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Obscure_Trash

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Nobody cares. Why bother.

Everything is crumbling

My anxiety is worse

My art is just garbage

There's no way to improve to matter how much I practice, I do it every dang day

I just can't

Nobody wants to help

So why should I reach?

Sure, I catch people when they fall

But there is nobody to catch me.

I fall

And I crash

And nothing will change that. Not now, not ever.

I'm just

Done.

Hugs to you because there are people on the internet who think you matter, who know you matter!

 

Art sometimes feels like a hopeless battle but sometimes it's a truly personal thing. Who cares if you think nobody likes vent art, it's an expression of emotion for yourself. And when you draw and keep drawing, try different things, explore, have fun! All artists have felt they've hit a plateau at some point. It's a tough grind but you've made it so far so keep going <3

Edited by TehUltimateMage

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Hugs to you because there are people on the internet who think you matter, who know you matter!

 

Art sometimes feels like a hopeless battle but sometimes it's a truly personal thing. Who cares if you think nobody likes vent art, it's an expression of emotion for yourself. And when you draw and keep drawing, try different things, explore, have fun! All artists have felt they've hit a plateau at some point. It's a tough grind but you've made it so far so keep going <3

Pf..nobody cares, not even online. My friends on a video game I play, who I've tried to talk to for so long, are only using me to give them a lift, or promise to level with me and completely ditch me. I'm being guilt tripped and I know one friend who does this, and I can't leave her because she's incredibly mentally unstable(not like insane, but when she gets down or something she -really- hits the ground). Not to mention all she wants to do is use me for Mudkip, and then pull me back in with 'boohoo me'. A lot of people I had there hardly remember me and even deleted me. My small pod of friends in school was torn apart because of COLORS (not skin colors, colors like yellow, red, etc). I have essentially nobody because they can't stand being near each other.

 

I've struggled for so long with art. All I really want is to at least get a personal style, then maybe it will help me enjoy drawing more. I can't do symmetrical eyes or shoulders, I can't make a hand, I can't draw something again(If I draw a perfect head/hair, I literally cannot make it that good again, I've tried.) I want to give up so badly, but someone else I talk to keeps telling me "at least your use of color is good". NO offense, but I don't want just color, I want to improve on what I'm coloring.

 

It's even worse(at least I feel it is), because that same person is just a sweetheart, and I know getting feelings for them will end in heartbreak, because of my own paranoia and the fact that, Kipz, who would want this? Hahaha.

 

But yeah, no big deal anymore. I can't even keep updated on here.

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I've struggled for so long with art. All I really want is to at least get a personal style, then maybe it will help me enjoy drawing more. I can't do symmetrical eyes or shoulders, I can't make a hand, I can't draw something again(If I draw a perfect head/hair, I literally cannot make it that good again, I've tried.)  I want to give up so badly, but someone else I talk to keeps telling me "at least your use of color is good". NO offense, but I don't want just color, I want to improve on what I'm coloring. 

I actually have similar problems... with humans. Not sure about you, but I draw nonhumans much better than humans, so if you're having these issues with a particular type of charcter, maybe try another type first? And psst... still have some art things I'm not so happy with, but practising helps. But it's slow. I can't hope to understand your situation, though... sorry.

 

----

 

Ugh.... everything is pointless. No one cares what I do. No one listens to my pleas. No one gives a damn as long as I'm everbody's good little prodigy... but can't they see the effect on me, even if I try to ignore it! Years... and years.... and THEY get away scot free. I'm told to ignore it. My ears hurt when they do it, but of course they never get in trouble. And lifting a finger is pointless. Then everyone else nods and says they're sorry. But they don't do a thing. It's pointless, because all I can do is nothing. Explaining why does nothing. No one gives a damn what you need, it's all about the normal people.

 

...and now I feel like a brat for this...

