Emotional Support

[Katie92]

One of my best friends was just disowned by her parents for being atheistic. I don't know what to do.

[renlacarne]

I'm not entirely sure what to do about a friendship thats actually related to DC... it feels borderline emotionally manipulative (due to this and other things) and I have to be the epitome of sensitivity and act as a therapist to this person through random bouts of stubborn anger and then utterly devastating depression that follows but the first time (ie now) where I do not react well to something gets her angry at me for not taking her 'joke' well.

 

Her joke was made from me asking for clarification of a question and her retorting with:

it means [this] *rolls eyes*

i guess you dont read much

 

I don't like implications that im stupid or unintelligent and she tried to say that it was a joke

It certainly doesn't FEEL like a joke to me especially since I grew up being constantly told I was retarded for having ADHD.

 

But regardless of it when I didnt react well she got angry at me for having a sensitivity to implications I'm unintelligent merely because I wasnt processing the words she was using and absentmindedly asked for clarification as to what she meant.

I'm not entirely sure how to deal with her at this point and I don't particularly feel like groveling for something that isn't my fault and I did notice I didn't really get any kind of apology or reparation for her words and how they hurt me.

 

Any advice?

[MedievalMystic]

I'm not entirely sure what to do about a friendship thats actually related to DC... it feels borderline emotionally manipulative (due to this and other things) and I have to be the epitome of sensitivity and act as a therapist to this person through random bouts of stubborn anger and then utterly devastating depression that follows but the first time (ie now) where I do not react well to something gets her angry at me for not taking her 'joke' well.

 

Her joke was made from me asking for clarification of a question and her retorting with:

it means [this] *rolls eyes*

i guess you dont read much

 

I don't like implications that im stupid or unintelligent and she tried to say that it was a joke

It certainly doesn't FEEL like a joke to me especially since I grew up being constantly told I was retarded for having ADHD.

 

But regardless of it when I didnt react well she got angry at me for having a sensitivity to implications I'm unintelligent merely because I wasnt processing the words she was using and absentmindedly asked for clarification as to what she meant.

I'm not entirely sure how to deal with her at this point and I don't particularly feel like groveling for something that isn't my fault and I did notice I didn't really get any kind of apology or reparation for her words and how they hurt me.

 

Any advice?

 

Personally, I don't want to associate with anyone I have to tip toe around. People like that are too high maintenance, imo. I like to tell it like it is and be honest and if someone can't handle that and gets their panties in a knot because I tell them the truth, even nicely worded, I don't have the time, or any desire, to soothe them into a good mood again if they go off the deep end or have a hissy fit because I didn't toe their personal line. Sounds to me like you've got one of those on your hands. Someone that makes jokes at my expense and then gets pissed because I don't find it amusing isn't anyone I'd want around. Who needs it?

 

I've given this advice before, but to me it's worth giving again...and again and again and again...If someone, anyone, makes you feel like crap, makes you feel less rather than more, brings you down instead of up, brings you negativity instead of the positive the majority of the time and it's become a pattern or the norm, lose them. WHY it's that way doesn't matter. The fact that it is that way is the bottom line and that's all you need to know and good riddance. The end.

 

One of my best friends was just disowned by her parents for being atheistic. I don't know what to do.

 

There's nothing you can do except listen if she wants to talk.

Edited March 25, 2015 by MedievalMystic

[renlacarne]

Thanks mystic

I think ill provide her with an ultimatum of dont treat me like your therapist or your verbal punching bag or dont talk to me

[MedievalMystic]

I think ill provide her with an ultimatum of dont treat me like your therapist or your verbal punching bag or dont talk to me

 

Exactly.

