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Oh no! I was rooting for the little guy. D: I'm so sorry! *More hugs!*

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So very sorry to hear, sad.gif

 

The animals who enhance our lives are never able to stay long enough.

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I'm so sorry to hear the Catstaff -hugs and offers whatever your favorite warm drink is-

All I can say is try to enjoy the fact that you had the little featherbaby for the time period you did, and that he had a happy and loving life while you did own him. <3

 

I'm also scooting in because I'm second guessing everything right now...

I finally got the bravery up today to admit that things are going into emotional-train wreck mode for me, and I went and made the necessary doctor's appointments to start clawing out of this.

But in the mean time I'm dealing with my classes having already suffered extremely because of this train wreck. Like. a 45% on an exam, and homework assignments in two classes that are only going to be half credit, if I manage to get "100%" on them in the first place.

And I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place as to whether I should talk to my professors and let them know that I'm falling apart emotionally/mentally, which is why my work is suffering horribly, or if that would just be considered an excuse and I shouldn't even bother...

I don't know. Everything is stupid, I just got out of an anxiety attack half an hour ago, and I'm going to need to be awake for another 3 or 4 hours, when I have an exam in 12. And I need to sleep somehow. sad.gif

edit: also don't feel obligated to offer suggestions or something. mostly i'm just venting in a semi-safe place where i know my friends can't see but i can still feel like i'm getting something off my chest...

Edited by Wandering4Ever

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Well, I'm coming here because I have a weird problem.

I'm not even sure if it's the kind of thing I should actually be telling anyone, but it's a mental thing and maybe I actually am going crazy.

I'm not sure if it's extreme enough to be telling my doctor, but it's kind of in that area where maybe it shouldn't be told.

It's just hard to explain to anyone who doesn't know what I'm experiencing.

Please PM me if you want to discuss this, I'm not sure I want to explain in front of everyone.

 

It's kind of... a deep emotional problem. Also a soul problem.

Big one.

 

https://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?act=M...DE=4&MID=215309

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If it is a case of a potential mental problem, you should see a doctor. If it is something more spiritual, you might seek the advice of a spiritual leader. That might be a good first step, anyway, if you are concerned about visiting the doctor. However, that depends on your own personal beliefs, of course.

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I am going to preface this post with a very clear statement that this is purely venting, and nothing more. There is some touchy information on the bottom half (will be very, very clearly marked for skipping purposes). Im sharing this vent purely because I am completely lost, and don't know where to go from here, since the system is failing me.

 

I am not a danger to myself, or anyone else. I am actively being responsible and trying to get help, but it isnt getting me anywhere. It makes absolutely no sense, whatsoever.

 

My doc still has failed to find me the proper med combo. I have been severely manic for a little over 8 months now (under his care for 4 or 5). As of my last appointment, he turned me into a little guinea pig, and put me on a medication he couldnt even answer basic questions about. Its only been in this country since 2013, but I have no idea how long it was used in Japan for.

 

 

The new med makes me sick, non stop. I couldnt eat or drink anything for the three days I tried it for, so I flat out stopped taking it. THe meds Im still taking, dont work. I really fail to see how I am any better being on meds, than I was being off them. At least when I was off of them, I could still have a social life, still had friends, and hadnt burned every bridge I have. Being on meds has done nothing more than ruin the ONLY good things I had going for me.

 

 

Its very strange being stuck in a level of manic I had never reached previously, and rapid cycling down to levels of depression far, far below anything I have ever dealt with (in short bursts, as little as 2-3 minutes, to a few (5-10) hours at a time.

 

My therapist dropped me as a patient, the DAY I fully opened up to him about just how bad my mental health has been declining since being medicated. Yea... thanks for the help, jerk. I'm really glad I was paying you $800 a month to help fix me, for you to drop me when I needed you most. Now I'm stuck with JUST the med guy.. who refuses to listen to anything I have to say, and always asks me what I think he should prescribe me... Its not my job to pick my meds... It's my job to take them like the good little sheep I am...