Edited by Dusky_Flareon

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I'll just use this thread to vent, don't mind me, please. Best of wishes to everybody out there struggling. I'm hurting, it's been a tough day. I often feel as though life is...playing me. It lays out a beautiful landscape before me, only to then realize it's nothing but an illusion. I hate falling into my own misery, for it's the worst thing that I can do, what I need to remain unbreakable. Sometimes it feels as though the future will be bleak, will be empty, it's truly the illusion of better times to come that keeps me going. I wonder what's the meaning of living this life, but most of all, why is it that I feel so inclined to give it meaning? It's an obsessive drive that eats me alive. I think I should just switch back to this artificial happiness, depthless, senseless radiant in all its glory. And yet, I've come to realize that not all that glitters is gold.

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I actually have similar problems... with humans. Not sure about you, but I draw nonhumans much better than humans, so if you're having these issues with a particular type of charcter, maybe try another type first? And psst... still have some art things I'm not so happy with, but practising helps. But it's slow. I can't hope to understand your situation, though... sorry.

 

----

 

Ugh.... everything is pointless. No one cares what I do. No one listens to my pleas. No one gives a damn as long as I'm everbody's good little prodigy... but can't they see the effect on me, even if I try to ignore it! Years... and years.... and THEY get away scot free. I'm told to ignore it. My ears hurt when they do it, but of course they never get in trouble. And lifting a finger is pointless. Then everyone else nods and says they're sorry. But they don't do a thing. It's pointless, because all I can do is nothing. Explaining why does nothing. No one gives a damn what you need, it's all about the normal people.

 

...and now I feel like a brat for this...

I've tried to draw animals/anthros/monsters..I'm just not very good.

I still use bases and it's sad because at my age, and according to my mother, my 'skill', I should be freehanding things that, while they wouldn't be art museum worthy, at least be pretty impressive. I haven't achieved that one bit, and I honestly doubt I ever will. I mean, I get practice isn't going to help you improve over night, and lets you get a handle on things, but I'm taking on an art class where the teacher says I'm progressing faster than the others, and that I'm pretty good. And yet, it doesn't show on anything I've drawn. I practiced on a sheet (not in class) a paw. Just a paw, like for anthros. The first time it was great, and when I practiced and filled the entire sheet, every single one, aside from the first one, was off, distorted, or unrecognizable.

 

No need to apologize, though!

 

 

 

I upload every little piece of garbage I work on to my Deviantart, if you want to see proof of this nastiness. I was going to upload two more things today actually.

 

 

Vent-ish progress: My friends..or ex-friends, didn't even show up to the spot we used to meet. They all entered, looked around, and went off to class. No hello, no wave, no nothing. I've essentially lost my friends permanently, and I'm miserable. My online friend(the unstable depressive one) just used me all of last night to get things for her, which in turn wasted what I had wanted to do in the area we went(it locked me out so I can't run it on the difficulty I always do)

 

I made a few subtle call out broadcasts on Facebook because I know those friends will see, but apparently they don't get it, liked the post, and are now currently having a brawl on my page...great...

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I just came here to give everyone a hug. Partially because I need a hug as well. -hugs-

^^ *hugs*

 

Work sucked tonight. Can I hide a body yet? I need hugs, ice cream, and vodka. Not necessarily in that exact order.

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Don't fret about what people think. Those customers who come to the drive-thru complain all the time. And they complain of the service of the establishment, not you individually. smile.gif So, do not take it personally. Hey, they won't even remember your name, or you. If you encounter them on the streets, they will treat you as any ordinary stranger, and will not think of you as the drive thru person they lashed out on. They would or might even smile at you.

 

As for the job, I understand how difficult it is to find a job, but you will find one eventually.

