Emotional Support

[MedievalMystic]

I think Mystic edited their post, because I can't see what they wrote, so I can't reply to them. Welp.

 

No, I didn't edit anything and wouldn't have. Evidently a mod thought my post was too...honest? It doesn't matter.

 

You've been given some really good advise from others. I hope you take it to heart and feel better.

Edited April 7, 2015 by MedievalMystic

[AngesRadieux]

If possible, start recording classes with her, that way if/when you do make an official complaint, you can offer her exact words and nobody can say you're misrepresenting what was said.

 

Also, sometimes folks who have left (a) religion can have trouble hearing how they speak about (that) religion. I once ran into an atheist who couldn't understand how referring to believers as 'delusional' could be insulting, for instance. (Yes, seriously.) She may genuinely believe that she's being neutral and inoffensive, because she can't see her own blind spot there.

 

It's not your job to make her see the difference between discussing Christianity in context of literature vs. dumping her biases on students, but you would be doing her a big favor.

I do think there's probably an element of her not really understanding how her comments might be taken. Often, she'll start with a fairly neutral comment, like a remark about the Bible as literature or a story. Which is fine. I will give her that people can look at the Bible as a piece of literature and it is a narrative. The stories come to us as related by a third party. But then she'll push it beyond he point where I'm comfortable, by insisting that it should also be equated to fables. I guess maybe to her there might not be such a distinction between calling it a story and a fable, but to me there is. A narrative can have truth to it whereas a fable is by definition a story born of a writer's imagination usually to teach some kind of lesson. Or if she does get the distinction, to her it doesn't seem significant because to her the Bible is faIt's

 

And maybe she doesn't get that laughing over something that to her is genuinely ridiculous could be taken as insensitive and offensive.

 

Plus, there is a linguistic and cultural difference. Our literature class is taught in French. Our professor is from France, so I've also been trying to tell myself that might be part of the issue.

 

I don't know. Maybe I'll say something when the semester's over and grades are posted.

[Fuzzbucket]

I can assure you that it is NOT OK to ridicule other people's religion in France. And language differences would not explain it, either - if you say Christianity is stupid - the fact that you usually speak French doesn't mean you don't know what it means in English.

 

Don't make excuses for her !

[Lady_Lunevis]

Reply to Lady L:

You? Pfft... it is you who people should be jealous about. You are kind and sweet, your arts are lovely and you're also attractive.

 

About the 3rd language... well, who needs three languages anyway? *looks away guiltily because he can speak 4 languages* *is trampled by a herd of wild bulls*

loud crying omg thank you you're too kind omg <333

 

im crying omg gg... though that's super cool?? what four languages do you speak?? OO:

 

Lady L, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing. What matters is what YOU'RE doing. And I've got news for you. There will ALWAYS be someone that's better. Always. Better at languages, better at math, better at art, better at athletics, better at...everything. There's no getting around that. That's just life and that's all over the world. So what? What matters is that YOU do YOUR personal best at all you do.

 

Why sweat someone else because they know 10 languages and compare yourself to them? Some people have a natural talent for learning languages. For these people, learning a new language is easy and that's awesome for them and we can admire that in others. The rest of us struggle with languages. In fact, most of us do. It doesn't mean you're inferior. It just means that maybe languages aren't your personal thing.

 

You're still very young. You have strengths you haven't even discovered yet. Put someone with a Doctorate degree and an IQ of 190 with 5 Pulitzers on the shelf, who's never been camping once, into the woods for a month with a survivalist with a high school diploma and years of experience in how to survive off the land and then tell me who's smarter. You may not be a whiz at languages, but you do a hell of a good make up job. Doing really good make up like you do takes artistic ability. There are a lot of different ways to be a really good artist above and beyond the ability to draw. You haven't discovered or explored all your options yet.

 

Btw, that chick that made the snippy comments, she sounds like a silly little twit. That would be no friend of mine. There's blunt and there's condescending and who needs friends that dish out the latter? Any 'friend' that lords it over me or acts superior isn't a friend for long. I think maybe, from the sounds of it, you might want to look at getting some new friends. Your 'friends' sound like a pack of hyenas. So what if you didn't make math honors? Maybe you will next time. The point is for you to give whatever you do in life all you've got. If you've done that and done well, you've got a lot to be proud of. The end.

 

And people that say things like 'OMG! I got an A! Holy crap! Life is ruined! I'll never live this down! I'm going to throw myself from the nearest cliff because I didn't get an A+!', are either REALLY uptight perfectionists in life or are attention seeking drama queens...either way, feel sorry for them, don't envy them. I mean, really?

 

If someone feels the need to toot their own horn all the time that's usually a big, fat neon sign that screams 'INSECURITY'. Nobody that's confident feels the need to announce it to everyone.

 

Anyway, don't let this get to you so badly. Put it into perspective and it's less overwhelming.

ahh i'm crying rip i'm sorry i'm probably not going to be able to type up a reply that's sizeable enough to match this one, but still--thank you!! idk it's just nice to hear from someone else that there's a limit on how much bragging you can do : ^ |

i don't mind knowing that there's someone better, but having people always tower it over me is exhausting like rip. they're good friends apart from that specific part, but i'll admit that yeah, i'm hanging out with another crowd now and the community on DC forums has been wonderful like loud crying omg thank <33

honestly, yeah, i do feel a bit bad for perfectionists :c it's p hard to get past a mindset like that and it's just infuriating to everyone around them like bye

but anyway ahh just thank you!!! and omg no i'm still experimenting with makeup but thank hh ; v ; i'll keep that in mind the next time i start feeling inferior--i guess it really does depend on situation, and you're right--someone does always seem better and as sucky as that can be it's just something that happens .... i'll work on not letting it get to me!