 

TRIGGER WARNING: IGNORE THIS BIT IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO BAD HUMOR SURROUNDING SUICIDE RELATED ISSUES. NO INTENT:JUST FRUSTRATION

 

This week I have learned that the best hospital for me in the area, will not allow me to walk in and check myself in, without my doctors permission, even if im thinking about suicide non stop. Apparently going in when you are just /thinking/ about it isnt enough, you actually have to ATTEMPT it to be put on a hold and get help. Because I wont attempt it (I have kids) I cant get help. I told my doctor flat out that its scaring the crud out of me how much time I spend /thinking/ about it, and he ignored me and put me on a med that is well known to amplify that specific thing.

 

*Just thinking about it, wont get me a hold.

*Telling my doctor I'm thinking about it too much, wont get me a hold. It gets me put on a med that over 300 people have told me amplified those thoughts for them, as well as their normal symptoms being made worse.

*Going to the ER just got me left alone in a room for 4 hours with an unlocked med cart... and since I didnt touch it, no hold. (everyone in this city knows the codes to those carts, they never change them)

*Going to the mental institute and telling them whats going on and trying to sign myself into the program... landed me no hold, no help.

 

So, apparently, unless I actually were to /try/ something stupid, I cant get help.. since all of the things they always tell you to do in my situations.. dont work. Yay for leaving the person who is losing control of everything in her life, on her own to deal, because she isnt selfish enough to do THAT to her children...

 

TRIGGERY BIT OVER! GOOD POSITIVE THINGS BELOW

 

 

(mods, if my trigger half falls outside of the rules, or is far too triggery for this thread, please feel free to edit it out. I will understand. I am just frustrated and don't really know what else I can do here...)

 

On the upside of this: the very basic idea of who I am, who I always have been, and who I always want to be, still exists. The situation is horrible, but im learning a lot about myself, my chosen family and those people I choose to allow around me. I am still Captain Silver Lining, I still find at least one lesson to learn, one good, positive thing every single day. Todays silver lining is looking forward to seeing my daughter in her full princess get up, wearing her leather coat, and biker boots on HER motorcycle in a few weeks. She is 8 years old, and has her very own motorcycle. We may need to put training wheels on it, but that will just make those pics, that much more adorable when the time comes. I look forward to the day we no longer have to keep it throttled down to only 5-10mph. My little speed demon.

 

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My heart goes out to you, Thuban. I feel a little anger, reading this post. It seems as though no one who should be paying attention is listening.

 

This is irksome:

Being on meds has done nothing more than ruin the ONLY good things I had going for me.

 

This seems to be the case, too often. Meds are prescribed as a quick cure with little care. The side effects you're suffering sound like hell. I have no idea how long you've been on the particular meds, or what they are, but it sounds as though you should have changed doctors and definitely therapists.

 

Without knowing more of your medical situation, I couldn't begin to guess what chemistry is at play, but you sound as if you're pushing yourself hard to hold onto that light of hope in all this darkness. It must be worth it, it is, you've already proven that. There has to be someone out there who will do the work to find the right meds, or no meds if need be but the proper form of therapy, to get you on the right track.

 

This is awful and I feel helpless just reading it and wishing I knew more or could kick some people in the teeth just to pay solid attention and help remedy it. Just best of luck truly and fight the good fight.......

 

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My heart goes out to you, Thuban. I feel a little anger, reading this post. It seems as though no one who should be paying attention is listening.

 

This is irksome:

Being on meds has done nothing more than ruin the ONLY good things I had going for me.

 

This seems to be the case, too often. Meds are prescribed as a quick cure with little care. The side effects you're suffering sound like hell. I have no idea how long you've been on the particular meds, or what they are, but it sounds as though you should have changed doctors and definitely therapists.

 

Without knowing more of your medical situation, I couldn't begin to guess what chemistry is at play, but you sound as if you're pushing yourself hard to hold onto that light of hope in all this darkness. It must be worth it, it is, you've already proven that. There has to be someone out there who will do the work to find the right meds, or no meds if need be but the proper form of therapy, to get you on the right track.

 

This is awful and I feel helpless just reading it and wishing I knew more or could kick some people in the teeth just to pay solid attention and help remedy it. Just best of luck truly and fight the good fight.......

I am bipolar. I have been my entire life, but didnt get a proper diagnosis until about 7 years ago, when a dose of Depo (the birth control) sent me into my first full on psychotic break.

