Emotional Support

[AngesRadieux]

So this has kind of been an ongoing issue for me for the past week, but I'm still kind of struggling with it. I've posted about it before, but I need to let off more steam, because I'm just incredibly frustrated.

 

We're reading Don Juan in my French literature class. For those who don't know, it's a play by Moliere which was incredibly subversive because Don Juan doesn't respect any sort of institution and is an atheist. Which is fine. I'm not offended by reading about the character. In fact, when we began Don Juan, I was actually rather enjoying it. But then my professor, who is also an atheist, decided that teaching us about the character of Don Juan was an invitation to begin teaching us about her personal beliefs.

 

On Monday, she started laughing and made a remark about the Bible being a ridiculous fable. I'm generally pretty open minded. I don't mind hearing what other people believe, but I was really offended when she started openly laughing and ridiculing my faith, particularly because it was coming out during Holy Week. But I guess I kind of hoped it would be a one time thing.

 

In class on Thursday, she continued using the characters as an invitation to tell us what she thinks of Christianity. We were discussing the scene in which Don Juan's servant is challenging his lack of belief in a god or afterlife. First, there was an aside about how we should all be familiar with the argument, because it's the argument Christians always use when confronted with an atheist. My reaction was kind of "Well, thank you for putting words in my mouth, but that's actually not something I would ever say." Mostly because, frankly, it doesn't even occur to me to try to debate it if someone says they're an atheist. And besides, how many times she's been face with that particular argument is entirely beside the point and not relevant to our understanding of the scene.

 

But she pressed onward with her ideas on religion. What really frustrated me was when she said "Well, whatever any of you might believe, I think we can all at least agree that the Bible is in the realm of literature and fable". Excuse me? Yes, I will agree with you that it is a narrative. The stories come to us second hand. I will also agree that it is based entirely on faith, because ultimately I can't prove that God exists anymore than an atheist can prove that there is no God. But I won't agree that it is the same as a fable. I don't agree that it's the same as works that are meant to be entirely fictional, with a moral at the end.

 

Are there parables within the Bible? Definitely. Is it all meant to be taken literally? I don't believe so. But to me, the Crucifixion is not just a fable. It's not just a story designed to teach children a lesson. And I really don't think not wanting to call it a fable makes me irrational the way my professor implied it would.

 

I'm just beyond frustrated. Before this, I liked the class and I was also looking forward to reading the play. I enjoyed what I had seen of it before my professor started talking about it. But I've found the discussions relating to the play so unpleasant that now I really don't want anything to do with it or even the class anymore. My motivation is completely and totally gone. I have a revision of a paper due tomorrow (I know it was likely unintentional, but after her remarks about Christianity as a fable, having her assign homework over Easter weekend was an especially bitter pill to swallow. Particularly when in the past she's always given us a week for these types of assignments rather than just a weekend), and I'm putting it off for as long as possible.

 

But the part that frustrates me the most is that I feel like I can't do or say anything. I can't leave. I didn't say anything about her "I think we can all agree we're in the realm of the fable", even though I found the comment offensive, because I don't want to risk getting on her bad side. Our grade consists assignments that are very subjective, and while I want to think she wouldn't be so underhanded, I don't want to open myself up to the chance that she might find reasons to take off a few extra points here and there.

 

But I'm not there to listen to her ridicule Christianity. I'm not there for her to solicit agreement about whether the Bible is in the domain of fables. I'm there to learn about French literature from the Old Regime. So by all means, I'd love to discuss the character of Don Juan. Tell me all about his opinions and his motivations. I just don't like that she's taken the characters' opinions as an invitation to ridicule and demean my faith.

 

I know it's not personal. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know I'm a Christian, and I think Christians may be in the minority in my class. I get that it wasn't any sleight against me, and I also understand that her intention probably wasn't to offend. It's entirely possible that I'm being overly sensitive. But the first time she went on one of her spiels, she interjected, "And I'm sorry to any Christians in the room, I don't meant to hurt your feelings, but come on!". Generally, a good rule of thumb is if you have to say anything along the lines of "no offense", your comment is going to be offensive.