 

@Lady: Fata let me tell you that the first time I saw your art thread half a year ago, I was so jealous. I hated the attention you were getting and everyone who praised you because you were for years younger that me and you were already really good at pencil drawings and there were just so many people in your topic while mine was just me talking to myself agh

 

Seeing you say stuff like omg my art is trash goodbye just made me feel as you described in your post. It was like anger towards gifted artists of the internet (and one of my friends who is 15 and draws killer horses) and self-loathing where I want to just burn all my drawings.

 

The only thing my black heart could take solace in was that my 'anime' style was better than yours -- but is that any way to think? Like I said in my topic, I've realized that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. All one can do is try to improve one's weaknesses while helping others with one's strengths. (P.S. I might not be the best human drawer, but I've been too shy to offer redlines for you…)

 

When I started to get to know you, I realized that there's no point in hating people for what they're good at. I've been seeing Lady_L now as more of a person rather than just "that 15yr old who is super good at realism". :^)

 

On to the more practical advice though, when I was in grade 8 I was the drama queen who angsted over 98s vs 100s. But that was just me being a drama queen to get attention and feel superior to others ("oh, you got a 78? Well, my dad would beat me if I got anything lower than a 90!"). I just kind of feel secondhand embarrassment now when I hear younger kids doing the same thing and angsting over "low" grades. And trust me -- those grades just keep getting harder to get. I used to be good at math, then calculus happened orz

 

As for the languages, I can't read or write Chinese either. Do I regret dropping out of Saturday Chinese school? Absolutely. But i don't sweat it too much. At least I can speak, which makes it easier for me to learn the language in the future.

 

(Come to think of it, I didn't really have a specialty in high school -- I loved physics but was pretty bad at it and the girl sitting in front of me seemed to get the concepts effortlessly and was all-around good at sports and academics, though I was pretty sure she spent most of her time studying. I was jealous, but I also didn't want to put the extra time in like she did so I guess I just lived with my grade. tongue.gif )

LOUD CRYING i'm kinda laughing now bc tbh when you first started your thread i was so jealous of your wallpapers and how close you seemed to be friends with everyone omg i can't believe this hides face

AHH YEAH i'm sorry rip i have a really bad habit of saying things like that?? it used to be a joke and then it turned into self hating and now i'm just trying to do my best to not say anything like that anymore bc it's really to both my self moral and i didn't know at the time, but others too ;; so aye no more self pity!

tbh lately i've been trying to use better artists as a way to inspire me rather than bring me down and it's actually rly cool like,,, makes a list,, sticks all the talented dc artists on

omg i said this already but ACTUAL TEARS LIKE if you wanna redline for me i'd be honoured whaa ;///A///; i don't wanna take up your time but omg if you wanna do the thing 1. you're amazing 2. thank you so much ahh showers you in chocolate

ppfpptitit your anime style is amazing tho!! i love it so much like eeep that anatomy yes

 

omg AHHH i cry that means so much to me omg i need to bury my face in a pillow for a bit i keep saying this but thank you ahh that actually means so much esp considering sometimes i'm like ": ^ |" with my realism ahh thank yo u omg

 

geeze i can imagine om g,, i used to be really good at socials last year but this year its like wait what happen

i honestly feel a little : ' ^ | for people who keep angsting over grades bc ,,, that's just,, kinda,, and it brings down yourself and people?? it's like the trash thing rest in peace

 

SAME holy shh i dropped out of chinese school and now im like why

one day one day hhh... tbh it is a really nice language!!

 

omg i haven't had physics yet i'm slightly afraid bc i heard it's hard math and i'm like oh geeze

pffthaha that's me a lot : ' ^ ) i know a girl that spends all her time studying, and when her parents have to stop her from studying she ends up getting anxious about her grades until she can study again and we're all like 'maybe take up drawing/writing as a hobby you need to calmato slightly'

but ahh i'm getting off track here--thank you for everything!! it really means a lot like whaa i'm going to save all your replies to read in the future if i ever feel down again.... just hhh thank you for taking the time to write this it means a lot ahh <33

[danicast]

I do think there's probably an element of her not really understanding how her comments might be taken. Often, she'll start with a fairly neutral comment, like a remark about the Bible as literature or a story. Which is fine. I will give her that people can look at the Bible as a piece of literature and it is a narrative. The stories come to us as related by a third party. But then she'll push it beyond he point where I'm comfortable, by insisting that it should also be equated to fables. I guess maybe to her there might not be such a distinction between calling it a story and a fable, but to me there is. A narrative can have truth to it whereas a fable is by definition a story born of a writer's imagination usually to teach some kind of lesson. Or if she does get the distinction, to her it doesn't seem significant because to her the Bible is faIt's

 

And maybe she doesn't get that laughing over something that to her is genuinely ridiculous could be taken as insensitive and offensive.

 

Plus, there is a linguistic and cultural difference. Our literature class is taught in French. Our professor is from France, so I've also been trying to tell myself that might be part of the issue.

 

I don't know. Maybe I'll say something when the semester's over and grades are posted.

I'm a teacher and an atheist. I teach arts and many times I must show pieces of art inspired in religion to my students. I use the therm "myth" to refer to any religious story, because, as far as I know, "myth" is the correct therm to use, it's not offensive, all teachers, all scholars use this therm in books, universities, schools. I'm usually neutral about the subject, I never say that this or that religion is right or wrong. I say, as example, this painting is part of the Sistine Chapel, it represents a biblical scene and the myth of this Saint or that Saint. I can not favor christianity in my classes or any other religion, the school is secular and this rule is really enforced here.

 

Since I didn't witness what your teacher did, I can't really tell if they were "making fun" of religious or simply make a statement that all religious stories should be considered myths - which is the scientific approach and universally used in schools and universities. I can't tell what were your teacher's intention but I told a student once that she had to keep her religion and her myths out of the school - she decided to argue with me in the middle of the class that creationism is the right theory and I told her that the school is secular and the approach that we give is the scientifical approach. I also told her that she was free to believe in creationism if she feel like but if a teacher ask her about how the life evolved in the planet she should answer according science because this is what schools teach.

