Emotional Support

[CaesarZeppeli]

So, I had a dragon request finally accepted..I was so excited that I may finally be able to contirbute a sprite to the site. But it isn't getting any help, I wish I could draw dragons better so I could help it along myself. I feel that since I am asking for people to help me with everything that they don't want to help someone who can't do anything to help their idea move along....I feel worthless since I can't help draw or sprite.....

[Xythus]

Most Dragon Requests don't get completed for a VERY long time, so don't fret yet! Artists are most likely doing their own thing now, in school, or just busy. In the summer, during holidays, weekends, people have a bit more time, so things can get done then.

 

Also, its never too late to try yourself The only way to get better is to try try try and fail at first. There is the Sprite Tutorial linked in the Requests section, as well as the arts room in the Official DC IRC Chat (#arts). To go there, click on the green paint dragon in my siggy. We are really friendly.

[Obscure_Trash]

Today I learned there are two ways to hate being single. There's the "I hate being single" that's just kind of the background radiation of my life. Then there's the "Your crush is now in a relationship" level.

 

 

Also, I love and appreciate my friends, but they are all the type of people who feel the need to make people feel better right away whenever they're sad, and they just gush all kinds of positivity and crap. Like, that's pretty much never what I want. Sometimes I need a bit to wallow in the fact that things kinda suck. And all I want is someone to say "Yeah, dude, that sucks."

Aww, bummer. D:

 

-snip-

 

You've got a lot going on. *hugs*

 

I highly suggest calling a helpline or visiting an appropriate online forum for your darker thoughts, especially if you cannot bring yourself to ask your friends for help (sometimes our friends are busy, but you really should ask if they aren't picking up on your signs - if you can't, I understand. Sometimes we don't always feel comfortable doing so, unfortunately). <3

 

It was really nice for your niece and her fiance to step up to help you! As you were living there rent free and cooking in return, were you thanking them for not demanding or asking for money? Or just expecting thanks in return? I know that stuff can really wear on us, but sometimes we have to give first in order to get.

 

You sound like you are in a really bad place, though. Have you talked to your bf about any of this? I bet your friends would make time for you as well.

Was taking the bus too much of a hassle compared to car costs? If that would be cheaper, even if not as freeing, perhaps it'd be okay to keep taking the bus. Insurance definitely is expensive! You can always get a license later. Sometimes the timing just sucks.

 

It's a vicious cycle not being able to afford help but needing help to move on. People pushing you doesn't help. I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with all of this. Any other family, even if far away, you could move in with? Perhaps a new start (and a new set of jobs to apply for!) might help?

 

I'm sorry I can't be of more help. I do wish you luck. <3

 

-snip-

 

I know you were posting for someone else, but if you are looking for some honest advice, highlight the following: It does suck when you want to be in a relationship and it seems like everybody else around you is! If you're feeling like a third wheel, have you talked to your friends about it - asked if you guys could schedule some time to just hang out with them alone because you're missing the alone time? Every relationship, friendship, family, or romantic, needs communication to survive. However, it might also help if you reached out as well. From your post, it seems like, just like you're not having fun hanging out with couples, they're not having fun hanging out with you and their response to the awkwardness of your unhappiness is to cling closer to the person that is making them happy, creating an ugly cycle. Or perhaps it's time to spread out and meet some new people. Are you a part of any clubs? Any clubs you would be interested in joining? Make some new friends!

 

On your new post - yeah! Go for it. =3

 

-snip-

Ouch. D: Tazzay, that sucks! I hope you start improving physically. 3=

 

The thing about toxic people is that they are toxic. They don't just leave because it'll be better for us. I know it's hard, but if this person is really toxic, you need to cut them out. I've had to ignore people for months, one person even took a few years, before they finally left me alone, but even with them bothering me, I was much happier and healthier not engaging them. Good luck!

 

mousies

 

Aww, rwyvern! *huggles* You're doing the best you can and that's all you can do. I'm sorry you've been thrown in over your head. I do hope it all works out for the best.

 

~

 

ElementalMistressLuna, there are plenty of requests out there where the OP is not an artist. Yes, it is easier when you can do your own art, so just keep in mind that DR has tons more art than artists available. It takes a while, but an artist will likely come along one day to help finish it. While you're waiting, if it really bothers you - well, you can't get better without practice. =3

[RWyvern]

Your situation sounds terrible, your dad shouldn't have thrust this upon you when you are inexperienced and you were not expecting it at all. If it comes down to it, and you have no other choice, I suggest euthanising them. If the poor things are suffering and starving and nothing is working, they need to be put out of their misery . Keep trying to get them to eat-hopefully they will take interest eventually and they'll be saved. I'm afraid I don't know anything about how to care for baby mice, so I can't help with the milk problem

Two are still refusing like their life depends on it (oh if only they knew any better), the rest are beginning to take tentative amounts and one, thank goodness, has begun sucking their lot down without much fuss. Getting ready for night #2 and I'm already ready to just go to sleep whenever I get the chance @___@

 

If any of them aren't going to make it I'll know by the end of this week. I have a feeling the former two are going to be the first to go... and I'm really unsure about having them euthanised because things can take a turn for the better ><

 

 

Aww, rwyvern! *huggles* You're doing the best you can and that's all you can do. I'm sorry you've been thrown in over your head. I do hope it all works out for the best.

