Emotional Support

[Starscream]

Being empathic, I can feel too much at times.

 

being on scene of a terrible tragedy also imparts a sort of twisted feeling of intense sadness.

 

Lets say I was talking to the postal worker because he is about to retire and I wanted to see him and wish him well. I was across the street at a building I used to live in.

 

Lets just say within minutes there was a cry out and firetrucks, police and ambulance arrive. The street is ribboned off.

 

 

Lets just say someone fell from the 9th floor of the building behind where I was standing.

 

And lets say I feel so sad for the family, the friends and those who knew the man with such intensity that i have been in tears throughout the evening. This is supposed to be a season of joy... not sadness. It shatters me that there are people out there sad and I can't make them happy.

 

I wish I could ignore my feelings like some people can. there are those who can appear so cold and neutral that such a thing would not phase them.

 

I wish others could understand what it is like to be empathic, and have to hide from the news because too much bad news can become very painful.

[Chicogal]

I... don't even know where to start.

 

My parents have ****ed me up so badly on the inside. Mostly my father. And when we try to talk, when he comes to me, it still doesn't go through to him. And my real reasons, the deep reasons, they're childish I guess to vocalise. Because they're rooted in intense jealousy and I know they shouldn't be.

 

I am feeling so incredibly depressed right now. My emotions were just compared to a kid's emotions who's late for school. No, no, no. This is so incredibly deeper than that. This is years and years of stuff that has built up.

 

Yeah.

[dragonsword]

*hugs Chico*

 

warning for mention of accidental injuries, if you don't like to read about that stuff

 

*clears throat*

 

Well let me start out by saying I don't feel comfortable about posting personal stuff like this uless it's to a friend, but I really just have to put this into words somewhere.

 

So, i've been feeling rather... well useless, for the past two or so years. Mostly it's because when I moved two years ago I had to leave my job and before that point I never really didn't have a job. Even when I was 13 I was volenteering or doing something to help out. I also ended up taking a year off of school which was at first nice but ended up just making me feel even more useless.

 

Another unhelpful matter in this situation is that I can't drive. Recently I have come to terms with why I am hesitant to learn. It's something that should have been blatantly ovious to me before.. the fact is I'm scared of cars due to an accident I was in when a was 13 or 14 where I came close to dying from a collapsed lung.

 

Last fall I kind of got back into the swing of things. I got a job as a tour guide for zip line tours but the day before training was over I got into a training accident and slammed into the platform with the speed from two people.. long story.. I ended up on crutches for a month and was completely shaken. I ended up doing a similar job right after I was healed enough to go back. That was purely a summer job though and now I'm jobless, carless, and I have to pay for a new school semester plus leftover doctor bills because while my doctor was checking up on my foot he found a "strange moles" and thought I might have a chance of getting skin cancer (I don't have it though) and he had to take two samples, which were not covered by workman's comp, plus I still have to scars on my neck '

 

Now I feel like a useless free-loadin child stuck in an "adult" body with my dad expecting me to act all grown up, but seriously, I'm not even used to signing my own name on things, how can a be an adult? But I'm also not a child.. aghhghg I don't know.

[Predat0rs]

Recently I went to the hospital to find out if I have fertility issues. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for over a year. I found out I have PCOS and it's severe enough that I might not have another baby (I have one son). I want to have a child with my husband sooooo bad.

[RWyvern]

...I just need some reassurance that everything will get better in the future...

 

love you, sis <3

[Ribombee]

Now, I'm not sure if it's a girl thing, but generally speaking, but do girls usually take a long to reply to texts? I'm sure I'm just stressing myself out, but I'm the kind of person that replies right away, and so I find it weird when people aren't the same.

I've been single for just over 6 years now, fresh out of High school, and really looking to meet someone. I just want to know if I should just be more patient, or if this is some kind of subconscious message telling me it's a "waste of my time".

 

/me feeling infatuated, frustrated, and confused...

I often take forever. I get really distracted by everything else. I sometimes don't know what to say. On the other hand, I know women who reply immediately and men who take days to reply to the simplest of questions. It's really more of an individual thing.

[Predat0rs]

I always reply immediately and I'm a "girl." I think it varies from person to person. It isn't just a girl thing.

