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Obscure_Trash

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Babe, I love you!

 

Mom-In-Law can be a bit against us, but we will make it through! We always do!

 

Have faith, you little atheist.

 

Love,

Your wifey.

I love you too!

 

Thanks for your support, hun.

 

*hugs*

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Reaching out for a little support here:

 

Its finals week, and I'm a huge ball of stress. Even with being on my ADD medication my anxiety symptoms have popped up the last two weeks making it hard to focus on school work or anything else.

 

On top of this I'm having to deal with living at home until I can maybe get financial aid in the spring, my mom critisizing me for taking medication even though she's noticed a huge difference in me (because she thinks I didn't try harder to eat healthy and get more sleep and excercise before jumping to drugs. And she doesn't believe I have ADD.) I'm losing weight from the medication and the not feeling a need to eat lunch unless prompted by something (a break at work my sister dragging me somewhere, knowing I have to close) and my nurse practitioner who is working with me with the medication is worried that I'm not getting enough calories and protein. When I mention to my mom how I notice I'm losing weight because my pants aren't fitting right (most are nearly falling off) but I don't have the money to replace them, and I don't know if my losing weight is healthy or not (and won't know until my general practioner runs a full physical, which will then lead to possibly having to change medication with the nurse practioner) and her response is I'm looking good and maybe she needs to get on medication like mine to lose weight.

 

Just...ugh, I do know my medication can be used off label for that but first you tell me you don't want me on it then you make this comment when I share I'm worried about how much weight I'm losing when I've been told this may not be a good thing? That's the last thing I need to hear :/

 

On top of that, I go in for an ultrasound this week to find out what's wrong with my lady bits (can't use tampons, the first diagnosis seems incorrect so now we have to take a looksee) and I won't find out what's wrong until next week when my doctor can sit down and look over the results.

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I feel really bad because sometimes I am unable to hide my reactions....

 

to explain myself. I dislike babies and tiny children, they freak me the hell out. It's I believe a phobia type reaction. I also can't explain why, other than its possibly a phobic response.

 

I know I did not want to express disdaine to a coworkers baby when she came in, so I made myself scarce and left thebuilding. I could do that, she came before I started shift.

 

So my coworker is n ot too fond of fish, and I said mine is so ugly its cute. Then she showed me this pic of a child and my reaction was to step back and cringe. My reaction was instantaneous.

 

I spoke to her later and I found out it was her kid,... Dear gods, I felt so bad... its not that I mean the kid ill will, its just they freak me out. What I did, inspite of it being a knee jerk reaction makes me feel like a total jerk... and I forever feel and. Once the kid reaches a certain age, they become less disturbing, and I am more at ease with them. She said its probably because kids are annoying... its not that. Babies to me are absolutely repulsive. I look at them and they make me want to run. I havve to look the other way.. It puzzles me how people say babies are cute and they get all gushy over them when I look at them and see most differently. I sure has heck do not find them cute.

 

I apologise to all the mothers out there, its nothing personal if I react in a way that may be found offensive...particularly when I least expect it. Wait until the child is 3 or 4 before introducing them to me, it'll be better for everyone.

 

 

 

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I felt better just typing this out and posting, so I am cathartically deleting it now smile.gif

Edited by toyofubl

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Mmm, I'm back after a while, oh yay, and just to basically throw another dad issue down...though it's not necessarily anything specific (yet .-.)

 

I'm just getting real tired with him and life right now. I've still been really depressed, even though I've been trying things I like. From drawing(terrible drawings at that) to listening to music, watching Markiplier since he usually perks me up..

 

Nothing's really working now, and I'm not telling my friends because I don't want them worrying too much, They've had an issue with someone that acted that way only to gain pity, and they don't take too kindly to it anymore. I had done it once(not the gain pity, but brought up something) when I was uncomfortable because of something, and there was absolutely no sign of support or comfort, etc. So I don't do that.

 

It's not like I'm feeling suicidal though, and even so I'm way too chicken to do anything harmful to myself, so I suppose that's a good thing. I'm just..I don't know. I guess you could call me like a void? Or just real depressed..I don't know. I can smile and laugh and such but, of course I have different thoughts going on, and when I'm finished trying to socialize, I just go silent and such..

 

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel bad for seeing you guys PM me too and yet I either never manage to get around to answering, or I'm just forgetful..

I might just stop everything altogether..I really don't know what to do anymore.

 

 

I'm still very grateful to those who were supporting me and saying kind things with the last post I'd made, and I'm real sorry I didn't respond.

