Emotional Support

[zorua9]

I just woke up..... to find my dog not well...... we might have to put him down........... he is suffering from a tier or level 5 heart murmur and we have ran out of his meds and his belly feels full.

 

btw its nearly 5am at the time of this post.

[Siliskor]

A nasty fall at work this morning shattered my ankle, leaving me wondering how in the blazes I'm going to juggle a move next month. It doesn't help that I am the sole source of income for my family & have no friends/family in my area. I have had to be the strong one for as long as I can remember, & my newfound incapacitation has made me virtually helpless. Not liking it one bit!!!

[zorua9]

I just woke up..... to find my dog not well...... we might have to put him down........... he is suffering from a tier or level 5 heart murmur and we have ran out of his meds and his belly feels full.

 

btw its nearly 5am at the time of this post.

R.I.P my lovely little lad......

 

My dog is dead, and my heart broken, left in pieces, shattered, bent and broken.

 

I love you, sleep forever my dear friend.

[AnanoKimi]

R.I.P my lovely little lad......

 

My dog is dead, and my heart broken, left in pieces, shattered, bent and broken.

 

I love you, sleep forever my dear friend.

My condolences to your lost furbaby. They are wondeful companions, loyal family, and more than we could ever hope to have thats good in life. May your heart not ache long for your friend is in a better place free of pain and suffering and may you two meet again on the other side of Rainbow Bridge. My heart goes out to you dear and hope thing look up.

 

A nasty fall at work this morning shattered my ankle, leaving me wondering how in the blazes I'm going to juggle a move next month. It doesn't help that I am the sole source of income for my family & have no friends/family in my area. I have had to be the strong one for as long as I can remember, & my newfound incapacitation has made me virtually helpless. Not liking it one bit!!!

Its not easy but I know you will be able to manage. Please take care of your self though, see if you can hire some movers instead or have your family ask some of their friends to help you. Its not fun to have to depend on others but it is necessary from time to time. Hopefully your job understands as well and they give you the time to heal. Did you hurt it at work? If so I hope you get workers comp. If not I still say take it easy and let it heal. No reason to leave your self with a bad ankle and hurt your self further in the long run.

[Ribombee]

I'm having really mixed emotions right now. My advisor just came to me and said he thinks I have enough data for my masters even without the gene clone data I've been fighting to get for months. If so, that means I would be putting together my masters thesis defense. He also thinks I should focus my subsequent PhD on either bioinformatics (computer programming meets biology) or population genetics, both of which would mean learning brand new skillsets.

 

Now, I'm not against either one, and actually I am pretty excited about either option. It would be a ton of work and a ton more brain-bending knowledge to stuff into my mind. I guess I am just really nervous about the change. I'm also a serious over-achiever, so I feel like it's not enough. I feel as though I should have way more for my masters.

 

I'm super nervous, equally excited both to be moving toward the end stages of my masters and to what could be a really awesome PhD project, and pretty terrified at the prospect of being so close to defending.

 

I know it's all good, and I am sure I will do fine. It's just one of those sudden, hit me in the gut moments. I wasn't expecting it at all right now.

[JavaTigress]

I'm having really mixed emotions right now. My advisor just came to me and said he thinks I have enough data for my masters even without the gene clone data I've been fighting to get for months. If so, that means I would be putting together my masters thesis defense. He also thinks I should focus my subsequent PhD on either bioinformatics (computer programming meets biology) or population genetics, both of which would mean learning brand new skillsets.

 

Now, I'm not against either one, and actually I am pretty excited about either option. It would be a ton of work and a ton more brain-bending knowledge to stuff into my mind. I guess I am just really nervous about the change. I'm also a serious over-achiever, so I feel like it's not enough. I feel as though I should have way more for my masters.

 

I'm super nervous, equally excited both to be moving toward the end stages of my masters and to what could be a really awesome PhD project, and pretty terrified at the prospect of being so close to defending.

 

I know it's all good, and I am sure I will do fine. It's just one of those sudden, hit me in the gut moments. I wasn't expecting it at all right now.

I would say that IF your adviser thinks you are ready, you probably are. Remember that ths person is probably trained to make sure you have everything you need for this. I know what it is like to feel like what you have got/done isn't enough, but seeing as he is trained to KNOW whether you know what you need to know and done what you ahve to do... I'd say trust him on it. Just my advice... for whatever it is worth.

Edited June 30, 2015 by Silverswift

[AngesRadieux]

I'm incredibly stressed out. Usually, stress comes from school and family, but there's some facet of my life that I feel alright about that helps balance things out. Not the case right now.

 

Work is becoming a nightmare. I love my job. But there's been so much drama, and I'm just caught up in it and it won't stop. One teacher left for two months. Fine! Whatever. He wanted to bring in a replacement for himself who would leave when he came back so he can just take all his students back and not lose anyone. Again. Fine. Whatever. As long as the manager doesn't care it shouldn't have impacted me in any way, shape or form. So fine. Except, instead of behaving like a reasonable person and finding a replacement who could teach all the instruments he teaches, he found two replacements who combined teach everything he did. That doesn't work. On days when he taught, during the majority of the day all the rooms available to teach in were full. So having two teachers there instead of one doesn't work.

