Posted July 12, 2014 I saw the Fault in our stars tonight. It was good but sad. Why does my face burn?! Share this post Link to post
Posted July 12, 2014 I apologize in advance for posting this. I just need to get this off my chest. I'm a fifteen-year-old Sophomore in High School. I'm in a set of triplets and am being raised by a single mom. My dad lives an hour and a half away but isn't really involved in my life. I try to get involved, sometimes getting myself sick in the process. This is only the tip of the iceberg. One of my sisters has Autism. She is about 270 lbs and acts like a three year old. Thing is, she's smarter than me. I know it, and I have an IQ of about 137. She's usually pretty sweet and childish in public, but it's a nightmare at home. She's attacked us, screaming and flailing around like a fat baby. It's usually over chores or something stupid. It can get both violent and destructive, and she usually threatens to kill herself. And recently, these tantrums have started to induce panic-attacks. I usually leave the house and try to breathe. It can take hours for me to breathe right again. We've tried everything to try to make these behaviors stop. Therapy. Programs. We even took her to the hospital. She was institutionalized for a few days, but ultimately released because the staff couldn't handle her. So now we have to deal with her. Today, both my Autistic sister and my other sister were fighting with our mom. It lead to the point where my mother had a nervous breakdown. In tears, she screamed across the entire house about how she was done with us all. She then took my Autistic sister's phone and shattered the screen. Now that she's finally calmed down, I've locked myself in my room to avoid everything. This overwhelming feeling of helplessness is getting to be too much for me. My mother has admitted we aren't making enough money and we'll most likely get kicked out of our house if it keeps going like this. I don't know what to do. My anxiety has really been affecting me recently and all I can do is run and hide. My sister can't be fixed and she's going to ruin our lives. She's a fat, selfish pig of a human being and is hellbent on getting her way. I've already decided she doesn't love any of us. My mom refuses to lock her away in an institution, but none of us can handle her. I just...I just need somebody to help me out so I don't feel so alone. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 12, 2014 I saw the Fault in our stars tonight. It was good but sad. Why does my face burn?! That is a very good movie, yes! Do you have allergies, or anything like that? Maybe ask your parents about it. I apologize in advance for posting this. I just need to get this off my chest. I'm a fifteen-year-old Sophomore in High School. I'm in a set of triplets and am being raised by a single mom. My dad lives an hour and a half away but isn't really involved in my life. I try to get involved, sometimes getting myself sick in the process. This is only the tip of the iceberg. One of my sisters has Autism. She is about 270 lbs and acts like a three year old. Thing is, she's smarter than me. I know it, and I have an IQ of about 137. She's usually pretty sweet and childish in public, but it's a nightmare at home. She's attacked us, screaming and flailing around like a fat baby. It's usually over chores or something stupid. It can get both violent and destructive, and she usually threatens to kill herself. And recently, these tantrums have started to induce panic-attacks. I usually leave the house and try to breathe. It can take hours for me to breathe right again. We've tried everything to try to make these behaviors stop. Therapy. Programs. We even took her to the hospital. She was institutionalized for a few days, but ultimately released because the staff couldn't handle her. So now we have to deal with her. Today, both my Autistic sister and my other sister were fighting with our mom. It lead to the point where my mother had a nervous breakdown. In tears, she screamed across the entire house about how she was done with us all. She then took my Autistic sister's phone and shattered the screen. Now that she's finally calmed down, I've locked myself in my room to avoid everything. This overwhelming feeling of helplessness is getting to be too much for me. My mother has admitted we aren't making enough money and we'll most likely get kicked out of our house if it keeps going like this. I don't know what to do. My anxiety has really been affecting me recently and all I can do is run and hide. My sister can't be fixed and she's going to ruin our lives. She's a fat, selfish pig of a human being and is hellbent on getting her way. I've already decided she doesn't love any of us. My mom refuses to lock her away in an institution, but none of us can handle her. I just...I just need somebody to help me out so I don't feel so alone. Don't apologise, bae, we're all here to listen. <3 //hugs// I'm really sorry about your sister and your family. //lots of hugs// Could you ask your dad to help? He should take some responsibility on the whole matter. Does he pay child support? Please don't feel that way. <3 You're already doing plenty just being able to be around your sister, and anxiety is difficult to overcome. Just breathe in, breathe out, you'll be okay. <3 Could you try talking to your mom about having her institutionalized? She may see it as wrong, but the thing is none of you have the ability to deal with her and get money. Your mother's and your mental state matter as well; sometimes you need to take care of yourself before taking care of others. //hugs// I'm so sorry it's come to this, bae. I really wish you the best <3 I hope everything goes well! //sends you good luck vibes// Share this post Link to post
Posted July 12, 2014 (edited) I'm a fifteen-year-old Sophomore in High School. I'm in a set of triplets and am being raised by a single mom. My dad lives an hour and a half away but isn't really involved in my life. I try to get involved, sometimes getting myself sick in the process. This is only the tip of the iceberg. One of my sisters has Autism. She is about 270 lbs and acts like a three year old. Thing is, she's smarter than me. I know it, and I have an IQ of about 137. She's usually pretty sweet and childish in public, but it's a nightmare at home. She's attacked us, screaming and flailing around like a fat baby. It's usually over chores or something stupid. It can get both violent and destructive, and she usually threatens to kill herself. And recently, these tantrums have started to induce panic-attacks. I usually leave the house and try to breathe. It can take hours for me to breathe right again. We've tried everything to try to make these behaviors stop. Therapy. Programs. We even took her to the hospital. She was institutionalized for a few days, but ultimately released because the staff couldn't handle her. So now we have to deal with her. Today, both my Autistic sister and my other sister were fighting with our mom. It lead to the point where my mother had a nervous breakdown. In tears, she screamed across the entire house about how she was done with us all. She then took my Autistic sister's phone and shattered the screen. Now that she's finally calmed down, I've locked myself in my room to avoid everything. This overwhelming feeling of helplessness is getting to be too much for me. My mother has admitted we aren't making enough money and we'll most likely get kicked out of our house if it keeps going like this. I don't know what to do. My anxiety has really been affecting me recently and all I can do is run and hide. My sister