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Emotional Support

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I'm not intruding if I ask for some support here, am I?

 

Cavedragon, this is a situation that can't be 'supported'. The only support I can give you, the only support this kind of situation deserves, is a big, fat dose of REALITY...you have no business whatsoever....ABSOLUTELY NONE... being 'friends' with some 25 year old grown man. I don't care how mature you think you are, that guy is a grown man, he's been around the block a lot more than you and can run circles around you mentally and psychologically. In other words, this guy can play some major head games that you can't even begin to comprehend or keep up with and can twist you badly without you even knowing what's going on and already is. If I were your parents, I'd threaten this guy with jail if I caught him so much as talking to you and you'd be in so much trouble you'd never even consider talking to some guy that old again. I'd have you on lock down and you'd be 18 before you saw a computer again in MY house. It says something very, very negative about him and his mental state that he's talking to a 14 year old girl. It's inappropriate in the extreme in all ways. End this farce of a 'friendship' now, for your own sake.

 

She's talking about being on her way out.

 

All old people do. And I know it's not easy. Watching a loved one decline is one of the hardest things to do or deal with. Make sure you go out and do things that you enjoy, hang out with people your own age, to get a break and take your mind from...well... death. That's not a luxury, that's a necessity. Stay strong. I wish you both the best.

 

I do have some peppermint tea actually!

 

Oh, good! Peppermint does go a long way to sooth your stomach. smile.gif And next time, wash the HELL out of your lettuce! I usually give mine a rinse, but now, after reading your post, I'm going to royally wash the crap out of it. I'm really glad you're feeling better. smile.gif

Edited by MedievalMystic

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Cavedragon, this is a situation that can't be 'supported'.  The only support I can give you, the only support this kind of situation deserves,  is a big, fat dose of REALITY...you have no business whatsoever....ABSOLUTELY NONE... being 'friends' with some 25 year old grown man.  I don't care how mature you think you are, that guy is a grown man, he's been around the block a lot more than you and can run circles around you mentally and psychologically.  In other words, this guy can play some major head games that you can't even begin to comprehend or keep up with and can twist you badly without you even knowing what's going on and already is.    If I were your parents, I'd threaten this guy will jail if I caught him so much as  talking to you and you'd be in so much trouble you'd never even consider talking to some guy that old again.  I'd have you on lock down and you'd be 18 before you saw a computer again in MY house.    It says something very, very negative about him and his mental state that he's talking to a 14 year old girl.  It's inappropriate in the extreme in all ways.  End this farce of a 'friendship' now, for your own sake.

Um, I'm a boy. I'm not a girl. Sorry, I just needed to correct that.

 

Either way - I do think I've figured out why he began speaking to me in the first place. He has a serious god complex, he's admitted as such to me, and he has some weird wackoid plans to try and take over the world by transmitting a virus through people's brains. He also has two friends who he began speaking to when they were in eighth grade (I was in 8th when he began speaking to me, although I'm in 9th now) and as college students, they now plan to help him, as far as I'm aware. My guess is that he tried to get me in on it, and manipulate me into thinking that this was for the good of humanity, so that I would want to help him, and when it stopped working, he got angry and tried to control me so that I couldn't tell others what he was planning. (His manipulating with the virus thing worked for a bit, scarily enough, but I've directed my energy at school studies and robotics instead now. And I do not want to be in on his BS!)

 

It was his initiation of the friendship, and he cut me off on the day of the chatlog I posted. We have not spoken since and I have absolutely no intention of doing so, unless what I plan to do about him absolutely requires it and there is literally no other option (which should not be the case, I see no situation where I have a need to speak with him again) - and even on the minuscule chance it was necessary, I'd be sure to have someone watching/listening over-the-shoulder so that if he threatened me again I have a witness. And my father did point out how weird it was for someone his age to willingly associate with a kid, hence leading me to my conclusion that I stated earlier.

 

Either way, thank you for your response - I did need a little bit of a slap like that.

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Girl, boy, doesn't matter...my advice is the same regardless. But sorry about the mistake.

 

As far as his 'virus' plans go, I wouldn't sweat it. Trust me when I tell you that this guy isn't even close to being smart enough to pull something like that off, especially if he's trying to recruit the help of 9th graders for his big plans. God, what an idiot! lmao! I'll sleep just fine tonight and so should you. If you told people that crap they'd laugh in his stupid face.