 

 

I have managed to function for years at a time, unmedicated. I have a lot of experience and practice with appearing "normal" to people who dont know any better. Anyone else in my shoes, would have been put into the hospital by now, it is completely irresponsible for the docs, and both hospitals to NOT be taking me seriously. I am that rare patient that has a high self awareness, and a sturdy grasp on pros and cons... which throws them off. Bipolar people arent supposed to be able to control impulses, are supposed to be irrational and.. crazy. I just.. am what I am. I acknowledge what is happening to me, I know that the current treatments arent working, and my drive is to get better for my kids. They are both lucky, and cursed, because I am completely up front about whats happening, so that they will understand that when I say "I need you guys to play in your room for awhile, I need space", they understand that its not because I am mad at them... i just need to calm down.

 

I will be alright, I always find a way. I just cant believe that the very system put in place to help /other/ people like me... isnt helping me, because im not crazy enough. 8 months of manic... isnt crazy, just annoying.. apparently smile.gif

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I can kind of relate, Thuban. I have Borderline and it's...well, I've managed to get by, but getting help is frustrating and only sometimes effective whatsoever. I can't imagine having kids with it though--I lose my temper far too easily.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

For myself, I've been struggling a lot because now that I know what my problem is, I can't seem to make progress finding help for the specific things I suffer from most in it. Sure, I'm in a therapy program designed to help with impulse control and is customized to work with my borderline and ED diagnoses, but so far it just seems like a huge waste of time and money.

 

At least my current psychiatrist seems to get me, I guess--no previous doctor ever has--but my therapist, while nice and we seem to be a good social match...none of his techniques are helping much. The only one that is really only helps at work, not so much at home.

 

I have really ugly impulse spending issues. For example, it took me a year to pay off my credit card and in the last ten days I've already put $400 back on it--and most of it was stuff I didn't need. A big chunk of it was videogames I'll probably never play all the way through. If I kept that useless spending in control, I could put a down payment on a house in two more years--two days ago I calculated that I'm impulse spending about $2,400 per year--over 20% of my current income--and since a lot of smaller houses are inexpensive here, I'd only need about $12k for a down payment. That's about five years total at my job, and I've worked here for three.

 

I feel absolutely horrible about myself because I know this stuff I'm buying is unnecessary. I know it's useless. I know the things I want to save for. But I just can't save it. None of the tips and tricks work.

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I have issues with spending too. If I know im going somewhere that is going to trigger me wanting to spend, I take a little cash (i give myself an allowence of $40 a month that I can spend on whatever I want without my husband griping at me) and leave my card at home. Maybe you could try switching to only carrying small amounts of cash and no cards for awhile. Its helped me out quite a bit.

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I only carry my EBT card outside of the house unless I'm going to the gas station, typically. My issue is spending online when I get home. I lose track of what's a need and what's a want, so I know I *need* to get a bulk lot of toilet paper through amazon but I also see a Dremel accessory and get suddenly convinced I *NEED* it.

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I only carry my EBT card outside of the house unless I'm going to the gas station, typically. My issue is spending online when I get home. I lose track of what's a need and what's a want, so I know I *need* to get a bulk lot of toilet paper through amazon but I also see a Dremel accessory and get suddenly convinced I *NEED* it.

Yea. I tend to build a cart, and then NOT order. I wait a few days, and then go back to re-evaluate whether things are want vs need.

 

The only items I am allowed to buy on impulse are things for the house that we need anyhow. Toilet paper, coffee... and the occasional Pantry box, because there is a lot of satisfaction in cramming as much as possible into a pantry box on Amazon.

 

If you are having serious issues with your online spending though, you can talk to your bank and have them refuse to put orders through that are outside of your normal spending limits. My bank alerts us anytime I spend $50 more than normal at the places I already shop, or make an online order far larger than normal for MY card.

 

Otherwise, look closely at your budget, figure out how much you can afford to set aside a month for YOUR habits.. and move those to a different card. It takes some serious effort, but if you can train yourself to only use that card for personal, and the main card for everything else, it can help.

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Thank you for the advice, Thuban, I'll definitely see about getting on one of those (Also I'm trying to set up HabitRPG so it might actually work for me this time)

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Hello everyone!