can't be fixed and she's going to ruin our lives. She's a fat, selfish pig of a human being and is hellbent on getting her way. I've already decided she doesn't love any of us. My mom refuses to lock her away in an institution, but none of us can handle her. I just...I just need somebody to help me out so I don't feel so alon http://www.autismaction.org/resource-cente...and-caregivers/ Give that resource link to your mom and have her read through it. There is help to be had out there for your sister and your whole family. Your mom can call 911 on your sister if she becomes violent and have her removed from the house. If anyone ever threatens suicide, whoever hears it can call 911 and they WILL be picked up for a psychiatric evaluation. Even you can call. Your mom needs a whole lot more help than she's getting. She's clearly in over her head. Not to mention that this kind of constant chaos isn't fair to you and your other sibling. The staff at hospitals and institutions can handle anybody. If someone gets out of control or violent, they drug them. Your mom needs support and needs to talk to a team of pros. Things cannot go on this way much longer. Also, your mom can get help with bills and food through the gov't. Does your dad pay child support? If so, great. If not, advise your mom to call a lawyer...she can get a pro bono(free) lawyer through the state... and the department of social services to get help with funds. Best of luck. Edited July 12, 2014 by MedievalMystic Share this post Link to post
Posted July 13, 2014 So, lately, I've been a mess since I can't bring myself to write or draw anything. I have horrible self confidence issues; anything and everything I attempt ends up deleted or in the trash. However, I decided recently that I want to chase my dreams. I want to draw comics, I want to write books, and make gifts for my friends. Which is I've made up the decision to attempt to either write or draw something everyday, as well as cut down my gaming time since that's seriously taking it's toll. I guess...I'm honestly just looking for encouragement, especially in the drawing category. I've never been confident in myself at all, but I'm sick and done of wallowing in self pity unable to do anything because depression or anxiety blocks it somehow. This is going to be hard, and I'm just so nervous my newfound confidence is going to simply falter away when I actually attempt this challenge everyday. It's a huge step for me and I honestly don't want to end up even more upset because of it. It's just...really hard to actually make myself continue on when everything's screaming at me to stop since whatever I'm doing is completely awful. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 13, 2014 (edited) So, lately, I've been a mess since I can't bring myself to write or draw anything. I have horrible self confidence issues; anything and everything I attempt ends up deleted or in the trash. However, I decided recently that I want to chase my dreams. I want to draw comics, I want to write books, and make gifts for my friends. Which is I've made up the decision to attempt to either write or draw something everyday, as well as cut down my gaming time since that's seriously taking it's toll. I guess...I'm honestly just looking for encouragement, especially in the drawing category. I've never been confident in myself at all, but I'm sick and done of wallowing in self pity unable to do anything because depression or anxiety blocks it somehow. This is going to be hard, and I'm just so nervous my newfound confidence is going to simply falter away when I actually attempt this challenge everyday. It's a huge step for me and I honestly don't want to end up even more upset because of it. It's just...really hard to actually make myself continue on when everything's screaming at me to stop since whatever I'm doing is completely awful. Lady L, we're all our own worst critics. Are you taking any art classes? Have you spoken to other artists or teachers, ones you admire and respect, and asked their opinions about your work? If so, what do they have to say? If not, it's a good place to start. Those people can help you get stronger and give you some seriously good advice and tips. I think it's awesome that you're willing to fight for your dreams and take the bull by the horns. That right there is worthy of admiration, Lady L and the first step of many in the right direction. Major kudos for that. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, worth having ever comes easy. The more you work at what you love, the better you'll get. That squirmy feeling in your spirit, telling you to just give it up, you're not good enough, blah, blah, is a lie you've been listening to far too long. Don't listen to the lie. You're done with it. Refuse to let that dark little voice win. Grit your teeth, tell yourself that you WILL keep on, you WILL follow your dreams and your heart, and PISS on that negative voice trying to drag you down into the dark. The more you do THAT, the easier it gets to ignore those kind of feelings until one day you wake up and wonder why you ever doubted yourself at all. You will get stronger, even if you have to claw and scrape uphill at first. But once you reach that summit, the feeling of accomplishment is priceless. And you will reach that summit. Sometimes, you just have to work for it. Find the right people that can grab your hand and help you up that road and give you the right kind of support for what you're wanting to do. That's the first step. And cut yourself some slack. There isn't an artist alive or that's ever lived that was perfect and didn't doubt themselves at one point or another, or were always completely satisfied with their work. The goal is to keep learning and getting better and better with time. Best of luck! Edited July 13, 2014 by MedievalMystic Share this post Link to post
Posted July 13, 2014 So, lately, I've been a mess since I can't bring myself to write or draw anything. I have horrible self confidence issues; anything and everything I attempt ends up deleted or in the trash. However, I decided recently that I want to chase my dreams. I want to draw comics, I want to write books, and make gifts for my friends. Which is I've made up the decision to attempt to either write or draw something everyday, as well as cut down my gaming time since that's seriously taking it's toll. I guess...I'm honestly just looking for encouragement, especially in the drawing category. I've never been confident in myself at all, but I'm sick and done of wallowing in self pity unable to do anything because depression or anxiety blocks it somehow. This is going to be hard, and I'm just so nervous my newfound confidence is going to simply falter away when I actually attempt this challenge everyday. It's a huge step for me and I honestly don't want to end up even more upset because of it. It's just...really hard to actually make myself continue on when everything's screaming at me to stop since whatever I'm doing is completely awful. I can related to this. I used to have no confidence with my drawing or writing skills. Actually, I still doubt my writing skills... But moving on. MedievalMystic has good suggestions- Try talking to artists and teachers you admire and respect. Go to an art class. Focus on the voice telling you to keep going. It's always there. It may be small, but as soon as you find it, don't let it go. The things you're deleting or throwing out? Look for what you can improve, instead. And don't look with doubting eyes. There will always be flaws, but there will also always be something you consider 'perfect'. Just saying you want