Emotional Support

[Fawkesian]

DarkDagger, it's not dumb at all! I've had days like that myself. What I usually do is try and do something I enjoy that relaxes me. In my case, I'll draw, play a game for a bit, sculpt, do some chainmail - anything that will settle my mind and give me a bit of meditative calm.

 

As for the heartburn, I have some digestive aids that I'll often take when my stomach is upset, called Papayate/Papaya Enzyme. They're chewable, and taste pretty decent to boot.

I think I'll try to draw, since I needed to do that for some friends anyway and it'll get something off the to-do list.

 

Dunno why I didn't think of medicine. I have yet to figure out how to swallow pills, so that sounds perfect - I'll look into it if I go to the store (which will probably have to be sooner than later because it's starting to snow again). I really appreciate the advice.

[Omega Entity]

No prob! Just so you know, you'll find it in the vitamin supplement section rather than in the antacids - it can be used regularly for digestive health :-)

[CatCreature]

DarkDagger, see if you can eat something, anything at all. My anxiety always shows its ugly face whenever my blood suger is low.

[Cavedragon49990]

my advice send Serena an email detailing that you are uncomfortable with the affection, and you are protective of your friend Rae and don't want to see him crumble. Plan a time for you to all meet in which it is agreed on no funny buisness will happen and lay down the complete triangle. Maybe Serena will surprise you, or maybe she's extremely affectionate/flirty by nature and not interested in Rae at all but it will help you all bring closure to the to find where you all stand and if you need to hang out with Rae sperately.

 

Next, is your counsler supportive of your real gender? if yes then perhaps its time for them to have a one on one talk with your mother. You might also want to look into the local chapter of PFLAG if you are in the US (some chapters are supportive with parents who's kids fall under the rest of the LGBT*AQ spectrum and if they are perhaps you should talk to your mom about attending one).

 

Hang in there, I know it sucks but we're here for you no matter how crazy life gets.

I've decided that I'm going to break up with Serena. I know she's not going to take it very well (who would?) but I feel like it's better for everyone involved. Rae might feel a little better when the affection can't be occurring, and I'm honestly not comfortable with Serena in the first place because of all the Rae problems and I think I may be akoiromantic instead of demiromantic. (Akoi is basically, you can have feelings for someone but you don't want to do anything with the person or have the feelings returned.)

 

As for my counselor... Well, I really can't tell. I mean, when I told her I was trans she didn't make a fuss or anything, but it took quite a while for things to be updated (in terms of my name, not my gender - they can't legally change that yet) and certain classes to be dropped. She's also kept making the mistake of referring to me by the wrong pronouns. I've considered checking out PFLAG, but I'm not quite sure if I want to suggest that to my family just yet.

 

Cavedragon, there's one thing here that's really, really bothering me. If Rae is your best friend, then why did you pursue a relationship with Serena full-well knowing that he had feelings for her? A good friend would have told Serena 'I'm sorry, but I can't do anything with you knowing how Rae feels'. Honestly, the best course of action is to break up with Serena, and get that subject of contention handled if you truly value your friendship to Rae. You said that you like Rae more than Serena. Make your actions reflect that.

Rae had told me during my meltdown (the one over text message) that he wanted me to be happy, and that "Serena flipping likes you! This is the opportunity of a lifetime!" He was basically urging me to go for it, that "I'll be fine as long as she's happy". Honestly, had I known he was not going to be fine, I wouldn't have gone for it in the first place, and I feel like crap knowing that his mental state is almost completely my fault.

 

To be honest, Cavedragon, I have to say that the best thing you can possibly do is stay away from BOTH of them for quite a while. Till they can sort out their feelings - which as OE has said, your actions haven't helped - and for you to sort yourself out. Because you sound as confused as the situation itself.

It is quite literally impossible for me to avoid them. Serena and Rae are both in robotics club, and I can't skip meets as one of the builders, especially given that I really do need stuff to do outside of school. And unless I start taking different pathways to class, which would cost me more time, I can't avoid running into them.

 

I'm confused, but that's more of just the stress of everything in general. I think we're all just trying to get ourselves together here... I mean, this is still freshman year for the three of us, and it's drama central. We're all going to be stupid teenagers. So we're all confused and trying to get our lives together.

 

Either way, thanks to all of you. I needed some help.

[Esko]

One word: moving.