Oh man i'm sorry about my super late reply on this! Anyways, you're totally right and I know that but admittedly it is hard to believe sometimes. Espcially since i'm an incompetent nervous wreck oops

 

Thank you though *hugs* i'll really have to remember that nexr time. And thanks hopefully a new job will come sooner rather then later smile.gif

 

~~

 

Its like 2am here so sorry if this is confusing. Speaking of, work sucked for me too. I decided to pick up more hours since I cant find a better job yet (and also to get my parents off my behind a little bit) and im regretting it so much. Im cross trained to do everything and I guess i'm good at everything except cashiering but...guess who gets stuck on the drive thru every single day anyways? I've worked up the nerve a few times and told my managers that hey, I have severe anxiety and really shouldn't be doing this every day can I please switch sometimes. But it's like talking to a wall with them so i'm stuck. It's been like this for several weeks now and my sanity is slipping. I'm good at hiding my anxiety for the most part but it's getting so bad that I can't anymore. Customers look at me funny and my coworkers dont talk to me unless they have to and/or they laugh at me a bit for being nervous and tell me to chill. I get extra ansty and pace a lot and have been called out for being well, a rude person to put it kindly. When a customer rush kicks in, which happens a few times a day, I start tearing up and shaking bad and making so many mistakes which makes things worse for me, them, and my coworkers...

 

It's a mess. And kind of a miracle I haven't been fired yet ha ha. ..But really though it isnt fair and im so scared for myself. I'm treated like a machine, get less despite having more seniority then most others, have no say in anything, and there isnt a day where im trembing and wanting to cry because it's too hard for me to take someones order for a Diet Coke or whatever. Oh and despite being treated like human garbage, I cant leave, im too scared to leave, and its not like i have a choice anyways since who the heck else would give me a chance at another job anyway

Edited by aerolyx

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I've tried to draw animals/anthros/monsters..I'm just not very good.

I still use bases and it's sad because at my age, and according to my mother, my 'skill', I should be freehanding things that, while they wouldn't be art museum worthy, at least be pretty impressive. I haven't achieved that one bit, and I honestly doubt I ever will. I mean, I get practice isn't going to help you improve over night, and lets you get a handle on things, but I'm taking on an art class where the teacher says I'm progressing faster than the others, and that I'm pretty good. And yet, it doesn't show on anything I've drawn. I practiced on a sheet (not in class) a paw. Just a paw, like for anthros. The first time it was great, and when I practiced and filled the entire sheet, every single one, aside from the first one, was off, distorted, or unrecognizable.

 

No need to apologize, though!

 

 

 

I upload every little piece of garbage I work on to my Deviantart, if you want to see proof of this nastiness. I was going to upload two more things today actually.

just popping in here to say that people tend to place a ridiculous amount of pressure on artists regarding skill / age, when in reality it shouldn't matter nearly as much as it does.

 

art is an expression of who you are as a person, and what you want to contribute. it doesn't matter if you've drawn since childhood or waited until adulthood, it's still a largely personal process and no one else should decree what level you should be at at a certain age/skill-level. improvement is about pushing out of your comfort zone in a way that benefits yourself, not making yourself so uncomfortable that you don't feel like making art.

 

and again, i often find that artists tend to be their own worst critics. i have friends who are amazing artist who often badmouth their sketches, and i myself am guilty as charged of berating my own skill level and comparing it to what i think i should be able to achieve.

 

but, you can't hate your art and make it magically better. forgive yourself every once in a while because it's a tough world out there and it's so much easier if you take it slowly and learn to be kind to yourself & your mistakes. grow from wanting to self-benefit and improve, not through wanting the impossible.

 

if you feel using bases helps you concentrate on other things, such as linework or colour theory, then by all means go ahead! you are your own artist, so don't be dictated by what others want.

 

i'm sure your teacher meant well. it doesn't hurt to boost the ego a little here and there!

 

as someone who started art later in life (rly late, we're talking like a decade and a half haha), good luck! things'll get better. <3

 

--

 

and lots of hugs and best wishes to everyone else in the thread, i hope your day gets a little bit better. <3

 

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I had something typed out, but I'd feel too guilty about posting it. So, I guess just a cup of emotionally supportive tea would be nice? :')

I only have fruity tea, but my roommate has a very large selection of choices she's willing to share. They all come with emotional support. <3

 

Hey, thanks for asking, I appreciate it. It's mostly my own fault, mental illness stuff. Lost the casual job I was barely getting too, dropped out from school, family don't want me home, lost all my pet birds in the span of a week, untreated mental illness I can't afford, physical health deteriorating, all this fun stuff.

