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Obscure_Trash

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You have no idea how incredibly proud of you I am for being able to get out of such a relationship.

Thank you, Sock! I'm really glad that I did, too.

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My stepmom might be kicked out... I am going with her if she is.

Whatever's happening, it sounds quite scary, but I know you and your stepmom can persist and reach greener pastures past this. *huggles* It will turn out okay. <3

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just needa get some stuff off my chest

TW: depression, ED

 

I've been inexplicably very depressed for about 2 months now? Before this started, my last depressive spell was basically the entire summer break, June through August, and the whole time I was denying that it was depression? Even though I was literally the picture perfect, checking-all-boxes, epitome of depression. I was just like 'no...I'm fine...' and then college started and life was so stressful that my anxiety kicked into maximum overdrive and now it's chilled out and I'm depressed again and idk I just finally decided to be real with myself and realize that something is definitely wrong. And idk what to do about it.

 

Also I've been in ED recovery for a few months now but uh the past few days have been very rough. Every time I think I'm "better" and every time I'm strong enough to eat five delicious donuts and not feel guilty, something comes along to send me into a tailspin. Usually it involves someone taking a picture of me, me seeing the picture, picking apart every flaw in my body, crying, and shutting down for about a week. Obsessing over food. Binging because food is my "comfort." Then hating myself even more. So yeah, saw some full-body candids of me the other day and it sent me spiraling. I'm staying on track with what I need to be eating but my mind is in absolute agony. This ED is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. My anxiety and depression are nothing compared to it. I'd rather have a panic attack every day than these awful intrusive life-halting thoughts about food and my body. I cannot express how exhausting it is. Every single person I see. Every single food-related thing I see. My body is healed, my metabolism is getting stronger, my period is back, my weight is restored, but my brain is still sick.

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just needa get some stuff off my chest

TW: depression, ED

...

user posted image

 

*hugs to you*

Depression can be tough to fight, however I am sure that you will fight strong. Keep on!

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just needa get some stuff off my chest

TW: depression, ED

 

I've been inexplicably very depressed for about 2 months now? Before this started, my last depressive spell was basically the entire summer break, June through August, and the whole time I was denying that it was depression? Even though I was literally the picture perfect, checking-all-boxes, epitome of depression. I was just like 'no...I'm fine...' and then college started and life was so stressful that my anxiety kicked into maximum overdrive and now it's chilled out and I'm depressed again and idk I just finally decided to be real with myself and realize that something is definitely wrong. And idk what to do about it.

 

Also I've been in ED recovery for a few months now but uh the past few days have been very rough. Every time I think I'm "better" and every time I'm strong enough to eat five delicious donuts and not feel guilty, something comes along to send me into a tailspin. Usually it involves someone taking a picture of me, me seeing the picture, picking apart every flaw in my body, crying, and shutting down for about a week. Obsessing over food. Binging because food is my "comfort." Then hating myself even more. So yeah, saw some full-body candids of me the other day and it sent me spiraling. I'm staying on track with what I need to be eating but my mind is in absolute agony. This ED is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. My anxiety and depression are nothing compared to it. I'd rather have a panic attack every day than these awful intrusive life-halting thoughts about food and my body. I cannot express how exhausting it is. Every single person I see. Every single food-related thing I see. My body is healed, my metabolism is getting stronger, my period is back, my weight is restored, but my brain is still sick.

*hugs hugs hugs*

 

You're beautiful, you're worthy, and you can keep moving forward. <3

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A month ago, I confessed to someone I really loved. Ive always had a horrible time loving people. Mainly due to my first crush I ever had.... dying but that way four years ago. But I confessed. She kept acting like she had a crush on me too, and I'm normally spot on when people like me. She rejected me. Because she just wanted to stay friends and because she loved someone else more.

 

I'm still so torn up about this. I value that we've managed to stay friends but I wish... I wish it could have been something more. To finally get the feeling that someone actually loved me you know? That's all I want. To know that someone actually would care about me enough to... say they loved me.