 

Thanks sock <3 Being responsible for seven genuinely helpless lives so suddenly totally threw the metaphorical spanner in the metaphorical works. I'm still getting over Zuri and wasn't planning for more mammalian pets in the foreseeable future! I've calmed down a bit now but I'm still resetting my scrambled thoughts haha ;w;;

 

 

Edited October 29, 2014 by rampaging wyvern

[Keileon]

So this artist I follow on FurAffinity and deviantArt has been holding this Halloween art exchange for the last couple of weeks. Being a freelance graphic artist myself, and considering the prizes are art from the artist that's hosting it, obviously I joined.

 

I finished my piece earlier this week and uploaded it to my FA (I can't put it on dA until tomorrow). I felt pretty good about the shading! Unfortunately my skills are extremely lacking in other areas and when I do art trades with people I tend to feel bad about it because they're so much better at art than I am. In fact, most of my art trade have been with close friends of mine.

 

So just to generally check out the competition and see what quality pieces I can expect when everyone starts posting their entries, I started browsing the galleries of the other participants. I started with the person I was drawing for- and my heart immediately sank, because this person is someone I'll almost definitely watch after the exchange is over because their stuff is so good. Where I can only see the flaws in my work, this person is at the level of most of the commissioners I follow on FA. So now I just feel really really bad that I was the one who got assigned to this person and not someone who can reproduce that level of quality.

 

Man, my friends aren't helping me feel better either. I gave them the basic gist of this and one of them basically said "You did this to poor Timber, too. How do you keep managing this?" (Timber being one of my closest friends; we do trades a lot or just generally gift art) while another friend replied "It's a concept called 'feeling sorry for someone'."

 

I'm far too easily hurt or discouraged, and I've known this for months. I'm prone to overreacting to the usual jabs my friends and I take at each other, and I've always been overly critical of myself, but I can't help it. I have Asperger's Syndrome and mild (undiagnosed) depression, both of which really heavily affect how I react to things, but I can never find the appropriate time or place to talk to my friends about it. They're aware of it all (and honestly I feel that if they hadn't been there years ago I'd be dead or in a psych ward by now) but... you just don't come out and randomly talk about those things, you know?

 

Man. I love my friends, I'd trust them with my life, but they're not exactly the best emotional support around.

Edited October 30, 2014 by Kiryu

[Xythus]

Hey Rampaging Wyvern, just checking in to see if everything is okay. I had read your story much earlier, but I hope everything has been well up to date. I think you are really kind-hearted for taking on that kind of responsibility!

[RWyvern]

Alas, I have only one left. Four passed on throughout the day and night yesterday, and two today. The one survivor is doing well and has been the best out of the lot, but I'm really lacking in confidence, not that I had much to begin with hehe >< I know why two died - somehow they managed to get the formula up their noses - but the others I don't really know. The ones that passed today were a runt and one that had been going off its food for some time now so I probably should've seen it coming.

 

And upon informing my mother she says 'perhaps you should just let the last one waste away' or something along those lines. Yeah, thanks for the support >_> I don't want them to die abandoned and alone, and I'm giving it my all for them to have a second chance. If I can get this one to make it past a week then it stands a far better chance of surviving to adulthood. Three flippin' days to go.

[CaesarZeppeli]

I wish you the best of luck RWyvern! /hugs/ Try not to ignore your mom, even if it dies you can at least know you tried to give it a chance. I know it sucks, I have lost kits in similar situations, but it hurts less knowing you tried and didn't leave them there to die on purpose.

[Dragonhatchling]

So, for those of you who haven't seen my post a while ago about my former best friend being a complete jerk.... I'll give some backstory.... you're welcome to PM me if I'm too vague... you'll get the whole thing.

 

3 months before school ended (around Easter if that helps some of you) I had to make a decision to where iwas going to go for college. My best friend who was like a brother to me was helping me go through this stressful time with my family, as I was beginning to lean closer and closer to the local community college and they were having none of it. Once easter break ended, I had to make my decision. After a long long time going through this, I finally decided I'd got to RIT soley for the reasons of proving to myself that I could do it, and getting away from the constant hell-hole my house had become even before college.... I told him this. He seemed genuinely happy for me- having said all along that he'd think it would be better if i go. But two days after that, in my AP Euro class, he freaked out on me about his friends that went there not being my friends at all and that they were just being nice. Wouldn't talk to me since. Even went so far that day as to say he was going to end the friendship to my best girl friend who I considered a sister and we occasionally used as a go-between if we were having a misunderstanding (which we had had one about this very subject in January, and both came to an understanding that I wouldn't ever take any of his friends because that's not who I am).

 

So time went on. I was utterly ignored unless in class with him. Hurt me terribly. I found, though, that I had about 30 people who actually cared about me. And all these people were telling me to drop him. Thing is, I don't roll that way.... I'll always be there for a person even after stuff like this... plus I could see clearly- as they could too- that he was jealous or something of the sort and this didn't ever need to happen in the first place.

 

But it had.

 

Graduation came. He paled around with me with a little bit of an edge but otherwise mainly normal. Graduation went. No words. Didn't surprise me.

