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My mom said if I don't get into the private high school I want to go to (and that she wants me to go to) she wants to move. Six states away. I know it used to be in the realm of possibility, but things have changed since then. That was before I had any friends and I went to a different school. I'd miss my friends so much! And yet.. I almost want it to happen? It might not even happen, but what if it does? I guess I'm afraid I'll be excited and glad. I feel like I shouldn't hope for that, because I'd be leaving all my best friends. I should be sad, and I am, but I'm also happy. I want to move. Moving is exciting! New prospects, new opportunities. Not to mention warmer weather tongue.gif

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My mom said if I don't get into the private high school I want to go to (and that she wants me to go to) she wants to move. Six states away. I know it used to be in the realm of possibility, but things have changed since then. That was before I had any friends and I went to a different school. I'd miss my friends so much! And yet.. I almost want it to happen? It might not even happen, but what if it does? I guess I'm afraid I'll be excited and glad. I feel like I shouldn't hope for that, because I'd be leaving all my best friends. I should be sad, and I am, but I'm also happy. I want to move. Moving is exciting! New prospects, new opportunities. Not to mention warmer weather tongue.gif

Don't worry about moving, just do your best and try to get into the school that you want to get into! If something happens and you don't make it, you will know in your heart what your actual decision is. It's like the moment you flip a coin because you can't choose, you know what your choice is.

 

Moving is fun and exciting, though it can get a bit to get used to. I'm sure that if you insists with persuasive arguments, your mom will let you stay with your friends. So don't worry and just go with the flow. smile.gif

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You just said what I needed someone to say, too~ Everyone lives for a reason. So, after I die, I want everyone to have a chance to find that reason.

 

Anytime <3 Yes, that's true! smile.gif You'll help lots in the future, I'm sure. <3

 

I'm having random days where my anti-depressants don't work. I am completely non-functional without my anti-depressants. I cry constantly for no reason at all. I can hide the suicidalness, I can hide the sadness, but I can't hide crying. It makes my job impossible. If my anti-depressants don't work for even a day, the crying immediately comes back. If they don't work for two days, I get dizzy and nauseous as well as non-stop crying. That's super dangerous since I operate industrial machinery. The second last time they stopped working I had an accident because I was dizzy and crying while I was driving.

 

I'm trying to figure out what makes them not work but I have no clue. I'm guessing it's something to do with my diet but my diet is so random I can't even pinpoint what it might possibly be. Does anyone have issues with antidepressants and food? I'm terrified of this happening again.

 

//hugs// I'm so sorry this happened sad.gif Can you talk to your doctor or therapist? Your anti depressants not working is very risky and you need to see if something can be done.

 

It may be that your diet is affecting it, yes. Have you tried keeping a log, as she suggested, or a diet journal? Pacing out your food intake may help a bit.

 

I wish you the best! <3

 

Not sure if this is the place for this as I would like advise on how to handle a situation, but the advice thread is more about how to fix wi fi and what to do about sunburn.

 

Ok, I'm doing good, not great, or wonderful, just good and i'm happy with that. I am visiting my parents since i was to sick from the chemo to visit during Christmas like i normally do. I'v got my all clear, (the first all clear you throw a party, the second leaves you wondering if its Really gone for good.)my hair is growing back, i'm set to finish classes spring term next year and get my long awaited bachelors (i'm 30).

My job has already said that once i get the degree i will move up into management and my daughter is all set to start the fourth grade.

 

Yep. life is good.

 

But, my parents live in the very, very small town that we grew up in. everyone knows us, even after a long stint of living several states away, they still recognize and remember me. One person who was in my older sisters grade and lived fairly close to us now works at the single, local grocery store as a cashier. I worked there in high school doing the same and she made a snarky comment about that. My mother who was with me at the store went in to proud momma mode and started going on about my life up until then.

The cashier was impressed, and made a comment about how 'that could have been me'. I didn't think much about it, it could have been anyone. I didn't win the lotto or anything. I worked hard and made some hard decisions.

Later on I ran into her again (very small town) and again there was the "that could have been me" then last night at the local tavern with my youngest sister, she did it again. Only she had been a few drinks in and kept bothering us with how my successes stole from her success. that because it was Me, it wasn't her.

