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I'm getting married in June. I'm excited, but also a little scared. I'm scared he'll find someone better and not be with me anymore.

 

I know he loves me. But I'm deeply insecure. I get emotional over the littlest comment he makes about other women. It irks me and ticks me off whenever he comments, whether positively or negatively. Whether he's saying the woman in question is good-looking or whether she's ugly. It makes me feel as though "Why is he with ME, because I am not good-looking what-so-ever!"

 

He does tell me I'm beautiful, does tell me I'm the only woman for him, does tell me he's not interested in anyone else.

 

But I'm overly insecure and hate myself. I don't like the way I look, I don't like my current weight, I don't like several things about myself. There's tons of hot chicks out there and he's with me.

 

"Why?" I constantly ask him. He says my personality is the most beautiful thing he's ever witnessed. That he can joke with me, tell me anything from his past without being judged, and other things.

 

Even with his constant reassuring, I have doubts that he'll want to be with me forever and ever. That he'll find someone 100x more attractive and amazing.

 

I hate feeling this way.

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This is something that you really need to seek out therapy for, and soon, for both the sake of you and your relationship. Insecurity is insidious, both for you and the people that care for you, and you need to find a way to get that resolved.

 

You have a man that loves you very much, enough to marry you, but if you aren't careful your insecurities will ruin your relationship and/or eventually drive him away. Every time you question why he's with you, how he can possibly think you're pretty, how he can't imagine himself with anyone else - you're essentially calling him a liar, be it mentally or when you ask him out loud. You're questioning his ability to understand himself and make his own decisions, and to know what's best for him. Question him long enough, and eventually he, too, might also start questioning why he's with you, if nothing he says is never good enough to give you any reassurance.

 

You're going to have to get over that he's going to comment on other people's appearances - to expect otherwise is complete unrealistic. If merely thinking someone's attractive meant that they instantly had to form a relationship, then monogamy would be nigh nonexistent and polyamory would be the norm.

 

Take this from someone who has crippling insecurities, and completely understands where your mind is. I've driven away I-don't-know-how many friends in the last ten years or so, all because I became so needy and so dependent on constant reassurance (which never worked anyway), that eventually the effort wasn't worth the outcome. And they were right - I was a miserable human being that was annoying and frustrating to be unless I was getting all of the attention of those around me, and most times, even if I was getting the attention I craved.

 

They tried to help me as best they could, but there came a point where they just couldn't do it anymore - there's only so much other people can do, but only -you- are the one that can choose to try and do what's necessary to fix yourself. I still need therapy (haven't started it yet, but plan to), but age has at least given me (some) perspective. But I'm under no delusions that this issue that we have is something that I can handle on my own.

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I'm getting married in June. I'm excited, but also a little scared. I'm scared he'll find someone better and not be with me anymore.

 

I know he loves me. But I'm deeply insecure. I get emotional over the littlest comment he makes about other women. It irks me and ticks me off whenever he comments, whether positively or negatively. Whether he's saying the woman in question is good-looking or whether she's ugly. It makes me feel as though "Why is he with ME, because I am not good-looking what-so-ever!"

 

He does tell me I'm beautiful, does tell me I'm the only woman for him, does tell me he's not interested in anyone else.

 

But I'm overly insecure and hate myself. I don't like the way I look, I don't like my current weight, I don't like several things about myself. There's tons of hot chicks out there and he's with me.

 

"Why?" I constantly ask him. He says my personality is the most beautiful thing he's ever witnessed. That he can joke with me, tell me anything from his past without being judged, and other things.

 

Even with his constant reassuring, I have doubts that he'll want to be with me forever and ever. That he'll find someone 100x more attractive and amazing.

 

I hate feeling this way.

 

Is he getting a cover of GQ soon? Has Calvin Klein called and offered him a contract? Is HE perfect? smile.gif

 

Everything Omega said, in spades.

Edited by MedievalMystic

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I'm getting married in June. I'm excited, but also a little scared. I'm scared he'll find someone better and not be with me anymore.

 

I know he loves me. But I'm deeply insecure. I get emotional over the littlest comment he makes about other women. It irks me and ticks me off whenever he comments, whether positively or negatively. Whether he's saying the woman in question is good-looking or whether she's ugly. It makes me feel as though "Why is he with ME, because I am not good-looking what-so-ever!"

 

He does tell me I'm beautiful, does tell me I'm the only woman for him, does tell me he's not interested in anyone else.

 

But I'm overly insecure and hate myself. I don't like the way I look, I don't like my current weight, I don't like several things about myself. There's tons of hot chicks out there and he's with me.

 

"Why?" I constantly ask him. He says my personality is the most beautiful thing he's ever witnessed. That he can joke with me, tell me anything from his past without being judged, and other things.