 

Summer college class started at my local community college that I was in. He had the same class. Was super happy about it too apparently and paled around with me like we were once again brother and sister. All was well. Even when it got closer to me leaving. He kept telling me I wouldn't have to worry about being forgotten and that he wouldn't forget me and come to visit.

 

I left.

 

I came back in two weeks for a band competition since I was in the marching band. He found out I was there (I planned on it being a complete surprise for anyone there) and everything seemed fine. Even drove me home. We talked about how life was. All was good. Said it was nice not to be forgotten and that I hadn't forgotten him. Wanted to know if I would go for a hike, but later found out he had to work and was completely sorry for it.

 

I came back again for another band competition and we hung around each other. Same deal. So I figured maybe things were getting better again.... since neither of us ever talked about what had happened even though he promised me he would talk about it before summer ended.

 

He came up last weekend to go to the championships with the friends he thought i'd take away. I also got invited to the Bastille concert, which he originally kept saying he was going to and I wasn't invited until that second week I was back. Things were ok. But just ok. For the bastille concert.

I was generally ignored, but caught glimpses of that brother he used to be. I played it off, knowing he missed his other friends more since he had seen me rather recently and not them at all. He held me in the concert when I almost passed out, covered my ears due to my sensitive hearing at one point too even though he also was in some pain. Told me he had me until I was better. I didn't expect that, but that's the brother i once knew.

 

The next two days I was completely and utterly ignored. I knew why. He's worried I was going to take his friends away as I was being included in things willingly by them. I played it off even though I was hurt. Terribly. I invited him then to come for halloween which he had said before when we went grape picking the second week I was back that he'd come and was looking forward to it....

 

Said he had plans. I said "Alright, well, I'm not gonna force you but if you wanna come the offer stands." Cuz I knew he'd have another best friend by now. I expected that.

 

Well, I didn't get a response until Halloween if he was going to come or not. Apparently my girl best friend/sister asked if he was coming (she hadn't seen him for a terribly long time and wanted to see him) and he asked her if she was begin the intermediary about everything. I had no clue she did this. But she answered no and he asked me how long Halloween went at my house and if his new friend Cody could come. I said sure, as I seriously didn't mind. I wasn't expecting him to come anyways, so bringing a friend wasn't bothering me.

 

They came. His new best friend and I got along really well. My old brother acted as if he was back to normal somewhat, back belonging in the house he once nearly used to live in. Back to joking around. I made a comment at some point that was relevant that he ignored me last weekend and he played dumb, but I held steadfast saying a simple "Yeah you did" and he knew I realized. Things were still fine.

 

Time came for everyone to leave by my father saying so... two hours premature since dad was tired. I thanked everyone for coming, welcoming them back if they so wished. Went to bed after doing the nightly check of Facebook.

 

This afternoon I went to message my sister friend and realized my old brother had deleted me. I sent a text a few hours later asking what I had done to have that warranted and if we could finally have that talk he had promised me a while ago.

 

No response. And I'm not expecting one. But I'm still terribly hurt....

 

I can see very clearly that if I had chosen to go to my community college this wouldn't've happened. I knew from January he was scared of loosing me, but we promised each other we'd still be best buds. Even the summer we once again promised that after all that had happened. His family still considers me a daughter....

 

I'm just terribly terribly hurt. I know it didn't have to go this route. I'm wondering if there'd be any way to save it. And I know now that it isn't anything I've really done. I try to talk to him. Try to include him. He's too scared to do so back.

I've gotten too close to his new friend and his old ones. He finds me a threat, hence pushing me away and trying to get rid of me altogether. Yet, I'm too stubborn to leave completely without a final and true say of "hey I don't want to be your friend" because there's other days where he does say I"m like a sister to him and that he misses me......

 

I don't understand what exactly, completely, is going on... and I don't like any of it... it's gotten to the point a while while ago where it stressed me out, and now everything coming back is just... I can't deal... .... and my sister friend is going to try and talk to him this weekend sometime as she too hates to see this happen, and can see how badly this is bothering me. She can see occasionally too where the old brother of mine still is, and how those glimpses are genuine. So that one's still around. But we both know he's doing this as a coping thing...

 

I've known him for 5 years and we've formed a seriously close bond. To have that just shut off without warning worried me. And still does. But even when we're with other people I can see he still realizes that bond's still there. Other people see it too....

 

the situation just keeps getting more and more bleak.

[Omega Entity]

Honestly, it sounds like you need to let him go. I also doubt that your going to community college would have really changed anything, if he's as jealous as you make him out to be. It sounds like he might be a control freak, and that he doesn't have control anymore is causing him to toss up his hands and find someone else to manipulate - which is what he's doing by playing this 'I like you, no I don't' game. That he tried to make you promise not to befriend certain people is a pretty good sign of controlling tendencies, and something you should distance yourself from it.

 

If it turns out that's not the case (doubtful), give him his space. Don't try contacting him. Don't use your mutual friend as an intermediary. If he wants to continue to be your friend, he'll come around when he's ready. But it sounds like he's decided to pull away, and if that's the case, it really is best to let him go and do what he's going to do. It certainly hasn't been for lack of trying on your part, as far as trying to include him, and none of this is your fault. Sometimes people are just jerks.