 

The bad thing is, this crush hasn't faded. All my previous crushes (a grand total of two) have faded away. My crush on her, my best friend, hasn't faded... and it kinda hurts knowing that she has someone right here next to her that would go to hell and back to manage to get her to love em, but she's chasing after someone else..

 

Note: I still love her as a friend while having a crush on her and it's still a huge mixed signal... she also told me that she regrets rejecting me..

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just needa get some stuff off my chest

TW: depression, ED

 

I've been inexplicably very depressed for about 2 months now? Before this started, my last depressive spell was basically the entire summer break, June through August, and the whole time I was denying that it was depression? Even though I was literally the picture perfect, checking-all-boxes, epitome of depression. I was just like 'no...I'm fine...' and then college started and life was so stressful that my anxiety kicked into maximum overdrive and now it's chilled out and I'm depressed again and idk I just finally decided to be real with myself and realize that something is definitely wrong. And idk what to do about it.

 

Also I've been in ED recovery for a few months now but uh the past few days have been very rough. Every time I think I'm "better" and every time I'm strong enough to eat five delicious donuts and not feel guilty, something comes along to send me into a tailspin. Usually it involves someone taking a picture of me, me seeing the picture, picking apart every flaw in my body, crying, and shutting down for about a week. Obsessing over food. Binging because food is my "comfort." Then hating myself even more. So yeah, saw some full-body candids of me the other day and it sent me spiraling. I'm staying on track with what I need to be eating but my mind is in absolute agony. This ED is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. My anxiety and depression are nothing compared to it. I'd rather have a panic attack every day than these awful intrusive life-halting thoughts about food and my body. I cannot express how exhausting it is. Every single person I see. Every single food-related thing I see. My body is healed, my metabolism is getting stronger, my period is back, my weight is restored, but my brain is still sick.

For depression, the best thing you can do it get help and make people aware, not necessarily in that order. Tell your family/friends/other people who you are close to about it. Having people know about what's causing you to act/feel that way does help in them understanding it, from personal experience.

 

As for getting help, finding a good therapist near you is useful. It gives you an extra person to talk to about it, and they're also someone who's literal job that they went through college for is to figure out how to make you feel better. A psychiatrist can also help, if you're comfortable with that.

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For the past hour I have been making a list of all the people on Dragon Cave that I miss - either because they have quit or are inactive. Over 100 names "grace" the list. Seeing them gone makes me upset. ;_;

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@Jsward322: No need to feel bad because you are not reciprocated. It's difficult to move on, and we can offer no word for that other than take your time. *hug squish*

 

@predatorfan4ever: sad.gif Indeed! It cn be sad to see Internet friends go. Internet friends are friends too.

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I'm so terribly nervous about tomorrow. I've got a dentist appointment and I'm downright terrified. My teeth aren't the best and bad teeth run in my family and I haven't been to the dentist since I got my two fillings over 8 years ago. My wisdom teeth are bad and probably will need to be pulled, but I just really don't want to go through pain tomorrow and I just really hope they knock me out, but since its a free clinic run by a church they might not.

 

It's just a meet and greet with the dentist, but I hope that's all it is. I really don't want him to clean my teeth, they are so sensitive and....yeah I'm just scared. sad.gif

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I totally get where you're coming from, and I know this isn't the advice thread, but can I suggest you do something new? Something for you? It doesn't have to be anything social like going out and making new friends - nothing to turn you into an anxious mess. It can be anything from buying yourself a new game or learning a new hobby. Look up youtube videos and learn how to crochet. Sign up for duolingo and learn Spanish. Treat yourself to a movie by yourself sometimes (gotta say, I love going to the movies alone - so relaxing). Watch the food channel and make yourself a nice fancy dinner. Do something for yourself. Remember that plenty has passed and there's plenty to miss, yes - but don't forget that you're still young and life still has plenty of time to offer great stuff for you. You're struggling now, but that doesn't mean you will always be struggling.