 

The thing is, it wasn't like moving when I was 5 or so. Then, I thought it was a sleepover at my grandparents until I asked why we were staying so long and poof! I found out we had moved.

 

This is totally different. That was in the same town. I hadn't grown so close to everything in the area. This is in a different town. Supposedly better, but I grew close to everything in my town. I dreamed of the stuff my sis did, the awesome stuff she had. I love band, and I always wanted to join the high school marching band and also the ROTC. Now I cannot do that.

 

I won't know if the school I am going to next year has an iPad program. If I end up not getting a computer and getting a crap phone, then I might be forced off the site for at least a year! Not fun. Not only will I be moved to someplace with nothing familiar, but I might lose contact with everyone here!

 

Although, my sis probably has the worse part of it. Next year is her Senior year in high school. She is spending that in a new school. She is being pulled out of her high school before her last year. This is her graduating year, and she is spending it in a new school with nobody there she knows!

 

So yeah, we are both going through some stressful right now.

[CatCreature]

One word: moving.

 

The thing is, it wasn't like moving when I was 5 or so. Then, I thought it was a sleepover at my grandparents until I asked why we were staying so long and poof! I found out we had moved.

 

This is totally different. That was in the same town. I hadn't grown so close to everything in the area. This is in a different town. Supposedly better, but I grew close to everything in my town. I dreamed of the stuff my sis did, the awesome stuff she had. I love band, and I always wanted to join the high school marching band and also the ROTC. Now I cannot do that.

 

I won't know if the school I am going to next year has an iPad program. If I end up not getting a computer and getting a crap phone, then I might be forced off the site for at least a year! Not fun. Not only will I be moved to someplace with nothing familiar, but I might lose contact with everyone here!

 

Although, my sis probably has the worse part of it. Next year is her Senior year in high school. She is spending that in a new school. She is being pulled out of her high school before her last year. This is her graduating year, and she is spending it in a new school with nobody there she knows!

 

So yeah, we are both going through some stressful right now.

 

Wow, your parents really need to work on their communication skills. Not telling a 5 year old that they getting a new home? And now it sounds like they're pulling you and your sister away from everything you know, just like that.

 

I do hope they at least told you why you are moving that far.

[LupaWulf]

CaveDragon, Lots of hugs if you need them.

 

 

I hope your day is going better. I also suggest giving yourself distance as much as you can from your friends. It sounds like all of you are emotional, hormonal, and could benefit from some downtime. Keep up the activities you are involved with together, like Robotics and all -but socially maybe try to meet some new people.

Honestly, you might want to think about not romantically getting involved with people you spend most of your time around and work with so much. Relationships benefit from a bit of individual space too. A crush is a crush, and feelings happen, but sometimes the romantic relationship can hurt friendships of those you care about.

 

Put yourself in your friends' shoes and think about their perspectives before you act. Reflect on what happened and your emotional state when the tables were turned. Do you want your friend to have those feelings too, even if they demonstrate them differently?

 

So, I'd say let Serena down easily. You feel too emotionally volatile to be with someone now. Take a breath. Maybe get some time and have a good heart to heart talk with Rae, just the two of you on your own and let him know pretty much everything you wrote. The truth helps build friendships and relationships of any sort stronger.

 

Also give yourself some space when not in mutual groups you must attend. Can you try a different activity during a time you aren't involved in robotics and your normal stuff? Something new and in a totally different direction? This might help you meet other people who will also appreciate you for how awesome you are. It might open an opportunity socially to expand your horizons with new friends and possibly a romance that won't be so triangular.

 

[LupaWulf]

Esko, can you find someone from the school you will be attending and ask them your questions? Or even call up the school and explain you are moving and want to have an idea of what it will be like?

 

 

It's always hard to move, scary too;however, it can also open up whole new worlds of good things. Don't focus on the negatives. Research the are and school. Is there a FB page for students? What does the webpage say? Think about the good things that could happen too.

 

Hang in there, and don't let the shadow of the impending move ruin your current time in your comfort zone. Cross some of those bridges when you get to them. Sometimes the stress is worse than the end result too.

 

I wish you the very best, and hope it's a million times better than what you expect.

[Esko]

Esko, can you find someone from the school you will be attending and ask them your questions?  Or even call up the school and explain you are moving and want to have an idea of what it will be like?

 

 

It's always hard to move, scary too;however, it can also open up whole new worlds of good things. Don't focus on the negatives.  Research the are and school. Is there a FB page for students?  What does the webpage say?  Think about the good things that could happen too. 