Admittedly i was flattered at first, it was a odd sort of approval since she wanted what i had achieved, then i started getting offended as the night went on.

Its not like the powers that be rolled some dice and said this one is rolled a 8, let her go forth and do good. Then when her turn came up she got a 3.

The more i listened, the more she demeaned all the hard work i put in. She could have joined the military like I had, she could have worked a crappy job to put herself through a trade school to get a tech job, then never settle and keep trying to improve herself.

She could have been me. If she had even tried.

I got mad when she said the only blight on my "perfection" was that i wasn't married and had a kid.

I made a scene, I made some very pointed remarks and in the end she ran crying from the tavern, a full Saturday night tavern in a small gossipy town.

Even my sister said that i was harsh.

On one hand I don't think i was wrong, don't go insulting people or their children and you won't get a verbal smack-down.

On the other, I have no idea about what has happened to her in my 12 years of only visiting other then that she's a regular at the tavern and has worked at the store for most of that time.

And please don't think i'm demeaning a cashiering gig, my mother worked one for years to provide for us, but she will also say that it was the means to an end, not that it was her place.

 

So, should i apologize?

 

*sets out a box of granola bars, since i'm banned from any kitchen not equipped with the fire department.*

 

//hugs// No, you shouldn't. It seems like she was forcing her standards onto you and that's just not right--you have a full right to be proud of what you done and no one should shoot you down for that. Those people are toxic and shouldn't be in your life, period.

 

Even if she could've been like you, she wasn't. She didn't try hard enough--you did, and thus you have full rights to be proud of what you've accomplished, not to have her wander around and be like "oh yeah I can do that if I try".

 

So head up! You've worked hard and come so far, enjoy yourself! <3

 

Kagesora~snip

 

Ah yeah, I understand. sad.gif I hope you get to talk to her soon!

 

Yay! ^^ I hope you can find a time. smile.gif

 

//patpats// There, there. Life is hard sometimes and the choices you make leave you feeling horribly guilty--just try your best. No one's asking any more than that, and the hours you are able to put in are well spent. ^^

 

Argh sad.gif I hope things go well...

 

That's actually true--it is hard to believe yourself, sometimes. Even so, just call for support from others when you need it--they're worried about you, too. smile.gif Best wishes! <3

 

My mom said if I don't get into the private high school I want to go to (and that she wants me to go to) she wants to move. Six states away. I know it used to be in the realm of possibility, but things have changed since then. That was before I had any friends and I went to a different school. I'd miss my friends so much! And yet.. I almost want it to happen? It might not even happen, but what if it does? I guess I'm afraid I'll be excited and glad. I feel like I shouldn't hope for that, because I'd be leaving all my best friends. I should be sad, and I am, but I'm also happy. I want to move. Moving is exciting! New prospects, new opportunities. Not to mention warmer weather tongue.gif

 

I hope you get into your private school! <3

 

You're fine, bae. <3 Conflicting emotions happen a lot! I'm glad you're excited about this move--it should be fun! ^^

 

In the event that it does happen, you can still chat with your friends here through online communication, phone calls, and visits when you guys have breaks. As well, you can make new friends where you're going!

 

Overall, moving can be new and terrifying, but as you've said, also exciting. Just wait and see how things play out--maybe it'll all be okay in the end! <3

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Thanks. I'll make it--it just gets hard sometimes.

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Thanks. I'll make it--it just gets hard sometimes.

I completely understand <3 Please talk to someone if it gets difficult! You'll be okay. <3

 

~~

 

On my end, we just got a dog and while I am super excited and she's an absolute darling, my anxiety is getting really bad. I've never had a dog before and she also has separation anxiety, and I'm constantly worrying that she'll be too loud she'll disturb the neighbours, or she'll panic tomorrow when only I'm home and everyone else is working or out.

 

I guess my worries have just started getting worse on and on. I keep telling myself it's going to be fine but somehow I'm still really panicking about this, oops.

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Lady L....

 

Cesar Milan

 

You'll learn all you need to know about dog behavior and training right there.

Edited by MedievalMystic

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Lady L....

 

Cesar Milan

 

You'll learn all you need to know about dog behavior and training right there.

A lot of dog trainers disagree with Milan's tactics so it isn't necessarily as cut and dry as that. Particularly alpha theory has come under fire as of late.

