terrible. I thought the physically sick feeling that happened yesterday wouldn't come back anymore as I actually felt better last night, but no. I feel all nauseous and horrible every time after I eat. I really hope I'm just getting sick and it's nothing to worry about...

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Well rested, I was awake for 32 hours because of work, so when I went to bed I slept for nearly 12 hours blink.gif

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I'm feeling great! It's my birthday and today's been really lovely. A nice mix of productivity (making great progress on my online class) and leisure. I'm going on a small vacation in a few days and I bought some books I've been wanting to read, and a coloring book because I refuse to grow out of coloring.

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sometimes i try to talk to people and if they ignore me or if they pass on picking up a thread of conversation i genuinely feel like they wished i could exist less or at least in a way less proximal to their social sphere or that maybe the only time it's ok for me to talk to them is when they seek me out first and i know it probably isn't true and i am just a small blip on the radar but maybe i just genuinely need someone to talk to but all I can get out is hey and that doesn't exactly leave the door open for more conversation but sometimes i hope someone will take the bait and help me make the conversation because i've run out of interesting things to say and every time i speak i feel so woefully inadequate and like i am auditioning for friendship over and over again and it never ends because i must prove my worth with every word and every exchange

 

three times i wanted to talk and three times i've deleted what i've typed because i feel so unwelcome and it's all in my head because i am not someone that takes up any significant head space to these people so why am i so worried

 

why am i so lonely

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sometimes i try to talk to people and if they ignore me or if they pass on picking up a thread of conversation i genuinely feel like they wished i could exist less or at least in a way less proximal to their social sphere or that maybe the only time it's ok for me to talk to them is when they seek me out first and i know it probably isn't true and i am just a small blip on the radar but maybe i just genuinely need someone to talk to but all I can get out is hey and that doesn't exactly leave the door open for more conversation but sometimes i hope someone will take the bait and help me make the conversation because i've run out of interesting things to say and every time i speak i feel so woefully inadequate and like i am auditioning for friendship over and over again and it never ends because i must prove my worth with every word and every exchange

 

three times i wanted to talk and three times i've deleted what i've typed because i feel so unwelcome and it's all in my head because i am not someone that takes up any significant head space to these people so why am i so worried

 

why am i so lonely

Not sure how to help, I'm not good at giving advice for this kind of problem, (I sometimes have it myself), but *hugs*

The only thing I can come up with is trying to find someone else who actually listens.

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Kinda happy - looks like I passed the first out of three parts of my gnatology exam. Let's see where that will go.

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sometimes i try to talk to people and if they ignore me or if they pass on picking up a thread of conversation i genuinely feel like they wished i could exist less or at least in a way less proximal to their social sphere or that maybe the only time it's ok for me to talk to them is when they seek me out first and i know it probably isn't true and i am just a small blip on the radar but maybe i just genuinely need someone to talk to but all I can get out is hey and that doesn't exactly leave the door open for more conversation but sometimes i hope someone will take the bait and help me make the conversation because i've run out of interesting things to say and every time i speak i feel so woefully inadequate and like i am auditioning for friendship over and over again and it never ends because i must prove my worth with every word and every exchange

 

three times i wanted to talk and three times i've deleted what i've typed because i feel so unwelcome and it's all in my head because i am not someone that takes up any significant head space to these people so why am i so worried

 

why am i so lonely

I know how you feel. Its why I avoid some threads where people are already having a nice discussion on their own. I wait until they are done and try and then just kind of wait and see who responds. When no one responds I feel like they don't need my opinion or voice and it makes me just sit there and contemplate deleting the post. But then I hold out the hope someone will notice. Its kind of alianating when no one notices or responds. Its like that in conversations I'm in when I'm in the middle of talking and someone interrupts me and I just fall silent, because I feel like they are tired of hearing my voice so I stop. Worst part is no one asks me to finish, no one cares to inquire on the rest of my idea or opinion and its so lonely.

 

Its hard to find good people to talk to, to listen to you, to care. Its not easy to find the courage to talk and use your voice when so often is shut off or ignored. I'm sorry that the best thing I an offer is my own company and the advice of just looking carefully for those who take the time to really pay attention. Its not easy having things one wants to say and not being able to speak it.

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sometimes i try to talk to people and if they ignore me or if they pass on picking up a thread of conversation i genuinely feel like they wished i could exist less or at least in a way less proximal to their social sphere or that maybe the only time it's ok for me to talk to them is when they seek me out first and i know it probably isn't true and i am just a small blip on the radar but maybe i just genuinely need someone to talk to but all I can get out is hey and that doesn't exactly leave the door open for more conversation but sometimes i hope someone will take the bait and help me make the conversation because i've run out of interesting things to say and every time i speak i feel so woefully inadequate and like i am auditioning for friendship over and over again and it never ends because i must prove my worth with every word and every exchange

 

three times i wanted to talk and three times i've deleted what i've typed because i feel so unwelcome and it's all in my head because i am not someone that takes up any significant head space to these people so why am i so worried

 

why am i so lonely

*hugs* I feel like that sometimes on here myself. There have been times when people are chatting and carrying on the topic and it's a moving thread, yet then I come along and post something and the threat just seems to come to a halt. I feel like I'm not really wanted.

 

Other times I'll ignore a thread because I'm afraid of butting in or that I annoy some people. But at the same time, some of that is in my head. It's just unhappy coincidence. And sometimes people feel more comfortable talking through PM's as well, and there's nothing wrong with sending someone a PM and wanting to chat that way, if talking in the threads aren't helping. Maybe you could try that? Especially if its a project and you'd like to get involved. *hugs*

 

 

~*~

 

Oh, I'm excited and nervous. I'm going on a date this weekend and already I've got butterflies in my stomach. biggrin.gif

Edited by Syiren

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Surprised,i've got a pyro xenowyrm on my other account!

You do realize that more than one scroll isn't allowed? It's against the terms of service and I would suggest releasing all dragons on one scroll and ask TJ to burn it.

 

I'm feeling fine. =3 I caught a CB Thunder and just made a trade to get some beautiful draggies from my bestie for the reds and Magi I have.

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You do realize that more than one scroll isn't allowed? It's against the terms of service and I would suggest releasing all dragons on one scroll and ask TJ to burn it.

 

I'm feeling fine. =3 I caught a CB Thunder and just made a trade to get some beautiful draggies from my bestie for the reds and Magi I have.

Thanks for telling me,but somone else also told me this!

 

I would breed some dragons then ask TJ to remove my "other account".

 

Once again,thanks telling me!

 

 

 

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A little tired, but otherwise good. smile.gif

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I feel great, just got back from Sovereign guns were I picked up a Beretta 92S... biggrin.gif

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I'm feeling bloated. But in a good way. I had a nice filling dinner. Now I'm sleepy and lazy. smile.gif

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Really really uncomfortable. Somebody accused me of not giving a damn about female domestic violence victims because I believe that we should raise awareness of male victims in places where men are less inclined to report it. Now I'm waiting to see if they respond to my clarification, hoping that they at least do that because if they don't I'll be left wondering whether they get it or if they still think I'm some terrible person not worth any additional comments. I know that a complete stranger's opinion of me doesn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things, but it still bothers me that someone thinks I don't care. D:

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I'm on top of the world - I passed all the exams I had for now, and almost all of them are with the mark 9! laugh.gif

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Quite normal (as in nothing special), but a little bit sad too. I must clean my room today, but it actually isn't the reason behind the sadness.

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A bit sad today, RIP Mr. Satoru Iwata. Quite a blow to the gaming industry and Nintendo as a whole.

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