 

It sounds like you're pretty young. Don't let this keep you from making some good friends - friends who won't jerk you around, or make you promise ludicrous things, like not befriending certain people (as he tried to do).

Edited November 1, 2014 by Omega Entity

[Obscure_Trash]

I'm really sorry, DH, but I have to agree with the above. I believe this follows what I said last time, pretty much to a tee.

What you're going through sucks. I understand, I do - I've lost many great friends over the years mostly due to things like space - going to different colleges, moving to different states, as well as some other personal things. It hurts going through this. But you trying to keep this friendship going when it's clear your friend isn't willing to put in any work to meet you is unhealthy and is growing more harmful to your mental and psychological well being. You need to back off, give your friend space, and work on caring for you. If your friend still values this friendship, he'll start making an effort. He's not and you putting in the only effort is only hurting you. Please, for your own sake, begin to let this go and make some different friends. Unfortunately, not all friendships last forever, no matter how close we get. *hugs and snugs*

[CaesarZeppeli]

I'm really sorry DH! That guy is a jerk. I agree, you need to let him go. A true friend, even a brotherly friend, would be incredibly happy for you and supportive of your desires. You cannot blame yourself for making the choices you did. If he isn't happy then forget him. I once had a very close guy friend tell me couldn't love my boyfriend because he loved me. I was happy with my boyfriend, still am, and he was so jealous he wanted to kill him to have me. My solution was to stop communication with him and I told him never to talk to me again.

 

Just let him go and find better friends! Don't exhaust yourself emotionally and mentally over this. You are a kind person, you will find someone else who sees this like we do, I'm sure.

[MedievalMystic]

So, for those of you who haven't seen my post a while ago about my former best friend being a complete jerk.... I'll give some backstory.... you're welcome to PM me if I'm too vague... you'll get the whole thing.

 

3 months before school ended (around Easter if that helps some of you) I had to make a decision to where iwas going to go for college. My best friend who was like a brother to me was helping me go through this stressful time with my family, as I was beginning to lean closer and closer to the local community college and they were having none of it. Once easter break ended, I had to make my decision. After a long long time going through this, I finally decided I'd got to RIT soley for the reasons of proving to myself that I could do it, and getting away from the constant hell-hole my house had become even before college.... I told him this. He seemed genuinely happy for me- having said all along that he'd think it would be better if i go. But two days after that, in my AP Euro class, he freaked out on me about his friends that went there not being my friends at all and that they were just being nice. Wouldn't talk to me since. Even went so far that day as to say he was going to end the friendship to my best girl friend who I considered a sister and we occasionally used as a go-between if we were having a misunderstanding (which we had had one about this very subject in January, and both came to an understanding that I wouldn't ever take any of his friends because that's not who I am).

 

So time went on. I was utterly ignored unless in class with him. Hurt me terribly. I found, though, that I had about 30 people who actually cared about me. And all these people were telling me to drop him. Thing is, I don't roll that way.... I'll always be there for a person even after stuff like this... plus I could see clearly- as they could too- that he was jealous or something of the sort and this didn't ever need to happen in the first place.

 

But it had.

 

Graduation came. He paled around with me with a little bit of an edge but otherwise mainly normal. Graduation went. No words. Didn't surprise me.

 

Summer college class started at my local community college that I was in. He had the same class. Was super happy about it too apparently and paled around with me like we were once again brother and sister. All was well. Even when it got closer to me leaving. He kept telling me I wouldn't have to worry about being forgotten and that he wouldn't forget me and come to visit.

 

I left.

 

I came back in two weeks for a band competition since I was in the marching band. He found out I was there (I planned on it being a complete surprise for anyone there) and everything seemed fine. Even drove me home. We talked about how life was. All was good. Said it was nice not to be forgotten and that I hadn't forgotten him. Wanted to know if I would go for a hike, but later found out he had to work and was completely sorry for it.

 

I came back again for another band competition and we hung around each other. Same deal. So I figured maybe things were getting better again.... since neither of us ever talked about what had happened even though he promised me he would talk about it before summer ended.

 

He came up last weekend to go to the championships with the friends he thought i'd take away. I also got invited to the Bastille concert, which he originally kept saying he was going to and I wasn't invited until that second week I was back. Things were ok. But just ok. For the bastille concert.

I was generally ignored, but caught glimpses of that brother he used to be. I played it off, knowing he missed his other friends more since he had seen me rather recently and not them at all. He held me in the concert when I almost passed out, covered my ears due to my sensitive hearing at one point too even though he also was in some pain. Told me he had me until I was better. I didn't expect that, but that's the brother i once knew.

 

The next two days I was completely and utterly ignored. I knew why. He's worried I was going to take his friends away as I was being included in things willingly by them. I played it off even though I was hurt. Terribly. I invited him then to come for halloween which he had said before when we went grape picking the second week I was back that he'd come and was looking forward to it....

 

Said he had plans. I said "Alright, well, I'm not gonna force you but if you wanna come the offer stands." Cuz I knew he'd have another best friend by now. I expected that.