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A lot of dog trainers disagree with Milan's tactics so it isn't necessarily as cut and dry as that. Particularly alpha theory has come under fire as of late.

 

Imo, he's the best dog trainer on the planet, his 'tactics' are cruelty free and on point, he consistently gets excellent results and every last one of his nay sayers can go hang. smile.gif And who are these people again? Never heard of them. lol

 

 

 

Make up your own mind, Lady L. That's what it's for. But do educate yourself in dog behavior and training. The more you know the less anxious you and your new friend will feel. Best of luck.

Edited by MedievalMystic

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I disagree with Millan's training methods. ^^ One of his "techniques" to discourage a behavior is a swift kick. Dogs don't respond well to that. It induces fear and creates a sense of danger and insecurity. Kicking will not teach good behavior, it will teach that the owner is someone to fear. You do not what the dog to fear you, you want the dog to respect you. That kind of behavior from the owner can lead to aggression from the dog - exactly what you don't want.

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I disagree with Millan's training methods. ^^ One of his "techniques" to discourage a behavior is a swift kick. Dogs don't respond well to that. It induces fear and creates a sense of danger and insecurity. Kicking will not teach good behavior, it will teach that the owner is someone to fear. You do not what the dog to fear you, you want the dog to respect you. That kind of behavior from the owner can lead to aggression from the dog - exactly what you don't want.

 

I've seen his methods of touch with hands and feet. I've watched almost every tv episode he's been on. He most certainly has never 'kicked' any dog. And with all due respect, I seriously doubt you know more about training methods and dog psychology than he does or you'd have his millions, his empire, your own tv show and half the world asking your advice. ^^

 

But we're not here to debate Cesar Milan. smile.gif Next!

Edited by MedievalMystic

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On my end, we just got a dog and while I am super excited and she's an absolute darling, my anxiety is getting really bad. I've never had a dog before and she also has separation anxiety, and I'm constantly worrying that she'll be too loud she'll disturb the neighbours, or she'll panic tomorrow when only I'm home and everyone else is working or out.

 

I guess my worries have just started getting worse on and on. I keep telling myself it's going to be fine but somehow I'm still really panicking about this, oops.

*hugs* I remember when we took in my grandmother's dog... Although we still had our own dog, a beautiful golden retriever, my grandmother's dog was a spaniel mix who had separation anxiety, growled if you came near her food bowl, and ran away if she was let out without being on a hitch or leash. Over time, she got used to her food bowl being down all the time and us walking near it; she still ran away but she knew to come home and since we live in the forest it is easier to let her roam about like that. However, she always hated being left alone, and we would often come home after a trip to the library or grocery store and hear her howling. Fortunately our nearest neighbor is about half a mile down the road, so she didn't disturb anyone. She was also old (around ten or eleven) when we took her in, so retraining her behavior was difficult.

 

However, there are plenty of resources out there for training dogs, dealing with dogs with separation anxiety and other issues, and the like. I would recommend looking around at different options before you settle on one method, but I wish you the best of luck with your new dog. *hugs*

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Lady L....

 

Cesar Milan

 

You'll learn all you need to know about dog behavior and training right there.

 

Thank you! <3 I understand that there will be good and bad points to a certain way of training, so I'll definitely look this over and see if anything will help. smile.gif Pulling advice from different articles is very helpful, so thanks!

 

*hugs* I remember when we took in my grandmother's dog... Although we still had our own dog, a beautiful golden retriever, my grandmother's dog was a spaniel mix who had separation anxiety, growled if you came near her food bowl, and ran away if she was let out without being on a hitch or leash. Over time, she got used to her food bowl being down all the time and us walking near it; she still ran away but she knew to come home and since we live in the forest it is easier to let her roam about like that. However, she always hated being left alone, and we would often come home after a trip to the library or grocery store and hear her howling. Fortunately our nearest neighbor is about half a mile down the road, so she didn't disturb anyone. She was also old (around ten or eleven) when we took her in, so retraining her behavior was difficult.

 

However, there are plenty of resources out there for training dogs, dealing with dogs with separation anxiety and other issues, and the like. I would recommend looking around at different options before you settle on one method, but I wish you the best of luck with your new dog. *hugs*

 

//hugs// Awww, I'm glad your dog was able to settle down a little bit! Thank you for the story--at least others have had similar experience to this!

