Emotional Support

[StormWizard212]

9 hours ago, The Dragoness said:

This will probably sound silly, but I'm terrified about returning a call about a job I applied for. My social anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be, but phone calls to anyone other than my SO or family always make me shake and pace. My mind goes blank and I just don't know what to say or do. I really need this job. 

 

I hate being such a worrier.

 

I've definitely written and rehearsed scripts before for conversations that have made me nervous. It's also worth brainstorming a list of questions that you think the other person might ask, so you can prepare answers. That will take off some of the pressure of thinking on your feet! 

 

Also, in my experience, the longer you put these things off, the bigger you build them in the head and the more overwhelming they end up becoming. That might not be your experience, but just something for consideration. I hope it goes well when you make the call! Good luck!  

[DocMumma13]

Hey there this is Old Doc,

 

 I am suffering through my latest round of Chemo treatments and I am not bouncing back like I did before my surgery.  My muscles ache, as does my stomach and intestines.  It gets so hard sometimes for me to even see the screen.  I missed out on grabbing some of those new eggs because I just couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough and to stop the cramping in my hands. I am starting to loose my will to keep fighting and so I come to you and ask that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers and send me a word of encouragement.  I am tired so I might not see or reply to everyone or anyone really, but I will see them or have my beloved read them to me. 

 

Thank you all! 

 

Old Doc

[HeatherMarie]

3 hours ago, DocMumma13 said:

Hey there this is Old Doc,

 

 I am suffering through my latest round of Chemo treatments and I am not bouncing back like I did before my surgery.  My muscles ache, as does my stomach and intestines.  It gets so hard sometimes for me to even see the screen.  I missed out on grabbing some of those new eggs because I just couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough and to stop the cramping in my hands. I am starting to loose my will to keep fighting and so I come to you and ask that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers and send me a word of encouragement.  I am tired so I might not see or reply to everyone or anyone really, but I will see them or have my beloved read them to me. 

 

Thank you all! 

 

Old Doc

 

Oh goodness I'm so sorry. I know things like 'hang in there' really doesn't help in these situations, but I hope things get better for you soon. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

[hazeh]

20 hours ago, DocMumma13 said:

Hey there this is Old Doc,

 

 I am suffering through my latest round of Chemo treatments and I am not bouncing back like I did before my surgery.  My muscles ache, as does my stomach and intestines.  It gets so hard sometimes for me to even see the screen.  I missed out on grabbing some of those new eggs because I just couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough and to stop the cramping in my hands. I am starting to loose my will to keep fighting and so I come to you and ask that you keep me in your thoughts and prayers and send me a word of encouragement.  I am tired so I might not see or reply to everyone or anyone really, but I will see them or have my beloved read them to me. 

 

Thank you all! 

 

Old Doc

Hang in there, Doc. I can't imagine how difficult and exhausting it must be to go through that, but you're a fighter! I know you can do it. Get some rest whenever you can. Keep us updated on how you're doing. And keep fighting! You're gonna come out of this stronger than ever. ♥

[Thuban]

Having a complete meltdown over something incredibly stupid my son did, and dont have enough information to really figure out the appropriate punishment. I'm really worried that this is going to cause us an insane amount of issues...

 

Him and another boy were being stupid teens at school, tossing each others backpacks out of reach. He tossed a kids bag over a chair, and when it hit the floor, it shattered the screen of a "samsung tablet". Principal called me to tell me he had broken a tablet, but that they arent taking official statements until after break (april 2). She told me that we will be expected to replace the kids tablet after the statement is taken. Now: On one hand, yes, he absolutely should be responsible for paying for the cost of REPAIRING it, but not an all out replacement. Second: She couldnt tell me what kind of tablet (theres a BIG difference between an older refurbished one, and a brand new one still being paid for on a payment plan), wouldnt tell me if it was simply a cracked screen or straight up destroyed. If the kids family didnt bother insuring it, its going to cost a lot more.