 

Anyway, sorry for the wall of text. I'm just frustrated and particularly aggravated that there's really nothing I can do about the situation except try my best to ignore it.

[Omega Entity]

Omega Entity: I guess my inspiration feels quite the same as before, but something about finishing the sketch digitally makes me back away and feel bad. I've also never seen others' work as a goal to reach, since I know I'll never make it there.

Getting critique about my work feels kinda unnerving, because it only makes me realize that I have done so many things wrong.

Also I don't know if the friends of mine have even thought of that; I don't think they would see my work as better than theirs in any way, since I make my 'art' with Gimp and mouse, and they have drawing tablets and all the greater stuff. u n u

 

Georgexu94: I don't even know if I have any good points, everything looks so messy and scrambled through, even if I tried my best to make it look good. I'm not even a beginner anymore, because I've been drawing for over four years now.

I also have no idea about any other techniques I could use in Gimp. Ó~O I'm still practicing almost every day, but I feel like I can't get anywhere.

 

Thanks for the help though, I actually feel a little better now. ~ I'm really sorry about being so whiny, I'm just too bad at appreciating something I make myself...

And therein lies the kicker. If you aren't aware of where your weak spots are, then you can't (or rather, it's much, much harder) to improve. If you don't want to, then that's fine. It's just that I hear a lot of people complain about how their art isn't where they want it to be, but as soon as they're offered constructive criticism, they suddenly are happy with where they are because they apparently don't want to put in the work to get better. And it is work. No one's born with the ability to paint Rembrandt-level pieces. Some have more aptitude, yes. But anyone can be decent at it if they put in the effort.

 

By the way, the way I do critiques isn't harsh. I tend to point out good things as well, and suggest things to work on as well as techniques to help you get there. Critiques don't have to be a terrible experience. Now, if it were an art school, they're absolutely brutal. I don't do brutal. I have a metric crapton of things I need to work on with my skills, and that's okay! It's all part of the learning process.

Edited April 5, 2015 by Omega Entity

[georgexu94]

Reply to AngesRadieux:

*grabs some piles of paper along with my mental notes* I decided to delay replying in case I might make a mistake. This is more of personal views, I think, that you should consult with your prof. In my philo class, I frequently consult with my prof. She's incredibly nice. We would talk like it was a simple chat over tea, and I would tell her how I agree with this philosopher while not completely agreeing with this other (*cough* Rene Descartes *cough*). She would help me understand that the course is about understanding the history of this emerging thoughts. It's quite pleasant. So, go to your prof and discuss this religion or theology issues. Tell her how you feel uncomfy when she started talking about how the Bible is a mere fable. Maybe she'll clear things up. Maybe you'll learn from each other about differing views.

 

However! (Hold your horses!) if she simply waved off your views instead of respecting them, then we'll know what kind of prof she is, not some respectable. Anyway, in all cases, I'll still recommend you to think of your grades and endure the whole (semester?) term. Sometimes there are just such classes that aren't worth it and you just want to drop out of it, but still mind and have mercy in your grades. For our uni, we have the option to drop out of class in the earlier parts of the term in case you dislike the class or conflict in schedule, and without harming your grades. Check with your school (but I think, isn't it late already this time of the year? *shrugs*) Best of luck to you! And hopefully, it turns out well.

 

*face palm* Sorry, I'm not the best person to talk about theology.

[AngesRadieux]

I guess I don't feel entirely comfortable talking to her about it because she's been so demeaning about it in class. I mean, it's not like I have a problem with her just being an atheist. It came up pretty early on in the semester, but it was kind of a remark made in passing. We were working with twelfth century literature, so of course there were a lot of religious motifs and while discussing that a basic understanding of Christian principles is really necessary when reading many medieval texts, she interjected that she's an atheist. At that point, I didn't particularly care. I still found her to be pretty nice and knowledgeable and the course material (for the most part) was interesting.

