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GhostChilli

Everyone's a winner!

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I searched and couldn't find. But if it's out there, please remove this.

 

After I had a conversation at dinner, me and a few friends got into the topic of competitions for kids and how some of them have trophies for everyone, even for the losing teams. One of my friends is a soccer player and she hates the games for the young kids where all of them gets a prize.

 

I personally don't like the "everyone's a winner" attitude in serious games for kids. To me, it ruins the feeling that you've done a damn good job but it isn't noticed when everyone else gets the same reward as you. And I'm not talking about competitions that are "just for fun", such as raising money for a cause. I'm talking about actual competitions.

 

What are your thoughts? Share them. No being rude. Obviously

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Yeah, everyone being a winner does take away from actual accomplishments. It's like we're pampering kids so that they don't feel bad. Which is really unfair to kids since that WILL NOT be the case when you get older.

 

You won't get everything handed to you without doing anything.

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I hate it. It's always ruffled my feathers, even in childhood, when I would be the real winner but the grown-ups didn't want to offend the kids who didn't win so they just threw out "everyone's a winner!" and everyone got a prize.

In real life, not everyone is a winner, and kids need to realize that.

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I don't really like it when everyone wins the same thing because the one who actually won won't feel like they really accomplished anything. That being said I also feel bad for those who are left with nothing. True you will not always get something every time, but even some major competitions have consolation prizes. I don't mind those as much. I mean, if you win a soccer game and get a trophy that's awesome but for the losers, maybe a ribbon for the effort?

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I don't really like it when everyone wins the same thing because the one who actually won won't feel like they really accomplished anything. That being said I also feel bad for those who are left with nothing. True you will not always get something every time, but even some major competitions have consolation prizes. I don't mind those as much. I mean, if you win a soccer game and get a trophy that's awesome but for the losers, maybe a ribbon for the effort?

I'm okay with the small prizes. For participating. When I was in soccer (years ago), we had little medals for participation but the real winner got trophies. And then there was a time where many parents complained because their child didn't get a trophy and it kept on until the rules were changed and every kid got the same prize. After that, my father pulled me out because things were getting ridiculous with the parents and kids.

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I never liked it. It doesn't teach kids (or adults) now to lose graciously if you give them a trophy as well.

 

Hell, when I was doing archery competitions, they gave the place winners participation trophies too. That really did not make sense to me. I placed 2nd in the same category both times and I always thought the participation trophy I got with it was stupid as the placement trophy was proof enough that I participated!

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I always thought one of the most important things you learn from sports is learning how to lose.

So, I hate the fact that everyone gets a trophy.

All it does is undermine real accomplishments.

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I feel that it's important to acknowledge the winners, but it's also important to appreciate others for at least trying. I feel like real trophies should definitely be given out to those who do well, but maybe not all the time; only occasional events should give 'em out, which to my knowledge is usually the case anyway, so that's good. But those who don't do exceptionally should at least be given something, though not as grand as the prizes of the winners. They should always be encouraged in their talents and given advice rather than treated with disdain even with things that they are not so good at. I haven't personally won anything of note, but I can imagine it's am amazing feeling to have that effort awarded! But as someone who's essentially a loser, I always felt much better and less resentful when there was some small compensation, even if the winners got all the limelight. It's acknowledging that at least you tried, you gave it some effort, and I know for a fact that it definitely inspires kids to keep on going.

But lavishing too much attention on 'true' winners can often lead to feelings of superiority, and that's generally not a good thing!

Edited by snekkies

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As someone who worked for a few years in a community center with a teacher for a mom, I think losing honestly bothers parents far more than it bothers children. If a child's parents start acting out, the child will notice and copy them. If I am there encouraging good sportsmanship - good losers and good winners and emphasizing the experience and not the fact that ooooh, there's losers - the kids do fine.

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It is very important to learn how to lose gracefully and even more important to not be discouraged by it and to keep trying. Many kids at school are completely unable to deal with things they are "not in the mood" to do or they're so afraid of failing that they don't know how to even try.

 

Parents who insist on things like trophies for everyone imply that failing or losing is extremely bad and should not ever happen. Kind of the opposite of what they want to achieve, I assume.

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As someone who worked for a few years in a community center with a teacher for a mom, I think losing honestly bothers parents far more than it bothers children. If a child's parents start acting out, the child will notice and copy them. If I am there encouraging good sportsmanship - good losers and good winners and emphasizing the experience and not the fact that ooooh, there's losers - the kids do fine.

YES. The parents are the source of such reactions and behavior, definitely.