[Syiren]

I'm getting really frustraighted. I love my boyfriend, but he needs to realize that my life is not just dedicated to him. He complained that last night that "Our conversations just keep getting shorter and shorter."

 

For one thing he called me later at night, two: it's only been a few days that its been like that, three: my mother was in the hospital over the weekend and I was taking care of her, four: yesterday was my birthday and everyone was trying to call me and I was going to all sorts of places.

 

The last two times we talked he didn't say "I love you" when he hung up. I did and I waited to see if he'd say it. He didn't.

 

This happened once before and he said it was because he was annoyed or disappointed because we don't get to hang out as much.

 

Well that's not my fault. He's taking night classes and I'm always busy during the day and by the time he gets out of class I'm always so tired. I don't want to fall asleep while on the phone. That's not fair to him.

 

He's told me once before that he won't wait forever and I've told him that I like to take things slow. I'm not big on relationships. This is the first real one I've had. Sure, I've had crushes in the past, but never anything serious.

 

I feel bad that I don't get as involved as he wants, but I have trust issues. He also has shown that he doesn't always trust me. When I tell him I'll call him at a certain time he doesn't trust me enough to follow through.

 

For example when I tell him I'll call at 9 pm he calls me at 8:30 and then later on uses that against me and says I didn't call him and he had to call me.

 

He doesn't realize that little things he does and says puts guilt on me that I don't deserve. I don't want to break up with him and I love him, but the things he does and all the stress this relationship puts on me is making me start to dread talking to him or even worse, sometimes I start to resent him and I hate that I feel that way.

 

I could really use some advice with how to handle this because I don't want to call this off, yet I can't stand to feel this way.

[Omega Entity]

There's a hard and fast rule I have when dealing with people - if there are more bad feelings than good with a person, then it's time to say goodbye.

 

That said, have you considered talking to him about this? From what you're saying, it really doesn't sound like a good relationship - he uses guilt to try a goad you into doing what he wants you to, and it sounds like you've not confronted him on it, or how his words make you feel. I'd do that first, and then go from there.

 

In the end, relationships are supposed to be mutually fulfilling, if not having their rough spots. If it's more stress than good feelings after you try to address the problem, then it'd be best to go your separate ways.

 

 

[Syiren]

There's a hard and fast rule I have when dealing with people - if there are more bad feelings than good with a person, then it's time to say goodbye.

 

That said, have you considered talking to him about this? From what you're saying, it really doesn't sound like a good relationship - he uses guilt to try a goad you into doing what he wants you to, and it sounds like you've not confronted him on it, or how his words make you feel. I'd do that first, and then go from there.

 

In the end, relationships are supposed to be mutually fulfilling, if not having their rough spots. If it's more stress than good feelings after you try to address the problem, then it'd be best to go your separate ways.

Thanks, I appreciate the advice and I guess I've just been too stressed lately to try and sit down and talk it out with him, though we have had talks before, but even then when he said "We need to have a little talk" and then says, (because it was over the phone) "But you'll find out when we see each other next." Which always makes me stress even more because now I'm in the dark for three days wondering what the heck happened. The last talk felt more like a lecture and I felt a bit demoted as if he was a father getting onto his daughter for doing something wrong. I HATE that.

 

I definitely plan to give him a piece of my mind, but I'll start off gently and go from there, depending on his response.

[Omega Entity]

Damn, add manipulative to his list of 'qualities'. I'd definitely try and have that talk sooner rather than later.

[Obscure_Trash]

I'm getting really frustraighted. I love my boyfriend, but he needs to realize that my life is not just dedicated to him. He complained that last night that "Our conversations just keep getting shorter and shorter."

 

For one thing he called me later at night, two: it's only been a few days that its been like that, three: my mother was in the hospital over the weekend and I was taking care of her, four: yesterday was my birthday and everyone was trying to call me and I was going to all sorts of places.

 

The last two times we talked he didn't say "I love you" when he hung up. I did and I waited to see if he'd say it. He didn't.

 

This happened once before and he said it was because he was annoyed or disappointed because we don't get to hang out as much.

 

Well that's not my fault. He's taking night classes and I'm always busy during the day and by the time he gets out of class I'm always so tired. I don't want to fall asleep while on the phone. That's not fair to him.

