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@Chicogal - Omega and Mystic are absolutely right.

You cannot keep this to yourself. It'll only get worse if you don't reach out to someone. I know it isn't easy to deal with. I have been in similar situations. I've never took actions that would hurt myself like drinking/ drugs or cutting, but I have thought about ending it a few times and I always felt worse afterwards. Every time I wished I was gone I kept seeing those that would be left behind to deal with my loss. My friends and family and it only made me want to cry harder.

 

whenever it got real bad and I couldn't control my anger I'd lock myself in the bathroom, turn on the vent to muffle the sound and just scream while slumping down to the floor, punching and kicking the walls. I did that for two reasons, one for the privacy and two because for some reason being in that room calmed me down.

 

a Few people here might remember when I was real depressed and I was afraid to talk to someone and get help. I was still scared, but I did it. When I got there, the doctor didn't make me feel stupid or judge me. He listened to what I was dealing with and how I felt when the anger and depression took control. He referred me to a therapist and a psychiatrist and I was given medication. It took a while for the medicine to build in my system, but I'm doing much better now than before. I still go to the therapist and still take medication, but I recently had to have the dose cut in half because I was doing better with the smaller amount.

 

You don't have to go through this alone, many people suffer from horrible issues, but that doesn't make them horrible people and it certainly doesn't make you stupid. My doctor said that when a person suffers from depression it can have all sorts of effects on your mind. Not just emotionally, but intellectually as well. For me it was my memory that was being suppressed. I keep forgetting things (still haven't quite improved much there yet, but it takes time) perhaps what your going through is weighing down your ability to focus and concentrate.

 

*hugs* Hang in there. Things look dark now, but after every storm there is always a rainbow.

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@Chicogal - I echo Omega, Mystic and Syiren's thoughts.

 

With that said, let me reiterate that you are no less smart this year than last year. There is no shame in asking for help, whether it is a therapist or a doctor to see if you are bipolar, or a tutor for your classes.

 

Your feelings and emotions are your feelings and emotions. They are neither right nor wrong. You definitely need to reach out to someone, anyone.

 

 

***HUGS*** and btw, the pic in your sig is awesome. I love Host Club smile.gif

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Thanks everyone for the kind messages and posts here.

 

I'm feeling a bit better for seeing all of these. I appreciate the time that you took for typing them.

 

Talking to my mother or a doctor or a therapist isn't an option I can take right now - letting my mum know at the moment won't be good for her.

 

But I sort of spoke to a teacher. I'd been really down in her lesson, and she noticed. Asked me why I was so tired, and if I wasn't coping with the work. Told her that I was coping with the work, but not with other stuff. Told her it was all little things adding up. Didn't say anything about other stuff, but she knows that something is up. Assured me she's a vault. I'm glad for that. At least I've sort of opened a connection.

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So I just want to blow off some steam. I already ranted about it a good, long while with people directly involved with the situation, but it's something that just makes me so angry and gets me so riled up that it's still not out of my system, so I guess I'm turning to another outlet, so to speak.

 

I'm singing Schubert's "Ave Maria" in church on Sunday. I was there before choir rehearsal practicing with the music director, and this guy came in looking for the music director. My back was turned to the door, so I didn't see him while I was practicing, but after rehearsal I found out that he'd heard what I was working on, rolled his eyes at it, and made a comment to someone that he didn't want any more of this "high brow music" in worship. Apparently since Christmas he's been on some kind of crusade to all but eradicate classical music in our services, particularly since he's now on the music in worship committee. He's not getting anywhere, but it still just makes me really angry.

 

For one, when I and anyone else gets up and sings or plays classical music in a worship service, we've put a lot of our time and energy preparing it. How dare anyone disrespect the work any musician has done to try to add to the experience on Sundays?

 

Beyond that, for me and a number of other members of the congregation, the music director included, this "high brow" stuff is what is really moving. Sure, I'll sing gospel stuff when that's what the choir's doing and I don't kick up a fuss when one of the rock bands is playing. But I don't connect with that kind of music and with perhaps a very rare exception, I have no emotional reaction to it. I'm also working on Gounod's "Repentir", or in English "O Divine Redeemer" for different service. The first time I heard that piece, I found myself getting a bit emotional. When I sing it, I can sing it and really mean it, and it feels like a sincere offering of part of myself, if that makes any sense. I don't know. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's a piece that really speaks to me and means something. Music is my way of feeling connected to God, and the fact that anyone would advocate to take something like that away from me makes me really angry. If the rock music speaks to him, fine. We have bands that play, sometimes the choir sings a more contemporary piece. I don't have anything against that, if that's what people want. But don't try to take the things that are meaningful for me away.

 

This issue is particularly important to me because I wouldn't be in that church if music hadn't led me there. I didn't even know the place existed until I was told they needed a soprano to fill in. And even if I had, I wouldn't have bothered with it. This is a Presbyterian church. At the time, going anywhere other than a Catholic church never even crossed my mind. But it turned out being the right place for me and being there really helped me when I was going through an incredibly difficult time. Sure, now I'm involved in the church in other ways. But it's the music that got me through the door. I don't even know if I would've ended up going back to attending church regularly if I hadn't gone there over a piece of the "high brow" music he doesn't want in worship anymore.