 

And you don't need to 'do' anything to this guy except to forget he ever existed. He's weird as hell, he's twisted as hell and you're better off without his psycho ass in your life. Your life and well being will be better without him in it. Your dad is absolutely right. Listen to him.

Edited by MedievalMystic

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Frankly, Cavedragon, the guy's totally off his rocker. the only kind of 'virus' is his special brand of manipulation via his local cadre of underage minions. Seriously, this guy reeks of raging cultist. I really don't have words for how completely ridiculous his little plot is. "What is this, I can't even" is about as close as I can get. There aren't words to describe how utterly stupid it is, let alone the people who actually fell for it.

 

As MM says, stay away from shady older people, yeah? until you're an adult, anyone who's trying to befriend someone ten years their junior is bad news, in most cases. Even when you're technically an adult, it's still something that you need to constantly be aware of. The best manipulators are the ones who do it without you realizing it. This guy just happened to slip up a little too early in the brainwashing routine.

Edited by Omega Entity

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...you have no business whatsoever....ABSOLUTELY NONE... being 'friends' with some 25 year old grown man.
Some? Why, hes he is. Just not *this* one. This one is unhealthy to be around.

 

My mother was also the kind who threatened to take away my things. Sometimes she actually threw away things I needed for schoolwork (how on Earth do you think children these days do their schoolwork without computers? Heck, I'd not have managed at all, since I started with programming studies in high school - and that was *back in the day*; today - group works, collaborations between children living not across the street,research papers, all computer).

Children will be lucky not to develop some kind of lifelong complex from this kind of behaviour. Children are supposed to be able to trust their parents, rather than feel the need to hide and lock away everything they own and conceal who they talk to because they know their parents will react abusively to it. It is always better to have your child trust you, and to simply keep an eye on the various "friendships" staying healthy. And it is not like it is less likely someone of the same age bullies even worse (the worst people my own child self ever met were girls a grade younger than I). Age group or sex of the other side is no guarantee of anything. I've also seen a 16-yo girl with plenty of time very methodically and successfully harassing a 22-yo two-meter-tall man. As well as bunch of 12-year-old girls pretending to be one 19-year-old gal on the internet.

 

It says something very, very negative about him and his mental state that he's talking to a 14 year old girl. It's inappropriate in the extreme in all ways.
Gender mistakes aside, *talking* to much younger people is not inappropriate. It would only be "inappropriate" if the talking became explicit.

 

That said - I agree on the most of rest. Stay away from him. Continuing to contact him does no good to anyone, you the least of them.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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Taking things away as punishment is a method of disciplining a child that doesn't involve verbal abuse or violence. I can't think of any other ways to discipline a child. Children require boundaries to grow into decent adults, and enforcing those boundaries means that there will be times your child hates you. Your job as a parent is to be a (loving) authority figure, -not- their friend. There's plenty of time to be their friend after they're adults. If kids don't respect their parents as authority figures, they'll have no respect for rules or other authority figures as they grow up.

 

If there's schoolwork that requires a computer, the school would have them for exactly that purpose, and the added bonus of (usually) having safeguards and adults nearby to monitor use.

 

 

Edited for grammar. I ain't got no skills, apparently.

Edited by Omega Entity

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There is a difference in getting the child everything they ask for (this is wrong, I agree) and taking away physical things they already own - especially if said physical things are not *solely* meant for entertainment. At worst, disconnect the net/TV cable. Don't take away the physical thing. Do not dictate who your child's friends are unless it is *actually* unhealthy.

 

I'll be honest. To this day, I very heavily distrust my mother. I never tell her what I do. Never. She is not the first person I would turn to in true need, but the extreme very last. And may I add, I *am* an adult I've been living on my own for long many years now. That's a barrier that would likely never disappear. And I've gotten nothing but loss from it all.

 

If there's schoolwork that requires a computer, the school would have them for exactly that purpose, and the added bonus of (usually) having safeguards and adults nearby to monitor use.
There may be computers at school, but that doesn't mean the children will be able to use them for long enough to actually finish their work. (Never mind that you may not be able to install specific programs your particular homework needs on them.) The only bus you can take home leaves 15 minutes after the lesson ends? Computer class is locked when the teacher leaves? Tough luck. Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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If there's schoolwork that requires a computer, the school would have them for exactly that purpose, and the added bonus of (usually) having safeguards and adults nearby to monitor use.