 

He's told me once before that he won't wait forever and I've told him that I like to take things slow. I'm not big on relationships. This is the first real one I've had. Sure, I've had crushes in the past, but never anything serious.

 

I feel bad that I don't get as involved as he wants, but I have trust issues. He also has shown that he doesn't always trust me. When I tell him I'll call him at a certain time he doesn't trust me enough to follow through.

 

For example when I tell him I'll call at 9 pm he calls me at 8:30 and then later on uses that against me and says I didn't call him and he had to call me.

 

He doesn't realize that little things he does and says puts guilt on me that I don't deserve. I don't want to break up with him and I love him, but the things he does and all the stress this relationship puts on me is making me start to dread talking to him or even worse, sometimes I start to resent him and I hate that I feel that way.

 

I could really use some advice with how to handle this because I don't want to call this off, yet I can't stand to feel this way.

 

~merged together~

 

Thanks, I appreciate the advice and I guess I've just been too stressed lately to try and sit down and talk it out with him, though we have had talks before, but even then when he said "We need to have a little talk" and then says, (because it was over the phone) "But you'll find out when we see each other next." Which always makes me stress even more because now I'm in the dark for three days wondering what the heck happened. The last talk felt more like a lecture and I felt a bit demoted as if he was a father getting onto his daughter for doing something wrong. I HATE that.

I am not here to define your relationship or say it is one thing or another. That is up for you to decide. I am not in your relationship, I do not know the whole story. You do.

 

I'm prefixing with the above because the next thing I want to say is: as someone who has been in an emotionally manipulative, years long relationship: there are several warning signs in your post that make me personally really uncomfortable.

• He withholds affection/signs of affection from you in order to punish you/teach you a lesson (not saying 'I love you').
• He doesn't trust you (plainly stated).
• He manipulates a situation when he's unhappy so that he can take it out on you (calling early).
• He puts the blame and guilt on you for his own unhappiness or anything that goes wrong in your relationship.
• He refuses to communicate with you and lets you sit and stew in fear/guilt/other bad feelings.
• He lectures you rather than treating you as an equal in the partnership.
• You dread talking to him and sometimes resent him.

As well, it sounds like there may be a basic incompatibility here: he wants to move faster than you and neither one of you are comfortable in the other person's comfort and safety zone. That's hard to overcome.

 

So I second the advice to at least talk to him if you want to continue trying with this relationship. Be firm. Do not let him place all blame on you. Particularly if you are saying "I feel hurt when x happens" because he needs to address that doing certain things is hurting your feelings and it's not your fault for being hurt. At the same time, if your purpose is to salvage this relationship, try to stick with I statements as otherwise it will likely come off as an attack rather than a discussion.

 

Anyway, support thread - I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this! It's a terrible way to feel. Feels like it starts to pervade into every little aspect of your life, right? It's not fun. I hope that things get better for you! <3

[Syiren]

I am not here to define your relationship or say it is one thing or another. That is up for you to decide. I am not in your relationship, I do not know the whole story. You do.

 

I'm prefixing with the above because the next thing I want to say is: as someone who has been in an emotionally manipulative, years long relationship: there are several warning signs in your post that make me personally really uncomfortable.

• He withholds affection/signs of affection from you in order to punish you/teach you a lesson (not saying 'I love you').
• He doesn't trust you (plainly stated).
• He manipulates a situation when he's unhappy so that he can take it out on you (calling early).
• He puts the blame and guilt on you for his own unhappiness or anything that goes wrong in your relationship.
• He refuses to communicate with you and lets you sit and stew in fear/guilt/other bad feelings.
• He lectures you rather than treating you as an equal in the partnership.
• You dread talking to him and sometimes resent him.

As well, it sounds like there may be a basic incompatibility here: he wants to move faster than you and neither one of you are comfortable in the other person's comfort and safety zone. That's hard to overcome.

 

So I second the advice to at least talk to him if you want to continue trying with this relationship. Be firm. Do not let him place all blame on you. Particularly if you are saying "I feel hurt when x happens" because he needs to address that doing certain things is hurting your feelings and it's not your fault for being hurt. At the same time, if your purpose is to salvage this relationship, try to stick with I statements as otherwise it will likely come off as an attack rather than a discussion.