Edited by NoraNora

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I've been putting off on posting a thing here because I thought I could provide all the support for my self, I was wrong. Way horribly wrong. I've been having to deal with a hardships and well I cannot handle them anymore. I try to be stoic for so long but I just couldn't handle it anymore and a few days ago I just broke out. Because of my stupid choices I've lost most of my online friends to who I could talk to often and just blabber with. I keep doing self sabotage all the time I just am trying not to but it is so hard now. Recently my 'friends' in real life got together and told me to buzz off. I did nothing ever to harm and I never did harm them. One of them commented to me they would rather commit suicide then be around me for another hour... I've never felt so terrible before. I've been suffering isolation so long now but nothing seems to happen when I do reach out other then being told to "Man up" or "Toughen up" "It will pass". I just feel there is a stigma around guys showing any emotion or weakness and these radiate from me. I don't do any self loathing at all I'm quite content with my self but I'm starting to wonder where my flaws are and what causes all of these prolonged periods of time of isolation and neglect from my peers. I just want a friend, a real friend. I've heard of some guys having to bottle their emotion for 30 years. I could only do it for 3 months. I'm at a lost I just need some help... I'm sorry if this post is all over the place it is just my typical writing fashion and I'm being scatterbrained about it. There's so much more I want to say but I don't feel like sitting here for 3 hours ranting. Hopefully this isn't just a speaking to the void or something.

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I feel really bad because sometimes I am unable to hide my reactions....

 

to explain myself. I dislike babies and tiny children, they freak me the hell out. It's I believe a phobia type reaction. I also can't explain why, other than its possibly a phobic response.

 

I know I did not want to express disdaine to a coworkers baby when she came in, so I made myself scarce and left thebuilding. I could do that, she came before I started shift.

 

So my coworker is n ot too fond of fish, and I said mine is so ugly its cute. Then she showed me this pic of a child and my reaction was to step back and cringe. My reaction was instantaneous.

 

I spoke to her later and I found out it was her kid,... Dear gods, I felt so bad... its not that I mean the kid ill will, its just they freak me out. What I did, inspite of it being a knee jerk reaction makes me feel like a total jerk... and I forever feel and. Once the kid reaches a certain age, they become less disturbing, and I am more at ease with them. She said its probably because kids are annoying... its not that. Babies to me are absolutely repulsive. I look at them and they make me want to run. I havve to look the other way.. It puzzles me how people say babies are cute and they get all gushy over them when I look at them and see most differently. I sure has heck do not find them cute.

 

I apologise to all the mothers out there, its nothing personal if I react in a way that may be found offensive...particularly when I least expect it. Wait until the child is 3 or 4 before introducing them to me, it'll be better for everyone.

Interesting. As a pediatric nurse...this bothered me a bit, but you can't help the way you feel. However, I don't feel as though it's a phobia. However, it does seem to be a mental thing. Sometimes changing our perception of things can change how we respond, react, or think about things. Maybe you should practice some mental exercises of your responses by exposing yourself to images of kids or something because if you can at least contain your response or reaction ...or at least your reaction timing than maybe this will help you in the public setting. This way, you won't have to stress about upsetting someone or causing any conflict. I know this is all way easier said than done, but just something to think about is all! Also, just think. You were once a lil baby smile.gif hehe. Let me know if this is at all slightly helpful. I hope you know I'm not trying to show any bias but rather an open mind to be helpful !

 

Warm regards,

 

Ash

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My dog died last Thursday and I'm still kind of in a daze. It was sudden and unexpected and now she's all I can think about. I went to work today for the first time since she died, and *not* hearing her barking at the door when I get home, not having her jump on me as soon as I open the door... I keep walking into rooms and expecting to see her sitting there. I have a picture of her on my desk at work and I cried when I saw it today. I just don't understand why this happened, why she had to die, why she had to suffer. It's just not fair.

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I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. It's a very difficult thing to deal with -- grief. You are not alone. There are many people who love their pets as much or more than they love anything else. It will get a little easier as time passes. Hopefully some day soon you can think about another dog. It will never be the same dog but they all have their own personalities and are lovable. I read something once that gives me comfort:

"Every time you lose a dog, they take a piece of your heart with them but they leave a piece of their own heart with you."

I hope that gives you some comfort. {{{{hugs}}}}

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I've been going through a rough time with my mental illnesses recently. I have real bad anxiety, depression, and Dissociative Identity disorder, and its ruining my life. Because I can't keep any part of myself or the alters in control, people walk out on me and I feel like I have nothing.

 

I have the support of my Fiance, and I love her so much, but I'm terrified of her leaving, even though I know she won't, or that I'll do something bad enough to make her leave. And it scares me. To know that. I'm scared that in her decision to stay with me, that I am selfish, and that I am hurting her.

 

Sometimes I hardly feel human. I'm trying so hard to get "better" but I feel like I don't even know what "better" is.

 

Some days I feel great, then other days I'm just feeling awful. Or I'm not here at all, I've withdrawn and an alter has taken control.