 

And his argument? It's "keeping the young people away". No, it isn't. I'm a youth group adviser, and I see almost all of the kids from youth group in the balcony pretty much every week. If they show up every week, clearly they're not being driven off. Second, I'm one of the youngest church members outside of the high school kids. I'm only 22, I started attending a bit over two years ago. So for some young people, the thing he's arguing is a deterrent is exactly the opposite.

 

I don't know. It may seem petty, but it just makes me angry. First the fact that he'd be disrespectful enough to roll his eyes over the piece I was practicing just frustrates me to no end. You don't have to like the song, but this is my church community. We're supposed to be respectful and tolerant of each other and we're supposed to encourage each other to contribute to and be involved in the life of the church in the ways that we can. And this is the way I came to my faith and the way I express and experience it. Who is anyone to suddenly decide that the things that have meaning to me are suddenly not right and don't have a place in the church? Plus, I get enough judgment and disapproval everywhere else. Church is supposed to be a place of acceptance. So let me worship and be part of the community in my way, and I'll happily stand aside and let the people who prefer more contemporary stuff worship in their way when we have the bands playing.

 

It's not like our church only does classical music. We have a ton of variety. We have a number of members who play instruments and occasionally we have flute, harp, violin, and/or horns playing. Sometimes we have rock bands. We have two hand bell choirs, two children's choirs, a group of kids that occasionally does musical skits, our regular church choir, a women's chorus, soloists, youth Sunday when the youth group plans the entire service and incorporates dance and their own particular type of music into worship. So, really, no one has any reason to complain because there's a little of everything.

 

Again, it may seem petty but it's something that really made me angry and upset when I heard it, so I just wanted to rant and blow off steam. I know an angry post about it online won't change anything. At least I'm not powerless. I may not have authority, but the next time the music in worship committee meets, it's open to anyone who wants to show up, and I'm going to try to get there and make my thoughts on the matter known.

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So I know a few people would remember me complaining about stomach/muscle problems last year in this thread. In that case, hi, i'm back again.

 

After countless doctor's appointments, psychologist visits, prescriptions, exercises and diet changes, it seems my mystery illness is here to stay. In other words - it's chronic. I first thought it was magnesium deficiency, but that proved untrue as multiple blood tests came up with normal magnesium levels, as well as everything else being normal (besides vitamin D, that was a bit low only because I don't like going outside).

 

But what's got me worried is the fact that anyone i've talked to, specially my doctor and psychologist, has no idea what the illness is. They're confused about it, and my doctor says that i'm the first person he's seen to have this unique mix of symptoms, so he's mystified on what it is. I've been put on the best anti-stress and anti-anxiety medication available in this country.

 

Needless to say, i'm worried. And i'm sure anyone else would be, it's not the most pleasant experience. I cannot eat red meat (due to eventual intolerance from eating), caffeine and alcohol makes my body react as if i've had food poisoning - not that i'm a fan of alcohol, way too bitter for me - and now i've found that the water that comes out of the taps makes me have a reaction if I drink it, too. So I am stuck with only being able to drink bottled spring water that is store-bought, and any food like pasta or rice has to be boiled in it, too.

 

So here I am, stuck at home with an unknown illness that makes me feel like I have the flu everyday. At lease the one good bit about it is that I can spend time making dragons for DC or playing with them on Flight Rising.

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I can't even sleep right now. I need someone's opinion. My work day went lovely until I found out that the money in my register was $100 short. I think I was quick changed by a customer I vaguely remember. Although they didn't ask for change, they bought something cheap and when I entered in the hundred dollar bill they gave me, they wanted to change the amount they wanted to pay in and kept trying to hand me money. I did get confused and I finally told them "No" and that I'll pay them the original change they were owed. I'm not going to lie, they might have gotten me confused to the point where I handed them more than intended, but at the same time, it wasn't that bad.

 

I am very careful with cash. I usually double check and count before I hand change back and I'm usually perfect with my drawers. My closing manager that night is kind (all of them are, actually. We're nearly like a family) and she has several ideas in her mind. She thinks maybe something messed up with the safe and I got a bad drawer or some odd thing happened (we've had many incidents where it wasn't the cashier's fault. It was just a messed up drawer in the beginning). I just don't know. I know I'm not that stupid with counting money(again, I've almost never had short drawers and when I do, they're only a penny or two short) and I'm scared of what might happen. I don't want to be fired, bottom line. But I'm not sure what my managers will do. They're good managers that look into things and have mercy but with something like this..I don't know. I'm a valuable employee that's very good with sales and customer service. If I was quick changed, I just hope that they can forgive me this one time because I'm very good at my job and never have problems.

 

Does anyone have any managing experience. What would you do if a very valued employee had a screw up like this? Or any ideas of what may happen..

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Are you working for a corporate store, or a Mom and Pop? Working as a keyholder for a major corporate chain of specialty stores, we had a month where our drawers were seriously messed up (which incidentally stopped happening once another keyholder who stopped giving a damn about her job stepped down. Not pointing fingers, but it seems like an odd coincidence). We didn't have assigned drawers, so it was impossible to put a finger on where the errors were coming from. We're taking under, over, and sideways, ranging between $80+ under to $40+ over. No one was actually fired over it, and since then we've been more than $5 over or under.

 

That said, I don't know how strict your management, and above them, upper management are. If it's an isolated incident, and you're usually excellent on your drawers, I would -hope- that they wouldn't fire you outright - if you're as good at what you do as you let on, I'd almost bet money that one mess up on one drawer wouldn't be enough justification to fire you.