 

Anyway, support thread - I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this! It's a terrible way to feel. Feels like it starts to pervade into every little aspect of your life, right? It's not fun. I hope that things get better for you! <3

Thank you so much Sock. And when you break it down like that, it does seem like that's how its going and it makes perfect sense. I plan to have a talk with him the next time we hang out. It was supposed to be this weekend, but that didn't happen thanks to how I've been feeling lately, (physically).

 

I seriously appreciate both of your advice and when the talk does come, I'll make sure that we stand on even ground and not let him feel like he's driving the conversation.

[HeatherMarie]

Can I just come in and ramble/rant for a moment? I kind of need... well, just support, I guess.

 

I make less then $200/month at my job. We have Foodstamps and are on Housing assistance, that's the only way we are making ends meet. (Mom can't work) But then... Mom is going to start getting her retirement money the last week in January. $661. You'd think that would be good, right? Except that now our Foodstamps have been cut to $190 (from $340), and our rent has been raised to $195 (from $11). I normally keep two savings, an Emergency Fund and an APS Fund to be used during the summer, plus my bank account. They are all bone dry right now. Mom has promised to build them back up with her retirement money, but I'm afraid the new food responsibilities plus the rent plus building up bank account/ Emergency Fund/ APS Fund... It'll leave us with nothing. And mom *has* to get new tires sometime within the next month or she's going to end up with a flat on the side of the road (been there done that). I'm just... I'm kind of wishing mom would've never asked for her retirement benefits. It's just SOOO many changes and so much stress!!

 

Add to that, I've been very very depressed and anxious lately and mom ended up calling the crisis team last night because I couldn't stop crying and I wanted to self-harm. So, there's that.

 

*sigh*

[Obscure_Trash]

Can I just come in and ramble/rant for a moment? I kind of need... well, just support, I guess.

 

I make less then $200/month at my job. We have Foodstamps and are on Housing assistance, that's the only way we are making ends meet. (Mom can't work) But then... Mom is going to start getting her retirement money the last week in January. $661. You'd think that would be good, right? Except that now our Foodstamps have been cut to $190 (from $340), and our rent has been raised to $195 (from $11). I normally keep two savings, an Emergency Fund and an APS Fund to be used during the summer, plus my bank account. They are all bone dry right now. Mom has promised to build them back up with her retirement money, but I'm afraid the new food responsibilities plus the rent plus building up bank account/ Emergency Fund/ APS Fund... It'll leave us with nothing. And mom *has* to get new tires sometime within the next month or she's going to end up with a flat on the side of the road (been there done that). I'm just... I'm kind of wishing mom would've never asked for her retirement benefits. It's just SOOO many changes and so much stress!!

 

Add to that, I've been very very depressed and anxious lately and mom ended up calling the crisis team last night because I couldn't stop crying and I wanted to self-harm. So, there's that.

 

*sigh*

That sounds so terrifying, Marie! I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. I hope that things get better.

 

I'll end with this arrow:

 

An arrow can be shot only by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. 

 

        So just take a deep breath and keep aiming.

 

<3

[Moonwick]

Making this post here is not easy for me.

 

There's been lot of complicated stuff in my life for a while now, and having mental illnesses certainly does not make it easier. I don't want to go into detail about what happened, and I don't want to be pressured into explaining it.

 

Besides, sometimes I feel like the thing that's bothering me is so sensitive and complex that explaining it to someone would take too long and make them leave before I even finish.

 

There's no one for me to talk to anymore. So, I just need to know that someone knows how I feel right now, which is, in a single word, suffocated.

 

Edited February 5, 2016 by Silverwinter

[Obscure_Trash]

Making this post here is not easy for me.

 

There's been lot of complicated stuff in my life for a while now, and having mental illnesses certainly does not make it easier. I don't want to go into detail about what happened, and I don't want to be pressured into explaining it.

 

Besides, sometimes I feel like the thing that's bothering me is so sensitive and complex that explaining it to someone would take too long and make them leave before I even finish.

 

There's no one for me to talk to anymore. So, I just need to know that someone knows how I feel right now, which is, in a single word, suffocated.

:<

 

I'm really sorry you're feeling so suffocated. Whatever you're going through, it sounds really tough. Please share a virtual cup of hot chocolate with me, if you want?