 

Hope you're well x

 

That's a ton of loss to go through so quickly. I'm so sorry. *hugs* I hope things begin to look up for you here. <3

 

My boyfriend was supposed to do some online gaming with me to celebrate our anniversary (yes our anniversary is on Halloween) and he went away from keyboard and now may well have forgotten and fell asleep. Is it bad that I'm both sad and kinda pissed? I need a hug.

 

*hugs* It's disappointing when one partner doesn't have the same passion for an anniversary. You're totally allowed to feel sad and mad. I hope he gave a good apology? <3

 

It's the worst part of autumn, and the whole year tbh, when all the leaved have fallen and it gets dark at 5PM and it rains all the time and I just feel really empty. Ugh. Hugs to everyone here!

 

*hugs and offers hot chocolate* I have tootsie roll, junior mint, peanut butter fudge, birthday cake, mint truffle, peppermint, and red velvet. Happy to mix flavors for you as well. =)

 

Im starting to distance myself from Friend A. I have college to focus on and little petty fights are not what I want to spend my energy on. Friend A has noticed. She messaged me saying that she has blocked me from social media because she realizes I don't want to talk to her.

 

I just. Ughhhh I dont know. Im sad that it seems Im throwing this friendship away but I am just done with her offending me all the time. She always has to be better than us. And if Friend B and I are ever better at something than Friend A is, Friend A will make sure we know that she is still better than us at something else.

 

You're definitely not throwing a friendship away. She threw it away a long time ago by not respecting it. You are doing the healthy thing by getting distance. I'm so proud of you for being able to do this. <3

 

TL;DR: I'm a lonely, insecure loser who relies on the internet an unhealthy amount in a feeble attempt to feel better about myself which usually backfires. I probably need help.

 

D: *hugs* You're definitely not a loser and there's absolutely nothing wrong with having internet friendships, nor having the majority of your relationships be online.

 

It sounds like you're really passionate about video games, and that's awesome! Try not to lose hope before you've even started. There is plenty of chance that you can enter the video game industry.

 

You might try to talk to your school guidance counselor about how you're feeling. You don't deserve to feel this way. You're a great person. <3

 

Ugh.... everything is pointless. No one cares what I do. No one listens to my pleas. No one gives a damn as long as I'm everbody's good little prodigy... but can't they see the effect on me, even if I try to ignore it! Years... and years.... and THEY get away scot free. I'm told to ignore it. My ears hurt when they do it, but of course they never get in trouble. And lifting a finger is pointless. Then everyone else nods and says they're sorry. But they don't do a thing. It's pointless, because all I can do is nothing. Explaining why does nothing. No one gives a damn what you need, it's all about the normal people.

 

I'm so sorry, Dusky. =( *hugs*

 

I often feel as though life is...playing me. It lays out a beautiful landscape before me, only to then realize it's nothing but an illusion. I hate falling into my own misery, for it's the worst thing that I can do, what I need to remain unbreakable. Sometimes it feels as though the future will be bleak, will be empty, it's truly the illusion of better times to come that keeps me going. I wonder what's the meaning of living this life, but most of all, why is it that I feel so inclined to give it meaning? It's an obsessive drive that eats me alive. I think I should just switch back to this artificial happiness, depthless, senseless radiant in all its glory. And yet, I've come to realize that not all that glitters is gold.

 

*hugs* The future is terrifying. We may not know the meaning of life, but I personally feel as if that's a small drop in the bucket compared to the fact that you're a living, breathing person with goals and passions and interests, and I think it's okay to just do what you want and have some fun doing it. <3

 

I just came here to give everyone a hug. Partially because I need a hug as well. -hugs-

 

*hugs*

 

Work sucked tonight.