 

It's also a factor that my new dog, Snow, is very young, so I'm really hoping to be able to help her with behavioural issues and such early on so she doesn't get too upset--we live in a crowded neighbourhood and it would be really bad if she started barking too much.

 

Thank you--that's what I'm planning to do! smile.gif My anxiety has gone down a little bit from how it was originally--I guess I was just nervous from having her for the first day.

 

Thank you guys for everything! <3

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*siiiigh* I just need... Ugh. Today was a horrible day at work. It's Annual Performance Evaluation time. It only took like ten minutes and my boss is like the best boss ever, but... It HURTS.

 

Because of my poor attendance I got 2.7/5 in that area. I completely understand it, but... It sorta makes me feel a little worthless and a little helpless and a *lot* upset, because my attendance issues are based purely on anxiety attacks and bipolar swings, and yes I do end up calling in maybe 2-3 times a payperiod, which *is* a lot, but.... I've gotten a little better, even my boss says so. And I am trying SOOOO hard, so hard to push back, push past the anxiety and depression and just go anyways (doesn't usually turn out well), it just....

 

2.7/5 when I am doing *everything I can* at this point just feels.... horrible.

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*siiiigh* I just need... Ugh. Today was a horrible day at work. It's Annual Performance Evaluation time. It only took like ten minutes and my boss is like the best boss ever, but... It HURTS.

 

Because of my poor attendance I got 2.7/5 in that area. I completely understand it, but... It sorta makes me feel a little worthless and a little helpless and a *lot* upset, because my attendance issues are based purely on anxiety attacks and bipolar swings, and yes I do end up calling in maybe 2-3 times a payperiod, which *is* a lot, but.... I've gotten a little better, even my boss says so. And I am trying SOOOO hard, so hard to push back, push past the anxiety and depression and just go anyways (doesn't usually turn out well), it just....

 

2.7/5 when I am doing *everything I can* at this point just feels.... horrible.

//hugs// I'm so sorry, bae.

 

I understand how something like that could so easily affect you even when you're trying your best to push past this, and it's really not easy.

 

Even so, your boss has to do their job. That rating is a bit harsh, but just try to ignore it. You boss and your coworkers all understand that you're struggling and they want to help and support you through this period--the love they're giving you is much more important than a number printed on a sheet!

 

//hugs// Shh, shh, it's okay. Thank you for trying so hard--you're really strong to want to do such a thing even when you're affected by anxiety and depression!

 

Overall, the best worker is someone who will try their hardest to be there and work as much as they can--like you're doing. You're recovering and it's okay to take days off--that's nothing but a number, and considering the work you do it may be harder to get a higher number. 2.7 is still more than halfway, and that's okay! <3

 

You're trying your best. That's the only thing that matters, and thank you for staying strong. //hugs// It'll be okay in the end; your boss and everyone understands smile.gif In the end, it'll be okay. <3

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Imo, he's the best dog trainer on the planet, his 'tactics' are cruelty free and on point, he consistently gets excellent results and every last one of his nay sayers can go hang. smile.gif  And who are these people again? Never heard of them.  lol

 

 

 

Make up your own mind, Lady L.  That's what it's for.  But do educate yourself in dog behavior and training.  The more you know the less anxious you and your new friend will feel.  Best of luck.

Not only is he not the best in the world, he is not a dog trainer. He's a dog behaviorist. His method pretty much comes down to common sense: exercise your dog and don't let your dog do whatever it wants. Cesar Milan is useful for aggression or areas where an owner let their dogs run the show for too long. But I would not recommend his methods for separation anxiety. That's like telling someone who is having a panic attack to just stop panicking. Not going to work. Treating separation anxiety needs to use more therapeutic methods that take time. He uses flooding techniques. Definitely not good for separation anxiety.

 

I'd recommend this instead: http://www.patriciamcconnell.com/store/I-l...-Home-Soon.html

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Not only is he not the best in the world, he is not a dog trainer. He's a dog behaviorist. His method pretty much comes down to common sense: exercise your dog and don't let your dog do whatever it wants. Cesar Milan is useful for aggression or areas where an owner let their dogs run the show for too long. But I would not recommend his methods for separation anxiety. That's like telling someone who is having a panic attack to just stop panicking. Not going to work. Treating separation anxiety needs to use more therapeutic methods that take time. He uses flooding techniques. Definitely not good for separation anxiety.