 

It's really when she started openly laughing about how stupid she thought Christianity sounded in class that I started having a problem and certainly when she decided to say that she thought that everyone, no matter their beliefs, could agree that the Bible was in the realm of the fable. I guess after she started laughing and snickering about how ridiculous the whole thing sounds to her, I'd rather not try talking to her about it because I get the feeling she'll just decide I'm being irrational.

 

But I find it particularly annoying because this isn't a theology class. It's not even close to approaching the realm of theology. Not only do I find her comments dismissive and offensive, but they're also straying from the subject matter and wasting time that could be spent actually learning the material I'm paying for her to teach me.

 

It's definitely too late to drop the class. My school only allows dropping a class without any consequence for maybe the first two weeks of the semester, and them up to about the midway point you can drop a class and receive a "w" on your transcript. Both dates have long since passed. But, it's a class I need to take for my minor and I'm planning to be done with my degree at the end of the fall semester, so even if the dates weren't passed, it still wouldn't really be worth it to drop the class.

 

I don't know. I guess the fact that she was disrespectful enough to make me feel like it's an issue makes her come off as really unapproachable. It may not seem that way from my ranting, but I'm actually not all that easily offended over religion. People can believe whatever they want. They can tell me all about it. And I really don't mind reading literature that involves atheism. I guess for me the line was really crossed first when she started laughing and had an outburst about what a "ridiculous fable" Christian teachings are, and then again when she commented that she thought that everyone in the class, regardless of beliefs, could at least agree with her that discussing religion entered in to the realm of the fable.

 

But I'm probably not explaining myself very clearly. I don't know. It's not often I find myself so thoroughly and completely turned off to a class over religion. I really don't mind learning about other peoples' beliefs. It's the fact that I felt that my own beliefs were being ridiculed that really set me on edge, particularly because this isn't a theology class or even a history or philosophy class, so I find discussing what the professor thinks of religion to be entirely irrelevant, anyway.

/sigh

 

Sorry for the giant wall of text. I have this particular class in just a couple hours, so I'm particularly on edge about it as I'm writing this.

[MedievalMystic]

That teacher is a jackass. Grit your teeth, focus on your work in there, and realize that you only have to deal with this woman for a very, very small increment of time in your life. Once this class is finished, you can put it...and her...behind you. She's just a blip on your screen.

[Fuzzbucket]

Anges - in your place (and yes, I am old and fearless and don't give a monkey's about causing a ruck if it's deserved) if talking to her doesn't help, I would consult with someone one step up from her. Because ridiculing anyone's faith in a class is inexcusable.

 

That said - if you think it might mess with your grades - wait till the end of the course and THEN go for her. But she can't be allowed to get away with this. And while the class is going on - the odd comment about "can we get back to the subject please" wouldn't hurt...

 

edited for typo

Edited April 6, 2015 by fuzzbucket

[MedievalMystic]

Anges - in your place (and yes, I am old and fearless and don't give a monkey's about causing a ruck if it's deserved) if talking to her doesn't help, I would consult with someone one step up from her. Because ridiculing anyone's faith in a class is inexcusable.

 

That said - if you think it might mess with your grades - wait till the end of the course and THEN go for her. But she can't be allowed to get away with this. And while the class is going on - the odd comment about "can we get back to the subject please" wouldn't hurt...

 

This too.

[JavaTigress]

Anges - in your place (and yes, I am old and fearless and don't give a monkey's about causing a ruck if it's deserved) if talking to her doesn't help, I would consult with someone one step up from her. Because ridiculing anyone's faith in a class is inexcusable.

 

That said - if you think it might mess with your grades - wait till the end of the course and THEN go for her. But she can't be allowed to get away with this. And while the class is going on - the odd comment about "can we get back to the subject please" wouldn't hurt...

 

edited for typo

I'm inclined to agree and I am not that old.

 

At least you will know not to take classes with that particular instructor anymore if NOTHING else.