 

Well, on the first day of this nonsense, I get to work and find that my room is the one that had been commandeered by the extra teacher. I had to wait for someone else to leave and take their room once they were finished with it. That was infuriating enough. I had students complain about the new room. Me being pushed out of my room also reflects badly on me because it implies that I'm at the bottom of the pecking order even though I've been there for four years. The next week, it got worse. One of the new teachers decided to just change all her students' times without asking anyone if it was okay. So she wasn't leaving her room in time and it came really close to me just not having a place to teach when my first student arrived. It just so happened that the other new teacher had a break during my first lesson and by the time her break ended the one who moved her students was gone. But that leaves me in a very precarious situation, because if she moves someone, schedules a make-up, gets a new student, etc. I'm just out of luck. So things kind of work right now, but only so long as everyone's schedule stays exactly as it is and nothing changes. Which is super likely. Especially in the summer, when everyone is going on vacation and asking for make-ups for when they were away.

 

Monday it happened again. The schedule clearly states this new teacher is meant to be finished with the room at 7:00, and that I'm supposed to start at 7:00 and take over the room. My schedule is submitted every month, and every month I pay rent for the filled slots. So I'm paying to know that I have a room to teach in on the specified days at the specified times. This person decided to just shift a bunch of students. I arrived at 7:00. I asked her if she was done with the room, she gave me a nasty look and said she wouldn't be done until 8:30. So I was left with my student standing there, watching me scramble to find a room to teach in.

 

To make matters worse, both of these new teachers come from a school I attended for a while. My time there ended on an incredibly bad note. So much so that in the aftermath I struggled with depression, anxiety, and showed symptoms of post traumatic stress. Still, years later I have nightmares about that place. I'm no longer on medication, but the depression and anxiety still do get to me sometimes. And though this isn't their fault and this was my issue to deal with, the fact that they came from that school brought back all kinds of memories and negative feelings. It would still have been difficult, but I could have dealt with it if their presence didn't have any impact on me. But being displaced and left in this awful limbo where I go to work sometimes not knowing if I'm actually going to have a place to teach or not because of people from this particular school, which has already messed me up royally makes the situation even more intolerable.

 

School is awful. My summer class started. I knew it would be difficult because the class is cross-listed as a graduate and undergraduate class. But I spoke to the professor and she said they usually have a good mix and everything would be fine. It's not. I'm the only undergraduate in the class. Everyone else in the class is a French teacher. Meanwhile, it hasn't even been three years since my first French class. Most of them have been teaching longer than I've known how to count and say the alphabet. One person's been a teacher for nineteen years. I'm so far behind everyone. I'm incredibly nervous and anxious in class, I feel really self-conscious whenever the professor calls on me to talk. And I'm having a hard time keeping up with the pace of the class. We're supposed to read a novel and watch a movie each week, plus there's a paper and a research assignment due each week, and we have to correct another student's paper. I read well enough in French, in that I understand it. But I'm not a fast reader. A novel a week is a stretch even without all the other work. And while watching a movie isn't difficult, exactly, it's time consuming. It's a good two hours I have to find to set aside. The professor has told me several times not to worry and that I'll be okay, but I'm majorly stressing.

 

Especially because I'm meant to be researching for my thesis and I have a project for another professor at the same time, and they've both been neglected. I feel like I'm just drowning under a massive pile of work and I can't pull myself back up and catch up.

 

My family's also making me crazy. I don't think anyone realizes that I'm not feeling all that great right now. Some friends wanted to do a day trip and sleepover this weekend with my sister and I. I told my sister I didn't know if I could. Which is true. The paper for my class is due online each week on Saturday, and the comments on another student's paper are due by noon on Sundays. In theory, I could get work done in advance. But getting the commentary done early is only doable if the person whose paper I'm supposed to read posts their assignment early, which isn't a definite thing. My sister ripped my head off and told me off because our one friend is going to be going to medical school soon, so this is one of the last times everyone will have time to hang out. Which is a valid point. But I don't know if I'll actually have the time for it. But apparently not having time is a valid excuse for everyone except me. I mean, Heaven forbid I even mention going out to my sister when she gets home from work. I get ripped into about how she's tired and she had a long day and she doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything. And on the days I don't have class, in theory I'm meant to be doing homework. But my mom doesn't seem to understand that. She sees me on my tablet or on the computer and assumes I'm just goofing off or surfing the Internet even though I'm actually trying to get my reading done and starts asking me to run errands for her. I can't tell her I don't have time, because she'll just get mad at me. But today she sent me out to pick up a prescription for the dog and I broke down crying in the car on the way there because I was incredibly stressed, I felt like I didn't have time, and on the way out the door I got a list of "And I also want you to do X, and check Y for me, etc." Meanwhile, my mom doesn't work. She didn't have any appointments today. She was up and dressed when she asked me to go run errands. So why did I have to do it? Why couldn't she go to the vet? I ended up taking my tablet to the mall and reading there to avoid further interruptions. When I try to talk to anyone about work or class, I kind of just get brushed off and no one seems to understand that I'm really bothered by everything. I commented that I'm the only undergraduate and the general response was "Well, it's a really small class, anyway, so it's not important". But because it's a small class, it's discussion based. Participation is mandatory and I can't just hide and be anonymous in the corner of a lecture hall, so that makes it worse. I've had people say it'll just be a good challenge. But it's not. Instead of feeling like I'm just stretching my limits a little bit, I feel like I'm just completely in over my head. I tried talking to my sister about the room situation at work, because she rants at me all the time about people who drive her crazy at work. She flat out told me it didn't matter. Also, it sounds like my friends' day trip/sleep-over/whatever will span from Saturday into Sunday. Which on top of causing problems with my assignments' due dates would also interfere with me going to church. I didn't go this past weekend because I was being paid to sing at another church. I don't want to miss service at my church two weeks in a row. I'm comfortable there. It helps me calm down and clear my head for a little while. I have friends there and people who will listen when I tell them I'm stressed out instead of acting like whatever I'm struggling with is no big deal. But I know I'll get crap from my sister if our friends do want to do something on Sunday and I leave because I want to go to church. And it would be awkward if they spend the night Saturday and are hanging around Sunday expecting to spend the day together and I just up and leave. One of my friends is religious and understands going to church. But my sister doesn't go to church and wants nothing to do with it, and our other friend is rather against religion in general, so they definitely wouldn't get it.