How the heck do I punish him when I dont even know how bad the damage actually is? I have no way to contact the parents to get more information, and I don't really ever have to punish my kids. I'm leaning towards not punishing until I know exactly what we are dealing with... hes guilt tripping himself pretty badly, and both of us are dealing with some pretty severe anxiety over it. If the school is handling this.. and I can't pay.. does he get expelled? Why is this even a school issue? The kids parents should be the ones I'm dealing with, not a 3 minute phone call from some person at the school... we're giving this kid a week to come up with a story that puts every bit of the blame on my son (while yes, he did throw the bag, and it was discovered that the screen was cracked.. how can we be sure that it wasnt cracked before the throw?)

I mean.. kids are going to do stupid things.. its what they are designed to do. But right now im freaking out because I dont have enough information to figure out how to deal with this properly. Mom says to wait. Wait until we know exactly what we are dealing with, before deciding the punishment... but at the same time, I really need the information so I can plan ahead for budgeting. Every bit of savings I have was meant to go toward the divorce, and moving out asap. Now, I feel like i might end up trapped here for another month at the bare minimum

Edited March 29, 2018 by Thuban

[Moonlight_Eevee]

33 minutes ago, Thuban said:

Having a complete meltdown over something incredibly stupid my son did, and dont have enough information to really figure out the appropriate punishment. I'm really worried that this is going to cause us an insane amount of issues...

 

Him and another boy were being stupid teens at school, tossing each others backpacks out of reach. He tossed a kids bag over a chair, and when it hit the floor, it shattered the screen of a "samsung tablet". Principal called me to tell me he had broken a tablet, but that they arent taking official statements until after break (april 2). She told me that we will be expected to replace the kids tablet after the statement is taken. Now: On one hand, yes, he absolutely should be responsible for paying for the cost of REPAIRING it, but not an all out replacement. Second: She couldnt tell me what kind of tablet (theres a BIG difference between an older refurbished one, and a brand new one still being paid for on a payment plan), wouldnt tell me if it was simply a cracked screen or straight up destroyed. If the kids family didnt bother insuring it, its going to cost a lot more.

How the heck do I punish him when I dont even know how bad the damage actually is? I have no way to contact the parents to get more information, and I don't really ever have to punish my kids. I'm leaning towards not punishing until I know exactly what we are dealing with... hes guilt tripping himself pretty badly, and both of us are dealing with some pretty severe anxiety over it. If the school is handling this.. and I can't pay.. does he get expelled? Why is this even a school issue? The kids parents should be the ones I'm dealing with, not a 3 minute phone call from some person at the school... we're giving this kid a week to come up with a story that puts every bit of the blame on my son (while yes, he did throw the bag, and it was discovered that the screen was cracked.. how can we be sure that it wasnt cracked before the throw?)

I mean.. kids are going to do stupid things.. its what they are designed to do. But right now im freaking out because I dont have enough information to figure out how to deal with this properly. Mom says to wait. Wait until we know exactly what we are dealing with, before deciding the punishment... but at the same time, I really need the information so I can plan ahead for budgeting. Every bit of savings I have was meant to go toward the divorce, and moving out asap. Now, I feel like i might end up trapped here for another month at the bare minimum

Those would be the questions I'd be asking both the principal and the kids parents when the time arises, unless that kid is the principals kid. If they won't give you any information about the tablet after that, refuse to pay for it because you don't know which tablet you need to pay for. In all honesty, if the kid is the principal's kid, it sounds like they're going to try to swindle you to get a new version of a tablet.

 

On the other hand, you're saying that your son needs to help repair it: stand firm in that belief, don't let them try to swindle you into buying a brand new one. I hope the situation comes out alright and you can still move and not have to wait another month.

[Thuban]

29 minutes ago, Dalek Raptor said:

Those would be the questions I'd be asking both the principal and the kids parents when the time arises, unless that kid is the principals kid. If they won't give you any information about the tablet after that, refuse to pay for it because you don't know which tablet you need to pay for. In all honesty, if the kid is the principal's kid, it sounds like they're going to try to swindle you to get a new version of a tablet.

 

On the other hand, you're saying that your son needs to help repair it: stand firm in that belief, don't let them try to swindle you into buying a brand new one. I hope the situation comes out alright and you can still move and not have to wait another month.