 

Even with his constant reassuring, I have doubts that he'll want to be with me forever and ever. That he'll find someone 100x more attractive and amazing.

 

I hate feeling this way.

<3 <3 <3

Personality wins almost every time. It sounds like you have a pretty great one. He loves you regardless of how physically attractive you think you are/actually are.

Amazing people are everywhere and not one of them is even close to "perfect." The people I love the most struggle with their weight, aren't the most fashionable, don't have flawless skin or ethereally beautiful hair or dazzling straight teeth, etc. and I don't care because I love them.

 

The other responses to your problem were actually helpful and constructive, so instead of repeating their advice, I figured I'd just remind you that he is with you for a reason, and I hope you find some way to cope with (or overcome) this insecurity because it is totally unnecessary. Good luck <33

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I'm getting married in June. I'm excited, but also a little scared. I'm scared he'll find someone better and not be with me anymore.

 

I know he loves me. But I'm deeply insecure. I get emotional over the littlest comment he makes about other women. It irks me and ticks me off whenever he comments, whether positively or negatively. Whether he's saying the woman in question is good-looking or whether she's ugly. It makes me feel as though "Why is he with ME, because I am not good-looking what-so-ever!"

 

He does tell me I'm beautiful, does tell me I'm the only woman for him, does tell me he's not interested in anyone else.

 

But I'm overly insecure and hate myself. I don't like the way I look, I don't like my current weight, I don't like several things about myself. There's tons of hot chicks out there and he's with me.

 

"Why?" I constantly ask him. He says my personality is the most beautiful thing he's ever witnessed. That he can joke with me, tell me anything from his past without being judged, and other things.

 

Even with his constant reassuring, I have doubts that he'll want to be with me forever and ever. That he'll find someone 100x more attractive and amazing.

 

I hate feeling this way.

I echo Omega's comments, and I come from the school of incredible insecurity.

 

This guy sounds like a great guy, and it sounds like he genuine and truly loves YOU.

 

As Cliché as it sounds, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and true beauty is within. He obviously feel comfortable around you, and trusts you with issues in his past, and that is worth a heck of a lot. In my experience, not many men let their guard down unless they are very comfortable.

 

 

Even if he comments about other women, he is with YOU. Not them. We are all our own worst critics when it comes to our looks. Personality and the comfort level it seems you two have will be far more valuable for a lasting relationship.

 

*hugs* and good wishes. To me, it seems like you have a keeper.

Edited by LadyC

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I'm having a really rough week already and I don't even have the slightest clue why.

Mostly my emotions are being messy and stupid.

 

tw for tiny mentioning of abuse. quite tiny. but just in case.

 

This coming July will be the 1 year mark of my and my ex's relationship ending. We dated for 3.5 years. We were engaged. She was basically my everything to an admittedly unhealthy point that I've noticed now that I've looked back.

Then I found out she had cheated on me since 3 months into the relationship. With multiple, reoccurring people, 2 of which I also talked to.

She was my first relationship and I had had a crush on her for 4 years prior.

 

Mostly I'm saying all this to give background... I'm happy the relationship ended. I really am. It should have ended almost a year prior to when it did. She was abusive and unhappy, I was flat out the abused and depressed. Since she told me it was over, I've become much happier. Much stronger. I can stand on my own two feet and not cower at every shadow I see.

But the fact remains that next month is a full year of us being broken up. I made it past the date of her proposing to me easily in comparison to this.

 

Recently I've been rapidly getting closer to a friend I've had for a good number of years now (8ish I believe). I won't say I have a crush on them. I don't think I do. Not a romantic crush at least. But a platonic crush is highly possible... More then likely probable.

They've been talking about the crush they have on someone with me lately too. And they really do sound head over heels for this person.

They recently moved for the summer for schooling, and thus are now in the same state as this person. And it has my jealousy and insecurity flaring to the point they're starting to call me out on it and I'm just sitting here denying it because I'm terrified of ****ing things up like I did with my ex. (I know it wasn't actually my fault. Ex was the one who chose to cheat, not me. But I'm terrified of losing a friendship like what happened with the ex)

 

I don't even really know what to say to a lot of people any more. My friends from home are getting irritated with me because I'm terrible at keeping in touch, my friends here in college are basically all dating or interested in someone so I'm the second-best option. The one extremely short lived relationship I did have this past year after my ex ended very quickly and rapidly and suddenly because of reasons I don't really wish to state on this board in the open. This other friend (let's call em Joel) that I thought was going to have me as one of their first choices now seems to be moving me more towards a second option.

I know this talk about options things is really stupid. Bare with me it's how my brain works.