 

In my country the right to have the religion that you prefer is assured and protected by constitution. Nobody can show prejudice against any religion BUT it's also protected by law the fact that the school is secular. No teacher or principal or any person working in a school can adopt religious actions or ideas in the school enviroment. If someone like to pray before a meal, as example, the person is free to do it but the school principal can not ask to the students to pray in any circumstance.

 

If I were you, I would take this matter to the principal, since it's clearly disturbing you. A teacher can not punish you in any way if you have a complain about how they are teaching, complains are part of the educational process. I would also talk to my parents to make them know about the problem.

[georgexu94]

 

Guys, I have good news- Oh, sorry wrong thread. Wait, I remember why I'll post here. Good news is that the grades here are out- and I passed. And not only pass but it reached a high that exceeded my expectations. I got a B in Finance! When I only forecasted that it'll be a mere C. I never really like Accounting and Financing. Well, I suppose my sister's evil plan worked when she let me force attend forums and lectures as well joining up the stock market. Ah well, no more finance next semester, I believe we can peacefully retire the subject.

 

Anyway, aside from that, I wanted to thank all of you for your continuous support. For all those times I felt unmotivated and wanting emotional support, advice and Internet hugs. Group hug! *group hug*

 

 

Moving on, my mom just said earlier that as long as I passed, it's alright. Now, she's telling me that I just merely passed. Merely passed? That's 2.05 right there. 2 is the required minimum overall grade, and the last time I checked, 2.05 is greater than 2! Ah well, in the past I felt the need to brag about my good points but after reading someone's comment here about that, it made me realise that it is just a sign of insecurity of which I do agree. Meh, my sister was the one who's more talented and awesome. Don't get me wrong I'm proud of her, but then there's this sort of sibling rivalry where I frequently compare and felt bad about myself. However, after some nice motivational speech from Mystic (no sarcasm involved), I see that I only have myself to look at and if I think I am worth more, I should strive hard myself and prove it. No more comparing with others as that will only make things worse.

 

 

@MedievalMystic: I want to thank you for all those things and wanted to say, people do appreciate you. Anyway, sometimes a little sugar-coating won't hurt. People here are like children- Everyone loves candies! Anyway, your blunt and honest words may sting at first but in time, we see its value. The best things are bitter at first, like medicine, but it'd turn out to be healing. *unsure look* er, I know you don't like sweet things but I'd like to give you a sweet virtual hug if that's alright with you.

 

 

@Lady_L: I speak English (but everyone knows that by now), Filipino (or Tagalog, which is the official language in the Philippines apart from English), Chinese Mandarin and the other which some people dismiss as a mere dialect but not a language (and shouldn't be included in the language count) is Chinese Fukkien. *oh my, what is wrong with me* Hmm, I always thought you look Chinese, Lady L.

[AngesRadieux]

hh so idk this is just more of an angry rant at myself other than anything else

any tips on dealing with / how you got past jealousy?????

idk it's just maybe it's just me being paranoid and unhappy with myself but everyone i know is super successful??? i mean i have friends that are learning their third language and skipping ahead into grade 11 classes and juggling work and school and people who are getting love confessions daily

i even have a friend who just went to japan like

am i just not getting onto the system or something bc everyone's suddenly just wow boom enjoying their life and i'm still here like the only thing i can draw is a stickman and i'm struggling in math

 

i mean i am genuinely happy for them; but sometimes its just really hard to reel back the voice in my head that says 'everyone is so much better than you and you're not going to accomplish anything wow what a failure'

and idk its just it's really getting out of hand bc it's gotten to the point where jealousy and self loathing have just kinda mixed together into this giant mess of i hate myself & everyone in this building

just... ugh. idk why everyone i know is super successful and i'm rly scared i'm just gonna kinda live in a shadow forever like even if i went to japan or learnt a third language or finished a grade 11 class in grade 11 i'll still be that person who did it like years after everyone else did and it just feels rly awful

it's honestly gotten to the point where i had to stop being friends with this girl bc she would constantly talk about how successful she was and who confessed to her that day and how she woke up covered in sparkles and there was a rainbow outside her window or smth and its awful of me i know but she kept talking about things and i was like, wow, i can't do this

and there's the fact everyone else seems really ???? idk ???? not all my friends do this but i know like three people who are like A+++ successful and they just act so ????

theyll be like "oh wow i can't believe some people get below 90%" and ill be like "uh" and they'll be like "oh right das you" and it's just like, wait, excuse me, what,

or when people go "ew i got a low A that's sooo awful i can't live with myself"

it just makes ????? me feel so incredibly put down bc like hello i worked hard for 86% and here you are going "lmao i didn't even try" or "omg i can't live with myself this is so awful"

the other day we were talking about french class and everyone knows im struggling in french bc je ne sais pas and i made a joke about the french teacher scaring me and this girl which i'll call A and is the source of all that is bad in this world literally went "why bc she speaks a second language and you don't????" and i was like "um wait i speak mandarin" and she was like "but not completely you can't write or read it right you can't call that speaking" and just idk she's right and wow i'm so

and i'm literally done with the fact they won't stop talking about the fact i didn't make it into math honours like yes i know i'm struggling in math i passed with an a in normal math that's good enough what more do you want from me

just.... i don't know. all my friends speak three languages at the minimum and are incredibly talented and never cease to tell me about all their successes and i know they're doing it bc they wanna share their success but i'm still so ???? it just makes me so by e

i'm a horrible person i know sorry for the long rant

I totally get how you feel. It's okay to be jealous and bothered by their success. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's normal and it doesn't make you a bad person at all. My sister tends to do a lot of things before I get to it, and it really, really grates and gets under my skin and makes me feel inadequate and second best. If I ever try to talk about those feelings to my parents, they always blew me off, so I started to feel like I was wrong to feel that way.