 

Well, I didn't get a response until Halloween if he was going to come or not. Apparently my girl best friend/sister asked if he was coming (she hadn't seen him for a terribly long time and wanted to see him) and he asked her if she was begin the intermediary about everything. I had no clue she did this. But she answered no and he asked me how long Halloween went at my house and if his new friend Cody could come. I said sure, as I seriously didn't mind. I wasn't expecting him to come anyways, so bringing a friend wasn't bothering me.

 

They came. His new best friend and I got along really well. My old brother acted as if he was back to normal somewhat, back belonging in the house he once nearly used to live in. Back to joking around. I made a comment at some point that was relevant that he ignored me last weekend and he played dumb, but I held steadfast saying a simple "Yeah you did" and he knew I realized. Things were still fine.

 

Time came for everyone to leave by my father saying so... two hours premature since dad was tired. I thanked everyone for coming, welcoming them back if they so wished. Went to bed after doing the nightly check of Facebook.

 

This afternoon I went to message my sister friend and realized my old brother had deleted me. I sent a text a few hours later asking what I had done to have that warranted and if we could finally have that talk he had promised me a while ago.

 

No response. And I'm not expecting one. But I'm still terribly hurt....

 

I can see very clearly that if I had chosen to go to my community college this wouldn't've happened. I knew from January he was scared of loosing me, but we promised each other we'd still be best buds. Even the summer we once again promised that after all that had happened. His family still considers me a daughter....

 

I'm just terribly terribly hurt. I know it didn't have to go this route. I'm wondering if there'd be any way to save it. And I know now that it isn't anything I've really done. I try to talk to him. Try to include him. He's too scared to do so back.

I've gotten too close to his new friend and his old ones. He finds me a threat, hence pushing me away and trying to get rid of me altogether. Yet, I'm too stubborn to leave completely without a final and true say of "hey I don't want to be your friend" because there's other days where he does say I"m like a sister to him and that he misses me......

 

I don't understand what exactly, completely, is going on... and I don't like any of it... it's gotten to the point a while while ago where it stressed me out, and now everything coming back is just... I can't deal... .... and my sister friend is going to try and talk to him this weekend sometime as she too hates to see this happen, and can see how badly this is bothering me. She can see occasionally too where the old brother of mine still is, and how those glimpses are genuine. So that one's still around. But we both know he's doing this as a coping thing...

 

I've known him for 5 years and we've formed a seriously close bond. To have that just shut off without warning worried me. And still does. But even when we're with other people I can see he still realizes that bond's still there. Other people see it too....

 

the situation just keeps getting more and more bleak.

 

I'm not sure how anyone is supposed to support you. You're still dealing with this guy? I don't get it. At all. Well, there is a quote that I feel is perfect because it's just so true. Maybe it'll help you.

 

"Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting what you're getting"

 

You don't like any of it? You have a very odd way of showing that you don't like something. Normally, when I don't like something or someone, I avoid it or them, I don't keep on with it. .

 

Your posts about this same thing, over and over, is painful to me. It's like telling someone over and over again that if they keep putting their hand in the fire they're going to keep getting burned, only to watch them put their hand in, over and over again, completely shocked that they keep getting fried. How many times are people expected to feel bad for you when it's YOU that keeps yourself where you're at with this guy? I'm not sure what you're after here, continuing to post about this same exact thing. Nothing said so far, not one bit of good advice, has helped you GET it yet. Why do you even want responses? It's clear you don't listen to any of it.

 

I honestly feel that what I just said is exactly what you need to hear. You don't need sympathy or support. You've gotten that many times, good common sense advice from many people and it hasn't done a bit of good. You need a wake up call not platitudes. You need to STOP with this guy. Unless you like torture.

 

Oh, and by saying that you're too 'stubborn' to leave until he says he doesn't want to be your friend anymore is like saying you're too stubborn to leave until HE gives you permission, thereby putting ALL control in HIS hands instead of taking control yourself and walking away, which would be the smart thing to do.

 

She can see occasionally too where the old brother of mine still is, and how those glimpses are genuine. So that one's still around. But we both know he's doing this as a coping thing...

 

Guys that beat the crap out of their girlfriends buy them flowers, cook dinner, light candles, buy a trinket, get lovey dovey, tell them all they want to hear, etc, afterward. You know, throw them a bone, show them 'glimpses' of Mr. Nice Guy now and again, to keep them right where they're at. Which part of that guy is his real soul and character? The one beating the crap out of the girl, or the one buying the flowers? Common sense should give you the answer to that. And do the flowers make up for the beatings? Again, common sense gives you the answer. You get what I'm saying, right?

 

This guy has no respect for you. Why can't you see that simple truth when it's right there in front of you?

 

 

 

 

 

**wait for it...wait for it...DELETE!** lol

Edited November 2, 2014 by MedievalMystic

[Cavedragon49990]

I'm sorry, but I need to get this out, because today has been throwing so much terrible things at me that I cannot hold this in without hurting too much.

 

Today started off somewhat okay, but I noticed that I was sort of dissociating a lot, and finding it harder and harder to focus. Eventually I tuned out the teachers, and around lunch, I went to sit alone, because I could not handle being around my friend's immature friends. I cannot tell you how many times I have said " off" to them.