 

If it's a corporate-owned store, there's usually criteria in place for discipline, and as far as our policies go it's usually a write-up and not grounds for instant termination unless you're caught and they can prove that you actually stole money from them (which I honestly don't think they think that, by the sound of things).

 

Tl;dr: I don't think they'll fire you over this, though there may be a write-up or coaching plan of some kind. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am :-)

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Hello everyone.

*hugs and smiles for anyone who needs it*

I'm not sure how many of y'all are Christians, but we could really use some prayer right now. One of our friends got in a car wreak this morning, and they were airlifting him to a hospital in a bigger city a few hours away. Please pray for him, his parents, and his friends. And please also pray for our family. This is really hard for all of us. Yeah, so we could really use prayer and support right now.

Edited by Mellwen

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I want to be happy for my friend, I really do. Her boyfriend of 6+ months proposed to her, and she said yes.

Unfortunately, I don't see this relationship ending well. We've been friends for nearly 15 years now, and she has a history of falling for the "bad boys." Yeah, they're cute and popular, but they also are drug fiends and unfaithful and overall bad for her mental health.

 

When they started dating I said as much. It really ruined our friendship for a while, but I was honest with her. "I don't like the way he treats you. You shouldn't be with someone who makes you cry."

I said nothing about how he is renowned for being a cheater, or how he is notorious for dumping girls after he coaxes them into his bed. (A while later he dumped her, seemingly after a "romantic" date. She never told me, but I have mutual friends who passed on the news. They later patched things up and got back together AFTER he dated someone else for a while and dumped them too.)

 

I repeated this sentiment, as gently as I could. Fights ensued. Shouting matches, crying, and finally phone silence for several months. I got an instigator out of the picture and patched things up with my friend. Told her if she was happy, I could be happy for them, but I wouldn't stand by idly if he hurt her.

 

She doesn't tell me the bad things about their relationship. She'd do anything to avoid an "I told you so." But she's already showing the anxiety and poor choices she does when the relationship starts to spiral out of control. It starts with poor performance at work or school, and turns into drunken texts or calls. Then it turns into long absences of conversation, and every sentence starts or ends with an apology.

 

While she basks in the glow of newly engaged joy, all I can do is worry. It's boyfriend A or C all over again, and she either can't or won't see the signs. I want so badly to be happy for her with all the sincerity of other family and friends, but it just sickens me to see her continue this pattern. I can't contribute to her poor relationships anymore. At the same time, I can't bear the thought of losing her as a friend again, or seeing people take advantage of her.

 

I congratulated her, and pointed her to some wedding planning blogs. But in the pit of my stomach I just feel ill.

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Hello everyone.

*hugs and smiles for anyone who needs it*

I'm not sure how many of y'all are Christians, but we could really use some prayer right now. One of our friends got in a car wreak this morning, and they were airlifting him to a hospital in a bigger city a few hours away. Please pray for him, his parents, and his friends. And please also pray for our family. This is really hard for all of us. Yeah, so we could really use prayer and support right now.

How is your friend? I hope they are doing well. <3

 

I want to be happy for my friend, I really do. Her boyfriend of 6+ months proposed to her, and she said yes.

Unfortunately, I don't see this relationship ending well. We've been friends for nearly 15 years now, and she has a history of falling for the "bad boys." Yeah, they're cute and popular, but they also are drug fiends and unfaithful and overall bad for her mental health.

 

When they started dating I said as much. It really ruined our friendship for a while, but I was honest with her. "I don't like the way he treats you. You shouldn't be with someone who makes you cry."

I said nothing about how he is renowned for being a cheater, or how he is notorious for dumping girls after he coaxes them into his bed. (A while later he dumped her, seemingly after a "romantic" date. She never told me, but I have mutual friends who passed on the news. They later patched things up and got back together AFTER he dated someone else for a while and dumped them too.)

 

I repeated this sentiment, as gently as I could. Fights ensued. Shouting matches, crying, and finally phone silence for several months. I got an instigator out of the picture and patched things up with my friend. Told her if she was happy, I could be happy for them, but I wouldn't stand by idly if he hurt her.

 

She doesn't tell me the bad things about their relationship. She'd do anything to avoid an "I told you so." But she's already showing the anxiety and poor choices she does when the relationship starts to spiral out of control. It starts with poor performance at work or school, and turns into drunken texts or calls. Then it turns into long absences of conversation, and every sentence starts or ends with an apology.

 

While she basks in the glow of newly engaged joy, all I can do is worry. It's boyfriend A or C all over again, and she either can't or won't see the signs. I want so badly to be happy for her with all the sincerity of other family and friends, but it just sickens me to see her continue this pattern. I can't contribute to her poor relationships anymore. At the same time, I can't bear the thought of losing her as a friend again, or seeing people take advantage of her.

 

I congratulated her, and pointed her to some wedding planning blogs. But in the pit of my stomach I just feel ill.