 

Don't fall into that trap, because feeling guilty over your reactions and stressing over that isn't going to accomplish anything. I'd say accept the jealousy and frustration, acknowledge that it's there and it's normal, and it definitely doesn't make you a horrible person.

 

When it gets to be too much, focus on what you're really good at. Knowing Mandarin is really awesome. Whether you have trouble writing is irrelevant. The fact that you know even the basics means that you know something a lot of other people don't. Frankly, I love languages, but I can't even imagine studying any of the Asian languages because the idea of having to learn an entirely new alphabet intimidates me like crazy. I personally haven't seen your art thread, but from what other people have posted, it sounds like you're a really amazing artist. That's also something you have going for you that a lot of people don't.

 

So basically, know that it is okay to be jealous and you don't need to feel like you're a bad friend or anything for not wanting to hear about everything that's going wonderfully in your friends' lives if you're struggling with things and also know that no matter what you think, you do have strengths and abilities that other people don't. And frankly, it sounds like your friends are actually being really insensitive and in some cases downright rude. I second the post that suggests looking into branching out and hanging out with some new people.

 

I'm a teacher and an atheist. I teach arts and many times I must show pieces of art inspired in religion to my students. I use the therm "myth" to refer to any religious story, because, as far as I know, "myth" is the correct therm to use, it's not offensive, all teachers, all scholars use this therm in books, universities, schools. I'm usually neutral about the subject, I never say that this or that religion is right or wrong. I say, as example, this painting is part of the Sistine Chapel, it represents a biblical scene and the myth of this Saint or that Saint. I can not favor christianity in my classes or any other religion, the school is secular and this rule is really enforced here.

 

Since I didn't witness what your teacher did, I can't really tell if they were "making fun" of religious or simply make a statement that all religious stories should be considered myths - which is the scientific approach and universally used in schools and universities. I can't tell what were your teacher's intention but I told a student once that she had to keep her religion and her myths out of the school - she decided to argue with me in the middle of the class that creationism is the right theory and I told her that the school is secular and the approach that we give is the scientifical approach. I also told her that she was free to believe in creationism if she feel like but if a teacher ask her about how the life evolved in the planet she should answer according science because this is what schools teach.

 

In my country the right to have the religion that you prefer is assured and protected by constitution. Nobody can show prejudice against any religion BUT it's also protected by law the fact that the school is secular. No teacher or principal or any person working in a school can adopt religious actions or ideas in the school enviroment. If someone like to pray before a meal, as example, the person is free to do it but the school principal can not ask to the students to pray in any circumstance.

 

If I were you, I would take this matter to the principal, since it's clearly disturbing you. A teacher can not punish you in any way if you have a complain about how they are teaching, complains are part of the educational process. I would also talk to my parents to make them know about the problem.

 

I have absolutely no objections to people saying that religion can be thought of as stories because there is no proof. That's true. Proof of God's existence or nonexistence does not exist. As an aside, I also have no problem with science. Evolution did happen. Personally, I think there's just entirely too much evidence and the theory is too sound to be denied and I have absolutely no issue with it being taught as fact in schools.

 

I mean, when we read Le Roman de Renart the beginning was a parody of Genesis, and I had no problem with her using language like "This parodies the story of Adam and Eve because..." That's fine, because you're right. It is a story, not a documented historical event. Even among Christians, people interpret it and understand it in different ways.

 

I do have a bit of an issue with the word "fable", because a fable is by definition a work of fiction, but the bigger issue was when she referred to it specifically as "ridiculous fable". And not in the context of "it seems ridiculous to Don Juan because...", but as in discussing her personal beliefs.

 

I don't know, I'm probably not explaining myself very well.

 

But if it were in the context of a public school with a principal, I probably would have said something already. I guess things are a bit more difficult to regulate in college, so if I were to say anything, it would be after grades are submitted. I don't know, though, because like I said the last class was better, and we're going to be finishing Don Juan next class, so I'm holding out hope that since our next work doesn't touch on religion at all the issue will just resolve itself by becoming irrelevant.

Edited April 8, 2015 by AngesRadieux

[danicast]

AngesRadieux

 

I think you are perfectly clear. You are upset with the way your teacher refer to biblical stories. You are entitled to feel annoyed because a teacher must not refer to any religion in a particular manner - as far as I know France is not much different than my country in this matter. Her beliefs are not relevant to her classes. She should avoid to lecture the class with what she believe because it's no relevant for the study.

 

I have no idea how your college works but it must exist someone - maybe a college counselor - to talk about what is going on in this class. You should complain because if it's bothering you it means the teacher conduct is not approppriated.

[Lady_Lunevis]

@Lady_L: I speak English (but everyone knows that by now), Filipino (or Tagalog, which is the official language in the Philippines apart from English), Chinese Mandarin and the other which some people dismiss as a mere dialect but not a language (and shouldn't be included in the language count) is Chinese Fukkien. *oh my, what is wrong with me* Hmm, I always thought you look Chinese, Lady L.

ohh that is way too cool omg <33 what's it like to switch between languages?? OO: do you think in a mixture of all four or??

still that's amazing omg <33

ahah yeah i'm 100% chinese : ' ^ ) slowly attempting to learn more mandarin bc it's a beautiful language!!

 

I totally get how you feel. It's okay to be jealous and bothered by their success. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's normal and it doesn't make you a bad person at all. My sister tends to do a lot of things before I get to it, and it really, really grates and gets under my skin and makes me feel inadequate and second best. If I ever try to talk about those feelings to my parents, they always blew me off, so I started to feel like I was wrong to feel that way.

 

Don't fall into that trap, because feeling guilty over your reactions and stressing over that isn't going to accomplish anything. I'd say accept the jealousy and frustration, acknowledge that it's there and it's normal, and it definitely doesn't make you a horrible person.