 

I guess I got depressed. I thought I needed to be alone but I think I just made it worse for myself. I refused to speak to people and during my last class when someone was telling us about a college that we would be able to look into, I started quietly crying because I felt I wasn't going to have a future so there was no point to this, and completely lost focus and didn't listen to the stuff about the college. Plus it sucked up our time for an assignment I was unable to work on the day before, so I didn't get anything accomplished in school.

 

Then my after-school club started, and for background info here: the club consists entirely of boys, and I think they caught on that I was trans, but they were nice enough not to say anything. But then this jack*** Riley joined the club recently, and he knew me in 8th grade when I was still having to identify as female. He kept making this really irritating noise that I could not stand and he would NOT stop even after I hit him with a hammer to make him stop, and after that, long story short, he outed me. In front of literally everyone in the club. He had been harassing me about it and was refusing to back off and he kept calling me a girl and refusing to stop making the noise that was bothering me, and I told him so loudly to off and started crying and ran away because I was so angry for him outing me. I'm now scared to go to school tomorrow because it's going to be everywhere, and my school is kind of transphobic. I really cannot deal with my classmates, and my parents are unsupportive - my dad refused to acknowledge that I am a boy when I told him what happened with Riley - and I'm scared to go back to the club now.

 

I got home and I thought I would finally have some peace of mind there, but nope; I get a text from a friend, I'll call her Julia, who asks if I still have a crush on Maddie (my 8th grade best friend). I tell her no, but Julia then asks if I mind if she dates Maddie, because Maddie thinks she's bisexual and they want to date, and I told her to go for it but I was crying so hard and in such a rage because I crushed on Maddie at one point, we were almost in a relationship, but it didn't work out because she wasn't interested, and I cannot deal with my friends doing this, because I do not feel okay with my friends being happy when all I'm getting is a flood of crap, over and over and over, not having anyone being interested in a relationship with me - I thought i had given up at this point on relationships but I guess i stil care, i'm crying so hard right now so my typos will increadse.

 

Okay, I've calmed down a bit. I'm just going to stop here. I'm not even in a spot to be talking to people right now. I'm just going to disappear into my little world, the one of nothingness. Because I hate everything so much right now that I cannot even express how upset and angry I am, just the fact that I needed to get this out.

[purplenewt]

To Cavedragon49990,

 

I feel your pain. I dissociate too sometimes. Though I'm straight, I have gay/lesbian friends whom I care about greatly, and I know in school especially it is hard to be yourself without having other people hate on you, making fun of people who are pulled towards their same gender, and even sometimes use violence and vandalism against them. It is sick and wrong, this prejudism, and I'm sorry you had to experience this with this Riley kid. Do you have family and friends who know your situation and love and respect you still? Even if it's just one? I have found it is extremely helpful to have at least one supporter in my life to bring meaning into my life, someone who knows and accepts me unconditionally, no matter what I have done. It is important you find someone like this, and if you can't, try to get a professional counselor, I'm serious, they are immensely helpful. See if your parents will take you to get help if this bullying doesn't stop. You don't deserve this crap. And know you are NOT the only one who is going through this.

 

As for your friend *Julia*, if she is your real friend she will understand when you tell her how you really feel. It is perfectly normal to be envious of your friend's happiness when you are feeling so miserable, but one tip I might suggest is at least TRY to find a way to be happy for other's fortunes, especially if they are kind to you and want you to be happy too. I don't know if you believe in karma or anything, but I do, and I believe if you do unto others as you would want them do unto you, good things can and will start coming into your life, if at least strengthen your friendship with your pals. Are you friends with any of the guys at your club? I know boys can be really evil to each other, though I'm a girl speaking from experience. But if you think these guys have been pretty nice to you up until this point, I bet they'll continue to be nice to you when you go back the next day. Are you a full blown male now? I mean, do you have all the parts to be one? lol, forgive me, I don't know how to ask it any other way. Personally I think it's cool that we have the tools and technology to switch genders if we feel we were born in the "wrong gender." I can't stress it enough how important it is to find as many supporters through friends, family, and professionals as possible. You are a human being and you deserve to be treated with the same respect as any other human being. You remember that.

 

The internet lab I'm at right now is closing, so I can't talk much longer so I'll end with this: You are not alone. If you want to talk more about it, or about anything really, feel free to PM me. You won't bother me, I promise.

[Princess Kiara]

Hello!

 

My problems seem a bit trivial in light of everyone else's. I'm almost embarrassed to ask :/ but they are driving me crazy! Please forgive me if I overstep myself in posting

 

About a year and a half ago I was on a language learning site taking online Romanian classes. I hit a snag and messaged a bunch of natives for help; only one ever replied, a 27-year-old guy who I'll call Kevin. He was supposed to just help me once, while we Skyped with my parents' permission, but I guess we hit it off, and our chat moved quickly from the language site, to e-mail, to WhatsApp and Facebook. It didn't take very long, only a few months really, until we were chatting on FB literally all day, from about 9AM my time until 4:30PM (when he went to bed; it's 8h later for him). Anyway my dad doesn't like Romanians, and he knows I want to study there, so he began to say all sorts of things about Kevin ("he's an idiot", "it's inappropriate for you to talk to him (despite his having no problem with my male American e-friends of the same age)", "he's ugly", "I'm going to throw him in jail and kick his butt if he talks to you", etc.) Funny thing is, my mom read ALL of our chats (since I never keep secrets from her), and she said he seems like a nice guy and she is OK with us talking.