 

Not sharing someone else's faith is one thing, but deliberately going out of your way to mock and belittle someone else for their faith is another again. PARTICULARLY if the subject you are being paid t teach requires a solid understanding of said faith, even IF not a sharing of it. It would SEEM that if you are teaching a class, then the subject, at least, ought to be treated respectfully... especially given that some people still DO hold to those beliefs and principles that are being mocked AND as was pointed out... it was a LITERATURE class not a THEOLOGY or PHILOSPHY class. . That seems to me to be EXTREMELY unprofessional behavior if you ask me.

Edited April 6, 2015 by Silverswift

[georgexu94]

Alright, after that I can now reinforce beloved fuzz's standpoint. You shouldn't let anyone ridicule someone's faith. That is flatout rude. If you feel that she isn't someone who is approachable, or who will ridicule you, perhaps go to someone else, like someone of higher position as what fuzz said. Someone like the department head for literature, or the dean of the school (of humanities).

 

Anges - in your place (and yes, I am old and fearless and don't give a monkey's about causing a ruck if it's deserved) if talking to her doesn't help, I would consult with someone one step up from her. Because ridiculing anyone's faith in a class is inexcusable.

 

That said - if you think it might mess with your grades - wait till the end of the course and THEN go for her. But she can't be allowed to get away with this. And while the class is going on - the odd comment about "can we get back to the subject please" wouldn't hurt...

Edited April 6, 2015 by georgexu94

[AngesRadieux]

Thanks guys. It was a little better today, though I think that's owing to the fact that we're approaching the point in the play when Don Juan's atheism is going to lead to his undoing, so it's getting harder for her to use the play to support her "Christianity is stupid" remarks.

 

But, because I'm a super mature adult, I decides to wear my crucifix to class today. As far as confrontation goes, that's about as rebellious as I get. I really don't like making a scene. ^^; I'm also aware that I only have to put up with her for about five more weeks, which helps. I'm finishing my French minor over the summer, so I never have to take another course with her.

 

But her comments about what Christians say still annoy me. I know she's talking about what people have actually said to her, but one it's irrelevant and two she does it in a way that comes off as a generalization. Today it was "Christians think morality only comes from God, so they don't understand how atheists can be good people". But personally, I definitely don't think that only the religious can have morals, and upon learning that someone's an atheist, it would never even occur to me to ask how they knew right from wrong.

 

But she was definitely more subdued this class, so maybe things will get better and the semester can be salvaged. I will entertain some hope for now.

[Fuzzbucket]

Her superiors still need to be made aware that she does this. Because it is NOT acceptable teaching practice.

[AngesRadieux]

Her superiors still need to be made aware that she does this. Because it is NOT acceptable teaching practice.

I know, I'm just so not confrontational at all. :/ As angry as her comments made me, the idea of complaining terrifies me. Especially because I'm going to be applying for graduate schools in the not too distant future and I'm afraid burning bridges with professors at this point could really hurt me in terms of letters of recommendation.

[Raistlin24]

Is there any student representation group? I don't know if this is the proper name, but my college has a group of students who, among other things, take that kind complaints to whoever they need to. If such a group exists, your name should be left out of the situation (better tell them though, in case they don't think it's obvious that the complaint is supposed to be anonymous). They may even have a box where you can write a letter explaining what the situation is without having to talk to them in person.

Edited April 6, 2015 by Raistlin24

[LupaWulf]

I know, I'm just so not confrontational at all. :/ As angry as her comments made me, the idea of complaining terrifies me. Especially because I'm going to be applying for graduate schools in the not too distant future and I'm afraid burning bridges with professors at this point could really hurt me in terms of letters of recommendation.

If something isn't said, no one will know there is a problem.

 

If a teacher was pushing Christianity on an atheist or pagan student there would be an issue too, your problem is just as bad.

 

I can see your point, but maybe she has no concept of how insensitive she is acting towards her Christian students. I believe there are rules in most institutions regarding tolerance,particularly focused on staff. She is creating a hostile environment that is impacting the quality of your education which you are paying for.

 

It is worth speaking up.

 

 

Actually, there might be an anonomous reporting for intolerance and what seems like nearly bullying on her part on your school's webpage. I only know where it is for the college where I work. But it's something big nation wide, if you See Something, Say Something.