 

Hang in there, and don't let the shadow  of the impending move ruin your current time in your comfort zone.  Cross some of those bridges when you get to them.  Sometimes the stress is worse than the end result too. 

 

I wish you the very best, and hope it's a million times better than what you expect.

Thanks for the support. I really need it

 

There are upsides ((like good quality windows that don't need to be weatherproofed )) But sometimes it seems like there are more downsides then upsides.

 

But sadly, moving is the least of my problems. As long as I have been alive, my mom has been diagnosed and struggling with Multiple Sclerosis, and it has gotten worse as I have gotten older. She is in a nursing home now, and really, it is terrible. Even though my dad's girlfriend is pretty much a motherly figure, it sometimes seems like I have nobody to hold my back. I did once live with my mom and my dad, but when I was 5 and moved into my grandparent's house, she had to be put into a nursing home. Now, I remeber a lot of things from that time in my life. Strange thing to say, I remember the first day of my vivid memory, which is weird.

 

That is besides the point. Anyways, before the first move, I had grew close to my mom. In fact, during preschool, every day when I got off of the bus, she would come on her walker and answer the door. We would share a snack together. Now when I could only visit once a week...that hurt.

 

Now, since the move is happening, and so many more things, are happening, the visits are reduced to every other week. I am not protesting, since we get more time to be kids, especially since both my sis and I are inching closer and closer to adulthood. But both me and my mother aren't happy. Not sure how my sis feels, but I feel like the hole is getting ripped wider. The move doesn't help.

 

I am not sure how to feel. Mad or depressed? Or a mix of both. Honestly, those two emotions swirl like the Yin Yang. And they will not go away, no matter how much I try.

 

Even if I forget for a while, it always comes back.

[LupaWulf]

Just hitting the end of lunch, so a quick message.

 

Can you find a local support group, or one you are comfortable with online made for loved ones of people with MS? Or even a family members and chronic illness group? It seems like something like that with people going through similar circumstances may be beneficial.

 

I have really appreciated some online groups I found for Crohn's Disease (I have it). It's like s load off my back knowing I can talk with people who understand, or find a shoulder to cry on who has been through it. Plus there are family members of people with CD there too, and it is a good feeling to be able to help them help their loved one with the illness.

 

Those emotions sound perfectly normal for going through something like this too. I'll be thinking about you today. (Now back to work for me ...)

[Esko]

Just hitting the end of lunch, so a quick message.

 

Can you find a local support group, or one you are comfortable with online made for loved ones of people with MS? Or even a family members and chronic illness group? It seems like something like that with people going through similar circumstances may be beneficial.

 

I have really appreciated some online groups I found for Crohn's Disease (I have it). It's like s load off my back knowing I can talk with people who understand, or find a shoulder to cry on who has been through it. Plus there are family members of people with CD there too, and it is a good feeling to be able to help them help their loved one with the illness.

 

Those emotions sound perfectly normal for going through something like this too. I'll be thinking about you today. (Now back to work for me ...)

Aww, thank you. I will try to look into that

[Tazzay]

- Please do not read if you are triggered by suicide or self harm -

 

________

 

 

 

 

Please take these kinds of serious topics to a professional or at least a helpline or forum where they are specifically trained to deal with this kind of stuff. <3 I couldn't take the pressure from my parents anymore, as my mother had yelled at me for the 10 millionth time to get a job and 'get over it' in regards to my stress, anxiety and my mystery illness, degraded me over the phone etc etc, and I just.... broke. I couldn't take the illness and stress anymore. I know now that it was a bad move to do around my nan.

 

Though I am still incredibly stressed as always, and tired of this sickness that plagues my body. I just want it to be gone so I can get a job, so my parents will leave me alone about it. I keep biting my hands out of stress, so they are bloody and sore. I miss my bird.

 

Everything just.....seems so wrong with my life right now. I can't function normally.

 

I just....needed to get it out.

Edited March 3, 2015 by SockPuppet Strangler

[MedievalMystic]

I just....needed to get it out.

 

What you need is a professional to talk to. Like yesterday.

 

I'm sorry things have gotten so bad that it's come to this point.

 

If your mom is dogging you and stressing you past the point of endurance, why do you listen? If she's calling, don't answer. If you answer when she calls and she starts on you, hang up. Where is it written that just because a person happens to be a parent you're required to listen, when what they're saying is derogatory and negative? If someone in your life is toxic and their presence is having a bad impact on you, I don't care who it is, cut them out of your life if all they bring you is endless misery. That's one less stress to deal with.