As the parent of a 14 year old, I have to point out that this is not necessarily true.

 

Oh, sure, the school has computers. But half the homework assignments are online these days. Schoology and Edmodo and other sites... I'm not even sure what all of them are anymore. (Which is bad, I know, I admit it. I can barely keep track of the sites my kid's current school uses, much less remember ones from all previous schools!)

 

Point being, students can't count on being able to do ALL of their computer-required assignments at school, on school computers.

 

And that's not even allowing for the occasionally ridiculous restrictions on some school systems' computers. From http://ksuasne.org/2013/07/11/internet-filtering/ :

The 2011 story “Don’t filter me” found that most school filters were so restrictive that students were unable to perform in-depth research on a variety of subjects (such as weaponry) based on filter settings, and in certain cases students were also blocked from finding information on LGBTQ websites, even if the material contained on those sites was not sexually explicit (and therefore justifiably “blockable” under CIPA),

 

Guevara (1998) reported that teachers complained about inability to access information needed for specific classes (such as the teen pregnancy class) because of filters blocking sites with words like “breast cancer” and “breast feeding,”

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how on Earth do you think children these days do their schoolwork without computers?

 

It's called a library. Or I stand over them while they do their homework. When they're done, they're done with the computer if they've lost the PRIVILEGE.

 

Children are supposed to be able to trust their parents, rather than feel the need to hide and lock away everything they own and conceal who they talk to because they know their parents will react abusively to it.

 

Yes. Kids are supposed to trust that their parents will look out for their well being and safety. And you really think that a kid 'locking away' everything they have would stop a parent from getting it? You've got a lot to learn. lol And who bought all that stuff that they 'own'? I did. I giveth and I taketh away as necessity dictates by their own behavior. As is my RIGHT as the parent. You choose the behavior, you choose the consequences. Plain and simple.

 

By law, a parent must feed, house and clothe their kids. Nowhere in the law does it say that parents must provide computers, cell phones and other gadgets, or $80 tennis shoes, jeans and cars. Those things are PRIVILEGES, not ENTITLEMENTS.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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I maintain that this kind over-surveillance and threatening behaviour can and often WILL ruin children's future lives - I have seen what it can do to people, and that can and often will last well into adulthood and till death. It's also parents' responsibility to ensure that their children wouldn't grow up to have severe lifelong psychological issues from their personal parenting methods. Psychological health is, after all, a part of the well-being parents are supposed to ensure.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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I maintain that it's my JOB as a parent to 'over survey' my kids. I'm going to know what they're doing, who they're doing it with and where they're at, 24/7/365 until the day they reach the age of 18. Period. In my world, that's not negotiable. If my kids wanted certain freedoms and privileges, they had to earn them. Those freedoms/privileges weren't a God given right just because they happened to exist.

 

And I ensured my kids 'psychological health' by bringing them up to deal with and handle life and consequences, and problems themselves, not fall apart the second life gets tough and expecting everyone to handle it and fix it for them.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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Using a computer to do your homework isn't a privilege. It's an advantage. I was raised to use a computer, and was left to do so with only my grades to show for my work. Today, I am a university senior majoring in Maritime Navigation and Engineering at one of the best institutions in my country, with several certificates for my abilities in C+, Java and Photoshop, and three foreign languages under my belt.

 

Things are never, and I mean never "plain and simple" when raising a child.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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-removed-

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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Closed until mods can deal with all this Emotional Support.

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I will be re-opening this thread later, but I need to post with people able to see what needs to be said.

 

I have left some of the discussion up. However, this is really not the thread to get into debates like this. I see a couple of posters actively recognized this and commented on it, but no one saw fit to take responsibility or accountability and go find the right thread to take the debate to, nor was it taken to PM. Instead, people tried to get the last word in. This is absolutely unacceptable. If you recognize that what you're posting does not belong in the thread, do not post it in the thread. Send the mods a report and let us take care of it. Take personal disputes to PM or to the correct thread. There is a report button in the upper right of every post.

 

So while I have left the some of the discussion posts up, I am considering this conversation finished. Any further posts on it in this thread will earn a warning for off-topic chatter. There are other threads out there - or you can make a new one - to further discuss anything started here. Just like in this thread, personal insults, name calling, and disrespect of other users will not be tolerated. Debate the topic, not the user.

