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@AngesRadieux If I were you, I wouldn't do it. If she's been treating you like garbage for so long, don't bother wasting your time and money on her as I'm pretty sure nothing is going to change. Best of luck to you, though.

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16 hours ago, AngesRadieux said:

My sister asked me to be her maid of honor. I don't even want to go to the wedding, never mind invest my time, energy, and money actively supporting it.

<snipped for brevity>

I've thought about saying that I'll do it, but only if she promises me that she'll treat me differently in the future and make an effort to fix our relationship. But I know that promise wouldn't mean anything. Either she'd get defensive and yell at me for being horrible, or she'd say yes, but then continue to act exactly the same as she has since she met him. I just don't think there's any way this could possibly end without me spending the next year being absolutely sick and miserable over it.

 

If you do not want to be her maid of honor, then do not. But when telling her no, do not in any way blame her (or him) for the decision or she may hold it against you.

 

Perhaps explain that you do not feel you can support her in that role the way she would want or need for her big day. From your circumstances, you can cite lack of finances and too much anxiety in your life already to take on something more. If she sees your explanation as you feeling inadequate rather than a judgement about her life choices, she is more likely to accept your decision and/or work on your relationship with her.

 

Keep in mind the wedding (and preparations for it) are all about the married couple; as maid of honor (or bridesmaid), you would be serving their needs/wants for it. If you cannot keep it about them because you are in need yourself (a legitimate position), then it is a disservice to take on the role - both to them and to you.

 

You have been through a very lot in the past year. I wish you the best in sorting through things as you work forward.

Edited by Awdz Bodkins

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I'm feeling so depressed this week. I suffered a bad back injury in the spring, and so I filed a workman's comp claim through L&I. My employer responded by firing me. Also, L&I keeps denying the treatment my doctor recommends, so I'm just stuck in limbo. Fast forward to today, L&I denied a procedure literally four hours before it was scheduled to take place. I'm so frustrated.

 

Besides that, I am awfully tired of being so limited in mobility. I can sit and walk but I can't stand for long periods. I have tickets to a concert in October, and the venue's website says I can exchange my regular ticket for ADA seating, but I'm confused. It won't let me purchase an ADA ticket, and I'm unsure if I can just show up in a wheelchair to the venue or if they wouldn't let me in. The venue is not responding to my emails asking for clarification, and I'm terrified I'm just going to run into things like "well if you can't walk, you shouldn't come" which is crap. I'm not paralyzed or anything, just limited.

 

And I'm tired of being cooped inside all summer because this city is not set up for people with any kind of handicap. Not to mention being frustrated with my slow-healing body in general. I'm only mid-thirties but it feels like I'm sixty-something already because my body is healing at a snail's pace. I'm still unable to work, but when I do feel better L&I has told me they can get me a job as an office assistant. The problem is, that job position makes about $1200/month less than my old position as a project manager.

 

Sorry to interrupt everyone else, I just needed to vent a bit.

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@Twimm hey there. Your boss sounds like a massive arse - and I can't imagine doing what he did to be lawful, although I get that it might be too taxing on your finances and your energy to go against that. (although I did hear of pro Bono lawyers or those that take a percentage of the settlement - but then again, I'm neither a lawyer nor American, so what do I know. If you need pointers, I'd go to the subreddit r/legaladvice)

 

This sounds awful and I'm sorry people are throwing so many hindrances in your way. Hugs if you want them. 

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8 hours ago, Valura said:

@Twimm hey there. Your boss sounds like a massive arse - and I can't imagine doing what he did to be lawful, although I get that it might be too taxing on your finances and your energy to go against that. (although I did hear of pro Bono lawyers or those that take a percentage of the settlement - but then again, I'm neither a lawyer nor American, so what do I know. If you need pointers, I'd go to the subreddit r/legaladvice)

 

This sounds awful and I'm sorry people are throwing so many hindrances in your way. Hugs if you want them. 

 

Thanks, Valura.

 

Yeah, I don't think my employer acted lawfully, but since all of our energy has been focused on getting L&I to act appropriately, we just don't have the energy to consider legal action against my employer also. I don't want that job back, anyway. I feel that the HR department's response to me as well their communication with L&I since, even if legal has been retaliatory and I don't want to work in that kind of environment. I have a friend who still works for that company, and she's planning to quit soon, too, because she can't take the hostile environment which sadly is coming from the top down.

 

As for the other situations I posted about, things have improved somewhat. I've been trying to practice meditation and such to keep myself calm. If I can learn to manage how I approach this challenge and not be so angry about it all the time, hopefully I'll start feeling better! I have generalized anxiety disorder, and I was beginning to recover, but this injury and the firing caused a sort of relapse. *deep breathing* *stay calm* *think of kittens and delicious tea*

 

Anyway, I didn't mean to hijack the thread! Thanks for the support 😅

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Relapsing sucks. I struggle with depression and I had a hard crash due to stress - similar to you.

 

Meditation is great! 

 

You're very welcome. ❤️

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Can't find a job. Loneliness threatening to consume soul. No money. No friends. In love with someone very hard to read and who's acting distant. I'm still somewhat happy, but mostly... meh.

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I'm not doing well. Like, at all. Anxiety and depression are both so high and especially with the anxiety it seems to come on so fast. Example: My mom has been moving furniture around in her room lately, which scares the crap out of me because of her bad legs and back (this is something we've talked about multiple times). I literally *begged* her to tell me before she moves anything heavy, so I can help or at least be aware in case something goes wrong... Of course, she doesn't tell me anything. I see her moving a chair this morning and get majorly anxious, trying once again to tell her to *tell me*, end up crying hysterically for 15+ minutes. 