 

You can't help people who don't want help. You can and should support your friend by saying you'll always be there for them, let them know you're there to help and support them. But until they can accept that these men are hurting them, all you can do is offer your support. If you can't wait for them to be ready for the support you want to offer, then you may have to take some time away before you guy's relationship burns away. It's tough, it is. Just reach out and offer your support without pushing too much. o3o

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Just recently, I learned that I was almost dropped out of my college classes because my ATMS class ended up not being paid for. I enrolled into it about a week before the term started and a day or two before I got my scholarship refund. So, the system didn't read that I had enrolled in this last class until after it had begun distributing my funds. Late fees were incurred and I didn't truly take notice until middle of last week. Each notification that comes through my email is labeled, at the top, saying the reader can disregard the email if their financial aid covers the cost of their classes. Each term before this one, I've been able to disregard that message because my scholarships and financial aid are more than enough to pay everything.

 

Yesterday, I went into the office and worked out what could be done. Thankfully, the late fees were waved, bringing a $950-ish total down to $610. Additionally, a last piece of my aid is finally going to post (two months later) and bring $520-something to my account. That cuts my total to about $90. I'll be able to pay this off nicely as I was able to request funds from a loan I had declined to take back before the Fall term started in 2014.

 

But I'm not without tears and stress. I took out enough money on the loan to payoff my credit card and pocket some funds into my savings account, leaving a little to store in my checking account. My family had been getting better with money earlier but, when mom had the money to payoff our house, she decided to just pay half of what remained and get a $17k car instead. Now, we're behind again and struggling. Things have gotten so bad that my mom is hiding money from my dad because, each time she informs him about earning a some of money, he suddenly has one trouble or another pop up that he needs money to fix.

 

My sister wants to take out a loan in her name, big enough to pay off everything we need to pay for, and just have mom pay her back over time. They also talked about getting rid of a car that's been broke and sitting to collect dust in our driveway. Apparently, a loan was taken off of it and, instead of it being taken by the loaner like it should have been, it's been left to collect more and more interest for us to pay off. Hopefully, my mom will be able to talk to the loaner and have that uncalled-for sum removed as well as get rid of the car. We won't even be telling dad about the loan and the car. Him being out of town to help his elderly mother makes such a thing easier to hide from him.

 

I'm trying to find a job to earn money and help with the budget but it's particularly stressful to me because I have such low confidence. I had a job at McDonald's about two years ago but they gradually cut back my hours to the point that I was basically unemployed again, earning practically nothing on my paychecks. I quit more because of the poor way they treated me but also because of not being given any shifts. I'm on call for a Neurology office as an assistant but it's a similar story; they haven't called me in to help for weeks.

 

I have applied for almost twice the number of jobs as I have gotten interviews for. However, my sister's boyfriend has secured two jobs on campus. Additionally, my sister just quit her job because her employer was no longer seeing her as a student first and started shoving shifts on her that she couldn't work because of classes running at those times.

 

My mind keeps struggling between "Apply to as many jobs as you see listed" and "What's the point? You won't even manage to get an interview anyways."

 

My dad is on me to get a job. My mom keeps telling me not to worry about getting a job and just do what I do for school.

 

There's really not much I can do for my family except contribute when I can. My mom refuses to ask me for financial aid unless it's absolutely necessary while my dad is somewhat the opposite; he'll ask me for help before asking my mom.

 

At least, if I think about it, I guess there's a little silver lining to all of this.

 

First, I won't have to drop out of school. Dropping out would sit very poorly in me and not having to deal with student loans among all of this struggling is helpful.

 

Second, my Other and I have begun planning to move into our own place. We already have an apartment complex in mind. It's only about fifteen minutes of a drive from my school and about twelve minutes from his job. It'll accept our two dogs and his fish tank as well. The place is in the price range we want with the cost of the first month (including the one-time fees) actually being manageable for what my Other earns in a month (leaving just a couple hundred left over). I just want to get a job before we move out on our own and we need to get at least one car between us. We both drive but the trucks we make use of aren't strictly ours. Consider them loaned from our parents.

 

I just worry that my drive to take care of my family's worries before my own won't remain as strongly when I live under my own roof.

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Sup. I've been knocking this thought about in my head this past week, of seeking help for my er, mental health problems. I'm currently on an emotional high, if you will, so my week's been all over the place. I dunno if I want help yet, still undecided. I know I need it and I have gone to a forum dedicated to assisting people with mental health problems. Posts are heavily moderated there though and I've got a limit on how many characters I can post. Counter productive to the drivel that flows from my mind as I type, I've gotta condense my thoughts so lots of stuff gets axed. I feel like I'm sharing stuff one cue card at a time. With this high it's pretty hard to sort through what's more important to share immediately. Annoying, to say the least. But I've been feeling better since going there, maybe I'll finally get off this roller coaster ride of emotions.

 

Anyway. If I go to a doctor, how exactly do I say I want to seek help for these problems? Do I go in there and say "Hi, I think I've got more mental health problems than I can poke a stick at, what do I do?" I haven't seen one in a long time, I don't like them. When I say don't like, I mean I've avoided seeing doctors for the past few years unless I feel like I really need it. I mean they'll probably frown at me and go "Well, you took your sweet time, didn't ya!" Yeah, I get it, they probably won't say that. They might think it though. Yeah I've had this stuff looming over my head for eight years. Clinical depression and post traumatic stress disorder to name my own personal demons, and those are just the diagnosed problems. I wouldn't be surprised if there's something else lurking about in my head, sniggering from the darkness and thoughts race about. Pretty much messes with my life more than I'd care to admit. I'm a veritable hermit. My only friends are on this forum, lovely, awesome bunch of people they are. They probably don't realise it but just talking to them makes me feel so much better. You people rock.