 

I hope that things begin to ease up for you and they get better! <3

[Infinis]

I keep feeling vaguely like crying, and the constant stress and anxiety is giving me nausea.

 

I'm tired of my mom's near-constant complaining. I hate our situation too, but there's nothing I can do to improve it until I get hired somewhere. The negativity and complaints are starting to really get to me because it feels like she's shoving off her insecurities and stuff on me because she keeps venting to me.

 

The big issue with that is that I am not equipped to deal with the emotional problems of others. I have my own anxieties to deal with and overcome. I am not a "social outlet". I am not a conversation partner. Every time she asks me for advice, it's never the advice she wants to hear because I'm a practical and down-to-earth person and I can only offer practical solutions.

 

And of course my life things are not progressing fast enough for her satisfaction. Also she keeps complaining that my brother doesn't talk to her enough, but she doesn't realize (and rejects the premise when it's pointed out to her) that constantly bugging him is only pushing him away. She wants him to be more independent, but she keeps helping him with every last thing. She doesn't want to accept that she is part of the problem.

 

I wish I had an escape. I am feeling nearly constantly upset these days. Between my mom's problems and my brother's problems, I don't know how to deal with my own because I feel like I have to deal with theirs.

 

I am increasingly feeling like I don't know how to adult and I'm pretty damn sure I'm right. :/

 

In a single word, I feel trapped. Really really trapped. I can't talk to my mom about this because she has a history of guilt tripping, like "I can't do anything right can I" crap, and she doesn't understand my social issues well enough to not invalidate them by saying crap like "get over it". ;__;

Edited January 26, 2016 by Infinis

[Moonwick]

I keep feeling vaguely like crying, and the constant stress and anxiety is giving me nausea.

 

I'm tired of my mom's near-constant complaining. I hate our situation too, but there's nothing I can do to improve it until I get hired somewhere. The negativity and complaints are starting to really get to me because it feels like she's shoving off her insecurities and stuff on me because she keeps venting to me.

 

The big issue with that is that I am not equipped to deal with the emotional problems of others. I have my own anxieties to deal with and overcome. I am not a "social outlet". I am not a conversation partner. Every time she asks me for advice, it's never the advice she wants to hear because I'm a practical and down-to-earth person and I can only offer practical solutions.

 

And of course my life things are not progressing fast enough for her satisfaction. Also she keeps complaining that my brother doesn't talk to her enough, but she doesn't realize (and rejects the premise when it's pointed out to her) that constantly bugging him is only pushing him away. She wants him to be more independent, but she keeps helping him with every last thing. She doesn't want to accept that she is part of the problem.

 

I wish I had an escape. I am feeling nearly constantly upset these days. Between my mom's problems and my brother's problems, I don't know how to deal with my own because I feel like I have to deal with theirs.

 

I am increasingly feeling like I don't know how to adult and I'm pretty damn sure I'm right. :/

 

In a single word, I feel trapped. Really really trapped. I can't talk to my mom about this because she has a history of guilt tripping, like "I can't do anything right can I" crap, and she doesn't understand my social issues well enough to not invalidate them by saying crap like "get over it". ;__;

 

(Just in case, I'd like to let you know I've written this reply with a calming tone, not a stern or angered one. Sometimes I can come off like that, and I don't want to startle you.)

 

I understand this problem well.

 

You are like me in a lot of ways you just listed and my mother does this exact thing too, quite odd how similar really.

 

Well okay, when your head is so filled with emotional problems and anxiety, one thing can set you off and that might seem rude to others, which is very unfair of them.

 

For a long time I thought I was a bad person because I didn't want to listen to people's problems, but then I've accepted that not everyone is meant to "absorb" negativity and handle it well. When you are surrounded by constant negativity, it truly does start to weigh on you.

 

The important thing I can think to tell you is that you aren't forbidden from making yourself happy. I know first hand that this kind of situation can make you feel like you aren't allowed to focus on improving yourself, but you shouldn't have to be forced to help only other people. You are the most important thing in your life.

 

As for not progressing fast enough: the truth is, you should go at your own pace.

 

In our world, people have become used to going at things quickly and "efficiently" to the point where they don't realize some people aren't equipped for it. You DO know how to be an adult because you are one, it doesn't matter how fast you progress in the "adult world".