to try to chase your dreams is a big step, and it shows you have to courage to. You have great goals. I want to be an author, and I know I felt the same way you did when I was writing my first book. I'm not going to lie. I felt like it was horrible. But lots of people said it was good. So I began to see it the way they did. My drawings, I fuss over. But if people request them, they say they like it. I have never had anyone say they didn't. I don't think I've ever had to change anything. I'm still paranoid, but when they say they like it, it makes me feel great. Even if they said something needed to be changed, it means the rest of it is perfect. If you focus on that fact, you'll become more confident. Actually, if you believe you will become more confident, and if you believe in yourself, and your work... It's hard, but try. I'm sure your work is beautiful. Lots of us believe in you, Lady L. I believe in you. I'm pretty sure MedievalMystic believes in you. And I know others do, too. That voice that tells you to stop? Nothing that voice is telling you is true. I know that you're great. Don't believe that voice- You're better then it says you are. Don't let it shatter your light. Never think that you're bad at it. You'll destroy yourself. Good luck, Lady L! I may not be good with advice, but I hope this helped! Share this post Link to post
Posted July 13, 2014 I'm going to see my aunt who has cancer today. Good luck I hope she's doing well, but remember that there is no point pressuring yourself into seeing her if you know it's going to have a bad effect on you long term. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 13, 2014 I'm back. I didn't stay as long as I thought I would. In fact I didn't even get to see my Aunt because she already had enough company when we were going so I stayed at my Nana's house with my sister and mom and my dad and Nana went to see her. So I dont know if I will ever see her again. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 Ahh thank you guys for everything! This is amazing and reading everything really helps ♥ gets rly emotional Lady L, we're all our own worst critics. Are you taking any art classes? Have you spoken to other artists or teachers, ones you admire and respect, and asked their opinions about your work? If so, what do they have to say? If not, it's a good place to start. Those people can help you get stronger and give you some seriously good advice and tips. I think it's awesome that you're willing to fight for your dreams and take the bull by the horns. That right there is worthy of admiration, Lady L and the first step of many in the right direction. Major kudos for that. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, worth having ever comes easy. The more you work at what you love, the better you'll get. That squirmy feeling in your spirit, telling you to just give it up, you're not good enough, blah, blah, is a lie you've been listening to far too long. Don't listen to the lie. You're done with it. Refuse to let that dark little voice win. Grit your teeth, tell yourself that you WILL keep on, you WILL follow your dreams and your heart, and PISS on that negative voice trying to drag you down into the dark. The more you do THAT, the easier it gets to ignore those kind of feelings until one day you wake up and wonder why you ever doubted yourself at all. You will get stronger, even if you have to claw and scrape uphill at first. But once you reach that summit, the feeling of accomplishment is priceless. And you will reach that summit. Sometimes, you just have to work for it. Find the right people that can grab your hand and help you up that road and give you the right kind of support for what you're wanting to do. That's the first step. And cut yourself some slack. There isn't an artist alive or that's ever lived that was perfect and didn't doubt themselves at one point or another, or were always completely satisfied with their work. The goal is to keep learning and getting better and better with time. Best of luck! Thank you for the reply! ♥ That's certainly true; everyone is harsh on themselves. Nope, though I am looking into it Unfortunately my mom doesn't have time to send me to classes and there's nothing nearby, so I'm hoping that once we move and things calm down I can attend a few. For now, I'm just reading things online! Yes indeed! I have a lot of friends who are very good artists--this includes my best friend, who is helping me a lot with everything she does! ♥ Thank you for the suggestion; I'll definitely ask around and try to get tips on how to improve! Ahh cries thank you! ♥ Yeah I guess I just felt it was about time to get up and start making the change that I want to happen, instead of just lying around waiting for it. ^^ Your words are truly inspirational; I agree! Don't listen to every bad thing that plagues you; I really aim to just be able to wake up one day and be like "oh hey I wanna draw this and that and that" and just casually do it with nothing to fear. I'm gonna hike up this mountain no matter how long it takes, and one day just sit on top of it and enjoy! Thank you for your words ♥ If I ever feel out of sorts or sad again, I'm going to come back here and reread everything Every artist has started from the bottom up, regardless of age or circumstance. And now I'm going to try my best! ♥ I can related to this. I used to have no confidence with my drawing or writing skills. Actually, I still doubt my writing skills... But moving on. MedievalMystic has good suggestions- Try talking to artists and teachers you admire and respect. Go to an art class. Focus on the voice telling you to keep going. It's always there. It may be small, but as soon as you find it, don't let it go. The things you're deleting or throwing out? Look for what you can improve, instead. And don't look with doubting eyes. There will always be flaws, but there will also always be something you consider 'perfect'. Just saying you want to try to chase your dreams is a big step, and it shows you have to courage to. You have great goals. I want to be an author, and I know I felt the same way you did when I was writing my first book. I'm not going to lie. I felt like it was horrible. But lots of people said it was good. So I began to see it the way they did. My drawings, I fuss over. But if people request them, they say they like it. I have never had anyone say they didn't. I don't think I've ever had to change anything. I'm still paranoid, but when they say they like it, it makes me feel great. Even if they said something needed to be changed, it means the rest of it is perfect. If you focus on that fact, you'll become more confident. Actually, if you believe you will become more confident, and if you believe in yourself, and your work... It's hard, but try. I'm sure your work is beautiful. Lots of us believe in you, Lady L. I believe in you. I'm pretty sure MedievalMystic believes in you. And I know others do, too. That voice that tells you to stop? Nothing that voice is telling you is true. I know that you're great. Don't believe that voice- You're better then it says you are. Don't let it shatter your light. Never think that you're bad at it. You'll destroy yourself. Good luck, Lady L! I may not be good with advice, but I hope this helped! Thank you for the reply! ♥ //hugs// It's hard, isn't it? Just keep encouraging yourself and getting others to help, as well I find that it really does help sometimes! I'm sure your writing skills are okay; just keep honing them! I will! ^^ Thank you so much. That's true. It may be vain to admit, but I do have some pieces I really like. ^^ I'm going to