Edited April 7, 2015 by LupaWulf

[Lady_Lunevis]

hh so idk this is just more of an angry rant at myself other than anything else

any tips on dealing with / how you got past jealousy?????

idk it's just maybe it's just me being paranoid and unhappy with myself but everyone i know is super successful??? i mean i have friends that are learning their third language and skipping ahead into grade 11 classes and juggling work and school and people who are getting love confessions daily

i even have a friend who just went to japan like

am i just not getting onto the system or something bc everyone's suddenly just wow boom enjoying their life and i'm still here like the only thing i can draw is a stickman and i'm struggling in math

 

i mean i am genuinely happy for them; but sometimes its just really hard to reel back the voice in my head that says 'everyone is so much better than you and you're not going to accomplish anything wow what a failure'

and idk its just it's really getting out of hand bc it's gotten to the point where jealousy and self loathing have just kinda mixed together into this giant mess of i hate myself & everyone in this building

just... ugh. idk why everyone i know is super successful and i'm rly scared i'm just gonna kinda live in a shadow forever like even if i went to japan or learnt a third language or finished a grade 11 class in grade 11 i'll still be that person who did it like years after everyone else did and it just feels rly awful

it's honestly gotten to the point where i had to stop being friends with this girl bc she would constantly talk about how successful she was and who confessed to her that day and how she woke up covered in sparkles and there was a rainbow outside her window or smth and its awful of me i know but she kept talking about things and i was like, wow, i can't do this

and there's the fact everyone else seems really ???? idk ???? not all my friends do this but i know like three people who are like A+++ successful and they just act so ????

theyll be like "oh wow i can't believe some people get below 90%" and ill be like "uh" and they'll be like "oh right das you" and it's just like, wait, excuse me, what,

or when people go "ew i got a low A that's sooo awful i can't live with myself"

it just makes ????? me feel so incredibly put down bc like hello i worked hard for 86% and here you are going "lmao i didn't even try" or "omg i can't live with myself this is so awful"

the other day we were talking about french class and everyone knows im struggling in french bc je ne sais pas and i made a joke about the french teacher scaring me and this girl which i'll call A and is the source of all that is bad in this world literally went "why bc she speaks a second language and you don't????" and i was like "um wait i speak mandarin" and she was like "but not completely you can't write or read it right you can't call that speaking" and just idk she's right and wow i'm so

and i'm literally done with the fact they won't stop talking about the fact i didn't make it into math honours like yes i know i'm struggling in math i passed with an a in normal math that's good enough what more do you want from me

just.... i don't know. all my friends speak three languages at the minimum and are incredibly talented and never cease to tell me about all their successes and i know they're doing it bc they wanna share their success but i'm still so ???? it just makes me so by e

i'm a horrible person i know sorry for the long rant

[rabbithaver]

Awhile ago I got into a heated debate on another thread, and it turned sour fast because I became emotional a couple of times. I got very rude, very frustrated, and very overwhelmed. My anxiety took over and I went into fight or flight mode, and I ended up chosing fight. A lot of people mistook my anxiety for offense. I am pretty sure everyone involved loathes me. I apologized a little while ago, but I think that just made it worse.

 

Normal people handle this fine, but I can't. Due to some trauma regarding similar incidents in the past, I can't let other people's negative opinions of me go. I've tried, but it's my PTSD that gets in the way. I feel like these people see something I've posted and think things like, "ugh, what a waste of space" or "oh there's that disgusting pile of trash" and "the site was better before they joined". I know I don't have a right to complain; I deserve this for how rude I was, and I absolutely am a disfusting person. But I feel like now I can't make it better. I worry that these people see things like my apologies and think, "god, they're just embarrassed that they look bad" or "too bad, you're a piece of trash and I hope you die" or something like that. I feel like if I acknowledge that I don't deserve their forgiveness, they're going to think "now they're just looking for attention, what an immature moron" or something like that. Hell, they're probably reading this and rolling their eyes because I'm making it all about me.