 

I won't go on, I don't want to potentially add onto the weight you already feel. I just wanted to see if I can help. Hopefully something in this basket of messy advice does help, but if not I hope something else does.

 

I'm so sorry about all this, genuinely sorry because I understand so much how painful it is.

Edited January 26, 2016 by Silverwinter

[TehUltimateMage]

I've been having anxiety eat me alive in the past four months. I need to secure a job by next week for my work term credit to count -- in fact, I'm already a special case in that most people started their work at the beginning of January.

 

I've wasted the past three weeks trying to avoid the problem and self-sabotaging myself by not going on the job hunt like I should have and now I'm filled with a sense of everlasting shame that prevents me from replying to the growing pile of unanswered emails from my student advisor. This is no way to act like an adult and I know that this is really immature behavior.

 

Whenever I pull up an email to send to a company to ask (or beg, rather, since I have no prior work experience) I just write a few words before minimizing it, or I stare at it for hours before going to Youtube for the cheap entertainment. All these negative thoughts of "no one's going to hire me on such a short notice" are becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy and all I can do is grovel in my own worthlessness. I have no skills. I'm too stubborn and ashamed to seek help.

 

I saw another email and I think I'm going to throw up.

 

Any advice on getting out of this avoidance rut?

[Infinis]

(Just in case, I'd like to let you know I've written this reply with a calming tone, not a stern or angered one. Sometimes I can come off like that, and I don't want to startle you.)

 

I understand this problem well.

 

You are like me in a lot of ways you just listed and my mother does this exact thing too, quite odd how similar really.

 

Well okay, when your head is so filled with emotional problems and anxiety, one thing can set you off and that might seem rude to others, which is very unfair of them.

 

For a long time I thought I was a bad person because I didn't want to listen to people's problems, but then I've accepted that not everyone is meant to "absorb" negativity and handle it well. When you are surrounded by constant negativity, it truly does start to weigh on you.

 

The important thing I can think to tell you is that you aren't forbidden from making yourself happy. I know first hand that this kind of situation can make you feel like you aren't allowed to focus on improving yourself, but you shouldn't have to be forced to help only other people. You are the most important thing in your life.

 

As for not progressing fast enough: the truth is, you should go at your own pace.

 

In our world, people have become used to going at things quickly and "efficiently" to the point where they don't realize some people aren't equipped for it. You DO know how to be an adult because you are one, it doesn't matter how fast you progress in the "adult world".

 

I won't go on, I don't want to potentially add onto the weight you already feel. I just wanted to see if I can help. Hopefully something in this basket of messy advice does help, but if not I hope something else does.

 

I'm so sorry about all this, genuinely sorry because I understand so much how painful it is.

Thank you <3

 

It helped just to vent, tbh. Should start a journal, but writing makes my hand cramp up.

 

I figure things will get better soon. A lot of my slowness is lack of privacy to make the calls I need to and general fear of doing so (car's been broken down, and medical issues prevent my mom from walking any significant distance and we do not have the income to afford taxis, so I'm currently hoofing it as far as errands and such go - not so bad, I'm getting exercise).

 

A lot of what's been weighing us down and causing a lot of worry is student loans; I've been out of school and they're coming due. Finally managed a call today and got mine put in forbearance so I can file for income-based repayment while I'm unemployed. And they were really nice so that kinda helped ease some of my fears.

 

Just...bleh. Frustration and bad things happened but I guess it can only go up from here? :I I'll muddle through, I always do. <3

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

@Tehultimatemage

 

Being very similar, I don't know I'd be very helpful...but what I do is I just force down the anxiety and deal with it. I tell myself the sooner it's over, the sooner I can get to feeling somewhat less terrified/ashamed of everything. x( Otherwise my tactics have always been to wait until the last terrifying moment to deal with it, that point where I have to or bad things will happen...and it's a bad thing to get there.

 

I really hope things start looking up for you <3

[Moonwick]

@Infinis

 

I don't blame you with the journal thing. I always buy journals because they're so pretty but then I don't ever write anything in them because it hurts to write.

 

Maybe for you, it is better to post things openly on a forum like this - that way you are not putting all of your negative energy into one person - I know that works for me!