But I stay up and talk with Joel until ridiculous hours of the night. I've told them about things that I've repressed until very recently and theyre one of the reasons I finally went in to get help with them. They've definitely become basically my go-to person and the way I feel is very much reminiscent of a platonic crush. (That definition actually works surprisingly well for what I'm feeling.)

 

...

I dunno. I seem to come here a lot for venting because it's a safe zone from anyone else I know. Sorry about that.

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I feel a bit awkward putting this mix of negativity out here.

 

Alright. I've been trying to tell people that I'm "ace". They won't listen and just treat me like I'm crazy, speaking gibberish, or acting as if I'm not worth the thought. Apparently, I'm just "not old enough to know that" yet. I highly doubt that. On top of this, I have major anxiety issues and I think I may have clinical depression. I don't know. I feel that way often. I don't know what's wrong with me. I get offended way too easily, but I don't fight back, I just hide away. Recently some people close to me have died and its just one thing on top of another. I'm socially awkward and am frequently forced to interact with people I don't know or care to know. Its like my family wants me too keep up appearances. They don't care how badly I fall apart. I don't know... Does anyone else feel the same way...?

 

Okay, ending all of this venting, I'd also like to say...

Anyone going through something, no matter how small you think it may be, just talk to me. PM me, ask me for help. I don't mind talking to you so long as it helps you through a tough time. I don't like being left all alone when I'm upset. I don't want you to get hurt, or for you to end up worse off than before. It is to my understanding that you're all going through something that I don't know about currently. Just talk to me, and I'll listen and if you want, I'll offer my opinion.

 

Thanks for listening...

 

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I wanted to apologize to the thread.

 

A months or so ago, I was very upset and heart-broken. A lot of crap was going on and I couldn't deal with it any more without venting it somewhere. That turned out to be here and once I vented I didn't really focus on any replies to my post. I saw that MedievalMystic had replied, but I was still upset on the matter and hurt and I skimmed through the advice she had replied with.

 

I felt a little hurt by some of what was said. Yes, I am an adult. Yes, I know I need to get my censorkip.gif together and try to suck it up and deal with life because it won't be handed to me on a silver platter. I know this. I haven't been spoiled since my 8th Birthday. But at the same time the issue of what my father had flat out told me to my face hurt like hell and felt like total betrayal.

 

I know as an adult that the parents are no longer obligated to support their kids. That's fine, but at the same time it really bothered me. Aren't parents supposed to love their kids? Even as adults? It's not supposed to stop at a certain age and to hear my father say that he didn't care about my problems even though I had come close to a mental breakdown and once or twice had even darker, more self-injuring thoughts he showed no care and no remorse. True, I don't think he knew that I thought about ending it a few years back. I was in a very dark place and the thought was a short-lived one, because I thought of everyone that I'd be leaving behind and the pain that I'd cause them.

 

There is a painful issue that will remain a fact that my father will rush to my sister's aid and rescue her if she's distressed and upset, but he flat out admitted that he didn't care about my issues. My sister had done drugs in the past and he never threatened to turn her in, yet he told me he wouldn't hesitate to call the police on me if I did any.

 

firstly, I've never done drugs because I'm not that stupid. I don't need to throw myself into a mindless fog and get high to make myself feel better when all it does is get you addicted and rot you from the inside out. Secondly it hurt me that my father would even consider that I'd do something so stupid, proving that he doesn't know me at all.

 

He's had 26 years to get to know me and it's like he never tried. Sure, when I was a kid he was good and decent. Aside from being the disciplinarian of the two he did read to me and tried to help me out with homework.

 

But it seemed that once I entered middle school all that vanished and he started becoming distant. Why I don't know. all I know was that it hurt whenever he showed concern for my sister and joked with her and It seemed he was only tolerating me. 80% of the time when he would talk to me it'd be a lecture and frankly you can only handle so much of that without actually getting guidance from it that it becomes more like mental and emotional abuse. My self esteem suffered greatly for it. And it still does.

 

Again, I apologize to MedievalMystic, for ignoring her reply and I didn't mean to seem like someone who didn't really care to reply and thank them for their advice.

 

I am trying to get everything in order, but at the same time I'm struggling with trying to find who I really am. I should have already figured this out by now, but I have a lot of issues to work out and some soul searching to do before I can really get a handle on my life.

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*Huddled in a corner, snuggling a Hugstrosity*(warning: might spook some people.)

Sitting here, with anxiety, depression, autism, social anxiety, just....so much MudKipz problems..

Why did I have to get all this? Why did I get bullied, why was I 'somewhat' forced to leave school? Why did they make that rumor...why do I have so many censorkip.gif problems...my brother is just perfect. So many friends, good college, neat car(I really don't care for cars, though.), he had a prom date, met new people, has talent such as music, art, singing...