 

I hope you feel much better soon.

Edited March 3, 2015 by MedievalMystic

[Omega Entity]

I'm with MM. Seek professional help. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

Is it possible that your health issues are caused by stress? Even if they aren't, being stressed as you are is only going to make it worse, and keep you in this cycle.

 

Get the help you need. You deserve it.

[Slaskia]

I'm with the others: go talk to a professional, stat!

 

I also agree with just avoiding talking to her, but if she's that toxic to you I'd go further. Block her number, or change your own and ensure no one gives it to her without your OK. Only reestablish contact once you have your issues under control (if that: you'd be the best judge on if you can handle her again).

[JavaTigress]

*Sigh*

 

I feel that I need to post here.

 

Here is the thing. I happen to play chess. The thing is that I am SO conflicted at times.

 

The truth is that I don't feel 'good enough' at the game to make it worth my while. I mean, sure there are some people who I am better than at the game, but there are also plenty of times when I lose, which, frankly, tends to spoil it for me. The issue MAY be who I am comparing myself to, if I am honest, but that doesn't make it feel any nicer to know that I will probably NEVER be the best. The odd thing is that others that don't play have this idea that I am actually pretty good... which I don't take too much to heart because, they don't play. I don't WANT to give up playing it, because when I am doing well I really enjoy it. That is just the issue. Some days I am doing well and feeling pretty good about how I played. other days... Not so much.On the 'not so much' days, I end up feeling like I should just quit, but if the truth were told, deep down, I don't really WANT to. Bottom line? I doubt myself and my worth at something I enjoy and wish that I didn't.

 

What do I do about this... confused mess that is my feelings about chess?

Edited March 3, 2015 by Silverswift

[Fuzzbucket]

*Sigh*

 

I feel that I need to post here.

 

Here is the thing. I happen to play chess. The thing is that I am SO conflicted at times.

 

The truth is that I don't feel 'good enough' at the game to make it worth my while. I mean, sure there are some people who I am better than at the game, but there are also plenty of times when I lose, which, frankly, tends to spoil it for me. The issue MAY be who I am comparing myself to, if I am honest, but that doesn't make it feel any nicer to know that I will probably NEVER be the best. The odd thing is that others that don't play have this idea that I am actually pretty good... which I don't take too much to heart because, they don't play. I don't WANT to give up playing it, because when I am doing well I really enjoy it. That is just the issue. Some days I am doing well and feeling pretty good about how I played. other days... Not so much.On the 'not so much' days, I end up feeling like I should just quit, but if the truth were told, deep down, I don't really WANT to. Bottom line? I doubt myself and my worth at something I enjoy and wish that I didn't.

 

What do I do about this... confused mess that is my feelings about chess?

If you won all the time - it would be boring.

 

I'd say - enjoy playing, and bear in mind that the more you play, the better you will get - chess is one game where that really is true. Every time you work through a strategy, or spot and deflect someone else's, you have more knowledge in your armoury.

 

And there is that old saying: It isn't whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

 

I almost never win at chess (so play me !) but I love to play.

 

Why do you play ? Think about that. If it isn't for enjoyment - take up golf or tiddlywinks instead

Edited March 3, 2015 by fuzzbucket

[JavaTigress]

If you won all the time - it would be boring.

 

I'd say - enjoy playing, and bear in mind that the more you play, the better you will get - chess is one game where that really is true. Every time you work through a strategy, or spot and deflect someone else's, you have more knowledge in your armoury.

 

And there is that old saying: It isn't whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.

 

I almost never win at chess (so play me !) but I love to play.

 

Why do you play ? Think about that. If it isn't for enjoyment - take up golf or tiddlywinks instead

That is the thing. I DO enjoy it.

 

That is why, ultimately, I don't really want to give up the game. I just get discouraged sometimes.

 

 

 

 

[Fuzzbucket]

That is the thing. I DO enjoy it.

 

That is why, ultimately, I don't really want to give up the game. I just get discouraged sometimes.

But do you want to win EVERY time ? Wouldn't that be rather dull ?

[JavaTigress]

But do you want to win EVERY time ? Wouldn't that be rather dull ?

I guess that it might be.