 

There is more I could say, but tbh, I'm just very disappointed over how this situation and this thread in general has been handled. Mods really want this thread to work out for users, but there have been several times this thread has needed intervention. If this thread makes you too angry to be supportive, then please don't feel like you have to post. Different tones have a place in different settings. There's clearly a tone in this thread that is not working well for it. It's fine for users to give differing advice, but we need to stop debating with each other because that is not helping those who come here for help. Particularly, if a user is happy with the advice they have received, there may not be a need to push a situation further.

 

I suggest from here on out we all focus on actually supporting those posting asking for it. Less debating with each other and more just giving our advice. We can disagree and give differing posts of support while focusing on the person who is asking for support rather than debating the person we disagree with.

 

If you are not calm enough to make a post, walk away and give yourself time. Or right out your post, then walk away. Re-read and re-write it as needed later. The great thing about the internet is that we have some time to think about what we say without being completely left out of the conversation. We don't have to always say what our first reaction is. We have time to think about it and edit until we are sure our post is necessary and works with the flow of the thread.

 

This thread will be re-opened sometime tomorrow when we have all had the chance to think this over and cool down.

 

Re-opened.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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I am mad as living hell right now.

 

It's cold, its wet. I ride a bicycle, so I dress for the weather. I wear warm thinsulate mitts to keep my hands free of chill.

 

Some scumbag at work stole my gloves. I guess they feel they need them more than me. I want them back and they can return them by putting them back where they found them. Because if I find out who took them, I cannot guarantee I will not break their fingers.

 

I cannot stand people who thieve from others - particularly clothes.

 

I only have the satisfaction knowing that when I ride my bike and I get a bit of a runny nose, I wipe the back of my mitt. I was gonna wash them tomorrow... And I hope they wipe their face with it get all my unsavoury germs on them.

 

I am still mad. I will make a note that they can return them to where they found them - no questions will be asked. And I will try not to rearrange their fingers.

 

*needs a punching bag*

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that's seriously awful that someone stole from you. clothing can be very hard for people to replace and especially during cold weather?? what the heck!! i hope you get justice, honestly. i'm really sorry that happened.

 

a little while ago i was at a career fair and noticed $10 on the floor and i quickly took it and asked people around if it was theirs and i felt so awful knowing it was probably someone's lunch money. there wasn't any way i could think of to return it )': but knowing that someone purposely stole it sucks.

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I just came here to say this. And admit I'm feeling really sad lately. But that's not important.

 

Not everyone is perfect, but you don't have to be. You're good enough.

You may make bad decisions, but we love you for you.

Everyone deserves to be loved. Even you.

Turn your gaze towards the heavens, and smile upon the stars.

They smile back at you, knowing that you are wonderful.

And you always will be.

Now turn your smile towards the grass, the trees.

Love the plant life, and appreciate it in it's true form.

And turn your gaze to Earth as a whole, the Milky Way, the entire universe. And appreciate that you live in an incredible world.

Everyone matters, including you.

Everyone has a place in this world. It may not be one you want, but you have a place! You belong here!

You may be only human, but there's a lot a single human can do, especially for someone else.

Others appreciate you. Appreciate them in turn, and keep the wheel turning for all of eternity...

 

We.

Love.

You.

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DragonxEmpress, thank you, that is beautiful and so true! I have a feeling that I should show your post to a friend who is really unhappy with his current situation (or his life in general).

 

Not sure if this is the right place for my first world problem, I'm just so frustrated right now and there is no one around to talk to about this.

 

I have started working in IT this summer, which is really great and I love my job, although I still have to learn a lot of things. And as I like video games but can't really play the newer ones on my notebook, as it is already quite old (and was never really ment for gaming), I thought it would be a good idea to build myself a gaming pc. So during the last three month I spend a lot of time on researching what would be good and what could work together, and I saved the money for the parts, and yesterday I finally had all the parts together. With the help of a friend (of whom I thought he has a little more knowledge about computers, but obviously I know much more than him) I put the thing together yesterday, and when we tried to turn it on, nothing really happend. It is only working so far that you can tell it gets the necessary electricity.