 

When it gets to be too much, focus on what you're really good at. Knowing Mandarin is really awesome. Whether you have trouble writing is irrelevant. The fact that you know even the basics means that you know something a lot of other people don't. Frankly, I love languages, but I can't even imagine studying any of the Asian languages because the idea of having to learn an entirely new alphabet intimidates me like crazy. I personally haven't seen your art thread, but from what other people have posted, it sounds like you're a really amazing artist. That's also something you have going for you that a lot of people don't.

 

So basically, know that it is okay to be jealous and you don't need to feel like you're a bad friend or anything for not wanting to hear about everything that's going wonderfully in your friends' lives if you're struggling with things and also know that no matter what you think, you do have strengths and abilities that other people don't. And frankly, it sounds like your friends are actually being really insensitive and in some cases downright rude. I second the post that suggests looking into branching out and hanging out with some new people.

ahh thank you so much for this!! i struggle a lot with feeling like my jealousy is okay bc everyone is like 'no don't be jealous that's morally wrong' and i'm like 'uh oops'

you're correct; everyone feels jealousy sometime or other ^^

 

same oh my goodness i love languages so much!! <33 it's just beautiful seeing how many there are in this world hhh

i guess it's a bit easier for me since i'm used to characters and letters, but yeah asian languages are like whoa calmato at first

i can't even imagine korean i'm always looking at my friends who read/write it and i'm like omg how

though whaa it's so amazing that you know french!! french is probably the hardest language for me since it involves so much grammar and rules and i'm like omg no

omg aahhh thank you <333 i just try my best w/ art ahh : ' ^ )

 

ohh thank you; i needed this, a lot. <33 it's just nice to hear that i don't have to be a saint and perfectly well endowed and willing to lay down flat and let everyone roll over me : ' ^ ) i've been struggling for a long time to accept jealousy as something i can feel so ahh thank you <33 this means a lot, it really does!

luckily i've been hanging with a few friends that are much nicer than the ones that are super competitive. they're not bad people or anything, but i do feel like they need to sort out the fact they put others down to raise themselves up.

whaa thank you for this lovely message <33 it's well appreciated!! i'll try my best to remember that because it's so important, thank you. <33

[georgexu94]

@Lady_L: I'm replying in a PM because it's already straying from the thread. Sorry for the inconvenience. Best wishes!

Edited April 8, 2015 by georgexu94

[Cottoncat]

And therein lies the kicker. If you aren't aware of where your weak spots are, then you can't (or rather, it's much, much harder) to improve. If you don't want to, then that's fine. It's just that I hear a lot of people complain about how their art isn't where they want it to be, but as soon as they're offered constructive criticism, they suddenly are happy with where they are because they apparently don't want to put in the work to get better. And it is work. No one's born with the ability to paint Rembrandt-level pieces. Some have more aptitude, yes. But anyone can be decent at it if they put in the effort.

 

By the way, the way I do critiques isn't harsh. I tend to point out good things as well, and suggest things to work on as well as techniques to help you get there. Critiques don't have to be a terrible experience. Now, if it were an art school, they're absolutely brutal. I don't do brutal. I have a metric crapton of things I need to work on with my skills, and that's okay! It's all part of the learning process.

I actually could use a bit of critique, since I was just somehow scared to receive critique that's harsh like in art schools. So please, if you had the time and you'd want to, I'd like to get some critique from you. ÓuÒ

 

I guess it's just that I've never really received proper critique - nearly anyone has informed me about the spots I would need to improve.

[Gryphites]

Yes, indeed I need a hug.

And it's so pathetic that my last resort is this thread because I'm completely alone, with nobody to talk to about these feelings. It's 3 AM here and I'm about to have a mental breakdown. I will probably just crawl under my duvet after finishing this post, pet my dog a little and cry.

I should be able to deal with the dread I experience but... I just can't.

I'm the type of person who can't deal with conflict. I just can't and although I tend to be very passionate and sometimes a bit agressive online (but never in English surprisingly), irl I will have a panick attack before I can confront anyone. And if I'm in an actual argument with someone, it always gets to me. Always. It's just the way I am wired and my depression + social anxiety, which is a prevalent part of my life from teenage years (I'm 24) surely doesn't help.

Recently I've been under a lot of criticism online and it seems as though today might be the day I can finally say "they broke me". I'm hosting something since September. I put a lot of effort and energy into it (as you may or may not know, managing your "supply" of energy is very important in your life if you suffer from depression) and unfortunately I get a ton of scrutiny for my decissions or mistakes. I hate myself for making mistakes already, but people's reactions add to that.

I sincerely don't know what to do at this point. It keeps getting worse, but I still need to be "the professional one" because I have an obligation of finishing this whole thing. I have no way of removing myself from the situation. I have to "get over it" while they fill my inbox with plain rudeness and question everything I do. Hearing the hidden message "you suck" from multiple people for several months can surely mess with you.

I'm 24 for godness sake. This is so immature of me to even treat this as a big deal. So why can't I just move pass that?

Last 6-7 years of my life are full of regret, sadness, self-hatered and loneliness. And my last 3-4 years I spent on sitting at home, leaving literally up to only 10 times a year and using my computer 16 hours a day, which completely messes my sleeping pattern. That's my life. This is a grown up man's life. Life of someone who is just not able to deal with things how he supposed to. Seriously, something is wrong with my brain. I feel like a child who everybody calls an adult. And I don't know how to handle this mess without support of my family or friends. Because it's my family who makes me the most anxious at times and I don't have friends.

Nobody cares. Nobody truely has my back. Nobody notices.

Can I just stop feeling anything for once?

 

Sorry for my grammar and this bundle of messy phrases, I'm not a native English speaker and I currently don't have the strenght to make it neat.

Edited April 10, 2015 by October

[dragongrrl]

I can't give you a hug in person, but I am sending a big cyber hug. <3

 

I have worked jobs where I got a LOT of flak, but I ignored it because I just wanted to do the job. I spent about three years in the job this way, head down, nose to the grindstone. I hated the way some treated me, but I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong, anything that warranted the negative ways they treated me. Over time, the nay-sayers fell by the wayside, and I was the one who perservered. Good luck with your accomplishments, and keep those as your focus.