Im holding off on issuing a punishment until I know the cost of the damages. He knows hes in trouble, but I explained that until I know exactly what im dealing with, hes not going to be grounded or anything else. I hate not being able to handle this right now, but I dont want to put him through being grounded and having to work off the money until I know how much the damage actually costs. In this house, we issue whatever punishments fit the incident as quickly as possible... but we cant do that. For now, while hes not entirely off the hook, hes not exactly grounded,has extra chores to do (and will be picking up one of my smaller side jobs for a few days that he is able to handle). I feel bad that I have to leave him in anxiety mode (what ifs are hard on him) but there really isnt anything I can specifically do right now. At the very least he will be working off $50 towards whatever happens ahead of time.

[hazeh]

1 hour ago, Thuban said:

Having a complete meltdown over something incredibly stupid my son did, and dont have enough information to really figure out the appropriate punishment. I'm really worried that this is going to cause us an insane amount of issues...

 

Him and another boy were being stupid teens at school, tossing each others backpacks out of reach. He tossed a kids bag over a chair, and when it hit the floor, it shattered the screen of a "samsung tablet". Principal called me to tell me he had broken a tablet, but that they arent taking official statements until after break (april 2). She told me that we will be expected to replace the kids tablet after the statement is taken. Now: On one hand, yes, he absolutely should be responsible for paying for the cost of REPAIRING it, but not an all out replacement. Second: She couldnt tell me what kind of tablet (theres a BIG difference between an older refurbished one, and a brand new one still being paid for on a payment plan), wouldnt tell me if it was simply a cracked screen or straight up destroyed. If the kids family didnt bother insuring it, its going to cost a lot more.

How the heck do I punish him when I dont even know how bad the damage actually is? I have no way to contact the parents to get more information, and I don't really ever have to punish my kids. I'm leaning towards not punishing until I know exactly what we are dealing with... hes guilt tripping himself pretty badly, and both of us are dealing with some pretty severe anxiety over it. If the school is handling this.. and I can't pay.. does he get expelled? Why is this even a school issue? The kids parents should be the ones I'm dealing with, not a 3 minute phone call from some person at the school... we're giving this kid a week to come up with a story that puts every bit of the blame on my son (while yes, he did throw the bag, and it was discovered that the screen was cracked.. how can we be sure that it wasnt cracked before the throw?)

I mean.. kids are going to do stupid things.. its what they are designed to do. But right now im freaking out because I dont have enough information to figure out how to deal with this properly. Mom says to wait. Wait until we know exactly what we are dealing with, before deciding the punishment... but at the same time, I really need the information so I can plan ahead for budgeting. Every bit of savings I have was meant to go toward the divorce, and moving out asap. Now, I feel like i might end up trapped here for another month at the bare minimum

That's rough. I can definitely understand your frustration. And I agree; definitely don't agree to pay anything unless they can give you a concrete number for damage repairs. If it's not broken to a point of being useless, it can be repaired, and I don't think you would need to purchase a new one. If anything, a replacement of the same make/model and a used product, if they don't allow you to fix the current one. They don't need a brand new tablet or one of a different kind just because of some horsing around. I also think it is strange that the principal is acting as a mediator between you and the other kid's parents. If the principal insists on staying involved, I think it would be wise to let them know that there is a financial issue involved with this and that detailed information about costs for the EXACT product is necessary for you to initiate any sort of compensation. 

How old is your son? Can he take up some extra chores around the neighborhood like dogwalking/sitting, washing cars, or mowing people's lawns to get some extra cash to pay it off? 

[Ruby Eyes]

If they can't even show you the damaged item, it doesn't exist.

[Draconiusultamius]

6 hours ago, Thuban said:

Having a complete meltdown over something incredibly stupid my son did, and dont have enough information to really figure out the appropriate punishment. I'm really worried that this is going to cause us an insane amount of issues...

 

Him and another boy were being stupid teens at school, tossing each others backpacks out of reach. He tossed a kids bag over a chair, and when it hit the floor, it shattered the screen of a "samsung tablet". Principal called me to tell me he had broken a tablet, but that they arent taking official statements until after break (april 2). She told me that we will be expected to replace the kids tablet after the statement is taken. Now: On one hand, yes, he absolutely should be responsible for paying for the cost of REPAIRING it, but not an all out replacement. Second: She couldnt tell me what kind of tablet (theres a BIG difference between an older refurbished one, and a brand new one still being paid for on a payment plan), wouldnt tell me if it was simply a cracked screen or straight up destroyed. If the kids family didnt bother insuring it, its going to cost a lot more.