Sometimes I'm scared of what will happen if I can't have control.

 

>.<

 

I feel so anxious posting this. I feel almost sick but I think it will help to just vent, hopefully.

 

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I've been going through a rough time with my mental illnesses recently. I have real bad anxiety, depression, and Dissociative Identity disorder, and its ruining my life. Because I can't keep any part of myself or the alters in control, people walk out on me and I feel like I have nothing.

 

I have the support of my Fiance, and I love her so much, but I'm terrified of her leaving, even though I know she won't, or that I'll do something bad enough to make her leave. And it scares me. To know that. I'm scared that in her decision to stay with me, that I am selfish, and that I am hurting her.

 

Sometimes I hardly feel human. I'm trying so hard to get "better" but I feel like I don't even know what "better" is.

 

Some days I feel great, then other days I'm just feeling awful. Or I'm not here at all, I've withdrawn and an alter has taken control.

Sometimes I'm scared of what will happen if I can't have control.

 

>.<

 

I feel so anxious posting this. I feel almost sick but I think it will help to just vent, hopefully.

*hugs* I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. Do you have a therapist to talk to about this? Maybe someone who could give you some ideas on how to manage this better. The need to control yourself is such a human instinct that it really does feel scary when you can't. I hope things get better for you soon.

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I just.....I feel so lonely lots of times and it hurts

 

A few years back I had a ton of friends. Always people to talk to. But we all graduated highschool now and went our seperate ways. And inevitably fell out of contact with them all. I thought and expected to make new friends in college but fast forward two years now and, despite my best efforts, I haven't made a single friend. Not a one. I cannot help but think maybe people just don't care or want to be friends with me. Having major anxiety disorders does not help matters either

 

I know that someday maybe i'll make friends again. And maybe i'm just not supposed to make friends in this college. Maybe that's how it is supposed to be. And yet....it feels like everyone at my college has friends. All my old friends have new (and probably better) friends. I guess I feel jealous and just....hurt. It really does hurt and I just don't know what to do about it anymore

Edited by aerolyx

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I've been suffering isolation so long now but nothing seems to happen when I do reach out other then being told to "Man up" or "Toughen up" "It will pass". I just feel there is a stigma around guys showing any emotion or weakness and these radiate from me.

There definitely is a stigma against guys having feelings, the same there is a stigma towards dominant and powerful women (yet men are supposed to be "caring husbands", and women are supposed to be able to deal with children and housework at once ... go figure). In the end, we're all equally human. We all have varying levels of sensitivity, and it doesn't really depend on what sex we are. We are who we are, we are our own persons.

And in the end, even soldiers at heart, the people who neither need nor want someone to fight for them, and are to first ones to stand up for others, will eventually need to take a rest and lean their head on someone's shoulder. So it is.

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I'm so depressed right now. Mom found 4 baby kittens at our mailbox that someone had dropped off and left. They were only 3-4 weeks old. We would have brought them to a shelter, but it was at the end of the day and they were closed. This morning mom when to check on them and one of the wasn't breathing. She spent 40 minutes trying to save it, but the little one was gone.

 

We saved the other three and brought them to a no kill shelter, but that other one...I've been depressed ever since. sad.gif

Edited by Syiren

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Posting here again on the same page. It has only been two days after the other post. But I am feeling worse. I've tired to reach out and have been ignored. The people who once said they would help me with this aren't and I'm just at a loss for on what to do. It's this major loneliness that dejects me... My lack of social skills and now a lack of friends. I'm lost and see no path.

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I've been putting off on posting a thing here because I thought I could provide all the support for my self, I was wrong. Way horribly wrong. I've been having to deal with a hardships and well I cannot handle them anymore. I try to be stoic for so long but I just couldn't handle it anymore and a few days ago I just broke out. Because of my stupid choices I've lost most of my online friends to who I could talk to often and just blabber with. I keep doing self sabotage all the time I just am trying not to but it is so hard now. Recently my 'friends' in real life got together and told me to buzz off. I did nothing ever to harm and I never did harm them. One of them commented to me they would rather commit suicide then be around me for another hour... I've never felt so terrible before. I've been suffering isolation so long now but nothing seems to happen when I do reach out other then being told to "Man up" or "Toughen up" "It will pass". I just feel there is a stigma around guys showing any emotion or weakness and these radiate from me. I don't do any self loathing at all I'm quite content with my self but I'm starting to wonder where my flaws are and what causes all of these prolonged periods of time of isolation and neglect from my peers. I just want a friend, a real friend. I've heard of some guys having to bottle their emotion for 30 years. I could only do it for 3 months. I'm at a lost I just need some help... I'm sorry if this post is all over the place it is just my typical writing fashion and I'm being scatterbrained about it. There's so much more I want to say but I don't feel like sitting here for 3 hours ranting. Hopefully this isn't just a speaking to the void or something.