 

There are many nice people here who can give you better help, I hope you find what you need to make life better for you.

 

((((HUG))))

[danicast]

October

 

I'm 48 and I'm not sure what am I doing! I don't know if we ever know, I think life is like this, we grow old but we feel like 5 years old inside. There are many days that I just want my mother, I wish I could hide myself in her bed as I used to do when I was a little girl. I think that's normal because I talked about it with my sister and she said that she feels this way sometimes.

You said that you have depression, are you seeing someone or getting some treatment? I'm bipolar and I'm in treatment in the latest 5 years. I don't know how do you feel but I don't know where I would be without my shrink and the treatment. Take care, depression is a serious illness.

 

Don't be so harsh with yourself, you seem to be a lovely person. Give yourself more credit, I'm pretty sure you are doing the best job that you can.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>hug<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

[Slater_C]

*HUGS OCTOBER* <333

 

I'm just echoing what's been said by the lovely Danicast and Dragongrrl, but I really just want to reassure you that you are definitely not alone. I'm 28 with anxiety and depression as well and conflict and confrontation are me weakness too. I empathize with how you feel so much ; 7 ; Sometimes I find myself thinking about and stressing over arguments I've had YEARS ago and any time I do decide to join an argument I can't help but get too emotionally invested and it's devastating (emotionally and physcially); I'll dwell on it for weeks and weeks afterward and all I want to do is avoid anyone and everyone involved (unfortunately it's family that is also the source of my stress so I feel ya there too).

 

Anyhow, not trying to make it about me of course! I just want you to know that there isn't an 'appropriate age' when it comes to dealing with anything and that depression and anxiety are crippling and it's not your fault you feel this way and are wired in such a way.

 

Please be good to yourself and try to find some peace, even if it's just for moments at a time. Indulge in things you love, de-stress and take all the breathers you need~

Edited April 10, 2015 by Slater_C

[Gryphites]

Wow.

First off, I'm on the verge of tears right now because of what you all just said. It seems as though reaffirmation and a little bit of support was what I needed when it comes to dealing with this particular situation. Honestly, I am so grateful that people like you actually exist, ready to give some encouragement to someone they don't even know.

I suspected it could potentially make me feel better to write here, but when it actually happened and you all responded, it hit hard. So now I have to deal with those overwhelming emotions and the love you gave me too, haha!

But seriously, thank you. Thank you so, so much. I needed this kind of validation, a little bit of care. Which is still slightly immature of me - to rely on people's opinions to feel good, but that is what I could work on in the future, hopefully.

I'm very appreciative of you all. Can't express it enough. Things are still pretty bad, but they seem a little less daunting thanks to you.

 

Yes, I am indeed very hard on myself. I came to realise recently that I'm a perfectionist who doesn't trust his own judgement, and that's a disastrous combination. I always question my identity or true motives (for example, when I'm being nice to someone, or helping out, etc. I feel like I'm just a fake egoist who manipulates that particular human being so they would be nice to him.)

It's not easy when your worst enemy is yourself.

So yeah, when things with this online thing don't go the way I imagined, my body is overflowing with emotions difficult to contain. And then I blame myself. And then I blame myself again. And again. And again. And if I take it out on others (in this situation or in different ones), I'm full of even more regret afterwards.

 

Yeah, I think as long as someone focuses on their job and ambitions and doesn't hurt others, it's all fine and people giving that person bad treatment will not take away their success in the end. It's not easy for somebody so emotional like me to think/act like that, but this logic really speaks to me and I'm hoping one day I will be able to focus on creating stuff for my own enjoyment rather than taking only hate and criticism under consideration.

 

Visiting a shrink has to be an amazing, freeing experience and something that appeals to me. I still feel a bit uneasy talking about my depression though (as I said, not trusting my own judgement and also, being afraid people will say "you imagined that, that's not real"). Also it seems a bit far-fetched when I say to anyone "I may have a disorder" so... no, I'm not seeing anyone who could confirm that. I'm living in a small village, depending on my parents financially, so the amount of effort I would have to put into changing my life (getting parents' approval and help at the start, moving out, finding a job/school, finding a place to stay, settling down a bit, figuring out other "adult stuff", finding a shrink, opening up to said shrink) is just frightening. That's work for literally decades I feel. Difficulty level - hardcore.

I wish I could just do stuff without worrying. How people even do that? Being spontaneous is like a myth, a legend to me and I can't fathom how extraverts function. But good for them.

 

As for treasuring peaceful moments... definitely something you can live by. I guess I have to learn how to do that. In the end those moment may keep you sane after all.

 

Okay, I'm running in circles and the amount of "me talk" is atrocious so I'll stop now. But thank you for listening. That means the world to me.

Edited April 10, 2015 by October

[Fawkesian]

I guess I'll post a little rant here since I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

 

Three internet friends yelled at me within the space of ten minutes over things that I'm not really even responsible for, and I've had a tremendous headache all day. Since I help moderate a forum, I also had to deal with a member who messaged me some nasty comments. Thheeen an ex decided to have a really unenjoyable conversation with me. Add to that the fact that I just found out Ray's leaving Rooster Teeth.

 

It has not been a fun day. :/

[georgexu94]

I guess I'll post a little rant here since I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

 

Three internet friends yelled at me within the space of ten minutes over things that I'm not really even responsible for, and I've had a tremendous headache all day. Since I help moderate a forum, I also had to deal with a member who messaged me some nasty comments. Thheeen an ex decided to have a really unenjoyable conversation with me. Add to that the fact that I just found out Ray's leaving Rooster Teeth.

 

It has not been a fun day.  :/

I am not really sure about moderating issues, so I'll try to answer to my best. Well, sometimes unruly members roam the site and complain and say nasty comments to you. But take time to take yourself off the screen and think of your true value. You are very much worth more than being trampled by those horrible comments.