How the heck do I punish him when I dont even know how bad the damage actually is? I have no way to contact the parents to get more information, and I don't really ever have to punish my kids. I'm leaning towards not punishing until I know exactly what we are dealing with... hes guilt tripping himself pretty badly, and both of us are dealing with some pretty severe anxiety over it. If the school is handling this.. and I can't pay.. does he get expelled? Why is this even a school issue? The kids parents should be the ones I'm dealing with, not a 3 minute phone call from some person at the school... we're giving this kid a week to come up with a story that puts every bit of the blame on my son (while yes, he did throw the bag, and it was discovered that the screen was cracked.. how can we be sure that it wasnt cracked before the throw?)

I mean.. kids are going to do stupid things.. its what they are designed to do. But right now im freaking out because I dont have enough information to figure out how to deal with this properly. Mom says to wait. Wait until we know exactly what we are dealing with, before deciding the punishment... but at the same time, I really need the information so I can plan ahead for budgeting. Every bit of savings I have was meant to go toward the divorce, and moving out asap. Now, I feel like i might end up trapped here for another month at the bare minimum

Have you asked the school official to try and arrange a meeting with the other family?  Or giving the school permission to give them your number?    Honestly,  dealing with an institution is pretty frustrating sometimes.  

Also, I've seen people with broken tablet screens that still work, so if it was just the glass, it should be very replaceable.

[HeatherMarie]

@Thuban That story is just raising red flags everywhere. They are saying you have to pay for what your son broke but can't even tell you *what* it actually is, what brand, if it's new or old, how bad the damage is... I have a feeling the parents probably complained heavily to the principal and the principal is simply bending over backwards trying to please them instead of actually, yunno, investigating what happened and getting accurate details. It's also very suspicious that they won't take official statements until after break, the time to get accurate statements and evidence is *right away*, not in a few weeks when lies can be fleshed out and evidence can be tampered with. Honestly I'd say at the moment you have no obligation to pay for *anything*, and will continue to have no obligation until the matter is handled appropriately.

[StormWizard212]

@Thuban when you next speak to the principal, it might be worth telling them that you are happy to cooperate and seek a suitable resolution to the issue (including any payment that's might be in order) but that you require this process to be completed through appropriate channels before any payment is made. This should include:

• Providing a suitable reason for your son's sole accountability for the damage (Why was the other child participating in throwing around bags if they knew there was a device in theirs? Was their device in an appropriate protective sleeve? If not, why? If the other child threw your son's bag themselves, then they have actively participated in this incident and have neglected their own responsibility to the safety of their belongings and your son's. If your son instigated this incident without any participation from the other child, which it does not sound like, then yes your son would be responsible. As it stands, it sounds like both participated, in which case you would be well within your right to refuse payment as the other child was being irresponsible. If you suspect this will cause too many problems, you could offer to pay for half the damages as a sign of good will to acknowledge the fact that your son was involved in acting irresponsibly himself.) 
• Providing written statement from the other student's classroom teachers about whether the tablet had any existing damage (if it did, the teachers should have noticed - I could easily provide a list of my students whose devices are cracked/damaged and the extent of that damage)
• Providing a copy of the school's ICT/device policy (you might be able to access this through the school's website and it is worth reading to see what the school's stance is - for example, the high school I attended repaired damaged devices with no additional costs since we paid a fee at the beginning of each year for the school to take responsibility for facilitating repairs, but the school that I teach at requires parents to make arrangements and payments for repairs themselves. If the other child was acting irresponsibly in a way that breaches this policy, then you can cite that as evidence of their accountability for their own property.)
• Completing an incident report that provides specific details about the advice and incident, including statements from teachers who witnessed the incident (there should have been other teachers present, teaching or on yard duty, and I question why they didn't intervene in this incident - if there were teachers present and they let this behaviour continue, knowing that many students carry devices in their bags, then the teacher hasn't upheld their responsibilities and the school should be liable)
• Nominating a specific store to examine the item and give a cost for repair if payment is deemed necessary (either an official shop like the Apple store or a generic repair shop in town)

From what you've said, it sounds to me like your son isn't actually solely responsible for the damage of this tablet. If a kid was bullying another kid, grabbed their bag and threw it without provocation, then yes, they would be responsible. But if your child and another were both willingly participating in this behaviour, then it is not your responsibility. That other child has acted irresponsibly and has not looked after their own property. 