 

I hope you make it through. I was glad to have helped even a little bit. :3

 

@TehUltimateMage

 

I find it's hard for me to help with things like this, but I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that you find a solution to your problems. Stay strong!

Edited January 27, 2016 by Silverwinter

[Syiren]

To Sock, Omega Entity, and anyone else,

 

I wanted to post an update regarding my emotional issue. I was still waiting to have the talk with my boyfriend after we had gone to see a movie this weekend, but when I called him last night he decided he couldn't wait and decided to end the relationship himself. Which, although it bothered me, I think it was for the best.

 

Right now my life is so crazy and unpredictable that I can't accurately plan anything without the chance of something coming up to change it. Plus the stress it was putting on me wasn't helping me at all. So, I actually got a lot of stressed lifted off with the news.

 

We decided to still be friends since we've known each other since Middle school and we were always friends first and we still have many things in common.

 

Maybe in the future we may try again when my life isn't as crazy and he's learned to not put s much pressure on something that can't be helped.

 

For now though, I'm okay. And again, I wanted to thank you guys for your advice.

[Obscure_Trash]

I've been having anxiety eat me alive in the past four months. I need to secure a job by next week for my work term credit to count -- in fact, I'm already a special case in that most people started their work at the beginning of January.

 

I've wasted the past three weeks trying to avoid the problem and self-sabotaging myself by not going on the job hunt like I should have and now I'm filled with a sense of everlasting shame that prevents me from replying to the growing pile of unanswered emails from my student advisor. This is no way to act like an adult and I know that this is really immature behavior.

 

Whenever I pull up an email to send to a company to ask (or beg, rather, since I have no prior work experience) I just write a few words before minimizing it, or I stare at it for hours before going to Youtube for the cheap entertainment. All these negative thoughts of "no one's going to hire me on such a short notice" are becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy and all I can do is grovel in my own worthlessness. I have no skills. I'm too stubborn and ashamed to seek help.

 

I saw another email and I think I'm going to throw up.

 

Any advice on getting out of this avoidance rut?

I understand this so badly. It's a super crappy feeling.

 

My advice? Charge right through those feelings and send the darn email, no matter how badly you feel about it. I find that agonizing over doing it feels worse than agonizing over having done it and wondering what the reply will be.

 

You can buy yourself a treat you like (ex. I love Milky Ways) and lock it away until you've sent the email, if that helps motivation. I always find that I really just have to charge through things because otherwise it will be too late. So just do it!

 

I know you can do it. Just getting out there is a success. Even if you don't get the job, at least you've started and put your name out there. That's not failing; that's a huge step.

[Obscure_Trash]

I keep feeling vaguely like crying, and the constant stress and anxiety is giving me nausea.

 

I'm tired of my mom's near-constant complaining. I hate our situation too, but there's nothing I can do to improve it until I get hired somewhere. The negativity and complaints are starting to really get to me because it feels like she's shoving off her insecurities and stuff on me because she keeps venting to me.

 

The big issue with that is that I am not equipped to deal with the emotional problems of others. I have my own anxieties to deal with and overcome. I am not a "social outlet". I am not a conversation partner. Every time she asks me for advice, it's never the advice she wants to hear because I'm a practical and down-to-earth person and I can only offer practical solutions.

 

And of course my life things are not progressing fast enough for her satisfaction. Also she keeps complaining that my brother doesn't talk to her enough, but she doesn't realize (and rejects the premise when it's pointed out to her) that constantly bugging him is only pushing him away. She wants him to be more independent, but she keeps helping him with every last thing. She doesn't want to accept that she is part of the problem.

 

I wish I had an escape. I am feeling nearly constantly upset these days. Between my mom's problems and my brother's problems, I don't know how to deal with my own because I feel like I have to deal with theirs.

 

I am increasingly feeling like I don't know how to adult and I'm pretty damn sure I'm right. :/

 

In a single word, I feel trapped. Really really trapped. I can't talk to my mom about this because she has a history of guilt tripping, like "I can't do anything right can I" crap, and she doesn't understand my social issues well enough to not invalidate them by saying crap like "get over it". ;__;

None of us actually know how to adult right. All we can do is do what we do and hope it works out. <3

 

I hope that you can get out of this 'trap' soon!