aspire to make more art/stories that I can be proud of! That sounds wonderful! ♥ Encouragement from others really does help. Ahh thank you so much! ♥ I take requests as well and I understand the feeling when someone compliments it and you're just like 'yes I did good very good'. Thank you for your words, though! I Know people don't mean it this way but sometimes when they want something to be changed, I get paranoid. I'm going to start thinking about that differently, thank you! ♥ Yes, I'm going to try to be more confidence and believe in myself. ♥ That really does wonders! ^^ Ahhh thank you so much! ♥ This makes me feel so flattered I'm cry--Like I said above, I'm going to come back and read these if I ever feel bad about my works again. Ahhh thank you! ♥ I agree, you can be your own worst enemy. I won't give up, thank you! Your advice was wonderful, dear. ♥ It really did help, lots of thanks! I'm feeling really confident about myself now--gonna do some drawing Thank you, both of you! ♥ I'm back. I didn't stay as long as I thought I would. In fact I didn't even get to see my Aunt because she already had enough company when we were going so I stayed at my Nana's house with my sister and mom and my dad and Nana went to see her. So I dont know if I will ever see her again. //hugs// Aw, bae, I'm sorry. I'm sure your Aunt loves you lots! ♥ Wishing you the best. //hugs// I hope she's okay! ♥ Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 I hate my dad. He's such a ****ing idiot! We're less than a month away from losing our house and it's all HIS FAULT! He lied to mom about paying the morgage which he's two months behind. we owe $1200 and have to pay them that by the 13th of next month or we're out on the street! Dad lied to mom and said he paid the morgage this month. He did not. She checked his stupid checkbook and found out he took out $400 for the ****ing casino! HE'S FRICKING GAMBLING ALL THAT MONEY?! Why does he go there? It's not like ever wins or we wouldn't even be in this mess! I used to think my father was a smart, honest, well-respected man, but over the past two years he's changed. He gets angry at mom for buying food at the store when the price reaches a certain amount. Oh, I'm sorry. We do need to eat. We can't exactly chomp down on bells and whistles. What are we suppose to do when we lose the house? Where are we gonna go? Dad doesn't care about us anymore. We have pets, I don't want to lose them because of his BS screw ups. And you can't talk to him about anything. If you start saying one thing he doesn't like he fricking erupts like a damn volcano. I really wish I was exaggerating, but i'm not. If you try to point out what he's doing wrong he oh so happily points out my mistakes or mom's mistakes. News flash. Everyone makes them! The difference is, It's not my fault. He always ALWAYS compares me to my older sister. He constantly tells me to get a job. I tell him they tell me to fill out an application online. He tells me that's bull**** and that it's not true. WTF! Why the hell would I lie about that? Why? Why wouldn't I want to help out and make money? He always thinks I use the computer just for games. Does he not realize that the internet is for everything and that pretty much everything relies on the internet these days? I'd love to go to school or work online, but again he thinks its bull****. I have looked around town. No one was hiring. Places that were required a college degree. I do not have one because I can't afford it because I don't have a job because I don't have a college degree. You see the endless circle there? That's the merry-go-round of hell Dad's put me in. I would talk to my sister, but there are two good reasons why I don't. A. she somehow always manages to turn the conversation about herself and talks about her problems. and B. when she does talk to me, its more of a lecture that makes me feel guilty about something that's not my fault when I did nothing wrong. She LOVES to play mind games and it pisses me off. My mom needs to have a surgery done to fix an issue she has, but we can't afford it. She can't work because of said issue. Neither one of us know how to get any kind of financial aid because I'm not that computer savy and she's less savy then I am. When we've tried to confront him about it before he always blames the pets first. Talking about their vet bills like we're drowning in them. No. We're not. The reason why it's still a $200 is because he hasn't paid it in over 6 months. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my dad because he won't listen and only scream and yell and throw things around. I'm 25 years old but he makes me feel like I'm 12 and It tears me apart to see my mom so heart-broken. I can't do anything to help the situation and I have no where to go. I refuse to live with my sister. I tried that once and it didn't work out at all. I felt out of place and that I really didn't belong. How can you live in a place and call it home when you don't even get any privacy? I have a month to figure something out, but regardless my parents are going to explode into another fight. I'm just so lost right now I don't know what to do. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 (edited) ughhh I feel horrible Edited July 14, 2014 by Spottedleaf Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 (edited) I hate my dad. He's such a ****ing idiot! We're less than a month away from losing our house and it's all HIS FAULT! He lied to mom about paying the morgage which he's two months behind. we owe $1200 and have to pay them that by the 13th of next month or we're out on the street! Dad lied to mom and said he paid the morgage this month. He did not. She checked his stupid checkbook and found out he took out $400 for the ****ing casino! HE'S FRICKING GAMBLING ALL THAT MONEY?! Why does he go there? It's not like ever wins or we wouldn't even be in this mess! I used to think my father was a smart, honest, well-respected man, but over the past two years he's changed. He gets angry at mom for buying food at the store when the price reaches a certain amount. Oh, I'm sorry. We do need to eat. We can't exactly chomp down on bells and whistles. What are we suppose to do when we lose the house? Where are we gonna go? Dad doesn't care about us anymore. We have pets, I don't want to lose them because of his BS screw ups. And you can't talk to him about anything. If you start saying one thing he doesn't like he fricking erupts like a damn volcano. I really wish I was exaggerating, but i'm not. If you try to point out what he's doing wrong he oh so happily points out my mistakes or mom's mistakes. News flash. Everyone makes them! The difference is, It's not my fault. He always ALWAYS compares me to my older sister. He constantly tells me to get a job. I tell him they tell me to fill out an application online. He tells me that's bull**** and that it's not true. WTF! Why the hell would I lie about that? Why? Why wouldn't I want to help out and make money? He always thinks I use the computer just for games. Does he not realize that the internet is for everything and that pretty much everything relies on the internet these days? I'd love to go to school or work online, but again he thinks its bull****. I have looked around town. No one was hiring. Places that were required a college degree. I do not have one because I can't afford it because I don't have a job because I don't have a college degree. You see the endless circle there? That's the merry-go-round of hell Dad's put me in. I would talk to my sister, but there are two good reasons why I don't. A. she somehow always manages to turn the conversation about herself and talks about her problems. and B. when she does talk to me, its more of a lecture that makes me feel guilty about something that's not my fault when I did nothing wrong. She LOVES to play mind games and it pisses me off. My mom needs to have a surgery done to fix an issue she has, but we can't afford it. She can't work because of said issue. Neither one of us know how to get any kind of financial aid because I'm not that computer savy and she's less savy then I am. When we've tried to confront him about it before he always blames the pets first. Talking about their vet bills like we're drowning in them. No. We're not. The reason why it's still a $200 is because he hasn't paid it in over 6 months. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my dad because he won't listen and only scream and yell and throw things around. I'm 25 years old but he makes me feel like I'm 12 and It tears me apart to see my mom so heart-broken. I can't do anything to help the situation and I have no where to go. I refuse to live with my sister. I tried that once and it didn't work out at all. I felt out of place and that I really didn't belong. How can you live in a place and call it home when you don't even get any privacy? I have a month to figure something out, but regardless my parents are going to explode into another fight. I'm just so lost right now I don't know what to do. Wow, just....WOW! That is terrible, Syrien. Honestly goes to show that not everyone who ought to be a responsible adult is. GAMBLING when there are bills to be paid, really? I hope that you and your mom are able to get all of that sorted out. And as far as finding work, I totally feel you there. AND I might point out that even a college degree is no gaurentee of being able to find a job, sadly enough... though it is certainly better to have one than not. *Gives hugs and stuff to Sy.* Edited July 14, 2014 by Silverswift Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 Wow, just....WOW! That is terrible, Syrien. Honestly goes to show that not everyone who ought to be a responsible adult is. GAMBLING when there are bills to be paid, really? I hope that you and your mom are able to get all of that sorted out. And as far as finding work, I totally feel you there. AND I might point out that even a college degree is no gaurentee of being able to find a job, sadly enough... though it is certainly better to have one than not. *Gives hugs and stuff to Sy.* I know. what's worse is how fast he changed. I'm not saying he didn't have a good reason that explains his sudden downfall. He lost two brothers in one week and then his mother a month later. That is devastating and I agree he needed an outlet, but the casino is not the right one. He doesn't care about his health. He doesn't care about anything anymore. I never had a solid strong relationship with him because growing up, he was the one who did all the yelling and disapline and the nice moments were few and far in between. He only played the good dad role to my older 'half' sister because her mother neglected her as a kid. I'm not saying she didn't deserve to have Dad do things for her and whatever, but I'm his daughter to. Now I don't even know him anymore. Mom called him the other night and asked what time he had gotten off work (because he works out of town and only comes home on the weekends) he said around three. Mom looked at the casino receipt and it showed he was there at 3:09. that means he went straight from work to the casino. and that's another great point. It helps big time but even that's not guaranteed. Thank you Swift, I just wish I knew what to do in order to help. I don't even have a paypal account to try and sell some stuff online to help pay anything. Because selling things at a yard sale won't give you the price you want for your things. I have good quality stuff that could sell for $20, but I'll get maybe $5 for it if that. You know, sometimes I think it's a miracle that I don't smoke, drink or do any drugs and yet I'm still sane. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 (edited) I know. what's worse is how fast he changed. I'm not saying he didn't have a good reason that explains his sudden downfall. He lost two brothers in one week and then his mother a month later. That is devastating and I agree he needed an outlet, but the casino is not the right one. He doesn't care about his health. He doesn't care about anything anymore. I never had a solid strong relationship with him because growing up, he was the one who did all the yelling and disapline and the nice moments were few and far in between. He only played the good dad role to my older 'half' sister because her mother neglected her as a kid. I'm not saying she didn't deserve to have Dad do things for her and whatever, but I'm his daughter to. Now I don't even know him anymore. Yeah... losing that many family members in such a short time WOULD be pretty devastating to anyone, but as you say there still needs to be a better outlet. I know what you mean when you say the worst part is seeing a problem and having NO power to fix it. *hugs* Edited July 14, 2014 by Silverswift Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 Yeah... losing that many family members in such a short time WOULD be pretty devastating to anyone, but as you say there still needs to be a better outlet. I know what you mean when you say the worst part is seeing a problem and having NO power to fix it. *hugs* Thank you. *hugs back* The worst part is, that I know I have the common sense to see the problem and I know what needs to be done to fix it, and just as you said, I don't have the power to do anything. What makes it harder is that everyone comes to me to talk about it, even if Dad lies to my face that he pays the bills first, he still talks to me about things. Yes, this is good, but at the same time I can't actually tell him what the problem is without making him explode on me or mom. How do peacekeepers and negotiators do it? Hell that's one job I'd be great at and I'm not even getting paid. Still, I can only skate on thin ice for so long before it start to crack. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 (edited) I hate my dad. He's such a ****ing idiot! We're less than a month away from losing our house and it's all HIS FAULT! He lied to mom about paying the morgage which he's two months behind. we owe $1200 and have to pay them that by the 13th of next month or we're out on the street! Dad lied to mom and said he paid the morgage this month. He did not. She checked his stupid checkbook and found out he took out $400 for the ****ing casino! HE'S FRICKING GAMBLING ALL THAT MONEY?! Why does he go there? It's not like ever wins or we wouldn't even be in this mess! I used to think my father was a smart, honest, well-respected man, but over the past two years he's changed. He gets angry at mom for buying food at the store when the price reaches a certain amount. Oh, I'm sorry. We do need to eat. We can't exactly chomp down on bells and whistles. What are we suppose to do when we lose the house? Where are we gonna go? Dad doesn't care about us anymore. We have pets, I don't want to lose them because of his BS screw ups. And you can't talk to him about anything. If you start saying one thing he doesn't like he fricking erupts like a damn volcano. I really wish I was exaggerating, but i'm not. If you try to point out what he's doing wrong he oh so happily points out my mistakes or mom's mistakes. News flash. Everyone makes them! The difference is, It's not my fault. He always ALWAYS compares me to my older sister. He constantly tells me to