 

censorkip.gif, I'm crying. Damnit. You're supposed to be feeling better, Omen, get over it!

 

Sorry about that, I'm eh, feeling way more extroverted than normal. It's going to take a will of steel not to come back and delete this post.

 

Anyway, I'm not suicidal, never have been. Sure as eggs have thought that maybe the world would be better off without me had I not pulled through eight and a half years back. Misery likes company, so I guess it's not a surprise they came bundled with another problem of the physical kind. To be honest I think my mental health issues now impact my life than the physical disability I have. It's freaking annoying. I'm "coping" with what I'm left with, but these anxiety attacks just crash tackle me out of nowhere. I've gotten to the point where I don't eat or drink before leaving the house because I don't want the crippling abdominal pain that comes with the anxiety. I avoid certain foods I used to love because it compounds the problem and makes it worse. My mother doesn't get it. She's got abdominal problems caused by removal of a gallbladder. I've got problems caused by my disability and on top of that, anxiety. Seriously if it wasn't enough that I need to trip to the bathroom on a moment's notice, I get these churning, coiling, painful spasms that pretty much turn me into an irritable gremlin until they pass.

 

Now there's probably a few people screwing their face up going eww, too much information. Right now I don't care. But ah, for the sake of politeness, I'm sorry. So uhm... people who've experienced this going to a doctor for help thing. What do I do? I feel if I don't do it while I'm having a "better" day or whatever, it won't happen for a long time. It works in phases for me. There's the crippling, oh woe is me, why is the world such a terrible place depressive state which can last months, then there's the come anywhere near me and I'll tear you a new one irritable state which lasts about a month (usually how long it takes before my mother has enough and sits me down for "the talk" which is really a verbal tennis match of yelling and screaming before it settles to me turning into a blubbering mess), and if I don't have a breakdown, it goes back to the depressive state. Since I had a breakdown last week (thanks mum /no sarcasm), it's gone to the I can take on the world euphoric/hyper state; last time it lasted about a fortnight before I relapsed into the depressive state. It's doing nothing for my productivity, let me tell you. I've got coursework looking at me but I sit down for a few hours and somehow find myself playing a game or browsing this forum. I'm actually getting stuff done on it, which is awesome. Just not at an appreciably speedy rate.

 

So... I'm distracting myself from the main issue. I used to be very much against being medicated for this. I've had several doctors, including one I trusted with anything and everything, but whom I stopped seeing when she started specialising in neonatal paediatrics, she was the one to recommend it to start with. Whoops, turns out I forgot to finish the thought. I've had a few doctors recommend that I take anti-depressants. I refused, with the wisdom a fourteen year old possessed. So she recommended I see a psychologist. I refused, because I had trouble trusting people. Needless to say, that's probably messed me up good and proper, ignoring advice and doing my own thing. Adult me wants to go back and give kid me a nice long lecture on how accepting help isn't weakness, but what's done is done. I don't know if medication is the answer for me, but I need to at least give this acknowledging I have a problem thing a try.

 

TL;DR version: How do I ask a GP that I want to talk about my mental health?

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TL;DR version: How do I ask a GP that I want to talk about my mental health?

 

You just tell them that you believe you might have some mental issues, explain what's been happening, and tell the doc that you'd like to talk to a psychiatrist to find out what's going on and could they recommend someone. A GP isn't qualified to diagnose you. The doctor and psychiatrist aren't going to judge you. It could be something as simple as too much stress and worry causing your symptoms. It could be something else. At this point, nobody knows and you're looking for answers. Trying to help yourself is a good thing and wanting to speak to someone is the first step in the right direction.

 

 

Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

Edited by MedievalMystic

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What MM said. You might also look into a therapist as well - my GP insists on a well-rounded approach to addressing depression and anxiety, and although I've acquired a psychiatrist, I fully intend on finding a therapist as well.

 

I don't know where you live or how healthcare/insurance works where you are, but I know that I had to call my insurance company for the referral for my psychiatrist for the shrink to even start seeing me. Not a big deal, but just something to expect.

Edited by Omega Entity

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Stress just sucks sideways. I have so much going on from all these different directions and I just want to crawl into a hole and hide and not come out. Too many things are changing. I am trying to make sure my son has what he needs but I am having to rely on my parents for financial support since I am in school and my sons father is kind of a dead beat. My son is special needs so I can't work outside the home. My Grandma (Dad's Mom) isn't coming home and is now in assisted living and she is getting worse almost every day. My Dad just got the news that his best friend was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and has been given MAYBE a year to live. I miss home and just want to move back but I am most likely going to end up living WITH my Dad and that is going to be disastrous for my social life, what little of one I have. Everything just keeps adding up. I don't do well with change. I can only do so much. And lately it doesn't seem good enough. I am constantly getting it thrown in my face that I am living off my parents, that I need to lose weight (no....really....well sorry but I am not a freaking cookie cutter like my sister and I am NOT having 20 grand in plastic surgery to be skinny....no more prednisone for the asthma flare ups since it put a ton of weight on me), I can't bring Gran back (she passed away June of 2012) and she's the only person that was IN the family that actually seems to have given a crap. The anxiety medications aren't working. They won't give me anything for the panic attacks when they happen and I feel so strung out and doped up on all the other medications they have me on for blood pressure (6 medications), migraines (2 medications), anxiety (3 medications)....etc. Oh and I am not even 40. I turn 40 this November....yay me. Bleh.... sad.gif

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You just tell them that you believe you might have some mental issues, explain what's been happening,  and tell the doc that you'd like to talk to a psychiatrist to find out what's going on and could they recommend someone. A GP isn't qualified to diagnose you.  The doctor and psychiatrist aren't going to judge you.  It could be something as simple as too much stress and worry causing your symptoms.  It could be something else.  At this point, nobody knows and you're looking for answers. Trying to help yourself is a good thing and wanting to speak to someone is the first step in the right direction. 