 

This is my third week not working and I'm not even on a medical leave right now, I just can't make myself go. Every time I try, do my morning routine, etc, and then just completely panic and call my boss crying. (Actually she's not even my boss, I haven't been able to get up the nerve to call my actual boss ever since I called him for the first time and he insisted he didn't know who I was.) My mom still gets upset and mad when I call in repeatedly because she's convinced I'm going to lose my job, which of course doesn't help when it comes to trying to calm down. For the record, when I called in yesterday I was told to not worry and just focus on getting better, everyone there understands and everything is fine with my job. 

 

I saw my psych doctor Tuesday and multiple medication changes happened, but of course it's too early to see any real improvement and it could take weeks. I really hate that in-between, I've been through it so many times before, just waiting for the medication to make any sort of noticeable difference, and in the meantime life is just so... Hard.

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I'm back in college now, and I'm a junior and I am really conflicted about my major, but it's too late to switch. Anything I switch to will take me at least 3-4 years now, as a music major I have to do a lot of performances and stuff and my anxiety has gotten so much worse. I take medication for depression and anxiety, it's been increased again and my anxiety is to the point that my doctor prescribed me xanax at only 20 years old. I have a long distance boyfriend and it's killing him that he can't be here to help me, and it's straining our relationship a lot. I feel like everything is currently falling apart around me and I don't know what to do.

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Well today woke up to find my parakeet sick so stayed with him he snuggled an did not want me to leave he was breathing hard. He would sort of walk fast if i moved my hand like do not move want to snuggle then around three he passed on.Was very hard cleaning the cage an his stuff thinking how he played an chirped to songs he liked.😭

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I'm not known here, so maybe that will make this easier.

 

I was previously in an almost-year-long relationship with someone who I thought was the one. It sounds cliche even to me; it was doomed to fail. Starting out he was perfect, of course. He started showing signs of abuse/narcissism. He would make hurtful jokes and tell me to be less sensitive, call me names as a "joke" and expect me to be fine with it, and accuse me of not caring for him. It was exhausting trying to jump through hoops while also walking on eggshells for him. As with traditional abuse, I slowly saw things from his point of view more and more and I'm still not sure if I really am to blame for all of this. We separated several times (for a day, if that) then one of us would break and come back. Usually it was me; then I started getting fed up with how he treated me. He wouldn't seem to care at all for my feelings. I read somewhere that narcissists are completely disconnected from emotions. Something that sticks out in my mind is my wifi messing up during a call (as it usually does) and him continuously telling me (raising his voice) to speak louder, he can't hear me, I should know that he can't hear me so why am I being soft and unclear on purpose? It drove me to near tears. As I was walking back to my room he grumbled that I better not cry, all my crying is is a guilt trip to make him feel bad. I guess it's hard to explain the full extent of it here. I would suggest things once and he would continuously ask for them -- recordings of whole chats with a friend that he thought I was cheating on him with. In the end he had gotten 3 chats out of me. There were a few weeks where he monitored my app screen time through the battery function. He would want to be in a voice call with me while I was in class or at work; as a result I couldn't focus on my studies and had to rely on him to learn the material, as he was good at learning straight from lecture notes and teaching.

 

A few days ago I think I completely snapped. I started treating him like he treated me, and I still feel terrible about it. Snapping at him, getting frustrated and angry very easily, etc. His words would drive me to such anger, I would be shaking. I cut him off. Blocked him on our main communication app, and blocked his number. He texted my iPad through whatever apple-id/face time mechanism is on there. I blocked him there too. I believe he messaged me on discord, so I blocked him there. The next day, I got an email from gmail saying someone had tried to log in to my email. It told me the location, and yep, it was him. We were always very free with info; he knew all three of the passwords I rotated between (they've all been changed) and I knew his logins to quite a few things as well. Around that time he emailed me as well, asking for a call because he "wanted to hear my voice." I tried to say no but he was persistent and I was missing him badly, so I said yes. We agreed that tomorrow (at the time) we would have a last call and maybe watch a movie that he wanted me to see. I don't quite remember what happened, apparently I have bad memory loss from a few traumatic incidents back in middle school/beginning of high school, but we never did call and he sent me a last email that he'd buzz off now because it was what I wanted, as if he thought I didn't want that from the very beginning! I never knew there was a block function on gmail until then.

 

He's tried to contact me on forums once before. I have no doubt that eventually he'll read this and have his own things to say, so if anyone knows how to block people on forums please tell me how! I know from experience that I'm not the strongest when it comes to him, but I know I have to be strong and focus on the things that matter now in my life. Nights are the worst for me, but sleeping with the lights on and talking to myself (lol!) seem to help.

 

I'm sorry for putting this huge chunk of text in the middle of everything, and I hope I haven't said anything too bad. Is there a way to collapse all the text so it's not so..obnoxious?

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@Anneith If he messages you, don't open them. Don't read anything he says. You might want to ask a moderator for more info on how to block people, but that's the best advice I can give you. Don't give him the time of day, guys like that never change; they just change tactics to lure you back in and start the abuse all over again. Best of luck to you, friend. :)

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Last night we received the news that my grandma is in the hospital after having a stroke. I'm really worried about her and I'm having trouble holding it together or thinking straight now. I was already feeling really overwhelmed with my courses, since next week is midterms and this week I have to do a lot of important assignments and studying, and I know I have to write an essay today but I just don't feel up to the task. 

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