 

Me? I used to draw gore, not bad, but meh. I got in trouble for things I didn't know were bad. I have ADD, some autism, anxiety, social anxiety, stupid fears, some sort of math dyslexia, I don't remember the name...I can't sing for Mudkipz, my art 'talent' faded away..I have no REAL friends. And by that I mean, I have ONE friend on the outside world..but..she's more..I guess, out there, then me. I sit in the safety of this house, away from the misery that awaits outside. Most, if not all of my friends are on this computer. They get me..but I feel they're just lying, to use me. I'm so insecure, I just have too many issues. Why was I cursed like this? I just wish I could create an imaginary friend, at least they'd be there and understand..just like my 'outside-world' friend, and everyone in here..my father is a censorkip.gif, my mother is nice but..I feel more like it's pity, or something..my imagination is my only real sanctuary. Still though..And, to add onto my 'perfect brother', he's so happy with himself..he's not a supermodel body guy, he's not HUGE either. But, even with that...he's so happy..I of course, am not. I'm not BIG, yet not skinny..my brother and father grab my stomach and chant "jelly roll!" constantly, crushing what little self-esteem I have. I'm just an unsightly being. Why can't I just drop some..only a little..I don't want them grabbing my stomach anymore..I don't want to be 'big'...I just.....

 

I just want to vanish into thin air.. Not like anybody would notice..

I may act all happy and crazy, and a bit perverted(thanks public school ._.)...but nobody knows how much I'm suffering..

 

*Holds self in corner..*

Edited by NoraNora

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*Huddled in a corner, snuggling a Hugstrosity*(warning: might spook some people.)

Sitting here, with anxiety, depression, autism, social anxiety, just....so much MudKipz problems..

Why did I have to get all this? Why did I get bullied, why was I 'somewhat' forced to leave school? Why did they make that rumor...why do I have so many censorkip.gif problems...my brother is just perfect. So many friends, good college, neat car(I really don't care for cars, though.), he had a prom date, met new people, has talent such as music, art, singing...

 

Me? I used to draw gore, not bad, but meh. I got in trouble for things I didn't know were bad. I have ADD, some autism, anxiety, social anxiety, stupid fears, some sort of math dyslexia, I don't remember the name...I can't sing for Mudkipz, my art 'talent' faded away..I have no REAL friends. And by that I mean, I have ONE friend on the outside world..but..she's more..I guess, out there, then me. I sit in the safety of this house, away from the misery that awaits outside. Most, if not all of my friends are on this computer. They get me..but I feel they're just lying, to use me. I'm so insecure, I just have too many issues. Why was I cursed like this? I just wish I could create an imaginary friend, at least they'd be there and understand..just like my 'outside-world' friend, and everyone in here..my father is a censorkip.gif, my mother is nice but..I feel more like it's pity, or something..my imagination is my only real sanctuary. Still though..

 

I may I just want to vanish into thin air.. Not like anybody would notice..

I may act all happy and crazy, and a bit perverted(thanks public school ._.)...but nobody knows how much I'm suffering..

*hugs you* Believe me, I can relate to that. That summed up most of my high school years. Bullies started a false rumor that spread like wildfire and the whole school thought it was one grand joke. Most of my friends are online and my only real local friends once and still hope for something more. Not that part is a bad thing, but I'm not ready for a relationship.

 

You are not alone and don't let what those idiots at school say define your self worth. You are an amazing person and don't let anyone else tell you different. You have a unique view-point on things that no one else does. My psychiatrist actually told me that creating an imaginary friend isn't a bad thing. If you need to talk to someone and no one else is around then you can still vent your pain to them and they will listen. Even if they truly don't exist, they will listen and when I tried it once, just to see, I did feel better afterwards.

 

As a writer I decided to take the person I made up and turned them into a character for one of my stories, so in a way they would be real in some form.

 

When I get depressed there are a few things that help. Music is one of life's greatest healers.

 

 

*more hugs*

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*hugs you* Believe me, I can relate to that. That summed up most of my high school years. Bullies started a false rumor that spread like wildfire and the whole school thought it was one grand joke. Most of my friends are online and my only real local friends once and still hope for something more. Not that part is a bad thing, but I'm not ready for a relationship.

 

You are not alone and don't let what those idiots at school say define your self worth. You are an amazing person and don't let anyone else tell you different. You have a unique view-point on things that no one else does. My psychiatrist actually told me that creating an imaginary friend isn't a bad thing. If you need to talk to someone and no one else is around then you can still vent your pain to them and they will listen. Even if they truly don't exist, they will listen and when I tried it once, just to see, I did feel better afterwards.

 

As a writer I decided to take the person I made up and turned them into a character for one of my stories, so in a way they would be real in some form.

 

When I get depressed there are a few things that help. Music is one of life's greatest healers.