 

When I first met him, I thought him quite homely. Now, I look at his pictures and I melt hahaha...

 

Anyway, my dad finally said he wouldn't let me talk to Kevin AT ALL or he'd cut off my Internet access. He went to the length of blocking FB on my computer and taking away my phone. So I created a secret FB account and kept talking to him anyway, and then I had to hide it from even my mom because she said she had to listen to my dad even though she thought he was wrong. When his birthday came, I sent him a package--just some typical Mexican candy and a card I spent three days hand painting I told my mom about that, but only after I'd sent it so she wouldn't stop me (My dad still thinks I sent it to a Canadian girl I knew online.) She was disappointed in me and angry for a while, but still she understood.

 

Anyway, five months later, she talked to my dad and FINALLY got me permission to Skype with him. First she said yes, I asked him if he wanted to Skype and he said yes, we had to figure out a time. But then she said no, and I had to tell him that...he was a bit put off (didn't say anything but I could tell from his curt replies) but understood. Then she said yes again, so I asked him and he said he'd already made plans since I'd told him I couldn't. So that was that But finally my dad gave his go-ahead, and just yesterday I asked him if he wanted to Skype. He said his mom was asleep so he couldn't, but we chatted for a while. He said, out of the blue, "Can you watch a video?" and I said yes so he sent me a video of a love song in Romanian and then was like "the lyrics and the clothing are lame and the guy looks gay " I can't figure out why he did that, especially as a couple weeks ago he asked me, "Are you a bilionera?" and when I asked what that meant, he said "I have no idea " and sent me

. And there are other guys who are supposed to be teaching me Romanian but who are plainly interested in me, and he jokes about how I should go with them (one in particular, he is also Romanian but is 4 years younger than Kevin. I'll call him John) because I will break his (John's) heart and how I hate his guts because I don't want to be his girlfriend, etc. etc. And when I told him it annoys me when people try to matchmake me (a stupid pet peeve of mine ever since my classmates found out I've never had a bf and try to get me together with anyone and everyone), he apologized and said he thought the teasing had no chance to be taken seriously because John is in Romania and I'm not, so "there's 0% chance that it would be taken seriously, at least I thought so". But SO IS HE, and he KNOWS I plan to go there next year... and there's nothing now I wouldn't do for him! He has been so caring, kind, funny and eager to help. And he studied the same thing I'm going to study, at the same university I might go to. We have plans to meet in RL when I go to Romania.

 

What do you think? Does he like me? I love him (as I'm sure you've guessed already!), and I know for sure that he's single. But what did he mean by that comment? From the way he talks about John, it's clear to both my mom and me that he's jealous. But jealous how? There's "friend jealousy" and then there's "man jealousy" LOL, so which is it? How can I tell? I was brought up to believe the man should make the first move, and it's clear to me that he pays more attention to me if I ignore him for a while; so I obviously can't ask; I don't wanna scare him away or make him think I'm easy. What do I do? Please help, I'm so confused! :'(

 

We have a strange system for communicating now. He'll poke me on FB, I'll wait a couple minutes and reply to his poke, and we will repeat 5 or 10 times until he gets tired and messages me a variation of "Do you know how to talk, or do you only know how to poke? "

 

Thank you again, I feel better already...maybe I just needed to unload, though I would greatly appreciate any advice

Edited November 7, 2014 by Princess Kiara

[Allons-y~Geronimo]

It's been a while since I've been on this website at all..... but I really think I need this right now.....

 

After dealing with another emotional event a little over a month ago, my parents allowed me to get a cat to help me cope. The cat that I- well, I didn't choose him, but he chose me- He was an orange tabby, just about a year old, and very gently and sweet, though still very playful at times. His name was "Sir Cat", though I quickly changed that to "Axel."

 

Axel has been very helpful at taking my mind off the other emotional stress. He's always nearby, and if I feel like I'm about to cry, he'll jump up next to me, sit on my laptop or book or whatever I have, and nuzzle my hand, and I can't help but smile with him around.

 

Last night, however, he went missing.

 

I don't know how he got out, or where he could be. This is the first time he's gone missing like this, and I'm more of a wreck now than I was even before I got him... I'm doing everything I can to try and find him, but he hasn't turned up at all yet....

[Princess Kiara]

Allons-y~Geronimo, don't lose hope! He may still come back. I hope you get your kitty back; I know how much they get to mean to one...

 

If you ever need to talk, you can PM me anytime Here's hoping Axel comes back soon!

[RecycledHeart]

Hey so um I know I don't really talk on the forums all that much but I was wondering if I could maybe have some advice onto handle this?

 

I really like this guy and we're basically best friends. At one point last year I told him that

I liked him but he ended up leading me on because he was too afraid to say no, because I have a habit of becoming really good friends with people but if they piss me off somehow I'll completely ignore their existence. But I didn't do that with him when he finally told me the truth. We're both friends with this girl and he likes her. Practically loves her. But she doesn't really. She's the type of girl to fall in love fast but get bored of it really quickly. She refuses to make them an official couple even though they're always acting like one kissing and being all lovey dovey. And she "broke up" with him for like a couple of days before she was like, "Oh no, I made a mistake I really miss him." And its just that both me and him know that shes just going to keep doing this, hurting him and breaking his heart. The only reason I haven't been all up in her face telling her to back off, is because I know how much he cares about her. So I've been supportive of their relationship and trying to help them as much as possible. But it kills me to see them together. To see him let her abuse him like this and him to just smile at her. His eyes when he says her name.......its killing me. Because I truly love this boy. For almost two years now. He's even converting from being a muslim to jewish for her. And I don't know what to do anymore.......