I like it when people tell kids that winning isn't everything, but the "Everyone's a winner" is pointless because then, kids will think that they don't have to do anything in life and get whatever other people have after working super hard without trying at all. That may later turn them into a nightmare of people. Such habits and perspective aren't good to have at all.

What matters is that fair efforts put into something should be rewarded, while losing should motivate you to try harder and be better next time. The "Everyone's a winner" system does no such thing.

Edited by *Silver Fox*

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YES. The parents are the source of such reactions and behavior, definitely.

I like it when people tell kids that winning isn't everything, but the "Everyone's a winner" is pointless because then, kids will think that they don't have to do anything in life and get whatever other people have after working super hard without trying at all. That may later turn them into a nightmare of people. Such habits and perspective aren't good to have at all.

What matters is that fair efforts put into something should be rewarded, while losing should motivate you to try harder and be better next time. The "Everyone's a winner" system does no such thing.

Well you also have the parents that think their kid is special with divine powers, so OF COURSE THEY DESERVE THE SAME REWARD IF NOT BETTER *cough cough*

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I like it when people tell kids that winning isn't everything, but the "Everyone's a winner" is pointless

Oh, yep yep yep!

 

Winning isn't everything =/= everyone is a winner

Two completely different thoughts that I think got confused somewhere along the line.

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I don't really mind the fact that everyone gets a participation prize, but if it's the same prize for everyone INCLUDING the winners, then I hate that so much.

 

At my school, they gave out participation prizes for everyone who participated; including the winners. And, the winners actually got that trophy or gold/silver/bronze medals WITH the participation prize. I liked the idea of everyone gets something in a competition so kids don't feel as bad as they would getting nothing, but everyone getting the same thing just sucks.

 

The winner of the competition would probably be like, if everyone got the same prize including them: literally, WHY, did we get the same prize as losers? The winners wouldn't feel as though they've accomplished ANYTHING if they got the same thing as losers.

 

About the parent thing, yes, I do agree too that parents are too caring for their kids when they lose something. They start complaining to the competition holders like, why didn't my kid get a prize sort of thing. As GhostChilli said in the last post, it's just like that. Parents show this behavior, then kids start to too. Kids don't learn anything from this, and with what everyone said, my opinion is that they've got to learn some time while they're still kids.

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As a competitive swimmer, diver and writer, I hate it. I mean, it's ok if you give the loser a ribbon or candy, but in diving, the consolation trophy was BIGGER than the place trophy.

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Honestly, I agree with most of the people in this thread. If you participate in something, and don't win, maybe you get a ribbon or something. But if everyone wins the exact same thing, then it's extremely boring and reinforces the wrong message - that you can get the same thing everyone else does without even trying.

 

I'm in the robotics club at school, and when we had the VEX tournament once, our robots faulted and broke and stopped working randomly, and as a result, we lost. We didn't win anything, but nobody was visibly disappointed. (Then again, we're all teenagers...) Age is a consideration, I think, but if people don't get the same thing - the kids who did a good job with their robots got trophies in the VEX tournament, while we didn't get anything - it's probably better than if everyone gets the exact same trophy or whatever.

 

As for the parents, if they're disappointed or angry because their kid didn't get a trophy or whatever, then they honestly have to learn to deal with it themselves. They don't live through their kids. If their kid doesn't win, the parent has no need to step in and complain - get over it, I'd say.

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The whole point of competition is that not everyone will win.

 

I really think that people and coaches/teams should be teaching their children/each other not just how to win gracefully, but how to lose gracefully.

 

I don't mind participation prizes, but when the participation reward is greater than the reward for the winner(s), we're teaching children - and adults - that they shouldn't try their best because it doesn't mean much anyway, and that sits wrong with me. We should be teaching how to do the best we possibly can, not half-ass it because you'll get something anyway. This leaves people ill prepared for the world, because the world rarely has participation prizes.

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I don't like competitions. I've won many in my life, and I've learned that there's more to life than "being better" than someone else. Honestly, without competition we could focus on the more meaningful things in life.

 

So, I don't really mind it. I was Valedictorian of my high school graduating class, and there were half a dozen honorable mentions or so under the Salutatorian. Neither of those award groups made me feel any less accomplished for what I did.

 

Realistically, as long as the prizes to the non winners are consolation prizes (i.e. nice, but not as nice as the 1st-3rd or whatever the ranking) I don't have a single problem with it.

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The point of competition is winning - so those who place higher should be rewarded for it. Give the followup participants participation notes and chocolate medallions, but let the winners/three first places/winning side get the big prize.

