Emotional Support

[Jazeki]

22 hours ago, Fortune86 said:

What do I do? I blocked my mother on my phone so now she's calling me at work. My job is to answer the phone, so I can't refuse to pick it up. I can't have a panic attack at work.

You can report that she's calling you to HR or your supervisor and they should be able to help take care of it since she is essentially tying up business lines. I remember the same sort of thing happened to a coworker where an ex gf was calling work to reach him and she ended up being told if she called again it would be a problem.

[georgexu94]

I'm so messed up right now. I have a job and I should be happy. But I'm not always happy. A lot of things have been upsetting me. I am going through a lot of changes. I want someone to talk to; people are all busy. My friends don't have time. Some are going through further studies, etc. Here in the DC Forums, I'm not used to the new format. I miss the old one. People in the Emotional Support are still supportive, yes. And I'm grateful for that. Yet it feels less chatty as people are too busy or going through their own problems.

 

I let my crush's friends and family know about my feelings but in the process, I think I made things awkward for her.

 

I don't know what to do in life. I never handled such mysteries and fears before as big as this. It gets scary. And it would be nice to hold hands as we face them together. Sadly, sometimes we have to be alone now and then in our personal quests. And that is just fricking scary, lonely, and awful

[TehUltimateMage]

3 hours ago, georgexu94 said:

I'm so messed up right now. I have a job and I should be happy. But I'm not always happy. A lot of things have been upsetting me. I am going through a lot of changes. I want someone to talk to; people are all busy. My friends don't have time. Some are going through further studies, etc. Here in the DC Forums, I'm not used to the new format. I miss the old one. People in the Emotional Support are still supportive, yes. And I'm grateful for that. Yet it feels less chatty as people are too busy or going through their own problems.

 

I let my crush's friends and family know about my feelings but in the process, I think I made things awkward for her.

 

I don't know what to do in life. I never handled such mysteries and fears before as big as this. It gets scary. And it would be nice to hold hands as we face them together. Sadly, sometimes we have to be alone now and then in our personal quests. And that is just fricking scary, lonely, and awful

 

Being happy all the time is such an unrealistic expectation. Even if your life feels like it should be ideal, it's okay to be miserable, and the very fact that you (and all of us!) have anxieties shows that life's not as simple as that. ; ) Fear is normal. Keeps you on your toes. A support network is really useful, but when people you know are too busy to connect, see if you can make some more friends elsewhere: sports, special interest clubs, even online. (Granted, I myself am a lone wolf and have been since I was young so maybe this advice is all bogus haha.)

 

Also, I stepped away from the forum for three weeks because I couldn't deal with the new format (maybe there's less people because of similar reasons haha). People adapt, however, and I think I'm sort of getting used to it? Give it some time.

 

I'm open to talk to, if you need to! I'm still a college student so I don't have infinite wisdom, but I'm willing to lend an ear.

[Koroshiya-Ichi]

Posting this here where it has a lesser chance of backfiring into my real life... I'm not sure this sort of topic is allowed to be discussed much, so I didn't go into specific detail, but please note this post is about ADDICTION and SELF-LOATHING, so if that kind of thing is triggering for you, skip over it! If it's not okay for this forum I will happily edit/delete this post. I just... really have nowhere else to go with this. I feel like there is nowhere to be heard...

 

I think I've finally reached it, the point where I can truly think to myself "I wish I had never, ever started this in the first place." It's been over 8 years, but tonight is the very first time I've really thought that and believed it. Before, I had tons of regrets, sure, but at least it seemed like the pills were getting me through each day, which was a major step up from my mindset beforehand. But as it spiraled more and more out of control it took away piece after piece of what little true life and sense of self I had. My only identity now is a junkie. But no one really knows. I hide this as best as I can, and though I know my parents realize I'm probably an addict, no one is facing the issue, calling it out for what it is, or doing anything to address it. I know this is my fault, my choices, my fault, MY fault, MY FAULT as it has been from day one, I know it... and I hated myself before, but this is worse. Who I've allowed myself to become is a person I don't respect, and know that no one else will respect either, or love, or cherish, or want, or need. I'm too messed up, too difficult. I have too many issues, or no issues at all and am just lazy and a complete failure, depending on perspective.