[shadowfighter]

I haven't been sleeping well for the past few weeks, and because of that, my grades have fallen behind... I really need a chance to work on something that I enjoy, but every time I try, I'm interrupted. Being a teenager and having to deal with finding my identity(gender)/grades/social life/jobs/chores/homework/classes/family/health issues, I am working really really hard to figure stuff out. And it really doesn't help that my mom doesn't support my choices. I am swamped in school, pressured to be everything I'm not in social situations, and struggling to find out who I am, most nights I end up curled on my bed crying. I just don't even know anymore. I'm getting drowned under piles of obligations and expectations that I can't handle, and even though my dad listens to me, he won't say anything to my mom, and whenever I try, she starts yelling at me because I have it easy compared to her childhood, and I should suck it up and deal with it because otherwise I'd be an expletive I can't say here. It's getting very hard for me to keep going this way, and I can already tell that I've started cracking. I've become extremely easily irritable, I'm getting violent, and my past bad habits have started coming back (stress eating, and stealing) and to top it off, because life has to be a jerk, the insomnia I already have, is getting worse due to the stress, which causes more stress, which causes more insomnia, and so on and so forth..... I guess, I'm just ready to give up.

 

(Sorry for the wall of text, needed to get this out though.)

[Syiren]

I haven't been sleeping well for the past few weeks, and because of that, my grades have fallen behind... I really need a chance to work on something that I enjoy, but every time I try, I'm interrupted. Being a teenager and having to deal with finding my identity(gender)/grades/social life/jobs/chores/homework/classes/family/health issues, I am working really really hard to figure stuff out. And it really doesn't help that my mom doesn't support my choices. I am swamped in school, pressured to be everything I'm not in social situations, and struggling to find out who I am, most nights I end up curled on my bed crying. I just don't even know anymore. I'm getting drowned under piles of obligations and expectations that I can't handle, and even though my dad listens to me, he won't say anything to my mom, and whenever I try, she starts yelling at me because I have it easy compared to her childhood, and I should suck it up and deal with it because otherwise I'd be an expletive I can't say here. It's getting very hard for me to keep going this way, and I can already tell that I've started cracking. I've become extremely easily irritable, I'm getting violent, and my past bad habits have started coming back (stress eating, and stealing) and to top it off, because life has to be a jerk, the insomnia I already have, is getting worse due to the stress, which causes more stress, which causes more insomnia, and so on and so forth..... I guess, I'm just ready to give up.

 

(Sorry for the wall of text, needed to get this out though.)

*Hugs you tightly*

 

Believe me, you're doing an amazing job of trying to handle all of this and there's no easy way to fight it. Your mother is the one with the problem. She needs to realize that everyone is different and we deal with stress in different ways. As the mother it's her job to be there to support you and offer hot chocolate and warm hugs and that oh-so helpful shoulder to cry on. It's not her job to be-little you because she thinks she had it worse.

 

She might have struggled too, but then you'd think it'd make her realize that you might need that support that she never got and that she'd try to do what for you what she never had. Parents are supposed to want to give their kids a better life than they had, not tell them to 'suck it up'. Besdies, how can she even begin to think you need to get over it when she has no idea what the problem is because she never lets you tell her whats wrong? If you can't get a word in edgewise how can she begin to know the heavy burden your carrying.

 

Is there a way you can speak to a school consular? Or maybe have your dad set up an appointment with a doctor who can refer you to someone that you can talk to professionally?

 

*gives more hugs*

 

Don't feel bad about the length of a post either. This is what this thread is for.

 

 

 

~*~

 

The reason why I'm here is because of a lot of emotion that's threatening to overtake me this morning. Fear, I'm anxious, I'm stress, irritated and scared with just a hint of feeling pleased with myself.

 

I woke up at 8-ish this morning and decided to go back to sleep. That was a mistake. Two hours later I'm startled awake by the sounds of my mother screaming. Wondering what the hell is wrong I launch myself out of bed, I didn't even stop to put my glasses on. My cat had been sleeping on the kitchen counter and had fallen off. When he landed, he hit his head and it caused him to start thrashing. Mom was trying to catch him, but his claws are very sharp and he was rolling around too much. Finally he ended up under the couch. -this was all before I arrived in the living room-.

 

The second I enter, mom's just standing there, looking at the couch, not sure what to do. I'm not mad at her, because she's scared, but the first thought that comes to mind is, "Move the couch" I move the table first and then try to move the big heavy couch. It won't budge. So I ask her to move it and have to yell at her to get her moving. Again, she was panicked, and my yelling was just to get her to act.

 

We move the couch and Taz is finally calm now and laying on his stomach with his paws under him, looking at us. Mom picks him up and is finally able to calm down, while checking to see if he's hurt at all.