 

My eating habits are atrocious. I'm torn between being really hungry because I haven't been eating reasonably, but simultaneously just not wanting to eat. Usually when I do eat, it's crap, either because I'm eating fast food between running between school and work or because I'm in this weird state of being hungry but having no appetite, so I can't motivate myself to actually make anything and I just eat whatever's quick, easy, and requires no cooking (i.e junk food). I'm so bothered by everything I make myself stay up until I'm exhausted and just want to pass out in bed, because if I try to go to bed before I reach that point I just lay there thinking about everything I didn't accomplish and how much more productive I should have been, and how everything isn't going to get done in time. I've started crying at least three times in the last week.

 

I'm just generally not coping well. And either no one in my family realizes it and I can't talk about it because they don't take any of it seriously. It may seem like stupid, unimportant things, but I can't change the fact that it's wreaking havoc on me emotionally. If I could just stop being anxious and overwhelmed and stressed, I would. But I can't. I feel like my life's imploding and everything's a disaster.

[Ribombee]

I would say that IF your adviser thinks you are ready, you probably are. Remember that ths person is probably trained to make sure you have everything you need for this. I know what it is like to feel like what you have got/done isn't enough, but seeing as he is trained to KNOW whether you know what you need to know and done what you ahve to do... I'd say trust him on it. Just my advice... for whatever it is worth.

Yeah, I am sure he is right. I just have a really hard time seeing it. I talked to my other advisor today, and he really helped me figure out my focus and get some ideas to move forward. He says I have TOO much data and need to pare it down to be within the scope of a masters. I still have work to do. I need to learn some statistical programs and take things a different direction than what I had originally intended (yay science and data not being nice and going exactly as you planned...), but at least I feel less totally overwhelmed.

 

I also had my riding lesson today, and I had a bit of a challenge getting my horse to not just plant her feet and refuse to budge. She tends to do that sometimes. I am actually glad she was having a cranky day, because it gave me a totally unrelated challenge to focus on and work through. Just having that small victory really boosted my overall mood.

[Starscream]

I just got sacked - read my restaurant thread. It is because I spoke up about the food being mishandled and bad. I could use a hug, but off I go looking again. I really suck at being a placid pushover. I speak my mind and do what is right - honest people can get burned.

[RecycledHeart]

I just got sacked - read my restaurant thread. It is because I spoke up about the food being mishandled and bad. I could use a hug, but off I go looking again. I really suck at being a placid pushover. I speak my mind and do what is right - honest people can get burned.

Star if the food was being mishandled like that then I would go tell a health inspector. You were being a good person and doing the right thing. I applaud you. They don't realize just what they lost by firing you.

 

You'll be able to find a job in no time. A strong independent woman like you? Yes it might be difficult in male dominated workplaces but in time people will come to realize just what a hard, dedicated worker you are.

[Starscream]

I have contacted the city health inspectors and gave them what I felt was wrong, that I was sacked. I won't be silenced.

[RecycledHeart]

I have contacted the city health inspectors and gave them what I felt was wrong, that I was sacked. I won't be silenced.

Good. I know its not exactly nice but I hope that place gets shut down.

[georgexu94]

RecycledHeart: That's the worst that's going to happen to them. I imagine the place gets a cleaning period as well as change in the handling of food. I won't be harsh. If I got the power, I won't immediately curse the place with a shutdown. The suspension is enough punishment- it'll deive the revenue down enough for them to learn.

 

Also, Starscream, you're awesome.

[Starscream]

Hope to see them clean up their act at least.

Nervous as hell, but the health inspectors have been assigned the problem.