get a job. I tell him they tell me to fill out an application online. He tells me that's bull**** and that it's not true. WTF! Why the hell would I lie about that? Why? Why wouldn't I want to help out and make money? He always thinks I use the computer just for games. Does he not realize that the internet is for everything and that pretty much everything relies on the internet these days? I'd love to go to school or work online, but again he thinks its bull****. I have looked around town. No one was hiring. Places that were required a college degree. I do not have one because I can't afford it because I don't have a job because I don't have a college degree. You see the endless circle there? That's the merry-go-round of hell Dad's put me in. I would talk to my sister, but there are two good reasons why I don't. A. she somehow always manages to turn the conversation about herself and talks about her problems. and B. when she does talk to me, its more of a lecture that makes me feel guilty about something that's not my fault when I did nothing wrong. She LOVES to play mind games and it pisses me off. My mom needs to have a surgery done to fix an issue she has, but we can't afford it. She can't work because of said issue. Neither one of us know how to get any kind of financial aid because I'm not that computer savy and she's less savy then I am. When we've tried to confront him about it before he always blames the pets first. Talking about their vet bills like we're drowning in them. No. We're not. The reason why it's still a $200 is because he hasn't paid it in over 6 months. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my dad because he won't listen and only scream and yell and throw things around. I'm 25 years old but he makes me feel like I'm 12 and It tears me apart to see my mom so heart-broken. I can't do anything to help the situation and I have no where to go. I refuse to live with my sister. I tried that once and it didn't work out at all. I felt out of place and that I really didn't belong. How can you live in a place and call it home when you don't even get any privacy? I have a month to figure something out, but regardless my parents are going to explode into another fight. I'm just so lost right now I don't know what to do. Sounds like your dad has an addiction. He might not see it himself so he reacts with anger when people point it out. He might need professional help. ughhh I feel horrible How come? Edited July 14, 2014 by CatCreature Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 Sounds like your dad has an addiction. He might not see it himself so he reacts with anger when people point it out. He might need professional help. How come? That's what my sister, my mother and myself have all agreed on, and I think my sister had tried telling him once or twice, but he denies it. I know, typical reaction from someone who clearly is. But, he refuses to get the help, even though I've found an excellent helpline that's open 24/7. He's not the most talkative person unless he has a point to make or he's angry. The man is so stubborn and pig-headed. I'll try to talk my mom into trying to see what else we can do to get him to actually seek some help, because he definitely needs it. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 Cabbage worms - I am really getting fed up with cabbage worms. The are eating my crucifers and quite frankly I am getting fed up of it. I came back after 3 days out of town and my one brussel sprout plant was chewed up. At least I struck upon the brilliant idea of taking them home as fresh food for my bull frog. However, the things are finicky eaters. They don't want to eat the cabbage leaves I gave them but want to eat the Brussels sprouts they grew up on... And I can't spare those right now. I also found carrot worms on my carrots - those are swallow tail butterfly larvae I feel real bad I disposed of the ones I found, the next ones I probably will take home and see if I can feed them something else because I want to watch them metamorphose. I just want my crops to grow nice... home grown food will help my dollar - I just hope to the pit I do not find tomato horn worms..... No advice needed. I am hand picking the thigns off so my frog can eat them. I just needed to vent Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 Cabbage worms - I am really getting fed up with cabbage worms. The are eating my crucifers and quite frankly I am getting fed up of it. I came back after 3 days out of town and my one brussel sprout plant was chewed up. At least I struck upon the brilliant idea of taking them home as fresh food for my bull frog. However, the things are finicky eaters. They don't want to eat the cabbage leaves I gave them but want to eat the Brussels sprouts they grew up on... And I can't spare those right now. I also found carrot worms on my carrots - those are swallow tail butterfly larvae I feel real bad I disposed of the ones I found, the next ones I probably will take home and see if I can feed them something else because I want to watch them metamorphose. I just want my crops to grow nice... home grown food will help my dollar - I just hope to the pit I do not find tomato horn worms..... No advice needed. I am hand picking the thigns off so my frog can eat them. I just needed to vent Bugs in the vegetables are OBNOXIOUS. The one year we got striped cucumber beetles in our cucumber plants... no homemade dill pickles that year. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 14, 2014 I hate my dad. He's such a ****ing idiot! We're less than a month away from losing our house and it's all HIS FAULT! He lied to mom about paying the morgage which he's two months behind. we owe $1200 and have to pay them that by the 13th of next month or we're out on the street! Dad lied to mom and said he paid the morgage this month. He did not. She checked his stupid checkbook and found out he took out $400 for the ****ing casino! HE'S FRICKING GAMBLING ALL THAT MONEY?! Why does he go there? It's not like ever wins or we wouldn't even be in this mess! I used to think my father was a smart, honest, well-respected man, but over the past two years he's changed. He gets angry at mom for buying food at the store when the price reaches a certain amount. Oh, I'm sorry. We do need to eat. We can't exactly chomp down on bells and whistles. What are we suppose to do when we lose the house? Where are we gonna go? Dad doesn't care about us anymore. We have pets, I don't want to lose them because of his BS screw ups. And you can't talk to him about anything. If you start saying one thing he doesn't like he fricking erupts like a damn volcano. I really wish I was exaggerating, but i'm not. If you try to point out what he's doing wrong he oh so happily points out my mistakes or mom's mistakes. News flash. Everyone makes them! The difference is, It's not my fault. He always ALWAYS compares me to my older sister. He constantly tells me to get a job. I tell him they tell me to fill out an application online. He tells me that's bull**** and that it's not true. WTF! Why the hell would I lie about that? Why? Why wouldn't I want to help out and make money? He always thinks I use the computer just for games. Does he not realize that the internet is for everything and that pretty much everything relies on the internet these days? I'd love to go to school or work online, but again he thinks its bull****. I have looked around town. No one was hiring. Places that were required a college degree. I do not have one because I can't afford it because I don't have a job because I don't have a college degree. You see the endless circle there? That's the merry-go-round of hell Dad's put me in. I would talk to my sister, but there are two good reasons why I don't. A. she somehow always manages to turn the conversation about herself and talks about her problems. and B. when she does talk to me, its more of a lecture that makes me feel guilty about something that's not my fault when I did nothing wrong. She LOVES to play mind games and it pisses me off. My mom needs to have a surgery done to fix an issue she has, but we can't afford it. She can't work because of said issue. Neither one of us know how to get any kind of financial aid because I'm not that computer savy and she's less savy then I am. When we've tried to confront him about it before he always blames the pets first. Talking about their vet bills like we're drowning in them. No. We're not. The reason why it's still a $200 is because he hasn't paid it in over 6 months. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to my dad because he won't listen and only scream and yell and throw things around. I'm 25 years old but he makes me feel like I'm 12 and It tears me apart to see my mom so heart-broken. I can't do anything to help the situation and I have no where to go. I refuse to live with my sister. I tried that once and it didn't work out at all. I felt out of place and that I really didn't belong. How can you live in a place and call it home when you don't even get any privacy? I have a month to figure something out, but regardless my parents are going to explode into another fight. I'm just so lost right now I don't know what to do. //hugshugshugs// I'm so sorry about your situation, bae. That's just awful and your dad...ugh. Gambling is addictive and it changes people. Losing that many people and making him turn to gambling and not care about himself . . . he probably does need professional help. Try to talk to your mother about it and see if you can all just get together and smack some sense into him. Also, do you know if he has a history of mental illness? It may also be that he's slightly depressed and trying to use gambling as an outlet. Losing people and losing his house; that's a lot of stress and the way he doesn't really care about your family or himself anymore . . . you may want to look into that. Sometimes stress can get so bad that you don't want to fix it anymore; just keep on living and making mistakes until you die. Are there places you can go if you get kicked out? Maybe friends you can give your pets to for the time being until you find a suitable place? Your dad's gambling is something that really needs to change; getting professional help may be the first step. You can't fix any of this until you make sure he's not always spending away what little money you have left, and placing his gambling and fun above his family and their needs. Also, are you okay? It sounds extremely stressful for you and your entire family and I'm so sorry this has happened. ♥ The whole work-college thing is a cycle and once you fall out of it it's pretty difficult to get back in--I'm really sorry it's come to this. Lastly, this isn't the best course of action, and I really hope it doesn't come to this, but has your mom considered leaving your dad? If his addiction is really too deep to help and he doesn't want to help himself, it may be best to just move and try to start anew somewhere, instead of being riddled with debt and not having a place to go. //hugs// I'm so sorry, I wish there was more I could say. Good luck and I really hope things are okay in the end, I really do. ♥ //sends you happy vibes sad.gif blink.gif unsure.gif dry.gif ohmy.gif blink.gif unsure.gif sad.gif huh.gif ughhh I feel horrible Are you okay? ♥ Cabbage worms - I am really getting fed up with cabbage worms. The are eating my crucifers and quite frankly I am getting fed up of it. I came back after 3 days out of town and my one brussel sprout plant was chewed up. At least I struck upon the brilliant idea of taking them home as fresh food for my bull frog. However, the things are finicky eaters. They don't want to eat the cabbage leaves I gave them but want to eat the Brussels sprouts they grew up on... And I can't spare those right now. I also found carrot worms on my carrots - those are swallow tail butterfly larvae I feel real bad I disposed of the ones I found, the next ones I probably will take home and see if I can feed them something else because I want to watch them metamorphose. I just want my crops to grow nice... home grown food will help my dollar - I just hope to the pit I do not find tomato horn worms..... No advice needed. I am hand picking the thigns off so my frog can eat them. I just needed to vent //hugs// I'm sorry they're bothering your garden--good luck! ♥ Share this post Link to post
Posted July 15, 2014 sad.gif blink.gif unsure.gif dry.gif ohmy.gif blink.gif unsure.gif sad.gif huh.gif ughhh I feel horrible Are you okay? ♥ I went to the dentist today and they numbed me up on both sides of my mouth for the 2 fillings because I had one on each side. They started working on the one on the right first. They had trouble getting me numb so I had to get 4 shots to get it numb enough and I had one shot on the other side for the other filling. The thing they used to hold my mouth open with was too big and was all the way in the back on my left side. It gave me a headache. Then they finally got my right side numb enough to do the filling. I had so much stuff in my mouth and I was holding it open so much that I had trouble breathing. They even asked me if I was because they could tell. I had to hold my mouth open for 2 hours. They didn't even do the filling on the other side so now I have to go back on August 4th at the same to get it done. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 15, 2014 Syiren, I'm sorry to hear you're living in what sounds like an abusive situation. D: I know it makes it really, really hard with a family member who needs an important surgery, but is there any way you and your mom can get out? Does she have a separate bank account from him? Do you? Is there other family you could go stay with? Your dad is dragging you all down a very dark course. Unfortunately, you can't help people who don't want to be helped and right now, even though he probably needs help, what he is doing is toxic to his family and you guys do not have to stay and support him at the cost of yourselves. Sometimes we have to distance ourselves to save ourselves. <3 Share this post Link to post
Posted July 15, 2014 (edited) //hugshugshugs// I'm so sorry about your situation, bae. That's just awful and your dad...ugh. Gambling is addictive and it changes people. Losing that many people and making him turn to gambling and not care about himself . . . he probably does need professional help. Try to talk to your mother about it and see if you can all just get together and smack some sense into him. Also, do you know if he has a history of mental illness? It may also be that he's slightly depressed and trying to use gambling as an outlet. Losing people and losing his house; that's a lot of stress and the way he doesn't really care about your family or himself anymore . . . you may want to look into that. Sometimes stress can get so bad that you don't want to fix it anymore; just keep on living and making mistakes until you die. Are there places you can go if you get kicked out? Maybe friends you can give your pets to for the time being until you find a suitable place? Your dad's gambling is something that really needs to change; getting professional help may be the first step. You can't fix any of this until you make sure he's not always