 

As I said, this isn't a debate about CM and we all have our own opinions. Discussing CM any further is pointless imo and threatens to derail the thread.

 

There is a host of information out there that Lady L can research and I'm sure she'll find helpful information somewhere and find a solution that will help resolve the issue. Lets just leave it at that.

Edited by MedievalMystic

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Not only is he not the best in the world, he is not a dog trainer. He's a dog behaviorist. His method pretty much comes down to common sense: exercise your dog and don't let your dog do whatever it wants. Cesar Milan is useful for aggression or areas where an owner let their dogs run the show for too long. But I would not recommend his methods for separation anxiety. That's like telling someone who is having a panic attack to just stop panicking. Not going to work. Treating separation anxiety needs to use more therapeutic methods that take time. He uses flooding techniques. Definitely not good for separation anxiety.

 

I'd recommend this instead: http://www.patriciamcconnell.com/store/I-l...-Home-Soon.html

 

Thank you so much! <3 I'd actually forgotten there was reading material out there for dog training, oops. My family is a bit tight on money at the moment, but I'll see if I can find any books like this at the library, thank you! <3

 

In other news, though, from what I've heard, everyone seems to have different opinions on Cesar Milan. I'm not planning to just readily pick one side to go--I'm not going to blindly follow his advice but I won't just completely ignore it either. I think I'll pull different bits of information from different research locations, and look at the best course of action to take. So thanks to everyone here, you've all helped loads easing both my anxiety and hopefully hers in the near future! <3

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Thank you all for the advise, the next time My mother and I went to the store she soundly ignored me until check out when my mother of all people yelled at us both for acting like school aged ninny's.

I think we called a truce under the verbal barrage.

 

Lady L, I do recommend going and looking over several dog training books and getting the one or ones that feels the best to you. I also recommend a kennel, it gives the dog a spot their own, helps with potty training and prevents the dogs from destroying/getting into/making a mess when not there.

My poodle, who is destined to has a psychoses named after her, had bad separation anxiety. She was so bad that if you put a dish of kibbles in the kitchen and went to the living room, she would ignore the food in favor of being near you. She would also go on little "rampages" where anything from the doorknobs down was libel to being chewed on by a 5 pound poodle when left alone.

Hopefully you don't get to that point.

What helped was amalgam of differing methods, but basically I had to get her used to the kennel and make it "her" spot. When we would leave i would give her a treat, and it took a while to find some thing that worked, but she would be distracted by the strawberry yogurt and be to busy gobbling it down to care that we left.

 

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Thank you all for the advise, the next time My mother and I went to the store she soundly ignored me until check out when my mother of all people yelled at us both for acting like school aged ninny's.

I think we called a truce under the verbal barrage.

 

Lady L, I do recommend going and looking over several dog training books and getting the one or ones that feels the best to you. I also recommend a kennel, it gives the dog a spot their own, helps with potty training and prevents the dogs from destroying/getting into/making a mess when not there.

My poodle, who is destined to has a psychoses named after her, had bad separation anxiety. She was so bad that if you put a dish of kibbles in the kitchen and went to the living room, she would ignore the food in favor of being near you. She would also go on little "rampages" where anything from the doorknobs down was libel to being chewed on by a 5 pound poodle when left alone.

Hopefully you don't get to that point.

What helped was amalgam of differing methods, but basically I had to get her used to the kennel and make it "her" spot. When we would leave i would give her a treat, and it took a while to find some thing that worked, but she would be distracted by the strawberry yogurt and be to busy gobbling it down to care that we left.

Anytime <3 I'm glad you guys were able to reach a truce of some sorts! Here's hoping things go okay and she doesn't bother you too much in the near future. <3

 

Thank you for this information! biggrin.gif <3

I hope not as well; if she actually got that bad then things would be awful sad.gif I'm hoping I can try to help her improve before that!

From what I've been told, she howls a lot when left alone. I haven't actually seen what she's like since I've been home since we first got her, and she's very clingy to people.