 

Only when she says, he's okay does whatever energy I had give out and I dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes. My heart is pounding in my chest so hard that it hurts and I was almost hyperventilating I was breathing so hard. I was starting to struggle to catch my breath and my arm was dead asleep, which I didn't even notice until after my adrenaline rush faded. After I was finally able to calm myself a bit and get my breathing under control I....started laughing. It wasn't funny. It was just a way to relieve some of the stress.

 

After giving it some thought I was finally able to put my emotions in check. My anxiety was from worry for Taz and for mom. My anger was that she was too panicked and was just standing there crying. My thought was, crying isn't going to help him! And part of why that angered me is, she used to be the one to do what I did. When I was a kid and got hurt or scared, she was the one who buckled down and took charge. It's just weird having that role switched. Again, I'm not blaming her, and I understand. I wanted to tell her that, but she was already frazzled enough.

And the reason why I was pleased was because firstly Taz was alright. I don't know what caused him to thrash around. (Mom think seizure, but I say it's either that or he was in one of those realistically vivid dreams, but this has happened before so I dunno) The other reason was because I didn't panic, instead I knew what had to be done. I thought clearly and acted quickly. Actually, I didn't even really think. I just knew what I had to do.

 

Mom took a walk downtown to mail a package and go to the bank and probably to try and clear her stress. I'm just trying to do the same here. My nerves are still a bit shaky right now.

[Esko]

I haven't been sleeping well for the past few weeks, and because of that, my grades have fallen behind... I really need a chance to work on something that I enjoy, but every time I try, I'm interrupted. Being a teenager and having to deal with finding my identity(gender)/grades/social life/jobs/chores/homework/classes/family/health issues, I am working really really hard to figure stuff out. And it really doesn't help that my mom doesn't support my choices. I am swamped in school, pressured to be everything I'm not in social situations, and struggling to find out who I am, most nights I end up curled on my bed crying. I just don't even know anymore. I'm getting drowned under piles of obligations and expectations that I can't handle, and even though my dad listens to me, he won't say anything to my mom, and whenever I try, she starts yelling at me because I have it easy compared to her childhood, and I should suck it up and deal with it because otherwise I'd be an expletive I can't say here. It's getting very hard for me to keep going this way, and I can already tell that I've started cracking. I've become extremely easily irritable, I'm getting violent, and my past bad habits have started coming back (stress eating, and stealing) and to top it off, because life has to be a jerk, the insomnia I already have, is getting worse due to the stress, which causes more stress, which causes more insomnia, and so on and so forth..... I guess, I'm just ready to give up.

 

(Sorry for the wall of text, needed to get this out though.)

*hugs you tightly*

 

You got to do something. You need to work with your dad to get you consuling, a doctor, something. And it would probably be best to not tell your mother about appointments and such. She seems to be acting so badly about your emotions, she might act badly about you lettng them out to another person. But the point is, do something. Your mom won't help, it seems like your father doesn't want to get caught in the line of fire (which he needs to if he cares about his child) so you need to take this into your own hands. Things are only going to go downhill of you don't do anything.

 

Not sure if this helped at all, but I wish you the best

*gives hugs and a cookie*

 

Now I am starting to go through this stuff. Figuring out my sexiality, who I truley am, ect. In fact, I don't think that is even happening yet. However, when it does, what will my father say? My grandparents? My father told my sister "If you do turn out not straight, I will still be there" but does he truley think so? Does he think so but not know how he will really react? Wil he act so to me? How will other family members react if I turn out lesibian? What if I am aesexual and cannot fall in love? If I never have children even though it sounds like my family wants me to? My dad might support me, and maybe my grandparents, but what about my other family? My aunts and uncles? My mom, who's not in the best mental state? What will happen?

 

Guys, I am scared

[Omega Entity]

Syrien, sounds like you had an adrenalin rush and subsequent crash when the emergency was over, which is completely normal! Some people freeze in those situations (like your mom), and some people act (like you did). Everything's okay, just take some deep breaths. You did good!

 

Esko, does your father have a track record of saying one thing, then backtracking on it down the road? And I mean on a regular basis, not a once-in-a-while kind of thing. If not, trust him in what he's said. He sounds pretty open-minded, and I don't think he would have said something like that to your sister if he didn't already have a pretty firm grasp on what he feels is acceptable.