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I agree that consolation prizes are good, but having them be the same or better than the winner's is bad.

 

Kids need to learn that you do something good and you get something for it. Easing them into that mindset seems like a good compromise.

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At our district theater competition, all individual actors paid $25 to compete. Those who passed on to state got a red-ribboned medal and those who didn't got a blue-ribboned medal. Those who placed at state got a trophy and those who didn't, well.. they got nothing. In an entirely different category, our studio theater piece got a trophy for passing on to state, and nothing for not placing at state. Our studio theater piece consisted of 20 dedicated students who gave up at least an hour of their already-limited free time 2-4 times a weeks, put on multiple weekend shows to raise money, stayed in The World's Most Sketchy Hotel, paid over $120 each, and traveled 4 hours away just to lose to 2 widely unpopular pieces and 1 extremely talented cast of students that we were all extremely happy for.

 

I think we deserved a trophy, because we certainly worked really hard and did a fine job. Theater is just extremely in the eyes of the beholder and it doesn't mean we did any worse than the other schools. We might as well have at least got a dang ribbon.

 

Even if we didn't, it's not the prize is what we came for, anyways. We came because we love to act.

 

I don't know why people look so deeply intro trophies. It's a little piece of plastic that does nothing more than to help us remember that we tried our hardest and enjoyed ourselves while doing it. Because, after all, competitions are supposed to be fun, not just about who wins or loses or gets a prize.

Edited by Kojayo55

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If you never learn that not everyone can win, when you grow up, you will never understand that not everyone gets the job you applied for, and so on. It is VITAL to experience failure during the formative years, so that you can accept it as a part of life. To learn that failure is NOT the end of the world, and that everyone goes through it at some point. To teach children otherwise is to do them a HUGE disservice.

 

On the other hand forcing children who cannot hope to even place anywhere but at the back in endless competitive PE events is cruel. There has to be a better way than having to come last in the race EVERY year from Kg to grade 12..

Edited by fuzzbucket

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*immediately relates this to the raffle drama*

 

Okay, that aside, I think that 'everyone's a winner' is a really poor way of comforting kids, and all it does nothing but spoil them.

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I don't think it's a bad thing to give kids that don't win at least SOMETHING even if the winners get more than them or something?

I don't know there was pretty much never consolation prizes in competitions I had to participate in (most of which I had pretty much no hope of winning) when I was growing up and all it did was make me really bitter and kind of a sore loser whether "having fun is the most important part" was stressed or not (even when it was the winners got all the glory anyhow) and I'm sure there being consolation prizes woulda softened the blow but maybe it's just because I'm kinda competitive and brainweird I don't know :L

 

I feel that it's important to acknowledge the winners, but it's also important to appreciate others for at least trying. I feel like real trophies should definitely be given out to those who do well, but maybe not all the time; only occasional events should give 'em out, which to my knowledge is usually the case anyway, so that's good. But those who don't do exceptionally should at least be given something, though not as grand as the prizes of the winners. They should always be encouraged in their talents and given advice rather than treated with disdain even with things that they are not so good at. I haven't personally won anything of note, but I can imagine it's am amazing feeling to have that effort awarded! But as someone who's essentially a loser, I always felt much better and less resentful when there was some small compensation, even if the winners got all the limelight. It's acknowledging that at least you tried, you gave it some effort, and I know for a fact that it definitely inspires kids to keep on going.

But lavishing too much attention on 'true' winners can often lead to feelings of superiority, and that's generally not a good thing!

This pretty much :V

 

(Also I think it's kinda harsh to assert that all the kids that don't win are "doing nothing", because plenty of times they ARE trying their best and just don't have the abilities that the kids who are winning have :N)

Edited by Pika_Oi

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I agree with this kinda thing. I never was in Little Leauges, but i hear that kids all get the same trophy. They have something to brag about. They can say "I won! " without doin sh*t. The trophies are usually shiny plastic, too. More clutter. And even worse: parents complain and whine if their child doesn't get a trophy. To me, that sounds like a "mature parent" is complaining like a three year old that their child didn't get a shaped plastic thing to have sit around and collect dust. Lots of little kids get something they didn't work for. Often, In life and legend, you aren't just GIVEN what you want; you EARN it. When kids are older, they learn the hard way that you don't just win by doing nothing. Do we want kids to whine as adults that they didn't win a candy? Humans are the type of animal that learns from their elders and do what they do. So. Do we want kids to shout and say that they want a trophy?

 

Maybe a compensation prize can be given. I mean, kids DID try hard in the game, and they are regonized.

 

Just my two cents

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