 

All because I took one pill one night, to quiet the pain in my mind and body. One seemingly simple choice... and the neverending ripple effect of disaster and loss that it caused. I thought I was saving myself from a worse fate. But I was a fool to take it then, and I'm a fool to take it now. My meds are my only companions now, my only friends and confidantes, my only reason to get up each day. I know that if I was totally honest with the few people I do have around me, I would be pressured to go into rehab. But we don't have the money for that. We are still cripplingly indebted from my stint in the hospital several years back, and from the college I was too weak and stupid to finish so I dropped out of before even that. I contribute nothing to my family; I only take, never give. The absolute shame of who I am, what I am... it paralyzes me. I feel completely trapped. I don't even know why I'm posting all this, because I know what the answer is, I'm just too terrified and stubborn and sick to do anything positive with it.

 

Support and compassion are almost alien concepts at this point. I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with someone about anything real in my life that didn't result in them judging me, or telling me ridiculously unhelpful things like "exercise more" to banish this misery and stop hurting. I just... I don't know what I'm doing here. Here, anywhere. I don't want to be here. I don't want to BE. I would never commit suicide, for the sake of my parents, but I definitely don't want to live, you know? At least not this way. Not this way... but here I am, stagnating in this condition, terrified of stopping.

 

I'm sorry this post is so bleak and poorly worded. It's difficult to talk about this because I'm so used to hiding this part of my life from others.

[TehUltimateMage]

22 minutes ago, Koroshiya-Ichi said:

Posting this here where it has a lesser chance of backfiring into my real life... I'm not sure this sort of topic is allowed to be discussed much, so I didn't go into specific detail, but please note this post is about ADDICTION and SELF-LOATHING, so if that kind of thing is triggering for you, skip over it! If it's not okay for this forum I will happily edit/delete this post. I just... really have nowhere else to go with this. I feel like there is nowhere to be heard...

-snip-

 

I just wanted to say that you're really brave for just typing this out here. Writing it all out helps a lot to release bottled up emotions and organize your thoughts, even if it's on a forum.

 

I don't have any experiences to relate back to, but I think the very fact that you recognize that there's a problem is already a leap in the right direction. Means you haven't given up and now that you've felt like you've hit rock bottom, the only way to progress is up, or at least hang on until you get a breath of fortune headed your way. You want to change and I feel the power in your words, and I believe if there's a will there's a way. Best of luck...!

[Musetta]

Hi all. I've never posted on this thread before, but I need to try to make some friends. 

 

I'm a hot mess. I have bipolar ii and BPD. My doctor says I might need to undergo ECT if my current medication cocktail doesn't work, and that is terrifying. So I hope what I'm on now starts to work, hah! I got fired in May for something I posted on reddit (I have no clue how they found it) and accused me of violating HIPPA. So that was rough, and I've spent the better part of the last few months just sleeping. I got back into DC because it's low-effort enough for me to handle, yet still fun. 

 

My husband is putting the pressure on for me to get a job. Despite my mental health issues, I still want kids. My BPD is no longer as wild and irrational, and the nurturing instinct in me is huge. I may have found a job, and I know I won't like it, but I know it's temporary. If all goes well and I'm feeling better, we may start working on kids next year. 

 

Anyway. So that's all the lame stuff.  Fun stuff: I have two pugs! They are my babies and I'm always posting them on Instagram. I also have goats. Lmk if you want to look at my page on facebook for our itty-bitty farm! I looove my rotten animals. 

[HeatherMarie]

Musetta, hi, I'm bipolar as well and have been at that "ECT if meds don't work" place in life, so if you ever want to talk just PM me. Thankfully I got stable enough (although not due to meds) that I didn't need to go through with the ECT, but I definitely know how scary it feels to have to consider it.

 

*sigh* This evening I had to call Animal Control and surrender my cat to the Humane Society after she became scarily aggressive and wouldn't calm down. She started hissing and growling very loudly at noon today, and wouldn't stop. Consistently, for seven full hours. I wanted that long because I was hoping she would calm down... It didn't look like she was hurt, not externally at least, but she hid under the bed and wouldn't let me close enough to see very well. Every time I tried to get close she'd hiss and swipe at me. Seven hours. She was loud and sounded kind of out of control, and scary, and I had no idea what was wrong. Nothing in her routine/diet had changed, she's current on all her shots, she's fixed... I have no idea what happened. But it scared me. I love her dearly but even if this was something that could be fixed at the vet, by the time Animal Control came I was just honestly scared of her. I hope she'll get treated for whatever is going on and find another good home. I've been crying on and off for the last three hours.

[Musetta]

Thanks, Marie! A couple people at my church just went to this workshop for "tapping" (it has an official name, but I don't remember) and are going to try to make it work for me? We'll see. I realllllly don't want ECT. Ugh. On my first hospital stay, I met someone undergoing it. It's a little surreal to think I'm possibly at that point.