spending away what little money you have left, and placing his gambling and fun above his family and their needs. Also, are you okay? It sounds extremely stressful for you and your entire family and I'm so sorry this has happened. ♥ The whole work-college thing is a cycle and once you fall out of it it's pretty difficult to get back in--I'm really sorry it's come to this. Lastly, this isn't the best course of action, and I really hope it doesn't come to this, but has your mom considered leaving your dad? If his addiction is really too deep to help and he doesn't want to help himself, it may be best to just move and try to start anew somewhere, instead of being riddled with debt and not having a place to go. //hugs// I'm so sorry, I wish there was more I could say. Good luck and I really hope things are okay in the end, I really do. ♥ //sends you happy vibes Thanks, Mom and I should have tried harder to get him to talk to someone sooner, but he was so busy with work since he's the only source of income at the moment. Sadly, he doesn't have a lot of faith in doctors. But, at the same time letting one issue with a doctor that is now miles away shouldn't affect what's going on with this situation. I never really knew my uncles that well and while it was sad for me, I know it was harder on Dad. I hated losing my grandmother, she was really sick in her last few months and she just...didn't get better. We were all trying to cope then, but it wasn't easy especially when it happened so close to both his and her birthday. If only we could actually finish what we're trying to tell him before he goes off on us. He doesn't let us finish. If we start talking and he doesn't want to hear it, he'll hold up his hand and go "Da-du-du-du-I don't want to hear it!" or something. He'll talk over us and the more we try the louder he gets. It's amazingly hard to talk to him about anything. No, no mental illness, though depression could definitely be considered. Then again, all of us are depressed. We don't even have to get tested to know that. The thing is, we just got the notice in the mail today and he doesn't know about it yet. Then again he lied and told mom he paid the morgage this month so, yeah. It also doesn't help that he ignores his phone when they call him. Ignoring it won't make the problem go away. Sadly, Dad's already said that he really doesn't care anymore and has often said, that me and mom are on our own when he does pass away. It hurts to hear him say that. Mainly because I don't want to lose him like that and two, it hurts when he doesn't seem to care about us at all. I haven't asked my friends lately, but I'm pretty sure my brother has said that he won't let his sister live on the streets. There may be a friend or two I could try and ask, but I haven't talked to them much lately. Sadly, with our pets it's not so much who won't take them it's how the pets will take it. one of my cats is extremely skiddish and hides whenever someone comes over. He also can't go outside because he is declawed and has one eye. Our other cat also is an indoor cat, but has a more mellow nature. and our dog is ten, so he's getting old. He's not a big dog, but he's not small either. My one-eyed cat is who I'm most worried about though. He's such a sweetheart. According to Dad, it's his money and he can "do whatever the F he wants with it" at least that's what he's said before. His name is on everything and my mom's name is on nothing, not even the morgage which is stupid. she could have called them up and worked something out today, but they need his permission first. So, we really have no power to fix anything. I feel more like a servant than a member of this family, she and I both do. It's whatever dad says, goes. If you don't like it too bad, he don't care. Am I okay? Heh, that's a good question. To be honest, I'm not sure. I cried a little earlier today, but now I feel more numb than anything. I've been trying to keep myself calm by reading some relaxing fanfiction and writing my own, but that only helps so much. I can't do much else, except keep my mom from getting upset, which I did when she started to break down right in front of me. I worry more for her at the moment. Making her a cappuccino seemed to help calm her down a bit. I'll worry about myself later. chances are I'll be up late tonight. At this point, I don't care if I get a job cleaning toilets at Mc'Donalds as long as I can get money coming in to help. Hell, I'd hand over my entire paycheck if it'd help save the house. Mom's already talked about it and she only hasn't because of our pets and not sure where to go yet exactly. She still loves him, despite everything else, but he's changed and they aren't as close as they once were. Heck, he didn't do anything for their last anniversary except take her out to eat, but it wasn't romantic or anything. Just the local bar/restaurant and mainly because he wanted to watch the sports game that was on, since we don't have cable at the moment. The only reason I have internet at the moment is because my neighbor is letting me leech off of her, but it's not a strong enough signal for most websites to load properly and the speed is so slow. Sadly, even if she does split she'll still held accountable for his credit card even though she's never touched it. Which, he maxed out btw. And the income tax? Half of it was hers by law and he took all of it and spent it. I don't know how much it was, but regardless half of that wasn't his to take. Thank you, so much. You've brought up some good insight that I'll be bringing to my mom's attention as well. Maybe it'll help her think of something. Well, I always try to be optimistic and there's always a silver lining somewhere. Maybe things will work themselves out and the confrontation won't be as bad as we think. Keep your fingers crossed. I may be stressed, but I'm not one to give up so easily. *hugs* Syiren, I'm sorry to hear you're living in what sounds like an abusive situation. D: I know it makes it really, really hard with a family member who needs an important surgery, but is there any way you and your mom can get out? Does she have a separate bank account from him? Do you? Is there other family you could go stay with? Your dad is dragging you all down a very dark course. Unfortunately, you can't help people who don't want to be helped and right now, even though he probably needs help, what he is doing is toxic to his family and you guys do not have to stay and support him at the cost of yourselves. Sometimes we have to distance ourselves to save ourselves. <3 Thankfully, the surgery issue is not life-threatening, it'll just greatly improve her quality of life, which her doctor recommends. All her sisters have had it already so it probably runs in the family. Sadly, neither one of us do. I was stupid as a kid and never saved up any money I got and any money I got when I graduated was used up for other things that the house needed. Repair wise. The only family close by is my sister's and I tried that once. Bad idea. No privacy, my bed was the couch, there was no room for my stuff, her dogs constantly peed on my stuff and between their constant fighting and me watching my niece and nephew (which I didn't mind that part too much) it was a living hell, just sitting there feeling awkward with nothing to do. I fully agree with you and after I find out what my mom's gonna do I'm gonna see if I can try to stay with my brother or possibly a friend. The tricky part is my brother lives over 800 miles away in another state. Edited July 15, 2014 by Syiren Share this post Link to post
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