Edited July 3, 2015 by Starscream

[Jet Raptor]

I've been having this problem for I think as long as I can remember, but it has definitely gotten worse recently. I love to draw. However, I cannot draw if someone is watching me. I don't know why. My problem is that I feel like someone is always watching me but not irl. I'm not sure how to explain it. Like, I know for a fact no one in the house is watching me because, well, I can physically see them or I know where they are. It's physically impossible for them to be watching me. The people I feel are watching me range from people I went to school with, old teachers, people I know online I've never met irl, some people I've never even spoken to before. It gets so bad that I have to minimize whatever I'm drawing and sit or do something else for a few seconds to a few minutes. This post is a result of that. I pulled up some doodles I was working on yesterday, felt like someone was watching me, minimized it, and proceeded to type this post.

It's ridiculous. I know it's physically impossible for anyone to be watching me, but it's like they're in my mindspace or something. Like someone is standing behind me watching. But they're not. There's no one there. I know that, I just can't help it. It's getting disruptive.

I can try to answer questions if anyone has any to try to figure out what the flippin' mudkipz is wrong with me. I had other things I've been wanting to post here, but I can't remember what they are. Once they come around again, I'll try to post here.

 

Also good luck to you, Starscream. <3

 

EDIT:

Just remembered:

When I'm physically close to people, like riding in a car with them or sitting at a table with them, I have this irrational fear that they're reading my mind. I hate it. I'll be thinking about things, then try to redirect my train of thought because I think they can "hear" me. Every time, though, I tell myself it's impossible. I just can't shake the feeling.

I need hugs. Or something. Anyone have any ice cream? Q-Q

 

*killed the thread*

 

EDITEDIT:

Feel free to overlook this post. I just needed to say something about it. I've never said anything about this to anyone before. Thank you to anyone who read it, even if you didn't respond. Just as long as someone knows.

 

TL:DR

Hi, I'm sad and confused and need hugs.

Edited July 6, 2015 by Ali'i Makani Pahili

[PixelShark]

I've been having this problem for I think as long as I can remember, but it has definitely gotten worse recently. I love to draw. However, I cannot draw if someone is watching me. I don't know why. My problem is that I feel like someone is always watching me but not irl. I'm not sure how to explain it. Like, I know for a fact no one in the house is watching me because, well, I can physically see them or I know where they are. It's physically impossible for them to be watching me. The people I feel are watching me range from people I went to school with, old teachers, people I know online I've never met irl, some people I've never even spoken to before. It gets so bad that I have to minimize whatever I'm drawing and sit or do something else for a few seconds to a few minutes. This post is a result of that. I pulled up some doodles I was working on yesterday, felt like someone was watching me, minimized it, and proceeded to type this post.

It's ridiculous. I know it's physically impossible for anyone to be watching me, but it's like they're in my mindspace or something. Like someone is standing behind me watching. But they're not. There's no one there. I know that, I just can't help it. It's getting disruptive.

I can try to answer questions if anyone has any to try to figure out what the flippin' mudkipz is wrong with me. I had other things I've been wanting to post here, but I can't remember what they are. Once they come around again, I'll try to post here.

 

Also good luck to you, Starscream. <3

 

EDIT:

Just remembered:

When I'm physically close to people, like riding in a car with them or sitting at a table with them, I have this irrational fear that they're reading my mind. I hate it. I'll be thinking about things, then try to redirect my train of thought because I think they can "hear" me. Every time, though, I tell myself it's impossible. I just can't shake the feeling.

I need hugs. Or something. Anyone have any ice cream? Q-Q

 

*killed the thread*

 

EDITEDIT:

Feel free to overlook this post. I just needed to say something about it. I've never said anything about this to anyone before. Thank you to anyone who read it, even if you didn't respond. Just as long as someone knows.

 

TL:DR

Hi, I'm sad and confused and need hugs.

*Offers the least-awkward hug she possibly can.*

 

 

You might not believe me, but everything you're saying about the drawing thing is totally normal. For example--and I know this isn't the same problem I have as yours--I do a lot of RP/Roleplay on an MMORPG. But if someone in my house walks by, goes up the stairs which the computer is in front of, or so much as glances at my monitor, I move my body in front of the chat box or minimize the window entirely. It feels like someone is invading my thoughts, able to see the deepest most sensitive parts of me.

 

And when I sit next to people I hardly know, I'm increasingly self-conscious. I don't exactly feel they can read my thoughts, but I feel they're always watching me to see what I do. And that they will start to question me...

 

Anyway, I have something better than ice cream. I have a milkshake maker in my house! *Gives you a chocolate milkshake*

[herobrine745]

I've been having this problem for I think as long as I can remember, but it has definitely gotten worse recently. I love to draw. However, I cannot draw if someone is watching me. I don't know why. My problem is that I feel like someone is always watching me but not irl. I'm not sure how to explain it. Like, I know for a fact no one in the house is watching me because, well, I can physically see them or I know where they are. It's physically impossible for them to be watching me. The people I feel are watching me range from people I went to school with, old teachers, people I know online I've never met irl, some people I've never even spoken to before. It gets so bad that I have to minimize whatever I'm drawing and sit or do something else for a few seconds to a few minutes. This post is a result of that. I pulled up some doodles I was working on yesterday, felt like someone was watching me, minimized it, and proceeded to type this post.