 

 

*more hugs*

*Hugs tightly* Thanks...but it's not just rumors..I can explain it here or PM..but I don't want to take yours, or anyone else' time..

 

I like that song, too...I usually listen to Broken Iris when I'm sad..I enjoy Broken Inside godI'msopitiful

I like to listen to creepy music/somewhat sad dubstep, etc to make me feel better..\;3;/wooo...

I guess I forgot to add..but, no matter how hard I try, or think...I can't make an imaginary friend ._. I can't even make a non-existant friend. \._./

Edited by NoraNora

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Aren't parents supposed to love their kids? Even as adults?

Dear Syiren

 

Sorry for my bad english, despite the fact that I've been online for more than 10 years it seems that english grammar will never be my forte.

 

I want to share my personal experience with you.

 

My mother doesn't like me. She doesn't like my sister either but it's not so bad, at least she respect my sister. My mother only cares about her two sons, they are perfect and if someone dares to criticize them, my mother jumps to protect them as if they still were children. We are all older than 40 years old. My mother always criticize me with very harsh words, all the time, in every single phone call that I make to her, in every single opportunity.

 

I live alone for many years, after being married for almost 10 years. But this doesn't matter to my mother. I'm incompetent, I'm lazy, I don't know how to care of myself, my house is a mess, I'm not social enough, my hair is always ugly, I'm too fat - she keeps saying such things all the time even when we are just talking about the weather. She can't help herself. And she says such things in the most acid and horrible tone, like if she is making accusations to me for be such an awful person - because, of course, it's all my own fault.

 

And it's not just words. Last Christmas she bough nice and expensive shoes to all her children and special gifts to all her grandchildren. Some really nice expensive things. She bought me a cheap red t-shirt (even if Christmas is my birthday) and that was all. I thanked with a smile and donated the shirt to the poor since, as I thought she knew, I don't wear red. Also it has been years since she bought me (cause she doesn't cook) a birthday cake. And when she completed 60 years she forbade me to make a birthday party to myself (in december) because I was going to ruin HER birthday party (in july) if I have done that.

 

I had many issues with my mother's behavior when I was younger. I wanted badly that she liked me. My father was a caring and loving man but he decided to kill himself when I was 18 and left us with this heartless mother. I finished growing up listening her to complain that she didn't have enough money to raise 4 children and that we should work to give her money. I tried to conquer her being a good daughter, taking care of my siblings, cleaning the small rented apartments where we lived, giving her my money that I made working. She never ever said thank you, her saying was "you are just doing your obligation".

 

I suffered for many many years. I had to learn how to deal with my feelings in therapy. My mother never changed, not even a bit. My sister married a guy who have a good job and makes good money, so my sister is more worthy than I am, I married a loser. My mother was 100% sure that my marriage would fail, as really happened, for her satisfaction. "I told you so" - she said to me.

 

The cherry in the cake is that I'm bipolar, just like my father. My father story and his suicide saved my life because I was able to identify the symptoms of the disease in myself because of him.

 

Do you want to know what my mother says? That I'm crazy, lunatic, just like my father.

 

The point it that she doesn't affect me anymore because I don't allow. I have a friend who watches my mom with horror. She always ask me how can I stand all of this censorkip.gif, how can I keep going with a smile?

 

Well, in therapy I learnt that I didn't need my mother affection or her approval for anything. I have other persons who are not my family but who really love me. My best friend makes birthday cakes for me. My other best friend pampers me all the time and always tells me how much he loves me.

 

I don't need to try to conquer my bitter and miserable mother anymore.

 

So my best suggestion for you is to live your life. Get yourself a job, even if is a bad one. You can get a better one later. A job will help you a lot, you will have your own money and you will spend the day outside the house. Find interests. Study. Make more friends. If you think that's everything is too complicated to deal by yourself, get help. Seek for counseling or therapy. Live your life to yourself until the day when you will be able to move and go live alone or with other people who care about you and, trust me, you will be happy.

 

Some parents doesn't love their children. And there is nothing that we, their children, can do to be loved. They simply doesn't love us.

 

My best for you!

Edited by danicast

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I know they say family is supposed to help us, but to be honest, they don't. This is for all of you with bad families. I know what you're going through. Just hold on. To be honest, if you've got friends here or anywhere else, you can consider them your family. That's what really gets me through on hard days. After all, aren't friends to make up for are relatives anyways?

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Listening to my bummy/dark music....It usually helps but, I'm getting more and more depressed........

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Listening to my bummy/dark music....It usually helps but, I'm getting more and more depressed........

biggrin.gif Listen to happy songs or browse lovely works of artists. It helps escape reality and makes you happy. Don't further depress yourself by watching sad movies or listening to sad songs..