 

And,

 

Let me start by saying the following.

I do not believe you are disrespected around the site, misunderstood perhaps, but not disrespected.

Now as far as the accusations go, you're the one that needs to be convinced of your innocence, nobody else.

Do not let anyone tell you otherwise, you are a valued and trusted member.

As it happens, people have told me they think very highly of you, you rock!

[MedievalMystic]

@MedievalMystic: I want to thank you for all those things and wanted to say, people do appreciate you. Anyway, sometimes a little sugar-coating won't hurt. People here are like children- Everyone loves candies! Anyway, your blunt and honest words may sting at first but in time, we see its value. The best things are bitter at first, like medicine, but it'd turn out to be healing. *unsure look* er, I know you don't like sweet things but I'd like to give you a sweet virtual hug if that's alright with you.

 

Well, you're right, George, I'm not the mushiest, softest person on the planet, but I do like sweet things..once in a blue moon..lol..thank you. *squish!*

Edited April 11, 2015 by MedievalMystic

[georgexu94]

Yey! *sweet hug*

 

(I always love stock GIF images)

[MedievalMystic]

I don't really need support. I'm shaken up right now, but I didn't lose my mind completely so I'm alright.

 

I just had one of the worst experiences of my life. It rocked me so badly I'm still shaking. I thought I'd talk about it here as a warning to others.

 

There might be some profanity in here. Sorry about that. I'll try and keep it at a minimum, but there will be some. Cussing like a sailor is a great stress reliever for me. And after what I've dealt with just now I deserve to do some cussing. This is going to be a long, rambling account of this incident...my brain is still a little scrambled.

 

My oldest son, Sean, and I were out running around and we stopped at a store. I didn't feel like going in and told him I'd wait in the car. So, I'm out there chillin'. I was in the shade, two hawks were flying around above me, it was crisp and cool with lots of sun and it was peaceful. Then I noticed the guy walking around with his little fluffy dog. My first thought was 'Oh, no..he looks like one of the Walking Dead'. My radar went way, way up and my adrenaline started kicking within seconds of laying eyes on this guy. I felt this sense of absolute dread as I watched him walking back and forth with his little dog. Something was off about this guy and I felt it a mile away.

 

At that moment, when I started to feel this sense of alarm, I told myself I was being stupid, overreacting. I told myself to stop being such a dumbass. It was a guy walking his dog, nothing more. I told myself to chill the hell out.

 

The guy is walking back and forth, back and forth...and then he disappears around the corner of the building next to the one that my son went to. There's a lot of overgrown, thick woods back there and it crossed my mind to wonder why he was going back there... He was gone so long that I had actually started to forget he existed until he came back around the corner. Once again, my senses are on high alert. I can't shake this feeling of dread I feel looking at this guy. I'm thinking, 'Please, God, don't let him notice me...' and feeling stupid for thinking that way at the same time.

 

He comes straight out of the woods and walks up to the road, which was a pretty good walk from where I'm parked. I'm feeling very relieved, I'm thinking the guy was going to walk home or something, that somehow I had averted disaster...

 

Out of nowhere, he was at my window. My open window. It's like he materialized out of thin air. I'm thinking he's hell and gone and there he is. My adrenaline kicked up a notch and it felt like I was going to come out of my skin. And he starts talking... 'My name is...whatever, I don't remember...and I don't have a girlfriend. Do you have a boyfriend? Yeah, I had to let my dog out...her name is Baby and she's my best friend. My other girlfriend stole her and I had to pay a ransom to get her back...and he sounds a little angry at that point...he's talking at warp speed, 100 miles a minute without pause and I'm thinking, 'Oh . This is a real nutjob. This is some scary kind of crazy he's showing me and I'm in serious trouble..' He asks me again, 'Do you have a boyfriend?' to which I respond, firmly but quietly, 'No. And I don't want one.' And I'm just staring at him, hoping to God he'll get the hint, but no...

 

I honestly felt I had to tread carefully around this guy. It's like I didn't want to make any sudden moves. At that point I know I'm dealing with one of the lost, so far gone on whatever drug he's doing that reality and living no longer exists for him. For this guy, there's only the drug till the day he dies. He looked really eaten up, his skin was awful, he was bone thin, he had no teeth...and he was probably 45, but he looked 60...

 

He's still talking and won't shut up. I was scared ****less at this point. I had no idea how to get rid of the guy. He was really on edge, agitated, twitchy, and flat out whacked out of his mind. I told him that my SON was going to be out of the store any minute...I figured that would get him gone.... and it just didn't register. He goes 'I have a joint. Come around back with me', meaning those woods. Oh hell no. I refused and said it looked like there might be ticks back there and I didn't like ticks. Part of my mind was gibbering like a loon I was so scared. The vibe coming off this guy felt so black I felt sick. It's like I couldn't get him out of my space no matter what I said.

 

Next thing I know, he walks around to the drivers side and gets in my car. It never occurred to me to lock my doors in broad daylight in the middle of a parking lot, close to the front of a store. As soon as he got in the car, part of me froze. I didn't know what to do. He started talking about me being his girlfriend. When I said I was not his girlfriend he seemed to get more agitated. At this point, I'm wondering if this guy is going to jump me, is he going to pull out a weapon and threaten me with it, is he going to try and force me to drive off...which I wouldn't have done... I was so close to panic it felt like I was about to explode. I looked at him and told him that it would be a really good idea if he got out of my car. Like now.

 

He flips his . He starts going off about me calling the cops on him, that he's just a country boy that never harmed anyone, why would I want to get him in trouble with the law...and on and on and on...and he's really working himself up... The whole thing was so surreal I don't have words for it. Part of my mind is in full blown panic mode and images of being found stabbed to death in a ditch somewhere start flying through my mind...and I'm sitting there, thinking 'Please, God, Please, God, Please, God...., totally about to flip my , when my son comes walking up.... Oh, thank God! The relief I felt was so huge I almost felt dizzy. I immediately started shaking. My son immediately picked up on what was up, that something was wrong. I was scared to death. The guy was still going off about the cops, but my son talked softly to him, assured and reassured the guy that no cops were going to be called, and he finally got out of the car and walked away... I told my son to drive. I couldn't. I was so rattled by that guy.