I just wanted to give hugs all around, and let you guys know that I'm here if any of y'all ever want to talk. I promise I'll do all I can for you. Yeah, so feel free to send me PMs if you need some encouragement/advise/a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I love helping people whenever possible. smile.gif I hope to hear from some of y'all soon!

 

~Mell

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Ach, it's been a while, and looking back on my older post I can see things have changed.

 

I don't really know if this deserves a warning or not.

 

First off, where to start.

Again, but now a little different: I find it extremely hard to tell the full tale, I have a natural leaning to make up some lies to dismiss the problem, and I honestly don't know what is happening. I tend to type short, I can't really talk about my feelings and often repeat phrases.

 

I think I can confirm I have social anxiety. Most likely a mild version, as I don't get panic attacks, but to some degree my behavior matches the official definition. That's obviously a problem, I have no close friends at school and I always feel like my classmates look upon me as a joke, as inferior.

Whenever I try to talk/reach out/whatever, I always feel like I'm saying the wrong thing and that I'm behind by an awful lot. I can no longer tell if someone is being genuinely nice or if they just want a laugh, so therefore I attack anyone who shows me a sign of comfort. It's hard for me to get back at anyone, and I can't hold a grudge (something I hate about myself- I can remember certain details but never something bad about someone), so I attack upfront and before anyone has ever done something to me.

Now, for the main reason I'm posting this. After a while of being friendless, I think I've snapped. I have no idea. Am I insane? I still have a sense of morality, still have emotions, so I don't know. I'm beginning to see inanimate objects as being alive and having feelings, thoughts, ect. Enough to start speaking to them, daydreaming, hoping that I get reincarnated as one or that they start to move. I haven't mentioned this to anyone, and I'm pretty sure I've made the right decision this time. There's no one I can trust, aside from complete strangers (and they don't appreciate a random rant.) If I told someone, they would call my family, life would become so different from this normalcy. I don't want to go to an asylum. Yet, since no one understands life goes on worse.

I'll try and bear this for a couple of more years. Please seek professional help for these kinds of serious issues. At least contact a helpline or forum where they are specifically trained to deal with these types of issues. <3

 

Sorry again, it's not really a big problem.

 

-Serce

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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Seek professional help for your suicidal thoughts. A counselor, a teacher, someone. Regardless of how you feel right now, there are people who care for you, people who will miss you. You're worth it.

 

I'm guessing you're in high school right now? This time in your life is pretty damned crappy. You're surrounded by obnoxious idiots who act like they're the center of the universe, that everything revolves around them, and that they're better than everyone else, and you feel like you don't fit in anywhere. I'll be honest with you - for a lot of those groups, it's better that you aren't. You retain the ability to think for yourself, rather than falling into the group mentality, which most times isn't a good one. Find a hobby that brings yo joy, or explore some new ones. Or maybe join some after-school clubs that interest you. You may find that you'll meet people who have more in common with you than you think.

 

Stick it through to the end. It gets better after you get out of that cesspool.

Edited by Omega Entity

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serce2 if you are not already talking to a profession, you really, really, really need to consider it. If you don't like who you're talking to, shop around for someone else who you will click with better. You're going through a lot of hard and negative things but things can get better. You need to seek help so that things can get better though. We're here to support you. I know it's hard. But please, please seek out someone professional to help you deal with this and sort out your feelings. <3

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Urgh! Damn it! Had to stop my meds for a while thanks to some stupid insurance mix-up bull crap and now that I'm back on it it's messing up my system again since it's been over a month since I've taken it. My stomach is constantly bloated and upset. If not for mints i'm sure I would have trouble keeping anything down. I can't stop yawning, I wake up in the middle of the night. I have weird dreams, I have trouble concentrating. It's a freaking NIGHTMARE! And whats worse? It makes me irritated and I end up taking it out on others and it puts me in a rotten mood. sad.gif

 

I hate being like that and normally it only lasts for about a week and then the side effects start to fade, but I hate how it makes me feel. It would have been fine if the insurance hadn't been so stupid and the pills didn't costs so damn much on their own. If my depression wasn't so bad I'd say heck with it and tough it out like I had been before. not that it helped much.

 

The worst part is coming off like a whiny brat. I don't mean to sound like that and I can't control myself when it happens and I always end up feeling so horrible afterwards. sad.gif

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-snip-

Funnily enough, I get the exact same symptoms with my illness and medication, even if i'm still on it.