 

 

Best of luck!  Let us know how it goes.

Thank you very much, MedievalMystic! Going to the GP was just to get my foot in the door, see what options I had. The doc I used to see was a specialist, she was awesome and treated with me respect even if I was only a kid at the time. Seems like clinics in this town are closed are closed on weekends, so it'll have to be a weekday thing unless I go to the next town over. Looking at my options, the nearest one only has GPs - that I know of, anyway. However, I found a different clinic also nearby that has a team of medical practitioners including a mental health nurse and psychiatrist (though the latter only goes there on certain days if their website is accurate). Only issue is that it's three kilometres down the road, bit far for me to walk without passing out. laugh.gif Not going to use that as an excuse, I've done it before and it's time I stopped making them. I'll have catch a bus to get closer to there, or go to one in the next town over as mentioned before. I have options, that's what's important! biggrin.gif

 

Will let people know how it goes too, probably part of the accepting I have a problem process.

 

What MM said. You might also look into a therapist as well - my GP insists on a well-rounded approach to addressing depression and anxiety, and although I've acquired a psychiatrist, I fully intend on finding a therapist as well.

 

I don't know where you live or how healthcare/insurance works where you are, but I know that I had to call my insurance company for the referral for my psychiatrist for the shrink to even start seeing me. Not a big deal, but just something to expect.

Thank you very much as well, Omega Entity! I like your GP's approach, tackle the problem from all sides so something doesn't go unnoticed. What's the difference between a psychiatrist and a therapist?

 

I'm in Australia and I'm covered for most aspects of heathcare by the public healthcare system, which is probably why I've avoided seeing a doctor for so long. I can count on one hand the number of doctors I've actually felt confident with talking to, and that didn't treat me like a petulant child. Being spoken to with respect is a big thing for me, and is the difference between me ever going back to that practitioner again. Had one specialist humiliate me because they weren't listening to me... thinking on it, I haven't seen a specialist in that field ever since. I think I'm going to have to look at private health cover, specialists in the public system often have a long, long waiting list. Not sure how things are down here, but my hometown had me booking appointment dates several months in advance.

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Omen, simply put, a psychiatrist is a doctor who specializes in mental disorders and evaluates you to help determine if medicinal intervention would benefit you. They can write prescriptions if they feel that chemical intervention will help.

 

A therapist, on the other hand, can't write prescriptions and is someone to whom you speak of your life experiences, your feelings, and who not only helps you develop coping tools to help deal with your mental hangups, but will also isn't afraid to give you a kick in the (mental) pants if your train of thought runs counterintuitive to what's best for you and your well-being. They attempt to get to the root of why you feel like you do, and help you better understand it so you can better control how you react to situations.

 

A good psychiatrist's goal is for you to eventually not need medication at all, and this end is greatly helped by having a therapist. So while you're trying to figure things out, the psychiatrist will prescribe you med to get you balanced out for the time being, and make adjustments as necessary. Some people, however, will always require medication to keep them in a stable place due to abnormal brain chemistry and chemical or hormonal imbalances.

 

If you're prescribed medication, have some patience. Don't get discouraged if the first meds you're put on (if you're put on them) don't work for you, or make things worse. Everyone reacts differently to different meds, and it takes time to find the right ones, and the right dosages.

 

To give you an idea, the medication I'm on for my depression and works really well for me (Lamictal, which is usually prescribed as a seizure med in most people) does terrible, horrible things to my sister's mental well-being, as well as gives her a rash that can be fatal in some cases. If I ever develop the rash as well, I'll need to find another medication. The Buspar that she takes for her anxiety, makes mine worse.

 

So just keep it in your head that getting well is a process, and that you're on the right track and will get there eventually :-)

Edited by Omega Entity

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I'm sorry for posting so much in here, but I really need some emotional support right now, because right now everything is a DISASTER.

 

I know I've mentioned my friend Rae before. Well, there has been a lot of drama in the past few weeks regarding him, our friend who I'll call Serena, and I. Rae was being unusually snappy and hostile towards me for awhile, and I kind of snapped at him back, and my emotional state wasn't that great for awhile, because something told me he just wasn't being honest with me about something and I wanted to know what I was doing wrong, and he just wasn't telling!

So then on the 17th, we were staying late at robotics, we meaning him, Serena and I (also other people but they aren't involved in this). I was depressed, curled up on the floor of the gym, and finally, asked Rae if I could talk to him, because things were just bad between us that day, and I wanted to know what was going on. We stepped outside, I asked him what was going on, and he still refused to tell me. In desperation, I started a conversation that went something like this:

"Rae, come on, there isn't nothing wrong! You're pulling back and being weird around me, and you always seem happier to be around Serena than me!"