It's ridiculous. I know it's physically impossible for anyone to be watching me, but it's like they're in my mindspace or something. Like someone is standing behind me watching. But they're not. There's no one there. I know that, I just can't help it. It's getting disruptive.

I can try to answer questions if anyone has any to try to figure out what the flippin' mudkipz is wrong with me. I had other things I've been wanting to post here, but I can't remember what they are. Once they come around again, I'll try to post here.

 

Also good luck to you, Starscream. <3

 

EDIT:

Just remembered:

When I'm physically close to people, like riding in a car with them or sitting at a table with them, I have this irrational fear that they're reading my mind. I hate it. I'll be thinking about things, then try to redirect my train of thought because I think they can "hear" me. Every time, though, I tell myself it's impossible. I just can't shake the feeling.

I need hugs. Or something. Anyone have any ice cream? Q-Q

 

*killed the thread*

 

EDITEDIT:

Feel free to overlook this post. I just needed to say something about it. I've never said anything about this to anyone before. Thank you to anyone who read it, even if you didn't respond. Just as long as someone knows.

 

TL:DR

Hi, I'm sad and confused and need hugs.

//hugs

 

I know there's something called the fear of being watched, which is where you feel like you're always being watched, even when you know you're not. I'm sorry :c

[Thuban]

Ali'i Makani Pahili:

 

Does your fear carry over to windows, by any chance? Do you find yourself checking the ceilings in new surroundings for potential cameras and other surveillance? I could tell some hilarious stories about how bad it was for me, but this isnt really the place. What I can tell you, is that there are ways to get past it.

 

Sometimes, distraction can be the best way to get through those. Please note, I didnt say /over/, just through.

 

Some of the more simple things I have picked up over the years involve spending small amounts of money, but for piece of mind, its worth it. One of my quirks involved windows. I don't care how well covered a window is, if I can see out, someone could see in. Logically, nobody is going to work that hard to see in the tiny little slit of light on the edges of my blinds or curtains, but that doesnt erase the nagging voice that says they can. If your fears run along that line, see about getting some of the stick on frosting stuff for your windows. You can also simply put bubble wrap on the glass, which diffuses light without blocking it, and gives a bit more of a private feel. My daughter gets nervous about the tree outside of her window, so I handed her a pack of window markers and encouraged her to make it look like stained glass.

 

If you are having a hard time in public, dark sunglasses and headphones go a long way. So does just sitting down with a book that looks like it might be for school. Most people just assume you are doing homework, if they see a big book, or several books. The more you look like you are concentrating, generally, the less people will want to talk to you or interfere.

 

I dont like drawing in front of people either. I usually work in spiral notebooks, and keep one page free to quickly cover my art up. If you look in any of my notebooks, there is always a page of writing, and a page of art, that alternates.

 

Something you can do to actively help yourself, is to try to find your trigger. When you are noticing that feeling creeping up on you, scan your surroundings. Who is there, where are you, whats in your immediate area... are there storms in the area? How about a lot of electronics? Learning to take note of those things will help you start narrowing it down, so you can learn to avoid. I have a difficult time when surrounded by a lot of electrical things. Old fuse boxes, huge sound systems.. all will cause those initial "panic" alarms for me. (EMF sensitivity if you need a term to google).

 

Good luck. It takes time, but you'll find a way to deal, and distract yourself as needed. In the mean time, just remember to breathe, and relax however you can

[Jet Raptor]

It feels like someone is invading my thoughts, able to see the deepest most sensitive parts of me.

This. This is definitely a hugs part of it. My drawings, even the sloppiest, smallest doodle in the corner of the page, are like pages in my most private journal. I used to draw more traditionally, but I fear someone will find them and look at them. Now I do a vast majority of my drawings digitally.

Does your fear carry over to windows, by any chance? Do you find yourself checking the ceilings in new surroundings for potential cameras and other surveillance? I could tell some hilarious stories about how bad it was for me, but this isnt really the place. What I can tell you, is that there are ways to get past it.

In my room where my desktop is, I keep the curtains closed. The glass isn't clear glass to begin with, but I still feel like people can watch through them. I used to live in a two-story house on the second floor. It was a lot easier to deal with there. I don't like being on the first floor.

Where I sit now, I've placed myself back to the wall, wall to my left, half-wall to my right. It's the best place I could find. The only problem I have with it is the half-wall to my right. That's where the front door is as well as some windows. When someone moves towards the front door or to a window, even if they're across the room, I need to minimize/swap windows.

I've never really thought of surveillance cameras, but my eyes do tend to dart around the area, ceiling and corners included. Might be related, but whenever I enter an unfamiliar place I immediately scan the entire area. I've gotten looks from people in shops before. I typically wear jeans, a t-shirt, a hoodie, and occasionally a hat and/or shades. And I almost always have earbuds in. Probably think I'm going to try to steal something from them. |D

Sometimes, distraction can be the best way to get through those. Please note, I didnt say /over/, just through.