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I know they say family is supposed to help us, but to be honest, they don't. This is for all of you with bad families. I know what you're going through. Just hold on. To be honest, if you've got friends here or anywhere else, you can consider them your family. That's what really gets me through on hard days. After all, aren't friends to make up for are relatives anyways?

I have to second this. In my family, we have an assortment of problems, thank god a lot don't involve me. Mostly because i'm not supposed to know, but oops, I know. I have met barely half my family members, and i'm sure lots of them don't acknowledge my existence. And the move is making relations between the intermediate family worse. There are sometimes arguments to pop up, and my grandparents were never living alone before. They can only be flexible to some changes, and this is not one.

 

The point is, NO MATTER WHAT happens, know that you can run to the Internet to calm down. We have your back. Not many of us are creepers looking to steal children xd.png

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I feel a bit awkward putting this mix of negativity out here.

 

Alright. I've been trying to tell people that I'm "ace". They won't listen and just treat me like I'm crazy, speaking gibberish, or acting as if I'm not worth the thought. Apparently, I'm just "not old enough to know that" yet. I highly doubt that. On top of this, I have major anxiety issues and I think I may have clinical depression. I don't know. I feel that way often. I don't know what's wrong with me. I get offended way too easily, but I don't fight back, I just hide away. Recently some people close to me have died and its just one thing on top of another. I'm socially awkward and am frequently forced to interact with people I don't know or care to know. Its like my family wants me too keep up appearances. They don't care how badly I fall apart. I don't know... Does anyone else feel the same way...?

About the asexual thing... for the longest time, no one believed me either. I'm almost 30, and my father still occasionally gives me a talk about why I should get married. He doesn't even want grandkids, but he's concerned that I'll be foreveralone and also the tax benefits marriage gives people. I keep telling him I can live just fine with a roommate--and in fact, I am doing just that now. But no matter how often I try to explain this ace thing to him, he just doesn't get it. I even said that if he could find me a man who didn't want sex, I'd marry him, to try and explain it in terms he'd understand (though I know male ace persons exist, I just don't know any personally).

 

And no one else in my family gets it either. Even though I am female-bodied and living with a female ace person, my sister (who knows full-well that I'm ace) has asked if we're dating. We're not, even though we are quite good friends. The point that I'm trying to make with all this is... you're going to have to embrace your asexuality with the understanding that it's highly likely no one else in your life will 'get' it. I hope someone does. I hope you find friends who embrace you for who you are, and I certainly hope the internet will always be sympathetic to your ace issues. And it sucks and it's occasionally hard and often highly frustrating. But in the end, the only one you have to prove yourself to is you.

 

/offers jedi hugs

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-snip-

One thing I have learned over the years, it is that you owe your parents NOTHING. If your mother whines or says that you need to 'clean up more' or 'you don't love me' etc etc, that's complete bull. If parents expect love, work, gifts and expects you to say 'thank you' for everything they give you, but give verbal abuse, no thanks or complain about you all the time, then they are in the wrong and you don't deserve to be put under that.

 

Your parents had you. They went through the process to conceive, prepare and raise you. That's their job as a parent. They should not expect or demand anything back from their children. My stepfather (who is emotionally and verbally abusive) expects me to clean up after his grubby ass whenever I visit my mum (why she still is even married to him I don't even fathom).

 

Don't get me wrong - I love cleaning when I have free time, it gets my mind off of things so I can think to myself while I do the job - but my stepfather sees it as a necessity for me to do while i'm there. Now I don't live with my parents, in the right terms, i'm technically a guest. Yet if I don't clean while I am visiting, I get called lazy, fat, shameful jobless censorkip.gif etc. All while he is seated on the couch infront of the tv, or while he is in his reclining chair outside with a cigarette in his mouth. He even does this to my mother.

 

I owe him nothing after the hell he's put me through. Neglecting me when my brother (his son) was born, then after saying I was 'lucky to not already be kicked out' when I was 11 years old. I moved out and live with my nan, and i'm glad I did. The emotional, physical and verbal torture I went through because of both my biological and step fathers resulted in me being a socially anxious, depressed and PTSD - ridden young adult I am today. I've attempted suicide many times, and he calls me a coward for it. What he doesn't realise is that the coward isn’t the one who commits suicide; the coward is the one who treats a person so badly that they want to commit suicide.

 

tl;dr - If your parents hurl insults and abuse at you and expect you to do things for them, you owe them nothing. You take care of yourself, that's all that matters.

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One thing I have learned over the years, it is that you owe your parents NOTHING. If your mother whines or says that you need to 'clean up more' or 'you don't love me' etc etc, that's complete bull. If parents expect love, work, gifts and expects you to say 'thank you' for everything they give you, but give verbal abuse, no thanks or complain about you all the time, then they are in the wrong and you don't deserve to be put under that.