 

Try drinking ginger beer, it helps settle the stomach, and nibble on light crackers every so often.

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Funnily enough, I get the exact same symptoms with my illness and medication, even if i'm still on it.

 

Try drinking ginger beer, it helps settle the stomach, and nibble on light crackers every so often.

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind when I go to the store.

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Urgh! Damn it! Had to stop my meds for a while thanks to some stupid insurance mix-up bull crap and now that I'm back on it it's messing up my system again since it's been over a month since I've taken it. My stomach is constantly bloated and upset. If not for mints i'm sure I would have trouble keeping anything down. I can't stop yawning, I wake up in the middle of the night. I have weird dreams, I have trouble concentrating. It's a freaking NIGHTMARE! And whats worse? It makes me irritated and I end up taking it out on others and it puts me in a rotten mood. sad.gif

 

I hate being like that and normally it only lasts for about a week and then the side effects start to fade, but I hate how it makes me feel. It would have been fine if the insurance hadn't been so stupid and the pills didn't costs so damn much on their own. If my depression wasn't so bad I'd say heck with it and tough it out like I had been before. not that it helped much.

 

The worst part is coming off like a whiny brat. I don't mean to sound like that and I can't control myself when it happens and I always end up feeling so horrible afterwards. sad.gif

Ugh, how frustrating! I hope things start to balance out again and you feel better. <3

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Ugh, how frustrating! I hope things start to balance out again and you feel better. <3

Thanks, Sock. My stomach isn't bothering me as much today, so I'm hoping that's a good sign.

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Uh first post here, so please be nice to me? sad.gif

 

Experiencing some issues within the family, its stressing the crap outta me. Both my parents have been constantly fighting to the point where my dad leaves, and I believe they've reached the point where my dads going to move out and they're going to divorce... This is pretty much going to change my entire life I currently have.... the struggle is real sad.gif

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Uh first post here, so please be nice to me? sad.gif

 

Experiencing some issues within the family, its stressing the crap outta me. Both my parents have been constantly fighting to the point where my dad leaves, and I believe they've reached the point where my dads going to move out and they're going to divorce... This is pretty much going to change my entire life I currently have.... the struggle is real sad.gif

Hey, first things first, I know how you feel. I didn't go through the exact situation you did, but I know that feeling like your family is split up is really bad. During life there are always really bad things that are going to happen, this is one of them. From personal experience, I would say that sometimes you just need to talk to someone and have a close friends that you know and trust to talk to. Have them be your rock in times as you get through. And I know its hard to believe for the struggle you're going through right now, it will end, and when it does, it might not seem good but life will become better. (:

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So, it's basically the same stuff with my family that's always going on, but I'm just so done with the comments about my major.

 

I'm taking a class with my sister. It's a stupid, one credit, pass/fail class that involves working with a goat and showing said goat at the end of the semester. Literally the only thing I have to do to pass is spend 25 hours with the goat within the next five weeks and show up for the show.

 

Today was the second day of the class, so I went to the barn. When I got home, my mom asked about it, and I just commented that I was basically the only person there who wasn't some sort of science major. Even though it's an easy, fun class, because it involves barn animals, most of the people taking it are animal science or pre-vet majors. So, I commented that it was a little awkward, because everyone started talking about organic chemistry, biology, endocrinology, etc. classes, and I don't take any of those.

 

I just meant it in the sense that I didn't really talk to anyone because I'm studying something different and didn't have anything to add to their conversation.

 

My mom decided to twist it, telling me that I shouldn't mention anything about not taking those classes because my "easier" workload might put a target on my back. -.-

 

I didn't intend my offhand comment about feeling like the odd one out to be an invitation to make a snide remark about my classes. And if this was an isolated incident, it might not bother me so much. But in my family it's no secret that disciplines outside math and science are somehow "less worthy" and this certainly isn't the first time my mom has said things like this. And it really, really grates.

 

I'm not stupid. I didn't decide not to go into science because I'm less intelligent than my sister. Studying history requires a different set of skills than biology, not a lesser one. So I don't have to take upper level science classes. Big whoop! They don't have to read 18th century manuscripts, translate, or write essays in French.

 

I'm just incredibly sick of always being the black sheep.

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