 

I'm so, so sorry to hear about your cat. My animals are my babies and the idea of something like that happening is terrifying. The sudden-ness is so confusing, too. Will they at least let you know what happens? 

[C88]

I sometimes feel the urge to hurt people deeply. Such as people on these forums, for instance. If I see someone asking for help or seeking comfort all I want to do is drive the knife in deeper and twist it. I have no reason to feel this way towards them as they have done nothing to me. I just do. I never act on it, though it is legal/rule consequences rather than moral consequences that stop me. I wouldn't care if I caused someone terrible pain.

I went with total honesty on this one, so... does all this mean I'm a nasty person? I don't usually feel this way to people other than others who browse the internet and voice their thoughts/feelings. IRL I don't have trouble unless it is someone I have reason not to like.

[TheTrueMilkyBeast]

Guys... I could really use some comfort. I was diagnosed with a terrible thing. It's some kind of brain illness, I'm unsure about its name, but it really makes me feel bad, because it results in constant anger (thankfully, rarely to the point when I harm people physically), headaches, eyes twitching and biting fingers/arms (not nails, fingers...). Nobody can tell (even some doctors can't) and everyone thinks it's just my habits and bad temper. But, you know, it hurts to feel that something is in your head that is, well, unusual.

[Musetta]

On 8/15/2017 at 3:58 AM, C88 said:

I sometimes feel the urge to hurt people deeply. Such as people on these forums, for instance. If I see someone asking for help or seeking comfort all I want to do is drive the knife in deeper and twist it. I have no reason to feel this way towards them as they have done nothing to me. I just do. I never act on it, though it is legal/rule consequences rather than moral consequences that stop me. I wouldn't care if I caused someone terrible pain.

I went with total honesty on this one, so... does all this mean I'm a nasty person? I don't usually feel this way to people other than others who browse the internet and voice their thoughts/feelings. IRL I don't have trouble unless it is someone I have reason not to like.

 

I think, as long as you don't act on it, you are not a nasty person. It's hard to view people on the internet as "real" people. It's how trolls are able to to their icky troll-y things. It's what gives people on 4chan so much power. Anonymity has power to it. As long as you remember there are actual humans behind the computer screen, you should be fine. I think you're doing fantastic not giving into the urge to hurt people. <3

 

On 8/15/2017 at 5:19 AM, ThermoDanone said:

Guys... I could really use some comfort. I was diagnosed with a terrible thing. It's some kind of brain illness, I'm unsure about its name, but it really makes me feel bad, because it results in constant anger (thankfully, rarely to the point when I harm people physically), headaches, eyes twitching and biting fingers/arms (not nails, fingers...). Nobody can tell (even some doctors can't) and everyone thinks it's just my habits and bad temper. But, you know, it hurts to feel that something is in your head that is, well, unusual.

 

That sounds so, so scary. I'm sorry that this is something you have to go through. Life can be a jerk sometimes. Are there any medications or therapies you can take for it? Have you heard of The Mighty? They publish articles involving mental health and rare diseases/disorders. Someone has probably published an article or two about yours! (I've published there a few times about my mental disorders.) I hope things will be able to get better for you, now that you and your doctors know what it is. -hug- Let me know if there's anything I can do.

[Mira15]

I dunno. It's my third day living in the college dorms for the first time. My roommate brought cockroaches with her, and when I tried to talk to her about it, she was unconcerned, so, she's pretty used to living with cockroaches. Up to this point, I've seen one in my entire life. I just wanna cry and I have no idea what to do. I've talked to my RA and maintenance, and no one is doing anything. It's just like, that was my one thing. I can put up with so much, but cleanliness is so important to me.

 

Oh well. That's my little pity party.

[Isuzu]

2 hours ago, Mira15 said:

I dunno. It's my third day living in the college dorms for the first time. My roommate brought cockroaches with her, and when I tried to talk to her about it, she was unconcerned, so, she's pretty used to living with cockroaches. Up to this point, I've seen one in my entire life. I just wanna cry and I have no idea what to do. I've talked to my RA and maintenance, and no one is doing anything. It's just like, that was my one thing. I can put up with so much, but cleanliness is so important to me.

 

Oh well. That's my little pity party.

Out of curiosity, is your roommate in a higher year than you? That might explain why she's unconcerned.

This might not be what you want to hear, but from my experience cockroaches and college dorms kind of come hand in hand.