 

You might even consider discussing with him what you've said here - he sounds like he could be a good reassurance for you, and might give you the support you seem to need when trying to figure everything out. He'd also know better about how your mom might react as well, and could likely help on that front, should it come to pass that you're outside the binary.

 

As for extended family - who cares! If the most important people in your life accept you for who you are, the rest of them can either go along for the ride or stuff a sock in it.

 

No matter what, you're going to come across people who disagree, be it family or otherwise, but you just need to be you. You sound like you might have the beginnings of a good support system if you let it, and in the end, that's really important.

[Rachel72]

Thanks, Sock. My stomach isn't bothering me as much today, so I'm hoping that's a good sign.

I don't know why you're having stomach issues. Have you tried ProBiotics?

[Esko]

 

Esko, does your father have a track record of saying one thing, then backtracking on it down the road? And I mean on a regular basis, not a once-in-a-while kind of thing. If not, trust him in what he's said. He sounds pretty open-minded, and I don't think he would have said something like that to your sister if he didn't already have a pretty firm grasp on what he feels is acceptable.

 

You might even consider discussing with him what you've said here - he sounds like he could be a good reassurance for you, and might give you the support you seem to need when trying to figure everything out. He'd also know better about how your mom might react as well, and could likely help on that front, should it come to pass that you're outside the binary.

 

As for extended family - who cares! If the most important people in your life accept you for who you are, the rest of them can either go along for the ride or stuff a sock in it.

 

No matter what, you're going to come across people who disagree, be it family or otherwise, but you just need to be you. You sound like you might have the beginnings of a good support system if you let it, and in the end, that's really important.

He might, not like I paid attention much, but he does have a bit if a record of being hypocritical. I dunno, maybe I shouldn't worry about it.

 

But there's also peers. I am already made fun of enough, and what if I AM homosexual? Or ae?

 

Because if I don't have kids, then what?

[Syiren]

Syrien, sounds like you had an adrenalin rush and subsequent crash when the emergency was over, which is completely normal! Some people freeze in those situations (like your mom), and some people act (like you did). Everything's okay, just take some deep breaths. You did good!

Yeah, Mom and I talked it over once the shock of the event wore off. I explained to her and she was fine. After a cold bottle of water I was back to normal too. It surprised me to hear that she's glad that I was the calm one, because it helped her to focus. Thanks.

 

 

I don't know why you're having stomach issues. Have you tried ProBiotics?

 

It's because of the depression medication I'm on. One of the side effects is an upset stomach which is why my doctor told me to take it with food. It's also why I take it at night so that when I do feel ill, I'm able to stay in bed and rest instead of having to deal with it through the day. It normally only really effects me when I stop taking it for a while and then get back on it. Only reason I stopped taking it was because I'm waiting for my stupid insurance to kick back up. My meds are about $7-$14 with insurance and about $70-$135 without it. ^^;

Edited April 3, 2015 by Syiren

[Rachel72]

Offers a supportive hug to all...

[Bunnybrine]

Why am I so sad?

Can anyone recommend comforting music?

[Omega Entity]

He might, not like I paid attention much, but he does have a bit if a record of being hypocritical. I dunno, maybe I shouldn't worry about it.

 

But there's also peers. I am already made fun of enough, and what if I AM homosexual? Or ae?

 

Because if I don't have kids, then what?

Honestly? Cross those bridges when you come to them :-) There's an old saying, "Don't borrow trouble", which essentially breaks down to "don't worry about things that haven't happened yet, when there's enough to worry about now". There's absolutely nothing you can do about those things (heck, you don't even know that they'll even be an issue!), so just worry about what you have going on right now.

 

It sounds like you might have a bit of information overload going on, in regards to gender identity and sexuality and the like, and it can be a lot like diagnosing yourself using webMD - a lot of things might seem to fit, but (and correct me if I'm wrong, but you sound like you might be pretty young -early teens perhaps?) things and thoughts and feelings may and will change as you mature.

 

Some people are just late-bloomers, and it's best if you give yourself enough time for things to sort themselves out, or at least become more clear. It's definitely better than stressing yourself out over hypothetical situations :-)

Edited April 3, 2015 by Omega Entity

[Syiren]

Why am I so sad?