When I'm home alone, I still feel people watching me, but it is definitely a lot easier for me to distract myself. When there's no one here, I play my music out loud and sing along horribly and talk to myself out loud. Once I get past the initial "ok, no one's here, we can focus" thing, I can get lost in the art. I lose track of time, sometimes forget to eat, it's such a good feeling. The feeling of being watched still sneaks up on me sometimes and throws off everything I'm doing. Then the cycle repeats.

I really wish I could live alone. It would probably help.

If you are having a hard time in public, dark sunglasses and headphones go a long way. So does just sitting down with a book that looks like it might be for school. Most people just assume you are doing homework, if they see a big book, or several books. The more you look like you are concentrating, generally, the less people will want to talk to you or interfere.

I need to get a better pair of sunglasses. I wear hats pretty often nowadays. They help somehow. Like I mentioned above, almost always have the earbuds in. People tend to avoid talking to me anyway. It's just knowing they're there that makes me nervous. Knowing that it's possible for them to just walk over and look if I'm not paying attention. I always listen to my music quietly enough so that I can still hear my surroundings well. Sometimes I wish my ipod volume could go lower.

Something you can do to actively help yourself, is to try to find your trigger. When you are noticing that feeling creeping up on you, scan your surroundings. Who is there, where are you, whats in your immediate area... are there storms in the area? How about a lot of electronics? Learning to take note of those things will help you start narrowing it down, so you can learn to avoid. I have a difficult time when surrounded by a lot of electrical things. Old fuse boxes, huge sound systems.. all will cause those initial "panic" alarms for me. (EMF sensitivity if you need a term to google).

No idea why I didn't think of this earlier. I've just opened up a new text file and I'm keeping track of time, how long it lasts, who's in the house, who's visible, sounds I hear, what drawing I have open (because some definitely bring the feeling up faster than others), and whether or not the feeling was enough for me to minimize it. The text file already has an entry. -.-

I've heard of EMF sensitivity. I'll have to look more into it.

 

Thank you for the responses, everyone. It really does mean a lot to me. You guys are more supportive than my own family. That's why I never tell them anything any more.

[Paintra]

Hi, I'm starting this out by mentioning that I have Psychosis. I hallucinate vividly, and act "abnormally." I also have avpd, or Avoidance Personality Disorder, so if I get a single person telling me "oh come on, it's not that hard to talk to people," i will throw a rock at your face with the message "you know nothing about my mental illness." Attatched. Thank you.

 

I'm at my best friend's home halfway across the country, visiting her for five weeks, away from my life jacket, aka my Dad. He understands me. My father understands the way that I act, and a lot more about me than anyone else does.

 

I'm editing because I felt having the whole story made me uncomfortable. Basically, i got overwhelmed and started crying. Nothing too important.

Edited July 7, 2015 by Darkstorm34

[AnanoKimi]

Hi, I'm starting this out by mentioning that I have Psychosis. I hallucinate vividly, and act "abnormally." I also have avpd, or Avoidance Personality Disorder, so if I get a single person telling me "oh come on, it's not that hard to talk to people," i will throw a rock at your face with the message "you know nothing about my mental illness." Attatched. Thank you.

 

I'm at my best friend's home halfway across the country, visiting her for five weeks, away from my life jacket, aka my Dad. He understands me. My father understands the way that I act, and a lot more about me than anyone else does.

 

I'm editing because I felt having the whole story made me uncomfortable. Basically, i got overwhelmed and started crying. Nothing too important.

Well if it bothered you then it is important and though it may not be easy to talk about it please know that this is a safe place to talk about things that bother others and that all of us here care. I hope that whatever bothered you in the first place was resolved and that you got some lov and comfort to help with that.

[Ursa]

Hi everyone.

So I have anxiety and I've been feeling depressed lately (when I go off to college I am going to start seeing a therapist so don't worry). I really need to vent out my frustrations and I had a rough night. I'm having anxiety just posting about this. I've never told anyone before.

 

I'm a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, who lives in the northeast and I'm in California. We've been together for a year and it's a really good relationship. Together, we're a perfect combination, our personalities don't clash, we both work well and we love each other. The issue is we've been having problems because we're both depressed. Lately though, he's been feeling more off than usual, so I asked him about it and asked him if there was anything I could do to help him. It ended up into a long conversation where we both ended up crying. He was trying to explain, and said something wrong. He was too tired to realize it and I got upset. The way it came off was just that he didn't feel we actually had a strong connection. At the start of our relationship, that was all he talked about. How happy he was to be able to actually trust and be with someone who cares for him the way I do.

My anxiety made everything worse, so I panicked. It makes me even worse when he starts to tell me just to leave him. I can't stand it when he says that. It makes me feel like he isn't trying, but I know he is. He told me this morning, he'd be a wreck and wouldn't be able to handle some personal issues (that have also caused me to become upset in our relationship) if I left him. He's never said that before. He's always told me that I shouldn't be upset if we split. I clearly have some sort of separation anxiety stemming from having moved over 40 times in my life and I'm not even 20 yet. I had a hard time keeping friends. I would try to keep in touch but it was always one-sided. I get worried a lot that everyone is going to leave me. This issue threw me into a depression last year that was so serious I should've gotten help for it. My boyfriend was there to help me (we weren't dating at the time) and I got through it.