 

I've got butterfinger ice cream sandwiches and strawberry chocolate truffle gelato. You are free to both. <3 (I also have some vodka, but I got it for vodka pasta, so it may not be the best.) *hugs*

 

It's a mess. And kind of a miracle I haven't been fired yet ha ha. ..But really though it isnt fair and im so scared for myself. I'm treated like a machine, get less despite having more seniority then most others, have no say in anything, and there isnt a day where im trembing and wanting to cry because it's too hard for me to take someones order for a Diet Coke or whatever. Oh and despite being treated like human garbage, I cant leave, im too scared to leave, and its not like i have a choice anyways since who the heck else would give me a chance at another job anyway

 

D: Aww, I'm so sorry. Food service can really suck - and not just because of the customers. *hugs* Good luck in your hunt for something better!

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Thanks for the love, peeps! I'm currently snuggled in bed with my husband, our dog, and one of our three cats. I avoided the alcohol, in part because I don't like drinking when I'm experiencing extreme emotions. Ice cream will be had once sleep is also a thing.

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Thanks for the love, peeps! I'm currently snuggled in bed with my husband, our dog, and one of our three cats. I avoided the alcohol, in part because I don't like drinking when I'm experiencing extreme emotions. Ice cream will be had once sleep is also a thing.

You're cuddly, so you must be feeling a little better! I'm glad. o3o

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Hugs and best wishes for everyone here. I wish the best for everyone and good things to come your way

 

(...I also wish I could have a hug too because I cant remember the last time I had one and I think I need one more then my pride irl will ever let me admit oops)

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*hugs for all* Life is indeed complicated in your head. Moral support is wonderful from you guys, especially when work and school meld into a big pile of censorkip.gif that makes you wonder why someone isn't dead yet.

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(...I also wish I could have a hug too because I cant remember the last time I had one and I think I need one more then my pride irl will ever let me admit oops)

*hugs* <3

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Kinda a long post incoming, but it's relevant, and I think may help quite a few people out at this moment, I just hope that it isn't seen as something too contreversial, but;

 

I've noticed that across the entire internet, there are many voicing their concerns about the recent election.

 

People are scared, people are concerned for their wellbeing, I've read that in some cases - some people have even commit suicide.

 

I've read posts, all across the internet, from young people, who are now afraid to come out as gay, or trans, ect. I've read posts from people who are too afraid to leave their own homes. Posts from people who have "gone back into the closet" - told their friends/family that they were wrong about their sexuality, and are now forcing themselves to live a lie, unhappy with themselves. People who are living in conservative communities who are scared. People who just want to lie in bed and pretend this is nothing but a nightmare... The list goes on.

 

It's heartbreaking, it honestly is.

 

I myself am LGBTQ+ and suffer from mental disorders, however, am not an American citizen, but it does not mean that I'm any less terrified. This whole thing - it doesn't just affect America, it affects the world. Because now, we have this..idiotic..racist..homophobic, sexist, rapist of a man in charge of the most powerful nation on earth.

 

Don't be afraid to share your concerns, and offer your support to people, as from what I've learned, for the most part, the DC community is extremely welcoming and supportive, and I have no doubts that they would continue to be so during this time, towards people, young or old, who are scared due to the recent happenings.

 

Just remember, always stay proud of who you are, wether you're white, black, asian, latin american, gay, straight, trans, fluid, ect- You're not alone. We can be here for each other, we can love and support each other, no matter the outcome. I know that many people are ready to fight for their rights. Find yourself a welcoming community, and immerse yourself into it, make friends who will support you, and I promise, you'll be ok <3

 

*hugz*

 

And, if it really makes you all feel better, I recomend taking a look of the things in this list that Trump CANNOT do: http://notbecauseofvictories.tumblr.com/po...-protections-to

 

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I'm feeling really sad that there's so many people who just believe what the media says and assume Trump is a racist and sexist and Hillary should have won, while in reality she's a murderer who wants to start WW3.

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I wish I could give everyone who is worried about losing their rights, especially the younger people, a warm hug and assurances that when Mr. Trump assumes the office of President in January 2017, your rights will not be diminished. You won't have to worry about being treated as less than a person.

 

Mr. Trump ran on the Republican ticket because we have a 2 party system and it was impossible for him to get on the Democratic ticket. A 3rd party candidate does not have a chance.