I know, it's really unpleasant and kind of a shock at first but the best advice I can give you is to keep your room clean, set out traps regularly and maybe invest in some bug killing solution (sprays proved useless in our dorm). They usually like hiding in warm dark corners, or even in places with lots of papers, so keep an eye on those. These things might not get rid of them entirely (if your neighbors have roaches too, there's just so much you can do to keep them out), but it will definitely keep them at a minimum.

[andromedae]

I'm just here to vent a little. I wish everyone the best in life, anyone who is in need of love and support, I really, really hope you can find what you're looking for. I would try to become a supportive figure in the lives of others, but at the moment I kind of have to keep myself from falling apart first. 

 

First things first, I'm sick. Doctors can't find anything but I still totally feel like crap, and it's all because of my own poor choices in the past. I really thought I was getting better, but to no avail, my struggles continue. What's making me ill is like a massive puzzle I've been left to solve myself, and I'm no doctor. I'm resentful and angry at life for this, I feel as though I've been through enough painful circumstances. I can't do anything that I love, I am only capable of gathering the strength and mental concentration for school. I love the outdoors, seeing my friends and enjoying life outside in general but I can't. I've isolated myself from all but one of my friends because of this. I don't want to explain, and I've actually ignored them in the worst possible ways. My behavior has no true excuse, but I don't want to feel judged or to owe anyone an explanation of the bad things in my life. The only thing that keeps me from going overboard with self-destructive behaviors is my mother. I would never want her to go through the pain of seeing me go, or hurting myself in any way. Self-destruction will be confined to my own thoughts, and nothing more. All I do besides school is sit at home because I don't feel well. It's maddening, to say the least. I used to run track, I used to go out with my friends, I used to adore deep conversations and now all has vanished. I've just had enough. I don't really know how long I can take this.

[KageSora]

Could just use an Internet Hug or something right now.

 

Just saw my psychiatrist not long ago and said I was doing well on the meds and didn't wanna change them.  But stuff happened, life's real stressful and scary and worrying, and I'm slipping back pretty hard...  I don't wanna get back to where I was before my new meds, I spent a week in a psych ward because I didn't feel safe with myself anymore...

 

I want to talk to my family about some of it, but I can't.  I don't know how to bring any of it up, especially since my mom'll be like "what do you mean, that's BS"...  I don't feel entirely safe sharing some of the stuff, but I don't know how much longer I can deal with it as I have been...

[Moonlight_Eevee]

I feel defeated and right now, I barely want to talk to anyone. I really want to go back to playing online games but I don't want to have to pick and choose which games I play. My laptop broke and i had a friend of mine fix it up. I got it back today, eager to play a certain game only to find out that we installed the wrong bit version to play it. He's taking it back tomorrow but....

 

I'm so close to giving up. I don't know what to do at this point

[georgexu94]

On August 21, 2017 at 2:50 PM, KageSora said:

Could just use an Internet Hug or something right now.

 

Just saw my psychiatrist not long ago and said I was doing well on the meds and didn't wanna change them.  But stuff happened, life's real stressful and scary and worrying, and I'm slipping back pretty hard...  I don't wanna get back to where I was before my new meds, I spent a week in a psych ward because I didn't feel safe with myself anymore...

 

I want to talk to my family about some of it, but I can't.  I don't know how to bring any of it up, especially since my mom'll be like "what do you mean, that's BS"...  I don't feel entirely safe sharing some of the stuff, but I don't know how much longer I can deal with it as I have been...

*gives hugs and good cheer* We must stick together. I know you can do it. I'm having difficult times myself and well, people cheering me on makes me feel better. It makes me think 'How can I fail when people are backing me up, encouraging me?'. I also think there is an Infinite Being out there that controls our life and has a good and perfect plan for each of us. You seem to be having health problems. I don't know what sign or challenge this is. Sometimes not everything means something that you need to improve on. It may just be life wanting us to be patient and to simply hope.

 

other times, it just wants us to spend time with positive people who will support us. I think those are the times.  Surround yourself with positive people. Ask for help. Ask professional help. Ask close friends to support you, tell them problems and shizz. It feels good to let it all out and have someone to listen.

 

Do not overthink too much. Yes, I know. I can't use that advice properly because I myself struggle with shutting down my mind. I've been using meditation and hypnosis and find it helps some. You can try it.

[Ruby Eyes]

On 21.8.2017 at 8:50 AM, KageSora said:

Could just use an Internet Hug or something right now.