 

I need some advice for anyone who has anxiety. I just want to be able to help him without having an anxiety attack all the time. What do you guys do to calm down? Not just from an anxiety attack, but from anxiety in general too?

 

Thank you so much. I'm sorry if it's a bit long and scattered. It's hard to think right now.

[PixelShark]

Hi everyone.

So I have anxiety and I've been feeling depressed lately (when I go off to college I am going to start seeing a therapist so don't worry). I really need to vent out my frustrations and I had a rough night. I'm having anxiety just posting about this. I've never told anyone before. 

 

I'm a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, who lives in the northeast and I'm in California. We've been together for a year and it's a really good relationship. Together, we're a perfect combination, our personalities don't clash, we both work well and we love each other. The issue is we've been having problems because we're both depressed. Lately though, he's been feeling more off than usual, so I asked him about it and asked him if there was anything I could do to help him. It ended up into a long conversation where we both ended up crying. He was trying to explain, and said something wrong. He was too tired to realize it and I got upset. The way it came off was just that he didn't feel we actually had a strong connection. At the start of our relationship, that was all he talked about. How happy he was to be able to actually trust and be with someone who cares for him the way I do.

My anxiety made everything worse, so I panicked. It makes me even worse when he starts to tell me just to leave him. I can't stand it when he says that. It makes me feel like he isn't trying, but I know he is. He told me this morning, he'd be a wreck and wouldn't be able to handle some personal issues (that have also caused me to become upset in our relationship) if I left him. He's never said that before. He's always told me that I shouldn't be upset if we split. I clearly have some sort of separation anxiety stemming from having moved over 40 times in my life and I'm not even 20 yet. I had a hard time keeping friends. I would try to keep in touch but it was always one-sided. I get worried a lot that everyone is going to leave me. This issue threw me into a depression last year that was so serious I should've gotten help for it. My boyfriend was there to help me (we weren't dating at the time) and I got through it.

 

I need some advice for anyone who has anxiety. I just want to be able to help him without having an anxiety attack all the time. What do you guys do to calm down? Not just from an anxiety attack, but from anxiety in general too?

 

Thank you so much. I'm sorry if it's a bit long and scattered. It's hard to think right now.

I have a mild clinical depression which stems from my SAD--Social Anxiety Disorder/Social Phobia. The way I take care of my panic attacks is that I go sit down and talk to someone I trust the most, even if I break down crying just from saying "umm" to start a sentence with them. It's embarrassing (for me personally), but in the end, it's worth it. Plus that person you trust really does love and care about you and will not judge you for your words.

 

I also do deep breathing--in through the nose, out through the mouth, gently. Count to three, or five, in your head. For me, I have to do this repeatedly before I begin to feel results (it helps nausea, too). Give yourself gentle thoughts best you can, and realize that, yes, you are having a panic attack. But you should also tell yourself that it will pass. Remind yourself as you breathe out that you are okay. And really feel yourself exhaling; notice how your muscles relax the more you do it.

 

A third thing I try my best to do is "look outside of the box." Realize that this pain won't be here forever, and that it will go away. Usually, at the peak of a problem, you can tell you are there because you wonder "is this it?" or "is this really going to end?" or "what happens from here? Is this the breaking point?" It's terrifying--just two nights ago I was at a said breaking point which could have changed everything between me and my best friend. Thankfully, everything simmered down. Most of the time, good will result from the breaking point; it's been rare for me to encounter a bad outcome. So keep that in mind.

 

Fourth, go on a walk or do some exercise when you feel anxious. I personally like to grab my music player and hop on the trampoline in my backyard until I'm drenched in sweat. Exercise releases endorphines (so my counselor says, and I believe her), and these make you feel happier. Plus, exercise is always healthy for your body. A healthy body means a healthy mind!

 

Lastly, I just want to give you some words of encouragement. I know nothing about you and your boyfriend aside from this post. I'm wondering, however, if maybe he said what he did because he wanted to remind you that he needs you, and maybe that was his own way of trying to say he's sorry/trying to make up for what he said/trying to find the right thing to say, when he's going through this tough time. Also, I get along best with guys--my two best friends, and really my only best friends I stay in touch with and fully trust, are guys. And they both are challenged in their own ways (keeping their challenges confidential out of respect for them). But they can get so stubborn. They also say things they don't mean OR they can't express properly through words. I'm pretty sure this goes for a lot of people, guys especially. I'm sure that you will find a way to get through with your boyfriend if you really love him. And if he loves you, too, then he will overcome this mess he's in to provide for you.

 

 

PM me if you need some support,

~ Pixel

[AnanoKimi]

Hi everyone.