 

Your parents had you. They went through the process to conceive, prepare and raise you. That's their job as a parent. They should not expect or demand anything back from their children. My stepfather (who is emotionally and verbally abusive) expects me to clean up after his grubby ass whenever I visit my mum (why she still is even married to him I don't even fathom).

 

Don't get me wrong - I love cleaning when I have free time, it gets my mind off of things so I can think to myself while I do the job - but my stepfather sees it as a necessity for me to do while i'm there. Now I don't live with my parents, in the right terms, i'm technically a guest. Yet if I don't clean while I am visiting, I get called lazy, fat, shameful jobless censorkip.gif etc. All while he is seated on the couch infront of the tv, or while he is in his reclining chair outside with a cigarette in his mouth. He even does this to my mother.

 

I owe him nothing after the hell he's put me through. Neglecting me when my brother (his son) was born, then after saying I was 'lucky to not already be kicked out' when I was 11 years old. I moved out and live with my nan, and i'm glad I did. The emotional, physical and verbal torture I went through because of both my biological and step fathers resulted in me being a socially anxious, depressed and PTSD - ridden young adult I am today. I've attempted suicide many times, and he calls me a coward for it. What he doesn't realise is that the coward isn’t the one who commits suicide; the coward is the one who treats a person so badly that they want to commit suicide.

 

tl;dr - If your parents hurl insults and abuse at you and expect you to do things for them, you owe them nothing. You take care of yourself, that's all that matters.

 

That works both ways. After a certain age, your parents owe you NOTHING. Telling a grown adult 'child' to clean up or get their act together, isn't 'verbal abuse'. I have two adult sons in their 20's that both live with me. You're damn straight I expect them to work and if I do something for them, and it takes MY damn resources, I better hear a 'thank you'. It's called MANNERS, something I find lacking in this entitled world. My boys have certain duties around here, things I fully expect them to do. Failure, and laying around on their asses not getting things done and making excuses isn't an option in MY house and they know this about me. I don't want lame excuses and BS, I want results and that's the bottom line. They don't like it? They can get the hell out. Fine by me, much as I love them.

 

Adult children don't 'deserve' to be told the truth, don't 'deserve' to be called out when they're slacking, if that's what the parent perceives that they're doing? If a parent sees what they deem laziness, whining, and being irrisponsible, they shouldn't say anything, is that what you're saying? If my sons are acting like whiners, I'm going to tell them to stop crying about it and stand the hell up like the MEN they're supposed to be. Oh, reality hurt their feelings? Damn, sucks for them.

user posted image

 

Do I, as a parent of grown adults, deserve the burden of paying their way and most of the bills? And a burden it is for any parent supporting a grown adult, bet your sweet ass on that one. What, you think parents are saints? We want you OUT by the time you hit 18, believe me, 21 at the latest. Doesn't mean it's going to work that way, but that's what parents dream about. We've done our jobs for a loooong time by that point, we don't want to carry you anymore. Do you think adult children are OWED financial support, housing, clothing, food, their bills paid, etc, etc, etc, forever, because the parent should 'love' them? That's not love, that's enabling bad, slack behavior and I'm no enabler, not by a long shot. Yeah, think about that one. I'm giving you my perspective from the parents side of the fence. You lay around my house doing nothing and I'll tell you what's up in a skinny second and you may not like what I have to say. You can call a dose of hard reality 'abuse' till the cows come home. Oh well. I know better.

 

Parents shouldn't demand anything from their children? What planet are you from? I 'demand' EVERYTHING from my kids. I demand they be adults, to be smart, to have common freaking sense, to take responsibility for themselves, make their own decisions, to do what they have to do, whether they LIKE it or not, especially when they're in MY house. Even 'guests' have responsibilities. I wouldn't expect a guest to clean up after me, but I'd damn sure expect them to clean up after themselves.

 

It's really easy to say 'screw them' look after YOURSELF, when that self is living under someone else's roof, eating on someone else's dime. Yeah, screw the people that support you financially. That's a real smart move.

 

If the step father is abusive, make arrangements to see your mother out of the house alone and don't visit and stay in their home. If someone over 18 perceives their parents as 'abusive', they need to take RESPONSIBILITY for themselves and find a way to get the hell out of that parents house, one way or the other. Problem solved, for everybody.

 

 

 

Syrien, no apology is necessary, but thank you. smile.gif

Edited by MedievalMystic

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biggrin.gif Listen to happy songs or browse lovely works of artists. It helps escape reality and makes you happy. Don't further depress yourself by watching sad movies or listening to sad songs..

I'm not really fond of it, though..It's not like I hate every happy song, I just don't find them uplifting..