"Alex, what do you mean by that?"

"It's like you're trying to replace me with her!"

"Alex... Look, can you promise not to tell her something? And if you do, I will literally murder you."

"... I won't tell. Rae, do you like her?"

"A bit."

Long story short, I hit the concrete, couldn't get up again and started bawling like an idiot, and he had to try and comfort me, later with Serena's help, but I was pleading to be dead and screaming profanity left and right, sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe. It was a total breakdown and I said a lot of stuff that I had been wishing so much to tell Rae, and regret some of it now. It did wind up getting to Serena that Rae liked her - I told Rae to tell her (he deduced what I was talking about without needing further explanation) and we started bickering over it until Serena asked him flat-out if he had a crush on her, and he told her "... yes." But either way, I had my breakdown, and after Serena had left and I'd stopped being a howling mess, Rae helped me to get to my mom's car and I stayed home from robotics the next day, because I just couldn't handle it.

 

On Friday that same week, Serena and I were talking, and she mentioned she had a crush on a trans guy who was demi, but that Rae was the most prominent crush she had at the moment. Since she didn't name the name of the trans guy and it sounded a lot like a description of me, I asked her to clarify, but she wouldn't until we were leaving school, when she kissed the side of my face and left quickly. I passed this news on to Rae, who I think was a little stunned, but didn't really show too much emotion (then again, this was through text). Then Rae asked if he could tell me something that might not be the best time for it, and I told him go ahead.

Well, Rae turned out to have a slight crush on me before he realized I was a guy, and his brain killed off the feelings because he's straight. I was so taken aback and so pissed that things had turned out badly for me that I completely flipped. I was screaming at him, although not saying mean things about him, and he was trying to help me but I don't think he understood how serious of a meltdown that was. When I start yelling like that, I don't stop till I'm running out of steam. I did some stuff I can't talk about, and then finally pretty much collapsed, leaving Rae exhausted and myself a wreck, still trying to internalize.

 

Fast forward to Monday, where I wondered if I had a crush on Serena because I felt a little bit giddy and excited when remembering that she liked me. So Rae and Serena have been dragging me to anime club during lunch, which is on Mondays and Wednesdays, meaning that I saw the both of them at lunch that day. I apologized to Rae for flipping out on him ("It's okay, Alex. It was justified.") and then after Rae had left and I was leaving, I kissed Serena quickly, on the cheek. I'm not totally sure what made me do that, but I remembered how Rae felt about Serena, and fled, caught him before passing period was over, and told him what I'd done. He wasn't too happy about it, especially because Serena had been reciprocating his feelings for her, but he shrugged it off a bit. I guess he thought things would be fine. Well, he was so utterly wrong.

 

Tuesday, Serena was extremely affectionate with me. Not in front of Rae - she was actually trying to hide it from him. But after leaving school that day and talking with Rae over text, he told me that he was worried because what he'd "flagged as ways of showing certain feelings have been happening more with you and less with me". I basically told him to relax a bit, that things were probably okay. Well, Wednesday, Serena and I met briefly after class and she told me flat-out that she liked me more than she liked Rae, which left me a little shocked, but I asked her if she wanted to go out. She said she wasn't sure quite yet, but then the both of us left, I had to go home and pack up the rest of my stuff because it was the day before I was moving to another house (ironically, in Serena's neighborhood).

Later Rae and I were texting, and I told him what Serena had said, which made him a bit upset, but he tried to keep himself together. Keyword: tried. He failed miserably and started crying, and I called him and did my best to talk him through it, but when I hung up the phone I felt miserable myself, because I do love Rae more than I like Serena, and it killed me to hear him in that bad a state. Even if I didn't love Rae, he's my best friend, so I still felt really terrible about it, because I felt like I had interfered in something happy for him. We stayed up past 1 AM that night talking (well, 1 for me, 3 for him), which made me feel like I was going to conk out in first hour.

 

So that day, I caught Serena during passing period, and I told her I was worried about Rae, but she basically dismissed it and told me she wanted to date me. I couldn't tell her no, and in a panic, sent a flurry of messages to Rae asking where he was, and we caught each other by the cafeteria, where I told him what happened. And I think I basically saw him break in two. He didn't cry or anything, but his face just dropped and his eyes went so dark, and I knew it was killing him. It hurt me too, but I didn't say anything.

Rae, Serena and I had agreed we were going to spend lunch together that day - Rae and I had actually planned on it being for him talking to Serena about the relationship drama, but the road bump with Serena and I becoming a couple completely botched his plan, and she was way too affectionate with me. Hugging I'm okay with, although Rae looked really unhappy, but she kept kissing me (down the neck, too, which I myself am not comfortable with, never mind Rae watching) and just being way too affectionate. After Rae left for his locker, Serena and I wound up kissing, and I was so disgusted by it. I don't know, maybe it wasn't a good kiss or something, but the entire situation was so awkward for me, especially when her friends caught us and yelled "YEAH SERENA!" No, no, no.

