The Storm Dragon

[Shinryuumaru]

I'm planning on building a website with HTML, CSS, and JavaScript that I'll put my stories up for download on (planning to make them be 100 to 150 USD, if that's okay).

 

The title of the story I'm thinking of writing for it first, as you guys can all see in the Topic Title for this thread, is The Storm Dragon, a story about a half-Dragon, half-human boy in a story in which dragons can transform between humans, actual dragons, and - wait for it - . . . SWORDS! His father, a Gray Dragon (from Dragon Cave, yes) has been cursed by an evil dragon to remain in his sword form for all eternity.

 

The problem here that I want help in fleshing this story out, adding more characters and coming up with character names, and also with figuring out if the way I'm telling the story is good. If it isn't, hopefully someone will help me out here.

 

It'd also be greatly appreciated if I could have help with editing and proofreading (basically, I'm asking for an editor for my stories). Sorry if it's too much to ask for, though.

 

Anyway, here is what I've got so far:

 

 

The Storm Dragon

 

 

We've all heard stories of the majestic creatures symbolizing power that inspire awe in the hearts of any who lay eyes upon them: the legendary creatures called dragons. All regions in the world have their own lore as well as their own ways to depict these legendary engines of power, from giant serpent-like creatures with limbs that glide elegantly through the skies to large winged creatures with serpentine bodies and four legs that are capable of flight. In addition to that, there are all sorts of other dragons in this world.

 

 

This story is one which details the tales and adventures centering around one such dragon that could be from the regions of the far east, the so-called "Gray Dragon". The White Dragons have the great ability to use a terrifying power which allows them to control the weather; they can produce thunderstorms and powerful winds using special Dragon Magic. These dragons, as their name suggests, are gray, and have the serpentine bodies of an Eastern dragon which are incredibly thick and muscular and can grow to be several feet long. They have yellow eyes, as well as giant wings that each span half the lengths of the dragons' own bodies.

 

 

Dragons can also change into swords for people to wield, and the only one it will change shape for would be the person it chooses itself. In dragon form, when the person chosen by the dragon is riding it, and a fight between another human-dragon pair occurs, a dragon can also produce a sword made of a part of its own energy which holds all of the powers and properties held by the original sword form of the respective dragons themselves, but only if the dragon's human partner doesn’t have a weapon of his/her own.

 

 

Now, our story begins on a certain morning, in a single room within a house in the city of Dracoville, California, United States, a city in which dragons are honored and respected by the humans living alongside them. But because humans tend to fear those different from them, there are still some people even in Dracoville who are wary of dragons. While there are also dragons living throughout the rest of the world, they have to live in secret, assuming human forms to hide amongst the people. A small number of the humans in the outside respect and befriend them, but most people do not. Thus, as expected, it would be difficult for such a world to fully accept a person such as our story's main protagonist, recently waking up from his slumber, who possesses blood belonging to both humans and dragons - a human-dragon half-breed, with a dragon father and a human mother, by the name of Arashiko Ryuumaru (his mother, an American woman named Jessica, was interested in Japanese culture and so decided to give her son a Japanese name. The father also had a Japanese name, so it was easy to come up with the full name). Both the father and his son are able to assume a human form as well, and also chose to do so, except Arashiko himself still has trouble going back into his true, dragon form, as he is a half-breed.

 

 

The house is a mid-sized (something between a huge mansion-sized house and a small house) one-story apartment with two bedrooms and two bathrooms, and Arashiko's room is near the entrance. It is a decent-sized room with a blue carpet, a desk for Arashiko to do his homework on, a single bed, and a pair of matching-color side-tables. The desk has a mirror near it above a table with an assortment of choice deodorants and men's perfumes. Right across from the table, by the other wall, there is a closet with Arashiko's other belongings, like clothes.

 

 

Arashiko wakes every morning and remembers certain disturbing events from a past he cannot forget: one in which his father was afflicted with a potent curse by an enemy corrupted dragon who forced his father to remain in his sword form for all eternity, unless Arashiko could use the sword itself to slay the dragon, while in doing so using the dragon's blood to return him to normal.