How rude... They could at least politely tell you why they would want to leave you.

 

They aren't your real friends and you better get to find real friends that will accept you.

 

Feel free to PM me and anyone around here if you want to have somebody to talk to. smile.gif

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I'm the person that bottles up emotions inside themselves. But I can't keep them bottled up forever. So I decided to come here for help. My parents have been divorced for two years. My mom keeps arguing with my dad, and my mom constantly trash talks him. The other day I decided to call my mom. During that call, she began saying things like me and my brother couldn't see her anymore because it wasn't fair, and it was my dad's fault. During that same conversation I told her I broke my ankle recently and it had gotten better. After that conversation my dad talked to me and told me to be careful about what I say because my mom could use this stuff against him. A little bit after I went to bed dad came in and apologized saying to ignore what he said earlier. And then he told me that again in the car. I felt like crap after that whole thing, and I still do. And that's why I came for help.

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I'm the person that bottles up emotions inside themselves. But I can't keep them bottled up forever. So I decided to come here for help. My parents have been divorced for two years. My mom keeps arguing with my dad, and my mom constantly trash talks him. The other day I decided to call my mom. During that call, she began saying things like me and my brother couldn't see her anymore because it wasn't fair, and it was my dad's fault. During that same conversation I told her I broke my ankle recently and it had gotten better. After that conversation my dad talked to me and told me to be careful about what I say because my mom could use this stuff against him. A little bit after I went to bed dad came in and apologized saying to ignore what he said earlier. And then he told me that again in the car. I felt like crap after that whole thing, and I still do. And that's why I came for help.

As children, you are not the reason for this argument. It's your parents' own problems. Do not worry much about it. sad.gif The best thing is to stay clear from their arguments.

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Mostly just kinda need a virtual pat on the head or hug.

 

The kitchen is infested with ants, and I hate ants. They freak me out, I can't stand them. And I can't kill them because the exterminator came and we need them to survive to take the bait back to the nest to kill the colony.

 

So I have to just. Deal with them all over the sink. Try doing dishes when there are literally 72 small ants on the sink. (I counted).

 

And NOW THERE ARE ANTS IN THE BACK ROOM AT WORK.

 

I can't even escape them by going to work.

 

;____;

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We saved the other three and brought them to a no kill shelter, but that other one...I've been depressed ever since. sad.gif

That's sad. But focus on the three you could save, at least you could do that much!

 

Posting here again on the same page. It has only been two days after the other post. But I am feeling worse. I've tired to reach out and have been ignored. The people who once said they would help me with this aren't and I'm just at a loss for on what to do. It's this major loneliness that dejects me... My lack of social skills and now a lack of friends. I'm lost and see no path.
There are always people to reach out to, if not face to face, then online. The world-wide-web has made reaching people a lot easier, and over half of my friends I knew online first, some over a decade. Stay strong, and feel free to PM if you'd like. I tend to be extremely busy these days, but I'll always reply eventually.

 

*also offers a hug to Sora*

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That's sad. But focus on the three you could save, at least you could do that much!

True, and the girl at the counter said that they had a mother cat in the back who took them in which was a big relief. Thank you, it does make me feel better knowing that.

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I'd just like to say, everyone in this entire thread deserves hugs and cookies.

 

Either to help with what they are going through, or because they've helped to be so supportive.

 

It's quite amazing to see a community that is supportive like this. It's really good. smile.gif

 

And to all of you, I hope things get better, thankyou for the support smile.gif

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I just wanted to vent about something on my mind.

 

It's getting exhausting trying to nitpick my personality.

 

My interests are important to me, but for a while I got used to people telling me that the stuff I'm passionate about is embarrassing or stupid, so I got accustomed to shutting up about things I love. Like, if I didn't act a certain way or like/hate certain things, I was made fun of.

 

Now, I can't even express things I enjoy without feeling like I'm just embarrassing myself or being annoying.

 

For example, every time I go to talk to someone about a thing I'm extremely interested in, I say something like "I mean...I don't really like it that much" or "It's probably really stupid" or "I'm probably being annoying talking about this". But, I don't genuinely believe that.

 

The way I was often treated ruined the part I really liked about myself, and it screwed it up and I can barely access it now without being anxious. That part is now filled up with "I need to act like this in order to make that person like me" instead of just acting how I am naturally. And honestly that has made a lot of stuff miserable for me.

 

It's a shame.

Edited by Silverwinter

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Yesterday I was kicked out of my friend group. A few of them were saying that they wanted me to go away. I said anyone who didn't want me there should raise their hand. Everyone raised their hand. These were some of my closest friends. So now I only have three friends.

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edited because i was super oversharing oh my gosh

Edited by Lady Artemis
yep don't want that online

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