So, today I asked one of my experienced colleagues, and he asked some things about how I put together some of the parts, and explained some things, and told me some things I could try. I got home from work and immediately started trying the things my colleague told me to do, but it still doesn't work. And I don't understand WHY. And that is what frustrates me the most, not that it doesn't work, but that I don't get why it doesn't work. It seems like I am going to learn more from this project than I hoped to learn... which is the better part. But I was also hoping to be able to use the new computer on the weekend, to get some distraction from the family reunion that will be on saturday (and I hate these family reunions).

My colleague said I could bring the computer to work if it still doesn't work, but I won't be getting to work until monday, as I have school the next two days.

 

I'm just... upset somehow. And I'm afraid that I have to buy another motherboard, as after putting everything together, than taking most of the parts away again, than putting it together again... I managed to get two scratches into the motherboard. And now I'm afraid that exactly that is the problem (although the scratches are tiny).

And it isn't even the first time I am building a PC. It is just the first time that I chose the parts by myself, because it is the first time I am building a PC for myself.

I'm feeling... useless and dumb...

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@Claudii: I am a "computer person" myself - more a programmer, but I did study hardware, too, and have built quite a few computers and am the local to go person for random computer problems, so if you'd like me to try and figure out what is going on, feel free to PM me, I can see whether I can take any good guesses when you have described what you have and have done (good-quality pictures would be perfect, of course).

 

I wouldn't worry about the scratches too much; it generally takes breaking or shorting an actual circuit for them to become harmful. I've not encountered someone managing to accidentally break a motherboard this way (I know plenty of cases of students managing to bend the pins on a processor, though, for instance...).

 

It can easily be that it is just something small and easily fixable. If it is not, then defective components may be a possibility - but usually there is a warranty of some kind and you can fairly easily swap the components out.

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I am on the verge of tears, trying not to cry, not to just give up.. I moved across country to safety, I am working with top notch specialists trying to find ways to help me not hurt so I can function better, Training the most amazing beautiful pup to be my service dog. Trying so so hard to stay positive no matter what.

 

We have been planning our future for so long, everything slowly falling into place, then this summer everything started to fall apart, it has been a rocky up and down roller coaster ride ever since that has at last come to a crashing end. The one and only person on this earth who ever really listens and understands me and knows me yet still loves me has lost his battle and passed away.

 

I have not seen him in well over a year, he had gone to take care of his parents and became ill while he was there, he said as soon as the docs fix him up he will be here. I just miss him so bad. He would call me 4 or 5 times a day, he would get me laughing so hard my sides would hurt. I just want him back, I want him back in my life I can't do this without him, he is my rock I am not strong enough to do it without him here for me.

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I am on the verge of tears, trying not to cry, not to just give up.. I moved across country to safety, I am working with top notch specialists trying to find ways to help me not hurt so I can function better, Training the most amazing beautiful pup to be my service dog. Trying so so hard to stay positive no matter what.

 

We have been planning our future for so long, everything slowly falling into place, then this summer everything started to fall apart, it has been a rocky up and down roller coaster ride ever since that has at last come to a crashing end. The one and only person on this earth who ever really listens and understands me and knows me yet still loves me has lost his battle and passed away.

 

I have not seen him in well over a year, he had gone to take care of his parents and became ill while he was there, he said as soon as the docs fix him up he will be here. I just miss him so bad. He would call me 4 or 5 times a day, he would get me laughing so hard my sides would hurt. I just want him back, I want him back in my life I can't do this without him, he is my rock I am not strong enough to do it without him here for me.

This pains me, as it seems like me. The most i can say is you have my shoulder. You are vague. Remember, the path to happiness isnt happy. Also, it will pass. Just go through it knowing that you can tell people without truly crying and that you can sgand up and ask for help. May i ask what is bothering you so? I know your person passed, but there seems to be more to it.

You have DoggyGuy with you in heart and soul.

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@Shienvien Thank you, and thank you for the offer! I'm always a bit scared that I broke something and it is my own fault. I'm in school now and have talked to some of my classmates about this, but it doesn't really brought me something new. I'm just trying to keep calm and wait for monday...

 

@Trinketguu *hugs* I'm not sure how or even if I can help you... Loosing someone close is always so hard. I hope you find the strength to get through it. Talking is always helping me when I am struggling with my father's death, so I hope you have someone to talk to (not only on the Internet). Try to keep the good times with the person in your memories, and try to be grateful for the time you had together. At least that is helping me...

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