 

I don't want to hurt anyone. I never did. There was misunderstanding and anger and bitterness, and I took things too far because I'm a gross person. I don't know. It's like I can't win. I just want to go back in time and fix things so people wouldn't have gotten hurt, but I can't. And now it's following me. I know I deserve it, I know I do, I should have to deal with this because of all the trouble I cause. I know thats what these people are thinking, but when I agree with them, it just makes them angrier. I don't know what to do.

 

I just want to make things better. I feel guilty and stupid and worthless. I feel like I need to degrade myself every time I say that so it doesn't come off as me trying to act like I didn't do anything wrong. I feel like they talked about me behind my back, or made fun of me on another website. That's what happened in the past. I just want to make things better. That's it, that's all, and the only way I know how is to agree with them: I'm a selfish, horrible, disgusting person. I try too hard. I sound fake all the time. I do nothing but screw up. I just make everything worse. That's all I can hear in my head anymore.

Edited April 7, 2015 by oddinomaly

[Fuzzbucket]

oddinomaly - all I can say is - have a hug. You certainly haven't offended me, and you NEED a hug. Please feel free to ask for more as required.

[georgexu94]

Reply to Lady L:

You? Pfft... it is you who people should be jealous about. You are kind and sweet, your arts are lovely and you're also attractive.

 

About the 3rd language... well, who needs three languages anyway? *looks away guiltily because he can speak 4 languages* *is trampled by a herd of wild bulls*

[MedievalMystic]

Lady L, it doesn't matter what everyone else is doing. What matters is what YOU'RE doing. And I've got news for you. There will ALWAYS be someone that's better. Always. Better at languages, better at math, better at art, better at athletics, better at...everything. There's no getting around that. That's just life and that's all over the world. So what? What matters is that YOU do YOUR personal best at all you do.

 

Why sweat someone else because they know 10 languages and compare yourself to them? Some people have a natural talent for learning languages. For these people, learning a new language is easy and that's awesome for them and we can admire that in others. The rest of us struggle with languages. In fact, most of us do. It doesn't mean you're inferior. It just means that maybe languages aren't your personal thing.

 

You're still very young. You have strengths you haven't even discovered yet. Put someone with a Doctorate degree and an IQ of 190 with 5 Pulitzers on the shelf, who's never been camping once, into the woods for a month with a survivalist with a high school diploma and years of experience in how to survive off the land and then tell me who's smarter. You may not be a whiz at languages, but you do a hell of a good make up job. Doing really good make up like you do takes artistic ability. There are a lot of different ways to be a really good artist above and beyond the ability to draw. You haven't discovered or explored all your options yet.

 

Btw, that chick that made the snippy comments, she sounds like a silly little twit. That would be no friend of mine. There's blunt and there's condescending and who needs friends that dish out the latter? Any 'friend' that lords it over me or acts superior isn't a friend for long. I think maybe, from the sounds of it, you might want to look at getting some new friends. Your 'friends' sound like a pack of hyenas. So what if you didn't make math honors? Maybe you will next time. The point is for you to give whatever you do in life all you've got. If you've done that and done well, you've got a lot to be proud of. The end.

 

And people that say things like 'OMG! I got an A! Holy crap! Life is ruined! I'll never live this down! I'm going to throw myself from the nearest cliff because I didn't get an A+!', are either REALLY uptight perfectionists in life or are attention seeking drama queens...either way, feel sorry for them, don't envy them. I mean, really?

 

If someone feels the need to toot their own horn all the time that's usually a big, fat neon sign that screams 'INSECURITY'. Nobody that's confident feels the need to announce it to everyone.

 

Anyway, don't let this get to you so badly. Put it into perspective and it's less overwhelming.