 

The truth is that PART of me wonders what it would be like to be the best. To have people actually take NOTE of you abilities?

 

The trouble is that losing reminds me that that will NEVER happen.

Edited March 3, 2015 by Silverswift

[Fuzzbucket]

I guess that it might be.

 

The truth is that PART of me wonders what it would be like to be the best. To have people actually take NOTE of you abilities?

 

The trouble is that losing reminds me that that will NEVER happen.

You think the world champs never ever lost ? We all start somewhere.

 

And you don't have to be the BEST for people to notice you. I play the piano and people think I'm amazing - even though I know I'm not at all...

Edited March 3, 2015 by fuzzbucket

[JavaTigress]

You think the world champs never ever lost ? We all start somewhere.

 

And you don't have to he the BEST for people to notice you. I play the piano and people think I'm amazing - even though I know I'm not at all...

I am sure they HAVE.

 

 

They probably also make stupid mistakes on occasion.

 

I guess I know what you mean about people noticing, even if you aren't the best. People HAVE told me that I am pretty good... but I never quite believe them. It is like there is part of me that is like... they don''t even play and they are comparing me to themselves.So it proves nothing... if that makes sense. maybe I shouldn't discount it, but I tend to, I am afraid. THAT is the trouble... WHO I comparing myself with.

Edited March 3, 2015 by Silverswift

[Ribombee]

I am sure they HAVE.

 

 

They probably also make stupid mistakes on occasion.

 

I guess I know what you mean about people noticing, even if you aren't the best. People HAVE told me that I am pretty good... but I never quite believe them. It is like there is part of me that is like... they don''t even play and they are comparing me to themselves.So it proves nothing... if that makes sense. maybe I shouldn't discount it, but I tend to, I am afraid. THAT is the trouble... WHO I comparing myself with.

That sounds like a self-confidence issue. I struggle with that, myself. I feel the need to validate myself by comparing myself to peers (which is a very destructive, but difficult-to-stop habit), so I feel your pain. If you are able, perhaps seeing a counselor would help? If nothing else, positive assurance could help. It sounds stupid, but every day, pick something about yourself you like and compliment yourself on it. Graduate to complimenting yourself on something that others say you are good at (like chess) but that you don't believe. Even if your self-compliment is false, and you don't believe it at all, over time, it CAN help change your attitude about yourself to one more positive. I need to practice what I preach more often.

[JavaTigress]

That sounds like a self-confidence issue. I struggle with that, myself. I feel the need to validate myself by comparing myself to peers (which is a very destructive, but difficult-to-stop habit), so I feel your pain. If you are able, perhaps seeing a counselor would help? If nothing else, positive assurance could help. It sounds stupid, but every day, pick something about yourself you like and compliment yourself on it. Graduate to complimenting yourself on something that others say you are good at (like chess) but that you don't believe. Even if your self-compliment is false, and you don't believe it at all, over time, it CAN help change your attitude about yourself to one more positive. I need to practice what I preach more often.

I don't see myself seeing a counselor for it, honestly.

 

HOWEVER, being aware of the issue... that it is PRIMARILY my outlook on it, could be a huge help.

[Fuzzbucket]

I am sure they HAVE.

 

 

They probably also make stupid mistakes on occasion.

 

I guess I know what you mean about people noticing, even if you aren't the best. People HAVE told me that I am pretty good... but I never quite believe them. It is like there is part of me that is like... they don''t even play and they are comparing me to themselves.So it proves nothing... if that makes sense. maybe I shouldn't discount it, but I tend to, I am afraid. THAT is the trouble... WHO I comparing myself with.

OK listen up. I play chess.

 

I think you are good at it - not least because if you win a lot, you win more than I do, so you must be better than me. I on the other hand play better than my grandson (so far) so he thinks I am good. And so on.

 

I hate being complimented for playing the piano. There are three complimenting possibilities.

 

Non-players "OMG you are WONDERFUL". (well, sure, because you can't do it and it looks great.)

 

People who love me: "That's REALLY good." (sounds a bit odd, but what do I know, and I love her...)

 

The ones I hate most: Fellow players who say "That's brilliant." Because they know what I am trying to do and we all know it wasn't brilliant at all and they are being polite... (I can do it better than that but better not say so...)

 

And the only comments/compliments I value: "You are doing really well with that, but that bar with the mordents in is rather off..." (which does mean that they recognise what I am trying to do, and the work that went in, but it's not perfect.)