 

I think the best way forward is to request a face-to-face meeting with the principal and explain that you would like to see all of the aforementioned points documented for discussion. Have a face-to-face meeting with just the principal first to get this straight, and then you can request one with the parents afterwards. Don't accept a meeting with the principal and parents before you've had one privately with the principal. It sounds like they're jumping the gun and placing blame immediately on you because it's easy, but you definitely need to be assertive and request more information before you agree to pay for anything. Know your rights before you speak to them. This might mean accessing school policies and documentation through their website or the region. For example, you expressed concern about whether your son could be expelled if you refuse to pay - I work at a government school in my area and there are very clearly documented procedures that must be taken to expel a student and this would very simply not be possible in your situation. So do some research and find out exactly what your rights are and what the policy says. They'll take you a lot more seriously if you're able to point to their own policies and ask about why they haven't followed them or why someone has failed in their role to prevent this from occurring. 

 

If you have any specific questions or want any advice from someone who works in a school and deals with these issues every day, I'm a coordinator at a high school and deal with issues between parents and administration quite often. Feel free to message me if you want any help with this and I might be able to give further advice. Good luck and I hope everything works out in the end! 

[Thuban]

This happened near the end of the day, I got the call 5 minutes before the boy got home. Im guessing they didnt do reports right away because the boys needed to get on their busses, and the adult figures wanted to get home for break.

The information I have right now is that:
Both boys were throwing bags, but my boy admitted to being the only one that threw *THAT* bag.

I found out what was going on 30 minutes after school had let out, 5 minutes before he got home.

I was told it was a "Samsung tablet" but not which one. The phone call was rushed, I didn't get to ask questions really beyond "was the other boy throwing bags too?"

I only have my sons side of the story (he openly admitted he tossed that bag over a chair, and that it hit the floor, but he didnt hear anything breaking, and was unaware there was a tablet in there)

They will do a full report when they return from spring break. April 2.

______________________________________________________________

 

I've shoved this on the back burner of things I can worry about right now. My moms brother died suddenly, and shes having an all out psychotic breakdown over a bunch of things that were said, but refuses to go seek professional help. Since she knows I have mental health issues and that I have been doing the counseling thing off and on for years, she thinks I am the best person to lean on... Between what I have happening at home, her and her issues, and several other people who refuse to take "I am not a professional and do NOT want to be the one you lean on for this" seriously, I'm tanking. I'll be ok, I always am, but right now, im too overwhelmed and shutting down on multiple fronts. Running away for the weekend to go camping and recenter. 

[HeatherMarie]

Oh goodness @Thuban I'm so sorry. Sending lots of vibes for your family through this hard time. 

(I've never understood how some people can think that leaning on others over such serious issues is the best solution, especially when the other person has mental health issues of their own... I mean, blind leading the blind, there. I've had that happen too and I just don't get it.)

[georgexu94]

@Thuban  Sorry for the loss. Sending lots a hugs!

Edited March 31, 2018 by georgexu94

[StormWizard212]

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're going through so much at the moment @Thuban. It's always difficult supporting others through grief, especially when you're grieving yourself. I hope there are some people in your life you can get support from and hopefully those who need support are able to get it through appropriate channels. Try not to think about the tablet issue for the next few days, then. You've got so much on your plate already and there's nothing you can do about it currently. When the school does an actual report, just shout if you need any advice or anything. Hope you're holding up alright! <3 

Edited March 31, 2018 by StormWizard212

[hazeh]

I'm sorry Thuban. Much love, I hope you and your family can find some peace during this difficult time. ♥

 

 