Edited April 7, 2015 by MedievalMystic

[TehUltimateMage]

@Lady: Fata let me tell you that the first time I saw your art thread half a year ago, I was so jealous. I hated the attention you were getting and everyone who praised you because you were for years younger that me and you were already really good at pencil drawings and there were just so many people in your topic while mine was just me talking to myself agh

 

Seeing you say stuff like omg my art is trash goodbye just made me feel as you described in your post. It was like anger towards gifted artists of the internet (and one of my friends who is 15 and draws killer horses) and self-loathing where I want to just burn all my drawings.

 

The only thing my black heart could take solace in was that my 'anime' style was better than yours -- but is that any way to think? Like I said in my topic, I've realized that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. All one can do is try to improve one's weaknesses while helping others with one's strengths. (P.S. I might not be the best human drawer, but I've been too shy to offer redlines for you…)

 

When I started to get to know you, I realized that there's no point in hating people for what they're good at. I've been seeing Lady_L now as more of a person rather than just "that 15yr old who is super good at realism". :^)

 

On to the more practical advice though, when I was in grade 8 I was the drama queen who angsted over 98s vs 100s. But that was just me being a drama queen to get attention and feel superior to others ("oh, you got a 78? Well, my dad would beat me if I got anything lower than a 90!"). I just kind of feel secondhand embarrassment now when I hear younger kids doing the same thing and angsting over "low" grades. And trust me -- those grades just keep getting harder to get. I used to be good at math, then calculus happened orz

 

As for the languages, I can't read or write Chinese either. Do I regret dropping out of Saturday Chinese school? Absolutely. But i don't sweat it too much. At least I can speak, which makes it easier for me to learn the language in the future.

 

(Come to think of it, I didn't really have a specialty in high school -- I loved physics but was pretty bad at it and the girl sitting in front of me seemed to get the concepts effortlessly and was all-around good at sports and academics, though I was pretty sure she spent most of her time studying. I was jealous, but I also didn't want to put the extra time in like she did so I guess I just lived with my grade. )

 

 

 

 

@Oddi and @ Mystic: I'm so sorry, but I have to agree with Mystic on that one. Curling up in a corner and 'punishing yourself' might make some people pity you, but you can't overdo it and sometimes you gotta see the good in yourself. :< A lot of people do dislike Mystic I can confirm, but I kind of admire them for saying things others like me are afraid to.

 

I'm guilty of self-flagelation sometimes as well. It's a hard habit to break because your thought process goes "It'll hurt me less if they see i'm trash because I'm trash anyway!" or something like that. It's that sinking feeling you get in your chest when someone calls you out and to protect yourself, you set up a shield to beat yourself down so no one else can.

 

tru life story from me: I made an insensitive joke about religion once during a class discussion and the blunt person (people like Mystic) called me out on that even though it was a harmless quip and everyone there knew me well enough to accept the weird and brash things that come out of my mouth. His words felt like a dagger to the heart and a pit to the stomach; I felt like a dog getting yelled at and wanted to put myself in a corner and beat myself up for being a jerk to all Christians.

 

That exchange, which was just one sentence, haunted me for days and and I finally had the courage to go up to him and apologize. He said that he had forgotten about it already. I made a big hulabaloo out of nothing.

 

I still get those "heart stabs" when people tell me I'm wrong or that I'm doing the wrong thing and I know I get all defensive, but I try my best to recognize when I'm making too much of a thing.

Edited April 7, 2015 by TehUltimateMage

[schmupti]

I know, I'm just so not confrontational at all. :/ As angry as her comments made me, the idea of complaining terrifies me. Especially because I'm going to be applying for graduate schools in the not too distant future and I'm afraid burning bridges with professors at this point could really hurt me in terms of letters of recommendation.

If possible, start recording classes with her, that way if/when you do make an official complaint, you can offer her exact words and nobody can say you're misrepresenting what was said.

 

Also, sometimes folks who have left (a) religion can have trouble hearing how they speak about (that) religion. I once ran into an atheist who couldn't understand how referring to believers as 'delusional' could be insulting, for instance. (Yes, seriously.) She may genuinely believe that she's being neutral and inoffensive, because she can't see her own blind spot there.

 

It's not your job to make her see the difference between discussing Christianity in context of literature vs. dumping her biases on students, but you would be doing her a big favor.