Edited July 6, 2014 by Shinryuumaru

[octopi]

Oi, you can't sell this if it contains DC dragons. The concept belongs to artists here and I doubt they'd be happy if you just went ahead and made money with their ideas. Also I'm not sure there'd be people who would cough up a hundred bucks for fan fiction.

[Zovesta]

^ But if you want to start writing professionally, you should start writing short stories and submitting them to magazines. =] It's a great way to start, I hear. There are a number of fantasy magazines out there who are open to submissions; you'd just have to come up with your own dragons and the like.

[Obscure_Trash]

100 or 150 USD!? Is that for one story or for a bulk group of stories? o.o

 

But yes, please do not sell derivative works of DC.

 

~

 

From your short excerpt, your writing style sounds quite engaging. Good luck in trying to turn writing into some sort of profit - it's tough work but can be worth it. =3

[Shinryuumaru]

Ah, sorry . . . I guess I really shouldn't do this with DC dragons, huh? Or rather, I should ask the artists and TJ first, I guess? I'll probably be turned down, but it's still better to ask first.

 

I did write a short story for Science Fiction class in High School in the US, but the problem is:

 

1. It draws some inspiration from DBZ, and

2. My mom put it somewhere and I can't find it anymore.

 

That one also apparently has an abrupt ending according to my Science Fiction teacher. I plan to fix it and also extend into a longer story, hopefully to the length of a novel if I can. Or maybe I'll take your advice and leave it as a short story so I can send it to a magazine (I'll have to look up magazines to send it to, as well as a good method of sending it in the first place).

 

I'll also try to come up with dragons of my own for the story.

[octopi]

Hey you're totally allowed to be inspired by things. As long as you steal from a lot of people as opposed to just one.

 

I think that's the case for the dragon story too. There's a lot of fiction depicting dragons with storm powers/Eastern dragons, DC doesn't have a monopoly on them. As long as you make the concept different enough that the dragons aren't explicitly Gray-Dragons-from-Dragon-Cave, you're good to go.

[Shinryuumaru]

Alright, I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

[Shinryuumaru]

I've made some changes to the story and brought in here for you to look at and help me out with.

 

If there are any parts of this that I should make a dialogue for to prove it, let me know. Suggestions for how to do it best would be much appreciated.

 

Also, help with proofreading and also with editing and making the story better would also be appreciated. I've already got some plans for what to do next, and I'll bring them here for you guys to evaluate if needed. Thanks in advance.

 

The Storm Dragon

 

 

On a certain day a hundred years ago, in a land cut off from the normal flow of space and time, in which lived dragons of all sizes and of different kinds of powers - except sharing just the one ability to change into weapons (just one kind of weapon per Clan of Dragons; if one clan can all transform into swords, another clan would all be able to transform into axes, etc.).

 

 

This dimension has an atmosphere and climate identical to that of Earth, complete with a blue sky as well as great bodies of water, but the map and area were completely different. The name of the dimension is Mundus Draconis (World of Dragons).

 

 

In Mundus Draconis, there lived a giant, adult male dragon with shining black scales red eyes and who had grown to be as big as the largest of mountains; he had a long neck of around two feet or so and giant wings spanning about half his overall body size. His name was Viserion Saberia (from the Saberia Clan of Dragons).

 

 

What Viserion didn't know was that something bad was about to happen in a few minutes' time, or else he would've prepared some sort of precaution to an upcoming disaster.

 

 

Some humans on mainland Earth (i.e. Earth itself and not some other dimension branching off from it) were aware of Mundus Draconis, and had found a way to send people there. That is how one human woman, named Alysone, from Medieval England, had managed to come to the dimension and copulate with Viserion in his human form. He looked almost like any other human in that form, except for the slightly longer canines (that could get him to be mistaken for a vampire), crimson eyes to match the red eyes in his dragon form, and pointed ears like those of an elf, coupled with a white skin color. Because of their union, Alysone was now with an unborn child whose safety they had to ensure.