A kennel sounds like a great idea! smile.gif I'm glad that worked for your dog <3 And yes, they love food. ^^

 

Thank you! <3 All this information and support has helped my anxiety go down--now I'm going to help her. ^^

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I just cannot get it together lately. I'm so tired all the time, and I'm stressed out. This gene annotation project got dumped in my lap suddenly. It was supposed to be given to me last fall, but the Italian medfly group took forever to get it to us. So I took a part time job at the insect collection to help so we weren't scraping by and had a bit of extra. I figured I would have time, but now that this genome project has been dumped on me, I'm just exhausted. I can't quit the job because it has offered me summer funding two years in a row now, and I have no idea what next year will look like. I don't want to burn this bridge. I really should have done some hours at the collection tonight, but I was just so tired that I came home, instead. >_<

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@harlequinraven: sad.gif Aww, you need rest. Everyone does once in a while. smile.gif It's nice that you vent out your emotions here. It's healthy.

 

Frankly, I'm experiencing somewhat the same problem lately. ohmy.gif It's just the start of the semester and I'm feeling significantly drained. sad.gif I can't manage too much stress.

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Long work-related rant. I just need to vent about a situation that I can't do anything about until at least later into this week, but thinking about which will likely keep me up at night anyway.

Please don't post any legal advice, because the userbase from my country here is very small and laws in your country may differ from what they're like here.

 

 

My job is pretty easy for the most part, but some coworkers on top of the hierarchy ladder are highly disturbing in a way that's impossible to get used to. I work at a university, and, as university jobs go, you can only quit between semesters. I had had quite enough at the end of last year and had told my boss that I was going to leave after New Year. She talked me into staying until (this) summer, because a promising junior coworker, who was leaving for study exchange, might take over then when she'd come back. Since my health had taken a downturn and I needed more stable income, I agreed.

I think we can all agree that "staying until coworker A comes back from study exchange" doesn't necessarily translate to "you're leaving when they come back", since we only talked about it then and I didn't sign any paperwork.

 

Fast forward into January, a senior coworker for whom I have a lot of respect asked me if I might want to join a research project that will start (I'm saying "will start", because at this point it's 95% sure that we're getting the funding) this August. To which I said sure, since I was planning to leave my current job position anyway.

We got to know that we'll be most likely getting the funding at the end of last week. At the beginning of June I had reminded my boss that yeah, I'm leaving soon, but as of this time, I can't tell the precise dates when I'd leave as it would depend on when the project starts, since one condition of working for the project is that you already have to be an employee at said university, and when I told that, my boss DID NOT object to me staying longer than previously anticipated, and agreed that we'd arrange paperwork, whether I'm leaving or transferring to the scientific lab branch once we get to know about the project funding AND the paperwork specifically in regards to me. She even agreed that yes, I MAY take out all my year's vacation before the project, because there would be no time for it once the project starts.

 

Guess what. Today boss calls me, tells me to come ASAP to come to her office, and when I come in, she starts asking me what the hell am I still doing in my current job position, because apparently starting as of today that junior coworker has been hired for MY job position, and that I need to get a transfer to the scientific lab ASAP, or otherwise I'll be an unfair leech and poor junior coworker will have to work my job and not get paid for it until I lift my ass off to the project job, "whenever that will be", so I better transfer right this instant, or I can't go on my vacation (which is starting this Friday, or, at least, well, should) - I'll mention that she's a department director, and not involved in staff management on a university level, so I took that as a hint of blackmail.

What basically is happening is that now I'm supposed to obtain information about my transfer, which isn't up to me, during tomorrow, somehow tell that to my boss and. I DON'T KNOW? The boss at the scientific lab works in our department, too, but she's having her PhD defense tomorrow, so yeah, right, she'll definitely have time for that AND to figure out that she's taking me on scientific lab's payroll and a who-knows-what job position. >___>

 

She said that basically I've made a huge mess of not leaving by the time when junior coworker came back, because you know? We agreed that I would stay until whenever it was needed for the project paperwork, or finding out that we didn't get the funding, in which case I'd be leaving university anyway, because I'm sick of this place? In NONE of the times we met in the last few months she told me that junior coworker would actually be taking over ASAP when she'd come back. She didn't tell me that even when we discussed how matters would be settled, before I knew whether we'd have the funding or not. So now she's just ranting at me about what an uncertain mess I am and how I'm stealing from poor junior coworker, because, you know, by university staff hiring laws, she can't legally fire me more than a month before my last work day, unless she digs up some utter lies and slander about me. Or. Yeah. I really don't know.