Can anyone recommend comforting music?

I have a special playlist of songs set up just for times when I need a pick-me-up. I hope some of them help.

 

- beautiful amv with it.

- From Kelly Clarkson's newest album Edited April 4, 2015 by Syiren

[schmupti]

Now I am starting to go through this stuff. Figuring out my sexiality, who I truley am, ect. In fact, I don't think that is even happening yet. However, when it does, what will my father say? My grandparents? My father told my sister "If you do turn out not straight, I will still be there" but does he truley think so? Does he think so but not know how he will really react? Wil he act so to me? How will other family members react if I turn out lesibian? What if I am aesexual and cannot fall in love? If I never have children even though it sounds like my family wants me to? My dad might support me, and maybe my grandparents, but what about my other family? My aunts and uncles? My mom, who's not in the best mental state? What will happen?

 

Guys, I am scared

I've been in that spot exactly - trying to figure out which label defined me, how my sometimes less-than-tolerant city/state/friends/family would treat me based on that label, how my redneck relatives would react and what I'd do then...

 

And then my baby sister walks in one day and says, "I'm a lesbian, here's my girlfriend," like it was nothing. Years of tying myself in knots! I could have cried.

 

I worried about the right label as if that was the same thing as sorting out my sexuality, but it's not - sexuality is a lot more slippery than our terminology, and some things just can't be pigeonholed. I know letting go of the urge to 'pick a side already' is easier said than done, but shrugging off the need for a label and the idea that a label is an answer really does drop a whole load of stress.

[georgexu94]

- beautiful amv with it.

Youtube says the video cannot be viewed due to Safety Mode. What's in it?

[Cottoncat]

I've been considering whether to post this here or not, because this kind of rants might make me sound selfish or an attention seeker. I guess I could still post it, since it bugs me so much.

Anyways, I've recently begun to draw less and less stuff, due to an unsure feeling that keeps following me whenever I try to start to draw digitally. There's usually no problems when I first sketch the drawing on paper, but when I get to digitizing, all the motivation is suddenly lost.

Sometimes the feeling grows so strong I start to think about stopping drawing. I keep comparing my work to my friends' works, and it feels so bad that they're so much better at doing art. I feel so envious it erupts as negative feelings and angry behavior.

It's just that drawing has been a rather big part of my favorite hobbies and even the things I like to do. And then suddenly it feels so distant and difficult, and the unsure feeling tells me to stop trying and feel bad.

[Omega Entity]

Cotton, it's not unusual to go through phases of unmotivation. God knows I fall victim to it a lot, in all of my artistic endeavors. You might try looking at some other art or photos to try and drum up some inspiration.

 

As to others' art looking better than yours... Hate to say it, but there'll always be someone better, in at least one aspect. Fact of life, I'm afraid. But rather than looking at it as a reason to stop, think of it instead as a goal to attain - use it as motivation to improve! You might even consider asking them for pointers.

 

I know it might be hard to hear, but you could also have them critique your stuff. It'll feel like they're picking it apart, but it's a fantastic way of figuring out where your strong points and weaknesses are so you can star working on them. And I'm talking about constructive criticism her, not just "of, that looks like crap" or "I don't like this one". (If you want, I can help you with that part. Just shoot me a PM.)

 

And believe it or not, your friends might look at your stuff and think the same, in some regard - "They're better at composition than I am" or "Wow, I need to step up my costume/character design!" or "Man, their color palettes are awesome!". You never know :-)

 

I don't know your skill level, but don't forget that there's a ton of things to drawing outside of technical capability. You can have awesome shading skills, great-looking lineart, but still be terrible at anatomy - I've seen a lot of pictures where it's gorgeous and painterly, and yet the artist didn't seem to understand how the human body's put together. It was still a nice piece, with some great skills, but it still had a lot of things that could make it better yet.

 

Edited in more stuff!

Edited April 4, 2015 by Omega Entity

[georgexu94]

I've been considering whether to post this here or not, because this kind of rants might make me sound selfish or an attention seeker. I guess I could still post it, since it bugs me so much.