[rabbithaver]

-snip-

 

@Oddi and @ Mystic: I'm so sorry, but I have to agree with Mystic on that one. Curling up in a corner and 'punishing yourself' might make some people pity you, but you can't overdo it and sometimes you gotta see the good in yourself. :< A lot of people do dislike Mystic I can confirm, but I kind of admire them for saying things others like me are afraid to.

 

I'm guilty of self-flagelation sometimes as well. It's a hard habit to break because your thought process goes "It'll hurt me less if they see i'm trash because I'm trash anyway!" or something like that. It's that sinking feeling you get in your chest when someone calls you out and to protect yourself, you set up a shield to beat yourself down so no one else can.

 

tru life story from me: I made an insensitive joke about religion once during a class discussion and the blunt person (people like Mystic) called me out on that even though it was a harmless quip and everyone there knew me well enough to accept the weird and brash things that come out of my mouth. His words felt like a dagger to the heart and a pit to the stomach; I felt like a dog getting yelled at and wanted to put myself in a corner and beat myself up for being a jerk to all Christians.

 

That exchange, which was just one sentence, haunted me for days and and I finally had the courage to go up to him and apologize. He said that he had forgotten about it already. I made a big hulabaloo out of nothing.

 

I still get those "heart stabs" when people tell me I'm wrong or that I'm doing the wrong thing and I know I get all defensive, but I try my best to recognize when I'm making too much of a thing.

I think Mystic edited their post, because I can't see what they wrote, so I can't reply to them. Welp.

 

I don't know how else to deal witth this, though. Like, I can't just get over it as much as I would like to. I don't like being this way. I don't want pity, either. I don't know what I want beyond finding some way to fix it all.

 

I want to get rid of these heart stabs, because I immediately panic and overdo everything. It makes me look bad, and people who don't know me just assume I like creating drama. Everyone else seems to handle things like this just fine, and I want to be like that, instead of this dumb little ball of panic that I usually am.

[Fuzzbucket]

I think Mystic edited their post, because I can't see what they wrote, so I can't reply to them. Welp.

 

I don't know how else to deal with this, though. Like, I can't just get over it as much as I would like to. I don't like being this way. I don't want pity, either. I don't know what I want beyond finding some way to fix it all.

 

I want to get rid of these heart stabs, because I immediately panic and overdo everything. It makes me look bad, and people who don't know me just assume I like creating drama. Everyone else seems to handle things like this just fine, and I want to be like that, instead of this dumb little ball of panic that I usually am.

I can get that - but I don't honestly think posting in great detail will help. Suer - if you upset someone by posting something - edit your post and apologise - maybe even backed up by a PM. But posting as you did before - did it make you feel better ? I'd be surprised if it did.

 

Calm down. People here cared enough to respond. That tells you you can't be quite the waste of space you thought. What makes you think we all handle things fine ? If I weren't so embarrassed, I could tell you some ghastly situations I've been in - we all have.

 

Fixing it all - one step at a time. It won't happen in one afternoon. You have said you need help. That is a huge step. It will work out in the end - now, go and smell a rose or something

[rabbithaver]

I can get that - but I don't honestly think posting in great detail will help. Suer - if you upset someone by posting something - edit your post and apologise - maybe even backed up by a PM. But posting as you did before - did it make you feel better ? I'd be surprised if it did.

 

Calm down. People here cared enough to respond. That tells you you can't be quite the waste of space you thought.  What makes you think we all handle things fine ? If I weren't so embarrassed, I could tell you some ghastly situations I've been in - we all have.

 

Fixing it all - one step at a time. It won't happen in one afternoon. You have said you need help. That is a huge step. It will work out in the end - now, go and smell a rose or something

This really helped a lot, actually. I get so caught up in the negativity that I forget other people care still. Thank you.

Edited April 7, 2015 by oddinomaly

[Fuzzbucket]

This really helped a lot, actually. I get so caught up in the negativity that I forget other people care still. Thank you.

You're very welcome. Now go find some pretty eggs