 

Later Rae and I were at robotics together (thankfully for him and partially for me, Serena couldn't go) and I hugged him tightly, and he cried a bit, though not enough for anyone to see. I gave him another hug and then left to go cut some metal on the bandsaw, but then in the middle of the cutting job I got a wave of stomach pain and had to turn the bandsaw off and fall to the floor, and had trouble standing again - and after getting hit with another few waves, gave up and just curled up in a sitting position on the floor. Rae came in to show me something somewhat funny, saw me on the floor, and asked if I was okay. When I told him no, he offered to help me to the health office, which I took him up on, and the trip took us a bit longer than normal because we had to move slowly and I kept getting bad pain and falling again. Well, when we got there the health office attendant had already left, and my counselor and another female staff member came by and asked if I was okay, to which Rae answered that my stomach hurt. I don't quite remember what they said, but they did refer to me as a "her" and went to open the bathroom for me, but even though I felt like I was going to puke, I told them not to. I knew they'd open the girls room, and I couldn't deal with that.

Rae and my counselor helped me out to the bench in the office, and I sat there wadded up into a ball until my mom came to get me, and was squeezing Rae's hand so hard I actually managed to cut off the circulation, it hurt that badly. When my mom came to get me, she and Rae had this exchange:

"Hi, Mrs. [my last name]. He's not feeling that great."

"I can see that." *helps me to my feet* "Thanks for staying with her."

I intervened and pointed out the gender mistake that my mom made, but she didn't even correct herself, just went "oh! duh". I gave Rae a helpless look, and he shrugged apologetically and left.

 

So I got home, only to be suddenly misgendered and called by my birth name out of nowhere, and texted Rae pleading with him to make it stop. He showed full support, but he and I talked a lot on Friday (I stayed home from school, he texted me during the breaks) and for a bit today.

Long story short, Rae's still a wreck. And his low mood is dragging my mood down. I don't know what to do about Serena, or the misgendering. I don't know how to help Rae, and I don't have a person to turn to right now. (I asked my friend Mark what to do, and he went "I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND YOU GET INTO ANOTHER PROBLEM! My freshman year was not this dramatic. Look, I don't know what to do either, but the thing is, there is no way this is going to end normally, so either get into a poly relationship or just stay out of each other's pants." Yes, because that's really helpful advice, especially considering that I don't want to hurt Serena but I doubt she'd be up for a poly relationship of any sort.) Rae's behaving a bit as if this entire thing is my fault, which I already felt that it was, but I feel so bad for interfering, especially considering I'm not even happy with Serena. And stress from everything else is just piling and piling and piling and I don't know how much longer I can do this... My thoughts are getting darker, and it's getting scary. I'm only trying to help a friend, why is this so hard?

 

Gdi, I just need this to stop.

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I'm sorry for all your problems and that I'm not able to give specific advive...

But atm i'm in a emotional pinch myself.

 

I'll have a medical examination tomorrow in a hospital with a full narcosis and i'm really afraid, though everybody tells me to relax and that it's surely not a big thing....I'M AFRAID... sad.gif

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my advice send Serena an email detailing that you are uncomfortable with the affection, and you are protective of your friend Rae and don't want to see him crumble. Plan a time for you to all meet in which it is agreed on no funny buisness will happen and lay down the complete triangle. Maybe Serena will surprise you, or maybe she's extremely affectionate/flirty by nature and not interested in Rae at all but it will help you all bring closure to the to find where you all stand and if you need to hang out with Rae sperately.

 

Next, is your counsler supportive of your real gender? if yes then perhaps its time for them to have a one on one talk with your mother. You might also want to look into the local chapter of PFLAG if you are in the US (some chapters are supportive with parents who's kids fall under the rest of the LGBT*AQ spectrum and if they are perhaps you should talk to your mom about attending one).

 

Hang in there, I know it sucks but we're here for you no matter how crazy life gets.

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Cavedragon, there's one thing here that's really, really bothering me. If Rae is your best friend, then why did you pursue a relationship with Serena full-well knowing that he had feelings for her? A good friend would have told Serena 'I'm sorry, but I can't do anything with you knowing how Rae feels'. Honestly, the best course of action is to break up with Serena, and get that subject of contention handled if you truly value your friendship to Rae. You said that you like Rae more than Serena. Make your actions reflect that.

Edited by Omega Entity

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To be honest, Cavedragon, I have to say that the best thing you can possibly do is stay away from BOTH of them for quite a while. Till they can sort out their feelings - which as OE has said, your actions haven't helped - and for you to sort yourself out. Because you sound as confused as the situation itself.

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I mostly just have a question for you guys, I guess - maybe somebody here has been through the same sort of thing and knows what to do?

 

I've been really stressed since yesterday morning. It was over something sort of minor… I decided to make a list of things to do, and it got pretty long, and things spiraled from there. Deadlines have always freaked me out a bit.

 

But anyway - I got heartburn for the rest of that day and couldn't bring myself to eat anything after breakfast. Had nightmares on top of that. So today all of the stress is still tailing me and food isn't looking so appealing. Is there a way to shake the anxiety?

 

I know this is all really dumb and I sorta brought it upon myself, but I just want it to stop so I can go back to feeling normal.

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DarkDagger, it's not dumb at all! I've had days like that myself. What I usually do is try and do something I enjoy that relaxes me. In my case, I'll draw, play a game for a bit, sculpt, do some chainmail - anything that will settle my mind and give me a bit of meditative calm.

 

As for the heartburn, I have some digestive aids that I'll often take when my stomach is upset, called Papayate/Papaya Enzyme. They're chewable, and taste pretty decent to boot.

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