Personally, I'm teetering on the edge of panic mode. I have a new job that I am sorely unprepared for, simply because my girlfriend's father owns the business and we ended up moving back down to her hometown in order to have this work opportunity. The only thing that's better is that it pays more, but I don't have construction experience at all. I worked at a vet clinic and then at Gamestop... so I'm feeling a little (a lot) out of my league with this. But despite that I'm technically making more, we're somehow still completely strapped for money and I've run into a situation where I have to pay so many bills at once. Car registration, smog check in order to re-register the car, car repair because of course it had to start making some weird ass sounds, filing for taxes, and now suddenly my rat is sick. And I'm kicking myself repeatedly because I had a feeling he was getting sick, and I didn't realize the severity of it until last night. It's completely my fault for not quarantining the baby rat long enough, and I'm 95% sure that's why he's sick. The other two are a little sniffly/sneezy, but they're still completely energetic and bright-eyed, whereas my oldest boy is lethargic, snotty, and crusty-eyed. And I can't get him in to see the vet until tomorrow afternoon because they didn't have any openings today and the emergency vet doesn't see rats. UGH. So on top of my emotional self ass-kicking for his situation, that's another bill I have to pay-- and who knows how much that'll turn out to be? He might need xrays. Or if he's too far gone, euthanasia. 

I'm not with my friends and family. I just have my girlfriend and her family in this new place where I don't know anyone else. I feel very, very alone and cornered. My girlfriend makes more than I do so she pays more of the bills than I do, but she's also worried about money and when she freaks out about it to me, it stresses me out even more. So today I've kinda just been getting by with a perpetual feeling of adrenaline-fueled anxiety and helplessness. I'm also probably hormonal so that's...not helping

[georgexu94]

@hazeh

I don't have any experience of your situation. Thus, I can't advise you.

For the job part, it is best to be humble and admit it to your manager/master. Ask for some advice, maybe training. S/he will surely understand and help you obtain the right skills fit for the job.

 

Just know everything will be alright.

May it all turn out well for you!

[Draconiusultamius]

@hazeh

Good luck on your new job!  As georgexu said, I think telling your manager about your inexperience will probably help.  If I may ask, what will your job duties be?  Depending on what you're doing, you probably will need some sort of training.  I'm really sorry about your rat and I really hope he gets better.  I remember buying two baby turtles on a whim a few years ago and having to watch them die since I couldn't provide them with adequate care.  Technically, it wasn't my fault since I was 15, didn't know much about proper care, had a mom who refused to take them to the vet since 'they were just turtles' and who prevented me from even trying to give them the care they deserved.  I still wonder if they might have survived if I had tried harder, or maybe if I hadn't purchased them.  To me, it sounds like you're doing everything you can for your pet rat already; sometimes, there's nothing you can do but hope.

[StormWizard212]

Good luck with the new job @hazeh! New jobs are always stressful, no matter what, but it sounds like yours is going to involve a bit of a learning curve, too, which is understandably even more stressful. I hope your rat is okay! Let us know how things go after your vet appointment. Pet stuff in itself is stressful enough, because they're such special creatures to us, and having everything else on top of that just sounds so challenging. Just try to keep in mind that these things are temporary. You'll meet new people in the new place, you'll learn the new skills at your job, and finances will get easier when more money starts to roll in and you get settled. Just stick it out until it gets better and give support to/seek support from your partner when needed. <3 Good luck and give your rat a big cuddle! 

[hazeh]

My rat died in my arms tonight

[Moonlight_Eevee]

1 minute ago, hazeh said:

My rat died in my arms tonight

I am so sorry for your loss! Losing a pet can be very difficult! 😢 I still miss my cat that went missing a few years back. He was very dear to me

[Draconiusultamius]

5 hours ago, hazeh said:

My rat died in my arms tonight

Sorry for your loss.  😭

You did all you could, especially considering your current situation.

Edited April 3, 2018 by Draconiusultamius

[HeatherMarie]

Oh goodness I'm so sorry @hazeh. Losing a pet is always so difficult. How are the other rats doing? I've never owned a rat but I know animals can sometimes be just as affected by a housemate's death as humans. 

[StormWizard212]

21 hours ago, hazeh said:

My rat died in my arms tonight

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, Hazeh. Pets are so incredibly important and can become a true part of your family. I hope you're doing alright. <3