 

I found a quote a while ago that I really like, and maybe it'll help you.

user posted image

 

 

 

 

 

I hope that you get that fresh start you want, too. And I believe you will get that chance. <3

Hey yeah you're right. Doing something different won't fix everything but at least it will be a nice change of pace and learning something new is always really great. Lately i've actually been watching shows while crafting to give my hands something to do. I was big into cartoons and anime when I was younger but I grew out of it I guess. But i'm getting myself back into it a little bit and its nice. I really missed some good shows all this time

I really want to learn crochet actually! I tried when I was a kid but got so lost. But maybe I could do it now. I'll have to give it a go perhaps. I should finally try some more things instead of just living in this comfortable/uncomfortable shell i've locked myself in haha..

 

I never heard that quote before and it honesty?? it made me a little emotional haha. I really really like it thank you for sharing it with me. Thanks for the advice in general actually as it really means a lot to me smile.gif *hugs*

Edited by aerolyx

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I'm so terribly nervous about tomorrow. I've got a dentist appointment and I'm downright terrified. My teeth aren't the best and bad teeth run in my family and I haven't been to the dentist since I got my two fillings over 8 years ago. My wisdom teeth are bad and probably will need to be pulled, but I just really don't want to go through pain tomorrow and I just really hope they knock me out, but since its a free clinic run by a church they might not.

 

It's just a meet and greet with the dentist, but I hope that's all it is. I really don't want him to clean my teeth, they are so sensitive and....yeah I'm just scared.  sad.gif

Going to the dentist can indeed be terrifying. However, there is nothing to be afraid about. Your dentist cares about you, your dental health. I'm sure that you won't be having your teeth pulled out. They will just do general cleaning. The sensation of that drilling may be something you get used to, but scary at first. You may think they are drilling, but they are only removing the dirt so your teeth remains clean.

 

smile.gif If you are scared, you can hold the hand of your parent, or friend,. Or a stuffy.

 

Stuffy

 

best wishes!

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I am so stressed. My 7 month old daughter is due on Monday for an operation, albeit a minor one.

 

I feel like I'm struggling to find light at the end of the tunnel, since she was born there has been so many health issues. She was born with polycythemia and was taken to NICU and I was given the odds that she may have had cancer. We were lucky and she didn't have cancer, but it was touch and go and in the time it took them to test, I've never cried so much. She had an exchange transfusion, and thankfully it worked. She was so tiny but with months of effort, she has gained weight and is growing.

 

Then she got poorly, I took her to an emergency doctor at 3AM explaining that she had a fever that wouldn't come down and wouldn't drink. He sent me to the hospital as a precaution, by which point she had started developing a rash. The next morning I got news that the lumbar puncture had come back positive and she had meningitis. That was a terrifying time as she was in the hospital on IV antibiotics. When she was released home, I was given follow up appointments to see the damage that the meningitis had caused. We don't think at the moment that it has damaged her eyesight, but they believe it has made her partially deaf.

 

I know I sound horribly ungrateful and I'm aware that meningitis can kill, make you lose limbs, go completely blind/deaf. But I feel like there's just no end to being in hospital with my little girl, watching her go through so much and I'm helpless to do anything... Monday is just a sedated hearing test because the other ones came back with reduced results, but I'm so stressed over it all. I hate seeing her poorly.

 

This week she has had a very nasty chest infection that ended up with her barely taking any fluids - less than a third of her usual intake. We were very nearly in the hospital again due to dehydration.

 

Kids are wonderful things until you can't sleep through stress and know they're going to be awake in four hours wanting to play and sleep doesn't even appear to be on the horizon.

 

I need hugs and an abundance of coffee.

Edited by Angel of the Inferno

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I just have to get this off my chest

One of my best friends is moving away... And my other friend don't really care about me. This friend, let's call her Lisa, if given the chance would hang out with someone else, and trusts pretty much everyone but me, I feel so worthless. I don't want to be friends with Lisa anymore, but if I say my feelings she'll make me feel guilty, and Ill be completely alone at school. I'm too shy to talk to new people... Lisa loves talking to people, but says she's say, yet I can't talk to anyone without having a panic attack. Lisa always wants attention too, she fishes for compliments all the time...