 

Basically, saying that I'm angry and disappointed doesn't even scratch the surface.

My senior coworker (the one who invited me to the project) had once told me, that our boss is a veeery capable person, but with a penchant of subtly screwing employees over. I definitely didn't expect this.

 

 

I really have NO idea about what's going to become of me.

And, silly first world wish, silly selfish me, my vacation which I hoped to use for nurturing my health.

Edited by lightbird

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I just cannot get it together lately. I'm so tired all the time, and I'm stressed out. This gene annotation project got dumped in my lap suddenly. It was supposed to be given to me last fall, but the Italian medfly group took forever to get it to us. So I took a part time job at the insect collection to help so we weren't scraping by and had a bit of extra. I figured I would have time, but now that this genome project has been dumped on me, I'm just exhausted. I can't quit the job because it has offered me summer funding two years in a row now, and I have no idea what next year will look like. I don't want to burn this bridge. I really should have done some hours at the collection tonight, but I was just so tired that I came home, instead. >_<

 

//hugs// Aw I'm so sorry this happened, bae sad.gif Sometimes everything just starts to pile up--but please pull through! This will end soon and you'll be able to relax soon enough. <3

 

I'm really sorry--I can't give actual advise as you can't quit your job, right. //hugs// Just try your best! It was unfair of such a sudden thing to be dumped onto you all of a sudden--can you ask your coworkers for a bit of help?

 

In the meantime, breathe slowly and drink lots of fluids and take care of your mind and body! Stress is really awful to have to deal with, but it'll be over soon. <3 If it ever gets to be too much, do as you did--go home! You need some time to collect your thoughts and take care of yourself. As well, talk to someone if you feel too bad smile.gif Even asking some of your coworkers or your boss and telling them that the project is too much for you to handle alone may help somewhat--maybe they can pitch in!

 

//hugs// Good luck. Breathe in and breathe out, you'll be okay. <3 Best wishes!

 

Frankly, I'm experiencing somewhat the same problem lately. ohmy.gif It's just the start of the semester and I'm feeling significantly drained.  sad.gif I can't manage too much stress.

 

//hugs// I'm sorry this has happened! As I've said above, stress is awful to deal with. Try to break down what you do into little parts and ask for help and support where you need it--also, take deep breaths and take care of your body and mind! Stress is hard to pull through, but once you do it'll be okay <3 I know that suddenly starting things and also during the middle or end of school can be difficult--just try not to panic too much and take breaks when you need them--if you work hard, you deserve some metime! smile.gif

 

//hugs// Best wishes, and good luck, It'll be okay. <3

 

Long work-related rant. I just need to vent about a situation that I can't do anything about until at least later into this week, but thinking about which will likely keep me up at night anyway.

Please don't post any legal advice, because the userbase from my country here is very small and laws in your country may differ from what they're like here.

 

 

My job is pretty easy for the most part, but some coworkers on top of the hierarchy ladder are highly disturbing in a way that's impossible to get used to. I work at a university, and, as university jobs go, you can only quit between semesters. I had had quite enough at the end of last year and had told my boss that I was going to leave after New Year. She talked me into staying until (this) summer, because a promising junior coworker, who was leaving for study exchange, might take over then when she'd come back. Since my health had taken a downturn and I needed more stable income, I agreed.

I think we can all agree that "staying until coworker A comes back from study exchange" doesn't necessarily translate to "you're leaving when they come back", since we only talked about it then and I didn't sign any paperwork.

 

Fast forward into January, a senior coworker for whom I have a lot of respect asked me if I might want to join a research project that will start (I'm saying "will start", because at this point it's 95% sure that we're getting the funding) this August. To which I said sure, since I was planning to leave my current job position anyway.

We got to know that we'll be most likely getting the funding at the end of last week. At the beginning of June I had reminded my boss that yeah, I'm leaving soon, but as of this time, I can't tell the precise dates when I'd leave as it would depend on when the project starts, since one condition of working for the project is that you already have to be an employee at said university, and when I told that, my boss DID NOT object to me staying longer than previously anticipated, and agreed that we'd arrange paperwork, whether I'm leaving or transferring to the scientific lab branch once we get to know about the project funding AND the paperwork specifically in regards to me. She even agreed that yes, I MAY take out all my year's vacation before the project, because there would be no time for it once the project starts.