Anyways, I've recently begun to draw less and less stuff, due to an unsure feeling that keeps following me whenever I try to start to draw digitally. There's usually no problems when I first sketch the drawing on paper, but when I get to digitizing, all the motivation is suddenly lost.

Sometimes the feeling grows so strong I start to think about stopping drawing. I keep comparing my work to my friends' works, and it feels so bad that they're so much better at doing art. I feel so envious it erupts as negative feelings and angry behavior.

It's just that drawing has been a rather big part of my favorite hobbies and even the things I like to do. And then suddenly it feels so distant and difficult, and the unsure feeling tells me to stop trying and feel bad.

*huggles* Hello, my dear fellow artist. All artists undergo those times of lack of motivation. For me, it's writing but same huala bala. No worries.

 

This comic is a great motivational speaker. More so than me. It's titled "Be Friends With Failure".

Link: http://doodlealley.com/2012/10/10/be-friends-with-failure/

 

In addition, do not compare your work with those of others. Each of us has a different style of drawing. It is what makes us unique. Sure, others may have better pieces of art in your perception but look at your good points too. Perhaps it is because you are only starting? Then, that is the reason to practice more!

 

Like the comic's message, do not remain only in your comfort zone. Do not use only one method and do it all over again because it is the only method that works for you. Explore more. Don't be like me in the field of drawing. I went only to scenery because it's the only one I can do and now it still is. I wish that I can draw people but I cannot. My DeviantArt gallery is lying in lame due to that. It's embarrassing! Luckily, I can grace it with my short stories, but you get the point (I hope).

 

Best wishes! Let's practice together!

[Syiren]

Youtube says the video cannot be viewed due to Safety Mode. What's in it?

Hmm, odd. the video isn't anything bad. Just a music video of a bunch of different anime. Maybe it deems some of the anime used as for older viewers? I'm really sorry about that. I'll try to find a version of the song that's with lyrics instead.

 

*5 mins later*

 

Here we go.

- By Needtobreathe

[georgexu94]

It's alright. I was asking to be sure. Sometimes Youtube's Safety Mode blocks videos tha aren't really harmful, violent or unsafe for viewing. It actually blocked Big Bang Theory. And some girl anime at one point!

 

Edit: Youtube makes me a liar. I viewed the video on my iPad without turning off the safety mode. It worked fine. How strange, considering I'm logged in my Google for both devices.

 

Also, wonderful selection of songs.

Edited April 5, 2015 by georgexu94

[Cottoncat]

Omega Entity: I guess my inspiration feels quite the same as before, but something about finishing the sketch digitally makes me back away and feel bad. I've also never seen others' work as a goal to reach, since I know I'll never make it there.

Getting critique about my work feels kinda unnerving, because it only makes me realize that I have done so many things wrong.

Also I don't know if the friends of mine have even thought of that; I don't think they would see my work as better than theirs in any way, since I make my 'art' with Gimp and mouse, and they have drawing tablets and all the greater stuff. u n u

 

Georgexu94: I don't even know if I have any good points, everything looks so messy and scrambled through, even if I tried my best to make it look good. I'm not even a beginner anymore, because I've been drawing for over four years now.

I also have no idea about any other techniques I could use in Gimp. Ó~O I'm still practicing almost every day, but I feel like I can't get anywhere.

 

Thanks for the help though, I actually feel a little better now. ~ I'm really sorry about being so whiny, I'm just too bad at appreciating something I make myself...

[Syiren]

It's alright. I was asking to be sure. Sometimes Youtube's Safety Mode blocks videos tha aren't really harmful, violent or unsafe for viewing. It actually blocked Big Bang Theory. And some girl anime at one point!

 

Edit: Youtube makes me a liar. I viewed the video on my iPad without turning off the safety mode. It worked fine. How strange, considering I'm logged in my Google for both devices.

 

Also, wonderful selection of songs.

That is odd, especially to block Big Bang Theory? wow.

 

I'm glad it didn't turn out to be something about the video that didn't belong. I had been debating about switching it to be honest. Glad I don't have to. whoever made it is talented.

 

And thanks! Music is one of the best emotional healers I know. And I hope those I listed can help anyone who really needs it.

Edited April 5, 2015 by Syiren