So I have anxiety and I've been feeling depressed lately (when I go off to college I am going to start seeing a therapist so don't worry). I really need to vent out my frustrations and I had a rough night. I'm having anxiety just posting about this. I've never told anyone before.

 

I'm a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, who lives in the northeast and I'm in California. We've been together for a year and it's a really good relationship. Together, we're a perfect combination, our personalities don't clash, we both work well and we love each other. The issue is we've been having problems because we're both depressed. Lately though, he's been feeling more off than usual, so I asked him about it and asked him if there was anything I could do to help him. It ended up into a long conversation where we both ended up crying. He was trying to explain, and said something wrong. He was too tired to realize it and I got upset. The way it came off was just that he didn't feel we actually had a strong connection. At the start of our relationship, that was all he talked about. How happy he was to be able to actually trust and be with someone who cares for him the way I do.

My anxiety made everything worse, so I panicked. It makes me even worse when he starts to tell me just to leave him. I can't stand it when he says that. It makes me feel like he isn't trying, but I know he is. He told me this morning, he'd be a wreck and wouldn't be able to handle some personal issues (that have also caused me to become upset in our relationship) if I left him. He's never said that before. He's always told me that I shouldn't be upset if we split. I clearly have some sort of separation anxiety stemming from having moved over 40 times in my life and I'm not even 20 yet. I had a hard time keeping friends. I would try to keep in touch but it was always one-sided. I get worried a lot that everyone is going to leave me. This issue threw me into a depression last year that was so serious I should've gotten help for it. My boyfriend was there to help me (we weren't dating at the time) and I got through it.

 

I need some advice for anyone who has anxiety. I just want to be able to help him without having an anxiety attack all the time. What do you guys do to calm down? Not just from an anxiety attack, but from anxiety in general too?

 

Thank you so much. I'm sorry if it's a bit long and scattered. It's hard to think right now.

Having an LDR is difficult. There is no way to physically show that you feel affection or love for that person. When there are emotial troubles, it makes it difficult to really be as into the issue due to lack of body language and such. I've been in an LDR for 2 years, I've managed tosee him about 3-4 times which I feel lucky but it doesnt entirely make things better.

 

Me and my boyfriend both suffer from depression though we both do our best to move past it every chance we get. There are moments where he gets insecure and worried, anxious, and its hard to comfort him. The best thing to do is to try and patiently talk things out. Talking is always key in an LDR. Being able to talk about the good or bad.

 

Try to take the situation calmly (easier said than done) and try to be logical. Do your best to not take everything said and done as a personal attack or comment. It will allow you to view the situation as a whole rather than as an issue solely based on you. Try to learn what exactly is bothering him, what triggers his anxiety/stress and try to find ways to help him through it (talk about each other's day, read funny articles together, sing to him, etc.). When he is a bit calmer try to talk about the issues at hand so that way he can be more focused and articulated. If that doesnt help, suggest a nap, suggest he take a nice relaxing shower, something that will help him think a bit clearer when trying to express what is really wrong.

 

Finally you need to do the same. While hes relaxing, you relax. Don't think of the issue as your fault but as something you both need to work through. Breathe and try to keep in mind that you are in it together and even if it may be something you're doing that there are always was to work through an issue. Don't over think the situation and try to keep a clear mind. If you over think things and get anxious, you will make the issue worse and then one or both of you will feel guilty about making the situation worse (kind of like now).

 

Dealing with love at a distance is not easy but if you do your best to try and stay level headed then you will be the beast ear to listen when he needs it. I'm sure he is also more than happy to listen to you and help (by evidence of your quip about being depressed about not being able to keep in contact with friends) so don't underestimate him and don't underestimate your self. Remember that a relationship is about sharing the problem and working through it together as best as possible.

[Ursa]

Thank you so much. I was getting really anxious that I wouldn't get a response.

 

Thank you for your words, Pixel and AnanoKimi. <3

 

Pixel, do you ever just feel really anxious for an entire day? Like I'll tell myself things that obviously aren't true. I get scared and I want to try to protect myself from the pain IF these things really were true. But they really aren't. It takes me long time to realize that I'm freaking out and being ridiculous. I need to try to figure a way for me to realize it sooner.

Exercise is really good! We used to exercise together via Skype and we were in such a better mood. We were eating healthy and we were doing fantastic. We didn't have any issues like this until recently. I'm trying so hard to get him to get back into exercising with me.

Thank you for your response.

 

Anano, they are really hard! I've seen him 3 times over this past year and I'll be moving in with him in less than three weeks. It's nerve wracking. This is also the first relationship I've ever been in too. I'm sorry that you're in pain and feeling depressed. Do you handle depression well on your own or do you need to talk over it with him? It's unfortunate for us because he doesn't want to talk anything over with me. I feel kind of left out in a way, because some of his issues pertain to relationships in general. I can't imagine how you guys feel. I think we would have a very hard time lasting two years in a LDR if I wasn't starting therapy. Thank you! I need to remember to relax when he's relaxing.

 

And if anyone needs help, feel free to PM. It makes me sad knowing others are in pain or aren't feeling well.

 

I really do appreciate the responses. It makes me feel a lot better talking about it.