 

Guess what. Today boss calls me, tells me to come ASAP to come to her office, and when I come in, she starts asking me what the hell am I still doing in my current job position, because apparently starting as of today that junior coworker has been hired for MY job position, and that I need to get a transfer to the scientific lab ASAP, or otherwise I'll be an unfair leech and poor junior coworker will have to work my job and not get paid for it until I lift my ass off to the project job, "whenever that will be", so I better transfer right this instant, or I can't go on my vacation (which is starting this Friday, or, at least, well, should) - I'll mention that she's a department director, and not involved in staff management on a university level, so I took that as a hint of blackmail.

What basically is happening is that now I'm supposed to obtain information about my transfer, which isn't up to me, during tomorrow, somehow tell that to my boss and. I DON'T KNOW? The boss at the scientific lab works in our department, too, but she's having her PhD defense tomorrow, so yeah, right, she'll definitely have time for that AND to figure out that she's taking me on scientific lab's payroll and a who-knows-what job position. >___>

 

She said that basically I've made a huge mess of not leaving by the time when junior coworker came back, because you know? We agreed that I would stay until whenever it was needed for the project paperwork, or finding out that we didn't get the funding, in which case I'd be leaving university anyway, because I'm sick of this place? In NONE of the times we met in the last few months she told me that junior coworker would actually be taking over ASAP when she'd come back. She didn't tell me that even when we discussed how matters would be settled, before I knew whether we'd have the funding or not. So now she's just ranting at me about what an uncertain mess I am and how I'm stealing from poor junior coworker, because, you know, by university staff hiring laws, she can't legally fire me more than a month before my last work day, unless she digs up some utter lies and slander about me. Or. Yeah. I really don't know.

 

Basically, saying that I'm angry and disappointed doesn't even scratch the surface.

My senior coworker (the one who invited me to the project) had once told me, that our boss is a veeery capable person, but with a penchant of subtly screwing employees over. I definitely didn't expect this.

 

 

I really have NO idea about what's going to become of me.

And, silly first world wish, silly selfish me, my vacation which I hoped to use for nurturing my health.

 

//hugs// I'm really sorry you're in this situation, dear. That's unfair of your boss to do such a thing and just...ugh.

 

Is there any way for you to transfer right now? Even if the other person is busy, could you just stop and take up a few minutes to ask?

 

Also, is it a possibility you could stay home this week? If your boss wants you off so the junior can do their work, could you simply just stay home until your vacation?

 

You could also try to reason with your boss--explain to her that you did say you wouldn't be transferring until the project actually started or that you only have a week until your vacation and after that you'll be gone.

 

Overall, I wish you luck! <3 I'm really sorry this has happened, but I hope you can find a way to get around it!

If not, then I really hope your vacation will help somewhat. It's not selfish or 'first world' to seek time off work and life to help yourself heal, not at all. Best wishes. //hugs// <3

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harlequinraven, Sometimes we all bite off a bit more then we intend, and in truth i think those you work with for both projects will understand if you are tired. In fact, i bet they appreciate all your hard work to ensure the project flows as it should.

When you feel so strung out and tired, take a "you" day. A day where you don't go to either job. and you don't worry/think about them. Plan your "you" day in advanced if need be. Co-ordinate so no one is left hanging, So you don't have to worry about it, and then... Do nothing.

Stay in, Order out, spend the whole day in PJs or do whatever non-work related, relaxing things you want.

You will be surprised at how just one little day of nothing recharges you so much.

Then the next day... resume being a BAMF.

 

georgexu94, You can do it! School is stressful, but learning to manage YOUR stress is probably the best thing to figure out. If it ever becomes to much, follow the above instructions smile.gif

 

lightbird, Your boss strikes my as woefully unprofessional and is blaming you for her failure to plan out your departure better. You said this is an University, so you can't be the first transfer of this sort she's had to deal with. I sincerely hope everything works out well for you and that you get to go on your vacation and get that spot in the research project.

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I have just taken a very important exam but today the teacher told us that the exams got lost while on the way to Cambridge.So my exam might be on the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.I feel so sad because I put a lot of effort on it and now I have to repeat it.

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