*big hug*

[TheTrueMilkyBeast]

On 21.08.2017 at 9:50 AM, KageSora said:

Could just use an Internet Hug or something right now.

*hug* I'm with you, I know how you feel. I hope it will all be okay!

[Predat0rs]

Yesterday I had some tragic news.

 

My husband. The one who's in prison right now for sexually assaulting me on our anniversary. The one who cheated on me and filed for divorce so he could marry his new gf.

 

Had the divorce case dropped. I have been waiting since early January for my divorce to be finalized in the end of Sept/early Oct and... And he had it dropped.

He threw a pity party for himself in front of the judge and told him that he still loved me, still cared for me, and wanted the marriage to work. That "Couples shouldn't throw in the towel over silly arguments." How is sexually assaulting me, cheating on me, and treating me like utter **** silly arguments?

 

His girlfriend ended up leaving him in May. He contacted me (going against a restraining order) trying to crawl back to me in June. And I denied him. Yet he still managed to have the divorce case dropped. I even wrote a letter to the judge and to the court telling them exactly why I need the divorce. I need it to get away from a freakin' monster.

 

And now I have to file my own divorce case against him. I have been waiting FOR OVER HALF A YEAR to get this divorce finalized. Now I have to wait another 6 months to see the final date, and another 6 after that to re-marry the love of my life (my new Fiancé)? That's bull-flippin'-sheet.

 

I am beyond angry/sad right now.

 

[TheTrueMilkyBeast]

31 minutes ago, Metal-n-Monster said:

Yesterday I had some tragic news.

 

My husband. The one who's in prison right now for sexually assaulting me on our anniversary. The one who cheated on me and filed for divorce so he could marry his new gf.

 

Had the divorce case dropped. 

 

Oh my, that's scary. You don't live in the same flat rn, do you? If he's in prison I mean.

Did you tell the court how he went against that order and exactly why he's in prison? I'm not actually good with how it all works, but they certainly should keep that in mind when going through cases like this... I hope you'll get through it all and that nothing will prevent you from divorcing whenever the due date is. (And that no other girl will ever be his girlfriend... I can see why his newer one left.)

[georgexu94]

O.o The world is a scary place.

 

@Metal-n-Monster: Your story is scary. I hope you find peace soon. Stay away from this man, I say.

[Ruby Eyes]

Unbelievable. What did he pay that judge?!

[Predat0rs]

I honestly have no idea how or why it happened. I can't even come to terms with how they would allow that to happen. I am filing my own case tomorrow. But, half a year more to wait... after almost waiting a year to get divorced... is ridiculous. 

 

On 8/24/2017 at 2:16 PM, ThermoDanone said:

Oh my, that's scary. You don't live in the same flat rn, do you? If he's in prison I mean.

Did you tell the court how he went against that order and exactly why he's in prison? I'm not actually good with how it all works, but they certainly should keep that in mind when going through cases like this... I hope you'll get through it all and that nothing will prevent you from divorcing whenever the due date is. (And that no other girl will ever be his girlfriend... I can see why his newer one left.)

No, I moved out of the place we lived in together. Bad memories, namely the assault, forced me to. Which sucks because now I am residing with my parents, once again. I thought I had finally moved out of here for good! Well, nope, guess not.

 

On 8/25/2017 at 2:23 AM, georgexu94 said:

O.o The world is a scary place.

 

@Metal-n-Monster: Your story is scary. I hope you find peace soon. Stay away from this man, I say.

I am staying far, far, far, far away, don't worry. He has no right to be in my life, and I hope SOME intelligent judge sees that.

 

On 8/25/2017 at 2:30 AM, Ruby Eyes said:

Unbelievable. What did he pay that judge?!

***TRIGGER WARNING***

Spoiler

I believe the judge felt emotional/sorry for him because my ex was so emotional during his speech for wanting to continue the marriage. I also believe that the fact that my ex-husband has a slight physical disability (his left leg is 'different'), that makes people feel sympathetic towards him automatically... and that had something to do with it. Actually, I had to fight tooth-and-nail to prove he sexually assaulted me because he has a handicap. That was their main argument against my accusations of assault. All they saw was Physically Disabled and nothing but that. I'd explain further, but eh, I think I'll keep this reply short and clean. But I will say that I don't particularly understand how people can be judges/lawyers without knowing basic science like forensics people do, and only use "apparent" arguments...

 

[TehUltimateMage]

I... don't know if I can feel love anymore. Not just romantic love, but love in general. I feel nothing towards friends and family. It just takes so much energy now to bring up my compassion... It used to be so easy.