 

Ronald Reagan, a liberal, ran and won on the Republican ticket and became Governor of California. During his term, the teacher's union in Cali banned gay men from teaching in public schools. Reagan was furious and would not allow that to happen. On his own motion he reinstated the teachers who were fired and made discrimination against gay men and lesbian women a crime.

 

The Log Cabin Republicans were born and backed Reagan 100%. The Log Cabin Republicans at that time were all gay men who liked the idea of being Republican (less government interference than the Democratic Party). Reagan went on to become the Republican President of the United States. He never would have been elected without the support of the Log Cabin.

 

Please read about the Log Cabin Republicans. I have included the website. Read the whole thing. It is important. http://www.logcabin.org/

 

Don't be depressed or feel helpless, or drop out of the things you like to do, or leave the country. Every person needs to be a warrior to make sure that no one erodes any of our rights. (((((((HUGS))))))))))

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I'm afraid to even post this right now.

 

I'll say it right now: my family voted for Trump. And that's only because they don't trust Hillary; my dad worked in the military for 20 years and fought in Afghanistan. Benghazi and what's happened to the military in the past 8 years left such a negative impact on my family that they could never vote for Hillary. They definitely don't like Trump either, but we had to choose between one or the other. I genuinely wish there was a "N/A" option on the ballot; I'm pretty sure my parents (and many others) would've picked that this election.

 

I couldn't even vote, and I've been harassed by my classmates for my parents' decision. I've posted about my mental issues here earlier; since I don't have any reliable emotional support in real life, I go to the Internet to calm down after a rough day but today all I see whenever I go to any site is droves of people calling my family deplorable and anti-human rights due to their choice of vote. Even the people who I've made friends with online are attacking us and I don't know what to do.

 

I feel so alone and I feel like I've been driven into a corner due to circumstances beyond my control. I genuinely feel for the people who fear for themselves - I'm female, asexual and on the spectrum (my dad and my brother are also autistic), and I have no idea what's going to happen. Either way my family had to vote for a person who they despised; now we're caught in the crossfire, people are taking their frustrations out on us and there's nobody we can turn to. I was so nervous to post this because I was afraid of backlash due to our family being Republican... I really need a hug.

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honestly both trump and hillary were censorkip.gif** candidates. you and your family were stuck between a rock and a hard place and you guys thought what you did was best in a censorkip.gif** situation. all those people attacking you are censorkip.gif** people too who automatically assume that voting republican means anti-black anti-gay anti-woman anti-trans anti-hispanic etc when in reality people vote for trump either for less government in their lives (social security its a pyramid scheme) or because they dont trust hillary because of what happened overseas in war and with her email

 

 

 

a very very small amount of people who voted for trump are actually racist sexist censorkip.gifs. it just so happens they happen to be very vocal too

 

 

and trust me racist sexist people voted for hillary as well

 

edited because for some reason a bad word wasnt censored so i made a censored version of it

 

Edited to fix a censor.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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At first I was in total panic, but I just feel...numb. It's hard to grasp that Trump actually claimed a victory. I was so sure that Clinton would win, that Trump didn't have a chance in office. Now my rights as a woman are in jeopardy. I'm just hoping that the majority of the Repubs in Congress are the kind that dislike Trump, so that if he proposes anything bad, it won't go through.

 

Edit: My dad's girlfriend has a gay friend. He's chill, good guy, has a jumpy Chihuahua. He's absolutely terrified for his rights as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. The former's half-sister could loose the health care programs that help her raise her two kids and keep the three of them under a roof. People who we know and love could be in danger. I bought myself a large amount of chocolate to binge and soothe the election shock.

 

I'm not so proud to be an American anymore.

Edited by Esko_the_Wolf

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I'm feeling really sad that there's so many people who just believe what the media says and assume Trump is a racist and sexist

ahahahhahahhhahaha oh my gosh. we're actually listening to the actual words that have come from his actual mouth, no media bias required.

 

on topic-ally, yeah like many people I am feeling very devalued and scared. virtual hugs to all who want them. we are all intrinsically worthy people.

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