 

The moral of the story? Lock your doors if you're waiting in your car in a parking lot, even if it's broad daylight and you're in public, because you just never know.

 

I'm going to go and try and relax now. It's going to take me a few days to get over that.

Edited April 11, 2015 by MedievalMystic

[dragongrrl]

@MedievalMystic - Wow. I am so glad you are safe, and that your son was able to talk the guy into leaving quietly. I have ptsd in my past, and that story set off all of old my alarm bells.

 

There was a fellow a bit like that who used to come in where I worked. He was developmentally slow, and wishing he had a girlfriend. We banned him from the store for a year at one point, and then had to make the ban permanent, since he kept wanting various women, customers or employees to be his girlfriend. At first it was all talk but as he got older, the problem got worse, because he kept coming closer and closer. I don't know what happened to him, but he would probably be about the same age as the guy in your bizarre experience.

 

I do keep doors locked, and windows go up fast when I sense anything strange, and have most of my adult life. I had a similar experience on a busy midday freeway many years ago, and the tow truck driver came at the right time. The two guys who had stopped behind me and were playing with some rope got into their truck and drove off. I had doors and windows locked, but I've always wondered what they were doing back there, whether they meant to help, or harm. They really scared me, and my fear may have protected me from any other incidents over the years.

 

Again, I am glad you and your son are safe. Breathe deep. It's over.

[Gsea]

just need a place to do a little venting, if that's alright. i find that dc is the only place i'm totally anonymous; if my friends & gf weren't following me on tumblr, that's where this would be.

 

anyway. i have anxiety. and i don't know if i should ask my parents about medication, or if i can even be medicated. but it's disrupting my entire life. on a normal day, i'm pretty much at a maximum level of stress. because of school, family, and other miscellaneous things, i'm always quite stressed, but it's manageable and i've become very used to it. however, because of my anxiety, my fragile state of mind, and the fact that i'm at max stress, even the slightest thing added onto the pile of stressors just tips me over the edge.

 

for example: i've recently acquired a girlfriend. i really really like her and when we are together, i'm quite happy. but i haven't told my parents about her yet, so that stresses me out. whenever she asks me to hang out with her, i start to stress. i think "oh, now i have to ask my mom if i can hang out with her tomorrow. i don't have a car, so i need a ride. i should really learn to drive. that's another stressful thought. but for now, mom will have to drive me. what if she suspects we're dating? it would be easier if i just told her. but when do i tell her? i should wait until she's in a good mood. what if she's weird about the fact i'm dating a girl? she'll be okay with it but it's still uncomfortable. what if she tells people? i don't want to deal with that. i'll just put this off until later." and repeat.

 

also, i have a tendency to dip in and out of periods of sadness (i don't want to toss around the word depression). it seems that i'm in one of those phases right now. i've been feeling quite down, so i really don't want to be around anyone. but now i have the responsibility to be with my girlfriend. i always get soo worked up before going out with her, and once i feel anxious, it's very hard to come down from it. when we hang out, i always think "she's so lovely. i am so happy. why was i ever anxious about hanging out? i'll try to NOT be anxious next time" ...it never works.

 

idk where i was going with this. i just have a lot of pent-up anxiety and the fact that i'm stressed with no remedy just stresses me out more and then i get overwhelmed with anxiety and end up binge-eating, feeling ill, lying down because it's all just too much, panicking because i have so much homework/studying to do and i'm wasting my time being sad/anxious/eating/lying around, and then THAT panic just makes me think "there's no possible way my brain can handle any more stress. what's wrong with me? why can't i handle life like a normal person?" and the thought that maybe i should seek help stresses me out even more.

 

:///

[georgexu94]

@glamoursea2: Firstly, I don't think that you can "handle life as a normal person" because everyone has their own way of coping with life as well as not being able to cope up with life. Everyone has their own unique set of problems- exactly why different kinds of people are in this thread seeking comfort. In essence, there is no normal person. You can also now say that you are coping life like a person.

 

Moving on, in my opinion, hiding something makes you a slave. It simply increases anxiety. It's better to have it out. Tell your mom and if she is accepting then that is good. If she's not then well, that's her thing. You'll be surprised to see wonders!

 

Regarding your girlfriend, well, when you are out, simply enjoy the moment. This is actually easy said than done. Nobody can help you for that. You have to help you for yourself. We can only offer help as much.

 

Regarding studies, well, people struggle with work. We all have different styles of learning. Find yours. Also, we all have different expertise. If you are having problems with science, go and seek someone who is expert in that field. For example, I myself am weak in Accounting and Finance, but then I strived had under the tutelage of my sister's friend who is literally almost god level in the field. That helped me a lot as he gave me a lot of problems to work with as well as giving solutions.

 

So, take it step by step. Don't jump into more difficult school work. Go into basics. Learn it at an idiot level. Never be ashamed of asking help and ask to be taught at an idiot stage where you learned nothing.

 

Best wishes and have a lovely day!

[brisingrrider1]

@glamoursea2

 

I see that georgexu94 has replied already, but I wish to add on to his statement about your parents. If you feel you are at risk and you doubt their acceptance of homosexuality or whatever it is you are dealing with here that is seen as abnormal to society, I would not recommend telling them and putting you and your girlfriend at risk. If you choose to tell them which is perfectly fine, just make sure you have a plan if it goes wrong.

 

Planning might be able to help you as well in daily life. Even knowing, say, what you'll study first when you get home can help ease some stress. And also remember that it's perfectly okay to cry and it's okay to take a break.

 

Your mental health is important and it would benefit you to do what your body wants to do, take a break, eat/drink something.