Not only am I having trouble with that, my self esteem doesn't even exist anymore. First time I'm going to actually say this tbh, I hate myself. Like a lot. I know I have my family that loves me, but that's what family is for. I try to do anything and it just doesn't feel like I should try. Trying my very best, is someone else's worst.. That's hard to think about. Why should I try when all I do is disappoint people?

Of course the only place I can talk about this is on the Internet because I'm too scared my feelings are just me over reacting and someone will just think I'm weak... I don't know what to do.

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the depression has seeped its way deep into my performance at school and i am now failing a class and if i don't get my grade up i will lose my scholarship which will basically ruin my life because this scholarship is the only way i can afford college and i do not have a backup plan besides going to college. i worked so hard to get here and i finally figured out what i want to do with my life and bam depression kicks me down hard and takes it away.

 

idk what to do as i can't speak to the professor and try to explain myself or negotiate anything because there are hundreds and hundreds of students in this class, and tens of thousands altogether in this university, so i, an individual and one in a long line of freshmen whining about their grades, do not matter whatsoever.

 

failing bc i'm depressed and now i'm more depressed bc i'm failing and like wow life is so good

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the depression has seeped its way deep into my performance at school and i am now failing a class and if i don't get my grade up i will lose my scholarship which will basically ruin my life because this scholarship is the only way i can afford college and i do not have a backup plan besides going to college. i worked so hard to get here and i finally figured out what i want to do with my life and bam depression kicks me down hard and takes it away.

 

idk what to do as i can't speak to the professor and try to explain myself or negotiate anything because there are hundreds and hundreds of students in this class, and tens of thousands altogether in this university, so i, an individual and one in a long line of freshmen whining about their grades, do not matter whatsoever.

 

failing bc i'm depressed and now i'm more depressed bc i'm failing and like wow life is so good

Depression really is the worst, especially when you have obligations to fulfill and you just don't care enough or feel like you can do it. I've been there more times than I'd have liked, and I'm sorry you're going through it. I'm not the best at offering comforting words, but seeing as I've been in that place multiple times throughout my 10+ year education (grad school yay) I can offer some advice.

 

Most universities have a student health center of some sort, along with psychological services. If you haven't already, I'd check them out. They can be a LOT of help in not just getting you back on your feet, but also in guiding you on how to deal with professors. There's no shame in going there. Also, if you have the student insurance, the copay should be either nonexistant or low ($20/session in my case). Also, all three of the universities I've attended have offered 10 free sessions before you need to pay, regardless of insurance. So, you can at least take advantage of those if yours does too!

 

You can also try to register for disability services. I think most universities have them, and a lot of people don't realize that they aren't just for learning and physical disabilities. At mine, depression is considered a disability and yours probably considers it one, too; you might be able to ask for extended assignment deadlines or extra time on exams. They might deliver a notice to your professor, or they might give you a notice to deliver to them yourself. At my university, they do the latter.

 

Speaking as someone who has been both student and instructor:

 

1. Psych services are of great help when you need them, and the counselors and psychiatrists are typically trained like you would find at any private practice. They are also bound by the same HIPAA laws as any other doctor. They will never go to your professors and tell them what you've said or what medications they've prescribed, if any. The counseling center might ask if you would be okay seeing a student counselor, which are probably videotaped. They are required to tape student counselors so a professional can assess their work afterward, but those videos are destroyed after reviewing and you can always decline a student counselor and ask to see a professional (who do not have to be videotaped).

 

2. If your professor receives a notice from disability services saying you need X accommodation due to your condition, they are required to provide it. No ifs, ands, or buts.

 

3. There's no shame in handing a professor or other instructor a letter from the office of disability services. In a class of hundreds of students, you probably wouldn't be alone in doing so. Also, it lets your instructors know to put a little more effort into helping you succeed, as it puts an official emphasis on your need. :)

 

Sorry for the infodump here, I do hope it's helpful. I just want you to know you aren't without recourse here, and you don't have to go through this alone. <3 I know it's hard to work up the motivation to do anything when depression gets bad, but if you haven't already tried these resources, I highly encourage you to give them a chance. They really could be a big help. They were for me.