[Omega Entity]

It's been a while since I've been on this website at all..... but I really think I need this right now.....

 

After dealing with another emotional event a little over a month ago, my parents allowed me to get a cat to help me cope. The cat that I- well, I didn't choose him, but he chose me- He was an orange tabby, just about a year old, and very gently and sweet, though still very playful at times. His name was "Sir Cat", though I quickly changed that to "Axel."

 

Axel has been very helpful at taking my mind off the other emotional stress. He's always nearby, and if I feel like I'm about to cry, he'll jump up next to me, sit on my laptop or book or whatever I have, and nuzzle my hand, and I can't help but smile with him around.

 

Last night, however, he went missing.

 

I don't know how he got out, or where he could be. This is the first time he's gone missing like this, and I'm more of a wreck now than I was even before I got him... I'm doing everything I can to try and find him, but he hasn't turned up at all yet....

Where abouts do you live? There's a group called For the Love of Louie that I -think- has pages for different areas in the US. Maybe you might try posting a pic of him there, or on another site for lost pets?

[MedievalMystic]

Kiara, my advice is to put the brakes on.

 

I love him

 

You don't know enough about this guy, never having met him in RL, to actually love him because you don't know his soul. You just think you do by what you're getting off the net, which may or may not be real.

 

and there's nothing now I wouldn't do for him!

 

Well, that's worrisome. Again, slow down.

 

 

Allons, cats sometimes disappear for a couple days. If he hasn't come back in a few days, call around to shelters. He might have been picked up if he got out.

 

 

The only reason I haven't been all up in her face telling her to back off, is because I know how much he cares about her.

 

It's not your place to get in her face and tell her squat. I don't care how much she beats the crap out of him emotionally. It's not your place to 'help' them. You have no business in their relationship whatsoever. If he's content being played for a fool over and over again, that's his problem. It's up to HIM to tell her to piss off and handle the situation, or to suck it up and deal with it. There's nothing you can do, or should do. It's not your business, it's theirs alone.

 

You should, imo, take a giant step backward and disassociate yourself from this as much as possible. There's nothing you can do and three's a crowd.

Edited November 8, 2014 by MedievalMystic

[Shienvien]

You don't know enough about this guy, never having met him in RL, to actually love him because you don't know his soul. You just think you do by what you're getting off the net, which may or may not be real.

Whether it is on net or "RL" actually makes no difference whatsoever. There are equal amount of "nice" people who have been met face to face, only for them to turn out to be hmm, people of not exactly politely expressible nature.

 

And sometimes it *is* necessary to meddle if people get themselves into unhealthy situations. If they [your friends, that is - the other side is not wont to] don't listen to you, either, then, well, *then* there is nothing much you can do.

[MedievalMystic]

Whether it is on net or "RL" actually makes no difference whatsoever. There are equal amount of "nice" people who have been met face to face, only for them to turn out to be hmm, people of not exactly politely expressible nature.

 

Yes. And it's even easier to play a role and fool someone on the net. Caution, imo, is warranted, especially with people you meet on the net.

 

The only time it's ok to 'meddle' in someone's relationship is if they ASK for your advice or help. If they don't ask, imo, it's best to keep your mouth shut.

[edwardelricfreak]

Kiara: I would strongly recommend you take a friend/family member/someone with you when you go to meet this guy irl. Maybe even tell him to bring a friend, too, just so it doesn't seem as awkward or something. Tell others when and where you're going to meet him and any other information to help find you, just in case it does turn out he's not trustworthy and something happens.

 

I agree with MM about putting on the breaks. It's fine if you like him, imo, but don't be hasty. Get to know him irl for at least a few months before trying to go for a romantic relationship or anything else. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're too young, please wait until you're legal age before going down that route! If you're old enough, just ignore that part. c:

 

---

 

Allons: I really wouldn't wait. imo, better safe that sorry; sure your cat might have wandered off and will return shortly, but I think it's a hell of a lot better to get some help finding him rather than waiting.

 

---

 

RecycledHeart: As much as you care for this guy, I agree with MM. Leave them alone. Maybe even try to get past him. He's too busy chasing a butterfly of a girl. I really think, as hard as it is, it would be better for you to move on. You can try to make suggestions to them (like suggest to him that he may be better moving on as well since that relationship is just running in circles), but don't bother trying to help or fix their relationship in any way. I seriously doubt they'll last anyway.

[MedievalMystic]

Kiara: I would strongly recommend you take a friend/family member/someone with you when you go to meet this guy irl. Maybe even tell him to bring a friend, too, just so it doesn't seem as awkward or something. Tell others when and where you're going to meet him and any other information to help find you, just in case it does turn out he's not trustworthy and something happens.

 

Best advice ever.