 

 

*Curled up*

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I'm not really fond of it, though..It's not like I hate every happy song, I just don't find them uplifting..

 

 

*Curled up*

But if sad songs are just making you more sad, perhaps you should try something else. I love songs about terrible things like murder and death, because they're so wistful and nostalgic and just pretty, for the most part, but sometimes I have to stop and watch or listen to something less... maudlin, perhaps. Maybe there's a movie or something that you like, that makes you happy? Or a book that you love to read? I'm a big fan of rereading or rewatching things that I know make me feel good.

 

Just some suggestions. I hope you feel better.

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i'm with Medieval on this.

 

a parents responsibility to provide for their children "clothes, roof, food" ends at 18. in a perfect world, parents would be selfless and caring and always there to be a shoulder for a kid to cry on even after the child is grown ... but parents are humans too and humans, by nature are imperfect creatures.

 

some parents are perfect like that, and i think every parent strives to be like that. i dont think anyone who has a kid sets out to destroy that kids life or use them as a punching bag (verbal or otherwise). and i think all parents want their kids to do better and have better than what they grew up as kids. and i think the aim or goal for all parents when they have kids is to raise a self sufficient contributing member of society that can in turn be their friend and confidant one day.

 

but to reach that goal, it requires parents to be parents, not a childs friend. it requires parents to know when to coddle and when to give tough love. it requires parents to instill a responsibility and self sufficiency, which can only be done through life experience and life lessons. a parent wants their child to succeed and to never see their child fail, but all good parents understand that failure is the key to success and that being a childs safety net can do just as much harm as letting a child fail too much.

 

 

its not abuse to require an adult child (over the age of 18 but still living at home) to do the following

 

- get a job / go to college

- pay their own bills

- help around the house

- keep a clean-ish room

 

 

i didn't move out of my parents house until i was 21. but, i had held steady employment since the age of 16, paid for my own car and my own care maintenance, my own car insurance and my own cell phone. i also worked 2 jobs and went to school full time. and even then, i did my own laundry by the age of 13, and was expected to help around the house even earlier than that.

 

at some point, a child is expected to leave the nest. and a child should have enough self decency if they are living under their parents roof as an adult, to help out and be a contributing member of the house hold, not a mooch that leeches off of their parents good will. and yes, if your 26, going to school to get a degree in basket weaving for the past 8 years, and still living in your parents house with a part time job and spending most of your money on yourself or partying every night and not helping out around the house, then your a mooch. and your parents should be smacked for being an enabler to you; because when they pass on and you can no longer mooch off of them, then you become societies problem, and that crap just aint kosher.

 

 

 

Not many of us are creepers looking to steal children xd.png

aaaaannnnndddd the minecraft player in me laughed at this and said

 

"but creepers blow your crap up, its endermen that steal it"

 

ninja.gifxd.png

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But if sad songs are just making you more sad, perhaps you should try something else. I love songs about terrible things like murder and death, because they're so wistful and nostalgic and just pretty, for the most part, but sometimes I have to stop and watch or listen to something less... maudlin, perhaps. Maybe there's a movie or something that you like, that makes you happy? Or a book that you love to read? I'm a big fan of rereading or rewatching things that I know make me feel good.

 

Just some suggestions. I hope you feel better.

I only watch horror movies, but I do like to read fanfiction..like those <name favorite thing here> x reader stories..they're so cute \;w;/

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-snipped for length-

I'm not really sure how much this has to do with Tazzay's post, since it seems to skip over the fact that 1) Tazzay is a visitor and 2) Tazzay is verbally abused - she mentioned several nasty names she was called for not cleaning up after her stepfather on demand.

 

SOME parents are abusive and this isn't always possible to escape, even if you aren't a minor anymore (abuse warps and changes you emotionally and physiologically and I really hate to see the damage that verbal abuse can do downplayed by acting like it's easy to leave and never come back, particularly when people you love are involved), and I think that's what these posts regarding parents have been more talking about. Not doing your share when you visit or live with your parents (and in several cultures, kids don't move out until they're married, and particularly when you are lower middle class to poor even here, I certainly wouldn't look down on) is different from being expected to do all the housework when you visit.

 

~

 

I just want to acknowledge people who do have abusive parents and say your experience is valid, and I'm really sorry you have gone through and continue to go through that. I wish you luck in escaping and hope you know that you're worth more than that. <3

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I only watch horror movies, but I do like to read fanfiction..like those <name favorite thing here> x reader stories..they're so cute \;w;/

if you're a fan of Harry Potter and are in he need for cheering up. this fan fiction is GREAT for a laugh

 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3689325/1/The-...Quidditch-Match

 

 

i loved it 10 years ago, and having re-read it a few weeks ago, my love for that fanfic has not changed

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