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Not much to say here, but I need to get things off my chest somewhere.

Around a year ago, a friend of mine, a student from my college, one year younger than me, was diagnosed with leukemia. He was one of the many children and young people that charity foundations gathered money for to provide him a bone marrow transplantation in Germany. Not enough money was gathered while he was there, and so they had to send him back to Serbia and in the meantime they doubled the required amount of money, which was tremendous to begin with. Today, the water polo club he trained for back in the days has published news of his death. I can't imagine how his family is doing, as well as his close friends, who also happen to be my friends and my college colleagues, like he used to be. I'm devastated and angry. Wondering if there was anything we could do to save his life doesn't help at all.

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I've been depressed for s good month or so, depression hit harder for Valentine's Day when of course, I was alone. Such a shocker.

 

I got accepted into a college I wanted for the first two years, it'll help me, it's close, and I've been there once, it's pretty nice. However, my dad called them, without my knowledge, and said I don't need accommodations, which I actually do, really, really need. So now I can't stop that.

He's done some other physical stuff as usual, more insults, whatever. I've been driving so that's nice, as soon as I get my license I'm driving far away.

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I've been depressed for s good month or so, depression hit harder for Valentine's Day when of course, I was alone. Such a shocker.

I'm not good at giving any sort of advice and stuff, but I just wanna respond to this point by saying that I feel you on the loneliness aspect. I'm going to be twenty in a matter of months, and it crosses my mind sometimes that I haven't yet met anyone who's more than a friend, but on the other hand my mother was twenty-nine when she finally married.

 

tl;dr, I feel ya.

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I cutmy thumb while prepping diNNER AND CUT PART OF MY HECKING NAIL ONTO THE NAILBED CLEAN OFF AND I Am so hecking angry and my thumb is bloody and stuff snd heck

 

Heck!

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I've been depressed for s good month or so, depression hit harder for Valentine's Day when of course, I was alone. Such a shocker.

 

I got accepted into a college I wanted for the first two years, it'll help me, it's close, and I've been there once, it's pretty nice. However, my dad called them, without my knowledge, and said I don't need accommodations, which I actually do, really, really need. So now I can't stop that.

He's done some other physical stuff as usual, more insults, whatever. I've been driving so that's nice, as soon as I get my license I'm driving far away.

*spills tea* mad.gif What?! sad.gif You got accepted into college; why did your dad called them to say that you're not going.

 

I apologise; I don't have enough info to say much about the matter.

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Not a huge thing but on another thread I said that I have my periods where I forget about this site, and the thread was to make DC more engaging and I agreed on doing so because yeah I'd be nice if I could do a bit more on this site so that I'd come back more often instead of forgetting about it months on end. But instead various people are telling me that "This isn't the game for you" and that I shouldn't be playing it. I just find that incredibly rude, who the hell do they think they are telling people "this isn't for you"?

 

I can perfectly decide that for myself, I'm not wrong for wanting the game to offer a bit more, just like people that don't aren't wrong either, I'm perfectly able to decide what i can or can;t play and despite me forgetting a lot about this game I can play it, so to anyone who says that this isn't the game for me go sit on a cactus

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sad.gif I apparently did something foolish which will prolong my unemployment. It does not help when my mom keeps on about it. I just wish people would be more... understanding that I am not an expert in social conventions.

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My mom died a few months ago and it still feels like it just happened. I keep accidentally staying up all night and distraction is all I ever feel up to these days. I joined DC right after I started middle school. 5 years ago my uncle died, we were pretty close. I spent so much time online and with the questions like "how was school?" sometimes they'd ask how my dragons were doing. I'm isolated a lot, took me way too long to appreciate them trying to take some interest in my hobbies.

 

That was the last person who was around my whole childhood. Just started college last fall and now the only one that lasted is my cat. I'm empty inside but full of regret.

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